When I was at the Desteni farm eight years ago, Bernard mentioned shortly that I should look at ‘being Dutch’. I recognized something within this but I have not yet actively opened it up with a writing of self-forgiveness on it.
There are things that ‘I like’ about ‘being Dutch’ and things that I ‘don’t like’. I also noticed that I have had a tendency to feel attracted to guys from another country for quite a long period.
A few self-forgiveness to open up this topic for myself from where I can walk it further in my daily life – after opening up within a blog, mostly more opens up within myself to move on with:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel attracted’ to guys from another country above ‘Dutch’ guys, in a way to avoid a daily grind coming in that I define as a ‘Dutch’ grind with working from nine till five and weekends free, same routine every week.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like other cultures and to like the influence of just another cultural input to ‘break the daily grind’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I then put away my responsibility of bringing in myself as a self-expression, where there may be still a routine but not experienced as ‘daily grind’; so more aligned and unique in every moment, every day, not so much to ‘be different’ but more here as self-expression as a new moment each moment, as how animals express themselves every day when I come home, which I do enjoy deeply and so it is not what is bothering me that things are kind of ‘the same’ every day but more that the systematization is taking over.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind taking over my self-expression within a routine and then start reacting to this systematization within myself, projected and / or seeing reflected in another, where I then want to get away from as I experience it as ‘too much systematization’ that is suppressing the life within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that with a foureign guy, the systematization will not take over without seeing, realizing and understanding that different systematizations are taking place, including difficulties in communication with regards to language and culture differences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘being Dutch’ as ‘being civil’ and so I do not want to be Dutch or projected, thinking that I do not want to be with a Dutch guy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself, my opportunities with a connected definition to ‘being Dutch’, without really taking responsibility for my own ‘laying back’ in directing myself effectively every day, within the system but not of the system, with a mind consciousness system existing within me but not being enslaved to it through my own likes and dislikes, fears and comfortzones as a reaction towards systems within and without.
I commit myself to push myself to from moment to moment, to stand up, step forwards and investigate a like or dislike coming up in relation to ‘being Dutch’ or ‘being with a Dutch guy’, to forgive myself for connections being made in word definitions related to ‘being Dutch’, to enable myself to live myself in the moment without labeling myself or another through culture and language and instead, to see beyond and into the potential in every moment, in and as our beingness, in and as life.
I commit myself to, when and as I see an experience of a daily grind coming up, to stop, breathe and look inside myself in what state of mind I find myself in that moment, to on the in-breath, embrace and forgive myself within the specific experience, to ask myself for a word to live, as a support to move myself out of this state, on the out-breath so to speak – holding my cats as an example of whom I never get bored of their expression when I am coming home, day after day.
I commit myself to focus on sound and sounding self-forgiveness, to further investigate the difference between the sound and energy of words, to forgive the connected energy related to words that I do see coming up and to practice sounding self-forgiveness, to eventually find the sound within and as me, expressing myself equal and one, in and as life.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: