Dag 799 – Self-support on the experience of “being tired of everything”

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There is something underneath within me for a long time; an experience of ‘being tired of everything’. I wanted to change it into ‘feeling tired’ but how I experience it is like ‘being tired’. Which I do see as not so favorable because my being is in this as ‘being tired’ and I have developed related physical symptoms so I see it actually becoming a ‘manifestation’.

It is getting less than it was years before, where I almost was consumed by this experience. However I still see, feel and experience it within me, almost as a ‘second skin’ but also as a memory; meaning it is always here and with me.

What I am most tired of and by is of my own physical struggles, cramps, pains, discomforts. Also seeing things that I would like to accomplish but that I then look up to like a mountain, because of the physical labour that needs to be done and especially my own experience of tiredness and discomfort within it or, a fear of this on forehand.

I do experience it within my organs and I have the information (for context read the blog) – via an individualized interview through the portal – that my mind consciousness energy is ‘traveling’ through my organs and not through the muscle energy highways as how is most common. My muscles feel indeed fine and from the perspective of my muscles, I can even look forward to the labour; I like the movements and effect on my muscles. When I look at my organs and especially my large intestine, I feel an incredible tiredness in it from myself and a giving up; like ‘I don’t have it in me anymore, I cannot find the strength within me to push through’.

I am sitting here on the first day of my menstruation, which is something that I am also tired of. I am 45 – almost 46 – and I find it enough.

I still do not know how to ‘relax’ within these organs, mostly my large intestine, ovaries and uterus but also bladder and I feel a sadness on my heart. My liver is still ‘motivated’ and like ‘pushing the others’ to keep going. There is an ongoing tension in it from my own mind consciousness energy as a pressure on my organs.

This is not okay and I would like to change this. I own it to my organs, I own it to myself and so to others as life as well, as I do have a reasonable ‘good life’ so to speak with opportunities that relatively very little people have at the moment here on earth. My organs did adapt to the way my mcs is set up within my physical body, however I find I let too much ‘on them’ to take care of, as if I am not fully here to support and direct myself. I know this is not a job done in a moment. I will open it up with self-forgiveness on the experiences within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on energy instead of on myself and let energy get the best of me within emotions and feelings letting direct myself on a subtle level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my organs do the work, ‘catch me’ in a way to signal me that I am slipping off too much, not catching myself soon enough in the small moments, subtle thoughts and allowing of the lingering in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to linger in the mind even when I notice that I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can give up, that it does make sense to give up, instead of supporting myself in that moment, to stop the lingering within my mind and slow down, to release the energy and look for a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘wrongly endowed’ by having this specific set up where my mind consciousness energy moves through my organs instead of my muscles, where in I know and even am aware, that it is a gift in disguise because of my early awareness of my emotions and the effect of it within me however, I still linger in a form of victimization in it that I see now as an excuse for myself to not take the next step in pushing myself towards self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking the next step towards self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘wrongly judged’ as how I firstly translated ‘wrongly endowed’ for myself; which is so in a way because of me not clearly expressing myself and not having been able to do so in the past, which indeed gives a misjudgement of myself, by myself and by others as well, following that what I express myself in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself in an incomplete way and for this, following up on myself in this incomplete, incompetent way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my incomplete and limited expression gives an incomplete presence of myself in who I potentially am able to be and by bringing it into reality in this way, my environment respons to this in the same incomplete way and so I ‘set up’ myself in a constricted and incomplete reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then manifest this constricted expression and reality into my organs and especially my large intestine who is constricting and wanting to hold on information that is not yet fully expressed as what is best for myself but that I wanted to release already and so, I am creating a conflict within and as myself, reflecting within my organs and visible for myself in my large intestine as an ongoing cramping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to completely and unlimited express myself as what is best for myself (and so in consideration of the effect being best for all).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot find the strength in myself to push through, that I do not have it in me anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in small moments and to not even want to start, at whatever, at very small physical tasks and movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to sit and rest but I do not rest in this, as I even more find ‘rest’ inside in a slow and consistent movement of doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘be tired’ as if I as my being am tired myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have channeled my being into this experience, into all the emotions and feelings to generate an energetic experience, thinking and believing that these experience are ‘making myself feeling alive’ and so loosing myself as life as ‘beingness’ within this, wherein I am not really lost or gone, but more channeled (by myself) within energy and so wasting or ‘burning the best of me’ so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘tired of myself’ in a way as a tiredness of what I am doing to myself and by myself on a daily base.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already want to give up on my self-commitment and experience a fear of ‘not committing’ and so, thinking and believing that I better not write the commitment, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is exactly the lack of expression, the incomplete expression within and as myself as a ‘loop’ where in I hold myself constricted, of not starting because of fearing that I will not commit to my own commitments and so instead ‘committing as a ‘holding on’ to a fear of failure.

As a start for myself for coming week:

When and as I see myself lingering in my mind and thinking about all the things that need to be done, I stop and breath. I realize that I generate energy in this as for example an experience of ‘giving up’ and so weakening my physical body and putting pressure on my organs because of the emotional energy that I generate within this on a subtle level and I realize that I accumulate the experience in all these small moments of lingering. I commit myself to ‘catch’ myself in the small moments of not wanting to pick up on things, to stop, to breathe for a moment and then moving myself in the small physical action that needs to be done and so move myself from action to action and within this, accumulate the physical action and satisfaction within and as myself.

A process of self-expression and physical action to be continued.

desteniartists.blogspots.com

Nice post from Kim about self-support in the small moments.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


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Dag 798 – Perfectionism #self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all my attention and focus on one area trying to ‘get attention’ to fulfill myself with, to feel better and loved and appreciated, as an endless bucket that is never full(filled) because my starting-point is from outside –> inwards instead of from inwards –> outwards, into and as a self-expression and sharing of myself as an infinite living being and grounding and ‘filling’ myself in and as my physical substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how perfectionism from a starting-point in / as the mind – so channeling myself and my expression in and as an energetic ‘perfect’projection – does never have enough and so I experience myself and what I give as ‘never enough’ and so I experience for example what another is giving, also as ‘never enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from an age of sixteen, think and believe that having a perfect body, will give the attention from ‘men’ and ending up in a ‘fulfilling’ partnership that I am looking for, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the underlying (lying as self-dishonest) starting-point of perfectionism where my expression and physical energy is channeled into one specific area, is creating an uncomfortable ‘environment‘ as resonance and will attract others with a different form of perfectionism towards themselves and so if and when not recognized, projected towards me as well and so we are together creating an uncomfortable mutual environment with undefined expectations underneath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how perfectionism – if not redefined in a grounded way – is not realistic and coming from pictures, movies, stories, memories, connected all together and merged into an undefined and underlying expectation of what life / another should give me, instead of bringing everything back to self and then making it about self-perfectionism in a realistic way and starting to ‘give what I would like to receive’ and being clear for myself and another of what I accept and allow and what not and so, starting to live what I am specifying myself into and as in a considering and practical way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself when the physical is not showing what I am expecting in where I have channeled myself into and as energy / the mind and so only pushing myself and my self-expression back into suppression, instead of using the misalignment between my ‘inner’ reality (mind) and my physical reality as a map to see where my expectations are coming from and via self-forgiveness, bringing the pieces back to myself and redefine it into a substantial, practical, considering and realistic self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I am creating in ‘perfectionism’, I expect an ‘instant picture’ ready and settled, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how within specifying who I am in a considering way, is an infinite creating process going on and it’s not really ‘settled and done’ but more ‘on the move’ and substantiating along the way, as how I am substantiating myself along the way, expanding from inside out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose my joy for living through too much focus on perfectionism and reaching a goal within this, instead of considering as much dimensions as possible within and around myself and bringing this together in a practical goal that I can walk, alter and expand on along the way.

I commit myself to catch myself in the limiting pictures of perfectionism that I have stored within myself and my physical body, to forgive the energetic attachments and to find a seed of my expression deep within and while doing so, specify myself /this expression into a ‘voice of myself’ as my stand, my expression, my words, my actions, my presence in a considering, caring, supportive and realistic / practical way and to find my joy while walking, investigating, forgiving, specifying, redefining, creating and expanding.


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Dag 797 – #Self-forgiveness

Continuing on Dag 796 with some self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy and within this, build up layer after layer without seeing, realizing and understanding that I need to walk it back as well which may give emotional ‘mourning’ from disconnecting from what I have connected with in a starting-point of energy as self-dishonesty that is not best for myself / another / life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge mourning as something painful that I should avoid, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that mourning is a part of a process from letting go of things that are changing, as how everything is changing all the time and nothing stays really the same ‘forever’, yet me standing in and as sound within a foundation of principles, considering all parts of myself in and as life, and so all parts of life, is something that will remain and connect within and as all life as a part that I can nurture and strengthen within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid feeling pain instead of being willing to feel pain, yet from a starting-point of self-expression where in the ‘pain of regret’ can become less and less, because I then no longer need to ‘regret’ from something that I did do or didn’t do in and as some form of energy / self-dishonesty and more and more, align myself within and as myself ‘sound-tuned’ by voicing substantial words and walking living actions, within the realization that by walking this I will learn and expand and discover and consider and from here, share parts of myself as a whole that I may not have considered before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that by trying to avoid feeling pain, I actually create pain because of not embracing everything that is here (including all the painful manifestations) and so, creating circumstances to experience that what I have separated myself from, which I do experience as ‘pain’.


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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 795 – Am I willing to be heard? Letting go of the least potential.

“Here, again – it is all about losing control. You have given some characters so much control, that it even regulates how you release the waste, which is that which you no longer require, but if you are releasing that which can be beneficial and the body disagrees with you – you’re going to become constipated, because your constitution which is what is best for you – is being Hijacked by your characters of fear, and therefore you are releasing as waste – which is actually nutrition for you, while a physical female form some very deep explosive self forgiveness is required where you face this and say “No More will I live half-heartedly, I will Live with my Whole Heart and Open myself to the Potential to be Heard, because unless I am willing to be Heard and willing to Feel pain – I will never be able to actually explore what is actually possible as love and pleasure”. Interestingly enough, one will allow yourself to be guided by your Fear, which is the Least Potential – instead of everything that would make you Whole, which is the Most Potential. Realise the Pattern – write it out, Forgive it and TALK about it with the Potential partner – no matter how strange it sounds. That is how one build intimacy which may result in Trust.”

We were having one of the weekly group chat’s on destonians.com (which is free to join for who is interested) where I was writing about ‘letting go’ and my issues with it. Here Leila suggested to re-read an old chat with Bernard as it seems very much related to this point and perhaps I see new dimensions in it. So I openend it up again and indeed I see how it is already describing the whole pattern in one chat, however to really walk it into detail within myself, it may take a life-time. To mention here that the releasing of waste is improving through time so I am walking it in the physical; what I see is that I walked through the fear in real time which was quite a journey. I would say it is time now to transcent it into the start of a new creation within and as myself, so no longer manifesting the fear-result from letting guide me by fear which is the least potential, but starting to open myself up for everything that would make me whole, which is the most potential.

I have taken out this alinea (here above) to start with – well, already in this alinea, there is sooo much written. I will start with self-forgiveness on one line to open it up for and within myself. What I notice with the writing of a blog, is that not everything can be written out in the blog but it has an effect also after writing, where the ‘opening up’ continues within myself and many times, I walk the continuing self-forgiveness after the writing of the blog and the point is here to walk so to speak; I did bring it ‘here’ for myself and actually with doing so, I am stating that ‘I am ready to take on this point within myself’ and so I do.

Here is the line I start applying self-forgiveness on:

“No More will I live half-heartedly, I will Live with my Whole Heart and Open myself to the Potential to be Heard, because unless I am willing to be Heard and willing to Feel pain – I will never be able to actually explore what is actually possible as love and pleasure”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and have lived half-heartedly by not willing to be heard and not willing to feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to be Heard and not willing to feel pain (of what may come from this) and instead, place myself in a position where I am willing to be Hurt because of placing myself in and staying in a position where I am not being heard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the easy way of ‘being hurt by another’, instead of actually doing the work and putting in the effort within myself to Will myself towards willing to be heard and willing to feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility for my own well-being by placing myself in and staying in a position where I am not being heard and so, keeping myself in my comfort-zone as the easy way of not willing to be heard and not willing to feel pain and if I am hurt because of this, having a door open for (hidden) blame towards another as the potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on forehand, leaving a door open to blame the potential for me not being heard and instead, letting myself hurt in this which seems to be ‘done by’ the potential but in the starting-point, it is still me who have placed and kept myself in this position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the potential to not take responsibility and within this, hurting me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not living the most potential within and as myself as in ‘willing to be heard and willing to feel pain’ and so another will not be able to live the most potential within self and with me as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself and another / the potential within the least potential by letting myself guided by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to be willing to be heard and to be willing to feel pain and instead, trying to push the potential to go through their pain so that the potential will not hurt me anymore and so, I do not have to feel pain myself and am ‘automatically’ being heard without putting in the effort to express myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to get around ‘being heard and feeling pain’ and so actually choose the way to be hurt and so still, feeling pain but continuously in a compromised and abusive / manipulative way because I manipulate the situation myself, by letting myself guide by fear as the least potential and expressing me from this compromised starting-point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder why the potential is not living the most potential when all the while, I am not living the most potential by/as myself and so resonating and living ‘fear as guidance’ as the least potential.

When and as I see myself in a position where another is ‘hurting me’, I stop and breathe. I realize that I somehow, somewhere am not willing to be heard and not willing to feel pain and so, somewhere /somehow, I am keeping my mouth closed from words that I need to express as the most potential or, that I am not willing to feel pain to transcent a point, which is now playing out as a consequential situation. I commit myself to find the point of fear that I need to transcent and apply self-forgiveness on it and to find the words to express within and as myself and so support myself to bring myself out of the compromised position; first within and when and as required, without.

When and as I see myself holding back to a potential within what I actually would like to express, I stop and breathe. I realize that I let myself guide by fear as my least potential, which may result in a consequential situation of being hurt. I commit myself to find what I fear (to loose) and to apply self-forgiveness on it and from here, support myself to bring myself into expression with words that are best for all (involved) as the most potential; to start and keep practicing over and over again and so accumulate in self-trust in very small steps, breathe by breathe, out of the easy way as the least potential and into self-expression as the most potential.

I commit myself to Will myself to be willing to be heard and to be willing to feel pain.

To be continued.


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Facebook:
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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 793 – Do you like to be criticized?

 

ways to react to criticism

I was looking into the experience that I ‘did not like’ to receive some criticism but at the same time having the thought/belief that ‘I should be okay with it’. This then leads to having to process the critic in itself – which is mostly something that will only support me to better myself in a constructive way – and at the same time, being busy with processing my own reaction to ‘being criticized’ which gives an extra layer and is not so constructive in the end. So I already can work with (constructive) criticism because I am able to see the common sense in it and self-honest enough to introspect, but I had not yet opened up the level of the experience of ‘being criticized’ in itself and what this does to me.

It took me a while to admit to myself that I simply did not like the experience of being criticized and that this is ‘okay’. I do not need to ‘like’ it or ‘being cool’ with it. This also brings me to much more understanding that ‘constructive criticism’ from my side can cause a reaction in another and so I need to give time to process this as well and also to be careful with what and how I bring in something with regards to the location-point of another (and myself as well). It is not possible to ‘avoid any reaction’, as I have seen that almost nobody likes to find out (in the moment) that one better could have done something different. Yes we can learn to approach criticism in a constructive way, however the moment we find out something that we did not see or admit before as something destructive, this moment in itself is not a nice experience and so we need to process this, especially if we had no clue of for example ‘doing something wrong’ but also simply because of finding out we made a mistake.

I do experience fear to bring in some constructive criticism in certain situations, when and as needed, because of fearing this reaction to criticism in the moment from another. I see now that part of this fear is my own belief of ‘I should be okay with criticism’ and so this functions as a judgement towards any reaction to criticism, from myself and from another, that exist as (part of) a ‘fear’ within me. So this is a layer I now can start standing equal to and one with, within myself and so towards and with another as well; to align to taking time for myself to process constructive criticism towards a needed correction within and as myself and I can use this to better align with what and how I bring in something as a potential correction as what I see that is best for all and to take equal responsibility in this.

Some self-forgiveness and self-corrections on my findings to support myself in this process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘not like being criticized’ and because I do not like the experience, to tend to catapult this back to the one who is bringing in the criticism in a form of (hidden) blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should ‘like being criticized’ or at least ‘being cool’ with it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need to like it or being cool with it to use it in a constructive way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait to like it or being cool with it before I really integrate the criticism, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is giving a delay in processing information, forgiveness and correction within and as myself because I then am ‘waiting’ for an experience of ‘like’ or ‘being cool’, when I actually can only integrate the criticism as an experience of satisfaction, once I have already forgiven and corrected myself in and as this physical reality within and as this specific point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘not being liked’ anymore when and as I receive a point of criticism and so I already go into a ‘dislike’ of and as myself as a form of remorse to in this way, try to ‘still be liked’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need to show some remorse and because I resist to ‘show remorse’, I actually delay my own correction process; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the self-forgiveness and self-correction in itself is what is needed and of much more consistent and continues value within this physical reality than an experience of remorse, where an excuse can be made when and as needed, but this only does make sense within a starting-point of walking the self-forgiveness and self-correction as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own reaction to criticism, within myself and from another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am judging my own reaction to criticism from a point of belief that ‘I should like it’ or ‘be cool with it’ and so I expected this from another as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from another that what I belief I should be able to be myself, without introspection on what I belief and expect from myself in an unrealistic way and from here, build layer after layer of self-judgement in and as my mind and projected on this physical reality as well.

When and as I see myself reacting to a form of criticism, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I may not like it or may not being cool with and that is okay and I realize that I can take time to process and investigate the criticism and that I do not need to be clear with it in that one moment and I realize that I do not need to ‘like it or be cool with it’ to effectively investigate and process the criticism.

I realize that I then more am protecting an experience of ‘liking’ or ‘being cool with it’ which is creating conflict within me and distracting me as well from the point of criticism as well and so it is okay to ‘not be cool’ or ‘not like it’ in a moment.

I commit myself to practice to unconditionally embrace my own reaction to criticism, to take time to process this and to bring it into myself for introspection – my possible reaction and the criticism in itself – and to from here, see what I can forgive and correct within myself in relation to my possible reaction and in relation to the point of criticism; to see where and what is ‘on me’ to forgive and correct and to also see where it may not be (totally) aligned and perhaps coming from a projection or (hidden) reaction from another towards me.

When and as I experience a fear to bring in a potential possibility of correction in a situation/towards another that I see as what is best for all/all involved, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I may fear a reaction because I judge how someone respond to criticism as how I judge myself in how I react to criticism or, how I react to a possible reaction to criticism of another towards me, as this can be spiteful as well as a form of identified mind-protection as if ‘this is who I am’ or coming from a self-belief as how I for example believed that ‘I should like – or be cool with criticism’.

I commit myself to take time to be careful with what I bring in and to align with myself in clarity of what I bring in and how, as a clear reference-point for myself if and when another may react but, to prevent myself from ‘walking on egg-shells’, to if and when I am misaligned, use this as an opportunity to forgive and correct myself as preparation for another moment.

I commit myself to give myself space to embrace my dislikes (and likes as well) and to introspect what self-believes there are behind it that makes it more difficult for myself to effectively process ‘criticism’ in the world as a whole.

rain


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 788 – Self-forgiveness on the experience of neutrality

For context see Dag 787 – The experience of neutrality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly try to keep and/or bring myself back to a state, an experience of neutrality as ‘everything will be alright’ within and as myself and everytime that some internal or external stimulus is triggering me, I am reacting within an experience of fear and so, keeping myself in a constant experience of fear, for being moved out this state of neutrality as ‘the me that I feel confortably in’ or, an experience of fear when I have moved out of this state because of reacting to an internal or external stimulus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually not in one moment, be relaxed in and as myself, in and as my physical body but constantly existing in an experience or almost state of fear or anxiety of ‘not being who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use this as an enslavement to adrenaline, in and as my mind consciousness system, to continuously generate energy within me, by existing in and as an experience or state of fear or anxiety and from here, looking for acceptance as and experience of ‘love’ as the opposite of fear, when this experience is then only enlarging the experience of fear, because I can loose this experience as well, as long as it is not based in and as self-acceptance of who I am, who I have become and within the commitment of doing the best I can to move myself and the relationships I participate in, to an outcome that is best for myself and others in and as ‘life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel quite lost in this experience or state of fear and circling in and around it within and as myself, in a constant experience of ‘being in a hurry’ and ‘feeling not good enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of fear and so keeping myself inable to look at the fear and start seeing it for what it is, so that I can support myself to ground myself in and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to change something, myself and the relationships internal and external, while I am still coming from this startingpoint as inner experience or state of fear (of loosing this neutral experience actually as that I feel confortably in) and so the outcome of my attempts, is still resonating fear, instead of direct seeing in common sense.

So here I realize that to be able change, I need to be willing to give up this experience of neutrality within and as me, otherwise I am only walking in cycles in and as fear – from fear to a moment of comfortability which still contains a fear in it as fear of loosing this comfortability again – and so, keeping myself prissoned in this experience or state.

I commit myself to, when and as an experience of fear is coming up, to not react in fear but to support myself in looking at the fear, by looking at the energy and seeing how it moves within my body, by recognizing it as ‘fear’ instead of reacting to it, where from here I can see if I can more specificely define how I really experience myself within and as this ‘fear’, if there are other emotions or even feelings related, as a start to ground myself within where and who I am in this moment.

I commit myself to stand by and with myself in this process, to make peace with the uncomfortability, the misalignments, the friction, the mistakes, the hesitations, resistances, dissatisfactions coming up within me, as a part of moving myself towards an alignment in who I am deep inside as a being and who I only can be in this physical reality, if I as this being am moving myself to come through within and as my physical body, by walking through all the discomforts and frictions that I have accepted and allowed within and as myself to exist, in and as this experience of neutrality that holds the fear ‘dormant’ and so myself within and to keep walking and moving, altough I may ‘not want it’ in many moments.

I commit myself to be gentle with myself in this process, as in gentle but firm, as in understanding yet moving through, step by step, breath by breath and to do take moments in between to relatively ‘relax’ as in doing things that I like.

To be continued

What is Process? – Back to Basics


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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 787 – The experience of neutrality

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed all my relationship-experiences to be defined within/as the categories of either “positive/negative/neutral” all of which originate from the starting-point of “experience” as I “experience” positivity/negativity/neutrality – when in/as substance as equality and oneness, my standing With all as me is not based within experience or categorized within positivity/neutrality/negativity because I in fact Am all as me in equality and oneness, which is not an “experience” it’s a living/beingness standing. In this, I have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest my relationship-lines within/as energy as “experience” to/towards all as me as either “positive/negative/neutral”. Equal-to and One-with the World-System as Money’s relationship to/towards humanity – categorized within experiences / as living physical experiences of human beings with the “Positive” as those with the most Money/more than they require, “Neutral” as those of humanity that live comfortably with Money that have enough and “Negative” as those of humanity with little to no money at all.”

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?

I am noticing within myself how I am constantly trying to bring myself in a ‘state’ of neutral energy, that where I feel ‘comfortable’ in and safe and relaxed in a way. That experience that I ‘know’ as ‘everything will be alright’. And I am doing this automatically, so I am/was not really aware that I am/was doing this. I did notice how I was everytime again trying to move myself to this state and then relax for a moment, thinking and believing that this is where I ‘need to be’ but I was not aware of the fact that this ‘state’ is not ‘who I am’ or should be or where I should be. It is merely creating an experience of constant fear within me; fear of loosing this state of experience and reacting to all and everything that is interrupting this energetic state.

I recognize this as the ‘neutral’ energy state that Heaven’s Journey to Life has written blogs about in the beginning. A neutral state that we all create within our subconscious mind and related to family and how we grow up – well from what I understand of it in a simple way. So it is not the ‘neutral’ of ‘being here’ and not reacting, but actually an energetic state between the positive and negative that ‘seems’ like ‘this is me’. But this is really to question and merely something I move around subconsciously (and from what I now realize while reading the blog of Day 6 – related to how I grow up living comfortably with having enough money to live from – interesting).

I found this a very interesting realization, because it gives a tool for myself to stop the constant experience of fear. What I notice in this realization, is that I do not need to react to so many things in a subtile way and that I do not need to live in an experience of constant fear, if I stop trying to attain this neutral energetic state; then actually all these outer and inner stimuli, do not need to disturb me. Because I do not have to ‘loose’ anything or ‘try to go somewhere’ and this creates much more space to look into myself and into the stimuli and how to move myself within this all.

I notice here that I choose to use the word ‘move myself’ instead of ‘direct myself’ and that I experience resistance on the word ‘directing’ so that is something to investigate within/for myself.

This realization doesnot mean that everything is now solved (and also this does not mean that ‘I can live without money’ or something because we all in this world as how it exists today, need the money to create a life for ourselves and each other), altough this seems so for a moment when this realization takes place. I now have to actively apply myself according to this realization and remember myself for doing so and then moving through the more challenging moments.

In the next blog I will write some self-forgiveness on this and here already some self-forgiveness with a link to the blog of Day 6 in Heaven’s Journey to Life.

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the continuation of such relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity throughout my existence without change – because when/as I would change such relationships, I have come to believe that who I am will cease exist, not realising/seeing/understanding that the illusion of me as Energy will cease to exist – but who I am as substance/equality and oneness remains/is here and always has been here. But I have separated myself from me as substance/equality and oneness to such an extent, that I have come to believe that all I am is Energy/Experience, and so continued existing as this belief and continued my relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity to/towards all that is me to ensure my continued survival as the Energy/Experience I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become.

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?


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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive