mmm I am a little bit lost as for the last month I wrote out 4 trigger characters as characters and this writing is finished for now, so….what’s next? lol.
I was in a shopping centre for furnish with my mother. I needed some small stuff. As often happens, it took me a long time to ‘choose’. I find choosing very difficult.
My mother said, it’s exactly the same as when you were younger. I said yes, there are so many options, so many choises to make. Yes she said, too many choises.
With regards to education and health issues, I have never hesitated long, I know exactly which way to go, what is really supportive for myself and my body within this. No matter if I have challenges within this, I will push through. Not doing this is simple not an option. Also choises in work did go well.
With regards to buying things, I hesitate a long time. It is always related to money, as I have to balance out what I like and how much money I have available.
With regards to relationships, I never seem to make a real choise in this. And if I do so, the other person is not really making a choise, which is somehow reflecting this point, and still no choise and/or stand is made in this.
I still am hesitating about a choise that I made last year and already am walking, which is living alone again. Lol, I cannot change it anymore, and still am hesitating in my mind. How bizar.
With regards to ‘having’ children, I have hesitated for about 10 years, and I did not get them. There were some situations, that if I really wanted it, I could have stepped in and make it possible. It was maybe not perfect, but a good option with practical possibilities. I did not, and on the road I started to understand why not, as the systems within myself, within the family, within society, within the scholing, I bumped on, and I could not make the decision because I did not want to pass on to the child what I was experiencing within myself, and I was having doubts about myself, standing for a child within the system as how it exists now, as I am within myself, existing as a system that I do not yet fully understand.
So, it seems that money, and the systems within myself, are keeping me away from making a real choice, a real stand, from decision making. Money and Systems, which are actually the same, existing Within as the Mind Consiousness System and existing Without as the World Money System. Both unequal to Life, as what is best for All. So seperated in unequality, in seperation from myself, I get lost in all the free choices that can be made, seems to need to be made.
Around this I build up hesitations, doubts, resistances, dislikes. Which are confusing me and in which I keep myself locked up in self-interest in/as judgements, which again makes it difficult to make a stand. And even that is a judgement again.
So I start with writing out some related subjects with applying self-forgiveness on all the judgements that I have created in it, and within this investigating how money and free choise are related to this.
Proces van zelfverandering:
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?