When and as I see myself participating in an experience of fearing to loose within a conversation with someone because of feeling like not being heard, I stop and breathe.
I realize that I may be speaking in a way or with words that another is not (yet) able to hear and so, the other is actually not hearing me.
I realize that I think that when I feel not being heard that I need to go, which makes it of course impossible to be heard by that one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to go when I feel not being heard and/or am actually not being heard.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘to good to stay’ when I (feel like I) am not being heard.
I realize that I define myself as ‘not being heard’ as how I worked with in the previous blog as if that is ‘who I am’ and so, I will resonate this in my words that others will pick up in/as the mind, where what I still resonate in/as the mind is what is picked up by whomever is participating in/as the mind and so the words spoken/the being in it, will not be noticed.
So I realize that I have work to do here for myself and find a way to express myself effectively and without resonating the believe of ‘not being heard’.
I realize that I even may pick out people to (intimate) connect with that I ‘know’ from that they do not yet hear me as a way to confirm myself in/as the mind and as an excuse to stay within my comfortzone in/as the mind of not being heard/of not expressing myself effectively, until it becomes (physically) uncomfortable to suppress myself/my being like this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would be okay to (intimate) connect with another without being heared and within this, suppress myself, where this ‘being okay with it’ is the comfortzone in/as the mind as how I ‘am used’ and adapted myself to be with others on a daily base as how I knwo myself while growing up.
I realize that ‘how I am used to be’ includes the words ‘being used’ as how I feel myself often where in how we are used to be and live, is actually a way of abuse that we are used to and adapted to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adapt myself and get used to a be and live in and as abuse, meaning in inequality in/as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself/my being to be abused by my acceptances and allowances in/as the mind and project this on others, in and as the feeling of ‘being used’ by another, which is actually meaning that I am used to myself in/as the mind and within this, abuse myself and my physical body.
I commit myself to use the feeling of ‘being used’ or abuse, as a flagpoint to investigate within myself what I do accept and allow within myself without standing up/speaking up/expressing myself effectively and here, use my own ‘abuse’ (as thoughts, feelings and emotions) in/as the mind constructively and as support for myself.
I commit myself to practise and find ways to express myself effectively within a way that I am comfortable in without staying in my comfortzone in/as the mind and I commit myself to do so, to connect with people who are wiling to communicate, to listen and express in a more equal way and to from here, see how I can express myself to and communicate with the ones that are more in the mind at the moment from a point of self-trust and understanding and so, standing more equal to whomever I communicate with – which I realize is a process through time.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: