Application of self-forgiveness on the event I described in Dag 789.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction when and as I heard that they did not come for the floor that day, where I started to speak out within this reaction towards the one on the helpdesk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to accept that the floors were coming later and to insist that they would bring in another solution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed that the floors would come 3 weeks later because I sceduled everything on time and now it seemed as if my whole scedule did not make sense anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I now need to replace all and everything from 3 rooms again and to find it ‘unfair’ that I need to do this and arrange this when I did scedule everything perfectly and where the mistake was not on me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that the compensation for the discomfort that they created was very minimal and so basicely, I feel like their mistake is only giving me trouble.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have difficulties to see mistakes as a natural thing that may happen from time to time where people are working together.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expected that the floors would not give any trouble as this was one of the only two things that I let someone else do, so that I did not need to worry about it and now it turned out that I did need to ‘worry about it’ as they did not put in the floor on time which is giving a lot of discomfort and extra work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like the extra work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the extra work as if I will be ‘burried under the work’ and not get it done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel almost blanko after this happening and to not see it in perspective anymore, where actually all the other activities could just on how I planned it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feeling worse and more ‘out of line’ through my own reaction on the phone, when I heard that they did not come for the floors without informing me about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to force a solution coming out by speaking in reaction towards the helpdesk, believing that speaking in reaction will give the urge for them to do something about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not heared and understood in what the consequences are of them not coming and so, try to make this more clear by speaking in an emotional state so that they see that I am affected by it and so with this, expecting them to do something about it.
When and as I see myself going into a reaction on the phone with a helpdesk, feeling like ‘I have the right to do this because I am right about it as ‘it is ot my fault’, I stop and breathe.
I realise that it doesnot make anyone feel better and I also realise that I can be clear and direct in my expression, without being in reaction – actually even better of course because speaking in a reaction will only resonate the energy that I experience within me and so my words will probably not be heared. I realise that I make myself ineffective by speaking in a reaction, no matter how ‘unfair’ a situation is or may seem – the reaction will not bring in any solution.
I commit myself to stop, breathe, clear my voice and speak clear and direct towards (employers working at) a helpdesk and if and when needed, name and define to them what it does to me, what the consequences are of the miscalculations, however making sure that I do not go into a (hidden) blame that resonates within my voice and keep this for myself to stop and investigate.
When writing this (compressed) self-forgiveness I see that there are two main points that I need to introspect, forgive and mostly redefine more for myself to live it in a more effective way:
I realise that I react to extra work and lot’s of physical work in general and so I commit myself to investigate and write about it in blogs to come so that I can support myself in this without feeling overwhelmed by it.
I notice that I still don’t like the word/happening of a ‘mistake‘ and so I commit myself to introspect and redefine this word for the view and living of myself (and so the view of others as well in this) with the support of Eqafe interviews that are done about this subject.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: