Dag 740 – 20. Searching for the life within me

This blog is related to record 20: Searching for the life within me

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a programming of giving birth to another life as a way to try to experience the ‘gift of life’ so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the gift of life is existing within me as a potential that I can ‘breathe life in’ through bringing me back to myself from the separation in and as my own consciousness, within the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction and the living of words in a way that is best for all, in and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within trying to give birth to another life, separate myself more from myself and the potential of ‘the gift of life’ within and as myself, because of more and more following thoughts, emotions and feelings related to the polarity of having or not having the possibility to become pregnant and so, making it dependent on something that is already separated from myself in and as my mind as a programming existing.

Here to mention that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with becoming pregnant or having this as something one would like to create, as long as it is coming from a starting-point of stability, responsibility and common sense and actually would be most cool if one is able to firstly walk some years into an understanding of what it means to be self-responsible, to learn and see the influence of thoughts, emotions and feelings within/as self and how to direct oneself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the potential of birthing myself as life from the physical, to make this dependent on giving birth to another life and so, making something outside myself responsible for myself as the potential as life within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself unhappy and emotional by making myself dependent on something or someone outside myself and more and more, loose sight of myself within my potential.

When and as I see myself becoming emotional and unhappy, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I make my potential to be here, to be in breathe and express myself, that I make this dependent on something or someone outside myself.

I commit myself to investigate why and how I make my self-expression dependent on something or someone else and to see what it is that I fear (to happen or loose) and from here, forgive myself accordingly and live the correction by practising my experession from a point of self-responsibility, as in being aware of the responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and emotions, words and deeds and expressing myself within and as this awareness.

Previous blog: 19. Playing Russian Roulette

Next blog: to come

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Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 739 – My process with sleeping – back then and now

 

Let’s take a moment to look at some changes that I have walked during the last 6 years in the time that I am walking with others, together in a group named Desteni. It is an individual process from consciousness to awareness, yet it is a process that I cannot walk alone, as I need others who are walking in the same principle, as support and point of cross-reference but also first and foremost, to receive the ungoing ‘information’ that I do not have access to by myself, simply because we each have our own path and specific access to certain area’s. – as for example the information that is given via the Portal that I then can use and investigate for and within myself.

Within this I realize every day that what I am walking now, I would not be able to do in this way without this group. It is like I could see the potential within myself but I was not able to bring it into application and so, it was more an idea of what ‘could be possible’ but where I at the same time, could not comprehend that I really could do it and actually do it.

I will start with a very small example that is practical, visible and open for investigation and application for everyone. This example is….the hours of sleep every night.

Before 2011, I was sleeping about 9 hours each night. For several years, I did not feel so well physically and with this amount of sleeping, I was able to keep myself up and running for the responsibility of taking care of myself and the house and going to work to have an amount of money to live from. At some point in spring 2011, when I already had investigated articles that Desteni is providing, I decided to bring this amount of sleep back to first 7,5 hours. So I stood up early in the morning and allowed myself to have 1 extra cup of coffee (with a maximum of total 3 small cups a day, where before I had 2 each day – here to note that I do well on some coffee, related to my bloodgroup A, however when I drink more than 3 a day, it makes me restless and uncomfortable).

For three days, I felt dull and sleepy. But I just sit through and after a few days, this went away and here, I was able to sleep 7,5 hours each night.

This was the easy step; after this I have been walking several years to bring this back to be able to sleep 6 hours a night, however I still notice that I tend to sleep a little longer, but not longer than 7-7,5 hours. This is interesting already in itself, as it shows that this 9 hours was not needed at all, not even in a period where I did not feel well physically.

In this years after 2011, I felt myself many times ‘struggling’ with this sleep. I experienced the influence when I slept too long, where I find myself ‘too much in my mind’, feeling dull, not able to direct myself and struggling with this waking up moment every morning, where the struggles mostly existed out of self-judgements about this point.

After a few years, I decided to buy an alarm that wakes up with first some ‘daylight’ coming up and then some sounds of nature. This supported me to make it a more ‘organic’ process and here, I actually started to really support and embrace myself in this, instead of keeping on judging myself about things that I was not yet applying.

I also noticed – when I was in South-Africa for a month, living in nature at the farm, together with other members of Desteni – that I could do with 5,5 hours of sleep. A site-note here is that at 21.00 in the evening, I then had difficulty to stay awake during a group-chat for example but as far as I can see, this is something that I could train myself in as well.

What I do notice when I am here in The Netherlands, is that I do naturally wake up after 5,5-6,5 hours sleep and I feel most relaxed when I have 6,5-7 hours in bed so that I do not start ‘worrying’ about not ‘having enough time to sleep’. However I am more flexible, where I sometimes sleep less. I am then tired but still able to do my tasks and then next night, I sleep 6-7 hours again.

I also notice that I still tend to stay in bed longer than my body really needs, however I am not so much making a problem of it anymore and actually waking up every morning between 6.00 and 6.30.

I very rarely tested to sleep a lot also for example during the day, in a moment that I was walking through a difficult point within myself, however here I do notice that I physically and mentally, start feeling more and more dull and slow and ‘waking up’ then really hurts, where it is as if I then first need to push through my mind-systems before I am ‘here’ in my physical and this process is then repeating when falling back to sleep, waking up, going through this painfull experience etc until I stand up again.

From here, my next challenge is to be able to sleep when there is not so much silence around me, while for example sleeping with someone else next to me. The sleeping-process is still something for me to have attention for and find a balance in. I do need a quiet rest every night/most of the nights, to keep myself physically stable and so, there is still some panic coming up if I notice that this may be disturbed, especially if it is for more than one night. After a ‘broken’ night, I do not function so well through the day and I am not so much able to enjoy myself, but then only ‘pushing through the day until I can go to sleep’.

So this sleeping-process, it can be quite something to take on as it has many aspects/dimensions related to it to consider and investigate. However, a 9 hours night-rest, it is not needed, and so is not the 8 hours each night in most cases (where I leave out the specific situations of for example illnesses, extreme heavy physical labour and exhaution, as these can be conditions that need a different and individual approach).

I have lived this proof for myself now for many years and as I have showed in the beginning of this blog; if there is one ‘person’ who was ‘convinced that I need my sleep’, then it was me!

Interesting to already shortly mention that my physical well-being and condition did improve as well through the last 6 years, where I will in time to come, write more about and what I also already did write a lot about in several blogs here. The ‘long sleeping’ was more a way to keep myself surviving, because of a lack of effective tools to support myself within the suppressive effect of my mind consciousness system on my physical well-being. So I did both: bringing back the amount of sleep and bringing in the self-support that I received (and am receiving) via Desteni.

To be continued. Thanks.

Questions and Perspectives: Sleeping (only 4-6 hours required):

(…)

Sleeping is also pre-programmed within and as the mind consciousness system within human beings – when you ‘sleep’ this is when the mind consciousness system ‘regenerates’ and ‘rejuvenates’ itself in preparation for ‘another day’ when you’ll be ‘actively participating’ as a mind consciousness system within this world as the unified consciousness field – thus the mind consciousness system will ‘while you’re asleep’ ‘dig into’ and ‘submerge’ itself into the subconscious and unconscious mind to allocate memory banks, thoughts, past experiences etc. – to merge / rise / install within your conscious mind, so when you participate within your daily ‘life experience’ you’ll have a ‘new fresh set of thoughts / thoughts patterns’ to pre-occupy you with.

Thus – the ‘sleep stages’ are actually where you submerge you within yourself, while your mind submerges you and takes you ‘with it’ from the conscious mind, into the subconscious mind straight through to the unconscious mind – (your deep sleep), see the mind takes you with it, because it cannot exist without you – and the mind can only take you on this journey through the mind stages to rejuvenate and regenerate when you’re ‘asleep’ so you don’t actually know this is really happening.

Thus – ‘sleeping’ is an automated constructed system within and as your mind consciousness system – to ‘keep it going’ – to ‘keep you going’ as a mind consciousness system. Thus – this is where dreaming takes places – dreams were the diversion for human beings to not actually see/experience/un­derstand what really happens when they dream in any way whatsoever. You ‘think’ you’re dreaming – but your mind system is actually taking you on its journey through the mind stages into the unconscious mind – to ‘dig’ and ‘search’ for thought patterns / behaviours / system alignments from the ‘global unconscious as the unified consciousness field’ – to install within you, to ‘implant’ within you – to ‘pre-occupy’ you through another day – and so this continues every evening you sleep – this is the procedure that takes place.

Then when you wake up all ‘groggy’ it’s you together with the mind as the mind – rising up from within the unconscious to the subconscious to the conscious – when you’re ‘awake’ – you’re fully / completely within and as the conscious mind.

The reason why the world says 8 – 9 hours sleep – is because the entire procedure takes 8 – 9 hours for full completion – installation and implantation of unconscious mind manifestations to be infused within and as your own mind consciousness system.

Though – what we have done with regards to dreams is the following – instead of you going within and as your own mind journey through the mind stages – we’ve compressed all three mind stages to one singular point within you as you – where we ‘brought together everything and all of you to one singular point within the mind as all three mind stages’. Thus – when you sleep – you don’t submerge anymore – but is placed within this one singular point – where dreams are inserted which assist and support you within the current point placement of yourself within your process – thus – dreams now assist and support you with regards to where you are in your process currently – the ‘point’ of you within yourself.

That’s why we suggest only 4 – 6 hours sleep – this is all you require – because if you sleep longer than this – you’ll move beyond this point placement of you within you and submerge with your mind into the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind – thus you giving your mind the opportunity to regenerate and rejuvenate itself – by installing and implanting manifestation within you from other human beings in this world through the unconscious mind unified field connection / interconnection – and have experiences / reactions within you – that’s not even of you – but believe to be you – then the moment you believe it to be you – you make it your own – and thus so ingrain the reactions/beha­viours within and as your own mind consciousness system.

4 – 6 Hours sleep is sufficient – it’s all your human physical body requires – because then it’s not sleep per say – but resting your human physical body for a moment. It will take some diligence to ‘re-set’ yourself to only sleep 4 – 6 hours a day – though each have the will to do this.

Will do the self forgiveness list as well – though – here for the moment – diligence and discipline to only sleep for 4 – 6 hours maximum.

Also read: Jack – Self-Forgiveness – Sleeping

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Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 738 – 19. Playing Russian roulette

This blog is related to record 19: Playing Russian roulette

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play Russian Roulette and in this way, ‘let Nature decide’ instead of making a grounded decision after considering all dimensions within and without myself that are involved in the act of having intercourse while having a biological clock ticking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to walk a ‘Russian roulette’ as physical consequenses to be able to stand up and forgive/correct myself from a situation in the past that I had not walked within self-awareness, instead of having the tools and being able to forgive myself within writing and speaking and so, preventimng myself from walking consequenses in and as this physical existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the creation of physical consequences and wanting myself as how I see I could be and walk within my potential, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the mind-programming has been physically manifested and integrated within and as myself and within and as this physical existence and so, it takes a physical process to walk through and eventually stand up in and as myself, while walking through the consequences, to come to a point of self-responsibility, within and as self-awareness and self-understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not yet being able to live as how I imagine I could within my utmost potential, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I look from a mind-perspective to myself as ‘how I could be’, instead of seeing how I am within the reality of this moment and from here, support myself to take responsibility for myself in those area’s and dimensions that I see that need alignment to a more considering approach of myself (and/as others) as life as a whole.

When and as I see myself tending to ‘let Nature decide’ as not taking direction of a situation to make a decision in, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am allowing myself to let myself being influenced by a desire that I have not yet investigated within and as myself and so, that I have not yet taken responsibility for.

I commit myself to find out what desire makes that I tend to let something or someone outside myself decide what will happen within myself or my life, in area’s that I actually do have a say in and from here, forgive myself the related emotion or feeling within the desire, to take of the load so to speak and from here, take responsibility by taking the time to consider all dimensions within and as myself that I am having access to in that moment, before making life-changing steps or decisions.

When and as I see myself fearing and/or judging physical consequences, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the fear I experience consist of a judgement, as giving more or less value to something, more or less than seeing and understanding it for what it is.

I commit myself to embrace physical consequences when and as they are here and to use them to align myself to the living of my potential in consideration of myself and others, connected in and as life, within the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction and while doing this, standing up and learning to direct – myself as well as the situation that I am involved in – to an outcome that is best for all and within the capacity of my own body, being and mind.

I commit myself to while doing so and ‘walking back’, meaning walking through my own mind-creations, to take responsibility for what I have created and within this, ensure to support myself and/as others as well, to eventually prevent creating unneccessary consequences again.

When and as I see myself judging myself (or/as another) for not yet living my that what I see that I am capable of as my utmost potential, to stop and breathe.

I realize that I look from a mind-perspective to myself (and/or others) and from here, create an idea of how I could be, instead of seeing who I am in the reality of the moment.

I commit myself to be and become self-honest with who I am in the reality of the moment and from here, take responsibility for the flaws through the application of self-forgiveness and then correct myself as aligning myself to a more considering approach of life as a whole.

Bernard Poolman:

“Engage the problem to understand the problem. Place yourself in all positions to gain a multi dimensional understanding. Observe where you have an interest you want to protect and why you want to protect it and justify your position. For instance – with money – place yourself with little money having to buy food and educate your children, then increase the money and see how your choices change –and then have a lot and see how you change – and then have equal money –enough for all and see why it is you are unable to give to others, yet you want for yourself – why this need to be better exist when it is not based in reality, but rather in an obsession to judge others, in an obsessive idea of inequality that makes you fear others will abuse you if there is equality – then find it in you to correct yourself to transcend the fears that you use to justify inequality –remembering the various conditions you have experienced through your imagination –now you have learned an effective way to use imagination—to understand how others live, without you having to go through it directly –make this experience valuable by changing that within you that cause others to suffer and then you will experience enlightenment and the world will become a better place when you make sure your experience that you integrate of a world where all have enough, becomes the world system in education, economics, education, politics, healthcare –we all have the capacity to teach ourselves –once we have removed our own justifications and fear of others as equals”

Previous blog: 18. Using emotional manipulation

Next blog: 20. Searching for the life within me


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 737 – Teeth, systems and self-responsibility

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Since a few months I have placed a brace in my mouth to correct my teeth. Last week I had the second check up and correction of this brace. This time I experienced more pain in some of my teeth, especially the few that they had placed a different line in between to move them, the few teeth that are more in front than others.

The same evening I was looking in the mirror and saw that some teeth already had moved. One opening that was created to create space, had been closed now and the tooth most in front was more pushed back and in between the others. Remarkable to see how fast this can go and also understandable that I feel pressure on my teeth in this.

I do not botter this ‘pain’ or pressure on my teeth so much, I rather see it as that something is happening and I do experience it as supportive, this pressure on my teeth. It is bringing my awareness more back to my mouth and this focus is bringing me more back to myself and what I need to align within/as myself.

Next morning I had some difficulties with my stool and with a cramping intestine, as I do have from time to time, and here I was laying down for a while and see what I am experiencing within myself, by gently pressing on the sensitive places. The most common experience here was ‘as if there was something done unto me’ and from here I experienced angryness.

Here I then applied some self-forgiveness on the experience and see if I have something more specific to bring back to myself. After a while I came to the realisation that actually no one ‘did something to me’ but that it was me who had done everything to myself, that I many times was ‘finding something to create some distraction’; I experienced self-blame and then again angryness about this self-blame.

As soon as I realized that it was all a ‘self-attack’ – and here I mean with realized, that I not only ‘knew this by theory’ but that I could see it within me – the pain on this teeth decreased and went away. After this I still feel the pain for a few days with eating for example, as the teeth have been moved with some pressure and this gives some kind of ‘blue’ feeling in this area for a few days.

This does not mean that I, by realizing that I attack myself and ‘do something to myself’, that I now am ‘done’ and that all tension and misalignments are solved, as I need to understand them one by one in how I have accepted and allowed myself to create these misalignments, so it is more a starting-point of self-honesty that I can walk from while taking responsibility within self-forgiveness and self-correction for the self-separating programmings within/as myself.

Here it is important to really see and realize this within and as myself, related to my own specific programmings. The theory has given the start to open this up, to work towards this self-insight, self-forgiveness and eventually self-correction and self-change; however when I do not yet have really understand this within myself and within my own specific situation and creation, it is still only theory and I will not be able to change anything within myself. My body is the perfect reference-point for this, because the discomfort and pain is only releasing when I really see and understand a point within and as myself.

This point brings me to a ‘proove for myself’ of the principle that we create our own inner discomforts and pains – and from here, I am more and more able and willing to take responsibility for my self and my own experiences and crations in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions and then again, integrated physically.

Note: here I am speaking about the created thoughts, emotions and feelings and not so much about the harmful physical circumstances that many grow up in, which is for me clear to work with because I have been fortunetely to grow up physically quite stable.

So I first then have seen that this theory and information is based on common sense and standing as a principle that is considering what is best for all, including myself, that is prooved by others and from here, I apply the given tools, to really see and understand this given information and principles integrated within myself. So that from here, I will be able to take responsibility for myself in thought, word and deed, step by step, day by day. 

The interesting thing in this process from consciousness to awareness that I now walk with the support of correcting my teeth, is that I can use this to align myself with some related pre-programmings and then from here, learn to direct myself within, to stand ‘my ground’ so to speak. So that I will be able to less and less, allow myself to be moved by the automatic and/or preprogrammings within/as myself. Because as long as I exist within these programmings, I am not considering what is best for myself and/as life as a whole, in/as this physical existence.

Here I have to come to understand how I created this within and as myself, as a survival of my own mind-consciousness-system and if I really understand and so, forgive myself; while doing so, I enable myself to start moving myself without being influenced by automatic thoughts, emotions and feelings coming up. So that I am and will be able to more and more make decisions that are trustable and best for all.

Some back-ground information on the mouth-point and the teeth by Veno:

4.) MOUTH point

The MOUTH point is the ‘holder’ of the pre-programmed life experience of yourself here on earth within the White Light gridline structure – referred to as your ‘blueprints’.

As you ‘come of age’ you lose your first set of teeth that had come out. The first fresh beautiful set of teeth that come out when you are a child I will refer to as your ‘Pure Teeth’. They are pure from the perspective that they are developed from within the pure life essence resonance foundation as who you really are and actually support who you really are. Yet, here come the designers of consciousness enslavement and control systems and implement a system within your entire physical body as you develop in the mother’s womb, which is actually transferred to you through the ‘sins of the fathers’ principle, that ‘push out’ your ‘Pure Teeth’ and replace it with ‘System Teeth’.

The ‘System Teeth’ carry the blueprints of your entire life experience here on earth, meaning that the blueprints as your ‘System Teeth’ carry your entire pre-programmed life within the White Light gridline structure. The moment your ‘Pure Teeth’ fall out and are replaced with your ‘System Teeth’ – your entire life, all the experiences of yourself here on earth, is programmed and infused within the White Light gridline structure on earth. Because your ‘System Teeth’ carry the blueprints of your pre-programmed life here on earth within the White Light gridline structure – the two lock in together and voila: You are ready to experience your manifested pre-programmed life here on earth.

Your entire life experience on earth has been pre-programmed humanity – and it’s all allocated in the blueprints of the teeth you currently have! Understand that the blueprints of the ‘System Teeth’ that are developed and come through when your ‘Pure Teeth’ fall out – is transferred from within the preprogrammed mind consciousness system already manifested and infused within you while you were busy being developed in the mother’s womb. And this is how the consciousness systems within you started manifesting into an actual becoming here on earth as you experience yourself: The consciousness systems manifested as you grow, physically and mentally in this world as indicated by the teething process. Therefore the teeth you now have is supporting consciousness systems as who and what you have become and accepted yourself to be – as you live and experience yourself within your pre-programmed life design.

(NOTE: I am not saying that you must pull all your teeth. In PART FOUR I will be giving all practical examples of how to support yourselves and the children to come in not having to be controlled and enslaved, but to take your own power and direct yourself as who you really are within which this part I have explained above will be placed into perspective for you. So pause on pulling the teeth.)

(Veno – Structoral Resonance point Part 2 Phase 1)

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 736 – 18. Using emotional manipulation

This blog is related to record 18: Using emotional manipulation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to affirm the love and trust of another to get what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the point of responsibility back to myself as if I am only responsible for what I step into, where in I miss the point of responsibility for what my words and actions have as effect on another, using this ‘responsibility that each one has for oneself’ as an excuse as in that ‘this is the responsibility of that other and then that one should have better taken care of oneself’ where in I see that this is a ‘spiritual approach’ where in each is here to learn a lesson or something, instead of working together and considering all as equal as oneself and from here, see how to create a best possible outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use one’s so called ‘love’ to fulfill my own desire, instead of supporting another to become more stable in a point of dependency and from here, stand equally together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step in and out someone’s life and starting with an ‘end-goal’ in trying to become pregnant, instead of firstly stand the test of time and see if both are willing and able to stand and walk together during a life time, as a stable platform to consider giving birth to a child and raising it within a starting-point of self-responsibility and so, creating the best possible situation to be an example for the child within and as self-responsibility as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signs within me that I am not willing to stand the test of time and instead, try to fulfill ‘as soon as possible’ an end-goal, knowing that if it doesnot happen soon, I will not be able and willing to first walk through the difficulties before considering an end-goal as becoming pregnant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I reflect back on it, actually am wondering how I could push this point as how I did, because the point of responsibility and common sense is so far to be searched in it and so, it is obviously that within this one point, I was far far away in an illusional resporduction-programminging in/as the mind.

Here I remember how a therapist in The Netherlands is stating that for ‘nature and the body’, the importance of existance and survival is gone after the fertility has stopped around the age of 44 and the hormonal status slowly starts changing (where he is using this as a frame-work to look at health-conditions in general and how to approach this), which I see reflected in my own mind as how I have lived this out, trying to fulfill this one goal, as if otherwise, it doesnot make sense to exist or something like that.

When and as I see myself participating in an inner experience of state as that ‘it doesnot make sense’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am participating in a survival-programming in/as the mind that is physical integrated within the hormonal-/reproduction-system and so, it seems very real as the only reason to exist, as well on a mental/emotional level as being lived out on a physical level.

I realize that this is a realistic view because it is physical integrated and manifested through time and genration after generation, however it is also a limited view from a starting-point of how we have always existed in/as the mind consciousness system controling this physical existence with our beingness channeled into this limitation.

I realize that this will take time to forgive/understand and change and that this will need some more generations to fully see through and get to the the bottom of, because it is totally integrated within our physical bodies and how we have developped ourselves within, however I (and we) can start now within/as myself to see through and get to the bottom of it by walking through my mind consiousness system programming, layer by layer and forgive and direct myself within to align with a more holistic approach that is considering life as a whole.

I commit myself to walk through my mind consiousness system programming, layer by layer and forgive and direct myself within, to align with a more holistic approach that is considering life as a whole and to from here, see what effect this will/can have on the physical body and on this physical existence as a whole, for myself in this life and for each other and generations to come, to open up and forgive my/our limitations in/as the accepted and allowed mind-programming and to from here, create a physical existence that actually does make sense, because when and as I/we do exist as life – meaning considering all living beings equal and one – life in itself and it’s expression, is the sense of it, as a practical, physical and living expression of what is best for all, no matter if one is bringing forward life in the form of a new born child or in many other options as a new born creation of our utmost potential as a human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to giving birth to a possible new born child than to a new born creation of my utmost potential within the practical possibilities that I have in this physical existence.

When and as I see myself comparing something that I live and eventually create or not live or create, to what another is living and creating, I stop and breathe.

I realize that by comparing myself in any way to another, I am actually already giving more value to that other than to myself in that moment and so there is something that I do not value within myself that I need to investigate for/within myself.

I commit myself to stop my participation in comparison and from here, see what made me do so and what I do not value within myself and I commit myself to understand and forgive that what I do not value within myself, to see if I can actually do better and so need to push and support myself more to bring myself here in expression or that I have a default idea about this something that I compare myself with but that is actually not realistic and from here, I can forgive and let go this idea and bring forward myself in a more aligned self-expression.

When and as I see myself or another, using emotional manipulation, I stop and breathe.

I realize that comparison is playing a role as when and as emotional manipulation is used, this means that there is a self-value missing and instead, the value is placed on something or someone outside self, which gives an experience and status of disempowerment with all kind of possible outflaws and consequenses.

I commit myself to find the point of responsibility that is missed within that moment, within myself and/as/or within another as myself and from here, see how to best support myself and/as/or another as myself, to understand this point of responsibility and so making it possible to within this (self-)understanding and/as (self-)forgiveness, stand up, equal and one within the responsibility that emerges in and as self.

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Previous blog: 17. A relationship ending (in the past)

Next blog: 19. Playing Russian roulette


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Uil forgive

Dag 735 – 17. A relationship ending (in the past)

This blog is related to record 17: A relationship ending

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to …

I do not really find a point moving within me while listening to this recording nr 17 – which is cool as then I have this dimension walked through, I also hear this in my voice and how I speak about it. However I can expand some on the subject and on ‘the ending of a relationship’ in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired of ending relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it sad how relationships are ending and then an interaction is often stopping and coming to an end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have difficulties with the word ‘ending’ and actually, want to keep relationships continuing and ‘never ending’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make a ‘never ending story’ out of a relationship where it more sounds like walking in circles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that he ‘should have taken time to sit down and communicate’, where in I do see that I ‘find something’ of a point in this recording, although I do not experience a reaction within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge it as a non valid reason to end a relationship and to ‘expect more’, that he found it too much of an effort and too uncomfortable to sit down and talk once a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now experience myself how uncomfortable and ‘unknown’ it is to really communicate with a partner and bring forward my selfwill and what I stand for, so much that I myself tend to step back and give up and to use reactions of another as a reason to not push through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a concept in this in my mind, that I can use as a guideline of how to support the communication with a partner, where I do not find any of such as the concepts that I have in/as experience, in/as my mind, do not work at all in a current situation and here I see that in the past with this partner that I speak about in the record, I was placing the communication in a concept that worked for me but not for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I worked with a concept that was supportive for me but not for him, and so I felt comfortable in it but he not and so, I did have a form of control in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to concepts that I know in/as my mind and so that I feel comfortable in, to use as a way to communicate without seeing, realizing and understanding that this concept works for me but not for the other and so by pushing my concept, I keep the control which activates probably an unpleasant and some sort of diminishing experience in the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in place within a concept of communication without really seeing what kind of effect this has on another, because I am convinced that ‘my concept works’, without considering that ‘it works for me’ and how I have myself build up in/as my mind-programming, which is different than how another has build himself or herself up in/as his/her mind-programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I am still working with concepts as a way to try to keep the experience of control alive within/as myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so, I will not birth myself in sound in self-expression, because here will be no concept as control anymore, but more a walking breath by breath, moment by moment that I do not have ‘a concept for in my mind’, but that I will learn by doing so while walking within the guidelines of standing within principle and considering all as myself as life and considering where we are all situated in this process.

When and as I see myself trying to communicate in a way that another is not responding well to, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am pushing my concept of communicating that is comfortable for me but perhaps not for another, and although it may contain principles that are best for all, this doesnot mean that it is directly the best way to communicate.

I commit myself to push myself to try and find ways to communicate that are working for myself as well as for another.

When and as I see myself wanting to give up because a communication is not going smoothly, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have any reference of how to do this, other than walking it in real time and finding ways by applying the principles of what is best for all, within my communication and finding words that will support me in this and from here, can be of support for another and I realize that I will make mistakes in this as a trial and error process, not as ‘I can make mistakes no matter what’ but more as a realistic approach of walking into new area’s.

I commit myself to be gentle and patient with myself in this and I do not allow myself to give up, but rather breathe, step back and take time to find out what I need to align within myself, what experiences are coming up that I need to define, forgive and replace with a supportive word to live and while doing so, slowly slowly create a new approach for myself that is flexible, supportive and alligned within the principles of equality and oneness and that I can use and stand in as self-expression within consideration of myself or another as life.

When and as I see that I compromise or have compromised myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that we are all grown up in compromising situations from the very beginning and so, the compromising words, patterns and behaviours will come up to take responsibility for.

I commit myself to take responsibility for the compromising words, patterns and behaviours that I see coming forward in myself and my life within the application of self-forgiveness and to be aware to not create more energy around this than necessary to walk through, meaning, to not make it ‘more bad because I have compromised myself or another’ but to see it practical and realistic as consequenses that need to become visible and walked through.

When and as I see myself ‘expecting more’ within a communication, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I look from my onw concept towards another and then expect another to understand my concept.

I commit myself to look into the word ‘expectation’ within communication, for/within myself and how to communicate with another without expecting it to be understand or taken on as how I understand and take it on.

A process to be continued…

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Previous blog: 16. Shame and compromising

Next blog: 18. Using emotional manipulation


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Uil forgive

Dag 734 – Blame, projection and fear of loss

blame

Following up on the previous blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what it is that I fear within manipulation tactics as in a situation where thoughts are projected on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very tired now when I start writing this blog and experiencing some kind of blankness where in I do not see any point to write self-forgiveness about, as if I only can close my eyes and want to go to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I can never do this’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an unability to do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how to walk through and keep standing within a situation where thoughts and feelings and emotions are projected on me as a form of manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for going away out of reaction in/as fear and within this, enlarging or fueling a possible reaction in another who then also goes away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the other goes away as a reaction on my reaction of going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how to stop this cat and mouse game, other than by going away, which is not what I want or see as a real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally panic when another is going away, however when another is coming within panic to me, I also tend to go away out of fear of the reactions from another when and as I am not doing as how they want or expect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I never satisfy enough and that I am not given the time to see within myself what I want and how to do this and so, feeling like I am  always ‘too late’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to please the other in/as the mind, out of a fear of loss as an experience within myself when another is going away, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in pleasing another in/as the mind, I go away from myself and here I am actually pleasing my own mind as pleasing my own fear (of loss) and so, fullfilling my own fear (of loss) in loosing myself in trying to please myself or/as another in/as the mind, as in a closed circle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that only consequenses will be created where in another don’t see the consequences and I am not able to direct myself effectively within in the consequences and so the point of creation gets lost and distracted in consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make another see the point of blame as projection in/as the mind, so that from here, we can be together, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can not ‘make another see’ and that my starting-point here is actually still in/as the mind located as in a fear of loss and so, I will firstly create the loss as how I fear, through the point of blame as projection on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it frightening how far we all go/have gone in/as the mind to abdicate responsibility, within blame as projections of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions on something or someone outside ourselves, instead of bringing the thoughts, feelings and emotions back to self and start understanding/forgiving where they come from and so, start taking responsibility for ourselves in/as our own mind and stop blaming something or someone within/without.

When and as I see blame/projection towards me or another, within the words/behaviour of someone in conversation with me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I cannot easily ‘make another see’ how the mind exist as a projection-system and so in/as the manifestation of blame, however I do can decide to not participate and to make this clear, for example by walking away, by saying some words or by simply/literally mentioning that I do not participate in a conversation with blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in blame by accepting and allowing it, coming forward out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to do everything good and perfect so that another cannot blame me for anything and through this, the other will eventually bring the point of blame back to self, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that 1. I will also make mistakes that I then need to correct that can be used against me and 2. another will always be able to find something to start blaming with by projecting one’s own thoughts, feelings and emotions on me in some way, when I do not as they are pleased by, and from here, using one’s own thoughts, feelings and emotions projected on me, as a reason to blame me and so, abdicate one’s own responsibility.

I commit myself to not participate in a point of blame, not within myself and not within conversation with another and if I see that I do so, to look within myself what makes that I am doing this, what I fear to loose and take responsibility for this within/as myself through understanding/forgiving myself for this point and participation.

To be continued after investigating Desperation and Communication Awareness as a dimension of creating this ‘picture’ that someone else sees of me and that I then fear to be defined as/blamed for.

the-design-of-fear-of-loss


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive