In the two blogs before I have in the first blog written an introduction of looking at the word abandoned and in the second blog, opened up what experiences I found related to this within myself while bringing this into self-forgiveness, so actually enabling myself to let go the emotional attachements that I could see stored within me related to ‘abandoned’.
From here I will describe how I support myself to see and move beyond these emotional attachements and to practise to no longer ‘abandone myself from myself’ in this area.
I remember Bernard saying something like ‘eventually you will have a relationship with Desteni’ – especially for those who are looking for a relationship and bumping on the tools that are provided within Desteni and then having a tendency coming up to place the relationship with another above the relationship / agreement with self, like I tend to and perhaps many females but also males with me.
I have walked and am walking this process on many levels, from the beginning 6-7 years ago that I started my ‘Desteni I Process‘ and actually already before. On a consciousness level I knew from the beginning and before, that the self-agreement should be the first and foremost agreement and without this, no relationship / agreement with another will keep standing on long-term. However knowing this on a consciousness level and really living it in real life, between this, I have found so many dimensions to forgive and correct myself within as there is quite a lot that I have misaligned myself in on subtile levels, deep suppressed within me that I need to first uncover, then embrace, forgive, correct as ‘seeing another way’ and at the same time, a whole new area of redefining and bringing myself into a living application of no longer compromising myself, my relationships and another in and as life.
I still did not really understand what Bernard ment with his specific words although I saw the truth in it from the beginning. This is my strength in walking this process; that I see the truth as ‘what is real’ in the information that is provided as self-support and so I have opened myself for everything that is provided, altough I may not yet completely see, realize and understand what is ment with it; then from here, I bring it into myself, I keep it within myself and investigate what it means for me, until the moment that ‘the coin falls’ (mmmm in Dutch we say ‘het kwartje valt’) meaning, until the point that the information grounds and makes sense within and as me and then I have integrated it within myself and am I ready to start and practise ‘living’ the principle.
So the coin has fallen, het kwartje is gevallen (Dutch) after I had written these words to Sylvie – and up until this moment, I noticed that I felt almost quilty about standing within this relationship with Desteni no matter what, as if I did not leave room for others to come into my life. I did see in this moment of realization, that the decision for me to really see, realize and understand and then live, is that I will not accept and allow to develop an abusive way of living into my life; and Desteni is standing for oneness and equality in and as life, on all levels of existence and so, my relationship will be ‘with Desteni’ as this represents a relationship / agreement within and as self that is eventually best for all in and as life, aligned with our ‘beingness’ coming through within our physical bodies and aligning our mind to a way of self-support, instead of self-sabotaging.
It is the only long-lasting solution as it includes all life and so, a relationship with me, means that within the relationship, I will bring in the principles that I stand for and as and that I am practising myself as well, together with other people walking their journey to life. So actually it is an invitation to stand as the solution with and as self, each on the location-point of where one is in his or her process.
And wow is this challenging for me, because within this I will have to walk through a ‘fear of loss’ and this I find related to an experience of ‘being abandoned’; however I also see that it is the only way because only when standing (up) myself, a relationship that I am part of will stand the test of time.
So, now I can skip the ‘feeling guilty’ for my relationship with Desteni. Same as the words of Bernard that I remember as ‘it is nothing to be ashamed of to stand for what is best for all’. Strange how we have stored these experiences within self, in and as the mind, where we have ‘turned around’ and ‘turned against ourself’ that what is actually best for all, as even experiencing guilt or (false) shame when and as I / we stand for a long-lasting solution. There is one deep experience of shame that we should take into consideration as real and essential, which is the ‘real shame‘ of the abusive compromises that we have accepted and allowed on many levels, within and as ourself, within our relationships and in this world as a whole.
This is actually the correction as seeing and then moving beyond an experience of ‘abandoned’ that I have walked so far within and as myself. To see, realize and understand how I had misaligned and so ‘abandoned’ myself in a way, from standing as myself as the solution that is best for all, without using experiences of quilt and shame as a way to doubt myself and what I am standing for and why I am standing for this solution. As Gian said to me a while ago in another context: ‘trust yourself’. Also these words come up within me in many moments lately. The solution now is and will be, to in real life, live this correction moment by moment, word by word, breath by breath and to keep pushing myself to do so and to more and more move to this point of oneness and equality, in and as myself.
Through the years, I have brought myself into a position of self-trust in walking this, as I have proven to myself and I am openly walking this to check in for others, that the principles and tools provided by Desteni, are standing within and as a starting-point of equality and oneness and so it eventually will bring forward a result of equality and oneness, if and when applied towards and from this same point of integrity within and as self – while walking through all the layers of illusions and mistakes within and as self, day by day. So there is no need to feel quilty about ‘my relationship with Desteni’ or shame about ‘standing for a solution that is best for all’.
I will keep on using my physical body as a guideline to open up points within me and continue with investigating what parts I have ‘abandoned’ myself from and from myself, in and as my mind-being-body relationship.
This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: