Dag 770 – Zelfvergevingen gerelateerd aan ‘structuur’

Dag 769 – Structuur – structure

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik teveel structuur heb en dat ik te gestructureerd ben en hierin geen ruimte laat voor ‘spontaniteit’.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik spontaan moet zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet spontaan te willen zijn als hoe ik spontaan interpreteer als ‘onecht’ en overdreven en tevens als soort van ‘mode’ als dat het goed zou zijn om spontaan te zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik geen spontaniteit in me heb waarvan ik zie dat dit ook weer niet klopt, dus het is meer iets anders wat me hierin dwars zit.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb spontaniteit te veroordelen als mode frats waar iedereen aan mee moet doen en dus, doe ik er niet aan mee en ‘ben ik niet spontaan’.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te begrijpen waarom iemand geen structuur zou willen of kunnen aanbrengen aangezien ons lichaam bijvoorbeeld ook uit bepaalde structuren bestaat, anders zou de boel niet bij elkaar blijven hier op aarde.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb moe te zijn van bepaalde structuren in mezelf als ‘patronen’ waarin ik ervaar vast te zitten zonder exact te zien waarin ik me als vastzittend ervaar en fysiek gemanifesteerd, dus dan op onbewust niveau, dus vandaar dat ik het (nog) niet zie.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te vinden dat ik ongestructureerd te werk ga ten aanzien van mijn geestbewustzijnspatronen en maar ergens ‘begin’ en dan zie waar ik uitkom, zonder duidelijk begin of eindpunt, wat het niet eenvoudig maakt om te omschrijven wat ik aan het doen ben zodat een ander het eveneens kan begrijpen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb moeite te hebben met het benoemen en omschrijven wat er in me speelt in een duidelijke structuur maar meer hapsnap, wat voor mijzelf eigenlijk geen probleem is of lijkt binnenin mijzelf maar wat wel onduidelijkheid lijkt te geven ten aanzien van het mijzelf in de wereld zetten in hetgeen ik begrijp van wat er in mij omgaat.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb dus een verschil te bemerken ten aanzien van mijn binnen- en buitenwereld en hoe ik mezelf manifesteer in woorden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb woorden te vermijden en mezelf ‘onduidelijk’ te houden zodat een ander geen grip op mij krijgt.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te proberen weg te glippen uit het ‘begrip’ als grip als eventueel oordeel van een ander zijn/haar mind / geestbewustzijnsstructuren en zo weg te glippen tussen de mazen door (misschien tussen de ‘grid-lines’ door? – grid-lines als fysiek gemanifesteerde structuren als patronen als oordelen in en als de geest) in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat ik zo ook weg glip van mijn eigen fysieke manifestatie / verwerkelijking in mijn beste kunnen in en als een opstaan en een gelijkstaan aan mijn eigen geestbewustzijnssysteem en aan mijn eigen (zelf)oordelen.

Ik herinner me dat binnen een sjamanistische sessie, er gezegd werd dat ik ‘opzettelijk vaag ben gehouden’ waarin ik zie dat ik dit zo heb voortgezet binnenin en als mezelf en mezelf opzettelijk vaag houd.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf opzettelijk vaag te houden zodat niemand me begrijpt en eventueel grip op me kan krijgen, in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat ik mezelf zo tevens weg houd van zelfbegrip en van een werkelijk zien wat ik hierin doe en hoe ik dit gecreëerd heb als een patroon van ‘bescherming’ van mezelf maar wat in grond, tevens zal bestaan uit wrok en wraak intenties als hoe de geest zich manifesteert in een poging om zichzelf ‘in leven’ te houden in en als een energetische manifestatie, weg van ‘het donker’ in en als zelfoprechtheid, in en als het fysiek

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren voor ‘grip op mij’ en hiervan weg te gaan, de geest in, in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat ik mezelf weg houd van een ervaring van ‘inzinking’ als ‘opgeven’ als ‘niet meer willen’ als een toegeven aan mijn eigen angst in en als de geest.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in een angst voor ‘grip op mij’, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat het woord ‘begrip’ hierin kan ondersteunen als een zelfbegrip van wat er gebeurt binnenin mij als ik ‘reageer vanuit angst’ (wat tevens een reactie in een ander zou kunnen activeren) en dat ik via zelfbegrip, grip op mezelf kan krijgen in het moment en mezelf dan richting kan (leren) geven binnen een ervaring van weg willen vluchten, de geest in.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel een moment te nemen om te ademen door de angst heen of even bij de angst ‘stil te staan’ zonder hierop te reageren in bijvoorbeeld een ‘weggaan’ binnenin mezelf of buiten mezelf en hierin mijn aandacht te richten op wat er gebeurt binnenin mij en dit voor mezelf zo goed als mogelijk te benoemen en vergeven.

Als en wanneer ik bemerk dat ik mezelf vaag uitdruk, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik een duidelijke expressie in woorden vermijd en dat ik hier een ‘reden’ voor heb – reden als bijvoorbeeld een reactie binnenin mezelf die ik nog niet onderzocht heb op waar het vandaan komt.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel mijn ‘reden’ als aanleiding voor een ‘vaag houden’ te benoemen als bijvoorbeeld een emotie die opkomt en hier even bij stil te staan en mezelf te vergeven en als ik hier duidelijkheid in heb, te zien op welke manier ik mezelf wil uitdrukken in dat moment, wat wellicht niet hetzelfde moment is aangezien ik dit misschien achteraf onderzoek maar wat ik dan in een volgend moment kan toepassen en uitproberen.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel mezelf door te gaan met het oefenen in het uitdrukken en manifesteren van mezelf in de toepassing van gesproken zelfvergevingen.

Wordt vervolgd



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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

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Dag 769 – Structuur – structure

structuur blad

Structuur – Structure

Structure (of organism); texture (of skin, rock, a literary work) (Kramers Engels)

NL woordenboek Koenen 27e druk:

Innerlijke bouw, wijze waarop een samengesteld geheel is opgebouwd

Structuren zijn geen realiteit, maar constructies van de menselijke geest waardoor deze de werkelijkheid beter vermag te ordenen en te begrijpen

Door een uitdaging op facebook die gaande is, voor het maken van een zwart-wit foto van iets in mijn dagelijks leven zonder uitleg en waarop geen mens of dier aanwezig is, kwam ik op het in beeld brengen van ‘structuur‘ in mijn omgeving. Op deze manier geef ik meerwaarde aan het project waarin ik in eerste instantie geen ‘doel’ zag of waarvan ik het oorspronkelijke uitgangspunt waaruit deze ‘uitdaging’ ontstaan is, gemist of niet begrepen heb.

Dat vond ik dan interessant om het woord structuur nader te bekijken en wat het betekent voor me en in mijn leven.

Ik merk dat ik ‘van structuur houd’. Ik heb graag structuur in mijn dag en week zodat ik een soort van houvast of richtlijn heb om de dingen te doen die ik als mijn verantwoordelijkheid zie. Tevens houd ik graag wat tijd en ruimte over om hieromheen of tussendoor, ongestructureerd in te vullen met ontspannende bezigheden. Wat dit dan zijn, mmm, eigenlijk is dit meer een ‘niets doen’ of een kopje koffie drinken (alleen of samen) of een boek lezen of met de katjes rondhangen. Dus als ik dit lees, is structuur voor en in mij, vooral gerelateerd aan ‘taken verwezenlijken. En dit geeft gelijk de structuur om hier tussenin, de structuur los te laten.

Positieve ervaring: orde, duidelijkheid, schepping, vrijheid, ruimte, houvast, richtlijn, ritme, overzicht.

Negatieve ervaring: eigenlijk alleen als het ‘teveel’ is, dus een dagplanning met alle bezigheden te dicht op elkaar en achter elkaar zonder tussendoor tijd en ruimte om ‘even niets te doen’. Wat ik me nu afvraag, is of ik dit niets doen gebruik om nog ‘weg te dromen’ dus om mijn focus of aandacht te laten gaan. Als ‘even geen verantwoordelijkheid’ ervaren voor zaken die ik ‘moeilijk’ vind of spannend of uitdagend. Waarin ik onzekerheid of angst ervaar vanuit een ‘niet weten’. Dus vanuit een ‘geen programma hebben klaarliggen’ van hoe iets aan te pakken.

Dus, structuur geeft me focus en ervaar ik als zinvol, aangezien ik binnen die structuur, de dingen aanpak die ik lastig vind. De structuur ondersteunt me dan om taken of uitdagingen op te pakken of aan te gaan.

Tot zover een wat luchtiger en weer Nederlandstalig blogje tussendoor 🙂

Wordt vervolgd

Ik ga op zoek naar een eerste afbeelding in de natuur waarin ik structuur zie:

De Hedera Helix of Klimop! Fantastisch voorbeeld van een plant met structuur, in het blad zelf en ook vooral in de groeiwijze.

 Structuur nodig om de werkelijkheid – binnenin en buiten onszelf – beter te begrijpen?

Klik op onderstaande afbeelding:dip_lite_logo_on_white


Proces van zelfverandering:
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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 768 – How to walk through fear when I am still existing in fear?

quote fear

I am reading in the book ‘The History of Desteni‘ and I am at the beginning part where Bernard and others were working with the demon dimension and bringing in the demons and supporting them with the process of self-forgiveness. For more context I recommend to read the e-book, there is much material there that can clarify and support within the understanding of what Desteni entails and stand for and it reads like a ‘novel’.

Here the aspects that I would like to point out, is how Bernard mentioned that he would be sure that before he opened himself to support a demon, he would be sure that there was no fear existing within him and, to show the way of self-forgiveness, he needed to have forgiven himself on all points, otherwise the demon would directly mention the unforgiven point and then mention this and use this to not embrace the tool of self-forgiveness, because the effect of self-forgiveness was not absolute standing then so why should he embrace it.

The point of not having any fear existing within myself before really being able to stand as an example of self-support; that is something that I see reflected in my daily life. And this brings me also to the starting-point of what I am bringing forward and who I am within this and the result of this. I mean, if I exist in fear and at the same time I would like to support another with a mind-pattern that may bring up resistence to embrace, forgive and let go, then that what I am existing in and as, is resonating through within my words and presense and most surely picked up and used to only enlarge the resistance – that actually also contains a fear within, so the fear will be affirmed. 

Because what I am then actually showing within (the resonance of) my words, is that what I bring forward or that which I ‘expect to come out’ – within myself but mostly projected on another – with what I bring forward, should be feared – I mean why otherwise should I exist in fear in this moment of an attempt to support?

This makes it not so easy to walk through, because to build self-trust, I need to walk through my fears in real time at some point and how to do this if I have not yet build the self-trust that I can keep standing, because this is what I will build while walking?

So I will experience fear and I possibly will then activate resistance and fear in another. What I then have found through time, is that if my starting-point of bringing up something, is to create an outcome that is best for all, so I bring it up in a starting-point of integrity, I will eventually be able to direct it towards this and this is also something that is mostly picked up. So this I can keep as a starting-point within myself as well and keep on focussing on expanding my self-integrity, although I may still experience a fear within me to start walking a point in real time. So, the fear shall resonate and come forward and then from the starting-point of what is best for all involved, or ‘best for both’ or ‘best for myself’ in a self-honest way, I will be able to direct myself in that what is activated and keep standing in what is activated and eventually I will be able to express where I come from and what I mean and why I do something.

I exist in fear because I am somewhere within myself, holding on to a point of separation and so, fear of loss of that what I have separated myself from however, within self-honesty, I need to stop compromising myself and then step forward and ‘take the risk’ of loosing ‘that what I hold on to and fear loosing’. Mostly while walking through this in real time, it becomes more visible what I ‘fear to loose’ and where I hold on to a compromised point within myself and the self-trust is build when walked through – meaning understanding and so forgiving myself in this – an ‘old and compromising equation’ actually and then opened up to create a new base that is more stable and long-lasting and best for myself and / as others’ self involved, as a more substantiated foundation in and as life, so from here I am able to expand my self-integrity and grow in a way that brings forward a substantial effect as well, in and as this physical existance.

So far my realizations that also come forward while I am writing it down here, so also the writing of blogs in a self-supportive way is something I can very much recommend to start with. I will continue in time to come with self-forgiveness as well and see how to expand on the topic of what I mean with ‘my starting-point’.

7-year-journey-to-life


Proces van zelfverandering:
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De Kronieken van Jezus

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https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 767 – Seeing beyond abandoned into myself

Dag 765 – Abandoned

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

In the two blogs before I have in the first blog written an introduction of looking at the word abandoned and in the second blog, opened up what experiences I found related to this within myself while bringing this into self-forgiveness, so actually enabling myself to let go the emotional attachements that I could see stored within me related to ‘abandoned’.

From here I will describe how I support myself to see and move beyond these emotional attachements and to practise to no longer ‘abandone myself from myself’ in this area.

I remember Bernard saying something like ‘eventually you will have a relationship with Desteni’ – especially for those who are looking for a relationship and bumping on the tools that are provided within Desteni and then having a tendency coming up to place the relationship with another above the relationship / agreement with self, like I tend to and perhaps many females but also males with me.

I have walked and am walking this process on many levels, from the beginning 6-7 years ago that I started my ‘Desteni I Process‘ and actually already before. On a consciousness level I knew from the beginning and before, that the self-agreement should be the first and foremost agreement and without this, no relationship / agreement with another will keep standing on long-term. However knowing this on a consciousness level and really living it in real life, between this, I have found so many dimensions to forgive and correct myself within as there is quite a lot that I have misaligned myself in on subtile levels, deep suppressed within me that I need to first uncover, then embrace, forgive, correct as ‘seeing another way’ and at the same time, a whole new area of redefining and bringing myself into a living application of no longer compromising myself, my relationships and another in and as life.

I still did not really understand what Bernard ment with his specific words although I saw the truth in it from the beginning. This is my strength in walking this process; that I see the truth as ‘what is real’ in the information that is provided as self-support and so I have opened myself for everything that is provided, altough I may not yet completely see, realize and understand what is ment with it; then from here, I bring it into myself, I keep it within myself and investigate what it means for me, until the moment that ‘the coin falls’ (mmmm in Dutch we say ‘het kwartje valt’) meaning, until the point that the information grounds and makes sense within and as me and then I have integrated it within myself and am I ready to start and practise ‘living’ the principle.

So the coin has fallen, het kwartje is gevallen (Dutch) after I had written these words to Sylvie – and up until this moment, I noticed that I felt almost quilty about standing within this relationship with Desteni no matter what, as if I did not leave room for others to come into my life. I did see in this moment of realization, that the decision for me to really see, realize and understand and then live, is that I will not accept and allow to develop an abusive way of living into my life; and Desteni is standing for oneness and equality in and as life, on all levels of existence and so, my relationship will be ‘with Desteni’ as this represents a relationship / agreement within and as self that is eventually best for all in and as life, aligned with our ‘beingness’ coming through within our physical bodies and aligning our mind to a way of self-support, instead of self-sabotaging.

It is the only long-lasting solution as it includes all life and so, a relationship with me, means that within the relationship, I will bring in the principles that I stand for and as and that I am practising myself as well, together with other people walking their journey to life. So actually it is an invitation to stand as the solution with and as self, each on the location-point of where one is in his or her process.

And wow is this challenging for me, because within this I will have to walk through a ‘fear of loss’ and this I find related to an experience of ‘being abandoned’; however I also see that it is the only way because only when standing (up) myself, a relationship that I am part of will stand the test of time.

So, now I can skip the ‘feeling guilty’ for my relationship with Desteni. Same as the words of Bernard that I remember as ‘it is nothing to be ashamed of to stand for what is best for all’. Strange how we have stored these experiences within self, in and as the mind, where we have ‘turned around’ and ‘turned against ourself’ that what is actually best for all, as even experiencing guilt or (false) shame when and as I / we stand for a long-lasting solution. There is one deep experience of shame that we should take into consideration as real and essential, which is the ‘real shame‘ of the abusive compromises that we have accepted and allowed on many levels, within and as ourself, within our relationships and in this world as a whole.

This is actually the correction as seeing and then moving beyond an experience of ‘abandoned’ that I have walked so far within and as myself. To see, realize and understand how I had misaligned and so ‘abandoned’ myself in a way, from standing as myself as the solution that is best for all, without using experiences of quilt and shame as a way to doubt myself and what I am standing for and why I am standing for this solution. As Gian said to me a while ago in another context: ‘trust yourself’. Also these words come up within me in many moments lately. The solution now is and will be, to in real life, live this correction moment by moment, word by word, breath by breath and to keep pushing myself to do so and to more and more move to this point of oneness and equality, in and as myself.

Through the years, I have brought myself into a position of self-trust in walking this, as I have proven to myself and I am openly walking this to check in for others, that the principles and tools provided by Desteni, are standing within and as a starting-point of equality and oneness and so it eventually will bring forward a result of equality and oneness, if and when applied towards and from this same point of integrity within and as self – while walking through all the layers of illusions and mistakes within and as self, day by day. So there is no need to feel quilty about ‘my relationship with Desteni’ or shame about ‘standing for a solution that is best for all’.

I will keep on using my physical body as a guideline to open up points within me and continue with investigating what parts I have ‘abandoned’ myself from and from myself, in and as my mind-being-body relationship.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

 

Continuing from Dag 765 – Abandoned

Abandoned

After sitting with myself and the cats, speaking self-forgiveness on what is coming up within me while focussing on the area of my physical body around pelvic and lower belly area:

Ovaria’s; at the high of

Not feeling worthy as a woman without having children

Like failed

Not on a consiousness level but deep stored within me and even not knowing where it comes from, other then through generational lines and/or passed lives, from which I understand that what I live in this life is enough to take on, as in this life I live the same sort of patterns as probably in many lifes before and only by now I have the tools to step forward, to stand up in it for and as myself, with the application of self-forgiveness, self-correction and living words as the beginning of self-expression in this process.

An experience of ‘failure’ on a belief that I first took on as something that I needed to reach as how it is also placed in the world, as if the only way of living or passing life, is through giving birth through children instead, of birthing ourself as life from the physical in actively deciding within awareness who we are in thought, word and deed and living this decision as well. So ‘the world’ is mostly showing as if ‘building a family’ or giving birth to a child,  is the only way to ‘birth life’ and through trying to attempt this, I am missing myself as a real living being mostly and ‘missing the point’ completely in this state of survival.

Not having given myself the chance to really ‘choose’ or decide in this because of already taken on this belief and so follwing up on this, while at the same time noticing several hesitations in it, however still following up on this ‘automatic/programmed belief’. And within this, causing myself a lot of sadness and grief.

I stillcould feel this deep stored within me with still emotions attached (after a whole serie written about this that starts here). Feeling abandoned in this, feeling like ‘no man would stay with me if I am not carrying/have carried their child’. Abandoning myself within a self-created belief of failure.

Also, deep sadness for all the ‘homeless’ in this world including animals and the suffering from this. Homeless, also like abandoned.

Sitting with Snoo the cat from who I picked up (and confirmed without me sharing this, via someone who is picking up some signals from animals – this is not a ‘real communication with animals’, for some more information about this I would recommend the interviews that start here) that she would have liked to have little kittens but where is decided for her to get sterilized. Which in this situation (she lived as a cat from the street in Egypt and came via a shelterhouse to my house) and in this time where we live, is the best to do. However, these decisions are made without including the animals in it. Which I still felt sad about and I took responsibility for this experience of ‘guilt’ through apologizing as a human being, as asking forgiveness for humanity as a whole in who we are at the moment with regards to animals. This gave great release from the experience of guilt, within taking responsibility as a human being, for something that I did not directly do myself to her but the ‘species’ I belong to does within a world that we have all acccepted and allowed to exist within separation from life and so, I am responsible as well.

Additional self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my reproduction-system and ability to reproduce, related to the sex-system and love-system and within this, making myself myself inferior to ‘life’ as myself as life, within a separation of myself in an accepted and allowed belief in the self-created reality of the ‘love-system’ and the sex and reproduction that is connected within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to see and live myself as an individual and satisfied living being without ‘being related’ to a child and/or partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure if and when I do not succeed to maintain a pregnancy and/or intimate relationship, as if this are the only two ‘purposes’ in life to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on a deep level, tend to compromise myself for within my fertile years, an attempt in trying to get pregnant and during and after this, an attempt in trying to get or maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the new and open area of giving myself and living a purpose within, as and for myself, that is not related to pregnancy/motherhood or a personal intimate relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it quite rediculous that I have accepted and allowed and accept and allow, so much distraction within and as myself by moving into and living out the love, sex and reproduction system, where in I at the same time see, realize and understand that within and embracing myself of who I am within this, I will be able to forgive, correct and change myself and the relationship with myself in this as a fundament for relationships with others and from here, ‘breathing life’ into myself and redefining love, sex and reproduction towards supportive area’s for myself and others as what is best for life as a whole, as an area to live, learn, grow and expand as individual and responsible living beings.

I notice that the left-bottom side of my large intestine is giving signals now of ‘pain’ or crampings, that is already here for minutes but that I at first did not bring into my awareness, so much am I used to this coming and going of these cramping pains and en emotion related to this that I have not yet defined and forgiven, however it releases a bit when now noticing and mentioning it.

Some words that come up: inferior, diminishing, unworthy, not allowed, accepted limitations, shut down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down and stop expanding myself after an attempt of fulfilling a pregnancy or relationship and so, making this area the ‘only way or possibility’ to expand within and as myself and here limiting myself in my individual grow and making myself dependent on the will and responsibility of another to grow and expand within a relationship and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my will to grow and expand, dependent on the will to grow and expand of (the presence of) a partner.

The overall word here: dependency

Which is something to bring back to myself as in self-dependency in and as the will to live and to stop the mind-dependency in and as the polarity of the energy-generation (as in for example the system of love, sex and reproduction).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in an experience of missing and distracting myself within this, where in I see, realize and understand how I create this experience within and as myself, through accepting and allowing a ‘building of relationships’ on the (unconscious) starting-point of the ‘love and sex-system’ and in the hope and expectation of the ability to transform this into an absolute unconditional relationship and sharing, where in the real missing is the missing of an absolute unconditional relationship with another human being, that I have channeled into the sharing of myself within the physical intimicy within ‘love and sex’ or ‘love as sex’ within a partner-relationship and so creating a dependency on each other on short-term, within and as the belief/fear and so judgement, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time’ in walking towards the individual starting-point of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and so judge, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge myself in my own will and ability to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility without another human being as a partner and from here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge a partner for leaving me and so, taking away the ‘free will’ of another in making their own decision in what to walk and how to do this towards a point of self-responsibility, as I restrict this to ‘staying with me’ as the only or ‘best’ way and so, becoming ‘forcing’ in this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fail’ by going into reacting from a starting-point of ‘fear of loss’ and here, start ‘forcing another’ who is picking up and reacting to this ‘force’ and then ‘going away’ and so I am ‘loosing the connection’ that I initially feared to loose and that I now co-created myself in reality.

From here I then go into an experience of guilt and finding as if I ‘failed’ and that ‘it is my fault’ that another goes in which I enlarge the ‘fear of making mistakes’ within myself where in I then enlarge the pressure within myself and reflecting this towards others as well, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am able to do, is taking responsibility for myself in this as how I here, bring a reaction back to self and realizing that if my reaction is causing another to stay or go, that this has to do with what is already going on inside themself that I have triggered with my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost petrify myself within a fear of making a mistake and then causing another lo leave (me), up to the point where I cannot bear the pressure anymore of my own petrification and so, suddenly ‘lash out’ in a reaction with the result of that what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rsult of my own reaction as if it is all my responsibility and within this, trying to take ‘responsibility for two’ out of a fear that another is not willing or yet able to do this by/for themself and so walking away whenever I may react or make a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘staying with me’ or ‘staying with you’ above ‘taking responsibility for and as ourself’ and so, walk from a turned around starting-point which in itself, is doomed to explode and ‘break up’ because the foundation to build on and from, is not yet stable and constant in and as what is best for a life in and as self-responsibility.

And here, an experience of ‘being abandoned’ is created as being abandoned from a (soul?)-connection that is still origined from or connected to a belief or idea within and as the love-/sex-system as ‘being together for always no matter what’ and a fear of standing alone, so actually being abandoned from a continuation of an energy-experience.

To be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 765 – Abandoned

In an interview serie there is mentioned to start looking at the word abandoned and to bring into self-forgiveness what we have attached to this word, as we mostly all have lived and/or live this word in some way, like feeling abandoned and/or abandon ourself or a part of ourself.

I would like to focus on how I tend to abandon certain body-parts or organs that are not functioning well as how would be optimum possible so to speak and then look for the deeper dimensions in this, as for example looking at where I abandon parts of – or experiences within myself and how I have then stored these experiences within certain parts or organs of my body and then when the organ or body-part shows a misalignment, I tend to abandon the organ or body-part as well, like ‘pushing away the pain’.

I will partly walk this process in a speaking of self-forgiveness as I have found this effective and I wil not be able to write out everything within the blogs due to time. I have found it effective to lay down with myself in moments that the physical dyscomfort is ‘roaring it’s head’ and to push with my hands on the places that ‘hurt’ or constrict and then see what is coming up and bring it into self-forgiveness, without trying to ‘make sense’ of it. Often, I will be able to release an emotion and if I am effective in it and being able to go deep enough and self-honestly see what the misalignment is within myself, the physical constriction can also release. This is not happening everytime and it can also be possible that I need to walk a point more in ‘real time’, before I see for example how I stored a deep self-belief as a ‘sentence’ within me where I keep on reacting to certain situations or people because I am ‘coming from’ or ‘looking through the eyes of’ this self-belief and connected/integrated experience, instead of directly being able to see myself or another or a situation or moment in it’s totality.

For today only the introduction – to be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


 

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 764 – It’s a decision

One of the things that stand the most by me from the words of Bernard are the words ‘it’s a decision’. Actually everything, who we want to be, how we want to live, how we approach others and the world around us – it’s based on a decision. However what we have learned, is that it is based on ‘how we feel’ or not feel and what we think about something or someone. This goes so automatically and fast within ourself, that we are not really (or not at all) aware of the motivation behind our words and actions, behaviour and choises.

In the past, we have made many ‘decisions’ based on painful experiences and then we created thoughts and behaviour as a way to try and control our environment, to not experience this pain again and so actually, our unaware ‘decisions’ are very much based on a protection and defense mechanism. At some point later in life, if often comes forward that these ‘decisions’ are not practical anymore and actually working ‘against ourself’ as well as ‘against others’. Because these ‘decisions’ are once based on ‘exclusion’ from the one who did some harm to us, instead of bringing the pain back to self. This can be developped in many situations, from very small moments where we did not understand what was happening in a moment, within ourself and for example felt rejected, to the really emotional or physical abusive situations that do happen so much in this world that is based on inequality and misunderstandings.

So the protection and defense mechanism could be valid as ‘understandable’ and even necessarry in the past, however there comes a point in our lives where we are asked to be ready and willing to bring the pain back to self and take responsibility for ourself, in who and how we have created ourselves from all these moments in the past, in a way that is not best for all, but still only protecting and defending ‘our own good’ so to speak which goes hand in hand with attacking another who is questioning this ‘good’.

I was writing self-forgiveness in in a timeline of a mind-construct last week and came to a moment of decision where I saw that my behaviour, is unacceptable. It took me months to come to an understanding of myself in my behaviour, although I had seen already long before that something did not go well in certain moments.

It was in a moment in the working-environment that I am not satisfied about and that I experience as ‘unfair’ but that I can also not practically change and so, I was kind of ‘stuck’ in how to stand in this and behave. And this prevented me from seeing into myself as who I am in that moment and the will to change in this, because I found that ‘I had the right to do this’ in some way. And so it took me a deep introspection to come to the point of seeing that I was actually on a very subtile level, abusing a situation and (business)relationship in the vulnerability of the interdependency that we existing in within actually all relationships. I made a difference of how to be in different relatinships and so, I actually let the relationship determine ‘who I am’. I did not make a clear decision about ‘who I am’ in every relationship and allowed a small backdoor within myself in a (business)relationship where in another is more dependent on me (for money), to behave from a starting-point of ‘having certain rights’, where in other relationships where I am more dependent, I suppress these reactions within me.

Once I saw the point of abuse in it, through the extensive and structural writing and/of self-forgiveness within the lesson, I saw the solution: it’s a decision and I am the solution in who I am in that moment; it’s not possible to change the practical aspects in it and it is unacceptable to live out my dissatisfactions, so there is only one (practical) solution: ME and the decision to no longer accept and allow myself to live out this pattern of abuse, no matter how subtile and no matter ‘if I am right’ in a way.

From here I now need to practise and live this decision in reality, so I need to everytime decide to ‘act on my decision’, to make it a real and living decision that is visible in physical matter and what I find as well is that I need to come to this ‘decision’ in many different situations, moments and relationships, through seeing, realizing and understanding myself in each of it. (…) So I have an overall decision of the will to make the best of myself and come to a living of decisions of what is best for all in every moment and within this ‘will to change’ as a starting-point, I walk many moments towards a point of seeing myself, from where I decide to stop the abusive or ineffective pattern and thus change. This shows how extensive and detailed this process is to come to a point of practical, visible change in all aspects of our living.

Once I come to such point of insight, I find myself being more stable and solid, as now I have found a point that I can stand in and stand up from in those moments. There is often so much resistance experienced towards a point that needs introspection, however once through, it gives much more trust and satisfaction within and as self. To come to a decision that is best for all, I need to take off the layers of energy created around it and an effective way to do this is the application of self-forgiveness, so that I can come to a point of really seeing, realizing and understanding what I am doing in such moment and then, I am able to make the decision or actually in that moment of seeing myself, I have made the decision, to stop the abuse in this certain situation.

Desteni I Process


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive