Dag 746 – 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?

This blog is related to record 25: Can a decision be wrong or right?

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at decisions or actually ‘choices’ in the past as if it was ‘wrong or right’ where in I then again go into a polarity where in I see that the whole situation is actually not coming from a starting-point of consideration and care of all aspects within myself and so not ‘best for all participants’ so from here, I create a situation where in I need to make a decision that, whatever I ‘choose’ to do, it will have consequences in some way, because my starting-point was not aligned within and as self-care and care for life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘wrong and right’ outcome through already being separated within and as my starting-point when and as I am coming from a point of self-interest, in which I can only exist if and when I have separated myself from myself, from life, from self-care and from care for life as a whole, meaning, when I have separated myself from considering all aspects and participants before moving myself in a certain direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand with myself in where I am at a certain moment within my process and instead, start judging my choices and actions in the past as being ‘right or wrong’ and so, keeping myself within a state of judgement for longer than necessary, instead of immediately going into self-forgiveness and so taking responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist in, in and as the mind in a certain moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and keeping myself victimized, within judging my choices and decisions in the past, instead of using the consequences to face myself from a point of self-support and so, immediate and when I am able to, going into the living of self-forgiveness as an understanding of myself and where I come from and within doing so, I take responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist and existed in – separation in thoughts, words and deeds – and within this expansion of self-responsibility, I create a platform for myself to from now on do it different and with more and more consideration for myself in all aspects and for life as a whole in all aspects.

When and as I see myself going into searching for a ‘wrong or right’ for choices I have made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I here lengthen my own process as it does not make sense to create a polarity (in judging something as ‘wrong or right’) within myself from what I already existed in as a polarity.

I commit myself to find the point within myself that I did not consider myself in all aspects and life as a whole (or all participants) and where in I have influenced my starting-point into a state of separation as well and I commit myself to be self-honest within this, to face the dark aspects of self-interest, of fear, of protection and defence-mechanism that I have created as a way to try to control my environment and from here, to unconditionally forgive myself and embrace the shame and when I have been able to, to then unconditionally let it go so that I can move on within this new and expanded expression of responsibility within and as myself.

When and as I see myself searching for ‘what to do’ within a decision-making and then looking for what is ‘wrong or right’ in this, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not totally clear within myself on where I stand or that I am not yet able to stand for what I see that is best for myself in all aspects.

I commit myself to embrace myself within the fear and control-mechanisms that I have created and to forgive myself unconditionally in what I see as a ‘weakness’ within me to from here, move through the experiences of fear and control in every day life, step by step, moment by moment and in every moment again, seeing what is best to do, to say or maybe to not do and say and I commit myself to support myself in this through receiving perspectives from others as well, as a support and cross-reference for myself in where I stand.

Previous blog: 24. Expecting another chance

Next blog: 26. A worst nightmare scenario


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Uil forgive

Dag 745 – 24. Expecting another chance

This blog is related to record 24: Expecting another chance

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect another chance and for this, not consider all dimensions as if it was only this moment, this one possibility that I have, to walk this opportunity that arised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually postpone an opportunity to give birth to life of a child, expecting that I would get another chance in a ‘better’ situation where I was better prepared, where this does not mean that I made the ‘wrong decision’ so to speak but more, that I better could have taken everything into consideration that I was able to at that moment and from here, making a well-considered decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on cycling in emotional experiences, related to a decision in the past and from here, wanting to ‘have another chance, to do it over’ so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is all a distraction from myself being here and creating my potential and effect that I can have for myself and others as well in this life, in and as care, from a starting-point of self-care and living this as an example and that this whole experience – it is not so much about the outcome in what I decided but more about what an impact it has had on my life that I can learn from and take with me, to prevent myself making the same ‘mistake’ again as a ‘missing’ of considering myself in all aspects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to by expecting another chance, not living my life and myself as if it is the one life and moment that I have, here and today and using what is here to support myself and others to learn to live as carefull human beings, no matter if we make mistakes or missing a chance: this one aspect is what I can live in every moment again and again, as a decision of who I am and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement and an expectation of another chance, as an excuse to not consider myself, here and now as a whole and so, to not give myself the opportunity to live and express myself in all aspects of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself tending to postpone something that I fear to step into or towards, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I need to support myself and walk closer with and as myself so that I do not feel so lost within an emotional experience of fear.

I commit myself to stand closer with and as myself, to stand for what I see as principled living within and to walk with me, as me, slowly but surely forward with the support of breathing, self-forgiveness and living words as tools that I always have with me, in every situation and I commit myself to look more closely within myself what I fear and how to embrace myself in this and at the same time, how to push myself to move with and as the fear and what I fear within.

When and as I see myself repeating myself within emotions about a decision that I made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am focussing too much on the result, where in I miss myself in who I am and what I have learned in this specific moment and decision making and consequence.

I commit myself to forgive what I see as emotional and feeling attachement towards a desired result and instead, see how I that what I desire, can bring back to myself in my current reality in who I am now and see how I can bring myself here in expression with the support of the living and embodiment of a word and so, bring the desire in and as energy in and as the mind – to bring this back to my physical body into a practical and possible self-expression that is best for myself, my body and from here, for this physical life as a whole.

Previous blog: 23. Abusive relationships and dependency

Next blog: 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?


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Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 590 – The mind-body relationship – Self-limitation

bloemknop-van-klaproos-425491

Since a few weeks I am looking into a decision to start a project at work where some coaching of a student is involved, this on request of a young student. It is new so it takes some time to investigate all the possibilities and official requirements. After considering and discussing the possibilities, I still tend to not step in, I have reasons for this and the reasons are subscribed within the conversations with colleques. However, the student does not agree with this stand and actually, when I look deep into myself, I also do not agree with myself on this stand. So I hesitate but still round it off in conversations, however within my head, it is not round off, no matter how much reasonable subscriptions I find within myself.

I recognize this pattern because I have written/am still writing a whole mind-construct about this pattern of ‘subscribing my decisions with reasons and justifications’ and walking the correction on paper and in real time (related to a different subject). So after the final conversation to round it off, I sink within myself and feel very shitty about the situation. The decision that I have made, is not best for everyone and so, also not best for me. It hurts. I hurt myself in this (and perhaps I have hurted another, however that is not to me to conclude). What I do know and experience is that I hurt myself. Not in an emotional way, but in a way of seeing that my decision and action is limiting myself in my expansion and from here, I can be sure it is of influence and limitation on another in their expansion.

To correct this, I have to make phonecalls, first to get some more information and second to discuss if I can reconsider my decision. Within this, I have to admit that I hesitate and that I was not sure about myself in/as my decision and I have to show this to the ones that I call. Here in is the risk that they do not ‘take me serious anymore’ because I hesitate too much, however then the door will yet close. This is not the case. The one who has to make some official arrangements is willing to re-open the case and after this, the situation will be fast arranged. He asks for my motivation, I describe this the best I can and he agrees with me. And that is that.

Here I go immediately to living the correction because I have walked the writing and self-forgiveness of this construct already extensively as I mentioned in writing out a whole mind-construct with the support of a buddy and I basicely/already see the mind-construct playing out within myself in/as the mind; I have taken the time to investigate and discussed the possibilities within this current situation, I have first established a stable situation at work during the last weeks and I have seen within myself that I am able to direct this situation and to (learn to) apply some coaching activities together with a collegue who is also willing to do so.

My physical experiences in this whole event are as follows:

When I finally ‘round off’ in a way where in I did not consider for everyone what is best, I started to sink more and more in my body towards an experience of paralysing. I notice that it is a state that I did not enter for quite some time, which is an indication for me that lately I am pretty much moving myself in agreement with myself in consideration of all members as what is best (which I can check within myself by seeing if I apply that which I am able to at my utmost potential for this moment/in the stage where I am). I directly notice again how limiting it is to not do so and how within not moving myself as what is best, is influencing myself in every area of my life. Because if I am not standing in and as this starting-point of considering all living beings involved and applying that what I am able to, then who am I to ask such a thing from another. And here, I will allow myself to hold back, because otherwise I would not live what I speak. I cannot speak/ask to do what is best/what one is able to and not do it myself. So basicely I bring down myself in every aspect of what I actually decide to stand for and as and within this, feeling unworthy to speak up.

From here I become emotional and easily ‘swept away’. I become depressed and feel the pressure of the emotions around the heart-area which influences the left-upper corner of the large intestine, in the area of the spleen and heart. (In the iridology there is a line that they call the ‘splean-heart line’ where in the relation between the spleen/digestion and heart is noticed as of influence on each other). A deep cry comes out of my chest-area and then it becomes more quite inside myself and I decide to place the correction in and as a living action.

After correcting myself in the living action and actually already after making this decision to do so, the depression and paralysing immediately start decreasing and after a while, I notice some warmth and better circulation around the heart-area in a way that I did not have before. This area always feels ‘harmed’ and constricted and now there is coming some warmth in it which feels physically great, as a release. I did not specificely know/see how it was related to this self-limitation of not doing what is best and how not doing what is best, actually is the self-limitation in Itself.

Why did I not do this immediately? Because of fear of not being able to direct the situation; out of fear to take the lead as responsibility for and as this situation and out of fear of it all ‘being too much’ for me together with other responsibilities and fear to physically collaps within this.

I noticed from the beginning that I am the ‘decisioning-factor’ in this, and that I hold and determine the outcome and the direction is my responsibility within the situation that I bring this new element into; I cannot allow to influence this ‘new element’ in a so to speak ‘negative’ way within and as the situation that I work in within the system. So, I have to stand in and as self-trust, meaning enough trust to direct the situation, otherwise it doesn’t make sense to make a decision purely based on knowledge and information ‘as what is best’, as this holds the risk of over-estimating myself which in the end, is not best for all involved but more a ‘risk’ to everyone involved, including myself and the working-area.

It seems such a small example which is of influence on one being and we easily ‘sweep away’ the importance of this influence with reasons and justifications in/as the mind. However, every one needs someone who is reaching out and making some arrangements possible, to learn and expand oneself in. It is not so easy these days to make a living in the system, to find a place to develop oneself. This is the main motivation for me to step in, because what I have seen is that if I am not doing this, this opportunity will close off, for both of us. That doesn’t mean that the life of another and/or myself is dependent on only my/this decision as we all have our own self-responsibility and ability to forgive and correct ourselves and make decisions again and other doors will open, however this one opportunity is here.

There is still a better warming circulation in the left-area which moves on to my left-shoulder and left-arm. The situation has to be directed from now after receiving a respons from the student.

Within this I have to mention that I have some physical support from a ‘remedy’ that is alligned with the current state of my body that is coming from a bio-resonance consult that (together with other symptoms) showed how the heart-area was affected in it’s circulation. This alligned remedy is bringing my body-functions into a state of rebalancing and movement where in it can recorrect itself, so my body in itself is of support at the moment. However I have to see, investigate, forgive, correct and change the mind-constructs in real time, to establish a correction that is lasting for and as myself, in and as my physical body.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

self-seed-4-new-earth-andrew

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
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Dag 297 – Expressie en de Darm – The Inner Test

I had a chat with my buddy from the dip-pro course yesterday; I said I was irritated and my intestines feel cramped and irritated, and he asked:  Irritated intestines. So what is the inner test?

The Inner Test. This makes the irritated intestine more tangible.

Slapen cliparts

Problem:

I still sleep too long, and in relation to sleep I have created and build up several, well many limitations for and about myself. One of them is fear of tiredness. Not just fear of the experience – which I experience physical, as it is not really physical in source but it manifested in a physical experience – but also fear that if I do not listen to this tiredness and push through, I will ‘break down’ something in the physical and do harm to the physical.

Which of course is vice versa, the information I turned around in/as the mind, as by over sleeping and generating energy within this and judging myself for this, I actually harm the body, as the participating in/as the mind is what is doing harm to the body and not the pushing through lol.

Solution:

To write out the related topics to sleep and the patterns and fears that I created around sleep; investigate them, forgive myself the patterns and correct myself in this where in I create the ability for myself to stand up in this patterns and fears related to sleep within the support of myself.

Reward:

Having no more sleep than 6 hours and within this having more time to write and do the other daily tasks in combination with the job outside the house, and within this being satsified with myself in pushing myself to do as much as possible and so to push myself slowly but surely to the utmost potential of what I am capable of, which is the real inner test.

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Let’s make a general start:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the physical experience of being tired, where in all my muscles feel so heavy and powerless, where in my eyes just want to close, where in I experience my whole body as just wanting to lay down and go back to sleep, where in I experience myself as unable to stand up, to put aside the blankets, to experience the cold, to sit down on the side of the bed, to breathe, to drink some water, to stand up and go to the bathroom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning after 5.5 – 6 hours sleep, just before the alarm goes off, and not wanting to stand up, altough in that moment I do not feel tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start creating a thought after the alarm goes off, and from this thought see the moment where I make the decision to stand up immediately or to lay down for a while and wait again for the snooze-function of the alarm which is 10 minutes later, believing that I only will lay down 10 minutes, but every morning repeating this pattern from in between time of 20 minutes till 1 hour, and so within this spend up to 1 hour more in bed, after which I stand up, already irritated by myself that I did it again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every night make the resolve to stand up immediately when the alarm goes off next morning, and really feeling like ‘this time I am really doing it’, and next morning again make the decision to procrastinate the standing up and using the snooze function of the alarm, for a short or a longer time, but snoozing is snoozing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe – although I know I lie to myself –  that short snoozing like 10 or 20 minutes is okay, and only long snoozing is not okay, not using the common sense in this that there is no ‘in between’ in making a decision, and as long as I am standing in between, I allow myself to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as an addict every morning with regards to the decision of standing up immediately after the alarm goes off, in which I use excuses that are really no different of the excuses that a drug-or alcohol addict uses every time, every day with regards to the decision to stop drinking and/or doing drugs.

To be continued

De serie Expressie en de Darm begint bij Dag 232  – (inclusief Disclaimer)

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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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