Dag 820 – Redefining the word ‘strong’

At the moment I am writing and preparing in different places, also in Dutch and so my ‘process blog-writing’ here goes slow. This does not mean that I ‘stopped’ the process-writing or process in general or that I am struggling with something; it merely means that I want to do many things – practical and on the internet besides work as well – and that I am dividing my time between it all. Also,when I do not write a blog, I still walk my process every day as ‘process’ for me has become a part of my daily life.

This having said, I would like to write a bit about the word ‘strong’ or strength!

Bernard, as well as the dimensions through the portal, mentioned that ‘I am a strong woman’ (‘you need to accept this’ said B). I did see the ‘truth’ in this, I ‘feel’ and notice this inside myself, however at the same time I could not find a suitable definition for it and this then made me being hold up with the ‘old’ definition of ‘strong’ as if I am or should be strong, like ‘not being weak’ and ‘having a ‘strong body’ or ‘standing strong within a point’ and things like that and at the same time, not wanting to make an ‘ego-point’ out of it.

I do have a little issue with muscle strength. I see this related to how my mind is set up within my physical body – I have written a blog about this – and so I see my muscle strength as a bit less than average – besides this I see it also related to my posture. (note I do function well and am able to put in a lot physical effort, however within training etc I see how I take on less weight than could be ‘expected’ with my age and condition). Recently, I did see it coming up as an emotional point, where with a specific muscle-testing, one asked me ‘to hold as strong as possible’ and this was not really a lot lol, meaning that the one testing could easily pull through my hold. I then suppressed the emotion – I did not want to show I was touched by it and I also did not see it as ‘so important’, with the result that I did become ‘untestable’ lol and I firstly needed to express the emotion. I also saw myself lately – last few months – giving a lot of effort to strengthen my muscles in the gym. I did feel some result, however little and slow. I see more dimensions related to this, however I do keep it to the definition of the word strong for this blog.

Last friday we had a chat on destonians.com with Garbriëlle looking into redefining some words. Here she came forward with a definition of ‘Strong’ meaning: ‘I can trust my self-honesty’.

I found this such striking redefinition that really resonates with me and then looking back, I can relate it to what Bernard probably did see 7 years ago with saying ‘you are a strong woman’- meaning ‘you can trust your self-honesty‘ – especially because he also mentioned that ‘I see what is real’ as my strength. (Many times, only years later his words do fall into place; actually when I am ready to understand and integrate it within myself).

This gives me a definition to move on with: Strong as ‘I can trust my self-honesty’. As this is also something that I was looking at lately, how I ‘know’ in a way when I do see something REAL although I may not yet being able to express myself according to what I see or although some reactions may come up. So that is then the next step: how to express myself according to my self-honesty, to what I see, within my strength as trusting my self-honesty.

It is also a definition that works in any given moment. No matter how ‘weak’ I physically may feel in a moment, no matter what my condition is (which is fine overall, I just point out all possible situations) – I can trust my self-honesty and so ‘be strong’. I like that, it is awesome. I can stand with it in any time and given situation and at the same time I can not make an ego-point of it because I will notice this not being self-honest and so I cannot trust it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my muscle strength defines my inner strength, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘strong’ means that I can trust my self-honesty and that this then may reflect in my physical appearance as in my stand and muscle-tone, aligned with the individual potential of my physical condition and constitution as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move in polarity from strong to weak to strong to weak etc, instead of standing strong within the core of my being in every moment and any given situation, within the ability of trusting my self-honesty and within the ability of expressing myself accordingly.

Remembering a song shared on facebook last week (by Ida via Leila): Soft to be strong – a lot going on around the word Strong!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be strong within and as my physical body without trusting myself, in and as my self-honesty, in every moment and given situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question and doubt myself in my self-honesty and / or to not live up to my self-honesty through distractions within desire and fear, through emotional turmoil and so weakening myself instead of making myself stronger within trusting my self-honesty and (practise) expressing myself accordingly in and as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I feel ‘weak’ in some way, to stop, breathe and see within myself where I am not trusting my self-honesty, to embrace and forgive myself within the related fear as self-dishonesty that I see, within and as softness yet firmness and from here, practise to express myself, aligned with my self-honesty in that moment and given situation – may it be sounding a self-forgiveness, may it be words into the world, may it be silence for that moment.

To be continued and walked in the physical. Thanks!


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 820 – Rushing while eating: self-forgiveness towards self-care

For a long time I notice that I am very much rushed before and when / while I am eating. As if I need to catch a train, as if someone is going to take my food away – that kind of rushing. When I am at work in a store, it is a direct related experience towards the fact that in any moment I can be disturbed when someone is coming in or when more are coming, right before or during lunch. However then when I look at this moments and using it in my DIP Pro lessons to forgive and change myself within, I notice that it is not only then. I am overall having the tendency to rush while eating.

So I slowed down during lunch and looked some deeper inside myself while eating. I did make a start with it, let’s see where it may lead:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush before and during lunch / eating, to become very hasty, to not really take time to chew and enjoy my food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel alone’ during eating and to not want to feel this experience and so, I rush through my food as a distraction from emotions inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable during eating, as if ‘too vulnerable’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to take in as much as I can and as fast as I can, to ‘get it over with’ without exactly knowing where this is coming from and without questioning my behaviour into deeper dimensions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad during eating and so I rush through my food, to not experience the sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to open up about this subject and so I now give myself permission to open it up, inside myself and for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a repercusion if I open up this hasty experience inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want anyone to see me in this experience and so I rush and behave supervicious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself in this experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about loneliness while one is eating alone and so I picture myself as lonely when eating alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be with myself, my body and the food I take in while and during eating a meal but instead, hide in separation in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually want to support myself in this separation within and as my mind, out of an experience of ‘being abandoned’ – so abandoning my beingness – and from here, not willing to really embrace myself and be with myself and my body alone – as in Al(l)-One – where another self-honest step with regards to relationships was needed (which is a subject for another blog) to step forward within myself, out of my mind, into my awareness and so bringing myself, my beingness Here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really taste and feel the structure of the food in my mouth but rush through the food in my mouth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself a sufficient food intake in the past when I actually loved to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for years and years, eat the minimum to stay alive and function within the system and so actually slowly diminish myself as the life within me.

There is one memory from where I was much younger, under 10 years, where I asked my mother for a plate with cooked oatmeal and while eating, I did not like it that much and it was way too many, however I was scared to say so because I asked specifically for this plate, up to the point where I was trying to eat with tears in my eyes and my mom asked me what is going on. I told so, nothing unpleasant happened after telling, nor did I need to finish it, however I felt so miserable and sad in the moments before, with this big full plate in front of me and not knowing how to get it in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so sad and lonely with this full plate in front of me and not having appetite to finish it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to say that I cannot finish it because I firstly asked for the plate myself.

Perhaps I asked for it because my father was always eating it as a breakfast and we ate with my mother and brother that saturday evening (I guess my father was at sports as he did on saturdays), I see us sitting, me on the ground at a low table, where on saturdays we ate ‘simple’ like bread and soup and in the frontroom, not at the dining table.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to probably asked for the food because my father always eats it at breakfast and however I did like the taste of a spoon, it appeared that I did not like a full plate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not having provided that a full plate is way too much to eat and that my motivation to eat it may be of a different kind, to somehow be closer to my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the missing of my father within me and trying to ‘solve’ this with eating the food he eats for breakfast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, for my clumsy and helpless solutions with regards to emotions within me and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time when I eat, experience a loneliness within me, as if I am reliving a memory over and over again, denying emotions within me, up to the point of denying myself a sufficient amount of food in the past and now up to the point of rushing myself through my meals that I am actually grateful for to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to live and express my gratefulness, my gratefulness towards the life that I live – in a world that is upside down but located in a position that not many do have in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad, to ‘be unable’ to live and express the care that I deeply feel within myself, the care for life and my awareness of the state of the world and us all in it and from here,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for and when not being recognized for the deep care I carry within me, although I may express myself roughly or unclear or only halfway or not at all – the care is here, I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe – as is visible in my own words – that I ‘be unable’ to live and express myself which is actually not true, I may feel / experience myself as unable but certainly not be unable to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when someone walks away, that ‘I don’t care‘ but I do care! I care and if and when someone walks away it does not mean that I don’t care.

I commit myself to embrace myself and to recognize myself for the care that I carry within me, although I may not yet express myself in alignment in all aspects in and as life, however I do know what I stand for and who I am within and so I commit myself to practise and expand in my self-expression in small moments in alignment with the care existing within and as me, to birth myself into life in and as the physical.

When and as I see / experience myself rushing through my food, I stop and breathe for a moment. I realize that there is no need to rush and if there is a physical need to rush, to see what I can practically do to eat slower and when there is no physical hurry-situation going on, I realize that there should be an experience within myself that I separate myself from or even just from a habit developed over time and so from here, I commit myself to slow down, to look inside myself and define and embrace myself in an experience that I exist within, to apply a self-forgiveness on it, to breathe out, let go and start or continue eating.

I commit myself to see what supportive living word is coming up within me after the application of self-forgiveness that I can embody during eating, in and as (cr)eating-process.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 819 – Self-forgiveness on ‘being Dutch’

When I was at the Desteni farm eight years ago, Bernard mentioned shortly that I should look at ‘being Dutch’. I recognized something within this but I have not yet actively opened it up with a writing of self-forgiveness on it.

There are things that ‘I like’ about ‘being Dutch’ and things that I ‘don’t like’. I also noticed that I have had a tendency to feel attracted to guys from another country for quite a long period.

A few self-forgiveness to open up this topic for myself from where I can walk it further in my daily life – after opening up within a blog, mostly more opens up within myself to move on with:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel attracted’ to guys from another country above ‘Dutch’ guys, in a way to avoid a daily grind coming in that I define as a ‘Dutch’ grind with working from nine till five and weekends free, same routine every week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like other cultures and to like the influence of just another cultural input to ‘break the daily grind’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I then put away my responsibility of bringing in myself as a self-expression, where there may be still a routine but not experienced as ‘daily grind’; so more aligned and unique in every moment, every day, not so much to ‘be different’ but more here as self-expression as a new moment each moment, as how animals express themselves every day when I come home, which I do enjoy deeply and so it is not what is bothering me that things are kind of ‘the same’ every day but more that the systematization is taking over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind taking over my self-expression within a routine and then start reacting to this systematization within myself, projected and / or seeing reflected in another, where I then want to get away from as I experience it as ‘too much systematization’ that is suppressing the life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that with a foureign guy, the systematization will not take over without seeing, realizing and understanding that different systematizations are taking place, including difficulties in communication with regards to language and culture differences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘being Dutch’ as ‘being civil’ and so I do not want to be Dutch or projected, thinking that I do not want to be with a Dutch guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself, my opportunities with a connected definition to ‘being Dutch’, without really taking responsibility for my own ‘laying back’ in directing myself effectively every day, within the system but not of the system, with a mind consciousness system existing within me but not being enslaved to it through my own likes and dislikes, fears and comfortzones as a reaction towards systems within and without.

I commit myself to push myself to from moment to moment, to stand up, step forwards and investigate a like or dislike coming up in relation to ‘being Dutch’ or ‘being with a Dutch guy’, to forgive myself for connections being made in word definitions related to ‘being Dutch’, to enable myself to live myself in the moment without labeling myself or another through culture and language and instead, to see beyond and into the potential in every moment, in and as our beingness, in and as life.

I commit myself to, when and as I see an experience of a daily grind coming up, to stop, breathe and look inside myself in what state of mind I find myself in that moment, to on the in-breath, embrace and forgive myself within the specific experience, to ask myself for a word to live, as a support to move myself out of this state, on the out-breath so to speak – holding my cats as an example of whom I never get bored of their expression when I am coming home, day after day.

I commit myself to focus on sound and sounding self-forgiveness, to further investigate the difference between the sound and energy of words, to forgive the connected energy related to words that I do see coming up and to practice sounding self-forgiveness, to eventually find the sound within and as me, expressing myself equal and one, in and as life.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 814 – Discovering self-will

I was looking at a point within me that I reacted within and at how to direct myself in it; or actually I was feeling quite desperate in how to direct myself in it. So I was in some kind of turmoil with back-chat coming up, me observing the inner movements for a moment.

At some point I asked myself the question: “Who do I want to be? (in it all)”.

This calmed me down and a clear answer came up within me of who I want to be within this specific point, as well inside myself as living it in my outside world. What I did see is that I never really asked myself the question in this way. It was mostly coming up as ‘what is best to do’ or ‘what should I do’ and I did see within this a ‘must’ or ‘should’ existing without considering my own self-will. Who do I want to be?

I was reading a blog afterwards from Carlton; he has these flowing blogs full of common sense, it reminds me of a very well speaking priest but then with words taken back to self – anyway, one sentence I laid my eye on: (…) if self-will is lost so is our will to live (because we’ve become so depressed about the way we feel) (…).

That did make sense to me and I see this as the missing within myself, my self-will being lost; actually if I am looking in my own writing here above, describing how this ‘who do I want to be’ first time coming up within me within awareness – actually never considering my self-will but considering so much other factors as the leading example of who I should be, what I must do, what is best etc. Here I did see my ‘will to live’ being lost – not giving into this and keeping on searching for ‘that more’, which eventually lead me to Desteni – however I did not yet before connect this to the lost of self-will.

Here to take into consideration that with self-will, I really mean SELF-will and not a mind-desire that I have channeled myself into as the leading factor. This immediately shows actually why and how it is that I lost my self-will, I lost myself within somewhere, somehow and channeled myself into many dimensions in/as my own mind consciousness system. It takes time to unravel all of it and discover my Self and Self-will.

With ‘I don’t want that’ I certainly do not mean the same as ‘I don’t feel like it’ – where the last is often used as an excuse to not do something that we experience resistance towards. As long as there are emotions and/or feelings involved and resistance is experienced, it is actually ‘the place where we must be’ and will ourselves towards the self-willed movement.

You will will yourself” is one of Bernards quote’s I remember clearly. As moving into and as what is best for all will not come ‘naturally’ and so I need to will myself first and foremost to this point of self-will. Where the self and the will comes together with all the ‘selves’ in a way, as the life existing within each and every living being. If I do what is best for mySelf as Life, I do what is best for All Life. It’s One and Equal. That’s how I see it. I knew this in theory from the beginning of walking Desteni I Process, however being able to see it within and as myself takes time. I keep repeating this with every self-integration of a living principle that I write about, as I find this a very important difference. I start with something, somewhere that makes sense to me (often gathering the knowledge and information) and then I investigate it until I can see, word and live it one and equal, within and without. or even vice versa like I sense something within me that I can not yet explain and then with gathering the knowledge and information I can integrate it as some effective self-support. With Many phases here within.

These are only a few examples of the layers that I find within the words will, want and self-will. It is actually the same as with the layering of self-forgiveness that I do see deepening in understanding through time. I started with (8 years ago) really unraveling the format ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to’ where I was looking at ‘who is forgiving who?’ and investigating this until I did become more familiair with it. However also this morning a deeper dimension opened up – after opening up the self-will – of the application of self-forgiveness. Every time a little bit closer to self and self-understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my self-will in what I want and how can I consider another if I not even consider myself truly and deeply?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to look at the dark dimensions within me and so not coming to a real deep self-forgiveness and so not coming to self and self-will in who I really want to be within it all, considering it all within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself away from new perspectives and real consideration in and as self-will, by suppressing the dark side of the the moon so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that without the dark side of the moon, there is no full moon possible either as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to consider what another want without considering what I want in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from ‘I should and I must’ instead of from ‘I will’ – here not to mean that I have something against the words ‘must and should’ as many thing do need to happen, if we want it or not, however I tend to use ‘I should and must’ as a replacement of ‘I will’ and so I never reach my self-will as long as I should and must from myself, where at the same time I become very exhausted from the force in should and must.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very exhausted from what I must and should, without reaching my will in and as self, where in I do sense myself and my will, however I keep circling around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to circle around my self-will by avoiding the deep dark nasty things, not wanting to admit this to myself, thinking and believing that, feeling like ‘I do not have a right to exist anymore if I admit this to myself’ when actually it is the opposite and as long as I do not admit the dark within and as myself in it’s existence, this ‘I do not have a right to exist’ is what keeps moving me on deeper levels and so, I keep forcing myself in ‘I should and I must’ because I already ‘do not have a right to exist’ and so, I most ‘prove’ in a way that I am ‘exist-worth’.

I commit myself to consider, embrace, open up and self-forgive the dark side within and as myself, to while ongoing and eventually coming, to a point of self-attention, self-compassion and self-warmth, in who I am and where I am in my process and location-point in and towards self-responsibility, where from here, I will be much more willing and able to share this as myself with another and approaching another within and as the self as who they are and where they are in their process and location-point, considering me and them and us as a whole, in kindness and softness, yet firm and clear in what I accept and allow (Dutch) and what not, as who I want to be and become in every moment of breath.

Here my own self-commitment affects me, ‘using the words to work for me’ in what is possible – as another supportive suggestion from Bernard about how to write the self-commitments: let the words work for you.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 813 – Het fysieke, tastbare van de natuurgeneeskunde

Natuurgeneeskunde staat dicht bij de natuur, dicht bij het lichaam. Het is bijna 20 jaar geleden dat ik de studie natuurgeneeskunde afrondde en het vak op zichzelf – ‘natuurgeneeskunde’ – als vak binnen de overkoepelende noemer van ‘natuurgeneeskunde’ als gehele opleiding en benadering van het helen van het lichaam – vond ik fascinerend en tegelijkertijd kon ik het niet helemaal vatten. Ik zag de wetten, de waarheid maar kon het niet werkelijk eigen maken.

Nu 20 jaar later begin ik het tastbare van natuurgeneeskunde als vak op zich en het fysieke in de brede zin van het woord van de natuurgeneeskunde als geheel, langzaam eigen te maken. Het vak houdt onder meer de praktische toepassingen in zoals massage, koppen zetten, vasten, hydrotherapie, pakkingen, de leverreinigingskuur, klisma’s en ja, de braakkuur hebben we ook onderwezen gekregen en gepraktiseerd tijdens de vastenkuur. Al dat soort werkelijk lichamelijke toepassingen, enigszins ‘spartaans’ en dus niet zo snel geliefd bij het grote publiek – en zelfs niet bij het kleine publiek van enthousiaste studenten op de opleiding natuurgeneeskunde lol. Toch was het de richting die ik koos, samen met de hoofdvakken fytotherapie, voeding en iriscopie. (De twee andere te kiezen richtingen waren homeopathie en TCM/acupunctuur).

De basistheorie van natuurgeneeskunde en de fysieke wetten, is fascinerend en zo vol gezond verstand. Het werkt onder andere met het Reckeweg systeem waarin een klacht, zo niet op de juiste manier geheeld, onderduikt of onderdrukt wordt in het lichaam naar een diepere laag/fase. Zo zijn er drie oppervlakkige fasen die in de ‘vloeistoffen’ plaatsvindt en welke het meest eenvoudig zijn op te pakken en drie diepere fasen waarin het zich nestelt op cel niveau – en dus lastiger om waar te nemen en naar de oppervlakte te halen; denk bijvoorbeeld aan kanker, dit ontstaat niet over één nacht ijs. De natuurgeneeskunde als geheel, ondersteunt het lichaam om dit proces van binnen naar buiten als heling, zelf te kunnen uitvoeren. Alle middelen en aanpakken zijn er om hierin te ondersteunen; ieder op een verschillende wijze.

Het lijkt me dat dit eigenlijk logisch klinkt voor een ieder en dat het tevens klinkt als een enige, werkelijke en langdurige manier van heling/ondersteuning. Zo vol gezond verstand en praktische aanpak. Zo vol van begrip van en respect voor het lichaam als geheel en voor het aanwezige leven als geheel; zo Integer (hierin gelijk een beknopte herdefinitie van ‘integriteit’). Dit is de basis in mijn zienswijze die ik heb mogen ontvangen binnen een zesjarige studie, iets wat vrij onconventioneel is om dit binnen een opleidingssysteem in deze tijd te doorlopen. Ik zal er ongetwijfeld nog meer over uitweiden want het heeft mijn fascinatie en aandacht sindsdien, van binnen en van buiten.

Terug naar het tastbare en fysieke effect van de ietwat spartaanse / oncomfortabele aanpak van natuurgeneeskunde ansich en het aspect dat ik wil uitlichten. Het was tijdens een recente lever-galreiniging dat ik doorkreeg – 20 jaar na afstuderen! – hoezeer het aansluit op het tempo en de wetten van het fysieke leven en wat tevens de grote weerstand en kleine populariteit duidelijker maakt. Het vraagt namelijk Heel Veel Input van onszelf en vaak wat ongemakkelijke lichamelijke situaties om door te bewegen, zoals het klisma inbrengen, het turen in je ontlasting naar groene brokjes, het drinken van een kopje olijfolie, het vasten voor een halve dag en de vreselijke smaak van bitterzout met diarree tot gevolg. Wat ik hierin naar voren zag komen, is dat de toepassing van de natuurgeneeskunde heel duidelijk weergeeft waar het om gaat in het fysieke leven en waar onze focus nodig is en dat het niet ‘snel’ gaat. Echter het is zeer effectief! Indien grondig en op maat toegepast.

Hierbij een sitenoot dat de natuurgeneeskunde altijd individueel onderzoekt of een bepaalde aanpak passend en ondersteunend is voor een specifiek lichaam en wezen – niet iedere aanpak past bij ieder mens en indien niet goed afgestemd, kan het afdoen aan het welzijn en de fysieke gesteldheid, in plaats van dat het ondersteunt en heling bewerkstelligt.

Dit tastbare, de traagheid, de ongemakkelijke toepassingen, de fysieke handelingen, ik merk dat het mijn lichaam en mijzelf hierin, goed doet; het vertraagt me en maakt me kalmer en brengt rust in mijn lichaam. Het zet de dingen ‘op z’n plek’ als hoe een lichaam hoort te functioneren. Niet in één keer maar stap voor stap en binnen de fysieke mogelijkheden. Het werkt namelijk volgens de fysieke wetten en kent dus geen ‘wonderen’. Het is hard werken zogezegd. Tegelijkertijd brengt het mezelf in contact met mijn lichaam, met hoe mijn organen functioneren en zo vergroot het de intimiteit met mijn eigen lichaam en hierin is de oncomfortabele aanpak dus eigenlijk heel omvattend en zorgzaam. Niets is wat het lijkt.

Dit fysieke en tastbare dient zijn plaats in te nemen binnen het leven hier op aarde – het omvat en behoudt het leven als het ware. Zonder dit lichamelijke aspect, zou leven op aarde niet mogelijk zijn. Hoe we dan met zoveel weerstand hierin bestaan, dat zou op z’n minst vragen moeten oproepen binnen ieder van ons. Voor een opening in en begrip ten aanzien van deze weerstand binnenin onszelf raad ik Desteni I Process aan of de Eqafe-store. Dit is voor mij waar alles samenkomt en waardoor ik het fysieke, het tastbare van de natuurgeneeskunde op een dieper niveau kan gaan begrijpen en integreren. De natuurgeneeskunde zoals het van oudsher is doorgekomen bevat namelijk niet alle aspecten en antwoorden ten aanzien van de integratie van geest/mind, lichaam en wezenlijkheid en hoe we hier zo gekomen zijn met z’n allen. Echter vrijwel alles uit de natuurgeneeskunde is bruikbaar, ter ondersteuning van leven als geheel, aangezien het samenwerkt met de fysieke wetten.


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Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 811 – How is blame a form of self-manipulation?

Within a conversation and after a group-chat, I did become aware that I do not see how and that blame is a form of self-manipulation. I mean, I do understand forms of self-manipulation within and as myself and in theory, I understand that behind everything that we do that is not aligned with what is best, there is actually self-manipulation active, because if we would directly speak and live as what is best for all – so including ourselves – there is no manipulation of self and / as others existing or needed; we are then here, stable, in and as life.

But, to understand something in detail and within and as myself; this is a different story than seeing the truth as common sense in a theory or knowledge and information only. So, here I would like to have a deeper look at how blame, exist as self-manipulation as well. Because if I do not realize, see and understand this within and as myself, I will react in subtle ways to ‘blame’ and misunderstand it (and so I fear / judge it) as something that is ‘done towards another’ or ‘done towards me’ as a starting-point, when the starting-point in and as self-manipulation is bringing the blame back to self. Where I then can do something about it.

Let’s start with some self-forgiveness and see what opens up:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that blame directed towards me, is really connected to me, when actually it has nothing to do with me – other than what my reaction is towards the situation and projection in and as blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when someone is blaming me for something, even when I cannot find myself anything doing ‘wrong’ but a small mistake that is behind it and within feeling guilty, I am making myself part of the dance of ‘being blamed’ and so ‘being hold responsible for’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and / as others for small mistakes and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of moving myself into some form of (self-)support, I follow the blame and circle myself back into and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself responsible for what another is blaming me for and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold another responsible for what I am blaming (hidden or not) another for and so I am still placing myself in a interconnected position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be perfect so that another cannot blame me for anything and so that I do not need to blame myself for anything related to this and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be perfect so that I cannot be hold responsible for anything outside myself.

Here to mention that this is about perfection as trying to meet other’s standards, outside myself, which is not the same as walking in and towards self-perfection, where in I commit myself to be and become the best version of myself in and as self-honesty and current location-point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be misunderstood and so, to be ‘unforgiven’ and so ‘blamed’ for, where in I then in and as this fear, I am keeping myself in this entanglement, finding myself ‘trying to explain myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it almost impossible to make a move that may be misunderstood and so, I do a. not move or b. stay low / keep quiet or c. move in silence / invisible or d. over-explain myself and then if and when not understood, I tend to Not make the move and instead, move into and as my mind and start doubting myself, waiting for approval from the outside as a ‘green light’ to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to ‘missing information’ and becoming fanatic and pushing within what I do see, when actually I only would like to receive and understand the missing piece so that I can be clear and stable in what I do see, as a part and as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘blame the blame and / or blamer’ in subtle ways and within this, keep cycling in the point of blame within and as myself in doing exactly that what I blame and so locking myself in.

Then, what also opened up, is a message and video of Gian, referring to 2020 as the point of No return, meaning, the equal money or global basic income should be opening up to be placed in as a point of no return, in whether we are going to make it or not as humanity on this earth.

(message Gian: “I made this video 8 years ago, and it stated the year 2020 for a reason. There was discussions about EMS being implimented by then and if not we will be too late as humanity on this earth to change anything in the realms of how much consequences we will face on this earth, I made the video under the instruction of Bernard. What was also clear was that it might not be Equal Money System as we promote it but through someone else in a little different way, like UBI and Andrew Yang and what he is promoting. We now have the Amazon Rainforests burning at alarming rates and a sign of humanity not changing course at all, 2020 was assessed back then as being the point of no return if we do not turn in a way that if forward for life on this planet by 2020.”)

Well, this seems like a whole other point, however for me it touched to ‘zero point’ within myself, in the sense that I see, realize and understand the state of the world and humanity without making it anymore beautiful and I would like to make peace with this view. Not to ‘give up’ but to embrace it all, inside and outside, as it shows the deepest saddest thing as how far away we are all from ourselves in and as life, inside and outside and an important aspect of this is the ‘blame-game’, where almost everyone is pointing fingers in some way, mostly because the mechanisms in and as the mind, are not understood for what it is and so as how it exists within myself: blame is not seen as a form of self-manipulation and so not seen as something that is harming / manipulating self first and foremost – same inside same outside.

I do feel a bit nervous when writing this down, as in ‘am I allowed to name it as this as how it is?’. Which shows a form of self-manipulation as well. To shut myself down. To ‘fear’ myself away actually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself away for the truth deeply within and without and so hiding until the point of no return.

Somehow we do believe that there is ‘always a way’ and that there is no such thing as ‘no return’. Here I have lived this in my personal life, in and as a misconception of love, where I / we did past the point of no return and no matter how I keep searching within myself, I do not see a way to ‘return to’ with one another and if and when there is a way, it would be complete self-responsibility in and as oneself as ‘the only way’. And even here it would not mean ‘a return’ to how it was but actually a return back to self.

So here, the solution that I do have an influence on at small scale, so within my reach, is to keep pushing myself to the point of self-responsibility for all that exists within me and if every one is eventually doing this – one plus one plus one – we exist in and as self-responsibility as a whole, in and as life, with no one left behind. And, to make this possible for everyone, we do need such thing as an UBI as some form of an equal money system, to give every one an equal opportunity to walk out of the survival mode, into and as life, in and as self-responsibility.

It also makes sense to me to what Cerise did point out within a picture of my face, looking at my facial expression (as some kind of supportive group-action-point that week), where she mentioned something as ‘not yet ready to embrace humanity as a whole’ which I do see related to this misunderstanding of blame as self-manipulation, within and without, as in still ‘blaming humanity’ in a way. Which of course I did understand in and as common sense as that I project something from myself ‘on humanity’; as if I am not part of it and I did ‘feel it showing in my face’ as well, so I found it quite striking and very observant from her, however as I mentioned, it only makes sense when seeing, realizing and understanding it inside and as myself in a way that I can open it up, embrace, forgive and change.

So far for today and I will see how this topic opens up more in time to come, into and as self-understanding.

In Memory of the animals that died in the recent fires but no one cares 💔

roces van zelfverandering:
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Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 809 – The point of control

Continuing with self-forgiveness on Dag 808 – Zero point

For who is not familiair with the application of self-forgiveness: the self-forgiveness may sound ‘heavy’ and dark and what more, however with putting all the heavy, dark secret / hidden patterns in self-forgiveness I am actually deleting the heavyness and secretness and so, creating space to something new and aligned to life. So this ‘heavyness’ is not ‘who I am’ but actually, in this way I am making space to birth myself into life . Breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so disappointed about the endings, the non-continuations, the start-overs with regards to partner relationships, where in friendships I am very stable and consistent and hardly anxious about an ending, as I do not see this ‘ending’ and when they do, it does not so much trigger emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have difficulties to find what to bring in self-forgiveness here and rather give in the urge to take some rest and lay down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it ridiculous to actively create an opportunity for a sharing-ship and rather ‘let it happen’ when it is here and otherwise let it be, when what is remarkable, that when I for example want to expand in my job-area, I do actively plan courses, lessons, input etc – hmmm what I see now is that here I also not do this and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to actively open myself up and make myself visible to the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to stand for what I would like to create and stick my head out of the corn field.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if it is needed to actively make myself visible or that I can just make myself ready on an inner level and when an opportunity may open up, I then am able to respond and investigate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a self-sabotaging pattern as an excuse to not actively make myself visible and keep myself in the passively position of inner preparation, which in itself is not a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only bring in what is absolutely needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to amputate, to withdraw myself from life in a certain area and within doing so, amputating myself from life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to amputate myself from life (and) to not feel anything anymore for real.

Opening up another dimension a few days later:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like breaking into 1000 pieces by facing the one thing that I had not implied and that determined my past relationship and basicely all past relationships, as in that I go into ‘managing’ the relationship in which I make it invisible in what another is bringing in, in what I really want as potential to create and what is realistic and possible within it all as a sharing-ship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take this one point serious and use it as a point of control, to not face essential moments of letting go and experiences of loss and so, blow it up and out of perspective, which makes it bigger and bigger and more and more difficult to let go, because already so much ‘energy’ is invested and physical labour as well and connections on all levels are made (mind-being-body) which makes it emotional much more challenging and painful to face the missing piece / point and let go eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to create a huge experience of loss for myself in order to face this way of control within me that already from the beginning, sabotages a (potential) relationship.

Two weeks of time has been passed between these two blogs; where in I along the way, let it become ready within myself to open up and bring about a point that I find essential for myself to integrate and actively letting go as a point of control. Actively meaning that I need to be and become aware of myself going into this control and then actively change myself in the moment, as it will not ‘change by itself’ after the realization of it only.

I did read many modern relationship advises and advertisements of courses about relationships, as in for example ‘being a modern siren’ and what this entails. This brought me to finding – or more finally admitting – the mistake within myself with regards to my approach of a (potential) relationship / sharing ship. To not make all these modern advertisements and courses an absolute truth and spend a lot of money on it – as I already am walking the Desteni I Process for my process of self-realization and birthing myself as life from the physical and honestly I do not see a more complete approach of everything that is here than what Desteni is providing and including all dimensions – but to integrate that what is pointed out in life of today, that calls my attention, so to use what is here within my own process as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see something is not totally aligned within me and my approach, yet time after time, ignoring it in a way and calling it ‘innosence’ as if it can not do any harm, as if it’s too small, as if it’s okay and many other justifications within myself, where in the end, the seemingly small becomes extremely big and controling myself and my life as a whole if I do not step in and stop myself actively and changing direction; stepping into self-direction.

As how Bernard used to say ‘let someone go after their bliss’ and eventually it will blow up in our face as it did within myself.

I also see clearly how I / we cannot force another to see or admit something inside self, as I do not see how much a point is integrated and as I experience within myself, is that I needed a year to unravel this before I could clearly see and admit a mistake as a point of control (and the whole process took 7-9 years of actively walking to where I am now). As it is so integrated within my physical body that it needs time to des-integrate, otherwise I would physically collapse. And so this works for everyone in this way.

Then, a few days later again, what I see within myself is that when eventually, the ‘big’ is walked through and brought back to the one small point, it is actually a point and not more or less, to investigate, self-forgive and correct myself in. Where it looks like ‘what was all the fuzz about’; why is it so difficult to let something go that I really wanted and preferred to be different than what it is? Where this is easy to way when looking back and also easy to say from a point of knowledge. However walking through all dimensions, it takes time. Because it feels like ‘dying’ which actually is happening (and needs to happen) on a mind-level and because I made this my reality, a lot of fear is included. And we know what the biggest control is: fear.

And, the ‘fuzz’ is about how I separated myself from a point in and as myself that in essence, I did not effectively bring into self-expression and so it did start leading ‘a life of it’s own’.

To be continued


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 808 – Zero point

Back to writing! It is a month ago since my last blog which is not as long as it seems. I really start missing this moment with myself in the writing of a blog and sharing it with you who is reading. I find it different and more effective in the sense of grounding the self-commitment, than the introspection writings throughout the day on paper. As in ‘two or more in my name’; there is a witness to the life-commitment. Within the blog-writing I am satisfied with and as myself to express myself in what I stand for and as. This all because of me being part of a group of ‘journey to life – walkers’ 🙂 (which we actually are all as humanity) however here specificly with the application of the writing-tools find in Desteni I Process Lite as a free online-course. For all who are considering and / or hesitating to start a blog as a 7 years journey to life after doing this course; I can really recommend to start the writing.

I will continue on the subject of disappointment as I am not yet finished with this emotion. I find it very deep ingrained within me on many levels but all related to a particular area.

When looking back at my path with regards to relationships, the overall experience is….such a disappointment. Not about who I have met and walked with, but more in relation to the results, the endings, the non-continuation and so many start-overs.

I feel like I am at zero point within it all. Like nothing did make any sense of what I have walked in it, as it all lead to a death end, while I so much did my best to make it work. I know by consciousness that it is not about ‘a relationship with another’ mainly but more about the relationship with myself. Did this improve? Yes the relationship with myself did improve for sure.

Then what makes this experience of disappointment so deeply ingrained; what makes me feel such a failure in this area? I mean I can describe it more beautiful and see the lessons in it etc etc, however how I mainly experience myself in it all is not so beautiful. And this does not make it easier to open myself up for a potential new relationship / agreement and put myself out there. It feels like this sorrow and disappointment is all over my face and visible within my eyes; like a droopy. It feels like I have walked this same route a trillion times and perhaps it is a preprogramming existing throughout all my lives.

However, I am here in this one life, having the basics within myself and my life (housing, income, health, education) in a stable place and having the luck to be in a position to accomplish this. So, I everytime come back to the point that I will will myself to at least give it my all to become more satisfied with myself in this area and who knows, creating a satisfying sharing-ship (I just made up this word) that suits myself and another and so that is best for ourselves as life as a whole.

I notice that I am not living my best potential and that I actually have missed, again and again, my best potential in this one point. So I more see this area as a motivation to push myself beyond the mind. Making the strength out of a weakness where in this area I almost every day doubt if I will ever be able to make something more of myself. I more and more see how challenging it is to move myself beyond the mind-programming and how convenient and ‘natural’ it feels to stay within the comfort of what I already know.

I have had several times a ‘meeting’ with the bees (yes the insects) that stands out to me. First time was a few weeks ago when a swarm bees were flying above my garden. It gave a loud buzzing and they keep hanging around for quite some time. I just had read before an article that some swarms were being let out or something like that – I am not even sure if it was in my living-area – and to just let them be(e) as they were replacing themselves. A little while later I shared this with a befriended couple and we looked up the information about ‘meaning of meeting bees’ in your life. The thing that was clearly mentioned is the work effort they put in every day. On my way home after this meeting again…the swarm was passing over above my head. Very remarkable as it was days or even weeks later after the first time having the swarm above my garden. I looked it up again at home in another book – same thing mainly came forward, as putting in the work and effort.

Today in the garden I sat next to flowers with bees busy close to me and even sat on my legs now and then. Now within this all – what also did go through me is thoughts like ‘oh my, what if they come down in the garden and the cats are still out there (first time with the swarm above the garden) or today thoughts like ‘hmmm will it stick me when sitting on my leg’? But mainly I enjoyed them being around. And here, while taking a break of this blog with a coffee in the garden, again surrounded by these bees, what again comes to my awareness is to look at and integrate the work and effort. Like a bee being diligent.

I had reflected on this ‘work and effort’ earlier this week and actually came to see that I did Not really put in the work and effort to really Create a sharing-ship with a male-partner (I do bring in myself more in friendships with females and also males; that is why I mention it specific as male-partner here). It somehow looks like I do a lot for it but when looking back, I every time step in from a point of convenience and from there trying to bring in what I find important, which then mainly fails on long term. I am not yet making this last step, this push of ‘this is who I am and what I stand for’. And within this I create an experience of disappointment and difficulty.

When really looking at this point of work and effort, it is not difficult persé but more a constant and continues effort of self-expression that may feel unnatural. And I see this on many levels and area’s, that achieving something is not difficult persé, but more a matter of who is bringing in the time and effort to create that something that is seen as a possibility as best for life as a whole.

So yes, here I have failed to do this and this level of ‘failing’ (Dutch and English blog) is hidden inside myself; where it looks from a mind-perspective that I ‘tried everything’. I find it a very much veiled dimension of why things may ‘fail’ to take shape and sustain. The mind makes it look like ‘everything has been done already’ when actually nothing is accomplished in and as a sustainable and effective matter. Welcome to how the world is build up and exist today.

No surprise then that the bees are ‘threatened in their existence’. As the bees Do bring in this effort and they Do matter, however we as the human race tend to destroy it all from a starting-point of the mind, of superiority, of making money more important than Life.

Here the word Humbleness does make sense a lot. As something that we need to integrate as humans in and as ourselves and so in and as our way of living.

Back to myself – I can use the word humbleness to support myself to start from scratch in this zero-point. I need to admit that I have not yet developped the best approach with regards to finding and creating a sharing-ship with a male partner. What I find striking as well in Leila’s blog, how she describes how walking a change, does contain admitting that I had not yet done and walked what is best in this area and this may exist as a reason / resistance and standing in the way, of actually changing for real:

(…) ‘Don’t change, because if you change, you’re actually acknowledging that something’s wrong with you, that you’re less than, that you’re…bad!’ (…)

Let’s go to the application of self-forgiveness to open up and make room for the practical application of change; as a start of this change within and without.

Self-forgiveness being walked in the next blog.

The Consciousness of the Bees


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https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 807 – Embracing disappointment

After the writing of my last blog I looked some more days – up to a few weeks, in the experience of disappointment as it was still here with me every day. At one time I noticed in myself how I could immediately embrace it and then, what would happen is that some layer behind this experience, could open up. I noticed that through not opening up myself for this experience of disappointment to come in, I am ‘holding on’ to what is behind it and so I do not need to ‘let this go’ in a way.

So can I then say that I am only ready to embrace the experience of disappointment when and as I am ready to let go what is behind it that I am holding onto? Or can I actively support myself in embracing the experience of disappointment and from here, I get a better view on that what is hiding or stored behind it and so I can then support myself in this as well to do what is best for myself? It probably works both ways: actively embracing the experience of disappointment without forcing or trying to open up what may hiding behind.

Actually when I did come to this embracing of disappointment and opening up what is behind it in letting it go (forgiving myself in it) – The daily ‘presence’ of this experience of disappointment disappeared.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the experience of disappointment and within this, resisting a part of myself and so disconnecting myself from myself in which I then enlarge the experience of disappointment from this disconnection from myself and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself caught in an experience of disappointment en enlarging the separation / disconnection from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comfort myself with an experience of disappointment, as a kind of safe bubble around me.

Does this relate with what Bernard once told me, that I use the experience of sadness as a reward? I will leave this as a question for myself as an opening to come to an answer through time, in really seeing it within myself, as at the moment what I see is the word ‘comfort’ as kind of safety around me, which can function as a reward as well theoretically, because energy is energy, so surely I should have started using it as a kind of energy reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself caught in an energetic reward system that is unknowingly functioning as a limitation system, feeling like ‘I am not coming over this’ and so cycling in an energetic experience of sadness and disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comfort myself with limiting emotional experiences like sadness and disappointment which on very deep levels, come together in / as a state of resentment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel disappointed or sad, hold myself and eventually speak from a starting-point of resentment and so resonating / bringing forward resentment and so what I may expect to be triggered is…resentment in another as well, especially when the experience of disappointment has not been embraced and openend up to and one is directly going into resentment as kind of protection to not experience disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to resentment as long as I am not willing / able to embrace the experience of disappointment and so what I keep creating in my life, are situations that reflect the hidden layer of resentment which may bring related experiences as hate and revenge.

Self-commitments:

When and as I notice an experience of disappointment within myself passing by, I stop and breathe. I realize that I need to take a moment to embrace the experience and so I commit myself to embrace myself in the experience of disappointment and to comfort myself in it so that I can heal, unite myself with this disconnected piece within and as myself and to open up what I may be holding on to underneath the experience of disappointment.

When and as I see a form of resentment in the background within me, as a kind of ‘hard wall’ somewhere deep inside, I stop and breathe. I realize that there may be an experience of disappointment within me that I have not yet embraced and so, I commit myself to take a moment to breathe and embrace myself unconditionally and see where or what the disappointment is related to and then bring this piece back to myself as a part of me.

When and as I see a reflection in my environment of some one directly living out resentment towards me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I may hold on to a resentment as well, related to the person and / or the situation that reflect on some memory within me and so, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and to find what or who I feel disappointed about, to bring it back to myself as a piece of me and as a projection of a self-disappointment towards another or a situation and embracing myself in it unconditionally, to open up what is laying / hiding underneath.

Embracing Self by Bernard Poolman


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 806 – The experience of disappointment

One of the most challenging emotions to embrace I find is disappointment. Even in the smallest things I can experience disappointment and my initial reaction is to suppress it and so not to ‘feel’ it. I have tactics to do this, mostly by ‘looking at the positive aspect’ in it immediately (so before even letting in the experience itself) as for example ‘what I learned from it’.

A few examples of how small things can bring up an experience of disappointment in me:

Snoo (my cat) who did jumped in the middle of a Rosemary plant and so half of the branches broke down; myself accidently breaking some branches of a plant while mowing the grass; when placing the scaffolding, one guy removed some piece of the fence in a not so careful way because it was a bit too high, without discussing with me because I was at sport-lesson, while afterwards appeared only one upper shelf needed to be removed. This piece of fence is needed to keep the cats inside the garden so I placed it back in an improvised way, however what I was disappointed about is how it was a bit of destroyed and existing in it as well I see some worry about how to place it back afterwards. When now writing about it I see that these examples are all about some form of destruction of something that I placed in with care.

I noticed that I easily go into angryness and blame (to myself and / or another) instead of embracing / letting in the experience of disappointment of something broken down. It takes a while before I calm down from experiencing it and I really do not like the feel of it. As I see now it will be supportive for myself to describe more how I experience this emotion and what happens in myself and my body when it comes up. I also have noticed that it does go away after a while when and as I have embraced it. I do suspect that a lot of what I have suppressed within my body, is related to a suppression of disappointment.

With the fence I noticed that I stayed calm and directed the situation effectively, replacing a piece of the fence, asking for a hand to help at one of the guys and naming what happened directly when it appeared that I needed that piece of fence, not in a blaming way (and also not experiencing angryness or any particular reaction) but in a direct and funny way, for both of us to not let it be suppressed and ‘lead a life of it’s own‘ so to speak but just so that it is named and out there. This was a cool example for myself to take such things on. However it did affect me that it was broken down – realizing that for many others, it probably would be ‘such a small thing’ barely worth speaking about, especially when one does not know that this piece of fence does have a function in that small area, up on a wall. So afterwards – when I had directed everything – I needed to lay down and rest and let them do their job and embrace myself in the experience of disappointment where I was satisfied in how I handled it so there was no reason to go into self-blame and so, only the experience of disappointment was left over to look at for / within myself.

With Snoo, I did experience angryness towards her – and I rarely experience angryness towards her! lol – I was sooo disappointed as I had just the day before looked at how nicely that plant was growing and I only calmed down when I realized that she did it accidently and if she would have known, she would not have jumped on it, it was just in her way on the ‘road’ that she takes when she runs at max speed through the garden into the house. And when realizing this, I felt shitty about my experience and words of angryness towards her.

With the plant I destroyed myself, I did cut some branches and placed them in the house and I took out what was left of the plant (not much) and decided to find a new one later as more happened already with this plant. I shared with Snoo that I did the same – I accidently broke some branches – and calmed down quite fast.

I will open it up with self-forgiveness and some more inner observation when an emotion of disappointment comes up within me.

To be continued.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive