“In the next blog I will start with some self-forgiveness on the overal experience of heaviness to release the emotional energy as how is suggested in this interview to start with as part of the solution. Here in I will also start to investigate the suppresion of emotions as negative energetic experiences stored in the body and the polarity with the feelings as positive energetic experiences in/as the mind.” Uit: Dag 675 – The mind-body relationship – Heaviness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experience of sadness and from here, store the emotions as negative energetic experiences in my body where I especially notice this in my large intestine, making it more difficult for my intestine to do it’s job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work ‘against’ my own body by automatically suppressing an emotional experience of sadness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to out of survival, when and as I emotionally react within sadness for example, suppress this and first look for something ‘good’ within it all within my mind as a positive reason to hold on to and so, not effectively forgive the emotional experiences but suppress them and store within my body as a memory with energetic attachements that I access everytime that the place that the memory is stored, is ‘touched’ which is almost every day when and as the waste is passing the cramped muscle fiber of my large intestine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own ‘energy station’ to generate energy from on a daily base by suppressing emotional experiences within the moment that they come up because I do not want to show them to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show to others that I am emotionally touched out of a memory, because when and as this is seen, I loose my control about the situation and feeling vulnerable for the ability of not being understood or being patronized.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to out of revenge of not being understood, suppress my emotional experiences and so hurt my body and place the revenge actually within and as me as the only one who is really suffering from this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I will do it all alone’ and so, do it all alone while at the same time, experience myself as lonely within this and feeling victim of ‘needing to do it all alone’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself of my own thought as ‘I will do it all alone’ from a starting-point of a memory or certain memories where I experienced a loss of control of not being understood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I loose control when and as I feel not being understood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that someone needs to understand me if and when I show an emotional experience and because I have stored memories of this not happening, I have stopped giving the opportunity to get to know me as an act of revenge as a solution that I came up with as a form of self-protection against the experience of lost and loosing control when and as someone doesn’t understand me when I show some emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an accumulation of resentment within and as myself and suppress this as an energetic experience within my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and myself heavy from suppressed emotional experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to press myself down with an experience of resentment and from here, create an experience of sadness as some kind of reward for myself as convincion that ‘I am right’ because I feel sad about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am right because I feel sad about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my experiences of sadness as an affirmation that how I see things is the way it is, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I may see aspects and dimensions that need to be corrected but that doesn’t mean that I see the whole picture as ‘how it is’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my own experience of sadness and make myself feeling a victim out of this belief that I am a victim, because I feel sad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself out of believing that my emotional experiences are real and ‘how it is’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a narrow view on how things are within and as my mind, seeing through the eyes of my emotional experiences and within this/within suppressing this, narrowing the passage of my large intestine as a narrowing of my physical expression and ability of removing the waste as things that I do not need to hold on to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to narrow my physical self-expression by believing the emotional experiences that come up within me as ‘who I am and how it is’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my limited/narrowed view in/as the mind, in and as a belief that ‘I am right’ because I experience how I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand myself in how I experience myself and feel like loosing control in/as an experience of panic when and as another is not understanding me and here, not being able to ‘show the other that I am right’ within how I feel/experience myself and so, feel/experience myself like ‘loosing’ and so to prefend myself from loosing, rather choose to not show my emotions and suppress it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not leave space for opening up, neither for myself or another by holding on to the believe that I am right in how I feel and because of not feeling understood and not feeling supported within a way of opening up things constructively, suppress how I experience myself within emotions coming up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘another understanding me’ is an affirmation of my believe that I am right within who I am, where I now actually see that I was looking for an affirmation that ‘it is okay that I experience these emotions’ and that ‘I have the right to be here, even when and as these emotions are coming up’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I may not be here when and as emotions are coming up as an idea that I created out of seeing a respons of not being understood and not being understood where the emotions come from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I may not be here when and as emotions are coming up and so, suppress myself within and as the emotions coming up, pretending as if ‘I am alright’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend and perceive myself as if I am alright, while within myself I have all these suppressed emotions stored that I do not understand the source of.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions to still hold on to the pretending that ‘ I am (al)right’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate emotions coming up, which I can translate now as that I did not take responsibility for my emotuions coming up and myself within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself between the need to release my emotions and being understood in this and holding up as if ‘I am alright’.
I see, realize and understand coming forward out of this writing that I need to redefine my approach of what it means when emotions are coming up and how to direct myself within and especially, remember and apply this constantly and consistantly to stop suppressing my emotions, not by ‘revealing this to others’ especially but more in a way to support myself and name what is happening within me for myself, without the need ‘to be right’ but from a starting-point of understanding myself in where the emotions come from and what triggered this within the moment.
Here I need to find a flag-point for myself. I see that there is a moment of experiencing a ‘heaviness’ within myself within a moment that I react within myself and hide it. Like I recognize it is a short moment and then, suppress almost automatically.
I remember that is mentioned that my father had done this in a certain situation so he probably has manifested this as a habit and I may have copied it and manifest it myself within myself; same as with him not showing emotions where I have choosen him as an example to handle myself when and as emotions are coming up.
I commit myself to, when and as I feel a moment of heaviness where in notice a reaction within myself, I stop and breathe and instead of automatically suppressing it, breathe in, look at what the emotion entails and see if I can name it, breathe out and forgive myself for participating within the emotion. I commit myself to in a suitable moment, investigate what the source is of the emotion and what triggered it and from here, forgive myself for what I see.
I commit myself to push myself to look self-honestly what I experience within and as myself as a way to defend myself in thoughts and emotions as if ‘I am alright’, as controlmechanism and prevention to loose control. I allow myself to loose control and I allow myself to loose and I allow myself to experience related emotions coming up within me.
I commit myself to use emotions coming up within me as a support for myself to see where I separated myself from myself by going into the mind – using a thought as a way of control, to ‘not loose’ control and from here, creating energetic experiences, especially emotions as sadness and resentment to affirm myself as if ‘this is me, I am (al)right’ as a way of control to prevent myself from experiencing panic and loss – and from here, allow myself to loose control and forgive myself for what I experience, to enable myself to correct myself from an experience of loosing control and self-judgement into standing with and as myself in self-direction, within the understanding of what is happening within me and within and as self-trust that I will understand myself if I am willing to see myself in self-honesty.
I commit myself to see in real time moments where it works what I wrote out here and where I need more specifity as self-support to be able to flag-point, forgive and correct myself in relation to the experience of heaviness and the suppression of emotions and I allow myself to be clear and straight-forward with and towards myself.
This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: