Dag 730 – Pushing my self-honesty

self-honesty

“And also pushing your self-honesty, cause you may find that what you prefer and what you can live with, is not the same”

Continuing on opening up the inner conflict that I wrote about in the previous blog. Something existing in it that I did not get a clear sight on and so, this is part of the reason why I did not open it up before, not really, but only looking at it from a starting-point of not being willing to change.

I saw the conflict of what I can live with and what I prefer, however I did not place the word ‘prefer’ in this and was looking at it as a desire, which was not really describing it as I did not really experience it as a desire so I could not work with that.

From here I lived the situation in reality – this is what happens when and as I am not willing or able to let something go through writing and self-forgiveness –  where I started to live as ‘what I prefer’ in a certain point but noticed that I could not keep standing in this physically, it was exhausting me. I have learned to push beyond some limitations of ideas of tiredness and not being able to etc, so I pushed myself in this. However here I was using this application in trying to live what I prefer, until the point of conflict inside myself and reflecting outside in a relationship, where I from this point started to open up this point of inner conflict and found my self-honesty within.

This gives inner peace and self-satisfaction as a reference-point and so I have found something to expand myself in. Where I had a chat about this conflict playing out in my external reality in a ‘breaking up’ in a relationship and here, my buddy mentioned to “push your self-honesty, cause you may find that what you prefer and what you can live with, is not the same”.

This made sense and could land within me, as here I suddenly understood how I have to make peace with this fact of what I can live with that may not be the same as what I prefer to live with. So here, I am ready to bring this point into self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a point that I prefer to live with and within this, compromise myself in and as my self-honesty and from here, see my self-honesty disregarded and not recognized through others, through a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in my self-honesty in relation to a point that I prefer to live in and as with a partner but where in I see that I can not live with it like ‘how I would prefer’ as in this way it is exhausting me although I may want it so badly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sick of myself in this point of compromising myself in my self-honesty with regards to a preference of how to live a relationship, where from here I see it reflected that a partner is able to live it like that but in a point of inconsideration of other possibilities and more in a way of ‘wanting it the easy and nice way’, of wanting convenience from where I then feel inferior because I am physically not able to ‘live up with this way of convenience’ – on several dimensions – and actually it is also not what I want or prefer anymore but I do not want to loose this partner and I prefer to share something with him and if he is not willing to consider me in this, I will loose this point of what I prefer to share with him.

Here it doesnot mean that I then need to ‘break up’ with this partner but more that I need to stand up within and as my self-honesty and from here, opening this up with the partner and lay out what I am able to and what not and from here, give him the choice to walk with me in this or not and so, taking the risk to ‘loose this partner’ and so to loose this ‘sharing that I prefer most to do with him’.

This sharing is still possible, also from a starting-point of self-honesty as here it is more in consideration of my own physical and so of physical reality as a whole and for the other it would mean a consideration of another being in and as the physical and so of his own physical and physical reality, meaning seeing and moving beyond only our own preferences and start living what is best for all.

For this, one need to be ready to give up some created energetic experiences and behaviours and activities and so if one is not willing or ready, a break up will follow (or takes place in advance to prefent looking at a point of self-interest).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and being rejected because of bringing forward a point within self-honesty that another is perhaps not willing to consider or resisting to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself within and as my self-honesty and so reject myself in my self-honesty and from here, create this form and experience of rejection in my outside world in an intimate relationship as a reflection of the relationship with myself, inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start blaming the one who is rejecting me as a reflection of my inner rejection of my own self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear voicing myself in and as self-honesty where then the fear should come forward out of and existing as a point of judgement and rejection of my own self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘hate’ towards myself about this point of compromise within and as myself (where in it is practical to look at ‘hate’ as in ‘building up angryness’ in – what I find very clear – ‘points that I did not yet have taken responsibility for’ and from here, this accumulates in and as the experience of angryness into or towards the experience of hate – towards self actually but if we are not willing/able to bring it back to self, we will project the experience of ‘hate’ onto something or someone outside ourselves, like as in ‘I hate my partner when he does this or that’).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience real shame about how I have rejected and ignored my own self-honesty, within trying to live what and how I prefer, in and as an idea, in and as the mind that I have appaerently created within and as myself with regards to relationships.

Why do I write this in a blog of Wholesome Journeys under the category of ‘the influence of a spastic colon’?

Because I have manifested this pattern within and as my colon with spasms, as a way of physical expression that is compromised by a mind-pattern that I have integrated within and as my physical body. In this blog I write more about how my mind consciousness system is implemented in my physical body in a way that it influences my organs and organ-functions, which I can use now as a reference-point to face my own self-limitations and neglection of my self-honesty.

In next blog I will write more about the physical dimension of the pattern that I opened up here.


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Uil forgive

Dag 729 – Opening up the inner conflict

inner-conflict

I am looking at the influence of a spastic colon, on…myself, my life. The question that then comes up within me here is, should it influence who I am? And what do I mean with ‘who I am’?

It does have an influence on how I plan things, on what I eat or not, on when I wake up, on when I leave the house, on how much time I take in the morning to prepare, on what time I go to sleep at night. If I look at this, it is actually determining how I have come to my daily scedule, which is not a ‘bad’ thing, as it is practical and supporting my body in this way, to have a rythm that I have find supportive.

I am still ‘wondering’ how I would live and what I would do and take on for myself if I would not have had this need from my physical body to keep a certain daily rythm and take care for myself in this. Would I then just ask more from my body that is perhaps not best for my body and so myself within? Or would I naturally do this because I feel better with this, because it supports my body better if I keep a certain lifestyle? Or would I just be doing fine with less ‘bounderies’ for myself in this daily scedule? And are it bounderies or are it guidelines?

This is something that I actually have as a question within me, day in and day out, somewhere on the background. So then within this – when I mentioned here that this daily ‘rythm’ is actually quite supportive for my physical body and so for myself within – the thing that is more of an influence on myself and who I am within, within every moment walking with/as myself in this one physical body, in a situation of the existence of a spastic colon – the thing that is more of an influence on me, is this question that is existing within me and that is giving me an experience of ‘not being satisfied’ or a subtile form of conflict within myself, day in and day out.

So writing this out, this is something that I can change within myself, as this inner conflict is not supporting me but more creating a ‘split’ within myself and so I am existing within and as this split deep within me, day in and day out.

It is something that I only by now start writing out, as somewhere I did not want to admit this to myself and even more, I did not want to show this to others as well. But the thing is that if I do not admit it for myself, I still place myself in a position of disempowerment, because that what I do not admit for/to myself and keep silent or suppressed within me, I will not be able to understand for and as myself, I will not ‘forgive’ myself for this as long as I do not understand it and as long as I do not start forgiving it and opening it up, I will not be able to fully understand this part of/as myself. And from not understanding/forgiving myself in this, I will not be able to change anything about it.

It surprises me that I find this so hard to open up, merely because I have seemingly so much investigated this spastic colon in a way and finding ways to physically support myself in it as well as emotionally. So now, it is time to start looking in the deeper dimensions within me and how the mind is interconnected within and as myself in this physical situation of a spastic colon. Which is obviously not the best part of me and as I know by theory and somewhere sensing within me and seeing reflected without me, it is functioning as a ‘hidden nature’ that I have accepted and allowed to channel within and as my mind and then integrated within and as my physical body.

To be continued


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Uil forgive

Dag 728 – 15. The insemination

This blog is related to record 15: The insemination

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start an insemination process from a starting-point of desire to be/become pregnant and from here, being willing to throw myself into the deep, without really considering my hesitations of my willingness to really walk with a child growing up in this world as how it exists today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to look beyond my desire to be/become pregnant and just look so far, trying to fulfill the desire and from here, the desire to ‘throw myself into the deep’ so to speak, meaning to force myself into a situation that I then cannot step back from and so to force myself into facing the difficulties within/as myself that I am seemingly not willing to take on if and when not absolutely necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only take on the real challenges within and as myself if and when there is no other possibility left, as how the mind functions and as how we have set up this world up to a point of destruction before we – as humanity – are willing to face ourselves and take respnsibility for ourselves and our creation and from here, change the approach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it more difficult for myself by waiting for this last point to happen, instead of actively investigating that what I sense somewhere within me as a misalignment that I need to open up and take responsibility for by firstly looking at it within self-honesty and from here, using the application of self-forgiveness to face my own darkness and stand up within and stop blaming myself back into a state of powerlessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lazy to open up the points that I sense somewhere within me that I am not aligned with and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up the points that I sense somewhere within me, as fearing to loose the experience that this suppressed belief is giving me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fearing the loss of an experience within me to fearing to loose something or someone without me and within this, start and keep on projecting my experiences on this something or someone without me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thinks and believe that I can really loose something or someone, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only let go (means forgive) the energetic created experiences within myself that I have connected to something or someone without myself and from here, knowing that I give myself the opportunity to emerge from, within and as myself, standing more in equality and oneness with and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my motivation to ‘become alive’ that I somewhere sense deep within me, towards and into a desire to inseminate me with the seed of a male to be able to become pregnant and give birth to the life of a child as another being, to from here force myself to stand within the points that I see that I am not yet standing in and as, in and as the potential that I see/sense within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at ease in this week of insemination because of being able to stand within myself in peace within trying to fulfil that what I would like for myself and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be at ease and so reactive in other moments/weeks, to my partner as well as to others, when and as I feel like not being busy with trying to fulfill that what I would like for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fulfil myself with experiences of something or someone without myself as to ‘inseminate’ myself and my physical body with something external.

When and as I feel lazy or tired to start writing and opening up some dimensions within me that I do not yet have a sight on, I stop and breathe.

I realize that within the writing, I will get more sight on myself in this dimensions that will support me in moments to come to be/become less tired or lazy, as the mind needs physical energy to suppress or keep generating energy from points/energetic experiences within me.

I realize that I can write in short time-frames, as for example 15 minutes, to release some energy within the writing of self-forgiveness and if I postpone, points will go under again within some kind of suppression and through distraction, within and as myself.

I commit myself to write in a document to open up some dimensions that I sense within me and do not yet have sight on, for 15 minutes three times a week (extra upon the activities that I am taking on already).

When and as I see that I am not satisfied and at ease with myself in the interaction with another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not expressing myself or do not have expressed myself as how I would like to, coming out of a fear of experiencing myself very uncomfortable within a certain moment with all kind of subtile experiences coming up and from here, I start becoming ‘uneasy’ for myself and for another as well, as more reactive to what another is bringing forward.

I realize that this is a build up pattern through the years and so, it will take time to walk through the layers that I have created within me that prevent me from expressing myself and bring myself to a ‘living expression’ so to speak.

I commit myself to become more sensible to and for myself within moments of interaction with another and to see what comes up within me as a reaction that I name and forgive myself for (for example within this 15 minutes writing) and to see (if I am already able to) what I actually would like to express but not doing out of fear of not being understood or not being able to bring forward what I mean and from here, see how to support myself to do express some more of/as myself, rather from a point of self-movement than only as a respond with a (subtile or hidden) dimension of ‘reaction’ to what another is bringing forward.

When and as I notice a fear of loss within me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that there are many dimensions involved in ‘fear of loss’ projected on something or someone without me, that I need to walk through within writing and the application of self-forgiveness of all kind of experiences coming up to open it up for myself.

I commit myself to within the writing, take on layer by layer and experience by experience that I see coming up within me in certain moments where in I use the moments of reaction as a moment of introspection, meaning that I bring the experience back to myself and name and forgive myself for what I find, as well as forgiving myself for/when/as I go into reaction, to enable myself to eventually prevent this happening and from here, finding my self-direction and self-expression as a more supportive and constructive way to communicate, as well for myself as for another.

insemination

Previous blog: 14. Examples of ‘trying to make it up’

Next blog: to come


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Uil forgive

Dag 727 – 14. Examples of ‘trying to make it up’

This blog is related to record 14: Examples of trying to make it up

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically step in a relationship through having sex in an early stage and within this, ‘bounding’ myself emotionally to this other one where in I feel like I am already too far in and as if I cannot step back anymore and first investigate what the possibilities are of really stabnding and walking with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am able to have a sexual interaction without having clarity about a commitment towards each other as in a relationship/agreement and so from here, keep on stepping in physically and committing physically in a way, without first investigating the possibilities of standing and walking together and checking our principles, ability and willingness to really stand and walk together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be devided within a mind-approach and believing to be able to already physically involve and a physical-being approach where in I look at and investigate all dimensions to possibly stand and walk with another being and look at how another being is willing and able to walk and stand with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the desire to have a relationship and the desire to become pregnant, by stepping in ‘too fast’ and already committing in a way while within common sense, I know there is more time needed to investigate where we both stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want something so badly that I am willing to compromise my own standing and integrity that I actually had never developped and so, in a way knowing what to stand for but not being able to really, on all levels, be able to stand and keep standing within my integrity and within principled living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a stranger in my own house when the children of my partner in that time came over for the weekend, as I did not know how to involve with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how to involve with my partner and his children coming over and within this, start separating myself from the situation and completely pulling back within myself and within some place in the house that I could find to be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become some kind of monster within myself and towards my partner when and as his children came over for the weekend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that everything would go better and become more in balance when and as I would have a child of my own within this situation, which may be so in a way, however it is a way of first trying to create a situation in physical reality where in I could have supported myself so much more if and when I had the tools to bring the feelings, emotions, backchat, reactions etc coming up within me – to first or while wwalking bring this back to myself, to also within the moment, make it more comfortable and enjoyable for myself as well as for my partner to walk this path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it very heavy for myself and my partner to walk a certain situation, because of not yet being able to take responsibility for my own feeling, emotions, reactions, backchat etc coming op related to the situation that I and we were living in and through this, putting so much load on the relationship and the situation as a whole that eventually maye have contributed to the ending of the relationship.

When and as I see myself becoming/experiencing myself and the situation with a partner as ‘heavy’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have emotions, feelings, reactions, backchat coming up within me that I do let decide how I experience myself and that from here, is defining who I am within that what I live.

I realize that the emotions, feelings, reactions, backchats, are coming forward out of thoughts and/or a way of trying to control my reality and so, out of trying to wanting a certain outcome, which I can see is related to aspects of my childhood where in I as a child, want a certain outcome, trying to enforce this on/towards my parents.

I realize that a form of control exists as a form of fear of not getting the outcome that I would like to see or desire and then within this an experience as belief that I would/could not exist anymore without this certain outcome.

I realize that within existing in and as fear as control, I speak and behave in a way that is putting a stamp in each situation and interaction and that is triggering others within their experience of control/fear, which is then again triggering my experience of control/fear and so on.

I realize that within contributing to creating this ‘heavy’ atmosphere, I make it more ‘heavy’ (meaning, separating myself from the reality and participants that I am involved in and with) than things need to be within each moment of breathe and that at the moment, I do have the tools to support myself to be stable and bring myself back to stability when and as a form of control/fear comes up.

I commit myself to name the desired outcome and to name the experience of fear of loss in a certain moment of conflict, for and within myself, to stop and to forgive/let go the desired outcome and instead, allow myself to move on and as the pace of my breathing and finding a living word to ‘hold on to’ within a specific moment that I need to bring stability in, within and as myself;

where in I realize that the only real and lasting way to ‘make it up’ within and as myself, is within taking full responsibility for and as myself and for the fear/control as reactions, emotions, feelings, backchat, thoughts that are coming up within and as myself, to not desire a specific outcome as ‘making things up’ for a mistake in the past, but to step by step, moment by moment, forgive and correct the mistakes within and as who I am within each moment of breath in and as a process that I walk from consciousness to awareness.

dak

Previous blog: 13. Trying to make it up

Next blog: 15. The insemination


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 726 – 13. Trying to make it up

This blog is related to record 13: Trying to make it up

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the ticking of the biological clock become an obsession through trying to make up for a situation that I had made a decision in without considering each aspect involved and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an obsession out of missing aspects of myself in that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create obsessions out of the aspects that I have separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in trying to make up for mistakes in the past, coming forwards out of missing parts of myself / separating myself from parts of myself and from here, creating more and more consequenses in and as separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘having a child / becoming pregnant’ as an outcome that needs to happen and within this, not giving myself or another space and time to create a healthy and stable foundation to make this an opportunity if and when possible on all area’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘many people are getting pregnant within worse situations and they are also making the best of it’ and using this why I should also be able to do this where within this, I neglect my common sense and integrity that I see within myself as that I do not want to unconsciously pass through my unsolved mind-creations onto the next generation without being able to direct myself and support the child in it and so within this, acting like thorn apart within ‘trying to make it up’ and at the same time, holding back, not fully going for it because of seeing the unsolved parts that I can not stand by and within while getting pregnant and having a baby within a situation as for example deliberately doing it alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thorn myself apart by not standing absolutely with and as myself in what I see that is best to do that may lead to an outcome that is different than I desire in/as my mind, as a situation that I am not even sure of if I really want it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able at that time to take on the desire on itself and translate it for myself into what I really wanted for myself to from there, see how to create it in this life.

When and as I see myself participating in ‘trying to make up’ for something that I am not satisfied with in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that this is how the mind within and as myself, so how I within and as this mind-participation, am keeping myself locked in within a time-loop of solving my mistake, instead of preventing to make this mistake again in the future.

I commit myself to unconditionally forgive myself for a mistake and to forgive myself the related experiences as for example guilt and shame and whatever comes up until I notice that I am able to let it go, where in I enable myself to do it different next time as a prevention of creating the same consequences over and over again but instead, make a decision within consideration of all aspects that I possibly see within myself and from here, without myself as well.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought about what I see that others are doing that is compromising in some way but that I in a way, also ‘would like to be able to do’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that this is not what I really want for myself or another and that within this, I compromise my own strength and integrity in and as my self-awareness.

I commit myself to forgive the desire to do something because others are also doing it and to look at and forgive what it specificely is that I desire within this and I commit myself to support myself within my own strength, integrity and self-awareness and to within the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction, bring myself back to myself every time that I compromise my own integrity. I commit myself to look at how to bring that what I desire into a living application in my daily life, through slowly building within the physical possibilities that I have, realizing that in every moment I have myself to embrace, express and understand and from here, I can look for moments to share with others.

I commit myself to focus more on the words that I find within my physical body as a guideline to be and become more satisfied with myself, living in and as my physical body.

trying-to-make-it-up

Previous blog: 12. Learning van consequence is

Next blog: 14. Examples of ‘trying to make it up’

————————————————————————————————————————–

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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 725 – De beugel

tanden-voor-beugel

Gisteren is de beugel in mijn mond geplaatst. Het plaatsen zelf was vrij onplezierig, vooral omdat er spreiders nodig zijn om de lippen opzij te houden en een afzuigertje voor het speeksel, zodat de beugelslotjes op de tanden kunnen worden geplakt. Dit duwt op het bot van de onder- en bovenkaak en dit is oncomfortabel tot pijnlijk en het duurt ongeveer twee uur.

De beugel zelf geeft een druk op mijn tanden die ik wel prettig vind. Er zijn ook twee extra blokjes geplaatst achter mijn voortanden om te voorkomen dat ik bij mijn kiezen de slotjes er af bijt als ze op elkaar komen. Hierdoor komen de kiezen niet geheel op elkaar met als gevolg: ik kan niet kauwen!

Dit brengt een gedachtenstroom op gang: kan ik 18 maanden alleen maar vloeibaar voedsel eten? Krijg ik wel genoeg voeding binnen? Wat moet ik eten?

Ik heb vaker mijn eetpatroon veranderd ter ondersteuning van mijn fysiek en dat zal ik nu weer doen. Er bestaat zelfs een uitgebreid programma ter ondersteuning van een spastisch colon, waarbij zes maanden vloeibaar voedsel wordt voorgeschreven (met alles heel fijn gemalen, dus wel vezeltjes etc maar niet te grof) en een lichte dosis anti-biotica, dit om de miniscule ontstekingen die aanwezig zouden zijn in het weefsel bij een spastisch colon, de tijd te geven om te helen. Ik heb hier altijd wel wat in gezien maar ik ben nooit dit hele programma gaan onderzoeken met een therapeut, het is vrij ingrijpend.

Nu lijkt het er dan toch op dat ik voor langere tijd vloeibaar of erg zacht voedsel zal gaan eten en voor het spoelen van mijn mond ga ik colloidaal zilverwater gebruiken (wat als een ‘natuurlijk anti-bioticum’ gezien kan worden, al kunnen we het officieel niet zo noemen maar het doodt bacterie, virus en schimmel). Dus wie weet, pakt het ook gunstig uit voor mijn darmen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb me teneergeslagen te ervaren als ik merk dat ik niet kan kauwen en geen vast voedsel tot me kan nemen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken ‘ik kan toch niet 18 maanden op vloeibaar voedsel leven? Hoe doen andere mensen dat?’

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te hebben verwacht dat het kauwen zo lastig zou gaan met een beugel in.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken dat ik 18 maanden geen vast voedsel kan eten in plaats van dag voor dag te bekijken hoe het gaat en van hieruit aanpassingen te maken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken aan de producten die ik niet meer kan eten en me af te vragen of ik dit zolang volhoud.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb het ook wel prettig te vinden dat ik nu een aanleiding heb om op deze manier mijn voeding aan te passen en te zien of dit weer een stapje verder ondersteunt met betrekking tot de krampen in mijn darm en met betrekking tot het laten staan van voedsel dat ik misschien beter niet elke dag kan eten omdat het iets te zwaar is om te verteren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren om gewicht te verliezen  door niet op tijd voedsel bij de hand te hebben dat ik kan eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb een diepe zucht te ervaren bij de gedachte aan het voorbereiden van voedsel dat ik nu wel kan eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken ‘nee niet weer’ en hierin in een herhaling te kijken, in plaats van deze periode met de beugel als een losstaande periode te zien waarin ik mijn lichaam en mijzelf zo goed mogelijk ondersteun met passend voedsel.

Als en wanneer ik een ‘diepe zucht’ ervaar en mezelf in gedachten zie verkeren over het voorbereiden van voedsel dat ik kan eten, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik een weerstand ervaar ten aanzien van het voorbereiden van voedsel en hierin zit een angst verborgen dat ik er niet toe in staat ben, dat ik niet voldoende voorbereid en me door de weerstand – dus de geest – laat leiden en hierdoor niet op tijd voedsel tot me neem.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren dat ik me door  in en als de geest laat leiden in plaats van mezelf optimaal fysiek te ondersteunen met het voorbereiden van voedsel.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de ervaring van angst in te ademen en op de uitademing op te staan en voedsel voor te bereiden of een plan te maken voor de dag met voedsel dat ik kan eten.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in gedachten over voedsel dat ik voorlopig niet kan eten, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik mezelf niet ondersteun door deelname in gedachten over voedsel waar ik niets mee kan en dus is het beter en meer ondersteunend om deze gedachten niet te volgen.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel direct te stoppen met deelname in gedachten over voedsel dat ik op het moment niet kan eten en een alternatief voedingsmiddel te vinden dat ik nu wel kan eten.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in een angstervaring of angstgedachte dat ik gewicht zal verliezen, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik vloeibaar voedsel goed kan verteren en hier veel van tot me kan nemen en dat de opname hiervan niet zoveel inspanning vraagt van mijn lichaam/spijsvertering en dat er geen gewichtsafname hoeft plaats te vinden als ik een goede planning en voorbereiding maak.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel mijn voeding voor te bereiden en voldoende passend voedsel bij de hand te hebben zodat ik voldoende voeding binnenkrijg.

Hier vandaan realiseer ik me dat ik regelmatig niet wil voorbereiden omdat ik liever ‘iets anders doe’ en het dan uitstel totdat mijn bloedsuikerspiegel iets gedaald is en ik ‘nu’ eten nodig heb.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb liever iets anders te doen dan voedsel op tijd en grondig voor te bereiden.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel het woord grondig voor mezelf te herdefiniëren en gebruiken als ondersteuning om op tijd voedsel voor te bereiden en mezelf te gronden.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel dag voor dag te bekijken hoe het met mijn tanden en kiezen gaat en wat ik kan eten.

beugel

 


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De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 724 – 12. Learning what consequence is

 

This blog is related to record 12: Learning what consequence is

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already had in mind somehow to do it all alone without firstly align and ground myself within a relationship where in we could both stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of already had in mind somewhere to do it all alone, this ‘plan of action’ was activated by some words of the male and so me using this words as some kind of ‘proof’ that this is what I have to do and can do, that this is somehow ‘okay’ to do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that this is actually me within my mind, manipulating words (of doubt) from another, towards using this for my self-interest within this ‘plan of action’ that I had hidden as a secret within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in a way, on the other by using his words as a reason and justification, as some sort of ‘sign’ that I now can start my ‘secret plan of action’ without considering the whole situation that I and the male are involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within myself within conflict because of taking action from a point of self-interest in a situation that was not grounded at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to an outcome as doing it all alone bacause not having a program ready of how to effectively build a relationship as how is best for both/best for all and from here, somehow thinking and believing that I will never able to do so and at the same time, knowing that it should be possible and that it is within my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now only see and learn what consequenses are for myself within relationships and how they end, however it took me many more years to really consider all and every aspect including the effect of my decisions on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here on think and believe that ‘I am responsible for myself and another is responsible for him/herself’ and so within this, not considering to take responsibility as well for others involved as much as it is within my awareness and when and as another is not yet be able to do so because of having les awareness in that moment, it is up to me to step in and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘it was his responsibility to step in with me’ which it is in the end, however missing out here on the consequense of my words and actions for another as well and not only for me.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of stepping forward and express what I see as consequence and responsibility within another’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it is also my responsibility to speak up, to step forward and support another to learn what consequence is, this within my ability and awareness in that certain moment.

I commit myself to bring my fear back to myself, to see and forgive what the fear as judgement is and from here, see how I can best step forward and speak or show some awareness in a way that another is able to understand.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought-pattern, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I create consequenses for myself within my physical body that are not needed or doing any good.

I commit myself to step by step, walk and forgive the layering of fear within me, to write it out, to name, understand and forgive myself until I am able to stand more clear and stable within myself with regards to relationships and patterns of fear of loss and standing alone.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to move forward within a certain point within a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have an effective program ready and so, I need to create a real and lasting solution from here on from within myself, which feel like ‘impossible’ because I have never done it before.

I commit myself to move myself into the unknown field, to step by step create a solution by using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, cross-referencing with others/support from others and considering the aspects that I can see within myself and so slowly, build the ground and stability within myself, within my life and within the relationship with another and with others in general.

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Previous blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

Next blog: 13. Trying to make it up

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Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive