The evening before Roos died, I was participating in knowledge and information. And within this, I was not able to physically see what was going on and what was needed in that moment. I even believed that I was doing the right thing, altough I was not comfortable with and as myself that night. I believed ‘I had to put some lines’ and within this, put her back in her living space and decided to not check on her for one time. Several patterns came up in this, and I was gone, in and as the mind, going to bed. I felt a rush of adrenaline, I woke up 6 times. Oeps now I see, as I have noticed before, when there is coming up this adrenaline, I am doing something and/or want to do/want to say something in and as self-interest, in and as the mind. This time, I didnot even see this as a signal, I assigned it to a work-out lesson that I had that evening. I missed a lot; the mind was pretty much in control.
Afterwards there was no participation in guilt. I have participated in guilt many times, where actually I know that I am doing something in and as self-interest, but I decide to do it anyway with several reasons for it, and afterwards I experience guilt, in where the guilt gives somehow a better feeling again afterwards about doing this. The interviews of the Atlantean about guilt explain this very clearly. In this situations, when this happen, in the moment I am not really clear I am doing things in self-interest, but afterwards I see, oh yes of course, shit, that was not cool at all.
For the second time now since the starting of walking this process, I make a huge mistake within a believe that I was doing the right thing. So afterwards it’s like, wtf, where was I? How could I ever have done/have missed this? I was in knowledge and information. In knowledge and information, it was not such a bad solution to put her back in the space around her hutch, but it was a bad solution, because I look from the perspective of my own mind in and as memories, and place this on the moment in and as life here, and so I miss life here in the moment as myself. I do not physically see what is going on, what is needed, I am not physically walking with the other being in and as myself, actually I am not here physically, but busy protecting myself in and as the mind in patterns that are triggered……participating in knowledge and information, trying to protect myself in and as these patterns. And so for this one specific moment, it was a bad solution, it was not best at all.
If I stop protecting myself in and as this patterns as memories, I have to see in these whole patterns, how I was in mistake in this my whole life, participating in and as control in the mind, and of course, the mind does not like this, and so, ‘throw up’ a huge protection mechanism, to try to survive in and as these patterns in and as a belief of having done and doing the right thing, and within this, harms life in general, from myself, from everything and everyone, and in this specific case the life of Roos. To become clear on this is the Gift of Life by Roos.
So, this whole pattern is opening up now. Because I can and do not will allow myself anymore to stay in this compromising patterns. It did manifest and manifests in very small things, and I somehow always put it back under the carpet, which was possible because it was so small, so ‘not seen’ and so ignored, by from my perspective, everyone around me where I grew up, and within this I gave the mind space to use this to ignore it myself in a way. Like half seeing it, working with it, and half allowing it as a backdoor. Because, if I decide to not accept and allow myself to compromise myself anymore, the consequence is that…..I stand alone.
And within this, the system and emotion of/as loneliness is showing it’s face.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself in and as knowledge and information in and as the mind, in and as memories or solutions from different situations, which I use now to put on this situation in and as knowledge and information, without seeing physically in and as this situation in and as this specific moment, as what is going on specifically in this moment in and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a way to protect myself from being here, in and as the physical, in and as a eventual not knowing what to do and how to approach in and as the mind, which gives an experience of uncertainty and maybe even desperation in this, and so to stay out of this experience in and as myself, I use knowledge and information to direct myself, out of the experience in and as the mind and to direct the situation in and as the mind into my own approach of control, which leads to an ignorance of the specifity of life in and as the living moment, in and as breath.
When and as I see myself going into a memory as knowledge and information, to search for a solution to face a specific situation in and as this physical reality, I stop, I breathe.
I realize that I am facing a situation that I donot know how to approach, and that I tend to reach to memories in and as the mind, to keep me out of this experience of ‘new’, of uncertainty, as never have done before.
I commit myself to allow myself to stay in and as a new situation in and as an experience of uncertainty, as only in and as this uncertainty, I will be able to find a new and living approach in and as a support of and as life, and within this, find the solution of life, in and as breath, in and as myself or eventual with the support of another being, to not give up on life anymore just because I don’t know how to do things but instead of this, stay here, breathing through the uncomfortability of the experience of uncertainty, seeing how to walk from here and taking time in and as this moment to be or become specific as aware of what is going on, and investigate and self-forgive in writing and/or out-loud the uncertainty and nervousness that is coming up in this approach inside myself, as I see, realize and understand that I keep myself locked in this pattern if I listen to the energetic experiences inside myself.
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Equal Life Foundation:
Proces van zelfverandering:
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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