Dag 742 – 21. Opportunity to change direction

This blog is related to record 21: Opportunity to change direction

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to change direction and to step into the unknown and within this, knowing that I have somehow ‘missed an opportunity’ for expansion within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not daring to change direction and stepping into a new area, where at the same time, I saw that it may have been too much expansion within the unknown without enough practical and grounded (self-)support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel thorn for so many years between seeing a potential and living a potential and within this, feeling myself as ‘less than’ who I perceive in and as the mind that I can be, without really seeing, realizing and understanding the extensive process that is existing between seeing and living my potential that is not easily stepped in and walked as something that is most challenging for myself and everyone else to really walk in and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think lite’ about the challenging process of stepping into the unknown and within this, letting go of the control of my own mind-programming as ‘that what I know’ and through this ‘thinking lite/light ;-)’, diminishing myself in who I am within walking what I am physically able to in that specific moment and so walk moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through the eyes of my own mind and within this, create a ‘matrix’ or ‘breeding ground’ for ‘feeling less than’ and ‘feeling better than’ others in/as myself within comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself through a separation of my physical stability as ability, within my emotional dependency as inability in/as the mind and so creating this emotional/mind dependency as self-inability in/as the physical and sabotaging and stopping my physical ability as potential to give birth to a child (and to give birth to myself as life as well).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and stop my own physical ability as potential to live, within listening to and living in and as my emotional dependency in/as the mind, instead of stopping my emotinal dependency in/as the mind and stepping into this physical doorway of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself physically and within and as self-expression from a starting-point of fear for the unknown, thinking and believing that I cannot make it, that I will fall into depression and fall apart and crash down if and when I would let go of this emotional dependency in/as the mind as the ‘one and only relationship’ that I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am right and make the right decision when and as I follow that what I know within my emotional dependency in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to hear another advise that is saying that I am allowed to reconsider my decision that I firstly made as a safe ground to walk on, although I do realize somewhere within that moment that I skipp a part of myself to invest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is a possibility to skipp a part of myself to invest and thinking and believing that I ‘do come away with this’ and that I ‘can escape’ somehow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a dream as a ‘consciousness sign’ as a confirmation of my decision in safe ground and to not listen to a practical, physical advise from a friend who is opening up a dimension within and as myself that I have not yet considered, simply because I experience too much fear to open it up and rather stick to consciousness as what know and so, what I believe that I can control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to let go of my limited consciousness system if and when it is not or no longer at my advantage and to want to keep it when and as I think that it is or can be at my advantage and so, separating myself within this conflict of not standing absolute in equality and oneness as what is best for myself as live as a whole, this as a way to avoid the difficult and unknown parts within and as myself to walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to walk around the difficult parts within and as myself, thinking and believing that ‘I do not know how to do this’ but actually to avoid unpleasant experiences within and as myself (that I for example have connected to ‘not knowing how to do this’).

When and as I see myself participating in a thought of ‘I do not know how to do this’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am avoiding an unpleasant experience within and as myself.

I commit myself to allow myself to experience the unpleasant and within this, using the tool of self-forgiveness and breathing, to walk through and see what opens up as possible solution and I commit myself to keep pushing and walking, no matter how slow it goes, no matter how tired I feel or really physically am; this can not be an indication to not push through but even more an indication that I need to keep pushing because ‘going back’, is not an option, where in I realize that this is part of the birthing process of birthing myself as life, in and as the physical, walking through all tge layers of consciousness and taking responsibility for how I have separated myself within all these systemized dimensions.

When and as I see that I ‘think lite’ of the challenging process of stepping into the unknown as no longer following consciousness programming and letting go of a control-mechanism, from myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the theory is easy but really walking it is a different story because in many layers, there are stored unpleasant experiences as moments of an experience of ‘loosing control’ as misunderstanding of what is happening and here I need to walk backwards through these experiences one by one, to be able to forgive as understand myself in this specific experience so that from here, I enable myself to change into a way that is supportive and best for myself and/as others that are involved as well.

I commit myself to keep on supporting myself within the constant and consistent application of breathing, writing and introspection within self-forgiveness as self-understanding and to do this with perseverance, to be able to stand and keep standing within the moment, without taking control in/as the mind and then seeing what opens up, no matter if I fail or fall or apparently not am moving myself and no matter how miserable I experience myself for a while or certain timeframe –  and so, I live and ground myself in and as the word perseverance.

When and as I see myself judging a control-mechanism, from myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that judging in itself is a form of control as the only way that I have learned and seen in and as the mind to try to solve things, when actually the judging in itself keeps the door closed for possible and livable solutions.

I realize that the unpleasant experiences are actually coming from an idea as judgement of how things should be.

I commit myself to start with naming and forgiving the experience that comes up that I find unpleasant, in the moment that I see myself judging a control-mechanism and to name and forgive the idea as judgement within and as myself and I commit myself to first become stable within this and from here, see what needs to be directed within the situation itself that I then can open up without ‘being upset’ and ‘feeling controled’, because then I have already directed myself and so, no longer controling myself with an idea and unpleasant experience and I commit myself to keep on practising this self-stability because,

this in itself is already a change in direction within and as myself and all these little moments of apparently loosing control, are opportunities to change direction, within and as myself.

Previous blog: 20. Searching for the life within me

Next blog: 22. looking back without considering the mind

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Uil forgive

 

Dag 720 – 8. Feeling like ‘going of my path’

This blog is related to record 8: Feeling like ‘going of my path’

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘going of my path’ if I would continue with the pregnancy, coming forward out of a ‘not knowing how’ and an experience of ‘not being able to’ keep standing on my own feet alone when I would continue with the pregnancy as what I did ‘forsee’ in this is me stepping in a relationship that I did not want to step in at that time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like compromising myself if and when I would step in that relationship while continuing with the pregnancy instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I not necessarily would compromise myself by stepping in but that it would depend on ‘who I am’ within and also, that I had already compromised myself from the beginning (by not taking everything into consideration as how I wrote out in a blog before) and so, each a decision would somehow/somewhere compromise a part of myself within physical reality as that part that I did not consider at first but that within this, I could and am able to take responsibility for myself in my initial decision and consequenses, through and as the living of self-forgiveness and while doing so, stop the compromising patterns within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have a ‘path’ that I need to follow without seeing, realizing and understanding that this so called ‘path’ is preprogrammed and determined to keep me in a program in/as the mind consciousness system, if and when I do not stand up and change myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot step in ‘my path’ as a preprogrammed design and so, break off every single thing that I see as ‘my path’ instead of seeing a preprogramming as a design support to show me where and how I have separated myself from myself as the directive principle of who I am, in every situation.

And so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a polarity experience with ‘my path’ of ‘not wanting to step in’ and at the same time, ‘not being allowed to step out’ and within this, keep myself at a point of not changing or expanding anything because of not being able to step in or start anything for myself with regards to relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my experience of depression and within this, having a fear of a post-natal depression if and when I will continue the pregnancy and within this, perceiving myself completely loosing my directive principle within this situation that ‘may happen in future’, if and when I decide to keep the child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that depression in itself is a form of victimization of myself and from here, a form of manipulation of my envirionment that does not go ‘how I want’ and so, I do not see, realize and understand how I make myself dependent on my environment and so, I am pulling myself back from ‘my environment’ as a temptation to keep a form of control in/as the mind as how I perceive who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make ‘who I am’ as my directive principle, dependent on my environment by thinking and believeing that ‘how I feel is who I am’ and so, try to control and manipulate my environment within an experience of depression and from here, decide to follow up this control within and as myself and so, control myself, my pregnancy, my unborn child and the father of the unborn child within a decision to have an abortion as the only way that I see to stand up within this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even say sorry to the father of the unborn child and find it ‘my right’ to make the decision for myself without involving him but only ‘notifying’ him after that I have made ‘my decision’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the pregnancy as something that deep within myself I wanted and wanted to continue and let the child come and do everything possible to stand by and walk with, although the situation is not really what I wanted or actually ‘felt’ like it was not really what I wanted because of experiences of resistance towards the father of the unborn child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own experiences of resistance above life itself and give my experiences and so my mind consciousness system more value than myself and a child and a father and other family, in and as life, by not involving them within my decision making, not on forehand and not afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring myself into a situation where whatever decision I would make, it would have consequenses, this because of following up on two thoughts and making a decision in a split second, made without awareness, meaning, without considering all and everything involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on judging myself and so keep myself prison within thoughts, feelings and emotions, related to bringing myself and/as others into this position of victimization, instead of taking responsibility for myself by forgiving myself and from here, unconditionally letting it go to a point of not creating it again and considering the spark of life that is involved and existing, within and without.

Here to mention that I do see what ‘reasons’ has led to this decision as reasons that are not ‘my fault’ but that are more consequences of how I as a human have accepted and allowed myself to develop as a systematized being, passed from generation to generation without seeing a way to effectively direct myself, which is something that I will take responsibility for further in this series.

When and as I see myself tending to make a decision without involving the ones that are physically involved in a situation, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I try to follow a desire or wished outcome where in I do not consider all dimensions involved.

I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for participating in and believing the desire and wished outcome to be real or best and from here, discuss on forehand the possibilities with the ones that are involved within a situation so that the decision can be made within consideration of as much dimensions involved as possible within that moment.

When and as I see myself participating in a polarity related to a programming within myself, of oneway, not willing to step in and at the same time, feeling like not being able to step out, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I keep myself stuck and waiting in not making and walking a decision, related to wanting a ‘certain outcome’ instead of focussing on ‘who I am’ within ‘what I walk’, where I am not sure of the outcome in future, as an outcome in physical reality is depending on so many dimensions and also others that are involved and also because I may not yet see all dimensions as well.

I commit myself to focus on ‘who I am’ within ‘what I walk’ and within this, see what is best to do within each related moment again and to see what information I may need more to have a more clear sight.

I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for a fear coming up of loosing a certain outcome and within this, forgive myself for a fear (so judgement) of loosing an opportunity of how I perceive how I would experience myself in a certain situation and at the same time, investigate why I fear/judge myself for ‘loosing an opportunity to experience myself a certain way’ and forgive myself accordingly – within the realization that fear and judgement is actually consisting of a thought that is bringing forward certain feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of depression, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not standing in my directive principle but that I am depending ‘how I feel’ on my environment and others around me and that I am not satisfied with certain things within my life and so, within myself.

I commit myself to see what I want/would like from my environment and others around me that I make myself depending on and from here, see how I can bring this back to myself and search for the ‘quality’ or experience within, so that I can bring this quality/experience back to myself, forgive myself for the attached emotions and feelings, see if there is a thought/memory related and from here, redefine it into a living word that I can eventually live as a self-expression and sharing with others in maybe a different way than I initially had attached it towards within and as myself.

I commit myself to investigate what I am not satrisfied with within/as myself and from here, see how I can embrace, make peace with it, forgive and expand myself in this certain area, slowly and in small steps.

14803178_941982469239725_1337681280_o

Previous blog: 7. The moment of truth

Next blog: 8. Ignoring some signs within myself


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Dag 641 – Do you accept the challenge?

Responsibility

Responsibility

Every time I listen to a video or record that people walking with Desteni have recorded, I experience within and as myself a gratefulness and certainty in walking this process of self-forgiveness and change here as myself, together with others to eventually bring about a world that is best for all. Listening to the voices of people who are willing to see, to forgive, to change, to support, to push oneself to walk through difficulties as what is best for self and for all in/as life.

One can say that the speaking is perfect or actually not yet perfect, that one speaks so slow, or fast, or a bit incoherent, looking for words to express what one means, however when one listen to their words, it becomes clear that one is busy to learn and practise to speak within words from a starting-point of self-honesty, to not speak out in thoughts, emotions and feelings but in common sense within seeing what is best for all. The flaws in it, that is showing the process that one is walking. It takes time to practise to speak in equality and oneness within and as self. We are so used to speak out our thoughts and feelings and emotions or maybe we are not used to speak at all.

It makes me quiet to listen to all their voices, to hear the common sense within, to see the self-honesty that one is busy integrating or already has integrated, to know that they are here and walking together alone, taking responsibility for oneself and willing to do so and from here, bring about a world that is best for all.

Here I would suggest to not let oneself distract by a way of speaking that one is not used to listen to as this is only a distraction in/as the mind and by allowing this distraction within, one will miss the message of equality and oneness that is existing within the words in each video or record. There are many video’s with different voices and subjects and there are for sure several that one can start listening to, that speaks directly to yourself without you getting too much distracted.

The distractions will point out the separations in oneself and the resonants in this can be experienced as very uncomfortable, even to the extend that ‘one is not able to listen’. One will be able to listen to all of them once the message within is understood and once one has made the decision to stand within self as what is best for all and walk the process towards this. Until then, there will be video’s and records that one is able to listen to, dependent on the subject and recognizion of the person who is speaking and otherwise there will be thousands of blogs and articles to read and start with.

Here it is not about the name Desteni or about ‘being a member’ but it is about the message that each one is bringing forward while walking the process that is provided by a group of people that work and walk together within principles that are best for all life. It is not about specialty and it actually should be or become a group as large as humanity as a whole. But we did not learn this and someone has to start, and this will be the ones that are able to do so.

Learning to walk within principle as what is best for all live, gives a process to walk through our own mind – where we have separated ourselves extensively from ourselves, this through participation in our own mind in thoughts, emotions and feelings, pictures, ideas and believes and from here we have manifested this mind-participation into the physical and this physical reality. Only when we walk through the separation in/as the mind, we will be able to see and walk beyond, into physical equality and oneness. This to bring about a world that is best for all, where physical equality and oneness means really physical equality and oneness and where there is equality and oneness in/as the physical, this is best for all in/as this physical existense, because it is equal for every one in/as life.

To really understand what this entails, we have to understand how we are build up and programmed, how humanity and life is build up and programmed within systems that we have accepted and allowed to manifest within and without and from here, to understand how we have accepted and allowed to separate ourselves from life and from the physical. The result is very and clearly visible in this world that we all exist in and as today.

So to go back to the source of this creation, we have to go back to ourselves and take responsibility for who we are and have become within this programs and systems, within this separation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, pictures, ideas and believes, in and as our mind consciousness system. This is what walking with Desteni is about. Bringing everything back to self, as the source of this creation, take responsibility for everything that we have created in/as separation and from here, bring about a change that includes everyone and everything, as what is best for all life.

It may sound very ideal, however if one starts within the very small, within oneself, one’s relationships and daily life, it will become more visible why and how a change that is longterm and lasting, will be and become possible from the small to the big.

Who starts today and accepts the challenge?

#‎iamthechangeiwanttoseeintheworld‬

Desteni I Process – Courses

how-thoughts-create-physical-realityHow Thoughts Create Physical Reality

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Uil forgive

 

 

 

 

 

Dag 640 – The mind-body relationship – The relationship with my intestine

healthy relationship

In my buddy-chat the point opened up of redefining my relationship with my intestine. I find this not so easy but during chat some points came forwards as an opening to start looking in this. I start here with some self-forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is wrong that my intestines are a point of cross-reference for myself of where and in what extent actually, I have separated myself from myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I did it all wrong because I have developped/manifested/lived patterns within my intestine where others did not have that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it unfair because there are patterns involved that are passed from generation to generation that are not ‘mine’ from source, however I made them ‘mine’ because I have accepted and allowed them to manifest within myself and lived and manifested and/or integrated them more physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe, expect myself to be able to completely walk through this manifested mind-patterns through my life time and life times before, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I will not know and be sure about me walking through within the ‘finish’ of the intestine-issues being solved completely on a physical level as I do not know to what extend and how deeply it is manifested, however I do see a possibility of getting it better and better and so I walk on and through as what is best and until it is done, although I might not ‘get it done’ in this physical body in the way that I expect this to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I know the reason why I have to walk through this as thinking and believing that I will solve the manifested physical discomforts, while actually yes there may be a reason for me to walk through all this (without making it ‘spiritually’ as ‘more’ in/as the mind) but it might be different then what I think the reason is because I do not yet see the reason behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it does not make sense to walk through this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it does not make sense what I do and here, I am making myself less than who I am/can be in/as live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make sense of what I walk through, this to not fall into an experience of hopelessness and uselessness as ‘never getting through’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will never get through and so, try to make sense of the intestinal discomforts and difficulties as ‘finding reasons for it’ to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find reasons for my intestine to manifest difficulties and discomfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and fight against defining myself as someone who is having/living with a chronical, physical discomfort as a spastic colon with very uncomfortable symptoms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really want to see how deeply physically I have accepted and allowed the thoughts, feelings and emotions to manifest, in and as a fear that if I name myself as someone who has to live with this, I will never come out/come through because I am then in/as a self-definition as physically not alright.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who is physically not alright while I do not know myself like this from birth/childhood and I do see an accumulated pattern in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still define myself as someone who is physically alright and strong while I do not feel myself like that physically when and as my intestine is having difficulties to release from the physical waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I do see the relationship between the mind and the physical and so, I do expect the physical to be solved at once because I do see it interrelated, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have build up patterns within and as myself over time and so it will take time to walk through where I will come to unexplored area’s to explore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that after walking through my own patterns, I have to walk through the patterns that are past through generations, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that walking through ‘my own’ patterns is walking through the patterns past by generation as I made them my own and so, taking responsibility for and as myself in thought, feelings and emotions is taking responsibility for the generation-line in and as the patterns that I have accepted and allowed to live and manifest myself and only this is my responsibility and that what I did not accept and allow to live and manifest and others did, is the other as ‘the owner of the manifestation’ to take responsibility for, as how it is for myself and everyone to take responsibility for our own mind and acceptances and allowances within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than others who do not have physical difficulties/did not manifested them the way I did, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – without comparing myself to others and their process as this is not best for anyone but as a point of self-support – that the quicker I get sick, my possibility of change is quicker.

To be continued

(…) So everything has got Stages of Deliberation. That means, dependency on how much you are Feeding it Energy and obviously in a way when you are Sick it already means you’re at a Point of Change. When you are not Sick and you are Deliberate in your Actions- then you must know: you‘re in Serious Trouble because that means you are very Deceptive, therefore the body will present itself as quite Healthy, and by the Time that you will get Sick, there will be Nothing you can do, because you are very Deceptive and therefore it’ll take a Longer time to Get Sick. The Quicker you get Sick- the Better it means it is for you, because your Possibility of Change is Quicker. The Longer it takes you to get Sick that means, the more Healthy you are, the more Deceptive you are. If you are living in this World, you have a lot of Money, you are very Healthy, very Happy – Big Shit in your Future. (…)

From: Interviews from the farm 60: Candida and Self Abuse

 

Self-care-1

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

—————————————————————————————————————————

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
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Uil forgive

 

 

 

 

 

Dag 626 – “Hey, I have changed!”

change-gifI was reading a few old blogs from myself where in I walked a process with the animals. Here I have written pretty much about how I ignored life in a point at a crucial moment and how I did not accept that anymore from/as myself.

Now, more than a year later when reading back, I see that I really walked through this point and changed myself within. I am not deliberately ignoring points anymore by going into my mind. I am not saying that I am aware all the time, that is still a process that I am walking. But I see that within the point of ignorance of my responsibility in a certain moment I have seen what I did wrong, I faced myself within, I have written it out, walked through the experiences coming up within myself, forgiven myself, written the corrective statements and most important, made the absolute decision to change in this point and from here, I changed.

I notice that when I am at a point of really seeing what I have accepted and allowed within myself, facing myself within the unacceptable and understanding what it contains, what system I am participating in, in/as the mind as distraction from myself and within this understanding / forgiving myself – from here the decision is absolute, it is enough and enough is enough and from here, I change in real time, immediately and it is simply not an option anymore to live out  the destructive pattern again. There are moments coming up where I have to push myself through and do things that I ‘do not prefer or like’ and there may be mistakes that I make and need to forgive and correct myself in and deeper dimensions can/will come up to investigate, but it is not an option to not doing it or to even consider to not doing what is needed to be done within this point.

And from here I become more quiet, more satisfied with myself. In this way I build in and as self-trust and from here I can take on the next point, and the next and the next. And this innitiate point is not an issue anymore, it is not a problem anymore but it is something that I decided to live and that I from here, live and integrate in what I live/how I live/who I am.

And this is very cool to notice. Not because ‘it is so cool and wonderful that I have changed‘ but because it is so cool that I have changed within/as this point, which contains that I am not living this destructive pattern/behaviour anymore where in I hurted myself and another as life.

Here I see the effectiveness of walking this process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrections together with walking this application in real time moments and integrating this as a ‘way of living’ as what is best for all in/as life. It are the very painful moments where real shame comes up, where in I face myself and if I dare to look, to see myself, to experience the pain and shame, to forgive and to admit to myself that I did it badly wrong; these moments I have found as the turning-points to immediate, real change that will function as stepping-stones to walk on and to keep on walking and forgiving/changing myself while moving through the challenging times.

Here the words ‘change is possible’ become true as real for/as myself and from here I start ‘believing’ as seeing that change is possible, where it is not an assumed/accepted believe in/as the mind but a living proof in/as myself that I walk and integrate and after several time walking, I notice: ‘hey, I have changed within this point and I am living this change without it being a mountain in my head to look up to’.

So for this, I really recomment Desteni I process and walking this process for yourself together within a group of people as mutual support, as support for and as life to stand up for what is best for all. Which includes everyone and everything.

full_robot-virgins-together-alone

Download this great song, it’s free. Let’s decide and learn to stand together alone.

Read: The Secret to Self-Realisation.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

 

Dag 247 – Expressie en de Darm – Shame and Change

Where did I experience Real Shame? After giving a comment, a few months ago, which was totally out of line. I did not see that this was out of line at the moment I gave the comment – if I would have seen it, I would not have given it. I actually was pretty much ‘convinced’ that it was the right thing to say. I had to be corrected in this by others, and in the evening of the day that the comment and correction took place, I suddenly saw it: shit, what have I done; who the fuck did I think I was. Real Shame which last 3 days. In the moment of Shame I changed per direct/directly/immediately and I took a stand to not do this again. And I did not. It is simple not anymore who I am.

This moment changed my entire attitude towards all people who are so called not active in proces in co-working with Desteni, on which I reacted before this event regular and with whom I had regular small conflicts in this and /or within myself; I was angry all the time. Also this conflicts did not come back after this change. I have become much more quiet, more silent inside within this one point and more humble towards the process we walk and towards people who are walking in a different stage in process.

Than was this answer that I gave so totally wrong? It was not really totally wrong, as it was totally given as knowledge and information. What happened in this is that I gave my knowledge what I saw within a writing, without taking in consideration where the person came from and within this without taking the person self in consideration. It was also an answer of which I was not able to walk this in detail with the person, if this would have been the question from the person. So in a short way said, I didnot take care of the person as a human, but I stated as knowledge and information what I saw in the writing and planted this on the plate of the person without taking care of the continuation of the steps within the process of the person. With the effect that others had to take care of this continuation.

As soon as I give an answer, I make myself respondible for what I have said and so also for answering the eventual questions (when neccesary with support from others which I need to direct) that are coming up within this within the other. Within this, I need to Consider on Forehand if I am able to do this. Am I not able to take responsibility for my words and for answering the questions – alone or with support – than it is an answer out of knowledge and information and in this case, I am bringing more damage als energetic reactions within the person than that I support within stopping and/or seeing into the energetic reactions in/as self.

Most striking in this was that I really did not see what I was doing, until that moment. So I did not see myself in and as knowledge and information. Next striking point within this is, that as soon as I saw it, I experienced the Shame, and within this I changed directly. This is how fast a real change can take place. Where there are points that I am for years, no decade years, am struggling with, and where in I do not change. I struggle, I make excuses, I justify, I try again, maybe on a different way, I postpone etc. And Shame? Not Really. If I feel Really in this, I feel nothing, as Maya is describing in one of her blogs. Not a nothing of silence, but a nothing of ‘flatten’  and indifference. Which is an experience that I carry with me for a long time. Within this the Real Shame took not place and so I am not Changing for Real. Let’s move on in this. With the peeling off the layers of Indifference  and with widen this point of Change to more areas and relationships within myself and within my life.

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Related blogs and vlog about Shame:

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/03/sudden-and-unexpected-physical-shame.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Are You Ashamed of Humanity?

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Dit is een vervolg in een serie blogs “Expressie en de Darm” beginnend bij Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Waar heb ik Werkelijke Schaamte ervaren? Na het geven van een comment, een paar maanden geleden, welke totally out of line was. Ik had niet door dat dit zo was op het moment dat ik een comment gaf – als dat wel zo was geweest had ik het niet gegeven. Ik was er zelfs behoorlijk van ‘overtuigd’ dat het het juiste was om te zeggen. Ik moest hierin gecorrigeerd worden door anderen, en die avond van de dag van correctie drong het opeens tot me door: shit, wat heb ik gedaan; wie dacht ik wel niet dat ik was. Volledige schaamte die 3 dagen duurde. In dit moment van schaamte veranderde ik per direct tot een standpunt om dit niet nog eens zo te doen, in geen enkel moment. En dat heb ik ook niet meer gedaan. Het is simpel niet meer wie ik ben.

Dit moment heeft mijn hele houding ten opzichte van alle mensen veranderd die zogezegd niet actief het proces wandelen in samenwerking met Desteni, waar ik eerder op reageerde en waarin regelmatig conflict ontstond, in mezelf en/of met de ander; ik was de hele tijd boos. Ook deze conflicten zijn niet meer terug gekomen, en ik ben sindsdien veel rustiger geworden, stiller van binnen ten aanzien van dit ene punt en nederiger ten opzichte van het proces dat we wandelen en ten opzichte van een persoon in een ander stadium in dit proces.

Was het dan zo’n verkeerd antwoord wat ik gaf? Het was niet zozeer totaal verkeerd, als wel totaal in kennis en informatie gegeven. Wat hierin gebeurde is dat ik hierin mijn kennis gaf over wat ik in een schrijven zag, zonder in overweging te nemen waar de persoon vandaan kwam. Ook gaf ik een antwoord waarin ik niet in detail met de persoon zou kunnen wandelen als dat de vraag zou zijn geweest. Kort gezegd nam ik geen zorg voor de persoon zelf, maar deelde mede wat ik als kennis en informatie zag in het schrijven van een persoon en plantte dit even bij de persoon neer zonder zorg te dragen voor de verdere weg van de persoon hierin. Met tot gevolg dat anderen dit op moesten vangen.

Zodra ik een antwoord geef maak ik mezelf verantwoordelijk voor hetgeen ik gezegd heb en dus ook voor het antwoorden van eventuele vragen die hierin omhoog komen bij de ander. Hierin dien ik dus Van Tevoren in Overweging te nemen, of ik dit kan (indien nodig met ondersteuning van iemand anders waarin ik dit richting geef). Ben ik hier niet toe in staat – alleen of met support – dan is het een antwoord uit kennis en informatie, en breng ik meer schade toe als energetische reacties in de persoon dan dat ik iemand ondersteun in het stoppen en/of inzien van de energetische reacties.

Het meest opvallende vond ik dat ik werkelijk niet had gezien, tot dan toe, wat ik hierin deed. Ik zag mezelf dus niet in en als kennis en informatie. Het volgende opvallende is, dat zodra ik het zag, ik de Schaamte ervoer, en hierin per direct veranderde. Zo snel kan een werkelijke verandering dus plaatsvinden. Terwijl er punten zijn waar ik al jaren, of nee tientallen jaren mee loop te stoeien en waarin ik niet verander. Ik stoei en ik maak excuses en ik rechtvaardig en ik probeer het nog eens op een andere manier en ik stel uit, etc. En Schaamte? Niet Werkelijk. Als ik Werkelijk voel hierin, voel ik niets, zoals Maya ook in haar blog beschrijft. Geen niets van stilte, maar een niets van afvlakking en onverschilligheid. Een ervaring die ik al heel lang op de achtergrond bij me draag. Hierin is de Werkelijke Schaamte dus nog niet doorgedrongen en dus Verander ik niet Werkelijk. Let’s move on in this. Met het afpellen van lagen van Onverschilligheid en met het verbreiden van dit punt van Verandering tot meerdere gebieden en relaties in mezelf en in mijn leven.

Desteni Artists

Eqafe Store

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/

Dag 234 – Expressie en de Darm – Eten Klaarmaken

Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Dag 233 – Expressie en de Darm – Patroon Verwachting Geloof

Als ik in een periode last ervaar van mijn darmen, waarin de stoelgang eruit wil en tegelijkertijd wordt vastgehouden, ervaar ik ’s ochtends een gevoel van walging bij het eten klaar maken welke ik mee neem naar werk. Deze ervaring gaat even door me heen, en ik heb mezelf aangeleerd deze gelijk te stoppen en gewoon het eten klaar te maken. Ik heb mezelf uberhaupt aangeleerd gewoon te eten, wat er ook aan de hand is, of ik nou honger heb of niet. Maar laat ik met dit ene punt beginnen. Ik weet niet of het een stoppen of een onderdrukken is van deze ervaring van walging. En wat is de ervaring van walging eigenlijk?

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb een moment een ervaring van walging door me heen te voelen gaan als ik eraan denk dat ik zo het eten klaar moet maken om mee te nemen naar werk.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb in deze ene ervaring van walging al op te geven, al opgegeven te hebben zelfs, maar in een moment besluit ik deze geen aandacht te geven en ga ik gewoon eten klaarmaken en al het andere doen wat moet gebeuren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb opluchting te ervaren als ik het eten klaar heb gemaakt en al het andere heb gedaan wat nog moet gebeuren, waarna ik kan gaan zitten en even kan gaan schrijven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb verdriet te ervaren in het moment van walging wat ik ervaar als ik bedenk dat ik zo meteen eten klaar moet maken om mee te nemen naar werk.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb bang te zijn voor de gedachte in mij ‘nee he niet weer’, als ik  ’s ochtend last ervaar van mijn darmen en ik eten moet gaan klaarmaken om mee te nemen naar werk.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf een slachtoffer te voelen van de tweestrijd die ik in mijn darm ervaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb tweestrijd in mijn darm te ervaren, waarin de ontlasting met kracht eruit geduwd wil worden en waar de ontlasting met dezelfde kracht wordt tegen gehouden, totdat dit zo vaak gebeurtdat de prikkel tot ontlasten minder en minder wordt en er alleen nog maar een tegen houden en op het laatst een stilte is, waarin het lijkt of er helemaal niets meer gebeurt en of de ontlasting nooit meer eruit zal en wil komen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren voor de tweestrijd die ik ervaar in mijn fysiek, waar ik geen invloed op lijk te hebben maar waaraan ik volledig overgeleverd sta of zit toe te kijken, wanhopig van het ongemak en de ervaring van machteloosheid.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te ervaren dat ik geen invloed lijk te hebben op de tweestrijd in mijn darm van eruit duwen en vasthouden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb volledig overgeleverd te staan of zitten toekijken of eigenlijk meer ‘toevoelen’ naar de ervaring van eruit duwen en vasthouden in mij.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb me wanhopig te voelen van het ongemak en de ervaring van machteloosheid die ik ervaar in de tweestrijd van het eruit duwen en vasthouden van de ontlasting.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb verdrietig te zijn als ik niet lekker kan eten ’s middags maar in plaats hiervan pijn en verdriet ervaar bij iedere hap die ik neem, waardoor ik niet uitkijk naar de maaltijd maar wel moet eten om mezelf staande te houden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb pijn en verdriet te ervaren bij iedere hap die ik neem als ik in een periode last ervaar van een tweestrijd in mijn darm van de ontlasting eruit duwen en vasthouden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb uit te kijken naar de maaltijd als afwisseling van de dag.

(hierover volgt een apart blog).

Als ik in mezelf een moment de ervaring op zie komen van walging bij het eten klaarmaken/de gedachte aan het eten klaarmaken voor de middag, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik stop even waar ik mee bezig ben, ik ga even op mijn hurken zitten en omarm mezelf. Ik ervaar wat er is, misschien verdriet, pas indien nodig een zelfvergeving toe en/of adem door de ervaring heen, laat de ervaring helemaal door me heen gaan zodat ik er gelijk aan kan gaan staan.

Ik realiseer me in dit schrijven dat ik walging als angst ervaar voor de ervaring van machteloosheid tegenover de tweestrijd in mij, en hierbij direct het opgeven. Ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik in dit moment nog geen invloed heb op de tweestrijd in mijn darm, aangezien het al gemanifesteerd is/ik het al gemanifesteerd heb op zo’n moment en ik de consequentie wandel; maar ik heb wel invloed op het participeren of stoppen in een ervaring van machteloosheid en opgeven. Ik adem, totdat de ervaring van verdriet, machteloosheid en opgeven wegebt en start met het eten klaarmaken of ga door met de andere bezigheden in de ochtend.

Ik realiseer me dat ik angst vermomd als walging ervaar voor het herhalen van deze ervaring. Op een dag waarin ik de ontlasting vasthoud in deze tweestrijd, komt deze ervaring keer op keer terug doordat de ontlasting op de opgeslagen ervaring duwt. Dit geeft een enorme strijd in mij waarin ik me ga wapenen tegen deze ervaring door de dag heen.

Ik realiseer me dat dit wapenen een verzet is die de ervaring van strijd geeft en dus de tweestrijd in mezelf als ervaring – welke nu fysiek gemanifesteerd is als consequentie – versterkt. Ik adem. Iedere keer dat de ervaring opkomt stop ik even waar ik mee bezig ben, ik adem in, ik adem in de ervaring en zie wat er opkomt, pas eventueel een zelfvergeving toe en adem uit, en laat los. Ik ga door totdat de ervaring wegebt, en ga dan door met waar ik mee bezig ben. Ik geef mezelf richting in de adem en dat is alles wat ik doe in dit moment.

Ik erken dat dit een enorme uitdaging is aangezien ik dit patroon al jaren ervaar en hierin niet werkelijk onderzocht heb wat er speelt in mij aangezien ik geen gereedschap had om mezelf hierin richting te geven.

Ik erken dat het oneerlijk is dat ik mijn geest fysiek gemanifesteerd heb en hierin fysieke pijn en ongemak, en dat dit over het algemeen bepaald is in het DNA hoe we de geest manifesteren. Hierin realiseer ik me tegelijkertijd dat ik het hiermee moet doen, dat ik niets anders kan dan dit proces wandelen en mezelf oppakken hierin. Ik ben de enige die dit kan en die hierin beslist, onafhankelijk van de oorzaak. Iedereen heeft een programma mee gekregen en dit gemanifesteerd. Het programma hebben we niet gekozen, en hierin ligt de ervaring van oneerlijkheid. Echter, de gelijkheid ligt in het feit dat we allemaal een programma hebben en dat we hierin allemaal een enorm zwaartepunt hebben die we door zullen moeten wandelen, waarin we onszelf hebben toegestaan dit programma en hierin het zwaartepunt in eerste instantie te manifesteren en creeren. Dit is het mijne.

It-is-time-to-change-reptilians-part-150

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com / http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life