Dag 786 – Een voorbeeld van wat ik overbreng in resonantie

Vervolg op Dag 785 – Wie ben ik in de woorden die ik spreek?

“In het volgende blog zal ik een voorbeeld beschrijven van een situatie waar ik energetische aanhechtingen mee stuur in mijn woorden en hoe ik waarneem dat dit gebeurt en hoe ik hier vervolgens mee omga binnenin mezelf. Alles natuurlijk beschreven van waaruit ik nu ben in dit proces en van wat ik waarneem in mezelf, als mezelf.”

Jaren geleden, toen ik begon met het Desteni I Process, was ik erg bezig met me wat meer uitdrukken in waar ik voor sta. Zo kwam er eens een bekende binnen op werk en deze ging iemand nadoen tegenover ons (een collega en ik) op een manier die ik veroordelend vond. Dus zei, ik “nee, zo gaan we dit niet doen, we gaan niet hier anderen achter hun rug lopen nadoen” en vervolgens liep ik weg.

Dit betekende direct het einde van het contact met deze bekende. Diegene voelde zich erg beoordeeld en de uitdrukking op mijn gezicht, deed diegene denken aan hoe een ouder zich vroeger tegenover diegene gedroeg. Oftewel, ik had een herinnering getriggerd bij de ander.

Wat ik bemerkte in mezelf is dat ik mijn woorden uitsprak in een ervaring van angst – angst voor de reactie van de bekende. En dit bestond weer uit een oordeel over hoe de bekende binnenkwam en iemand na ging doen. Tenminste, als ik er nu verder in zie, is het een oordeel op mezelf over dat ik in angst besta om te benoemen wat ik zie gebeuren. En dit zelfoordeel waarin ik in en als angst besta, is hetgeen wat ik mee stuur in mijn woorden, terwijl de woorden op zichzelf, woorden zijn van eenheid en gelijkheid, namelijk, niet praten/roddelen over een ander achter iemands rug om en hier grapjes om maken (zonder dat het een doel heeft tot zelfinzicht; we kunnen wel een situatie bespreken en de rol en gedrag van een ander hierin benoemen, echter dan om tot zelfbegrip te komen, dus waarin we onze eigen reacties, gedrag, motivatie enzovoort, bekijken en terughalen naar onszelf).

Dus, de de angstenergie en het geprojecteerde oordeel hierin, was hetgeen dat mee resoneerde in mijn woorden en wellicht zelfs het enige wat werd opgepakt. Met alle gevolgen van dien, namelijk dat het hele contact ophield te bestaan.

En was dat niet tevens wat ik eigenlijk overbracht, als gekoppelde boodschap zonder woorden? Namelijk dat die bekende zich of moest corrigeren, of beter weg kon gaan. Diegene ‘moest maar weg’. Dus ik stond niet in begrip in de schoenen van een ander, maar was vanuit mijn schoenen bezig om ‘zo snel mogelijk’ deze situatie op te lossen: ik zag dat het niet oké was om zo over anderen te spreken achter de rug om (het was al vaker gebeurd in andere situaties door deze bekende en ik had al vaker geprobeerd dit indirect te benoemen en te bekijken op een manier waarin we onszelf/onze eigen reacties ‘onder de loep’ nemen in plaats van de ander), echter ik ervoer veel angst om dit te benoemen maar ik kon het ook niet langer verzwijgen, vanuit kennis en informatie gezien en zo probeerde ik het zo snel mogelijk over te brengen ‘om er vanaf te zijn’ en niet zozeer om werkelijk de bekende te ondersteunen om dit praten over anderen te stoppen.

Hoe neem ik waar dat ik vanuit een beginpunt van angst spreek?

Ten eerste was de reactie van de bekende opvallend en op zichzelf al een reden om in mezelf, te onderzoeken wat ik heb uitgesproken en hoe ik dit gedaan heb, wie ik was in die woorden. Ten tweede merkte ik het al aan de manier waarop ik wegliep; dat ik wegliep eigenlijk, was op zich al een teken dat ik niet in mijn woorden stond en tevens ervoer ik in mezelf een soort van boosheid, bedruktheid, verbolgenheid over hoe de bekende binnenkwam en een ander na ging doen (waarin ik later vernam dat het uitgangspunt van de bekende om dit te doen, niet hatelijk of vervelend was; dus werkelijk, misschien lag het hele punt grotendeels bij mij en het projecteren van mijn kennis en informatie over ‘wat hoort en wat niet hoort’, van principes, zonder zelf in en als dit principe van eenheid en gelijkheid aanwezig te zijn).

Hoe ga ik hier vervolgens mee om?

Het is eerst de energie van mijn reactie laten zakken, zodat ik niet mezelf ga verdedigen tegenover mezelf en probeer te valideren wat ik gedaan heb door hetgeen wat de bekende deed, te gebruiken en bestempelen als ‘niet goed’. Zolang ik probeer ‘gelijk te krijgen’ binnenin mezelf in waarom ik iets doe/deed, kom ik niet tot eenheid en gelijkheid van de onderliggende ‘agenda’ of energetische aanhechtingen. Hoelang dit duurt, zal afhankelijk zijn van waar het om gaat en waar ik ben in mijn proces van zelfeerlijkheid.

Als ik in staat ben om te stoppen met ‘het bekijken en beoordelen wat de ander doet’ en puur in mezelf zie wat ik in dat moment zou kunnen veranderen en wie ik ben in dat moment, los van wat de ander ook doet dat wel of niet ‘oké’ is, geef ik mezelf de kans om in een ervaring van schaamte over te komen mezelf, van echte schaamte real shame – over wie ik ben in dat moment en in de woorden die ik uitspreek. Dit is het keerpunt; hier blijf ik even met mezelf aanwezig, meestal alleen met mezelf, dan lukt me dit het beste.

Op een gegeven moment zal deze ervaring afnemen, variërend van enkele minuten tot drie dagen zoals ik weleens heb meegemaakt. Dit ervaar ik als een kwetsbare periode en hierin trek ik me het liefst terug; echter naarmate ik er meer comfortabel mee word, kan ik het ook delen met iemand die dicht bij me staat en tevens op dezelfde manier naar zichzelf kijkt/wil kijken en kunnen we er zelfs om lachen. Echter vaak gebeurt dit achteraf, dit lachen erom en dan is het geen weglachen maar meer een lachen om de absurditeit waarin ik dan besta of bestaan heb.

Tijdens deze periode pas ik zelfvergeving toe op de ervaring en op hetgeen ik ‘gedaan’ heb, op wie ik was in dat moment en op wat ik ermee wilde bereiken, mijn ‘geheime agenda’ hierin die ik onbewust had uitgespeeld. Als alles uiteindelijk rustig is in mij, is het zien hoe dit op te pakken. Vaak opent de situatie zich vanzelf weer doordat ik verantwoordelijkheid heb genomen voor mezelf en die onderliggende, energetische aanhechtingen, die er nu af zijn en ik dit dus niet meer mee stuur in mijn woorden; ik resoneer niet meer op deze energie en breng dit dus ook niet meer over. Soms is het nodig een excuus in woorden uit te drukken, echter dit hangt van de situatie af. Het grootste excuus is de zelfvergeving met hierna de zelfcorrectie.

Deze zelfcorrectie bestaat er dan uit dat ik een volgend moment dat eenzelfde ervaring in mij opkomt waarin ik wil gaan spreken, ik dit bij mezelf houd en eerst de energetische aanhechtingen vergeef in mezelf. Doe ik precies hetzelfde als voorheen, dan heb ik nog werk te doen met een onderliggende programmering en/of voorprogrammering die ik niet effectief vergeven/begrepen heb. Is het nog aanwezig maar minder sterk, dan zit ik op de juiste weg en is het ook een oefenen en toepassen in het dagelijks leven om meer zekerheid te krijgen in mijn zelfuitdrukking.

In een volgend blog zal ik zelfvergevingen uitschrijven op bovenstaande situatie.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

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Dag 785 – Wie ben ik in de woorden die ik spreek?

Het uitspreken van woorden is één van de aspecten waarin we onszelf uitdrukken als fysiek wezen, in deze fysieke wereld. Dit is iets wat de meesten van ons heel normaal vinden, echter we hebben nog niet, nog nooit eigenlijk, werkelijk geleerd hoe ontzettend uitgebreid dit gebied is en hoe we hierin feitelijk de gehele wereld ‘creëren’.

Het is meer een gebied waarin we vaak automatisch ‘aangaan’ en er woorden uit onze mond rollen in reactie of anticipatie op iets wat zich binnen of buiten ons afspeelt, in verleden, heden of toekomst. We kunnen er ook heel ‘bewust’ voor kiezen om onszelf in woorden uit te drukken en kiezen dan bijvoorbeeld ‘positieve’ bewoordingen om een goed gevoel over te brengen, in de hoop en verwachting dat deze ‘intentie’ dit positieve ook werkelijk voortbrengt.

Er zitten zoveel lagen in onszelf die we niet onderzocht hebben en die ‘mee resoneren’ in de woorden die we (automatisch of bewust) uitspreken. En dit is een dimensie die we over het algemeen over het hoofd zien, aangezien we dit niet waarnemen. Het komt echter wel ‘naar ons terug’; vaak in ‘reactie’ van een ander en vervolgens, begrijpen we niet waar die ‘reactie’ vandaan komt.

Ik heb vaak in mezelf gezien dat als er een reactie komt van een ander die ik niet begrijp en waar ik dan vervolgens weer op reageer (in mezelf of in woorden/gedrag naar de buitenwereld), dat er dan dimensies, aspecten in mezelf zijn waar ik me niet gewaar van was, dus die ik niet eerder heb waargenomen binnenin en als mezelf. Deze aspecten/dimensies, resoneren door in mijn woorden als een ‘energetisch aanhangsel’ zou je kunnen zeggen. Dit energetische aanhangsel is wat als eerste wordt opgepakt door een ander, als en wanneer een ander evenzo niet werkelijk waarneemt wat er gebeurt – wat meestal zo is, aangezien we nog erg veel aanwezig zijn in onze geest, in gedachten, ideëen, oordelen, aannames, verwachtingen, gevoelens, emoties enzovoort en we dus door een soort van filter ‘horen’ en interpreteren, in plaats van dat we werkelijk lichamelijk/fysiek aanwezig zijn en waarnemen wat echt en reëel is en welke woorden er gesproken (of geschreven) worden.

Wat er dan gebeurt, is dat de ander ‘reageert’ op mijn woorden zonder werkelijk de woorden te horen die ik uitspreek. Eigenlijk vangt een ander de resonantie op die ik ‘mee stuur’ in mijn woorden; resonantie als dit energetisch aanhangsel dat ‘meetrilt’ in hetgeen ik wil uitdrukken en waarbij ik nog gevoelens en emoties ervaar of waarin ik nog ideeën, oordelen, verwachtingen, opinies enzovoort heb aangehecht in/als mezelf.

Wat bedoel ik hier met ‘in/als mezelf’? Hiermee bedoel ik dat, als ik iets uitdruk in woorden waaraan ik in mezelf, nog allerlei onopgeloste en/of ongeziene herinneringen heb gekoppeld; dat ik ‘als mezelf’, deze herinneringen mee stuur in mijn uitgesproken woorden. Dus ik sta niet gelijk aan de woorden die ik spreek, in en als mezelf, maar ik ben nog een soort van ‘ongezien’ aanwezig in een gekoppelde herinnering, in de vorm van een emotie, gevoel, idee, oordeel, verwachting  enzovoort. Dus ik ‘hou vast’ aan iets wat ik niet zie in mezelf en dit resoneert mee in de woorden die ik uitspreek en die ik een soort van ‘geladen’ heb met deze herinnering. Vaak op onbewust niveau, dus ik heb niet direct door dat ik dit doe.

Waar ik uiteindelijk heen wil, is dat ik gelijk sta in/als mezelf, in en als gewaarzijn van mezelf. Waarin ik verantwoordelijkheid heb genomen (of ga nemen zodra ik het waarneem) voor wie ik ben in de woorden die ik uitspreek en voor alles wat er eventueel meereist in mijn woorden, om vervolgens te kunnen richting geven aan mezelf in wie ik wil zijn in de woorden die ik uitspreek (dank Sylvie voor deze aanvulling).

Dit is een heel proces zoals nu wel duidelijk wordt in bovenstaande omschrijving en over het algemeen, neigen we naar een opgeven voordat we begonnen zijn hierin, aangezien het onbegonnen werk lijkt en het tevens onbekend gebied is. En toch is dit wat er gewandeld moet worden en waartoe ik in mezelf een verbintenis gemaakt heb om stapje voor stapje te wandelen, door alle fasen van opgeven heen, hoe langzaam ook.

In het volgende blog zal ik een voorbeeld beschrijven van een situatie waar ik energetische aanhechtingen mee stuur in mijn woorden en hoe ik waarneem dat dit gebeurt en hoe ik hier vervolgens mee omga binnenin mezelf. Alles natuurlijk beschreven van waaruit ik nu ben in dit proces en van wat ik waarneem in mezelf, als mezelf.

(Klik op de links hierboven voor meer artikelen)


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 782 – The experience of depression opening up

Continuing on Dag 781 – How I have experienced ‘depression’ in my life

(…)

After my twenties I started to bring down the going out and alcohol intake, up to now very rarely drinking a glass of wine. However with doing so, I had many years where I needed to find other ways to ‘relax from myself’ in a way and to for a moment ‘let go’. Which I must say, I did not really succeed in for quite some years. And so I did experience quite some moments of heaviness during my thirties.

If I look now at this ‘heaviness’, the first word that comes up in me related to this experience is ‘self-conscious’.

Like being too self-conscious, too conscious of myself, in what I say or not say, do or not do. Like I have locked myself in within my own consciousness focussed on my self and feeling ‘stuck’ in this, like a rabbit freezing in the light of a car. And this is what I could let go for a moment with going out and using some alcohol and hanging around, laughing and speaking with friends or dancing.

During my high-school years I had a best friend, and I went to her almost every day and with her I speaked about what was bothering me and she always sheered me up and supported me to relevate and when going back home, I felt better. But when getting older, everyone started to ‘build their own life’ and creating families and so the friendships were less shared and only coming together by ‘appointment’. And these years between 25-35, I have experienced the most struggling within myself because I could not really get up with the natural life-path of creating a family. And many of my ‘friends’ started to get involved in relationships and creating a family, where I could not relate to them so much anymore and I started to ‘feel better’ alone by myself or with others who walked a bit of a uncommon path.

Within this period I have learned to not scare as ‘resist’ the periods of depression and emotions coming up. I lived in a beautiful area within nature and with many birds outside around and I found peace and sense in a more nature-connected way of living. I noticed that a depression – the ‘experienced one’ as how I describe in my previous blog and not the clinical/physical ingrained one – is passing by. And this goes best if I am not running away for this experience, but ‘letting it in’ and investigate what is involved. It seems and feels like it goes on forever, but I have learned that it passes by and when and as I feel that it is pulling me down too much, I will ask for support.

The most frightening experiemnce in it I find that ‘I do not like anything anymore’. I have been in a period where I find I was drowning too much in a sadness and ‘not liking anything anymore’, where I went out for support – during that days I went to a couple who worked with series of Dutch flower remedies – and the lady simply said to me, without pointing it out too much but more in between other things that she was looking had – that I needed to find what I did like before and the way in which she mentioned this, immediately made me taking this in as something that is here and that I need to pick up. So not in a way of questioning it, like ‘is there anything that you like?’; but without any doubt or questioning within so as ‘data’, as something that is here. So she brought me back here actually and I immediately could find some simple things that I like.

When writing this, an experience is coming up of loosing myself, loosing control in a way over myself so I see that this experience that I had during using extacy (described in the previous blog), is still existing within me. It is like I access it while writing about this subject, which indicates for me that it is here to open up; I brought it here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like loosing control, loosing myself, as if I am not able to direct myself but that I need to follow this experience and as if I ‘need’ to loose myself to find myself, which may be true, however I do have the ability to direct myself with words, with actions, with being here in my body and so I do not need to stay and drown in this directlessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I need another to get me out of my own consciousness and at the same time, feel like I loose my directlessness when and as I am with others, which then in a way is a ‘lock in‘ from myself in my own mind consciousness system in a way that I did not see before as so ‘severe’ as so pertinent present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have seen, realized and understand the severity of my own mind-consciousness system and the lock in of myself in it, where I did understand the severity due to how the world exists today and also how we each contribute and are part of it; however really seeing it within and as myself is a different story as I easily avoid to see how it really exists within and as me.

I also see another situation coming forward where I feared to experience a depression. It was when I was pregnant (before the abortion, see blog-serie) and here I feared a post-natale depression. Sylvie brought up that the experience of ‘depression’ may be related to attention more than to control. I will look into this for myself and how it is related, as it seems to be related to a fear of loosing attention in future periods. What I more and more start seeing within myself (so from knowledge and information towards seeing it existing within and as myself), is how the ‘attention’ and energy within this, is in essence related to money and/or sexuality in/as the mind and the question and opportunity within this (of how) to move beyond this, into ‘myself’ and towards and into self-expression.

This experience slowly opens up more and is still existing within me, so cool that I am bringing the topic here.

To be continued.

 


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

 

Dag 778 – Am I originally / inherently good or do ‘I within’ need self-direction as well?

