Dag 724 – 12. Learning what consequence is

 

This blog is related to record 12: Learning what consequence is

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already had in mind somehow to do it all alone without firstly align and ground myself within a relationship where in we could both stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of already had in mind somewhere to do it all alone, this ‘plan of action’ was activated by some words of the male and so me using this words as some kind of ‘proof’ that this is what I have to do and can do, that this is somehow ‘okay’ to do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that this is actually me within my mind, manipulating words (of doubt) from another, towards using this for my self-interest within this ‘plan of action’ that I had hidden as a secret within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in a way, on the other by using his words as a reason and justification, as some sort of ‘sign’ that I now can start my ‘secret plan of action’ without considering the whole situation that I and the male are involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within myself within conflict because of taking action from a point of self-interest in a situation that was not grounded at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to an outcome as doing it all alone bacause not having a program ready of how to effectively build a relationship as how is best for both/best for all and from here, somehow thinking and believing that I will never able to do so and at the same time, knowing that it should be possible and that it is within my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now only see and learn what consequenses are for myself within relationships and how they end, however it took me many more years to really consider all and every aspect including the effect of my decisions on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here on think and believe that ‘I am responsible for myself and another is responsible for him/herself’ and so within this, not considering to take responsibility as well for others involved as much as it is within my awareness and when and as another is not yet be able to do so because of having les awareness in that moment, it is up to me to step in and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘it was his responsibility to step in with me’ which it is in the end, however missing out here on the consequense of my words and actions for another as well and not only for me.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of stepping forward and express what I see as consequence and responsibility within another’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it is also my responsibility to speak up, to step forward and support another to learn what consequence is, this within my ability and awareness in that certain moment.

I commit myself to bring my fear back to myself, to see and forgive what the fear as judgement is and from here, see how I can best step forward and speak or show some awareness in a way that another is able to understand.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought-pattern, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I create consequenses for myself within my physical body that are not needed or doing any good.

I commit myself to step by step, walk and forgive the layering of fear within me, to write it out, to name, understand and forgive myself until I am able to stand more clear and stable within myself with regards to relationships and patterns of fear of loss and standing alone.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to move forward within a certain point within a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have an effective program ready and so, I need to create a real and lasting solution from here on from within myself, which feel like ‘impossible’ because I have never done it before.

I commit myself to move myself into the unknown field, to step by step create a solution by using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, cross-referencing with others/support from others and considering the aspects that I can see within myself and so slowly, build the ground and stability within myself, within my life and within the relationship with another and with others in general.

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Previous blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

Next blog: to come

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Uil forgive

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