From experiencing myself as restless during the whole day (last week) and having a conflict in the evening, I decided already that evening to next morning – after additional a remarkable dream during the night – to lay down on my bed and sound self-forgiveness and release the energetic experiences. I was able to let go of some deep emotions from the past that were pointed out within the dream, where in the area around my solar plexus was responding with noises and some relaxation from a very tight state. Within this I started to notice how in a moment, my lips started to move in more clear pronouncements and I became aware of the expression within my lips/mouth and the articulation of the words within this. As if my mouth became alive and my lips are physically feeling more full and a bit twinkling.
A while ago, I asked Sunette during a chat (and/or a being expressing itself through Sunette) if there is anything related to my underlip being very dry and changing it’s skin very fast on and on. This was the answer given:
“IngridS, – FEAR of SPEAKING, the dryness is you almost ‘shrinking’ yourself into inferiority within yourself – like sucking yourself back into the mind, into suppression – so here, we’d suggest having a look at your fears you still give into in the mind when it comes to people”
It was not the most nice answer to hear lol but it was very supportive and bringing a focus/awareness. It was not a totally ‘new’ insight but had some new aspects/dimensions and also showed me the seriousness of the effect of inferiority. So I took this with me while moving on, keeping an eye on my lips, on speaking, on fear, continuing walking the patterns coming to the surface and at the same time not yet seeing so much change inside myself instead of keeping an eye on myself with regards to my lips.
During the sounding/speaking of self-forgiveness this morning, I was taking responsibility for a decision in the past that I needed to make to get clear sight on myself and to stand up on my own two feet but in what I see that I limited myself and another with regards to the living environment. This gave some release from tension in my breast area and movements with bubling noises in the area around my solar plexus and a on a specific place within my body and my large intestine.
While speaking/sounding the self-forgiveness and going into this more pronounced articulation and movement with my mouth, I noticed how I normally and almost always tend to ‘not take too much time to speak and to speak quite fast and keep it short as if I could not take so much time from others to listen to me and to not pronounce too clearly, a bit like mumbling and from here, being relieved if I was finished speaking’.
While articulating when sounding the self-forgiveness, what came up within me was ‘I am not sure if I dare to do this and take this time to pronounce while speaking with others’.
However I enjoyed and enjoy the physical experience within my mouth and lips, when speaking and also when not speaking so this gives a nice focus for myself while speaking and to become more aware of the words I say and slow down within. Because now when I write this down, I remember that so far, I do not like speaking very much and/or doing it within resistance ‘because I have to’ from myself, especially when it is an expression that may be ‘new’ and so I might meet some disunderstanding. So to prevent myself from an experience of being not- or misunderstood and going into inferiority inside myself because of being not understood, I start a bit mumbling and talking as if it is of not so much importance what I say and that ‘you can choose to listen or not’ as if I do not care so much.
I do care, I do react when I notice that someone did not hear me, not understood, not listen or forgot what I said. That was what the conflict (from inside myself projected on the outside) was actually about the other night. So quite an interesting sensitivity coming through here within my body in my lips and mouth, showing how I create this ‘not being heared’ by myself by taking away the attention from it.
Also recalling that about a year ago or something, I placed a picture on facebook where a woman gave a comment mentioning that ‘my eyes are laughing but my mouth not’ in a positive way, she liked this expression where for me it was ringing a bell and at the picture I was also keeping a hand for my mouth.
I am not used to express myself within my face and keep my face most of time as neutral as possible. Where I assume this being related to the ‘neutral state’ in/as the subconsciousness within myself. To not show what is going on inside myself. I simply did not learn to express myself through my face and mouth within words, as I did not have a living example in this while growing up. Which is my responsibility to take on within and as myself and practise and develop an expression from/as myself. I practised this within my body within many dancing-lessons through the years and I learned myself to use my eyes and body to express myself. However I was not able to allign my face and voice with this and stopped the dancing-lessons when focussing on other area’s.
A process to be continued and follwoing up with self-forgiveness, as this is a realization coming through that is up to me to bring into practical/physical living, alligned with myself in expression.
This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.
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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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