After writing out the blog of reacting to reactions, there is an example immediately where I go in reaction on reactions. When I look back, I see the moment of decision, where I decide to ‘step in’. I see a lot of points coming up that I need to write out and there is a ‘reason’ for acting like this that I will investigate; however this moment of decision is the first point that I will take self-responsibility for in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. I would say, it is such an ‘obvious’ point and written out more than once by others, but within the reality-moment, I am full force stepping in and so not really recognize it for what it is, so the point needs writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to make it a clear flag-point for and within myself:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to step in, fully, and that I have the right to do this, because I am right in what I am speaking about, and so I fully experience as if I am right and that this is the right thing to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself in and as an experience of being right and so believing that this is the right thing to do, where before the decision I was able to correct myself but from this moment and further, as I decided to step in, I am directed by ‘my decision’ in and as the mind now and keep on defending myself in and as this condition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my self-direction to and as a decision in and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, experience and perceive stepping in the mind as ‘a right thing to do’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe this one moment within myself, of stepping in and checking in myself, very fast in a moment, where in I make the conclusion that this is the right thing to do, because it feels right and ‘one’ and which I perceive as ‘sure’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘feeling one and sure’ is leading me to the right thing to do, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘feeling right’ is coming forward out of the female-ego – a dimension that I noticed the whole conversation because I just spoken out this list of self-forgivenes-statements from Veno, but that I was not yet able to stop and correct myself so I missed some dimensions, and one of these dimensions is this ‘feeling one and sure’ – which I now see is ‘one’ because one with the female-ego as what I perceived to be, just as how the ego is set up and programmed, and ‘sure’ because I ‘feel one’ and what I speak about is ‘right’ , where in I did not take all dimensions in consideration, from myself and the other, the dimensions that I do not yet fully understand but somehow observe within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the other instead of on myself, and because I see something in the other that is ‘not right’ as not aligned, I must be right! instead of seeing, realising and understanding that 1-I may be seeing myself in the other and so project this ‘not being aligned’ on the other, which I need to check inside myself; and 2-no matter if the other is ‘right’ as aligned or not, I have no right to be right and ‘force my right upon the other’ in and as the mind, as ‘being right’ is not the same as being aligned and ‘standing equal’ in and as the physical (in Dutch: ‘gelijk hebben’ is niet hetzelfde als ‘gelijk zijn’).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe myself doing something that was ‘not right’ taking everything in consideration, as I noticed little frictions, doubts and points to investigate, but still make the decision to step in, to be right and push through out of ‘not knowing how to do it differently’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the little and large signs within myself and the other, out of not knowing how to do it differently and not having an example of how to be equal in and as myself in communication with another being in a moment of unclarity which leads to disagreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and create an experience of (fear of) being ‘wrong’ by participating in and as the experience of being ‘right’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself up in reaction in and as a search for confirmation from another being in and as an experience of being right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience it as ‘unfair’ to stop reacting when and as I am in an experience of being right, where in I realise that this is part of the same ego-experience fighting for it’s existance.
Self-corrections will follow.
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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
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