Dag 808 – Zero point

Back to writing! It is a month ago since my last blog which is not as long as it seems. I really start missing this moment with myself in the writing of a blog and sharing it with you who is reading. I find it different and more effective in the sense of grounding the self-commitment, than the introspection writings throughout the day on paper. As in ‘two or more in my name’; there is a witness to the life-commitment. Within the blog-writing I am satisfied with and as myself to express myself in what I stand for and as. This all because of me being part of a group of ‘journey to life – walkers’ 🙂 (which we actually are all as humanity) however here specificly with the application of the writing-tools find in Desteni I Process Lite as a free online-course. For all who are considering and / or hesitating to start a blog as a 7 years journey to life after doing this course; I can really recommend to start the writing.

I will continue on the subject of disappointment as I am not yet finished with this emotion. I find it very deep ingrained within me on many levels but all related to a particular area.

When looking back at my path with regards to relationships, the overall experience is….such a disappointment. Not about who I have met and walked with, but more in relation to the results, the endings, the non-continuation and so many start-overs.

I feel like I am at zero point within it all. Like nothing did make any sense of what I have walked in it, as it all lead to a death end, while I so much did my best to make it work. I know by consciousness that it is not about ‘a relationship with another’ mainly but more about the relationship with myself. Did this improve? Yes the relationship with myself did improve for sure.

Then what makes this experience of disappointment so deeply ingrained; what makes me feel such a failure in this area? I mean I can describe it more beautiful and see the lessons in it etc etc, however how I mainly experience myself in it all is not so beautiful. And this does not make it easier to open myself up for a potential new relationship / agreement and put myself out there. It feels like this sorrow and disappointment is all over my face and visible within my eyes; like a droopy. It feels like I have walked this same route a trillion times and perhaps it is a preprogramming existing throughout all my lives.

However, I am here in this one life, having the basics within myself and my life (housing, income, health, education) in a stable place and having the luck to be in a position to accomplish this. So, I everytime come back to the point that I will will myself to at least give it my all to become more satisfied with myself in this area and who knows, creating a satisfying sharing-ship (I just made up this word) that suits myself and another and so that is best for ourselves as life as a whole.

I notice that I am not living my best potential and that I actually have missed, again and again, my best potential in this one point. So I more see this area as a motivation to push myself beyond the mind. Making the strength out of a weakness where in this area I almost every day doubt if I will ever be able to make something more of myself. I more and more see how challenging it is to move myself beyond the mind-programming and how convenient and ‘natural’ it feels to stay within the comfort of what I already know.

I have had several times a ‘meeting’ with the bees (yes the insects) that stands out to me. First time was a few weeks ago when a swarm bees were flying above my garden. It gave a loud buzzing and they keep hanging around for quite some time. I just had read before an article that some swarms were being let out or something like that – I am not even sure if it was in my living-area – and to just let them be(e) as they were replacing themselves. A little while later I shared this with a befriended couple and we looked up the information about ‘meaning of meeting bees’ in your life. The thing that was clearly mentioned is the work effort they put in every day. On my way home after this meeting again…the swarm was passing over above my head. Very remarkable as it was days or even weeks later after the first time having the swarm above my garden. I looked it up again at home in another book – same thing mainly came forward, as putting in the work and effort.

Today in the garden I sat next to flowers with bees busy close to me and even sat on my legs now and then. Now within this all – what also did go through me is thoughts like ‘oh my, what if they come down in the garden and the cats are still out there (first time with the swarm above the garden) or today thoughts like ‘hmmm will it stick me when sitting on my leg’? But mainly I enjoyed them being around. And here, while taking a break of this blog with a coffee in the garden, again surrounded by these bees, what again comes to my awareness is to look at and integrate the work and effort. Like a bee being diligent.

I had reflected on this ‘work and effort’ earlier this week and actually came to see that I did Not really put in the work and effort to really Create a sharing-ship with a male-partner (I do bring in myself more in friendships with females and also males; that is why I mention it specific as male-partner here). It somehow looks like I do a lot for it but when looking back, I every time step in from a point of convenience and from there trying to bring in what I find important, which then mainly fails on long term. I am not yet making this last step, this push of ‘this is who I am and what I stand for’. And within this I create an experience of disappointment and difficulty.

When really looking at this point of work and effort, it is not difficult persé but more a constant and continues effort of self-expression that may feel unnatural. And I see this on many levels and area’s, that achieving something is not difficult persé, but more a matter of who is bringing in the time and effort to create that something that is seen as a possibility as best for life as a whole.

So yes, here I have failed to do this and this level of ‘failing’ (Dutch and English blog) is hidden inside myself; where it looks from a mind-perspective that I ‘tried everything’. I find it a very much veiled dimension of why things may ‘fail’ to take shape and sustain. The mind makes it look like ‘everything has been done already’ when actually nothing is accomplished in and as a sustainable and effective matter. Welcome to how the world is build up and exist today.

No surprise then that the bees are ‘threatened in their existence’. As the bees Do bring in this effort and they Do matter, however we as the human race tend to destroy it all from a starting-point of the mind, of superiority, of making money more important than Life.

Here the word Humbleness does make sense a lot. As something that we need to integrate as humans in and as ourselves and so in and as our way of living.

Back to myself – I can use the word humbleness to support myself to start from scratch in this zero-point. I need to admit that I have not yet developped the best approach with regards to finding and creating a sharing-ship with a male partner. What I find striking as well in Leila’s blog, how she describes how walking a change, does contain admitting that I had not yet done and walked what is best in this area and this may exist as a reason / resistance and standing in the way, of actually changing for real:

(…) ‘Don’t change, because if you change, you’re actually acknowledging that something’s wrong with you, that you’re less than, that you’re…bad!’ (…)

Let’s go to the application of self-forgiveness to open up and make room for the practical application of change; as a start of this change within and without.

Self-forgiveness being walked in the next blog.

The Consciousness of the Bees


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 804 – The importance of my starting-point

Continuing on Dag 803 – Redefining relationships with the support of interviews

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively define what I would like to live in a relationship-agreement and to somehow expect that I / we will find out along the way, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this, I automatically follow all the subconscious / unconscious (pre-)programs and only through ‘living them out’ learn to know how and where I am following ineffective programs within and as my mind and integrated within my physical body and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start with sex / physical intimacy and from here, trying to create a mutual supportive communication, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have turned around the entrance-point, as the physical intimacy should follow up on mutual support, intimacy, trust, freedom etc and so becoming a physical expression of all these qualities developed over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if not effectively building / developing a communication based on qualities like trust, intimacy, freedom, support, then eventually, the physical intimacy will stagnate, because one cannot lie in sex / physical intimacy as the body does not lie and so, at some point, the physical intimacy can no longer ‘save’ the relationship from an ineffective communication and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter the physical intimacy from a starting-point of fear, thinking and believing that “I / we will never be able to make it and so we better get out of it as much and as far as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will not be able to build / develop an effective relationship-agreement with another as a partner, based on mutual support, trust, freedom, intimacy etc as I do not see how all and everything will come together in this, meaning, a ‘liking’ of each other, our place in process and developed skills, our practical situation in this world, the will to create something more and so, I on forehand compromise myself in my potential and start somewhere in the middle, to at least then being able to create some of the physical intimacy that I see that should be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start in the middle and / or at the end and so already from the start, sabotage my own potential which then also reflect in the relationship and within another as well, both being limited in our expression and creation because of the limited starting-point in it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on an end-goal of ‘wanting a relationship with a partner with physical intimacy’ and so projecting a goal outside myself, instead of focusing on my expression and development along the way, such as sharing, self-trust and trust, freedom from a point of self-honesty, intimacy in small moments, mutual support etc and from here, walk day by day, week by week, until it’s done and if not done, as far as possible, because in the end what matters and has an effect on myself, my life and on others and their lives, is who I am in every moment of self-creation, in and as a self-agreement and from a starting-point of what is best for all as life and to be able to do this, I have to face and let go of a fear that I ‘will never make it’ and one thing is for sure, if I go on as how I am used to / have allowed myself to be programmed, I for sure ‘will not make it’ as the best of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let ‘fear of failure’ rule me (read ‘Failure in Relation to the Soul‘) so that it is not up to me ‘failing’ if the end-result is not how I perceived, because in fact, I did not ‘do my best’ from the beginning / within my starting-point / in who I am; although it looks as if I do the best I can, it is more a ‘trying to make it work’ with what I have started, from a self-dishonest / misaligned entrance point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience an emotion of for example missing or sadness, to think and believe that I did something wrong and so ‘not what is best’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the emotion shows a part of myself that I have separated myself from and so, I firstly need to bring the piece back to myself where from here, I am better able / enable myself to direct myself in a way that is best for myself / all selves (and where a real missing still can exist as well).

It are somehow all obvious points on a conscious level, yet at the same time, it is needed to self-forgive, redefine and bit by bit, living the correction, because the ‘obvious’ is turned around and ineffectively programmed and followed up by me on deeper levels, within and as myself.

To be continued.


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 718 – 6. Decision in a split second

 This blog is related to record 6: Decision in a split second

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow two thoughts coming up within me in a split second as a self-interested ‘opportunity’ without fully investigating the consequenses that this could bring forward, for myself and another involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not involve another through sharing what is going on within my mind, where in my mind in a thought, I ‘use’ something of the other without the other even knowing about it and so, without giving the other an opportunity to bring in perspective and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow up on my thoughts and so, ‘using’ something of the other who is involved without fully informing about the starting-point I come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inform the other who is involved with limited information through which I know I have better chances that the other will ‘agree’ on what I want and so, having an excuse for myself that I ‘did inform’ the other and that the other ‘did approve it’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that leaving out information is disempowering another as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that by leaving out information and creating from a starting-point of secrecy and self-interest, I will disempower myself within the consequenses that I create, in the same way as I disempower another in that specific moment and because only I am fully informed with the information in my head that I keep partly a secret, I will be responsible for the consequenses that I create by following up my secret thoughts with actions and so I will have to walk through the created consequenses in physical reality, by myself alone as long as I keep it a ‘secret’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have split up myself within my own thoughts that come up in secret and that I believe and follow up on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to follow up on my thoughts because the thoughts produce feelings and emotions that make me ‘feel alive’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow up on thoughts within me about literally creating new physical life ‘by accident’ and from a starting-point of ‘fear and self-interest’, instead of considering myself and other participants as life itself and so, creating life from life by decision, in consideration of all and everything involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have disempowered and split up myself, by believing that I need to create new life in secrecy because otherwise I would not be able to create it at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already believe that I will fail and so, I create from a starting-point of ‘fear of failure‘ without seeing that in this way, I will indeed ‘fail’ as my starting point is split up and not one and equal as myself and so, not grounded and valid or real and so I will have to walk back and deconstruct what I have created in ‘fear of failure’, to be able to take responsibility for it and while doing so, bring myself towards oneness and equality and birth myself as life from the phisical while doing so, while ‘walking back’ and transforming the self-interest into what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when resistances that are coming up in relation towards another, that these are coming from my own mind as things that I have separated myself from and as and so, it are things that I need to investigate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as resistances are coming up within myself in ‘relation towards another’, to walk out and end the relationship, instead of investigating, understanding and stopping the resistance within myself and so, build a relationship with and as myself and from here, approach another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out of relationship situations that have potential because I believe that the resistance that I experience is real and ‘not where I must be’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that actually the resistance is a place where I ‘should be’ as here my mind is showing me where I have separated myself in thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions and preferences that are ‘in the way’ of approaching a situation with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘take what I want’ and then walk out within a relationship without seeing, realizing and understanding that I create my own failure in this way as I ‘take what I want’ from a starting-point of ‘fear of failure’, out of fear that I will not succeed to create what I really want and what is best for myself and others involved, and so I rather ‘take quickly what I want’ and walk out so that at least, I have something that I (think that I) want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ‘know myself’ and so follow that what comes up in my mind as a thought, feeling or emotion that I translate as ‘that what I want’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not know myself in what is really best for myself and especially not how I can bring this into reality in a practical and considering way, where in this is actually what I eventually want: that what is best for myself (as life and so for others as life) and within this, it will be lasting.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of not being able to create what I want / would like, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have never created such thing from a starting-point of a practical and considerable approach of reality and so, I have no reference of me being able to walk this and I have no blue-print of how to walk this. I realize that I easily give up when I do not ‘succeed’ directly instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I need to walk a new path step by step, deconstructing the old and destructive patterns and rebuilding a new and solid approach in consideration of this physical reality from a staring point of principled living as what is best for myself in this physical life and what is best for all who are physically involved in what I would want.

I commit myself to support myself as a being stepping forward by applying principles that are best for myself on long-term and in consideration of all involved.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the flaws and programs that are coming up within me as a ‘quick solution’ to fulfill myself with experiences in/as the mind, as a safety catch as ‘better having something than nothing’ instead of step by step bringing forward my potential as a living being.

I commit myself to be patient with myself and others and live the word patience, ‘geduld’ day by day.

I commit myself to receive the support of others for and as myself / my beingness to stand up and I commit myself to be a point of support for others as beingness to stand up as well.

When and as I see myself participating in a tendency of giving up because I experience my feelings and emotions as too overwhelming as if I ‘cannot handle it’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am able to handle my own emotions because I allowed myself to create them as a reaction to what I have learned and believed and  I realize that I am not sticking to the principles of what is best for myself on long-term and so for others as well through which I already ‘fear’ my own creation as consequence, which brings up emotions.

I commit myself to lay out a foundation for myself within principles that I can apply and in which I can keep myself stable and at the same time, walk through my own experiences coming up, within the realization that as long as I keep myself grounded within principles (meaning, principles that are considering what is best for all involved, including myself), I am considering myself and others as life and so, I will eventually bring forward that what is best for all involved without creating harming consequenses.

I commit myself to, when and as I do not see a way to walk, to slow down and take the time to find a way in which I am able to keep myself stable and keep my integrity as well.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts as ‘taking what I want’ without completely informing others about this who are involved, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I come from a starting-point of fear of not being able to create what I want as what I really would like and see what is best and so, I need to reflect on and take responsibility for a pattern within myself that is not best for myself and others on long term.

I commit myself to slow down, to breathe and to take the time to forgive myself for my thoughts as fears and for believing them in relation to ‘taking what I want’ in a specific situation.

I commit myself to consider myself as a mind consciousness system in which I am weakening and compromising myself and from here, while seeing myself in these weakening / compromising patterns, finding ways to support myself as a being to stand up and direct myself towards a wholesome, healthy way of living.

Previous blog: 5. Menstruation cycle

Next blog: 7. The moment of truth

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 623 – Mislukking en Liefde

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Vervolg op Dag 622 met zelfvergevingen:

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb in een moment waarin ik iets verkeerd doe in en als de geest, alles in één keer teniet te doen in en als een gedachte als zelfbeschuldiging en hierin alles wat ik daarvoor fysiek gewandeld heb te vergeten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren om in een moment aanwezig te zijn waarin ik niet weet hoe of wat ik kan antwoorden of doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb liever weg te blijven in een moment als ik niet weet hoe of wat ik kan antwoorden of doen, in plaats van in en als het moment aanwezig te zijn en van hieruit te zien of en wat en hoe ik kan antwoorden of doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren om iets verkeerd te doen en daarom maar liever weg te blijven zodat ik het ook niet kan ‘verpesten’ en mezelf niet hoef te beschuldigen dat ik het verkeerd heb gedaan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb ervoor te kiezen om geheel weg te blijven als voorzorgsmaatregel om geen fouten te maken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst voor verlies te ervaren door het maken van een fout.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat een ander weg gaat als ik een fout maak.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat het weggaan en/of niet aanwezig zijn van een ander, te maken heeft met mij en het maken van fouten in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat ikzelf wegga en/of weg blijf en verdwijn in en als zelfbeschuldiging, in en als de geest als ik iets verkeerd doe en van hieruit steeds (meer) schoorvoetend aanwezig te zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb schoorvoetend aanwezig te zijn als dat ik liever afwezig ben zodat ik tenminste geen fouten kan maken/niets verkeerd kan doen, in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat het hier om een ‘kunnen’ gaat dus om een eventualiteit en niet om een ‘zullen’ als dat ik ‘zeker weet’ dat ik iets verkeerd zal doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb schoorvoetend aanwezig te zijn vanuit een eventualiteit als wat er eventueel kan gebeuren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat het minste dat ik kan doen, is niets verkeerd doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat ik een last ben als ik iets verkeerd doe.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb het als een last te ervaren als ik en/of een ander iets verkeerd doe(t).

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb een enorme moeheid te ervaren als er dingen verkeerd gaan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb gedurende dit blog een enorme moeheid op te voelen komen wat betekent dat ik in en als de geest weerstand als afleiding opgooi als een poging – in en als de geest – om te voorkomen dat ik dit punt te open voor/als mezelf.

Ik realiseer me dat ik me gewaar ben van de moeheid die opkomt en dat ik hier doorheen kan ademen wat ik direct toe pas en eerder zo heb toegepast door te focussen op de realisatie en mijn gewaarzijn hierin en niet op de ervaring van moeheid die fysiek opkomt vanuit een gemanifesteerde geestervaring.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie verdwijnen in een zelfbeschuldiging omdat ik iets verkeerd heb gedaan, waarmee ik hetgeen ik voorheen fysiek gewandeld heb, in één keer onderuit haal, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat als er iets verkeerd gaat, er een heel programma aangaat in en als mezelf in en als de geest waardoor ik de realiteit in het moment uit het oog verlies en hierin verlies ik mezelf.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel me te realiseren wat ik voorheen fysiek gedaan heb om een realistisch beeld te krijgen van de situatie en van hetgeen ik verkeerd doe in een moment en ik stel mezelf ten doel om van hieruit – vanuit het realistische overzicht – te zien wat de beste oplossing is om verder te gaan en hetgeen ik (en/of een ander als mezelf) verkeerd gedaan heb, op te lossen op een eenvoudige, praktische wijze.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie schoorvoeten om aanwezig te zijn in een moment, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik twijfel en niet weet wat ik moet doen en dat ik een angst ervaar hierin iets verkeerd te doen of dat ik iets verkeerd kan doen en dan te verdwijnen in en als een zelfbeschuldiging.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel met en als mezelf te staan ter zelfondersteuning en in en als het moment aanwezig te zijn zonder direct iets te doen of iets uit te spreken en te ademen en zien wat er in mezelf opkomt en zien wat en hoe het moment zich opent en van hieruit geef ik mezelf de mogelijkheid om eventueel iets te spreken of doen vanuit en als mezelf.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te stoppen met mezelf en/als een ander te beschuldigen voor iets verkeerd doen en een moment te nemen om te ademen en de moeheid te vergeven die opkomt.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb zoveel moeheid te ervaren/hebben ervaren dat ik er ‘niets meer bij kan hebben’ en dus van hieruit – vanuit een ervaring of zelfs een herinnering aan deze ervaring – te reageren alsof het direct teveel is als er iets verkeerd gaat en/of als ik iets verkeerd zeg.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb het als een enorme inspanning te ervaren om iets te corrigeren als het verkeerd gaat/is gegaan.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken ‘ik kan niet meer’ als er iets verkeerd gaat.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en ervaren dat ik er helemaal alleen voor sta en dat ik alles zelf op moet lossen en dus kan ik niet zoveel hebben want ik kan maar ‘zoveel’ alleen oplossen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb het te veroordelen als er iets verkeerd gaat en dit ‘verkeerd’ te zien als ‘niet nodig’.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb de dingen die verkeerd gaan te zien als niet nodig, in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat dingen verkeerd gaan omdat en doordat ik en/of we ze niet gezien hebben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken, geloven en ervaren alsof alle verantwoordelijkheid bij mij ligt.

Ik realiseer me dat de verantwoordelijkheid voor mijn eigen geest bij mij ligt en dat dit voor ieder zo is.

Ik realiseer me dat ik me druk en moe maak vanuit een ervaring van angst voor verlies en me hierin verantwoordelijk maak voor wat een ander doet of niet doet zodat die ander ten minste niet weggaat, waarin ik zelf juist wegga in en als de geest in en als een (fysiek gemanifesteerde) ervaring van angst voor verlies.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de verantwoordelijkheid te nemen voor en als mezelf in hoe ik besta in en als de geest en mezelf te vergeven en corrigeren voor de verkeerde/gekeerde aannames vanuit gedachten, gevoelens en emoties en van hieruit, de correctie te leven in en als het fysiek, stap voor stap.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel me minder en minder druk en moe te maken vanuit een ervaring van angst voor verlies in en als een gedachte wat een ander ervan vindt en in momenten specifiek te zien wat er in me opkomt als gedachte en/of ervaring en deze te benoemen en vergeven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb angst te ervaren voor mijn eigen ervaring van ‘nodig hebben’ en het hierin ‘aan iets of iemand vasthouden’ wat niet beste is voor mijzelf als leven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb te denken en geloven dat het ‘iets of iemand’ niet het beste is voor mij als leven, in plaats van in te zien, realiseren en begrijpen dat het vasthouden hierin niet het beste is voor mijzelf als leven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb me af te keren van iets of iemand en/of te negeren, in en als een angst dat ik anders vast ga houden en/of klampen en mezelf hierin verlies, in en als dit vasthouden in en als de geest, echter in het afkeren en/of negeren verdwijn ik evenzo in en als de geest en verlies ik alsnog mezelf in en als een zelfbeschuldiging.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb van huis uit te denken en geloven en ervaren alsof ik iets mis – wat ik nu zou omschrijven als een gemis van een open communicatie in en als zelfoprechtheid – en zo een ‘neediness’ te creëren in en als mezelf, op zoek naar hetgeen ik denk te missen en dit te zoeken in en als een ervaring van liefde.

Ik realiseer me dat ik (en we) door de ervaring van ‘mislukken’ of verkeerd doen of fouten maken heen zal moeten wandelen om hierin mezelf te zien in en als de geest als wat en wie ik geaccepteerd heb te bestaan in en als mezelf en om van hieruit mezelf te vergeven en corrigeren.

Ik realiseer me dat ik in dit proces van opstaan de ervaring van liefde niet langer nodig heb om weg te komen van de ervaring van mislukking.

Ik realiseer me dat het ‘zoeken naar (de ervaring van) liefde’ als doel, een zoektocht is die gedoemd is te mislukken aangezien mislukking het grondvestigingsuitgangspunt is van dit doel en het zoeken naar deze ervaring van liefde.

Ik realiseer me dat hier de ervaring van wanhoop vandaan komt in deze zoektocht die ik zolang ik me herinner ervaar in en als mezelf, aangezien ik de zoektocht niet begreep en niet begreep hoe deze zou kunnen ‘gelukken’.

Ik realiseer me dat ik door een verkeerde als gekeerde benadering in en als de geest, mijn eigen ervaring en zelfs realiteit van mislukking creëer en fysiek manifesteer, waarin ik in en als een ervaring van angst voor verlies aanwezig ben als angst voor het verliezen van wat ik najaag in en als de geest, geprojecteerd op iets of iemand buiten mezelf, in en als de verkeerde/gekeerde benadering.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel te stoppen met het zoeken naar een ervaring van liefde en te stoppen met proberen weg te komen van mislukking en mezelf te ondersteunen om op te staan en zelfoprecht te zien in hetgeen ik verkeerd geleerd en dus geleefd heb en hierin mezelf te vergeven en corrigeren, dag voor dag, moment voor moment.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel de woorden van Bernard in ‘Mislukking in relatie tot de Ziel’ als richtlijn te gebruiken om het concept van de ziel in en als mezelf in relatie tot mislukking te deleten, te verwijderen met behulp van de toepassing van zelfvergeving en zelfcorrectie in en als leven als gewaarzijn.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel situaties, mogelijkheden en ontmoetingen te benaderen vanuit een ‘practical potential assessment’ als praktische potentiële beoordeling en de energetische ervaringen als gevoelens en emoties die hierbij opkomen, te ervaren, benoemen en vergeven in klank waarin ik de substantie binnenin de energetische ervaring ondersteun en bevrijd van de energie en zo terugbreng in en als mijn fysiek als substantie om mezelf uiteindelijk van hieruit te corrigeren tot het leven van en als een mogelijkheid/oplossing die het beste is voor mezelf en/als een ander, in en als Leven, in en als het fysiek.

full_speaking-as-sound-kryon-my-existential-history

Speaking as Sound – Kryon: My Existential History

How will having more awareness of the sound of your voice in communication with others and in sounding Self Forgiveness assist and support you in your quantum physical process?

What is the relationship between the sound of your voice and mind-physical energy manifested in your body?

How can you become aware of the sound of your voice, especially when you communicate with others?

How do you tend to speak in and as ENERGY instead of SOUND?

How can you identify the difference between speaking in energy vs. speaking as sound?

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

 

 

 

Dag 607 – The mind-body relationship – When will I succeed?

wortel voorhouden

Last week I was hosting a Google Hangout about the subject Breathing and The Body. Afterwards we noticed that it were actually two subjects that we discussed in one hangout that became longer than the time I planned to stay within. However for the rest we were all three (Maite, Martijn and I) satisfied about the content and discussions.

Before starting about the body, