Dag 695 – The body-being-mind relationship – The influence of memories

memories

I was having a Kinesiology chat/session with Kim where I was asking for more context about an experience of ‘being ignored’ and in relation to the influence of my reactions (spiraling out) on my physical body. Here I will describe a small part of the chat that I would like to point out.

What came forward is a primary pattern where I react with confusion, anxiety, insecurity, submission and terrified in relation to people’s emotional patterns in general (so not just to specific emotional patterns).

What here came forward for the second time as being related, is a memory; though it is a memory that I do not recognize, but where I saw myself only keeping on looking into the relation to my parents. Then what came forward is that it would be related to a memory that I downloaded from one of my parents, meaning that it is not a memory of something that I have been part of in my life, but a memory from my parents that they did not have been (able to) work on to stabilize themselves within and so the memory kept playing a part of them and had been transfered to me (I can not yet describe here how this happens specificely – it has to do with the integration of the mind-systems within our physical bodies and how things are being transfered from parents to their children).

From what I understand now, is that with this downloaded memory underneath – where probably these emotions were experienced – I developped going into these emotions (confusion, anxiety, insecurity, submission and terrified) in relation to people’s emotional patterns in general. This is as far as how I see it and this is actually the primary point for me to work with.

This ‘download’ happened on the more deeper levels of my mind-body integration (on an unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical level) and so it influences how I experience myself and how I behave/act.

This is what I could very much relate to as how I describe here in our chat:

Ingrid  Schaefer: aha
Ingrid  Schaefer: that makes sense, also why I Always feel so ‘stuck’ without being able to see something related
Ingrid  Schaefer: my father is emotional a very closed person and it feels like I have more downloaded from him and my brother from my mother, if this is possible.
Ingrid  Schaefer: my chest is releasing now, this left side point
kim amourette: “my father is emotional a very closed person and it feels like I have more downloaded from him and my brother from my mother, if this is possible” – yes
 kim amourette: “that makes sense, also why I Always feel so ‘stuck’ without being able to see something related” – yes as well
Ingrid  Schaefer: cool

And this pattern influences why I react to what I describe as ‘being ignored’ by some male I have been close with and these reactions come actually on top of this initial reaction pattern where in I have not yet directed myself effectively, as this is just opening op and it is making the reaction pattern on this male’s behaviour worse.  The reaction pattern on this male’s behaviour, is actually a distraction of the primary pattern that I need to work with. What I do see in relation to the male’s behaviour is the following:

Ingrid  Schaefer: I can see it related to others emotional patterns in general. In relation to this memory, I need some more time, I will have to see some more in emotions within me related to my father, that I may have created as reaction to downloaded memories, a bit as ‘carrying the load’ for him – this is what I see myself as well doing in relation to this male
Ingrid  Schaefer: so I start doing the work when he is walking out, and also to try to ‘prevent him’ from emotional reacting and then walking out
kim amourette: cool yeah looks like you got the point

Then what came forward is that the primary pattern is effecting my sleep, where in I do not so much see this in ‘not well sleeping’ but more in ‘waking up tired’ and general fatique. (And for myself, I experinece this ‘being stuck’ within my chest/lung-heart area and large intestine).

These inner experiences and how I behave and act, as patterns that I have created over time, are for myself to walk through, to understand, forgive and change myself within, step by step and very specific. Because this is my responsibility, I created this, although the memory was not ‘from me’. In the rest of the chat we walked through more specific dimensions to start opening up this primary point.

What I want to bring forward here, is that this small example underlines for me how important it is to become aware of how my own mind functions and how the mind in general in functioning, how many dimensions are involved here and how this has an effect on my experiences, behaviour and physical body. And, if I do not have access to this information, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to really come to clarity and forgiveness within myself. Because I will keep looking in the ‘wrong’ direction and let myself distract with this.

I also will not be able to really forgive myself, because I do not really understand what I need to forgive and what makes me feeling ‘stuck’ for example and here I will keep on searching and searching for context and even creating new reactions and relationships in this, within my own mind and I will – on a certain level within me – keep on blaming other’s behaviour for how I experience myself and “so then in that point of blame also not considering that my reactions don’t necessarily have anything to do with his behaviour per se (in this specific situation with this male’s behaviour), as my reactions come from deeper levels”.

This is a small example of how I see how our Healthcare in general, needs to be expanded in so many levels. So that we all can receive the best possible support to learn to support ourselves. This is a vision for the future, where many things needs to be changed in the world to make this possible. However on a very small scale, within some individual processes, it is already happening and this is part of how it shall be walked, from the very small within and from here, influencing our relationships and slowly expanding towards the world around us. And this will take time and there is much to investigate.

To be continued.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

For related interviews to memories click here.

head-brain righthead brain grey

 

 


 

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


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Uil forgive

 

 

 

 

 

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Dag 589 – The mind-body relationship – The pain of allowance, within and without

remove-the-cords-self-change-deschooling-desteni_thumb

Yesterday evening around 10 pm, a cramping pain came up in the large intestine at the height of the right ovarium. This is a place where from time to time, I experience cramping. It is a cramping that asks all my attention and I need to sit down and look what is going on where the sitting gives some physical support on my lower back (which is comfortable, especially because I am also having my period). In the hours before there did not so much happen, I had written out a time-line within my DIP Pro lesson and I did not experience a particulair emotion. So I started to look back through the day to see if I could find anything related. I do this by focussing on the pain and ‘scroll’ within myself through moments during the day that stood out for me. I also from time to time, lay down on the ground or on the bed and push firm and gentle on the painfull spot to see what emotion is stored here, especially when it is coming up in the morning and I often find it related to ‘sentences’ as assumptions with related emotions that I have stored in the past without being aware of it and/or without willing to be aware of it.

However yesterday night I started with scrolling through the past day. I entered a moment, looked into possible reactions/emotions within myself and see if there is any movement within the specific/painfull area. I entered a conversation that I had with a woman at work that made an impression on me. The woman had been in the store once before for some physical support and she came back for some new products and told me that what we had discussed and that what she took home, was giving the support that was required. She told me that she wanted to ask me a question and that I could decide to answer or not answer. Her question was how many males and females talks to me about sexual abuse and how much this subject is, from my perspective, ‘in the open’ so to speak. She shared that she was writing a book about the subject of sexual abuse and she mentioned some numbers that were very high and that The Netherlands is one of the countries where it takes place very often. She mentioned how investigations gave numbers of relations between for example intestine-problems and sexual abuse and between crimes and sexual abuse, meaning that from 70% of the intestine-problems and from the crimes that took place, there was sexual abuse involved where in females tend to manifest this more intern (physical) as problems and where males tend to manifest it more extern as problems as ‘crimes’.

I was deeply touched by what she mentioned, also in relation to the amount of males that are subject of sexual abuse, used as a way to control, for example in war-area’s and how they rarely speak about it because ‘they should be the ones that are protecting the family’.

A few months ago, I noticed a similar physical reaction within myself, related to facing the abuse in the world in/as a ‘wake-up moment’ and suppressing my reaction on this as supressing/hiding the reaction of pain for what is happening in this physical world and I experience this suppression as cramping inside the lower area’s of the large intestine where I can hardly stand anymore, I need to sit or lay down and support myself to release the pain.

This previous event was related to animal-abuse and happened while I was listening/realising how the chickens that everyone is eating on a daily base, are treatened and prepared. As soon as I allow myself to face the abuse in the world and allow myself to experience the related emotional pain, the physical pain releases. Actually in this moment, I stop the separation here within and as myself – the separation from my emotional reaction on the abuse in and as this world – and as soon as I stop suppressing my emotional reaction and instead, start taking responsibility for my reaction in and as the application/living of self-forgiveness, I stop the abuse on myself/my physical body. This was also yesterday evening. I look, I see, I allow myself to experience the emotional pain and if necessary, speak out self-forgiveness until it is releasing and/or to find where the pain is related to.

There was also a personal aspect related to the mentioning of the relationship between sexual abuse and intestine-problems. It was a realization inside myself as ‘you see, it is indeed related’. In my life, there has not been taken place some actual physical sexual abuse, however at a young age there were incidents from sexual intimidation within for my experience an ‘innocent relationship’, where the incidents have been of great influence on my behaviour and general expression. It was all so very subtile that it is easily to be surpressed and ‘swept’ away as ‘of not so much importance’ and at the same time I am/was every moment aware of the influence that I allowed it to have on me, in almost every aspect of myself. Lately I am facing more of the incidents/events as memories and within this seeing how and where to take responsibility for myself in it and stop defining myself as how I reacted within this events which I developped into a personality.

The realization gave a release of the guilt that I experienced with regards to my physical conditions as having a sensitive digestion and spastic colon, as if ‘everything was my own fault’ in this. It is not ‘my fault’ but it is indeed and only my responsibility to take care of myself within this condition as my physical body that I live in. I am the only one who is responsible for myself and/as my mind in and as my physical body, as I am the only one who can see how I created all the relationships within and as myself, from and as memories as events during my life and although there is DNA involved and preprogramming, it is still the mind that I allowed to evolve in and as myself and the body that I live in and that is my responsibility; only I live day and night with and as myself, in and as my physical body that I can call ‘mine’ in a way, so it is my responsibility to take care of, in and as myself (where we should take into consideration how everyone and everything is of influence on each other in this physical existance and how easily this physical existance can be harmed).

There are many dimensions involved here where in the suppression of emotional reactions do have an influence on my physical body, that I have allowed myself many times throughout my live, if I take in consideration the condition of a the spastic colon that I have allowed/created to exist in and as myself. Central in this, is the acceptance and allowance of the emotional reactions as self-abuse, as reactions on abuse that is happening ‘to me’ and/or that is happening in this world and from here, suppressing it within my physical body where I try to separate myself from the experiences that gives and showes the pain and abuse. Which is actually a form of denial. Because, “Once you’ve Allowed Abuse, you’ll become Abuser”.

(Source: Interviews from the Farm 60: Candida and Self abuse)

The pain and abuse that we accept and allow within this existence, we can not deny and hide from it; it is here within ourselves, within and as our physical bodies.

Accept and Allow – Contract with Death: Day 22

Accepteren en Toestaan – Het Contract met de Dood: Dag 22 (vertaling)

desteni-i-process

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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