Dag 815 – Understanding ‘borders’

Choosing my ‘borders’ can be colourful! 😉

I shortly have come to understand the word ‘borders’ (or bounderies) and what this means as self-support. Ofcourse to be expanded on. This word is often used, I have heard it many times before with regards to relationships in general. However I could not internalize it but only understand it as knowledge and information.

Recently I had a convo with Joe (which I truly recommend) and at some point, he mentioned the practical approach of placing borders as a clarity of what I accept and allow and what not (also in the very small/practical things). This did hit home as a practical tool to use and from here, I also started to see how within this, I am able to direct myself in interactions with others, without becoming, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed and what more, from what ‘another is doing’ and then not exactly knowing how to bring this in and so internally going into blame and resentment within my own mind, where I then eventually lock myself in and pull myself back.

What I see is that I completely loose myself in ‘not placing borders’ and from her, considering everything over and over again within my own mind. This in itself is not a bad thing, to consider all and everything, as it is a door to investigate new area’s in many ways and not get stuck within ‘what I already know’ and it enables to listen to another, however within this, I also easily loose sight on and suppress my natural self-border so to speak, as that from and as my beingness-integrity that is me.

It did become a whole personality of ‘being too nice’ and compromising myself within my physical body, without exactly seeing where and how I do this, how this happens, as the layering of blame had manifested around it and then I suppressed this as well because I did not like this part of myself and did not really understand how to take responsibility for this because actually this blame was in reaction of something outside myself that I did not know how to direct myself within.

So I firstly started to open up this blame dimension with the support of the Atlanteans serie on Blame (10 interviews) and from here, this point of borders did sink in and here I started to see this as the prevention for myself to go into blame, but also as a practical tool to be in a relationship (if and when this opportunity may open up in time to come). Because if and when I do stand and keep standing within myself, nice and warm within my own skin – as borders of what I accept and allow or simply in and as my self-will and self-integrity – I do not need to go into blame afterwards, cause I have already been clear within myself and enabling myself to express myself in a point. And vice versa; without already existing in a point of blame (build up through time when not investigated and forgiven), I do not need ‘to be nice’ to somehow ‘make up’ for my starting-point point of blame by ‘being nice’ and ‘wanted to be liked / to be good’, because I am already here, standing within and as myself, so no need to make myself feeling better or liked or ‘making up’ for something. So for example simply saying ‘no’ does then not ‘feel as a bad thing’ but more as an answer from within, that actually is then best for all as well, directly or eventually.

I do notice a difference within myself with regards to my self-will and placing borders in and as my self-expression, as if I now am more able to connect with myself as the starting-point. For sure there will be challenging situations to come with regards to self-will, borders, authenticity / genuineness and the construct of blame within , however it is like a turning-point within and as myself has happened to move forward from and the convo with Joe was a marker within this. I delayed this convo a few months, due to a lot of practical housing stuff that needed to be done last summer – so more focus and care on the outside, as how it suits with summer-time; however I see that I firstly needed to open up my inner darkness and the blame within, so that I could enter this convo in vulnerability and push myself to open up without fear, which lead to an enjoyable, warm and supportive two hours conversation. As the ‘self-harvest’ in autumn of what I have walked earlier this year – and all the years before ofcourse – investigate Desteni I Process.

Some self-forgiveness on what opens up after writing the blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘bind’ myself and / as my expression, to another in / as my mind, instead of placing clear bounderies within and as myself of who I am, who I want to be in what I accept and allow and what not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a different / default pathway, as if I take a ‘side-path’ and here connect myself and my expression to another, instead of walking forward in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘being liked’ above ‘what I stand for’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a strong physical fear / nervousness as ‘pain’ within my body in the upper-corners of my intestines, as if I ‘am not allowed to cross these lines’ which I see as related ‘borders’ of limitation where I ‘better stay in’ without me knowing or being aware of what exactly these borders contain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I should not cross this pain’, and so staying and keeping myself in ‘fear of the pain’ as limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that because I do not know, see or am aware of what is beyond these ‘borders’, I should not go there because ‘there is nothing’ as ‘nothing that I know or can relate to’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience some excitement of moving myself beyond that limitation / these borders into the ‘unknown’ as nothingness and at the same time fear it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand borders as limitation as how I already had placed them within me to stop me from passing ‘what I already know’ and so, become kind of ‘borderless’ in that I do always see a possibility beyond a border or at least, understand where a limitation comes from and so kind of loosing myself within being borderless when at the same time, not being able to move myself beyond my own created borders in / as the mind.

When and as I see myself going into blame in and as myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that somewhere, somehow, I did not frame / border myself within myself and accepted and allowed myself to go into defaulted pathways in and as my mind and / or I did not express a border clearly towards my environment in and as my self-integrity and so, I commit myself to find where I missed my self-border as my self-integrity, to forgive myself for the consequences that I created from ignoring myself in my integrity and from here, finding my inner voice and practising to express myself clearly, towards myself and / or towards another.

I commit myself to define the experiences within and as the ‘pain-points’ in the upper-corner of my large intestine when and as they come up and to embrace and forgive myself in what I find and at least, when not yet able to define the experiences, just lay down, embrace myself and see what comes up within me and so layer for layer, piece by piece, bring myself back together, strengthening my self-trust as the foundation to move forward from.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive
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Dag 767 – Seeing beyond abandoned into myself

Dag 765 – Abandoned

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

In the two blogs before I have in the first blog written an introduction of looking at the word abandoned and in the second blog, opened up what experiences I found related to this within myself while bringing this into self-forgiveness, so actually enabling myself to let go the emotional attachements that I could see stored within me related to ‘abandoned’.

From here I will describe how I support myself to see and move beyond these emotional attachements and to practise to no longer ‘abandone myself from myself’ in this area.

I remember Bernard saying something like ‘eventually you will have a relationship with Desteni’ – especially for those who are looking for a relationship and bumping on the tools that are provided within Desteni and then having a tendency coming up to place the relationship with another above the relationship / agreement with self, like I tend to and perhaps many females but also males with me.

I have walked and am walking this process on many levels, from the beginning 6-7 years ago that I started my ‘Desteni I Process‘ and actually already before. On a consciousness level I knew from the beginning and before, that the self-agreement should be the first and foremost agreement and without this, no relationship / agreement with another will keep standing on long-term. However knowing this on a consciousness level and really living it in real life, between this, I have found so many dimensions to forgive and correct myself within as there is quite a lot that I have misaligned myself in on subtile levels, deep suppressed within me that I need to first uncover, then embrace, forgive, correct as ‘seeing another way’ and at the same time, a whole new area of redefining and bringing myself into a living application of no longer compromising myself, my relationships and another in and as life.

I still did not really understand what Bernard ment with his specific words although I saw the truth in it from the beginning. This is my strength in walking this process; that I see the truth as ‘what is real’ in the information that is provided as self-support and so I have opened myself for everything that is provided, altough I may not yet completely see, realize and understand what is ment with it; then from here, I bring it into myself, I keep it within myself and investigate what it means for me, until the moment that ‘the coin falls’ (mmmm in Dutch we say ‘het kwartje valt’) meaning, until the point that the information grounds and makes sense within and as me and then I have integrated it within myself and am I ready to start and practise ‘living’ the principle.

So the coin has fallen, het kwartje is gevallen (Dutch) after I had written these words to Sylvie – and up until this moment, I noticed that I felt almost quilty about standing within this relationship with Desteni no matter what, as if I did not leave room for others to come into my life. I did see in this moment of realization, that the decision for me to really see, realize and understand and then live, is that I will not accept and allow to develop an abusive way of living into my life; and Desteni is standing for oneness and equality in and as life, on all levels of existence and so, my relationship will be ‘with Desteni’ as this represents a relationship / agreement within and as self that is eventually best for all in and as life, aligned with our ‘beingness’ coming through within our physical bodies and aligning our mind to a way of self-support, instead of self-sabotaging.

It is the only long-lasting solution as it includes all life and so, a relationship with me, means that within the relationship, I will bring in the principles that I stand for and as and that I am practising myself as well, together with other people walking their journey to life. So actually it is an invitation to stand as the solution with and as self, each on the location-point of where one is in his or her process.

And wow is this challenging for me, because within this I will have to walk through a ‘fear of loss’ and this I find related to an experience of ‘being abandoned’; however I also see that it is the only way because only when standing (up) myself, a relationship that I am part of will stand the test of time.

So, now I can skip the ‘feeling guilty’ for my relationship with Desteni. Same as the words of Bernard that I remember as ‘it is nothing to be ashamed of to stand for what is best for all’. Strange how we have stored these experiences within self, in and as the mind, where we have ‘turned around’ and ‘turned against ourself’ that what is actually best for all, as even experiencing guilt or (false) shame when and as I / we stand for a long-lasting solution. There is one deep experience of shame that we should take into consideration as real and essential, which is the ‘real shame‘ of the abusive compromises that we have accepted and allowed on many levels, within and as ourself, within our relationships and in this world as a whole.

This is actually the correction as seeing and then moving beyond an experience of ‘abandoned’ that I have walked so far within and as myself. To see, realize and understand how I had misaligned and so ‘abandoned’ myself in a way, from standing as myself as the solution that is best for all, without using experiences of quilt and shame as a way to doubt myself and what I am standing for and why I am standing for this solution. As Gian said to me a while ago in another context: ‘trust yourself’. Also these words come up within me in many moments lately. The solution now is and will be, to in real life, live this correction moment by moment, word by word, breath by breath and to keep pushing myself to do so and to more and more move to this point of oneness and equality, in and as myself.

Through the years, I have brought myself into a position of self-trust in walking this, as I have proven to myself and I am openly walking this to check in for others, that the principles and tools provided by Desteni, are standing within and as a starting-point of equality and oneness and so it eventually will bring forward a result of equality and oneness, if and when applied towards and from this same point of integrity within and as self – while walking through all the layers of illusions and mistakes within and as self, day by day. So there is no need to feel quilty about ‘my relationship with Desteni’ or shame about ‘standing for a solution that is best for all’.

I will keep on using my physical body as a guideline to open up points within me and continue with investigating what parts I have ‘abandoned’ myself from and from myself, in and as my mind-being-body relationship.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 527 – Opgeven – een systeem

HoleinthewallIk heb opgegeven. In 1 moment ervoer ik hoe ik opgaf en alle motivatie om ook nog maar iets te doen, uit me wegtrok. Ik wist direct dat dit effect op mijn lichaam zou hebben en voelde dit ook fysiek, waarin ik me letterlijk en figuurlijk heb lamgelegd. Alsof al het bloed uit me wegtrok en alles zinloos werd. Ik zie alleen niet precies wat ik gedaan heb, hoe het verbonden zit.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te ervaren alsof me niet meer te kunnen bewegen en dit fysiek te hebben gemanifesteerd waarin mijn darmen evenzo niet meer bewegen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb dat nog het ergste te vinden, dat mijn darmen niet meer bewegen waardoor het me niet lukt mezelf er doorheen te bewegen in en als de angst dat als ik dit wel doe, ik het verlies.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb bang te zijn voor verlies als ik mezelf ergens doorheen beweeg.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te ervaren dat ik de last niet meer kan dragen, ik weet alleen niet exact welke last.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb in 1 punt niet volledig open te staan om te doen wat het beste is en zo indirect in ieder ander punt mezelf onderuit te halen en in de geest te vallen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken dat mensen weten wat er in me omgaat.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb het als een enorme opgave te zien om me uit te drukken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet eens te overwegen iets uit te drukken in en als een overtuiging dat allang bekend is waar ik voor sta.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken dat allang bekend is waar ik voor sta en niet eens te overwegen dat dit niet zo is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven ergens voor te staan en dat ik me dan niet meer hoef uit te drukken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb hetgeen ik voor sta te gebruiken als excuus om me niet te hoeven uitdrukken.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te onderzoeken wat er precies gebeurde toen ik opgaf en hier ondersteuning bij te vragen, waarin ik me realiseer dat ik aardig op weg was en ben om dit systeem van opgeven te onderzoeken de afgelopen weken en dat in een moment van activatie in en als de geest, ik viel in het zwarte gat – wat tevens een aanwijzing is dat ik op het punt sta van de mogelijkheid om het te transcenderen voor, in en als mezelf.

zwart gatGiving Up: Introduction – Atlanteans – Part 162

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 378 – Loneliness – 1

Word Web

I have made a wordweb around the words loneliness, alone and aloneness on paper and applied self-forgiveness on the ingredients and connections out loud.

Here I move on with self-forgiveness on my relationship of positive feelings with 1 person (as a partner and only as company)  to work with the polarity that exist in the experience in loneliness and the search for fulfillment in relationships.

Feelings with 1 person (when being in a partnerrelationship):

not feeling alone as lonely

feeling carried

feeling like I have succeeded

feeling part of society, like joining in

feeling accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feeling alone as lonely when being with 1 other person in and as a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel carried when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have succeeded when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like part of society, like joining in, when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel accepted when being with a partner.

Feelings when being with 1 other person (not in partnership but as company):

joy

more light, not so heavy, able to self-reflect with humour

able to laugh

not so lost in the mindstructures

excited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel joy when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more light as not so heavy and able to self-reflect with humour, when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as heavy as alone when being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience alone to heavy by connecting the word alone to the word heavy and within this, connect myself as being alone as heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and experience myself as being alone as heavy, and within this believing that nobody wants to be with me because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nobody wants to be with me for a longer time, because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every one who is with me for a longer time, becomes heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be able to laugh when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not so lost in the mind-structures when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excited when being with another person as company, in which I compromise myself as going ‘out of myself’ and within this, not being aware of what happens in my physical body in and as reactions which gives physical constrictions, and so within this, create a polarity of wanting to be with another human being and at the same time wanting to be alone, as not creating constrictions, where in I actually alone also create constrictions in and as the mind, in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create constrictions in and as reactions towards my own mind-patterns which I suppress in and as myself, to not feel all these reactions as rejections inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns, alone and when being in company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself in and as the mind, and to be surprised everytime I see someone else in what I interpreted as happily expressing in and as the mind in full convincement, in which I think, how is this possible, and then start creating energy myself in and as reaction on this, and so, do not like myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction, and in this way, keep myself busy with reactions all the time, in and as judgements, experiencing myself as unable to stop this, and so isolate myself in and as being alone, looking for a relationship in and as the mind and at the same time being without company, so that I do not react so much on what I see as interpretation outside myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction and so that I do not see who I have become in and as self-judgement, projected outside myself, in which I think, how is this possible, until I decide, it’s enough, no more compromises which harms life as myself as life and within this having only one option left, which is standing up, standing alone, in and as self-investigation of who I am, have become and can be.

*

When and as I see myself going into reaction on somebody outside myself, I stop, I breathe.

Actually I donot know why I react in that specific moment, I basicly see it as a pattern, just reacting because of the sake of creating energy.

I realize that I cannot be here with myself if I judge everything inside myself in and as reaction as projection on the outside world.

I commit myself to stop reacting in and as the mind on somebody outside myself, and breathe.

I commit myself to investigate what happens in the moment of reaction inside myself specificely, to investigate, see, self-forgive, write out, what it is that I react on and/as what I judge in this in and as a reaction about and as myself, as a judgement about myself.

I commit myself to stand equal as accepting myself as who I exist in and as the mind, no matter what it is that I see, so that I can stop, embrace, stand equal, self-forgive and actually correct myself into a living being in and as the physical, breath by breath.

I realize how I have walked from the staring-point of not wanting to stand alone, and that I am not able to reach the bottom as grounding myself, as long as I am constricted in relationships in and as the mind, in and as emotional reactions and suppression.

I realize that I connect myself in and as emotion towards other emotions of other people, when actually it is not my emotion and I am not emotional about it but becoming emotional in and as this connection, just because of feeding the emotions.

I realize that I am walking in and as the mind in constrictions as assumptions, and within this, constrict myself in and as relationships, in and as the mind, in which I react emotionally in and as judgements, and manifest this reactions physically in and as the large intestine, in and as control.

I commit myself to investigate the assumptions in relation to alone, loneliness, relationships, and push myself to see beyond the balance in this in and as the mind, in and as a believe in what I have learned in this world as ‘real’ without questioning and investigating this to the bottom.

I commit myself to investigate the assumpions about relationships and standing alone to the bottom, so that I can reach the ground and stand up from the bottom, in and as a starting-point of self-honesty.

Winged – Exploring Self Intimacy

….Then I look within me and I realise: That I had deserted me through the manifestation of that which is not real: Judgment – and here I see – that I had done what I had become: That which is not real and desertion: Judgment as that which is not real I had become because I believed the lie that judgment is real and desertion of self because I deserted me through believing that judgment is real – and then manifesting this judgment within me, manifesting this desertion within me –which had become me as my entire world – as my entire experience as the desert of desertion and the mirages of what is not real…

Here I see – I finally see – that this desert is me – I manifested this desert as me because I deserted me – here I see – I finally see – that I these mirages are me -I manifested these mirages because I believed that which is not real is real: Judgment…. (Winged)

(For interviews as support with regards to the experience of loneliness, click on the links in the writing above).

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

The evening before Roos died, I was participating in knowledge and information. And within this, I was not able to physically see what was going on and what was needed in that moment. I even believed that I was doing the right thing, altough I was not comfortable with and as myself that night. I believed ‘I had to put some lines’  and within this, put her back in her living space and decided to not check on her for one time. Several patterns came up in this, and I was gone, in and as the mind, going to bed. I felt a rush of adrenaline, I woke up 6 times. Oeps now I see, as I have noticed before, when there is coming up this adrenaline, I am doing something and/or want to do/want to say something in and as self-interest, in and as the mind. This time, I didnot even see this as a signal, I assigned it to a work-out lesson that I had that evening. I missed a lot; the mind was pretty much in control.

Afterwards there was no participation in guilt. I have participated in guilt many times, where actually I know that I am doing something in and as self-interest, but I decide to do it anyway with several reasons for it, and afterwards I experience guilt, in where the guilt gives somehow a better feeling again afterwards about doing this. The interviews of the Atlantean about guilt explain this very clearly. In this situations, when this happen, in the moment I am not really clear I am doing things in self-interest, but afterwards I see, oh yes of course, shit, that was not cool at all.

For the second time now since the starting of walking this process, I make a huge mistake within a believe that I was doing the right thing. So afterwards it’s like, wtf, where was I? How could I ever have done/have missed this? I was in knowledge and information. In knowledge and information, it was not such a bad solution to put her back in the space around her hutch, but it was a bad solution, because I look from the perspective of my own mind in and as memories, and place this on the moment in and as life here, and so I miss life here in the moment as myself.  I do not physically see what is going on, what is needed, I am not physically walking with the other being in and as myself, actually I am not here physically, but busy protecting myself in and as the mind in patterns that are triggered……participating in knowledge and information, trying to protect myself in and as these patterns. And so for this one specific moment, it was a bad solution, it was not best at all.

If I stop protecting myself in and as this patterns as memories, I have to see in these whole patterns, how I was in mistake in this my whole life, participating in and as control in the mind, and of course, the mind does not like this, and so, ‘throw up’ a huge protection mechanism, to try to survive in and as these patterns in and as a belief of having done and doing the right thing, and within this, harms life in general, from myself, from everything and everyone, and in this specific case the life of Roos. To become clear on this is the Gift of Life by Roos.

So, this whole pattern is opening up now. Because I can and do not will allow myself anymore to stay in this compromising patterns. It did manifest and manifests in very small things, and I somehow always put it back under the carpet, which was possible because it was so small, so ‘not seen’ and so ignored, by from my perspective, everyone around me where I grew up, and within this I gave the mind space to use this to ignore it myself in a way. Like half seeing it, working with it, and half allowing it as a backdoor. Because, if I decide to not accept and allow myself to compromise myself anymore, the consequence is that…..I stand alone.

And within this, the system and emotion of/as loneliness is showing it’s face.

*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself in and as knowledge and information in and as the mind, in and as memories or solutions from different situations, which I use now to put on this situation in and as knowledge and information, without seeing physically in and as this situation in and as this specific moment, as what is going on specifically in this moment in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a way to protect myself from being here, in and as the physical, in and as a eventual not knowing what to do and how to approach in and as the mind, which gives an experience of uncertainty and maybe even desperation in this, and so to stay out of this experience in and as myself, I use knowledge and information to direct myself, out of the experience in and as the mind and to direct the situation in and as the mind into my own approach of control, which leads to an ignorance of the specifity of life in and as the living moment, in and as breath.

When and as I see myself going into a memory as knowledge and information, to search for a solution to face a specific situation in and as this physical reality, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I am facing a situation that I donot know how to approach, and that I tend to reach to memories in and as the mind, to keep me out of this experience of ‘new’, of uncertainty, as never have done before.

I commit myself to allow myself to stay in and as a new situation in and as an experience of uncertainty, as only in and as this uncertainty, I will be able to find a new and living approach in and as a support of and as life, and within this, find the solution of life, in and as breath, in and as myself or eventual with the support of another being, to not give up on life anymore just because I don’t know how to do things but instead of this, stay here, breathing through the uncomfortability of the experience of uncertainty, seeing how to walk from here and taking time in and as this moment to be or become specific as aware of what is going on, and investigate and self-forgive in writing and/or out-loud the uncertainty and nervousness that is coming up in this approach inside myself, as I see, realize and understand that I keep myself locked in this pattern if I listen to the energetic experiences inside myself.

File:Uncertainty principle.gif

(Uncertainty Principle – Wikipedia)

Destonian Wiki

For Education and Support click on the links.

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 242 – Expressie en de Darm – Is Verandering Mogelijk?

Dit is een vervolg in een serie blogs “Expressie en de Darm” beginnend bij Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Probleem:

Ik schrijf verschillende keren dat ik ben opgegroeid met iemand die niet in zelf wil zien en dus niet wil veranderen. Wat ik diegene altijd ‘verweten’ heb. Totdat me duidelijk wordt dat we als mens niet graag veranderen, of liever gezegd niet veranderen als we hier niet of onszelf toe dwingen of hiertoe gedwongen worden. En hier groeien we allemaal in op, en zo leren we dat we niet willen en/of kunnen veranderen.

'Guilt'  Illustration by Andrew Gable

‘Guilt’ Illustration by Andrew Gable

Oplossing:

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik ben opgegroeid met iemand die niet in zelf wil zien en dus niet wil veranderen en dat dit aan die ene persoon ligt, in plaats van in te zien dat dit de algemene natuur is van de mens die geprogrammeerd is om te blijven zoals zijn programma.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb die ene persoon er de schuld van te geven dat die niet in zelf wil zien en dat hierdoor geen verandering mogelijk is, in plaats van in te zien dat ik zelf wel kan veranderen en mijn programma kan stoppen, los van wat die ene persoon doet.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb zelf te geloven dat ik de huidige status van mijn darmwerking niet kan veranderen, dat ‘het’ wel kan maar dat ik het niet kan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik mijn fysiek in disfunctie niet kan veranderen, in plaats van in te zien dat dit denken en dit geloof deels de oorzaak is van deze disfunctie.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb wel te geloven en ook zien en weten dat verandering mogelijk is, maar niet te geloven en dus ook niet echt zien dat ik kan veranderen aangezien ik niet geloof ooit de details mijn mijn zelfprogrammering te kunnen inzien en hier vandaan stoppen, zelfvergeven en corrigeren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te geloven dat ik in detail kan leren zien hoe ik mezelf geprogrammeerd heb, in plaats van in te zien dat ik het helemaal niet hoef te geloven, dat ik het gereedschap van schrijven, zelfvergeven en zelfcorrigeren kan toepassen op hetgeen ik zie in mijn eigen geest en in de directe omgeving om me heen als wat ik gecreeerd heb als consequentie als wie ik ben, en dat hierin het detail ‘gevangen’ zit welke ik kan inzien en vrijmaken door het uitschrijven van de details en hierop zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie toe te passen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik niet gestructureerd genoeg ben om in detail te zien hoe ik mezelf geprogrammeerd heb.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb weerstand te ervaren tegen structuur brengen in het schrijven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb structuur in schrijven als saai, moeilijk en niet leuk want niet vloeiend te ervaren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb structuur als niet vloeiend te ervaren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb vloeiend als ervaring als stroming als leven te ervaren, in plaats van in te zien dat dit geen leven is maar een energetische ervaring als gemak waarvoor ik weinig moeite hoef te doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb structuur als niet-leven te zien, in plaats van in te zien dat ik hiermee de structuur van het systeem bedoel en ervaar die als een bolwerk het leven onderdrukt en dat leven in zichzelf, zoals bijvoorbeeld een plant of een boom, ook een structuur heeft die leven ondersteunt.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb structuur aan systeem te koppelen en hierin structuur als zichzelf af te wijzen terwijl ik tegelijkertijd zie dat wat meer structuur veel duidelijkheid en ondersteuning kan geven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren dat ik mezelf niet verander en blijf leven met een versie van mezelf die niet grootste potentieel is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb hierin dus angst te ervaren voor de sabotage van mezelf als geest bewustzijn systeem die me in een gedegradeerde versie van mezelf wil houden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf niet te vertrouwen in het leven van mijn uiterste potentie aangezien me dit nooit gelukt is tot nu toe.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te geloven dat het niet voor mij is weggelegd om te veranderen tot een fysiek mens van vlees en bloed die leeft als wat het beste is aangezien ik uit een heel gewoon gezin kom en zelf ook heel gewoon ben maar dat ik vrijheid en geld/kansen heb gekregen in dit gezin om mezelf bij te scholen in richtingen die ik zelf gekozen heb als zijnde ondersteunend voor mezelf.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te geloven dat werkelijke verandering niet is weggelegd voor gewone mensen, in plaats van in te zien dat deze gewone basis juist is wat me stabiliteit heeft gegeven en geeft in/als het fysiek en dat gewoon en ongewoon maar een illusie is van de geest.

Beloning:

Ik realiseer me dat ik in ieder moment zelf beslis of ik mezelf door duw in verandering of dat ik toegeef aan de ‘gewoonte’ van de geest welke deze opgooit als weerstand, geen zin, onmogelijk, niet voor mij, te pijnlijk en oneindig meer van dit soort sabotage middelen.

Ik realiseer me dat het enige wat me tegenhoudt in verandering is mezelf in zelf-interesse waarin ik iets lekkerder, gemakkelijker, aangenamer enzovoort vind.

Ik realiseer me dat ik in zelf-interesse in angst besta voor het verlies van deze zelf-interesse en prettige ervaringen die hierbij horen, waarin ik opnieuw angst heb gecreeerd voor onprettige ervaringen als weerstand, en dus zal ik angst ervaren als het proces van zelf-verandering wandel, aangezien ik in en als angst besta in/als het geest bewustzijn systeem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik hierin angst ervaar voor het maken van vergissingen, in plaats van in te zien dat er geen vergissingen bestaan maar alleen oplossingen om mezelf te veranderen, en als ik reageer op een zogenaamde ‘vergissing’, besta ik in angst voor verlies van mezelf in een geloof dat ik het ‘goed’ deed elke ik als energetische beloning heb ervaren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb bevestiging van ‘het goed doen’ als energetische beloning van de ander=de mind te ervaren, in plaats van in te zien dat de enige werkelijke constante beloning is het zien in en realiseren en corrigeren van zelf en hierin zelf-intimiteit te manifesteren.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te onderzoeken voor welke ervaringen ik angst ervaar in het maken van een eventuele vergissing zodat ik deze ervaring in kan zien, stoppen, zelfvergeven en corrigeren en hierin eventueel zie aan welke herinnering deze ervaring gekoppeld is en hierin gerelateerde geloven en aannames kan stoppen in mezelf.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te stoppen met verlangen naar energetische beloningen als bevestigingen van buitenaf als de ander=de mind. Ik onderzoek in mezelf wanneer en waarom ik een energetsiche beloning verlang en/of denk/geloof nodig te hebben en welk gemis hieraan ten grondslag ligt. In dit onderzoek zie ik in mezelf, vergeef ik mezelf, corrigeer ik mezelf zodat ik zelf-intimiteit ontwikkel als constante beloning in en als mezelf.

Ik realiseer me dat als ik geen angst ervaar om vergissingen te begaan, ik ook geen angst meer ervaar om te veranderen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf in verandering te laten belemmeren door angst voor het maken van vergissingen en hierin angst voor het missen van een energetische beloning, in plaats van in te zien dat ik zelf als leven het enige werkelijke ben wat ik mis, waardoor ik zoek naar bevestiging voor het vullen van dit gemismet energetsiche ervaringen als beloning die me een vervullend gevoel geven.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel mezelf in te zien in ongemak in het proces van verandering en mezelf hierin te ondersteunen in de adem, in het schrijven, in het zelfvergeven zodat en totdat ik in staat ben de zelfcorrecties toe te passen in/als zelfverandering, waarin ik dicht bij mezelf te blijf in vertraging zodat ik in zelf kan zien en mezelf niet in de kou laat staan door vooruit te rennen in de geest en weg te gaan uit mijn fysiek en de uit de fysieke realiteit.

It-is-time-to-change-reptilians-part-150

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/

Dag 239 – Expressie en de Darm – Uitstel van Opstaan

Dit is een vervolg in een serie blogs “Expressie en de Darm” beginnend bij Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Mental-tiredness-vs-physical-tiredness-atlanteans-part-61

Ik ben gestart met het stoppen van uitstellen van opstaan in de ochtend als ik wakker word. Vanochtend schoot er een gedachte door me heen; ik dacht nog, die moet ik opschrijven; ik had geen papier naast het bed; en ik viel weer 5 minuutjes in slaap. mmm…lol ik weet de gedachte echt niet meer en ik gebruik die toch elke ochtend als excuus. Wat een grap.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb de gedachte die ik als excuus gebruik om op te staan uit bed, te vergeten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb geen pen en papier naast het bed te leggen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb direct op te staan om de gedachte op papier te schrijven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb als ik net wakker ben, mezelf als te moe ervaren om iets op te schrijven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb als ik net wakker ben, mezelf als te moe te ervaren om op te staan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb moeheid als ervaring te creeren door te denken dat ik te moe ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb bang te zijn voor de moeheid die ik ervaar in mijn fysiek, waarin ik bang ben dat er iets kapot gaat als ik te moe ben en toch opsta, in plaats van in te zien dat er iets ‘kapot gaat’ als ik toegeef aan de energie van de gemanifesteerde moeheid aangezien ik hierin toegeef aan de energie van het geest bewustzijn systeem die fysieke substantie gebruikt dus kapot maakt om te overleven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb toe te geven aan de energie van gemanifesteerde moeheid in een geloof dat deze moeheid echt fysiek is, in plaats van in te zien dat de energie van de moeheid van de geest door het draaien van overuren zich fysiek gemanifesteerd heeft.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb me vervelend te voelen als ik toegeef aan de moeheid die ik ervaar als ik moet opstaan en hierdoor het opstaan uitstel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te vergeten te ademen als ik wakker word en in plaats hiervan of in een gedachte te gaan of weer ‘heel even lekker te gaan liggen’ waarin ik weer even in slaap val, waarna het proces zich herhaalt als ik opnieuw wakker word.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb een timeloop in de ochtend te creeren waarin ik niet direct opsta.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb overuren te draaien in de geest in plaats van hier fysiek aanwezig te zijn in de adem.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel iedere avond pen en papier naast mijn bed te leggen.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel in de ochtend te zien welke gedachten er opkomen als excuus om niet op te hoeven staan en deze op te schrijven, zodat ik er over kan schrijven en/of zelfvergevingen en zelfcorrecties op kan toepassen.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de ervaring van moeheid door me heen te laten gaan in plaats van me ertegen te verzetten in/als angst.

Mental-tiredness-vs-physical-tiredness-atlanteans-part-2-part-62

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/