Dag 419 – De boeman in ieder gesprek?

Bij alles wat ik op dit moment hoor en zie om me heen, komt er een gedachte of ervaring in me op gerelateerd aan het feit dat als er niet werkelijk verandering plaatsvindt in de wereld, dit alles zo zinloos is en geen stand zal houden en/of al overduidelijk een actie in eigenbelang betreft. De ongelijkheid als startpunt binnenin onszelf en in de wereld, is alles bepalend. Waarin ik me realiseer dat de ongelijkheid als startpunt binnenin mezelf alles bepalend is en dat als ik niet werkelijk verander, alles zinloos is en ik geen stand zal houden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en ervaren dat als er niet werkelijk verandering plaatsvindt in de wereld, dit alles zo zinloos is en geen stand zal houden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb me af te vragen of ik dan werkelijk in iedere gesprek met een ander, hierop moet ‘wijzen’ als zijnde dat er werkelijk iets moet gebeuren in de wereld en binnenin onszelf, en dat hetgeen gezegd wordt, niet in overeenstemming is met wat het beste is voor iedereen, maar slechts de ‘ik’ betreft als hoe ‘ik’ er beter vanaf kom, in en als eigenbelang/zelfzucht.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet graag de boeman te zijn  in ieder gesprek.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb geen zin te hebben om steeds de boeman te zijn in ieder gesprek, in plaats van de zinloosheid in de woorden die gesproken worden, uit te lichten, aan te kaarten, te benoemen, onder ogen te brengen, zodat er een flinter van gewaarzijn kan ontstaan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb de zinloosheid in en als het wereldsysteem, in en als het geest bewustzijn systeem, te vertalen in en als mezelf als ‘geen zin hebben’, welke eigenbelang betreft, in en als luiheid en angst om te spreken als wat het beste is.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie denken/ervaren in een gesprek als dat het zinloos is en wat er gezegd wordt, slechts eigenbelang of het belang van een kleine groep betreft in plaats van het beste voor alles en iedereen, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik luister naar de woorden, ik ben een moment stil en zie of en waar ik op reageer. Ik stel mezelf ten doel zelfvergeving toe te passen specifiek op hetgeen ik reageer in een gesprek. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, als en wanneer ik stil ben in mezelf, te zien of en waar ik kan spreken ten behoeve van het ontwaken van het gewaarzijn in de mens, in de wereld, beginnende in de eenvoudige, kleine dingen die genoemd worden in de woorden, gekeerd in en als het bewustzijn. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, als en wanneer ik een angst of ‘geen zin hebben’ ervaar in mezelf hiertoe, dit te onderzoeken, zelf te vergeven en zelf te corrigeren, en in een volgend moment opnieuw in realiteit te toetsen in, als en voor mezelf terwijl ik tevens het geheel in overweging neem, en niet ga spreken slechts als ‘test’ ten behoeve van mezelf, aangezien het startpunt dan opnieuw eigenbelang is.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf als ‘boeman’ ervaar, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik me als boeman ervaar omdat ik geleerd heb dat je het ego van de mens niet zomaar mag uitlichten, benoemen, mag laten schrikken door ‘boe’ te zeggen. Ik realiseer me dat ik denk dat het vervelend is als ik dit ‘te vaak’ doe, waarin ik me keer op keer afvraag, dit heb ik toch net benoemd, waarom wordt het dan niet opgepakt. Ik realiseer me dat het geest bewustzijn systeem niet wordt opgepakt als men niet zelf gaat schrijven en in zelf gaat zien hierin. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, door te gaan met mezelf in te zetten tot het brengen van een Nederlandstalig platform als startpunt voor zelfverandering in schrijven, zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie, zodat en waarin, als dit eenmaal staat, ik en wij hieraan kunnen refereren ten behoeve van zelfverandering, beginnende bij zelfinzicht in schrijven. Ik stel mezelf ten doel hierin in en als geduld te wandelen met en als mezelf, in en als het fysieke tempo, adem voor adem, punt voor punt, dag voor dag.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie participeren in een ervaring van ‘geen zin hebben’ om iets te doen (welke ik verkeerd intypte als ‘geen zijn hebben om iets te doen’), dan stop ik, ik adem. Interessant hierin is de slip of the finger, als geen zijn hebben om iets te doen, wat het hele probleem is, ik heb geen zelf en zelfbeweging om iets te doen, en dus laat ik me leiden door een ervaring als angst en zinloosheid, in en als de geest, welke zinloos is als er geen zijn als een en gelijk als leven als startpunt is. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, mezelf de ervaring van ‘geen zin/zijn hebben’ te vergeven, me hierin te realiseren dat ik dus geen zijn als zelfbeweging toepas in dat moment, en dus pas ik zelfvergeving toe, aangezien het hierin start als vrijmaken tot zelfbeweging. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, een blog te schrijven over zelfvergeving als zelfbeweging als zijnde mezelf uit de zinloosheid bewegen, in en als de geest, het fysieke leven in, in en als zelfvergeving, komende tot en in en als zelfbeweging.

Kleurplaat schrikken———————————————————————————————————————-

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 414 – To be Right – Self-Corrective Application

https://i1.wp.com/www.impactopleidingen.nl/images/communicatie.jpg

Day 413 – To be Right

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself in a moment participating just before making a decision ‘to be right’ and so, about to decide that I, because of this perceiving to be right, can step in convincing another being of ‘my right’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I do not have ‘a right to convince another’, no matter if what I speak about is infact so.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself about to go stepping into the mind in and as a convincement, to stop, to breathe, and to within breath, take a moment to be silent within myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself observing this one moment of checking within myself if ‘this is the right thing to do’ before stepping in a convincement, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I am right before making a decision in and as the mind, and as long as I am ‘before’, it wil be easier to stop and direct myself, and this observing is already a sign that I am ‘about stepping in’, which is a sign that I need to slow down myself, breathe, and take a moment to see what is going on inside myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I am ‘feeling one and sure’ about stepping in a convincement, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I am already participating in and as a convincement in and as myself, in and as the mind, which I am about to force on another being without taking the whole situation, myself and the other in consideration, otherwise, I would not feel the ‘urge to convince’ another being. So I stop, I breathe, I keep the moment within myself for further investigation from all dimensions before pushing through a point.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself focussing on another being while observing a point that is not aligned, to stop, to breathe, and to first check within myself if I am aligned with and as myself, and within this, being able to communicate a point clear and stable. If not, I stop, I breathe, I commit myself to first investigate the point within myself and for this moment, letting go the point within another, where in I realize that if I am not aligned, I am not really able to communicate effectively but instead create energy within myself and the other and enlarge a friction inside self, others and within the situation.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in an experience of ‘not knowing how to make this point clear’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I make the point unclear by pushing and forcing and convincing in and as the mind, so I better take a breath, slow down, and see within the moment or afterwards how communicate the point effectively without being in reaction myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself disregarding little and large signs within myself of not taking everything into consideration by pushing through within a tendency of ‘wanting to be right’, I stop, I breathe, where in I realize that I participate in and as the female-ego as ‘being right’, which is mostly coming up when I am participating in fear of loosing control in communication, and so, I commit myself to investigate what the fear is that is hiding behind the female-ego coming up as wanting ‘to be right’.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in and as a fear of ‘being wrong’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I must have participated in and as an convincement of ‘being right’, where in I create an experience of being wrong, and so, I need to slow down myself and investigate how to move on within this point.

I commit myself to, when and as I feel it as ‘unfair’ to stop reacting when and as I am in an experience of ‘being right’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that there are dimensions to investigate inside myself that gives an experience of  feeling unfair’ which I try to correct within this one moment by convincing another of my ‘being right’. And so, I commit myself to investigate the memories related to this ‘unfair feeling’ experience within myself, so that I can correct myself in and as writing and application of self-forgiveness and self-correction, instead of trying to force a correction within one moment in and as reality.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself giving up myself in and as reaction, to stop, to breathe, where in although it might ‘feel right’ to step in within this one moment, I need to use my common sense – which will ‘not feel right’ at this moment, but which is using common sense in and as the awareness that reacting is not a solution in anyway. And so I stop, I breathe, and instead of ‘forcing my will upon another’, I stand up in and as self-will, in and as a force within myself, to stop myself within reaction, to stop compromising myself (and another).

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into a reaction again in and as a convincement of ‘being right’, to take the point into writing, to investigate, self-forgive and see what dimension(s) I have missed and not yet effectively forgiven myself, where in again I correct myself, in writing and in daily living, every time again, and so moving slowly in and towards effectively living in and as self-correction, in and as breath.

I commit myself to investigate where I go into submission in and as identifying myself as ‘a female’, and so within this, create a ‘need to be right’ within and as myself as a female-ego, so that and where in I forgive and correct myself, step by step,  to be and become one and equal as life, free from limitations in and as the mind related to gender-mind-constructs.

*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and compromise myself within and as a limitation of identifying myself as a female, and from this on go into submission, where in I create a believe to ‘having the right to be right’, which is actually a revenge for all the moments of submission that I have experienced in and as myself in and as identification with ‘being a female’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into submission and use this as a starting point of manipulation, where from this position of submission it is not so easy to be seen and so I have ‘free space’ to subtile manipulate in and as the mind to ‘get what I want’ as the only way I know, not seeing, realising and understanding, that within this position of submission as a starting-point in/as a personality, I have given up myself and my life-force, fully, and so I am in submission towards my own mindmanipulation in and as the creation of energy, where in I cannot even see where this submission starts, because I have become this position, in and as the mind, where in I experience the compromise within my physical body every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my physical body every day by going into submission in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will only be listened to if and when I become angry somehow, because I have not seen an example of direct communication and direct listening between male and female while growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a feeling of love because there was no real communication, and so a ‘feeling of love’ was the only thing that I believed as ‘keeping the connection’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that a feeling of love is enough and that communication is not needed in the first place and/or can follow up/be developped from this ‘love’, while actually it’s the other way around, that communication is the first thing to start with, and only from that starting point one is able to establish a mutual understanding of self and/as the other, and from there, to learn to live ‘love’ practical in/as equality instead of feeling love in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a mutual feeling of love is the thing to build a realtionship on, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that the starting-point of walking in/towards equality is communication, and as long as the starting-point is a feeling of ‘love’, the starting-point is actually manipulated in/as a feeling in/as the mind, keeping each other at a distance in and as fear of manipulation, as how the ‘nature of love’ is in and as itself.

Self-investigation to be continued.

Source: http://www.tenantscreeningblog.com/

Agreements
Re-Defining Relationships

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 413 – To be Right

After writing out the blog of reacting to reactions, there is an example immediately where I go in reaction on reactions. When I look back, I see the moment of decision, where I decide to ‘step in’. I see a lot of points coming up that I need to write out and there is a ‘reason’ for acting like this that I will investigate; however this moment of decision is the first point that I will take self-responsibility for in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. I would say, it is such an ‘obvious’ point and written out more than once by others, but within the reality-moment, I am full force stepping in and so not really recognize it for what it is, so the point needs writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to make it a clear flag-point for and within myself:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to step in, fully, and that I have the right to do this, because I am right in what I am speaking about, and so I fully experience as if I am right and that this is the right thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself in and as an experience of being right and so believing that this is the right thing to do, where before the decision I was able to correct myself but from this moment and further, as I decided to step in, I am directed by ‘my decision’ in and as the mind now and keep on defending myself in and as this condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my self-direction to and as a decision in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, experience and perceive stepping in the mind as ‘a right thing to do’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe this one moment within myself, of stepping in and checking in myself, very fast in a moment, where in I make the conclusion that this is the right thing to do, because it feels right and ‘one’ and which I perceive as ‘sure’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘feeling one and sure’ is leading me to the right thing to do, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘feeling right’ is coming forward out of the female-ego – a dimension that I noticed the whole conversation because I just spoken out this list of self-forgivenes-statements from Veno, but that I was not yet able to stop and correct myself so I missed some dimensions, and one of these dimensions is this ‘feeling one and sure’ – which I now see is ‘one’ because one with the female-ego as what I perceived to be, just as how the ego is set up and programmed, and ‘sure’ because I ‘feel one’ and what I speak about is ‘right’ , where in I did not take all dimensions in consideration, from myself and the other, the dimensions that I do not yet fully understand but somehow observe within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the other instead of on myself, and because I see something in the other that is ‘not right’ as not aligned, I must be right! instead of seeing, realising and understanding that 1-I may be seeing myself in the other and so project this ‘not being aligned’ on the other, which I need to check inside myself; and 2-no matter if the other is ‘right’ as aligned or not, I have no right to be right and ‘force my right upon the other’ in and as the mind,  as ‘being right’ is not the same as being aligned and ‘standing equal’ in and as the physical (in Dutch: ‘gelijk hebben’ is niet hetzelfde als ‘gelijk zijn’).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe myself doing something that was ‘not right’ taking everything in consideration, as I noticed little frictions, doubts and points to investigate, but still make the decision to step in, to be right and push through out of ‘not knowing how to do it differently’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the little and large signs within myself and the other, out of not knowing how to do it differently and not having an example of how to be equal in and as myself in communication with another being in a moment of unclarity which leads to disagreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and create an experience of (fear of) being ‘wrong’ by participating in and as the experience of being ‘right’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself up in reaction in and as a search for confirmation from another being in and as an experience of being right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience it as ‘unfair’ to stop reacting when and as I am in an experience of being right, where in I realise that this is part of the same ego-experience fighting for it’s existance.

Self-corrections will follow.

Veno – Self Forgiveness – Female Ego

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 411 – Speaking myself through the top of a headache and see further

female symbol

Some days ago I started to see how within the whole condition of my intestines there are related emotions towards an experience of inferiority of myself as a female towards males. It was still vague and very deep located in the body, and I was somehow aware of this always, but is was also always ‘there’ so to speak, so at the same time, I was not really aware of it that one of the dimensions of the tense in my intestine is related to this experience.

I spoke quite a lot of self-forgivenesses through the day and the point started to move, and I also felt it related to the liverfunction, as some kind of emotional suppression within myself which gives my liver a difficult time to do it’s job properly ( in energetic test-results it shows often that the liver need some support in the function of detoxification). However I felt I did not really move through. At night I had a chat with my buddy, and we discussed the point. She gave me some blogs of her where she had written out a similar point some time ago.

Today my period started and I woke up with a slight headache on the background; I have this more often right before and/or at the beginning of the period; even so had my mother, it was actually the only thing that she complained about from what I remember as a child, and when here periods stopped because of the menopause, she has very seldom headaches anymore. This specific headache is started within the muscles on top of my shoulder (muscules trapezius), goes to the occiput-bones, and is also connected to some points within my large intestine where cramps are located. From what I understood from a tradionional chinese medicin practiser and also feel within my own body, is that the points are all located on the liver-meridian.

If I moved slowly and focus on relaxing my shoulders and stopping the thinking every time, the headache was ‘bearable’, and I did my daily tasks in a slow way. I had a chat with Larry and I discussed some of this point with him, and still felt in this how I was not really able to move and express within this point, and actually felt myself sitting back within this experience of inferiority as a female towards a male (which is not an experience that I have particulair towards him, it is more general existing on the background within myself, which gives a sense of ‘control’ in the communication with a male).

So afterwards, I decided to read the blogs that my buddy send me. I read them out loud and in between I added self-forgiveness on the points I saw coming up within me, related to this point. Halfway the speaking of the blogs, the area in and around my intestines became warm, emotions came up, and I could speak myself through the top of the headache while speaking the self-forgiveness. I saw why it was not something that I could write myself easily, as it where points coming up that I had not really lived myself but more points that I was actually ‘holding myself back from’, as it are points that I had seen my mother participating in quite extremely, not so much in angryness as well in a direct giving up on herself on forehand, before even speaking to the male, in and as a starting point of ‘not being listened to’, and vice versa, my father was not an ‘angry’ person at all, but could have a particular stubborn way of expressing and/or actually not expressing. So most of these signs took more place in a ‘not expressing’ rather than in expressing through angryness and other emotional voiced words.

And for myself, I tried to keep myself away as much as possible from this ‘behaviour’ coming forward out of an experience of inferiority and ‘not being listened to’,  where in I do become angry when this experience is triggered, and so in reality keeping this meant that i tried to keep  myself away from a relationship with a male that really had a chance to succeed.

I will keep on investigating this point as this is only opening up, and share some more about it if and when a point comes up that I need to write out more specificly. So far this is a moment of witnessing for myself of how to speak myself through (the top of) a physical point with the speaking and reading out load of self-forgiveness which gives relieve of the physical pain/discomfort and support to let go the stored emotional energetic experience that gives the pain and discomfort. it is also a witnesssing of how blogs from others can assist and support in walking through points inside ourselves within sounding the self-forgiveness out loud for and within ourselves, even though the words might be slightly ‘personally different’ placed; the construct is basicly the same as a construct of the experience of female-inferiority against male-superiority which is widely lived, played out, constructed and build up within and as the mind-consciousness-system within and so in and as this world-system without.

Related blogs that I read out load:

Who I am in Relation to MEN as Patriarchs: DAY 130

Why Women Use Emotional Manipulation: DAY 131

Why Women become Submissive in Discussions with Males: DAY 132

Some self-forgiveness on the most prominent points coming up within and as my own memories related to this point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so powerless when and as I see my mother going into in what I perceive as a submissive attitude before she even started to speak about something with my father, and within this, starting to reject my mother in and as this behaviour, as I did not want to have something to do with what I saw and felt so powerless in, and so trying in and as rejecting, to keep myself away from this submission towards the male, in and as a belief that if I keep myself seperated from it, it could not really effect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel really compassion for my mother in and this behaviour as what I saw as so hopeless unable to express herself and stand up, which is a feeling that I did not allow myself to really feel and stand up in, because I myself did not know how to express myself and stand up, and so, I rejected her and within this, seperated myself from this experience of hopelessness and desperation in and as belief in the incapability of expressing self and standing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and so perceive myself as incapable of really directing myself in and as self-expression, while at the same time, I know and am aware of my capability to stand up in this, which gives and has given a friction and conflict within myself for so long, seperated in a vision of myself which is not compatible with how I am living myself within reality every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopelessly sad and suppressed when I see my father as what I perceive as ‘stuck within himself, not being able to express himself’, while I see as what I interpreted as the friction, stuckness and disempowerment on his face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck inside myself when and as I am not able to express myself looking at my father, which gives an experience of friction, stuckness and disempowerment within myself from which I believe I am not allowed to stand up in, because when I do stand up in this, I leave my father alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for the experience that I perceived within my father but actually was experiencing within myself, of feeling stuck, frictioned and disempowered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freeze inside whenever I hear the subtile manipulations and little nasty tonations and words between my parents which are build up inside and so find a way out, because of this incapability of open and frank self-expression with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply and endless sad because of an experience of being caught within this pattern between my parents, feeling unable to change anything within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanted so badly that my parents had a ‘happy and open’ marriage and if this was not possible, that they then better could have a divorce so that this pattern could be broken through and that I did no longer need to sit in between.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a divorce as the only option as solution for the problem to open up the situation in and as communication, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived myself the ‘solution of leaving a relationship’ as the only way that I saw to solve the problem as opening up the situation, experienceing myself as unable to stay and open up myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I am better of alone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself caught in between my parents where in it even looks like that I enlarge the pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I enlarge the pattern between my parents, and within this, make myself, in and as this believe, responsible for their incapability to communicate effectively together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and feel myself responsible for what I see as their incapability to communicate effectively with each other, but when I asked my mother sometimes about it, she denied everything and said she had no problems at all with it, while at the same, in the rare moments that my father expressed himself openly in his dissatisfaction and disappointment about things in his life, first thing that my mother said was ‘don’t be so negative’, and so, the communication was suppressed immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the communication with my mother by acting like ‘I am fine’ and by not really listening and or waving away her expression when she did express her dissatisfaction about little things in her life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to touch my fathers protectionmechanism as for me it feels like so much accumulation that it is almost imbearable and so, I should tiptoe around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I perceive as the imbearable load of what my father is suppressing inside himself as emotions and feelings and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself the imbearable load of what I am suppressing inside myself as emotions and feelings, instead of seeing, realising, and understanding how only the suppressing and accumulation makes it unbearable as being ‘too much’, while walking it through one by one, it becomes something that I am able to do and actually that everyone is/will be able to do if the tools of how to do this are provided.

*

Next day my shoulders and neck feel like ‘having more space’ to move around, the headache is still gone, and also the few hours of menstruationpain in the belly that I often have at start, did not come up this month. The tension and delay in the large intestine is still here although there is a layer on top opening up a bit, which is a point I will keep on investigating for and within myself, layer after layer.

After finishing this blog, a very intense cramping pain is coming up inside my intestine, so I lay down on the floor, push soft but constant on the pain-point, hold my legs against me to come deeper within my body and start investigating and applying self-forgiveness untill the cramp relieves, push through when the pain is unbearable, push and stay, push and stay, not giving up this time, because as Bernard says, when you cannot have it anymore, you have to push through, and so I do, it must be here, if there is a pain, there is something suppressed; until I see something of myself as who I am and within this, the cramping gives in, starts moving and releasing:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in a moment of revenge (from with I do not have a direct memory, I can only see the direction within the experience which is from a very young age) choose between my father and mother, and within this, play them out against each other in and as my mind,  where in I try to hold on to my father and push anway my mother, but my father is gone, he is not here and because I have already choosen, I cannot go back, and so I have to protect myself in and as this ‘choice between’, caught within polarity in and as the mind, welcome to the evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have made ‘the wrong choice’, where in I perceive, think and believe that I cannot go back, I don’t know how to go back, and so I keep on following this pattern my whole life, playing it out within relationships where in I every time again ‘choose’ for the male who is unavailable, ‘not here’ and leave the male who is staying next to me no matter what, where in I end up alone and within this creating an experience of eternal sadness – which I know now, is generating energy within myself – and for a long time blaming my mother for the whole set up within myself, because she is the only one that is still here and involved in it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret to not really see how my mother was always standing with me – with her ‘faults’ of course but she was here – because I turned away from her, looking for the one that was missing, believing that he must be somewhere, I felt ‘this love’ inside, I know ‘he loves me’, so where is he?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand where he is and why he is not coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for not finding him, for pushing him/my father away, and so she has to ‘pay for it’, and so I push her away, even so as I blamed her for doing this – an eye for an eye – within and as my perceive and believe that she ‘did this to me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand and believe that I did this to me, to my father and my mother in and as my mind; that I trapped myself within this fall, the fall of the mind in and as an eternal revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my breath away in and as a moment of scare within myself for myself as who I am in and as revenge, in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn to my father in an undefined moment with my mother that I felt threathened by her, but he is not here, I cannot find him and so I have nowhere to go but to go into my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that leaving brings a solution as safety, instead of seeing, realising and understanding, that within leaving, going into and as the mind, I make myself vulnerable for every manipulation in, as and of the mind and ‘loose my safety’ as being here, equal and one with and as the physical at the moment that I choose to leave where at the same time, from now on I need to ‘protect’ myself as who I am in and as this decision of leaving as what is not best for all, so I need to ‘keep on leaving’ to keep the pattern alive as protectionmechanism from seeing myself in the face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay in and as the experience of fear of lost, because I choose to leave and lost myself within this in and as the physical within this one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forgive my father on forehand for everything and to blame my mother on forehand for everything and within this, giving my self-directivess away, creating separation and conflict within and without myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep looking for love outside myself that I perceived I lost once while searching for my father ‘to protect me’, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that it was an experience inside myself, reflecting with and as my father, and so looking outside myself is only seperating myself in and as projection on another human being, even if it happens as a very young child with my father, the principle is the same.

I commit myself to forgive myself the layers upon layers that I created within myself after taking my breath away, and correct myself evenso in and as stopping the revenge in the moment when it comes up, perhaps suppressed in and as a physical pain, investigating and forgiving it specific, until and where in I, slowly but surely, stand up, equal to who I am as the mind, to enable myself to become equal to and one with and as life in and as the physical as what is best for all as life.

I commit myself to stop leaving, to stay here and sort out myself.

To be continued within myself as the pain is moving and opening up a little.

Thank you.

Veno – Self Forgiveness – Male Ego

Veno – Self Forgiveness – Female Ego

enjoying the day

Desteni-I-Process-Lite

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 338 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Consequentiedimensie

Dag 325 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden

Dag 326 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Angstdimensie

Dag 327 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Verbeeldingsdimensie

Dag 328 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Gedachtendimensie

Dag 329 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Gedachtendimensie-vervolg

Dag 330 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Backchatdimensie

Dag 331 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Reactiedimensie

Dag 332 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Reactiedimensie-zelfcorrecties

Dag 337 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden – Fysieke Gedragsdimensie

Consequentiedimensie:

Mezelf terugtrekken, mezelf afscheiden, mijn tuin afscheiden, ego als bescherming opzetten

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf terug te trekken als consequentie van mijn ervaring van angst welke getriggerd wordt door  harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf af te scheiden in en als de geest in en als een ervaring van angst, en hierin in gedachten als interne gesprekken en reacties als emoties, op het moment dat ik harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai hoor.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb mijn tuin af te scheiden in een poging mezelf te beschermen tegen de zogenaamde onrust die ik ervaar door lawaai buiten de tuin als harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai als angstaanjagend te ervaren en me hierin terug te trekkken in mezelf, in een poging me tegen hetgeen me angst aanjaagt, te beschermen, in mezelf, in ‘mijn huis’ en in het afschermen van de tuin.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb mijn ego als bescherming op te zetten als reactie op het horen van harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai.

*

Als ik mezelf mezelf zie terugtrekken en afscheiden, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik geloofd heb dat ik me dien te beschermen tegen harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai van buitenaf en hierin een ego gecreeerd heb door me te verzetten en af te scheiden – afscheiding als beschermende schutting –  niet ziende, realiserende en begrijpende dat ik mezelf hierin op het terrein van de geest begeef en mezelf hierin gevangen zet; gevangen in en als angst in en als de geest.

Ik realiseer me dat ik me verzet tegen een ervaring in mezelf als reactie op harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai, waarin ik angst ervaar mezelf te verliezen, wat een angst is om mezelf zoals ik mezelf ken – als gevoelig en houdend van stilte en een rustige benadering – te verliezen als ik het verzet tegen een gelijk gaan staan aan harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai en mijn reacties hierop stop, laat varen in mezelf, opgeef.

Ik realiseer me dat ik pas echt opsta als ik mijn verzet als wie ik ben als wie ik ken als mezelf in en als de geest, opgeef door te stoppen in mezelf en mezelf te vergeven voor wat er in me opkomt en wie ik hierin ben.

Ik ga met mezelf de verbinding aan om in het moment van harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai, te focussen op mijn ademhaling en te onderzoeken in mezelf waar ik me verzet en waartegen, wat er in me opkomt specifiek, zodat ik mezelf kan vergeven, de ervaring door me heen kan laten gaan en hier doorheen kan ademen.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de tuin en hierin planten en dieren praktisch af te scheiden met schutting en klimop of andere planten als bescherming met gezond verstand, aangezien de meeste mensen op dit moment geen oog hebben voor kleine dieren en planten langs de weg, en ik dit dus dien te beschermen ter behoud van hun leven. Echter dit betekent niet dat ik dan maar kan blijven reageren op de onbehouwenheid van de mens die verkeert in de geest, waarin geen behoud van leven aanwezig is, en mezelf gelijk maak aan de geest in onbehouwenheid van mezelf.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel praktisch te zorgen voor het behoud van leven voor plant en dier voor zover dit op dit moment in mijn bereik ligt en ten eerste voor plant en dier in mijn directe leefomgeving als wat ik zelf in en om huis haal/gehaald heb.

Ik ga met mezelf de verbinding aan te zorgen voor het behoud van leven in en als mezelf door het stoppen, onderzoeken en zelfvergeven van mijn reacties op het horen van harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk en lawaai als wat ik zie en ervaar als onbehouwenheid van de menselijke geest, totdat ik niet meer reageer en stil ben van binnen, een en gelijk aan mezelf en hierin aan alles om me heen, in en als zelfbehoud.

Change as a Process – Reptilians

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 325 – Angst en Stress – Harde stemmen en geluiden

Probleem:

Ik zat gisteren een blog te schrijven, en op de achtergrond waren kinderen aan het spelen in het speeltuintje hier naast de deur. Harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk, lawaai. Ik vraag me af of spelen een passend woord is. Ik merk in mezelf reactie bij ieder stemgeluid, iedere bonk. Angst, samentrekking van spieren in het lichaam, schrikachtig, ergenis.

image

Oplossing:

Ik ga het uitschrijven in/als een karakter. Het lijkt dubbel op – een trucje van de geest –  aangezien ik dit onderwerp al vaker benoemd heb, maar ik heb het niet werkelijk (of onvoldoende) uitgewerkt, en het bestaat in vele lagen. Ik heb de uiterlijke reacties – het leven van de reacties gestopt, dus er is ruimte voor het uitwerken van hoe het binnenin mij bestaat.

Trigger-punt:

Harde stemmen, geschreeuw, gebonk, lawaai

Angstdimensie:

Dat ze niet opletten en de schutting, tuin, planten en dieren kapot maken.

Dat ze niet luisteren als ik er wat van zeg

Dat ze wraak nemen op mij als ik er wat van zeg, en ze alsnog de schutting, tuin, planten en dieren kapot maken.

Verbeeldingsdimensie:

Dat een groep kinderen/jongeren niet oplet, duwend en trekkend door de straten loopt, tegen mijn schutting bonkt, de schutting breekt en de planten en dieren worden geschaad.

Dat er een grote zware voetbal over de schutting heen komt en bovenop een plant of een konijn belandt, waardoor de plant/het konijn ‘kapot’ gaat, dood is of erg veel pijn lijdt en dood zal gaan.

Mezelf getreiterd en gepest, niet in staat om dier en plant te beschermen, in een ervaring van ‘er niet tegenop kunnen’.

Pas maatregelen die genomen worden als het al te laat is en er schade is aangericht, aangezien pas als er fysieke schade is, er gezien wordt wat er gedaan is.

Gedachtendimensie:

Ik moet mezelf hier toch in leren stabiliseren als ik mijn stem wil laten horen in deze wereld, dus dit is een goede oefening hierin.

(Ik weet niet zeker of dit de Gedachte is of een gedachte als Backchat; misschien verander ik iets in de uitwerking).

Backchatdimensie:

Kan dit stoppen?

Ik wou dat ik ergens anders woonde.

Dit is niet normaal

Wie voedt die kinderen op?

Reactiedimensie (Emoties/Gevoelens):

Verdriet, boosheid, irritatie, verongelijking, angst, neerbuigendheid, onverschilligheid, slachtofferschap, onbegrip, opgeven, ongeloof, onmacht

Fysieke Gedragsdimensie:

Samentrekking spieren, samentrekking spieren onderbuik-dikke darm, adem inhouden, hartslag versnellen, oren gespitst, alert / aandacht op de geluiden gericht, schrikachtig – niet goed in het lichaam aanwezig

Consequentiedimensie:

Mezelf terugtrekken, mezelf afscheiden, mijn tuin afscheiden, ego als bescherming opzetten

*

Het is interessant te zien hoe soortgelijke backchat, reacties, fysieke gedragsveranderingen en uiteindelijk de consequenties steeds naar voren komen in het uitschrijven van een karakter.

Wat ik hier zie is mijn gedrag ten aanzien van de wereld, hoe ik me ben gaan opstellen ten aanzien van de wereld, welke getriggerd wordt door de harde geluiden die de kinderen maken waarin agressie doorklinkt, welke natuurlijk de reflectie zijn van hoe de wereld op dit moment bestaat, als gevolg van generatie lange vervolging van de opvoeding van de mens die onbekwaam is uitgevoerd en waarin de gevolgen van ‘kwaad tot erger’ worden, oftewel steeds meer bezeten door de energie-demon in en als de geest. De opvoeding die bij ieder-een onbekwaam is uitgevoerd, ook bij mij, anders zou ik geen angst ervaren, en ik ervaar veel angst; angst voor de medemens en hierin angst voor hoe ik zelf besta ten opzichte van de medemens.

Het is een voorbeeld ‘in het klein’; het is klein in mij aanwezig welke te maken heeft met de omgeving waarin ik ben opgegroeid, die fysiek redelijk stabiel was, maar waar desalnietemin de ongelijkheden duidelijk in aanwezig zijn. Klein aanwezig is net zo aanwezig als Groot aanwezig, de schade is gelijk; het Kleine wordt Groot in de Geest, en schaadt de fysieke werkelijkheid, van het eigen fysiek en/of van de fysieke werkelijkheid buiten zelf. De mechanismen zijn in een ieder aanwezig, met subtiele, individuele verschillen waar een ieder voor en als zichzelf verantwoordelijkheid voor dient te nemen en kan nemen.

Uitwerking met toepassing van zelfvergevingen en zelfcorrecties volgt.

Interessant is de connectie met het onderwerp Angst en Stress zoals wordt besproken in de interviews van de Atlanteans over Stress. Het lukt me nog niet hier een overzicht van te geven dus ik ga eerst uitwerken hoe het in mij bestaat aan de hand van dit praktisch voorbeeld.

Beloning:

Mezelf bevrijden van angst als manipulatie zodat en waarin ik mezelf in staat stel – adem voor adem, dag voor dag – te bewegen, handelen en spreken vrij van angst als manipulatie ten behoeve van/als wat het beste is voor een leven in eenheid en gelijkheid op aarde in en als het fysiek, in mezelf en buiten mezelf, waarin ik me realiseer hoe groot deze taak is die volbracht moet worden, en waarin ik me tevens realiseer dat ik als enige kan beslissen voor en als mezelf om hierin op te staan, en dat een ieder dit voor en als zichzelf dient te beslissen.

Full_atlanteans-the-beginning

Atlanteans – The Beginning

Beginnen bij het Begin

——————————————————————————————————————

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 204 – Walking as a Buddy – and the fear coming up within this

Assisting as a buddy in the dip-lite course. Where I walked against an ego-point within myself that I didnot see as ego. Where I failed in giving an advise by speaking out of knowledge and information, without being able myself to walk this with the person in specifity but not realizing this, believing that I did the right thing, that I wrote down the right comment. Within this I let others pick up the person after me giving the comment. Well it is not a bad thing that others assist me within this, but I could have prevented this by cross-referencing about the person that I was buddying as I saw from the beginning that I was not the right person to buddy this person, but believing that I must be able to do so. And so within this passing my own capabilities, which is dangerous and coming forward out of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on the writing of the person I was buddying, and within this reacting building up an ego-point which ended in giving a comment that was not immediately wrong but what was too much information given, not totally specified but concluded in a short way coming forward out of an overview that I have within knowledge and information within/as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself unable to get all the information in detail that is given within the interviews and blogwritings, that it is so much that I do not see myself as capable to read and grasp it all, and within this to doubt myself as being able to walk within specifity but only able to walk an overview in/as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself within the comment I gave to a person walking the dip-lite course, not seeing what I was doing at the moment I wrote the comment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in every moment that I have to slow down and realyy see into the situation what I can say and/or write and what not, that I cannot see just put down some information on someone if I am not 100% sure that the person is able to understand and work with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw the person, and so also myself, into depth without being sure if the person do have enough support to stand up in it and without being a 100% sure that I myself can walk with the person in detail as a support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to walk with a person in detail and to walk with myself in detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cross-referencing for fearing giving the wrong answer, and so take the risk that it is the wrong answer by just writing it down, which can have a huge influence on the person which I write the comment by,

so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in fear as more important than the life of another person which I am responsible for at the moment that I write down the comment, which is walking as a buddy in self-interest instead of walking as a buddy as a support what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not totally realize that I am 100 % responsible for every comment I write down, for every word I write and speak, but instead of this just write down what I assume is the best thing, forcing situations instead of leading it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force situations instead of leading it, where the forcing is coming forward out of the mind as consiousness, which is putting responsibility to others who have to correct what I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my responsibility to another person by walking, speaking and writing in/as consiousness instead of taking full responsibility for/as myself as consiousness and only speak what I live in totality, which is actually the point that the person in dip-lite asked for as I see now within this writing, which triggered this point within me as ego-point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I did the right thing by forcing the situation so that the person will move as I saw that there had to be a change somewhere, instead of cross-referencing the situation of the person with people who are available for this, to co-operatie within this and lead the situation into a situation that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk as an individual, to play alone, believing that I have to be able to do this, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can walk this process collectively and ask others, who have more stable experience in this, to support with aligning the process of the person who is walking dip-lite course and within this align my own process as walking a buddy within the dip-lite course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be thrown out as a buddy as not capable to buddy and assist other humans within their process in the dip-lite course and eventually in the dip-pro course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am already ready to be a buddy as I am trained to be a buddy within the support of others with natural medicine, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the overview in the natural medicine and in the mind-processes, but not yet walked the details by myself and always find myself uncapable and having too little understanding and information of walking the detail and specifity of the body and mind-processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know to how ever become capable to walk in detail the body and mind processes, as it is so much information to grasp that I believe that I will never grasp it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to grasp it all before I can walk as a buddy as/for myself and others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can walk as a buddy as far as I walked myself  and lived myself what I am speaking, as this is what I am able to walk with them as a living example, and that I can walk the detail what I walked myself in detail and for the rest leave the detail to others until I grasp it myself, and ask their support within this if I see I am not able to do it myself.

I commit myself to slow down within walking the process within myself, so that I can see more detail within my own mind/consiousness, which will support me to assist myself in stop participating within the mind-processes.

I commit myself to slow down in every comment I write to a person, and within this to be absolutely sure in what I write as the best thing, and if I am not, I ask for assistence to people who are placed in the possition to assist within this process.

I commit myself to cross-reference my comments if I am not 100% sure of what I am writing as I see that I not totally lived my own words.

I commit myself to only write what I see as that I am 100 % capable of to walk this as myself with the other person as a support. If I see that I cannot walk this process what I write and the eventually outcome of what I write, with the other person as a support, that I will not write this as this is than only writing out of knowledge and information. I realize that only if I am capable of walking my own words as a living example and to stand with the other person within the eventual outcome of my own words in totality, I am ready to write and speak these words as than I am speaking and writing as myself as what is best for all. If I have any doubt in this, I stop, I breathe, I cross-reference and/or give another comment that I can stand within as myself.

I commit myself to see in every comment I write if it is aligned with the material that is already given within the course to the person, and if I see that the person needs more supprt than is given within the course, I ask for assistence to the person who are placed in the position to assist with this.

I realize that I first walk my own process as walking my own mind, and if this is taking time, than it is so. As I see that I can only walk effectively as an example as a buddy for others as I walked the process myself first. This I combine with practising being a buddy within the dip-lite course with the assistence of Maya, Marlen, Lindsey and Robert if/when necessary which will support myself within my own process.

I commit myself to stop myself in walking as an individual within/as consciousness and to open up for walking collectively to support each other to stand up in/as life.

I commit myself to stop myself in/as fear to walk collectively as within fear I am only manipulating myself in/as consiousness to protect myself as a mindsystem in self-interest, which will not only have an affect on myself but also on other peoples life as the starting-point within this is self-interest, although it is coming forward out of fear. I realize I as fear as consiousness will keep myself in position as fear as consiousness as protection – which is not even a real protection – but a protection as an illusion in/as self-interest.

Whenever I see the fear coming up, I stop, I breathe. I am gentle with myself and see what I fear, so I can support myself with walking out of this fear as an illusion, as I realize this fear will not bring me safety at all but is coming up as an indication that I seperated myself within a point of self-interest as an illusion of protection, which is giving the fear of loosing this illusion of self-interest as protection.

I commit myself to slow down myself and stay with myself within this fear as seperation and not leave myself alone within this fear without considering what is going on, as I leave myself behind, I am seperating myself even more and create more fear within this. So I stay with myself, I breathe, I see what I fear, I see my desire and what I fear within this as the opposite (thanks Larry), and walk myself out of this fear, breathe by breathe untill it’s done, no matter how long it takes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave myself behind in fear in seperation of myself within myself, where I created the opposite of self-trust which is self-fear, and within this fearing myself as consiousness as the mind in seperation of myself as life and making myself inferior as myself as consiousness.

I commit myself to take myself serious as a mindsystem as consiousness, as I see, realize and understand that I created myself within this, and I have to take responsibility for what I created myself, otherwise the creation will suppress the creator in/as fear, which is not necessary as I am the creator in the first place. Within this I see that creator and creation are equal, and within this able to co-operate to stop the seperation between creator and creation as what is best for All as creater AND creation, as I see they are equal and become one if there is no longer a seperation between them as fear.

So within the fear, there is the key to stop the fear as seperation, to walk together, creator and creation, in supporting each other equally to become one as self as life.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com / http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life