Dag 741 – Can I learn to empathize?

Certain people are ‘by nature’ more empathic than others. It can be so because of how one has grown up; it can be pre-programmed. This doesn’t automatically mean that one is doing ‘what is best for all’ as then again, one can be for example ‘over-empathizing’ and forget to take care of oneself.

However, what if you notice that you do not really be emphatic by nature and so, noticing that this has consequences for others and for self as well? What if you ‘don’t feel’ what it means to be empathic, if you do not ‘feel’ what others may need for example and so, easily walk over others without even noticing?

I can start with an example of myself in this. I can say that I am empathic by nature, I also am a female, who often have learned to develop some empathic qualities. However I have also noticed an aspect within myself where I easily and automatically, could let someone ‘drop down’ or ‘fall down’, within the thought/believe that some can or should take care of that aspect within themselves, without looking further within their nature for example and seeing if they may need some support in this.

Within this, I did not ‘feel’ that I ‘wanted to help’, coming from a starting-point that we each should take care of ‘our own business’, as how I have developped this within myself. What I did feel in this, is quilt, for not being helpful enough, for not giving enough, although no one really had said such things to me. It was more existing on a subtile level where I somehow saw that I could do more but I did not (want to) do this and did also not know how to take this on. With the consequence that I also found it more difficult to receive ‘help’ from others as I found that I did not deserve this (because I was not giving it eather).

So this gave a subtile conflict within myself on the background that was interfering within my social interaction and communication in many ways.

I have in real time walked a path to correct this; first with animals, where I for years, have taken care of quinea pigs and rabbits that became older and needed a lot of support where I had ‘to give it my all’ to get them through as long as possible. I also have walked a relationship with someone who needed a lot of support that I ‘did not feel like giving’ and that I actually ‘did not really want’. But, I did, because then I already understood what it means to start walking by principle. Understanding meaning that I understood the theory of this.

With the animals, I had to step out of an experience of feeling paralized and not being able to take action, also related to a limited amount of money to spend for physical support and from here, not knowing where to start when an animal became ill for example. I have walked many situations with these beings and it was amazing to do this. What was supporting me here, is that I did want to do it for the animals as I really and naturally ‘like’ the animals but I had to step over idea’s of ‘how much you spend and do for an animal like a rabbit or a quinea pig’. Strange idea’s, as if these little animals deserve less care than a bigger animal or a human being. But there was also a fear of ‘not having enough for myself’ in this as a point of self-interest existing within me.

Within the relationship, I learned to walk it because I could see the consequences of what would happen if I would not do the best I could and especially I learned how this would reflect back on me within myself, staying busy with doubts and questions about myself, where experiences of guilt were keeping me busy and eventually ending up within the need to ‘go back and correct myself’ and do it over again. We can also call this a ‘timeloop’. I mainly experienced this whole pattern as a ‘fear of loss’ within me and so, the ‘fear of loss’ did have been the motivation to push myself to do better and still does in many moments – to eventually and while doing so, come to a point of creation, free from this experience inside myself.

But, I did not do this because it felt natural or because I naturally wanted this. I did do this because I had learned – while walking this relationship – what it means to walk in principle and I saw I could do better. So I did not need to ‘feel’ it but could make the decision to walk it anyway, to support another (and so myself) where I can within my capacity and of course from a starting-point of common sense,  to not ‘help’ another with things that another need to learn for self but to support where another did not yet have developped an effective application and where I did not have developped this as well and so, ‘supporting another’ was/is the development in itself for myself as self-support.

This is the great thing about principled living, that in the end, the self-support is supporting another and supporting another, is supporting self.

Why am I writing this blog?

To bring forward that if and when we do understand what it means to walk by principle and when and as we have made the decision within ourself to stand by this and do and develop this every day again, that it is possible to learn for example what it means to live ‘empathy’, not because we ‘feel empathy inside ourselves’ and whatever this may mean, but from a starting-point of ‘giving as you would like to receive’ and ‘considering another’ from a starting-point of principled living within equality and oneness, where every living being deserves to be treated with support where needed and where self-honestly possible.

When I had walk through all of this (it took several years all together), I did came back to my self-will about what I want, within my life, within a relationship and with who I want to walk this, while testing what is practically possible and taking the time to see who I am willing to stand by and walk with as myself and who is willing to do the same with me. However I did have to let go of personal preferences for several years, to be able to stand up and keep standing within my utmost potential and the challenges that this gives every day.

So, empathy does not so much contain an experience or a feeling – although it can be a starting-point for those who do experience this naturally. Empathy can be practically learned and applied within a starting-point of principled living as what is best for all. These principles, they can be described, tested and cross-referenced within a self-agreement and from this agreement with and as self, it can be expanded towards an ‘agreement’ with others (family, friends, colleques, intimate relationships), as simply ‘rules’ that are considering all participants in a way that does not leave anyone behind without being heard or seen but at the same time, supporting each other to create a self-responsibility and self-dependency where needed, to be and become able to stand on our own two feet.

There is much more detail to write about this empathy. Here is a link where one can start walking this agreement within and as self, by first understanding the theory of how we actually function as a human being and also a link to a document where the basic-principles are described and commited to stand by. Without this support, I would not have been able to stabilize and grow as how I did so far and I am very much still learning and expanding in this, still with the support that is available within Desteni and that is practical and applyable in our every day live.


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Uil forgive

Dag 735 – 17. A relationship ending (in the past)

This blog is related to record 17: A relationship ending

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to …

I do not really find a point moving within me while listening to this recording nr 17 – which is cool as then I have this dimension walked through, I also hear this in my voice and how I speak about it. However I can expand some on the subject and on ‘the ending of a relationship’ in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired of ending relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it sad how relationships are ending and then an interaction is often stopping and coming to an end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have difficulties with the word ‘ending’ and actually, want to keep relationships continuing and ‘never ending’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make a ‘never ending story’ out of a relationship where it more sounds like walking in circles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that he ‘should have taken time to sit down and communicate’, where in I do see that I ‘find something’ of a point in this recording, although I do not experience a reaction within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge it as a non valid reason to end a relationship and to ‘expect more’, that he found it too much of an effort and too uncomfortable to sit down and talk once a week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now experience myself how uncomfortable and ‘unknown’ it is to really communicate with a partner and bring forward my selfwill and what I stand for, so much that I myself tend to step back and give up and to use reactions of another as a reason to not push through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a concept in this in my mind, that I can use as a guideline of how to support the communication with a partner, where I do not find any of such as the concepts that I have in/as experience, in/as my mind, do not work at all in a current situation and here I see that in the past with this partner that I speak about in the record, I was placing the communication in a concept that worked for me but not for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I worked with a concept that was supportive for me but not for him, and so I felt comfortable in it but he not and so, I did have a form of control in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to concepts that I know in/as my mind and so that I feel comfortable in, to use as a way to communicate without seeing, realizing and understanding that this concept works for me but not for the other and so by pushing my concept, I keep the control which activates probably an unpleasant and some sort of diminishing experience in the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in place within a concept of communication without really seeing what kind of effect this has on another, because I am convinced that ‘my concept works’, without considering that ‘it works for me’ and how I have myself build up in/as my mind-programming, which is different than how another has build himself or herself up in/as his/her mind-programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I am still working with concepts as a way to try to keep the experience of control alive within/as myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so, I will not birth myself in sound in self-expression, because here will be no concept as control anymore, but more a walking breath by breath, moment by moment that I do not have ‘a concept for in my mind’, but that I will learn by doing so while walking within the guidelines of standing within principle and considering all as myself as life and considering where we are all situated in this process.

When and as I see myself trying to communicate in a way that another is not responding well to, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am pushing my concept of communicating that is comfortable for me but perhaps not for another, and although it may contain principles that are best for all, this doesnot mean that it is directly the best way to communicate.

I commit myself to push myself to try and find ways to communicate that are working for myself as well as for another.

When and as I see myself wanting to give up because a communication is not going smoothly, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have any reference of how to do this, other than walking it in real time and finding ways by applying the principles of what is best for all, within my communication and finding words that will support me in this and from here, can be of support for another and I realize that I will make mistakes in this as a trial and error process, not as ‘I can make mistakes no matter what’ but more as a realistic approach of walking into new area’s.

I commit myself to be gentle and patient with myself in this and I do not allow myself to give up, but rather breathe, step back and take time to find out what I need to align within myself, what experiences are coming up that I need to define, forgive and replace with a supportive word to live and while doing so, slowly slowly create a new approach for myself that is flexible, supportive and alligned within the principles of equality and oneness and that I can use and stand in as self-expression within consideration of myself or another as life.

When and as I see that I compromise or have compromised myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that we are all grown up in compromising situations from the very beginning and so, the compromising words, patterns and behaviours will come up to take responsibility for.

I commit myself to take responsibility for the compromising words, patterns and behaviours that I see coming forward in myself and my life within the application of self-forgiveness and to be aware to not create more energy around this than necessary to walk through, meaning, to not make it ‘more bad because I have compromised myself or another’ but to see it practical and realistic as consequenses that need to become visible and walked through.

When and as I see myself ‘expecting more’ within a communication, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I look from my onw concept towards another and then expect another to understand my concept.

I commit myself to look into the word ‘expectation’ within communication, for/within myself and how to communicate with another without expecting it to be understand or taken on as how I understand and take it on.

A process to be continued…

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Previous blog: 16. Shame and compromising

Next blog: 18. Using emotional manipulation


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Uil forgive

Dag 722 – 10. The fruit isn’t really gone

This blog is related to record 10: The fruit isn’t really gone

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I cannot believe what I have done to myself’ by doing this curettage to take out the fruit from my uterus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do something that I did not really/deeply want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I was taking away a beginning of life out of my body and by not really realizing what I was doing, I gave my power, my self-directive power, so my ‘lifeforce’ so to speak, away to reasons, excuses and justifications in/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel myself more into my mind by giving away my selfdirective power as ‘this is what I want and who I am and what is best for me’ and so for life as a whole, by making decisions that are not considering all dimensions that I am aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore a glimpse of my awareness and within this, give away my strength and my ability to act according to what I am aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand my control, my ‘power’ to enforce a decision in/as the mind, to misunderstand and mix this up with ‘what I want’ and ‘what is best for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take control over myself in situations where in I feel like loosing control, meaning like loosing sight because things come forward that I have never walked before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the possibility of taking direction over myself and how I would like to develop a relationship with my child, different than how the relationship between me and my mother had developped and so, because I feared repeating this same pattern again, I could not allow myself to ‘loose control’ so to speak and continue with this pregnancy and so, the best thing that I saw for myself to do was taking control over this situation and stop that what I had initiated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first be content with this decision to stop what I had initiated and to later on, got stuck within this initiation of what I deeply wanted but without considering all dimensions, and after this, stopping what I had initiated because of again, not having considered all dimensions that now came forward within this initiation and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck within the control in/as my mind in moving forward and holding back at the same time, not being able to effectively move myself through this encryption in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to move through this encryption so to speak and take direction within and as myself within a situation that I have initiated.

When and as I see myself deeply wanting something, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I need to investigate all dimensions that I can see are involved so that I can move myself effectively within a direction to create what I deeply want, this in a way of considering all and everything that I can see that is involved.

I commit myself to no longer ignore what I deeply want/would like to create but instead, investigate all the dimensions that I see that are involved and opening up and from here, walk into this creation in a way that is best for all and everyrhing that I can see that is involved and to adapt along the way, when and as I see that this is needed.

I commit myself to allow myself to initiate that what I deeply want in a way of considering the life within, in what is or will be involved, including myself and my own capacity on a physical, mind and beingness level so that I am sure that I am able to stand and keep standing in that what I initiate.

When and as I see or experience myself as ‘being stuck’, within the experience itself or already reflected within and as my physical body in my large intestine, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my physical body, my large intestine is bringing this experience forward, however it doesnot mean that I ‘should stop’ what I have initiated because it can be bringing up old, related memories of fear that I have not yet walked through effectively and so, my mind consciousness system, integrated within my physical body, is bringing up it’s way of control as fear to ‘make myself stop’ as how I have programmed myself in the past. I realize that my mind doesnot say ‘that I should stop’ but it does more point out that I have to look at certain memories that are stored within my physical body.

I commit myself to relook at my initiation and if and when I see that I am sure in it, to look at the physical experience of ‘being stuck’ and see what equation I have created in the past that I need to forgive and change, this because this equation is no longer serving me in and as life  – as how it had served me in a way of ‘protection’ in/as the mind, which is actually a way of control but still, during that time, it served as protection  that is now no longer needed because I have developped more awareness, support and strength within and as myself.

I realize that a change in the outcome, will ask for a change in the equation, otherwise I become ‘stuck again’ within a polarity, within giving myself contradictory messages and so, I commit myself to forgive the old equation that have protected me in the past and from here, change it in a way that it serves myself as life in the outcome that is best for myself and others involved.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of ‘undefined’ fear that I can not really point out, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my mind is bringing forward an equation that it now fears to loose, as something that has served as ‘protection’ in the past and so, a part of myself that is channeled and participating in/as the mind, is trying to keep control and protecting itself in this point.

I commit myself to hold myself and to find the equation that is no longer serving me, to name the experience and to forgive myself and to ask for support when I do not really see what equation is coming up so that from here, I can move myself through this accumulated experiences from memories that I have recreated over and over again in the past and from here, change the equation towards principles that support the outcome that is best for all which means principles that support an outcome that is best for myself and others involved, working together in and as life.

Now, Understand that – the Creation of this Reality, in the Form that it now Exist, as Living Words / Living Pictures: took Billions of Years. In those years – the Creator Gods obviously Protected their Trademarks. That means, ‘the How’ they Programmed this. And they Encrypted it, not with 256-bit Encryption – but say with 256 Trillion-bit Encryption on Each Point. They left only One Point open that they couldn’t Encrypt – there was only ONE thing they couldn’t Encrypt, which was: Equality and Oneness as what is Best for all Life. Everything else – they Encrypted.

From: Day 300: The Encryption of Systems (Part One)

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Previous blog: 9. Ignoring some signs within myself

Next blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern


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