In a blog-serie last year I have written a lot about my walk through the years of fertility and what I have faced and found during this period. I have also described how I have diminished myself in a decision where in I did not give myself the time to consider all dimensions within myself and so not without as well, which has lead to consequences. Not persé that the decision in itself was ‘a bad decision’ but more the not considering was what I see that I have hurted myself with (and others as an outflow of this).

I am now walking through a phase where in I for the first time, start pushing through my ‘natural’ protection-mechanism as a ‘barriére’ so to speak. And I am quite surprised to see how strong the self-sabotage is coming up in this. Self-sabotage meaning, in several moments coming up a strong idea that I ‘need to get out of this’ and go back to my well-known confortable area in and as myself and so, in and as my life. Also here to say that this is not ‘bad’ or something and it served me very well to keep myself stable and strengthening myself in my tasks and responsibilities, but more that I see that there is an unknown area waiting from which I do not know the outcome and so actually, from which I do need to let go of the control of ‘already knowing where to go’ more or less and walking day by day and creating along the way with the opportunities opening up in this time-frame.

And this is exactly what I have been avoiding, for example in the example of decision making in the years of fertility, where in the new area felt so completely unsafe and me not yet having the skills and (self)-support to walk into it and so, I backed of, I pulled back. It very well possible, may have been the right decision in that moment, in which I have prevented myself and others, for a real ‘loosing of control’ or direction so to speak – I will never know,  but more based on what I see how much I lack in and as self-direction in this specific area of relationships and fertility and only by now, starting to opening up to be able to start to apply myself more directed.

I would like to give this as an example and these series that I have written and spoken as well, of how strong a self-limitation can come up and how realistic it may present itself, with all kind of reasonings that may be valid or not and even if the reasonings are ‘catched’ and made invalid within myself, still I surprisingly find ‘myself as a reason’ to not move forward and beyond the old, to stay in my well-known area of who I have been all these years before and probably many life-times before. So ‘the me within’ is not already shaped and done and developped as my utmost potential so as in so many spiritual trends is stated, as if inside we are already ‘good’. I find now that this is not the case; also ‘the me within’ is very much influenced and programmed and protective based.

What does very well support me in this is looking at the practical situation, the stability and possibilities and the effect of my decisions on others as well and with what decision I can stand in eternity, no matter what the final outcome is. So basicely, to keep standing within principle and integrity, is what is of support for myself to not go off track and to keep standing and moving and following up on what I have initiated and walked so far. Also when doubts, hesitations, reasons, preferences, emotions and even physical manifestations are coming up, then I have my point of cross-reference in/as myself: with what can I stand in eternity for and as myself in what is here in this moment and situation? Not as an absolute outcome for allways but as what is best right now and from here, walking from moment to moment and in consideration of how the mind can or may present itself (and so I within and as, because it is me in the end who decides) almost turned around, as a turned around projection of what is best; as a negative of a picture that needs to be developped with chemicals.

Considering all aspects that I see involved, within and without,putting a guard for my mouth to not speak in a way that create unneccessary consequences and to first seeing what is needed to forgive and correct within myself and what is real and practical and physical possible and from here, carefully moving forward into the direction that is physically opening up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to somehow think and believe that if my intentions are good, that I am then ‘good’ as well, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that good intentions alone can give the opposite outcome in physical reality if and when I do not fully understand the functioning and programming of myself in/and/as my mind and within and as my beingness as well and how this is then actually me creating or participating in an evil outcome in and as this physical reality and if and when I am not willing to really look at this, I disable myself to forgive and correct my inherent evil nature that I am hiding within and behind good intentions.

I commit myself to discover, forgive and correct my good intentions and the ‘evil’ that is hiding behind it, in and as myself as the opposite of ‘life’ (as for example in self-interest, judgements and fears) and I commit myself in this way to enable myself to consider the physical, practical circumstances as well as the principles and integrity of Life itself as for example ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’, as a guideline to create an outcome that is aligned with my potential to be and become a considering and trustable, living human being.

Bernard gave me the subject of ‘Paranoia in and as the intention of the New Age Movement‘ to write some blogs about in 2012 and I took this on (written in Dutch), however only by now, I start seeing it within myself and how I was/am holding on onto good intentions (and/as paranoia) within and as myself and keeping a backdoor open within this. During those time, he has assisted me with a few points that I am still walking and that I will write about more in time to come, as it is fascinating to see how his support (representing Life itself) stretches out over years and this to fully grasp what he was pointing out, to take on and walk through the programming within and as myself.

So far for now; thanks for reading.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 774 – Coming to an understanding of a character

For many many years in my life, as long as I am interested in relationships, I have pushed back and forward within myself within the polarity of wanting a relationship and then finding out that I can not (or don’t want) to really keep standing in it or another cannot (or don’t want) to really keep standing in it. And everytime I am looking for reasons within my own mind for why and how and what I can do more. What I see deep within me is that I on some level, start within a point of compromise and then I am not able to bring myself within the relationship, to a point of self-honesty and equality and oneness, in and as myself, while moving together to this point.

Af friend said years ago to me like ‘Ingrid, maybe you first need to find your own strength before you will be in a raltionship that you are satisfied with’ (or something like this). Here I also saw that this is real what she mentions, like this is the key, however I also found it quite daunting because I felt a lot of fear to walk this path – fear of never being able to walk with a partner on long term in and as the believe that ‘nobody wants to be with me if I do that’.

So within me I had always an idea of equality and oneness and that this is needed and what I am looking for in partnership, however I found myself time after time unable to bring this in reality and also to even speak about it from the start in a stable and clear way, also out of fear that another would not step in or would not stay. And so I walked many situations with every time the same pain when it did not go as how I would like it to go.

Within the past 6-7 years walking the Desteni I Process, I have found what I was looking for in standing up within principles that are considering myself, another and life as a whole and even more, how to practically move myself into this stand. Before this, I was not aware of how many layers I have build up within me where in I am actually ‘preventing’ myself from living my utmost potential – layers that I have stored in and as my mind-consciousness system and then integrated within my physical body and so, I am living this out in my physical reality because it has become a part of me.

This al together – which sounds like common sense and like ‘hey, easy, let’s do this’; which is not because the layers have so much integrated within all that I have become and so it takes time and effort to walk through, in writing, in the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction and then walking the correction in physical reality – this all together brought me to the realization that I do not need to let go of a relationship or to let go of the potential to walk together yet alone, but I need to let go of…………a relationship-character.

I probably have created this as my main character where in I have created the most consequences for myself and indirectly for others as well in this. The consequences for myself have been mainly emotional an then manifesting all the emotional patterns within my physical body and so affecting my physical body and organ-functioning.

At the moment of this realization, that I could come to in a conversation with Sylvie, the intens emotional pain decreased. This is also showing how supportive it can be to speak things through within integrity and especially if both are walking the process of self-realization more actively. This will be of support to understand self and each other and keep standing in finding solutions that are life-supporting on long-term. With this realization I enabled and supported myself to pick myself up and move on. I now mainly need to focus in keeping myself together, focussing on my breathing, moving myself physically and not going again and again in this emotional state in moments that I feel the emotions lingering within me – which is many times a day. Every time realizing like ‘okay I am not loosing anything but a character that is not needed or beneficial for me anymore’. Because it is so easy to fall back or keep falling in believing the emotions and feelings to be real and then following up on them. Strange enough it makes me nervous and it feels like ‘I am doing something that I am not allowed to do’- like stepping out of a ‘code’ or something.

This is actually what I / we are doing in the Desteni I Process – getting to know myself in the characters that I have created and then layer by layer, peeling off the ‘false energetic identities’ that I have taken on through my life for a reason, to enable myself to bring myswelf through in a substantial way, into self-expression. I have hidden within this ‘identities’ and so made myselfkind of ‘stuck and imprisoned’ within this by my own acceptances and allowances and to ‘come to myself’ again, I need / needed to forgive and correct all these layers as identities.

I must say that only by now when writing this out, I start to understand what ‘characters’ are and how the layers in and as my mind, are build up from identities that I have taken on and integrated within/as myself. Because I have become this one main-character, it is not so easy to see what I have build up around and as myself, because I have become it. However this did not stop me from starting my Desteni I Process seven years ago and along the way, I start to see and understand more and more. I have learned through my life the importance to start with what I do see and understand and then walk from here into a deeper awareness that is infinite in a way, because I am expanding in it.

So a ‘not (yet) understanding of everything’ can not be an excuse to not start with what we do understand in that moment.

A walk into understanding to be continued.

Thanks for reading and walking with!


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 758 – Looking within self

A short update of the inner process that I walk day by day, looking within myself what comes up in moments and how it can play out if I am not aware of my thoughts and emotions.

Last week I had more of an insight what goes on within me, before I go into an interpretation and so, reaction towards a situation but actually, towards my own created interpretation of a situation. An aspect that I found is that I was sort of ‘speaking up’ of what I would not go into anymore, however what I saw quite fast after this and actually already while doing so, is that it was more that I had not yet stand up in it for and within myself and really decided for myself what I would accept and allow and what not. And then I go into a projection towards another or towards a situation as in a ‘speaking up’ in that moment, which is then actually creating a possibility for conflict or consequences.

I did see how I could do differently and then within voicing myself about a certain point, in a moment to come, which then is supportive for myself as well as it can be for another, but I had already build up energy that I was now releasing in this ‘speaking up’ and in this way no longer accepting and allowing something within myself, however I used the situation as a mirrow to start seeing how it was all about me in that moment.

The remarkable thing is that I realized some of it in the moment that I started to build it up in the same day earlier, where a thought was activated within me and from here an emotion arised, from where I went into an ‘expectation’ that it would play out as how I was feeling about it. And from here, very fast, I created the situation in a way where in I played out my own expectation.

Luckily the other who was involved did not go into it with me and only described what happened on their side and from here I could easily bring the point back to myself and voice myself in taking responsibility for the situation and for the emotion that I recognized as jealousy coming up, which is something to investigate further within/for myself as it has many aspects in it I may not have directly recognized as jeaulousy, however it has a destructive energy in it.

The cool part of this small situation and my interpretation playing out, is that in doing so and taking the responsibility and sharing about it while walking, it is giving a more equal standing with who I am sharing this, as it gives an insight of what I walk inside myself and then shows how we are all having similar challenges within ourselves with facing our own interpretations and emotions coming up. I find this gives for each who is involved, more space to understand oneself and each other without going into judgements.

More challenges to come, however also cool to recognize the progress within self and each other.

I can truly say that what I am now writing about is the result of walking the Desteni I process for years now, where in I actually can see a ‘mind-construct’ playing out within myself as something that I have learned to walk within the writings in the lessons and in the blogs as well (and what I am still doing). It is an effective way of getting to know myself in who I am in my mind and how my mind-being-body relationship is existing and influencing me every day and then being able to take responsibility for myself in this as in learning to give myself direction within and as this internal relationships in a way that is considering and caring the life within and without.

For who is interested check it out: Desteni I process courses


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 754 – To never accept and allow it again

I was listening to the life Review of Real Forgiveness versus Feel Good Forgiveness and while listening, also looking at a point within myself that I have been walking for years. In the interview is mentioned how the self-forgiveness is not neccessarily or eventually giving a ‘good feeling’ about something that has been taken responsibility for, as one still has to live with the fact what one has accepted and allowed and created as consequence.

In the days before, I was looking into the fact that I had brought myself into the situation that lead up to making the decision to have an abortion (I have made a serie records about it as well as written related blogs) and I found that there were still experiences coming up of a deep regret of not having the possibility to give birth to a child in this life. I felt myself going deeper into my body, into the area where the ovaria are located and here I could release again a deeper dimension of the experience of regret, related to the abortion, up to the point of finding myself in a stability within this, of living with this situation, this decision and experience. So, I did not ‘feel better’ with it and that is what I saw for years and years; that I still do not ‘feel good’ with this situation that I needed to make a decision in (keeping the child or not). But, I did come to a point of stability in it, deep within myself.

However, during the listening of the interview, there was mentioned that the gift of such things, is that we will never, ever accept and allow something like this again within ourselves and so for others as well. And here I was looking, then what is the point in this that I will not accept and allow again within myself?

I somehow was still, on a very subtile level, allowing myself to not stand absolute and take absolute responsibility for the creation of the situation that brings forward the need to make a decision of an abortion (or not). And here I noticed that an abortion in itself, does have an impact. It is a decision that one would rather not come to stand for; meaning, better prevent oneself to ever have to make such decision. I was still busy justifying how an abortion – if and when needed – does not have to be ‘such big deal’,  if one is certain and clear in it or, that one could have problems with it because one would rather had kept the child but circomstances were not certain enough to give birth to a child and so this friction is then giving the ‘problems’ or inner conflict.

I did miss the point that, the decision to an abortion, is a decision about life, about giving life or not. Once the life is settled within the body and starts growing, no matter on what stage, it is ‘in motion’ and one is very much experiencing this movement, this life-force. Well, that is, I realize now, how I have experienced it.

So from here, making a decision to let it grow or take it away, is not an easy decision, even if one is certain and sure about what way to walk. This is something that I never really understood, as it was only approached from a morality point of ‘being against abortion’ for example for religion reasons or ethical reasons. I now see where this ‘reasons’ and morality comes from: the fruit is a life-force that has started growing within a body and stopping this force, is also asking for a ‘forcing’ in a way, which is then a forcing ‘against life’ or ‘against this movement of life developping on a physical level’.

Here to be very clear that I am not labeling an abortion as ‘good or bad’, but more seeing it for what it is in essence.

If I look at the concept from this starting-point, it is something to be much more carefull with, also for myself. Because, me, forcing the stopping of this life growing within me, has brought me to a form stagnation of the life-ex[ression within and as myself. Because I did not see the totality and impact of what was happening within and as me and what I had brought myself into and because I created conflict within and as myself.

Let’s have a look at the situation in general, now from a point where I am 44 years:

I have not yet been in the position of creating a stable relationship and/or stability within and as myself where in I could say, yes, I and we are ready to take the responsibility for giving birth to a child. Only now I can say that I find myself stable enough to take this responsibility but, only within a relationship for a year that is not really stable at the moment and from which I say, this relationship needs about 6 years more to stabilize before I could call it a ‘stable foundation’ for a new life to grow into. So, for me, to have the stable foundation that I would self-honestly want to bring in for a child to grow up in, I would be about 50 years old. Only then, I could start with a pregnancy, which is obviously not possible from a physical/biological point of view. So, looking at my life, I can say that there had not been the ideal circomstances and possibility to get pregnant and give birth to a child in a responsible way.

I must have known and felt this already back then, without having the tools to change myself fast enough in this (fast enough meaning, before my fertile years are over) and so, what I started doing, was ‘forcing’ it a bit through creating situations where I was not really and 100% careful to prevent a pregnancy happen. So that I then had created a situation where in ‘I could not do different’ and would fulfill the pregnancy, simply because it was ‘already here’.

However, when this did happen – I created this situation for myself – my self-honesty and responsibility did kick in, in some way and I had placed myself in a situation of choosing between two ‘not ideal’ situations: an abortion or giving birth to a child within a situation that was not how I self-honestly, would want it to be. I have choosen the first: abortion. And this, is something that I underestimated the impact from.

I even saw now, when 44 and almost within a stage of the impossibility to become pregnant, how I again, in a very subtile way, did not take fully responsibility for the prevention of a pregnancy. Within this, I did see in what state I bring myself in for days, within creating this ‘uncertainty’ within myself (like ‘oh my, what if I am pregnant?’ and from here all the feelings and emotions generating) and then, what consequences it would have on my life but on the life of my partner as well, who I agreed with that we are not going to get any children (due to our living situation in general and my age). And only by now, after listening to this interview, I realized that I still did not fully take the responsibility for the fact that I do not have children during my life here in earth and that there was actually not really and not ever, a stable enough situation to become pregnant.

This is basicely the thing that I needed to take responsibility for, already when I was 27 and this ‘desire’ or wish came up. And who knows how things would have enfolded with this, from a starting-point of self-honesty, self-responsibility and with common sense. But by avoiding this, I created a lot of turmoil, regret and pain within myself and within others as well by accepting and allowing a pregnancy that I found I needed to break down, against my deep wish to keep the child.

So, from here, I will take the full responsibility to be aware and careful, also on a subtile level, with regards to the prevention of a pregnancy, no matter how small the chances are at my age and I will take the full responsibility for the process that I have walked with regards to giving birth to a child or not during this lifetime on earth, including the decision of an abortion. Within this I hope to bring this responsibility into the world as something that we all need to stand in and as: to only start with the responsibility of giving birth to a child and guiding it to grow up, if we are really and fully ready for this. This in itself, will bring a huge change in this world for our children to come and also as a solution for the over-population that may exist.

I am not saying this from a point of morality or judgement, as I see clearly how far I – and so many of us – are lost in this biological reproduction cycle. So I know as no other how hard it can be to stand up in this for, within and as oneself.

So, not to state that abortion is now something that we can not use when and as needed – as it can be a solution that is best in a certain moment and situation, it all depends on the context and all dimensions involved – but more as something to be much more careful with and really see it for what it is, without morality and judgement, but from a starting-point as what is best for all and from a starting-point of seeing the impact of stopping the life-force growing and developing.

In a way, I have ‘aborted’ myself as life way too much, in so many aspects deep within myself and this is waiting for myself to open up and this was already waiting for myself to open up way back, before I created this conflictual situation at the age of 27.

Let’s support each other in the challenging process to birth ourselves as life from the physical so that we eventually will be able to prevent so many conflictual situations as consequences, within and without ourselves.

Thanks for reading!


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive