Dag 745 – 24. Expecting another chance

This blog is related to record 24: Expecting another chance

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect another chance and for this, not consider all dimensions as if it was only this moment, this one possibility that I have, to walk this opportunity that arised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually postpone an opportunity to give birth to life of a child, expecting that I would get another chance in a ‘better’ situation where I was better prepared, where this does not mean that I made the ‘wrong decision’ so to speak but more, that I better could have taken everything into consideration that I was able to at that moment and from here, making a well-considered decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on cycling in emotional experiences, related to a decision in the past and from here, wanting to ‘have another chance, to do it over’ so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is all a distraction from myself being here and creating my potential and effect that I can have for myself and others as well in this life, in and as care, from a starting-point of self-care and living this as an example and that this whole experience – it is not so much about the outcome in what I decided but more about what an impact it has had on my life that I can learn from and take with me, to prevent myself making the same ‘mistake’ again as a ‘missing’ of considering myself in all aspects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to by expecting another chance, not living my life and myself as if it is the one life and moment that I have, here and today and using what is here to support myself and others to learn to live as carefull human beings, no matter if we make mistakes or missing a chance: this one aspect is what I can live in every moment again and again, as a decision of who I am and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement and an expectation of another chance, as an excuse to not consider myself, here and now as a whole and so, to not give myself the opportunity to live and express myself in all aspects of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself tending to postpone something that I fear to step into or towards, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I need to support myself and walk closer with and as myself so that I do not feel so lost within an emotional experience of fear.

I commit myself to stand closer with and as myself, to stand for what I see as principled living within and to walk with me, as me, slowly but surely forward with the support of breathing, self-forgiveness and living words as tools that I always have with me, in every situation and I commit myself to look more closely within myself what I fear and how to embrace myself in this and at the same time, how to push myself to move with and as the fear and what I fear within.

When and as I see myself repeating myself within emotions about a decision that I made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am focussing too much on the result, where in I miss myself in who I am and what I have learned in this specific moment and decision making and consequence.

I commit myself to forgive what I see as emotional and feeling attachement towards a desired result and instead, see how I that what I desire, can bring back to myself in my current reality in who I am now and see how I can bring myself here in expression with the support of the living and embodiment of a word and so, bring the desire in and as energy in and as the mind – to bring this back to my physical body into a practical and possible self-expression that is best for myself, my body and from here, for this physical life as a whole.

Previous blog: 23. Abusive relationships and dependency

Next blog: 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

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Dag 727 – 14. Examples of ‘trying to make it up’

This blog is related to record 14: Examples of trying to make it up

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically step in a relationship through having sex in an early stage and within this, ‘bounding’ myself emotionally to this other one where in I feel like I am already too far in and as if I cannot step back anymore and first investigate what the possibilities are of really stabnding and walking with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am able to have a sexual interaction without having clarity about a commitment towards each other as in a relationship/agreement and so from here, keep on stepping in physically and committing physically in a way, without first investigating the possibilities of standing and walking together and checking our principles, ability and willingness to really stand and walk together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be devided within a mind-approach and believing to be able to already physically involve and a physical-being approach where in I look at and investigate all dimensions to possibly stand and walk with another being and look at how another being is willing and able to walk and stand with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the desire to have a relationship and the desire to become pregnant, by stepping in ‘too fast’ and already committing in a way while within common sense, I know there is more time needed to investigate where we both stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want something so badly that I am willing to compromise my own standing and integrity that I actually had never developped and so, in a way knowing what to stand for but not being able to really, on all levels, be able to stand and keep standing within my integrity and within principled living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a stranger in my own house when the children of my partner in that time came over for the weekend, as I did not know how to involve with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how to involve with my partner and his children coming over and within this, start separating myself from the situation and completely pulling back within myself and within some place in the house that I could find to be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become some kind of monster within myself and towards my partner when and as his children came over for the weekend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that everything would go better and become more in balance when and as I would have a child of my own within this situation, which may be so in a way, however it is a way of first trying to create a situation in physical reality where in I could have supported myself so much more if and when I had the tools to bring the feelings, emotions, backchat, reactions etc coming up within me – to first or while wwalking bring this back to myself, to also within the moment, make it more comfortable and enjoyable for myself as well as for my partner to walk this path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it very heavy for myself and my partner to walk a certain situation, because of not yet being able to take responsibility for my own feeling, emotions, reactions, backchat etc coming op related to the situation that I and we were living in and through this, putting so much load on the relationship and the situation as a whole that eventually maye have contributed to the ending of the relationship.

When and as I see myself becoming/experiencing myself and the situation with a partner as ‘heavy’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have emotions, feelings, reactions, backchat coming up within me that I do let decide how I experience myself and that from here, is defining who I am within that what I live.

I realize that the emotions, feelings, reactions, backchats, are coming forward out of thoughts and/or a way of trying to control my reality and so, out of trying to wanting a certain outcome, which I can see is related to aspects of my childhood where in I as a child, want a certain outcome, trying to enforce this on/towards my parents.

I realize that a form of control exists as a form of fear of not getting the outcome that I would like to see or desire and then within this an experience as belief that I would/could not exist anymore without this certain outcome.

I realize that within existing in and as fear as control, I speak and behave in a way that is putting a stamp in each situation and interaction and that is triggering others within their experience of control/fear, which is then again triggering my experience of control/fear and so on.

I realize that within contributing to creating this ‘heavy’ atmosphere, I make it more ‘heavy’ (meaning, separating myself from the reality and participants that I am involved in and with) than things need to be within each moment of breathe and that at the moment, I do have the tools to support myself to be stable and bring myself back to stability when and as a form of control/fear comes up.

I commit myself to name the desired outcome and to name the experience of fear of loss in a certain moment of conflict, for and within myself, to stop and to forgive/let go the desired outcome and instead, allow myself to move on and as the pace of my breathing and finding a living word to ‘hold on to’ within a specific moment that I need to bring stability in, within and as myself;

where in I realize that the only real and lasting way to ‘make it up’ within and as myself, is within taking full responsibility for and as myself and for the fear/control as reactions, emotions, feelings, backchat, thoughts that are coming up within and as myself, to not desire a specific outcome as ‘making things up’ for a mistake in the past, but to step by step, moment by moment, forgive and correct the mistakes within and as who I am within each moment of breath in and as a process that I walk from consciousness to awareness.

dak

Previous blog: 13. Trying to make it up

Next blog: 15. The insemination


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive