Dag 794 – A moment of change

I am used to drink little to no alcohol. This has not always been the case. During my studying years, I did go out a lot and used more alcohol than was good for my body. So I mostly was drinking with others in the weekends or on free days, however I also remember having some wine in the house and then on Wednesday, started taking a glass in home when being alone and then used some up till the weekend again. I did not feel so well with this and also not with the effect of it and at some point, I decided to stop this because I noticed an addiction pattern in it that bothered me, no matter how small the amount was as for example ‘only one or a half glass of wine’.

Through the years, I brought down the intake up till the point of little to no drinking at all. I still liked the taste of a nice glass of wine but I have seen so much trouble around me and close to me through an abusive intake of alcohol, that I developed a bit of a dislike towards drinking alcohol in general.

I am now living alone again and I noticed that I sometimes felt the ‘need’ (behoefte-Dutchto drink a little wine when being at home and alone, for example ‘a glass of wine before/during cooking’. I tried this out a few times, looking at how to approach this and what the effect is on myself. I was looking at allowing myself to sometimes have a glass of wine during cooking, or deciding to not drink alone at all and keeping a glass of wine as a form of enjoyment when being with someone else – for example a friend or a family member. I still did like the first few sips very much:, the taste and the ‘warm’ effect in the body. But I also noticed the same ‘pattern’ as twenty years before coming up when drinking a glass of wine in the house: I was ‘looking forward to this’; I had an ‘open bottle’ in the house (even when I buy bottles of 250 cc I have this open till next time) that I then tend to take the next day ‘because it is open’; I did feel a bit ‘fuzzy’ after drinking it. Things like that.

After a few times, I decided to not buy this small bottle for myself to keep in the house. At one afternoon, I felt like ‘having a glass of wine’ and was looking if I should buy some or not and how to put this in place for myself. I actually and self-honestly, wanted to keep this drinking for some occasional enjoyment when for example being with a friend and/or having a nice diner, something like that, but I also liked the taste when having a little by myself. However I did not like ‘being busy’ with this in my head, every time that I start cooking for example. I did notice this ‘need’ keeping existing and coming up within me as to fulfill something within myself in these moments. And in that moment, that afternoon, I changed something.

I decided to not go for this ‘need’ and to stick with my initial approach (to occasional have a nice drink together to enjoy as a delicacy). There was this one moment where I needed to walk through an experience of ‘emotional loss’ – I cannot describe exactly what it was. But I noticed, because I had not allowed myself to build it up through time again, that it was only that one moment that I needed to stand with/as myself in this self-honest approach, before the energy decreased and I was through.

In this moment I did see clearly that a build up through time makes it difficult to keep standing when an energy is coming up and ‘trying to take over’ so to speak. This gives many layers and emotional/feeling connections that needs to be ‘disconnected’ and released, that makes it feeling like ‘undoable’ and immens. But in this moment, I saw what the direct way of ‘not accepting and allowing’ is giving me: a strength and deep satisfaction and after this, time and quietness to focus on other things. Because I did not accept and allow to let it become an issue and distraction again.

I was able to do this quickly because I had already walked this path extensively and going there again was not needed to piece myself together. However it now also gives myself a reference of the ‘reward’ so to speak (the peace, satisfaction, quietness and space) of directly/immediately standing with and as my self-honesty – although I may not see everything that is connected on forehand. Where I did see that I am used to check on forehand within myself, ‘if I am able to step out again if needed’. So this means in this example, that what I am used to do and look at within myself is the following way: “Can I have a drink now and then at home alone, although I see that this is not best for myself eventually and so I ‘know’ in a way that somehow/somewhere I need to (and will) stop this/step out of this again? And then I ‘check’ within myself if I see myself able to stop/step out of it in the the future”. If the answer is “yes, I can stop/step out of this in the future when and as needed”, then I decide many times to still ‘do it’ and actually ‘go get my bliss’. Until ‘I am done’ with it or until I cannot have it anymore, and then I stop. And then I need to walk through the build up layers again of emotional/feeling release. So I am actually used to walk through points the long way and more or less even believed that I ‘have to do it like this’ in many occasions.

This is not the most effective way and I can distract myself with this a whole life (and actually I have distracted myself with this many many years already). I now for the first time saw direct the effect of accumulation of energy and what it takes to walk through this and how I can instead, bring myself more and more to this direct/immediate point of standing and change in a moment. And this then can also start accumulating, in a beneficial way, for myself and life as a whole, into and towards my self-honest standing; moment by moment, breath by breath.

After this it did not come up again as a ‘need’ or desire’ to have a glass of wine in the house alone and this is a relief. A thought may come up now and then but not loaded with energy anymore and so not much of my attention is going to this point anymore. That was what I noticed in this one moment of change, that I stand and changed and released and I was through and it was done. Because I had not build up a lot of energetic attachments around it again/anymore. And when it comes up as a thought, I am satisfied with my decision/approach/stand and so I can ‘stand with/as myself’ in this.

As an addition, I decide to drink an occasional glass of wine with others, because this is what I can self-honestly stand with and enjoy as a delicacy; when I at the same time have already proven to myself as walked before, that I will let go and stop drinking any glass of wine if I see that this is better/best for me and/or others in my life in time to come or in a certain period of time.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 793 – Do you like to be criticized?

 

ways to react to criticism

I was looking into the experience that I ‘did not like’ to receive some criticism but at the same time having the thought/belief that ‘I should be okay with it’. This then leads to having to process the critic in itself – which is mostly something that will only support me to better myself in a constructive way – and at the same time, being busy with processing my own reaction to ‘being criticized’ which gives an extra layer and is not so constructive in the end. So I already can work with (constructive) criticism because I am able to see the common sense in it and self-honest enough to introspect, but I had not yet opened up the level of the experience of ‘being criticized’ in itself and what this does to me.

It took me a while to admit to myself that I simply did not like the experience of being criticized and that this is ‘okay’. I do not need to ‘like’ it or ‘being cool’ with it. This also brings me to much more understanding that ‘constructive criticism’ from my side can cause a reaction in another and so I need to give time to process this as well and also to be careful with what and how I bring in something with regards to the location-point of another (and myself as well). It is not possible to ‘avoid any reaction’, as I have seen that almost nobody likes to find out (in the moment) that one better could have done something different. Yes we can learn to approach criticism in a constructive way, however the moment we find out something that we did not see or admit before as something destructive, this moment in itself is not a nice experience and so we need to process this, especially if we had no clue of for example ‘doing something wrong’ but also simply because of finding out we made a mistake.

I do experience fear to bring in some constructive criticism in certain situations, when and as needed, because of fearing this reaction to criticism in the moment from another. I see now that part of this fear is my own belief of ‘I should be okay with criticism’ and so this functions as a judgement towards any reaction to criticism, from myself and from another, that exist as (part of) a ‘fear’ within me. So this is a layer I now can start standing equal to and one with, within myself and so towards and with another as well; to align to taking time for myself to process constructive criticism towards a needed correction within and as myself and I can use this to better align with what and how I bring in something as a potential correction as what I see that is best for all and to take equal responsibility in this.

Some self-forgiveness and self-corrections on my findings to support myself in this process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘not like being criticized’ and because I do not like the experience, to tend to catapult this back to the one who is bringing in the criticism in a form of (hidden) blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should ‘like being criticized’ or at least ‘being cool’ with it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need to like it or being cool with it to use it in a constructive way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait to like it or being cool with it before I really integrate the criticism, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is giving a delay in processing information, forgiveness and correction within and as myself because I then am ‘waiting’ for an experience of ‘like’ or ‘being cool’, when I actually can only integrate the criticism as an experience of satisfaction, once I have already forgiven and corrected myself in and as this physical reality within and as this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘not being liked’ anymore when and as I receive a point of criticism and so I already go into a ‘dislike’ of and as myself as a form of remorse to in this way, try to ‘still be liked’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need to show some remorse and because I resist to ‘show remorse’, I actually delay my own correction process; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the self-forgiveness and self-correction in itself is what is needed and of much more consistent and continues value within this physical reality than an experience of remorse, where an excuse can be made when and as needed, but this only does make sense within a starting-point of walking the self-forgiveness and self-correction as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own reaction to criticism, within myself and from another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am judging my own reaction to criticism from a point of belief that ‘I should like it’ or ‘be cool with it’ and so I expected this from another as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from another that what I belief I should be able to be myself, without introspection on what I belief and expect from myself in an unrealistic way and from here, build layer after layer of self-judgement in and as my mind and projected on this physical reality as well.

When and as I see myself reacting to a form of criticism, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I may not like it or may not being cool with and that is okay and I realize that I can take time to process and investigate the criticism and that I do not need to be clear with it in that one moment and I realize that I do not need to ‘like it or be cool with it’ to effectively investigate and process the criticism.

I realize that I then more am protecting an experience of ‘liking’ or ‘being cool with it’ which is creating conflict within me and distracting me as well from the point of criticism as well and so it is okay to ‘not be cool’ or ‘not like it’ in a moment.

I commit myself to practice to unconditionally embrace my own reaction to criticism, to take time to process this and to bring it into myself for introspection – my possible reaction and the criticism in itself – and to from here, see what I can forgive and correct within myself in relation to my possible reaction and in relation to the point of criticism; to see where and what is ‘on me’ to forgive and correct and to also see where it may not be (totally) aligned and perhaps coming from a projection or (hidden) reaction from another towards me.

When and as I experience a fear to bring in a potential possibility of correction in a situation/towards another that I see as what is best for all/all involved, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I may fear a reaction because I judge how someone respond to criticism as how I judge myself in how I react to criticism or, how I react to a possible reaction to criticism of another towards me, as this can be spiteful as well as a form of identified mind-protection as if ‘this is who I am’ or coming from a self-belief as how I for example believed that ‘I should like – or be cool with criticism’.

I commit myself to take time to be careful with what I bring in and to align with myself in clarity of what I bring in and how, as a clear reference-point for myself if and when another may react but, to prevent myself from ‘walking on egg-shells’, to if and when I am misaligned, use this as an opportunity to forgive and correct myself as preparation for another moment.

I commit myself to give myself space to embrace my dislikes (and likes as well) and to introspect what self-believes there are behind it that makes it more difficult for myself to effectively process ‘criticism’ in the world as a whole.

rain


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive