Dag 796 – The effect of writing

Art by Andrew Gable

I have written a blog in Dag 794 – A moment of change where in I found out the following:

” So this means in this example, that what I am used to do and look at within myself is the following way: “Can I have a drink now and then at home alone, although I see that this is not best for myself eventually and so I ‘know’ in a way that somehow/somewhere I need to (and will) stop this/step out of this again? And then I ‘check’ within myself if I see myself able to stop/step out of it in the the future”. If the answer is “yes, I can stop/step out of this in the future when and as needed”, then I decide many times to still ‘do it’ and actually ‘go get my bliss’. Until ‘I am done’ with it or until I cannot have it anymore, and then I stop. And then I need to walk through the build up layers again of emotional/feeling release. So I am actually used to walk through points the long way and more or less even believed that I ‘have to do it like this’ in many occasions.”

In this blog I took an example of drinking a glass of wine at home; however I have seen myself doing this in different situations where an ‘energy-addiction’ is involved – meaning where I want to experience something before I am willing / able to stop it. This is so I see now, actually a form of self-manipulation and when others are involved – as for example within starting a relationship before being totally clear on the possibilities of it – then it automatically includes a manipulation towards another as well, although my intention is not to ‘manipulate’. But my starting-point contains this – maybe subtle – energetic self-manipulation and so, my starting-point will determine the outcome and so manipulation will take place in some form. And what I accept and allow within myself, I will accept and allow in another as well and so the reflection of this inner self-manipulation will show itself in the situation and / or within another and often in a larger degree, so that I will not miss it.

After writing the blog, I noticed that I now have seen this point, this tendency to firstly ‘follow the energy before stopping and pushing myself to the edge before I stop’ and so actually….I am not able to accept and allow myself to do this anymore. So now, when I do see a situation where in I am not 100% clear or sure, I am not able to accept and allow myself to ignore the ‘nagging presence’ in the background and move on with it anyway, in some way ‘hoping’ that it will solve itself miraculously, because I now have seen, realized and understand that it will not solve itself miraculously but the outcome / consequence will show exactly that what I have ignored at first in my starting-point.

This is an example of how the writing out of one practical example – if and when done from a starting-point of self-honesty and self-direction – will very much support with this one general point / tendency in many occasions in my life. This also shows how resistance or even rejection can be experienced with regards to the writing, because I ‘know’ on some level that the writing will be effective and reveal some ‘energy-addictions’ that I accept and allow to distract or actually, manipulate myself with and behind this I find a ‘fear of loss’ of this energy and the experience that it is giving. This experience of ‘fear of loss’ is showing itself as very real, because I made it real, by living it at first, by ‘building a life’ on ‘this belief’ so to speak and so the effect may give an experience of ‘collapsing’ and ‘walking through hell’, as in letting go of the illusions that I was holding on to. Illusions meaning, thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, hopes, dreams and what more, that all seem very ‘real’ in the mind but that is not grounded in a realistic, physical foundation.

So with the writing, I am able to quantify my process and walk it ‘faster’ in a way. I mean, I will walk through all the illusions anyway, also by first following my mind and then needing to let it go again, which is ‘the hard way’ as the letting go can be quite horrible to walk through. With the writing, I do have a tool to support myself, to start preventing myself from following the energy, from following that what is actually not best for myself in self-honesty and so, not best for all in self-honesty. Also here, there is a moment of letting go – as how I described in the blog as well – but it almost directly includes a moment of change, because I did not build up so much layers around it, I did not attach myself in all these layers (that I need to walk back and detach myself from and this ‘hurts’ emotionally) and so the way is much shorter and much more stable.

This is actually what we have done through our whole lives – building layer after layer, following the energy and ‘building a life’ on false beliefs in a way, despite our intentions being ‘good’ in it. One can imagine that walking back does take time, dedication and persistence, as these layers are integrated in our life and our physical bodies. We have become it in a way and we believe that ‘this is who I am’. And, we all did this, we have build relationships on this and so we actually have build a world (through relationships) on this foundation from and within a manipulative starting-point (energy). And this is very much visible in the world and how we exist today in totality. For more context read Relationship Dynamics

I will continue with some self-forgiveness on this point in a blog to come.

As a short feedback after writing the mentioned blog: There are no thoughts coming up anymore in relation to drinking this glass of wine when being at home. In the beginning it did come up now and then and with the support of this blog I was able to directly let it go and as I notice now, it is not a point anymore, it is not coming up as a possibility or desire or need and mostly not even as a thought anymore. That is great self-feedback and self-proof after walking layer after layer as a process through the years of what process actually entails.


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Uil forgive

Dag 794 – A moment of change

I am used to drink little to no alcohol. This has not always been the case. During my studying years, I did go out a lot and used more alcohol than was good for my body. So I mostly was drinking with others in the weekends or on free days, however I also remember having some wine in the house and then on Wednesday, started taking a glass in home when being alone and then used some up till the weekend again. I did not feel so well with this and also not with the effect of it and at some point, I decided to stop this because I noticed an addiction pattern in it that bothered me, no matter how small the amount was as for example ‘only one or a half glass of wine’.

Through the years, I brought down the intake up till the point of little to no drinking at all. I still liked the taste of a nice glass of wine but I have seen so much trouble around me and close to me through an abusive intake of alcohol, that I developed a bit of a dislike towards drinking alcohol in general.

I am now living alone again and I noticed that I sometimes felt the ‘need’ (behoefte-Dutchto drink a little wine when being at home and alone, for example ‘a glass of wine before/during cooking’. I tried this out a few times, looking at how to approach this and what the effect is on myself. I was looking at allowing myself to sometimes have a glass of wine during cooking, or deciding to not drink alone at all and keeping a glass of wine as a form of enjoyment when being with someone else – for example a friend or a family member. I still did like the first few sips very much:, the taste and the ‘warm’ effect in the body. But I also noticed the same ‘pattern’ as twenty years before coming up when drinking a glass of wine in the house: I was ‘looking forward to this’; I had an ‘open bottle’ in the house (even when I buy bottles of 250 cc I have this open till next time) that I then tend to take the next day ‘because it is open’; I did feel a bit ‘fuzzy’ after drinking it. Things like that.

After a few times, I decided to not buy this small bottle for myself to keep in the house. At one afternoon, I felt like ‘having a glass of wine’ and was looking if I should buy some or not and how to put this in place for myself. I actually and self-honestly, wanted to keep this drinking for some occasional enjoyment when for example being with a friend and/or having a nice diner, something like that, but I also liked the taste when having a little by myself. However I did not like ‘being busy’ with this in my head, every time that I start cooking for example. I did notice this ‘need’ keeping existing and coming up within me as to fulfill something within myself in these moments. And in that moment, that afternoon, I changed something.

I decided to not go for this ‘need’ and to stick with my initial approach (to occasional have a nice drink together to enjoy as a delicacy). There was this one moment where I needed to walk through an experience of ‘emotional loss’ – I cannot describe exactly what it was. But I noticed, because I had not allowed myself to build it up through time again, that it was only that one moment that I needed to stand with/as myself in this self-honest approach, before the energy decreased and I was through.

In this moment I did see clearly that a build up through time makes it difficult to keep standing when an energy is coming up and ‘trying to take over’ so to speak. This gives many layers and emotional/feeling connections that needs to be ‘disconnected’ and released, that makes it feeling like ‘undoable’ and immens. But in this moment, I saw what the direct way of ‘not accepting and allowing’ is giving me: a strength and deep satisfaction and after this, time and quietness to focus on other things. Because I did not accept and allow to let it become an issue and distraction again.

I was able to do this quickly because I had already walked this path extensively and going there again was not needed to piece myself together. However it now also gives myself a reference of the ‘reward’ so to speak (the peace, satisfaction, quietness and space) of directly/immediately standing with and as my self-honesty – although I may not see everything that is connected on forehand. Where I did see that I am used to check on forehand within myself, ‘if I am able to step out again if needed’. So this means in this example, that what I am used to do and look at within myself is the following way: “Can I have a drink now and then at home alone, although I see that this is not best for myself eventually and so I ‘know’ in a way that somehow/somewhere I need to (and will) stop this/step out of this again? And then I ‘check’ within myself if I see myself able to stop/step out of it in the the future”. If the answer is “yes, I can stop/step out of this in the future when and as needed”, then I decide many times to still ‘do it’ and actually ‘go get my bliss’. Until ‘I am done’ with it or until I cannot have it anymore, and then I stop. And then I need to walk through the build up layers again of emotional/feeling release. So I am actually used to walk through points the long way and more or less even believed that I ‘have to do it like this’ in many occasions.

This is not the most effective way and I can distract myself with this a whole life (and actually I have distracted myself with this many many years already). I now for the first time saw direct the effect of accumulation of energy and what it takes to walk through this and how I can instead, bring myself more and more to this direct/immediate point of standing and change in a moment. And this then can also start accumulating, in a beneficial way, for myself and life as a whole, into and towards my self-honest standing; moment by moment, breath by breath.

After this it did not come up again as a ‘need’ or desire’ to have a glass of wine in the house alone and this is a relief. A thought may come up now and then but not loaded with energy anymore and so not much of my attention is going to this point anymore. That was what I noticed in this one moment of change, that I stand and changed and released and I was through and it was done. Because I had not build up a lot of energetic attachments around it again/anymore. And when it comes up as a thought, I am satisfied with my decision/approach/stand and so I can ‘stand with/as myself’ in this.

As an addition, I decide to drink an occasional glass of wine with others, because this is what I can self-honestly stand with and enjoy as a delicacy; when I at the same time have already proven to myself as walked before, that I will let go and stop drinking any glass of wine if I see that this is better/best for me and/or others in my life in time to come or in a certain period of time.


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Uil forgive

Dag 787 – The experience of neutrality

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed all my relationship-experiences to be defined within/as the categories of either “positive/negative/neutral” all of which originate from the starting-point of “experience” as I “experience” positivity/negativity/neutrality – when in/as substance as equality and oneness, my standing With all as me is not based within experience or categorized within positivity/neutrality/negativity because I in fact Am all as me in equality and oneness, which is not an “experience” it’s a living/beingness standing. In this, I have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest my relationship-lines within/as energy as “experience” to/towards all as me as either “positive/negative/neutral”. Equal-to and One-with the World-System as Money’s relationship to/towards humanity – categorized within experiences / as living physical experiences of human beings with the “Positive” as those with the most Money/more than they require, “Neutral” as those of humanity that live comfortably with Money that have enough and “Negative” as those of humanity with little to no money at all.”

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?

I am noticing within myself how I am constantly trying to bring myself in a ‘state’ of neutral energy, that where I feel ‘comfortable’ in and safe and relaxed in a way. That experience that I ‘know’ as ‘everything will be alright’. And I am doing this automatically, so I am/was not really aware that I am/was doing this. I did notice how I was everytime again trying to move myself to this state and then relax for a moment, thinking and believing that this is where I ‘need to be’ but I was not aware of the fact that this ‘state’ is not ‘who I am’ or should be or where I should be. It is merely creating an experience of constant fear within me; fear of loosing this state of experience and reacting to all and everything that is interrupting this energetic state.

I recognize this as the ‘neutral’ energy state that Heaven’s Journey to Life has written blogs about in the beginning. A neutral state that we all create within our subconscious mind and related to family and how we grow up – well from what I understand of it in a simple way. So it is not the ‘neutral’ of ‘being here’ and not reacting, but actually an energetic state between the positive and negative that ‘seems’ like ‘this is me’. But this is really to question and merely something I move around subconsciously (and from what I now realize while reading the blog of Day 6 – related to how I grow up living comfortably with having enough money to live from – interesting).

I found this a very interesting realization, because it gives a tool for myself to stop the constant experience of fear. What I notice in this realization, is that I do not need to react to so many things in a subtile way and that I do not need to live in an experience of constant fear, if I stop trying to attain this neutral energetic state; then actually all these outer and inner stimuli, do not need to disturb me. Because I do not have to ‘loose’ anything or ‘try to go somewhere’ and this creates much more space to look into myself and into the stimuli and how to move myself within this all.

I notice here that I choose to use the word ‘move myself’ instead of ‘direct myself’ and that I experience resistance on the word ‘directing’ so that is something to investigate within/for myself.

This realization doesnot mean that everything is now solved (and also this does not mean that ‘I can live without money’ or something because we all in this world as how it exists today, need the money to create a life for ourselves and each other), altough this seems so for a moment when this realization takes place. I now have to actively apply myself according to this realization and remember myself for doing so and then moving through the more challenging moments.

In the next blog I will write some self-forgiveness on this and here already some self-forgiveness with a link to the blog of Day 6 in Heaven’s Journey to Life.

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the continuation of such relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity throughout my existence without change – because when/as I would change such relationships, I have come to believe that who I am will cease exist, not realising/seeing/understanding that the illusion of me as Energy will cease to exist – but who I am as substance/equality and oneness remains/is here and always has been here. But I have separated myself from me as substance/equality and oneness to such an extent, that I have come to believe that all I am is Energy/Experience, and so continued existing as this belief and continued my relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity to/towards all that is me to ensure my continued survival as the Energy/Experience I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become.

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?


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Uil forgive

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

 

Continuing from Dag 765 – Abandoned

Abandoned

After sitting with myself and the cats, speaking self-forgiveness on what is coming up within me while focussing on the area of my physical body around pelvic and lower belly area:

Ovaria’s; at the high of

Not feeling worthy as a woman without having children

Like failed

Not on a consiousness level but deep stored within me and even not knowing where it comes from, other then through generational lines and/or passed lives, from which I understand that what I live in this life is enough to take on, as in this life I live the same sort of patterns as probably in many lifes before and only by now I have the tools to step forward, to stand up in it for and as myself, with the application of self-forgiveness, self-correction and living words as the beginning of self-expression in this process.

An experience of ‘failure’ on a belief that I first took on as something that I needed to reach as how it is also placed in the world, as if the only way of living or passing life, is through giving birth through children instead, of birthing ourself as life from the physical in actively deciding within awareness who we are in thought, word and deed and living this decision as well. So ‘the world’ is mostly showing as if ‘building a family’ or giving birth to a child,  is the only way to ‘birth life’ and through trying to attempt this, I am missing myself as a real living being mostly and ‘missing the point’ completely in this state of survival.

Not having given myself the chance to really ‘choose’ or decide in this because of already taken on this belief and so follwing up on this, while at the same time noticing several hesitations in it, however still following up on this ‘automatic/programmed belief’. And within this, causing myself a lot of sadness and grief.

I stillcould feel this deep stored within me with still emotions attached (after a whole serie written about this that starts here). Feeling abandoned in this, feeling like ‘no man would stay with me if I am not carrying/have carried their child’. Abandoning myself within a self-created belief of failure.

Also, deep sadness for all the ‘homeless’ in this world including animals and the suffering from this. Homeless, also like abandoned.

Sitting with Snoo the cat from who I picked up (and confirmed without me sharing this, via someone who is picking up some signals from animals – this is not a ‘real communication with animals’, for some more information about this I would recommend the interviews that start here) that she would have liked to have little kittens but where is decided for her to get sterilized. Which in this situation (she lived as a cat from the street in Egypt and came via a shelterhouse to my house) and in this time where we live, is the best to do. However, these decisions are made without including the animals in it. Which I still felt sad about and I took responsibility for this experience of ‘guilt’ through apologizing as a human being, as asking forgiveness for humanity as a whole in who we are at the moment with regards to animals. This gave great release from the experience of guilt, within taking responsibility as a human being, for something that I did not directly do myself to her but the ‘species’ I belong to does within a world that we have all acccepted and allowed to exist within separation from life and so, I am responsible as well.

Additional self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my reproduction-system and ability to reproduce, related to the sex-system and love-system and within this, making myself myself inferior to ‘life’ as myself as life, within a separation of myself in an accepted and allowed belief in the self-created reality of the ‘love-system’ and the sex and reproduction that is connected within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to see and live myself as an individual and satisfied living being without ‘being related’ to a child and/or partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure if and when I do not succeed to maintain a pregnancy and/or intimate relationship, as if this are the only two ‘purposes’ in life to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on a deep level, tend to compromise myself for within my fertile years, an attempt in trying to get pregnant and during and after this, an attempt in trying to get or maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the new and open area of giving myself and living a purpose within, as and for myself, that is not related to pregnancy/motherhood or a personal intimate relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it quite rediculous that I have accepted and allowed and accept and allow, so much distraction within and as myself by moving into and living out the love, sex and reproduction system, where in I at the same time see, realize and understand that within and embracing myself of who I am within this, I will be able to forgive, correct and change myself and the relationship with myself in this as a fundament for relationships with others and from here, ‘breathing life’ into myself and redefining love, sex and reproduction towards supportive area’s for myself and others as what is best for life as a whole, as an area to live, learn, grow and expand as individual and responsible living beings.

I notice that the left-bottom side of my large intestine is giving signals now of ‘pain’ or crampings, that is already here for minutes but that I at first did not bring into my awareness, so much am I used to this coming and going of these cramping pains and en emotion related to this that I have not yet defined and forgiven, however it releases a bit when now noticing and mentioning it.

Some words that come up: inferior, diminishing, unworthy, not allowed, accepted limitations, shut down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down and stop expanding myself after an attempt of fulfilling a pregnancy or relationship and so, making this area the ‘only way or possibility’ to expand within and as myself and here limiting myself in my individual grow and making myself dependent on the will and responsibility of another to grow and expand within a relationship and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my will to grow and expand, dependent on the will to grow and expand of (the presence of) a partner.

The overall word here: dependency

Which is something to bring back to myself as in self-dependency in and as the will to live and to stop the mind-dependency in and as the polarity of the energy-generation (as in for example the system of love, sex and reproduction).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in an experience of missing and distracting myself within this, where in I see, realize and understand how I create this experience within and as myself, through accepting and allowing a ‘building of relationships’ on the (unconscious) starting-point of the ‘love and sex-system’ and in the hope and expectation of the ability to transform this into an absolute unconditional relationship and sharing, where in the real missing is the missing of an absolute unconditional relationship with another human being, that I have channeled into the sharing of myself within the physical intimicy within ‘love and sex’ or ‘love as sex’ within a partner-relationship and so creating a dependency on each other on short-term, within and as the belief/fear and so judgement, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time’ in walking towards the individual starting-point of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and so judge, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge myself in my own will and ability to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility without another human being as a partner and from here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge a partner for leaving me and so, taking away the ‘free will’ of another in making their own decision in what to walk and how to do this towards a point of self-responsibility, as I restrict this to ‘staying with me’ as the only or ‘best’ way and so, becoming ‘forcing’ in this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fail’ by going into reacting from a starting-point of ‘fear of loss’ and here, start ‘forcing another’ who is picking up and reacting to this ‘force’ and then ‘going away’ and so I am ‘loosing the connection’ that I initially feared to loose and that I now co-created myself in reality.

From here I then go into an experience of guilt and finding as if I ‘failed’ and that ‘it is my fault’ that another goes in which I enlarge the ‘fear of making mistakes’ within myself where in I then enlarge the pressure within myself and reflecting this towards others as well, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am able to do, is taking responsibility for myself in this as how I here, bring a reaction back to self and realizing that if my reaction is causing another to stay or go, that this has to do with what is already going on inside themself that I have triggered with my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost petrify myself within a fear of making a mistake and then causing another lo leave (me), up to the point where I cannot bear the pressure anymore of my own petrification and so, suddenly ‘lash out’ in a reaction with the result of that what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rsult of my own reaction as if it is all my responsibility and within this, trying to take ‘responsibility for two’ out of a fear that another is not willing or yet able to do this by/for themself and so walking away whenever I may react or make a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘staying with me’ or ‘staying with you’ above ‘taking responsibility for and as ourself’ and so, walk from a turned around starting-point which in itself, is doomed to explode and ‘break up’ because the foundation to build on and from, is not yet stable and constant in and as what is best for a life in and as self-responsibility.

And here, an experience of ‘being abandoned’ is created as being abandoned from a (soul?)-connection that is still origined from or connected to a belief or idea within and as the love-/sex-system as ‘being together for always no matter what’ and a fear of standing alone, so actually being abandoned from a continuation of an energy-experience.

To be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


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Uil forgive

Dag 734 – Blame, projection and fear of loss

blame

Following up on the previous blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what it is that I fear within manipulation tactics as in a situation where thoughts are projected on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very tired now when I start writing this blog and experiencing some kind of blankness where in I do not see any point to write self-forgiveness about, as if I only can close my eyes and want to go to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I can never do this’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an unability to do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how to walk through and keep standing within a situation where thoughts and feelings and emotions are projected on me as a form of manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for going away out of reaction in/as fear and within this, enlarging or fueling a possible reaction in another who then also goes away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the other goes away as a reaction on my reaction of going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how to stop this cat and mouse game, other than by going away, which is not what I want or see as a real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally panic when another is going away, however when another is coming within panic to me, I also tend to go away out of fear of the reactions from another when and as I am not doing as how they want or expect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I never satisfy enough and that I am not given the time to see within myself what I want and how to do this and so, feeling like I am  always ‘too late’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to please the other in/as the mind, out of a fear of loss as an experience within myself when another is going away, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in pleasing another in/as the mind, I go away from myself and here I am actually pleasing my own mind as pleasing my own fear (of loss) and so, fullfilling my own fear (of loss) in loosing myself in trying to please myself or/as another in/as the mind, as in a closed circle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that only consequenses will be created where in another don’t see the consequences and I am not able to direct myself effectively within in the consequences and so the point of creation gets lost and distracted in consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make another see the point of blame as projection in/as the mind, so that from here, we can be together, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can not ‘make another see’ and that my starting-point here is actually still in/as the mind located as in a fear of loss and so, I will firstly create the loss as how I fear, through the point of blame as projection on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it frightening how far we all go/have gone in/as the mind to abdicate responsibility, within blame as projections of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions on something or someone outside ourselves, instead of bringing the thoughts, feelings and emotions back to self and start understanding/forgiving where they come from and so, start taking responsibility for ourselves in/as our own mind and stop blaming something or someone within/without.

When and as I see blame/projection towards me or another, within the words/behaviour of someone in conversation with me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I cannot easily ‘make another see’ how the mind exist as a projection-system and so in/as the manifestation of blame, however I do can decide to not participate and to make this clear, for example by walking away, by saying some words or by simply/literally mentioning that I do not participate in a conversation with blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in blame by accepting and allowing it, coming forward out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to do everything good and perfect so that another cannot blame me for anything and through this, the other will eventually bring the point of blame back to self, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that 1. I will also make mistakes that I then need to correct that can be used against me and 2. another will always be able to find something to start blaming with by projecting one’s own thoughts, feelings and emotions on me in some way, when I do not as they are pleased by, and from here, using one’s own thoughts, feelings and emotions projected on me, as a reason to blame me and so, abdicate one’s own responsibility.

I commit myself to not participate in a point of blame, not within myself and not within conversation with another and if I see that I do so, to look within myself what makes that I am doing this, what I fear to loose and take responsibility for this within/as myself through understanding/forgiving myself for this point and participation.

To be continued after investigating Desperation and Communication Awareness as a dimension of creating this ‘picture’ that someone else sees of me and that I then fear to be defined as/blamed for.

the-design-of-fear-of-loss


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

 

 

Dag 406 – Verwachting van financiele steun – zelfcorrecties

Dag 405 – Verwachting van financiele steun

Als ik mezelf zie participeren in en als een verwachting dat mijn ouders mij graag steunen, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik iets verwacht omdat het mijn ouders zijn en ik hun dochter. En alhoewel ik me realiseer dat ouders de beslissing genomen hebben om kinderen te krijgen en om hiervoor te ‘zorgen’, en tevens dat via ouders allerlei patronen worden doorgegeven, wil dit niet zeggen dat ik hier een verwachting op kan baseren ten aanzien van hen. Tevens realiseer ik me dat ik dit verwacht omdat ik zelf nog steeds niet in staat ben geweest om voldoende inkomsten bij elkaar te krijgen om te leven zoals ik zou willen, iets ruimer dan nu, welke mede komt doordat ik juist reken op ‘de back-up’ van mijn ouders. Ten slotte realiseer ik me dat ik altijd 1 uitgave-post het belangrijkst maak – een ‘idealistische’ post – waarmee ik telkens mijn limieten in kleine mate overschrijd en vervolgens deze limieten moet aanvullen met kleine extra’s, en deze extra’s, daarvoor ‘reken’ ik op mijn ouders. Wat me afhankelijk maakt en plaatst in een positie van verwachting. En dus, ik stel mezelf ten doel, mijn uitgaven op mijn inkomsten af te stemmen, hierin te zien wat reeel is en tevens mijn ‘idealistische uitgaven’ – zelfs als voor een wereld die het beste is voor iedereen – in reele mate hierin mee te nemen, waarin ik me realiseer dat als ik hieraan voorrang geef ten opzichte van mijn eigen financiele stabiliteit, dit niet langer ‘het beste is’, want ik plaats mezelf in een positie met enig risico in afhankelijkheid, welke energie genereert in de geest en waarin ik dus mezelf als leven – en zo alle leven in gelijkheid, compromitteer.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie participeren in een ervaring van teleurstelling omdat blijkt dat ‘graag doen’ en ‘dochter’ niet perse gekoppeld zijn, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik in een verwachting participeerde van de ‘mantel der liefde’ waarvan ik weet dat die niet reeel is maar waar ik stiekem wel ‘op reken’ als het mij uitkomt. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, de mantel der liefde niet langer als excuus te gebruiken als ik iets nodig heb en praktisch en reeel te zien wat een oplossing is om te voorzien in de benodigdheden, waarin ik besef dat ik een gift van mijn ouders gerust aan kan nemen en dat ik als het werkelijk het beste is, hen ook om ondersteuning kan vragen, maar dat ik niet bij voorbaat deze giften en steun kan incalculeren, aangezien dit verwachting en afhankelijkheid en een ‘rekenen op’ manifesteert welke me ervan weerhoudt gelijk te staan aan mezelf ten opzichte van mijn ouders.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf walging zie ervaren ten aanzien van mijn ongelijke houding als afhankelijkheid binnenin mezelf, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik niet zelfoprecht geweest ben en dat ik hierin een angst als ervaring van walging gecreeerd heb binnenin mezelf, angst om dit onder ogen te zien en angst om te worden ontmaskerd hierin. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, mijn ervaringen van van angst/walging in en als mezelf te zien, stoppen en onderzoeken op het moment dat ze opkomen en hierin zelfvergeving toe te passen op wat ik tegenkom aan zelfonoprechtheid in mezelf in/ als afhankelijkheid, zodat ik zelf de oplossing kan vinden/worden in en als zelfcorrectie.

Als en wanneer ik me laat leiden/lijden door de waarden van de geest, uitgedrukt in geld als energie, energie als geld, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik ‘extra’ geld nodig heb om mezelf als energie in stand te houden in en als de geest en dat ik een ervaring van ‘tekort’ hierin gebruik om deze energie te genereren welke er niet is als ik geen ‘extra geld’ heb. En zo dus de energie laat circuleren door uitgaven en inkomsten niet exact op elkaar af te stemmen. En dus, ik stel mezelf ten doel, als en wanneer ik me zie participeren in een ervaring van ‘tekort komen’, te stoppen, zelfvergevingen uit te schrijven op de ervaring zelf en in en als zelfcorrectie gelijk te staan aan mijn inkomsten en uitgaven in afstemming op elkaar en oplossingen te vinden voor eventuele werkelijke fysieke tekorten.

Money Agreement: Step 1 – The Soul of Money

Full the interconnection between thoughts energy and light

The Interconnection between Thoughts, Energy and Light

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 238 – Expressie en de Darm – Teleurstelling

Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Dag 233 – Expressie en de Darm – Patroon Verwachting Geloof

Dag 234 – Expressie en de Darm – Eten Klaarmaken

Dag 236 – Expressie en de Darm – De Buik en Taille in de Media

Dag 237 – Expressie en de Darm – Zelfvergevingen op Buik en Taille

From-energy-to-sound-atlanteans-support-part-63

Ik ervaar een ervaring van teleurstelling welke ik heb opgeslagen in de darm. Als de ontlasting een aantal dagen gemakkelijk gaat, en dan opeens een dag niet, ervaar ik deze teleurstelling. Van hieruit gaat het hele mind-construct aan van teleurstelling naar geen zin hebben naar het heeft geen zin naar opgeven. Terwijl ik dit schrijf zie ik dat ik gisteren een teleurstelling in mezelf onderdrukt heb welke ik ervoer als reactie op iets wat iemand zei in mijn omgeving.

Diegene zei dat die, ondanks dat duidelijk was in de dingen waar die tegenop liep, te maken hebben met de macht van het geld – welke die ook beaamde – toch niet voor een gelijk geld systeem wil kiezen. Dit gebeurde allemaal in een paar seconde, waarna ik het onderwerp direct liet rusten aangezien ik voorlopig eerst in zelf verder werk en mijn reacties stop.

Alhoewel er ogenschijnlijk heel weinig leek te gebeuren in dit moment, gebeurde er heel veel. Ik zou het omschrijven als een dodelijk moment. Een heel kort, venijnig moment van afwijzing van wat het beste is en hierin Totale Onderdrukking van Leven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb het gevoel te hebben dat ik het fout doe in staan voor gelijk geld systeem op de wereld als een ander dit heel kort en venijnig afwijst.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb het gevoel te hebben dat ik iets heel ergs heb gedaan door zelfs maar de suggestie van een gelijk geld systeem te noemen als wat het beste is voor iedereen/al het leven, waarin lijkt alsof ik iets genoemd heb waar eigenlijk niet over gepraat mag worden – De Naam Mag Niet Genoemd Worden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb me afgewezen te voelen door degene die zelf niet wil kiezen voor een gelijk geld systeem terwijl diegene wel benoemt en reageert als boos wordt op het bolwerk waar die tegenaan loopt in de materiele wereld waarin diegene niet gelijk behandeld wordt in zaken die te relateren zijn aan geld, welke diegene ook zelf ziet.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te begrijpen waarom diegene niet voor een gelijk geld systeem wil kiezen terwijl toch diegene toch ook duidelijk zelf ziet dat de zaken waar die zich over opwindt, gerelateerd zijn aan de Macht van het Geld waar diegene in dit geval de dupe van is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te begrijpen waar diegene aan vasthoudt aangezien ik diegene altijd heb ingeschat als degene die meer ziet dan ik.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb teleurstelling te ervaren bij het verlies van mijn beeld van diegene als ‘diegene die meer ziet dan ik en die voor me zorgt’.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren voor verlies van diegene die voor me zorgt en altijd gezorgd heeft.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb diegene als de enige te ervaren die voor me gezorgd heeft als ik het niet meer zag zitten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb diegene te zien als iemand die me erdoor heen gesleept heeft als zonder wie ik het niet gered zou hebben, en nu moet ik diegene achter laten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik diegene achter moet laten, in plaats van in te zien dat ik alleen absoluut hoef te staan in/als mezelf als wat het beste is, waarin ik niemand achter laat maar juist Hier blijf/kom, en als diegene beslist ook hier te komen ben ik gewoon hier.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te begrijpen waarom diegene niet wil kiezen voor een gelijk geld systeem, maar het niet durf te vragen uit angst voor de bosheid lol boosheid van diegene als reactie.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren voor de boosheid als BOS-heid als baas als macht van de Geest in Overheersing welke geen ruimte laat voor De Kiem van Leven maar zich ondertussen voordoet als Redelijk Wezen in Rede in/als de Geest welke altijd sneller is in redeneren dan de Beweging van Substantie als Leven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb me te laten misleiden als Overrulen (Overstemmen) door de Snelheid van de Rede van de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mijn Stem als Geluid als Leven te laten overstemmen door de Rede van de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te geloven dat ik als Stem voor Leven me moet verantwoorden tegenover de Rede van de Geest, in plaats van in te zien dat ik me hiermee in de Rede van de Geest Begeef in Verantwoording afleggen aan de Ander, in plaats van Zelfverantwoording te Zijn, Nemen en Leven en mezelf Leven te Geven in Zelfvergeving.

Als ik mezelf zie schieten in Angst voor de Rede van de Geest, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik wegschiet in een fractie van een seconde als manoeuvre om mezelf te beschermen. Ik realiseer me dat ik een switch maak, en in die switch beslis ik in een moment van Gedaante te verwisselen, waarin ik mezelf opgeef ten behoeve van de Vrede in de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mezelf op te geven in een moment van gedaanteverwisseling ten behoeven van de Vrede van de Geest welke ook wel “Gods Vrede” genoemd wordt, en omdat het Gods Vrede genoemd wordt mag hier niet aan getornd worden, want als je hieraan tornt, krijg je de Torn van God de Geest op je afgevuurd.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb weg te schieten uit angst voor de Torn als Schoten als Schieten van God de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb door Weg te Schieten in de Geest als Bescherming, me tevens over te geven aan de Schoten als Torn van God de Geest, aangezien ik me hierin op Zijn Domein Begeef, in plaats van Vergeving te Geven aan Mezelf als De Ander en hierin Leven te Geven en Hier te Blijven in Fysieke Realiteit in/als Stabiliteit in/als Zelf.

Ik realiseer me dat iedereen dit patroon wandelt en dat iedereen loopt te schieten en elkaars schoten probeert te ontwijken of terug te kaatsen zonder te zien dat hierin enorme consequenties gecreeerd worden tot aan wereldoorlogen toe.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de bewegingen als reactie in mezelf op de Torn als Schoten van God de Geest van mezelf en de ander, in te zien, zelf te vergeven zelf te corrigeren en vervolgens de Correctie Te Leven in/als het Fysiek in Realiteit door Hier te blijven en/of komen in de Adem, Stabiel en Constant in Eenheid en Gelijkheid met/als het Fysiek welke Stabiel en Constant Is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb niet te kunnen geloven dat dit patroon zoveel invloed heeft op mijn fysieke darm door een gedachte te creeren als ‘het zal zo’n vaart niet lopen’ en ‘het zal wel mee vallen’, welke een Rechtvaardiging is als Rede van de Geest van wat ik toesta in mezelf en dus in de ander welke razend snel de boel verstopt en dus waarin ik razend snel de boel verstop en Fysieke Verstopping manifesteer in een fractie van een seconde in onderdrukte Razernij.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te onderzoeken waar en hoe ik mezelf onderdruk en verstop in razernij als reactie in/als Angst voor de Rede van De Geest welke ik ervaar als Schoten als de Torn van God de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb hartkloppingen te veroorzaken als fysieke reactie als gemanifesteerde angst van de Geest voor de Rede van de Geest.

Ik realiseer me dat Angst alleen in/als de Geest bestaat, en dus als ik angst als hartkloppingen ervaar komen deze voort uit reactie in/als de Geest welke ik onderdrukt heb in het fysiek.

Als ik hartkloppingen ervaar, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat ik in angst reageer. Ik adem in de ervaring, laat de ervaring door me heen gaan zodat ik gelijk sta als de ervaring en adem uit waarin ik de ervaring loslaat. Indien nodig schrijf ik het moment uit en pas zelfvergevingen en zelfcorrecties toe.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb mijn adem in te houden in momenten als reacties van Schrik in/als Angst door in de Geest te Schieten. Ik realiseer me dat ik mezelf hierin vastzet in/als de Geest door de fysieke referentie als de Adem te stoppen en in plaats hiervan door te gaan/door te leven/te overleven in de Rede van de Geest welke Geleid wordt door Angst.

Ik stop mezelf in/als Angst als reactie als schrik in/als de Geest. Ik Adem. Ik stabiliseer mezelf in/als de Adem en onderzoek mezelf in reactie in de Geest op de Rede van de Geest door het toepassen schrijven, zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie. Dit is voorlopig het Enige wat ik doe ter Ondersteuning van mezelf in reactie, zodat ik mezelf inzie en vrij maak van de Angst als Reactie als Rede van de Geest voor de Rede van de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb plaatsvervangend verdriet te ervaren voor de reactie als Angst van de ander(=de mind), en hierdoor de plaats te vervangen van de ander=de mind.

Ik sta mezelf niet toe de plaats te vervangen van de ander=de mind. Ik stop. Ik Adem. Ik stop elke reactie van verdriet in mezelf welke slechts Beloning is in/als de Geest als Energie Ervaring van mijn Toegift aan de Torn Van God als Rede van de Geest.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb deze Reactie van Verdriet als Beloning in mijn Darmen gemanifesteerd te hebben, en hierin Teleurstelling als Rede voor Verdriet te gebruiken als de Ontlasting niet gaat zoals gewenst, waarin ik opnieuw de Reactie van Verdriet als Beloning creeer.

Ik sta mezelf niet toe deel te nemen in de Beloning van Verdriet als Energetische Reactie op Teleurstelling. In plaats hiervan stop ik, ik adem, Ik Blijf Stabiel Hier en zie wat er voorbij komt als reactie op het vertragen van de fysieke ontlasting, en zie of ik de dag ervoor iets niet gestopt heb in zelf waarin en waardoor ik mezelf vastzet in de Geest en Verstop, wachtend op De Beloning als Vrijwaring. Ik schrijf uit wat ik zie en pas zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie toe in plaats van de cirkel fysiek voort te zetten. Ik zie in dit schrijven dat het vertragen van de fysieke ontlasting aangeeft dat ik te weinig vertraagd heb in de de geest waardoor de geest zich fysiek manifesteert.

Day 302: The Encryption of Systems (Part Three)

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en aanvaard heb te Wachten op Vrijwaring van God de Geest, in plaats van mezelf vrij te maken van de Controle van God de Geest door het consequent toepassen van Schrijven, Zelfvergeving en Zelfcorrectie en mezelf te vertragen in dit proces – vertragen in plaats van stilleggen in de wacht – zodat ik mezelf kan zien in reactie in/als Controle van de Geest waarin ik mezelf ondersteun in de Adem en mijn reacties in de Adem terug breng in het Fysiek, zodat ik de afscheiding van mezelf in reactie kan stoppen.

From-speaking-to-sounding-self-forgiveness-atlanteans-support-part-64

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/