Dag 681 – Bladder infection with a cat

Snoo Kerstlampjes

For a while I noticed that Snoo the white female cat, was sometimes leaving one or two drops of urine when she steps out of the box after doing a pee. Where in I made a remark for myself that if we go for a yearly check up, this should be investigated too. However yesterday, she was sitting near to me and looking at me for a long time and I sensed that something was going on. She also did sleep very long the night before and I saw some urine around her vulva, but because she has a lot of longer hair, I was not sure how that was before, but I remembered it as always being clean. The signs were futile but it were signs and additional and more prominent was my sense of something that needed to be taken on, now, today.

I ended up with going three times towards the fet. First I called and they said that I could bring some urine so that they could test it. They have a package with plastic litter for this to put in the box and when the cat pees, one can easily take out the urine with an injection needle (without the needle). So I picked that up first time, back at home I went upstairs to empty the box and directly after I had emptied it, Snoo was next to me and stepped into the box to do a pee.

Okay that went fast lol. I took it in the injection needle and into a pipet and went back to the vet. They would call me with the result. The result was that their was a bladder infection, there was a little blood in the urine. I could come for a medicine, but the vet strongly advised me to bring the cat with me for further investigation because she found the symptoms a bit strange and the cat is very young (almost 3 years). I found something strange about it too and she had a place the same afternoon. So, third time to the vet this day. This time my neighbour was at home and she was willing to drive with me with her car so we did not need to go on bike through the cold weather. That was great.

I was nervous, I did not expect something physical going on already with the cats. I also thought about the money as usual in this kind of situations but decided to not worry about that and to do what needed to be done and find a solution and arrange the payment. (I do have put aside some extra for these cases but with large amounts I will need to arrange a montly payment).

The physical investigation went well and nothing other serious seems to be going on than bladder infection. My worry was that it was related to her uterus, as how the situation was with the female rabbit that died 2 years ago, eventually from a uterus carcinoom but also at an age around 9. Here I learned a lot about the differences between rabbits and cats, which is very cool to know.

Cats do not easily have a uterus infection and seldom carcinoom if they are sterilised, because the ovaria are taken away and so the hormons that can activate this symptoms of uterus infection are not being produced anymore. It is something that is often happening with female rabbits but not with female cats, she ensured me and so the uterus is not recommended to be taken out as how they often recommend with female rabbits.

Her worry (of the vet) was if the urethra was narrowed and she wanted to check this. This is seen more often with male cats but can be so with female cats. So the vet and I had a different motivation to directly investigate. The urethra was not narrowed, her bladder felt normal by size but was sensitive for the cat when she touched it. Also a stone would not be likely as there was only one line of blood in the urine sample and with a stone, there are mostly more and there also was no grind find in the urine.

I also learned that with cats, a bladder infection is not coming from a bacteria as how it is with guinea-pigs or rabbits (I forgat why this is so). It is coming from an irritation of the bladder-wall (inside). Interesting. I am glad that I did not test things out with for example colloidal silverwater, as this is working when there are bacteria involved so it would not have maken any difference.

So. How comes then that she has a bladder-infection?

20-02-16 - 3Stress? asked the vet. Well she seems relaxed, I said, where I directly mentioned that it might seem so. As when I looked back, she came often sitting next to me when for example Basha the male cat was chasing her. Perhaps she was not so relaxed as it seems. It is not a nervous cat so to speak but that doesn’t mean that she is not experiencing ‘stress‘ inside.

So I asked about some alternatives to reduce the stress for her as I prefer to work with that additionally (natural medicine). Very nicely she came up with additional solutions. So what I start with now is the following:

A medicine to cure the infection for 5 days, as first ofcourse (it is not anti-biotics becasue there is no bacteria involved so it is something to treat the infection). Then Feliway, first as spray because I have that already and when it goes well, the evaporator. I can try out Rescue or other flower remedies but what I start with is a tiny bit of Valerian (also the Cat Mint called). Snoo was lately more often chewing on a Valerian root that I in the beginning, had placed on the ground in between all the toys. Let’s see if we can get her to some relaxation also with Basha around.

20-02-16 - 1In the evening she was going to sleep and I was sitting next to her, giving some hugs. If I trust my communication with her this is what I picked up: she was trying to hold on but she did not manage to do so, of being this ‘tough’ or brave cat (from what I understand towards Basha and/or to hold her stand as the leader and not let it effect her too much), which may be her survival technic (she comes from the street). In fact she is a (physically) little and very gentle cat. I hold her and embodied that she doesnot need to, she is not on the street anymore and Basha is not really doing something (he is challenging her but not hurting). This morning when she looked at me I noticed this as that she ‘warned’ me as needing support.

She is sleeping a lot and it looks like she is more relaxed, which may also be because of the pain being treated as she may have walked with this already for longer. I keep an eye on Basha and he seems to be more gentle. It can be because Snoo is more relaxed herself, it can be because he senses that he needs to be/is asked to be, it can be momentarial for sure and it can also be because of the Feliway!

I bought another cat’s box (well yeah, another one!) as also discussed to place in another space. Let’s see if she will use that and having some rest here for herself, as here Basha can be chasing her now and then. I tried to remove a box I already had but when we were at the vet, Basha did his poo on the ground where the box was normally standing. Maybe he was nervous too because of this new situation where Snoo went out, maybe because his poo was a bit thin this time, or maybe he just wanted the box to keep standing there. So I put it back. Three boxes on a row and one new extra in a different space. (There are at least three recommended for two cats who are having some issues with each other).

Let’s see how we do from here. I learned a lot about cats and diferences with other animals and treatments which I find very interesting. I share them detailed here so that it can be of support for others as well if/when needed.

I have walked self-forgiveness on reactions coming up within me yesterday, as I went into a slide panic inside that I suppressed when I was going to do the practical things. And I did not want to cry at the vet when she explained that with cats it is most likely not related to the uterus. Which was based on a remembrance with the rabbit and me experiencing some relief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have done something wrong because Snoo has ‘already a bladder-infection’ and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for bringing in Basha and wondering if she might have done better alone here, where I did not prefer her to come in alone because I am long days from home for work half time of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the first cat that I had choosen to be here with her, might have fit better than Basha but he went ill and could not be placed and so, I looked for another and I liked Basha although I saw that he might be challenging (where the first information was that he was a she, until he arrived from Egypt).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel heavy as if I have done something wrong by putting two cats together that did not know each other, where it may be causing ‘stress’ that may cause physical consequenses as for example a bladder infection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for putting the cats into this situation, instead of looking practically at the situation as how it is at this moment, that does not look so bad but that needs some direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if a situation needs direction, that I have done something wrong before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘challenges’ are something to better prevent from, instead of seeing them as something to learn from and expand and direct into a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself when I did not all see through in the beginning/on forehand and then place myself at where I am now physically, back into the beginning in my mind as if I could have forseen how things will go or work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed that in an early stage there are physical things going on with the animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will cost me a lot or all the money I have available to support them, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a thought projected as fear in the future as a ‘what if…’ situation in/as my mind and so I commit myself to stop participating in this ‘what if...’ situations as thoughts in/as my mind, to breathe and focus on the current situation that I am physically in.

What I do see is that animals are walking their process too, as how Snoo is showing here for example. Which is at the same time reflecting my process, although it is not ‘because of me’ as animals do not carry the ‘load’ of the care-taker since the Portal opened 2006-2007.

I commit myself to, when and as I go into experiences of guilt or blame towards myself, to stop, breathe and bring myself back to the situation as it is and from here, look into the best possible solutions to walk and if and when experiences keep coming up, go back to writing to release some unseen attachements and energy and while doing this, stabilizing myself more and more and so, becoming more and more able to make decisions from a clear starting-point, that will not give a prediction of how things go but that does give an outcome that I can direct within self-trust and self-satisfaction because it will be more and more aligned with who I can and will be in alignment with and as life itself/within awareness.

I commit myself to walk with the animals equally, to receive their support and give it where needed and within my ability and I commit myself to trust myself and investigate my senses in my interaction with animals, as I have proven more than once to myself that I am in the right direction that something is going on, but that I need to go find out what it is exactly so that I can look for practical solutions and physical support.

I realize that there are many consequences that we cannot yet prevent because of already being programmed/designed and developped through time and I commit myself to keep on investigating if there are other things that can cause stress and/or the bladder-infection and to see how to support.

I commit myself to look into my view on death and a fear of death coming up while walking with animals.

Snoo bed

Cats and Self Discovery

Previous ‘cats-blog’: Dag 664 – Subtile rebellious behaviour of the cat?

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Uil forgive

 

 

Dag 489 – Standing in and as the commitment of Principled Living

huisjeThis weekend I have some days free before starting with all the work related to the new job. I have had a few quiet and a few rough and confronting days with myself. Witneus the rabbit has bladder problems and however I am giving and have given all the physical support I can think of and am able to including advise from the vet and communication with animals, she is not getting better. When I focus on her within the question how I can support, what comes up within me is ‘Live and stand by the Commitment of Principled Living’. So I move on with translating the commitments within a blog. I am more or less scared all the time and have to focus on my breathing and I recognize this from when an animal is about going to die. I am not saying she is, it is still unclear as I have some options with herbs for which I have to wait to get them, however I am not sure if it will be on time and, if it will help anyway. I am not clear on why she is not getting better as tests do not give such a bad result as a bladder-infection and not even that bad. I will move on with making it as comfortable as possible for her and see what I can do.

At the same time I am facing a point where I in the past, made so to speak a huge mistake with influence on my life and that of another human being. I did not stand with and as the principled living and that is coming back at me now (again) in and as my mind. While during that days making this decision I looked it over and over again and found myself unable to stop myself from moving into the direction where I am now. I see it as being unable to stop following my mind within that point because of unclarity within and as myself and so I moved, to make it/myself visible for myself in and as physical reality.  The outcome of making this move was not completely how I wanted it in the end however, I did not do anything to change or stop it and so, did not take responsibility within, because at that moment I felt unable to take responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions and so I created consequenses and dimished/compromised (part of) the life of myself (and the other) within this. It was necessary for myself to start standing on my own feet and this I saw reflected in the other as a point that I kept on reacting on. The whole starting-point was self-dishonest so I openen it up again in totality. So in that way, it was the move to make, to move myself to a place where I could stand up on my own feet to find myself the starting-point of self-honesty.

What I see now what the fear is, is fear for facing the mistakes that I made, where the mistakes are the points of me not standing within and as the principled living of what is best for all. It was a movement out of self-interest mixed with an experience of powerlessness of how to stand on my own two feet and walk things and I eventually decided to make this movement to actually see myself within and as. This self-interest feels as ‘self’ because we as the mind have been integrated within and as our physical body so it literally can feel as ‘going against ourselves’ while doing what is best for all. Not seeing how we are included in this ‘all’ as this ‘all’ does not include ourselves in and as self-interest – from which I feel and so believe that ‘this is me”; this ‘all’ includes me as life which on most levels, I do not know myself in and as and so, I do not see myself as ‘this is who I am’. So I sabotage myself as life when I am not doing what is best for all, when I am not sharing what I have out of fear of loss, because it feels so ‘not right’ to ‘go against myself’ (as how I know myself).

In a later stage we will face what we have choosen to follow and we fear to face this in and as ourselves. Fearing my own fear. This is what we face at death if we do not face it while living on earth and this is what I see coming up everytime an animal dies/is about to die/looks like is going to die and where in I experience an intense fear and nervousness. In this I stand completely alone and this is where I remember Bernard saying: here you stand up or you die.

I fear being alone without Witneus. I fear being really alone and within this, fear myself isolating myself in and as the mind because of this fear of being alone as the only way to face myself. I see myself grasping in and as the mind to search a way to ‘go back’ to the situation that I stopped, as if it was ‘alright’ there. Which was not so actually, as I was strugling with what I am facing now in and as this fear of standing alone which I translated as ‘being alone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to confuse ‘standing alone’ with ‘being alone’ and seeing ‘being alone’ as the only way to come to ‘stand alone’ and within this, isolate myself in and as the mind and creating this in physical reality where in I use several experiences in and as self-interest as an excuse to do so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give and receive unconditional support  – within my living on a long term base as a basic platform to grow and expand from as I understood that standing alone, means being able to stand alone within my living  – and within the fear of being too much influenced by inconsistencies of another and of myself as a reaction on this and vice versa and so, I created inconsistencies within and as myself which triggered the inconsistenced living within another, manifested in physical reality which I used as a reason, justification and confirmation of this inconsistancy that I first triggered and so to not trust the other in this and using it as an excuse to walk out and go ‘my own way’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think over and over again that I ‘could have stayed’ while I appearently could not, where in I underestimate my own mind consciousness system and within this overestimate myself in and as the mind while ‘looking back’ where in I project who I am now on who I was in the past and within this hurt myself over and over again until I find the one point where I really see, understand and so forgive myself for  why, how and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself and another by accumulating consequenses out of fear of being alone instead of walking point by point and sort it out within myself before I get physically involved with someone within my world, which is mainly because I had no tools to work with and commitments to stand within.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be and have more patience and to listen to the other who was bringing up very realistic and practical that walking together as we did takes time.

How can I prevent myself from doing this again, from running away from myself in and as fear, from fearing myself in and as fear? By standing and living in and as the principled living of what is best for all life as a starting-point in self-honesty, even if I do not totally see it within the moment. If there is a doubt that it is not best for all, then I don’t move, don’t make decisions and do more investigation. Until I am clear and stable within. Until I am constant.

It is me standing within and as the commitment of Principled Living as the only ‘one’ I can hold on to.

The Desteni of Living

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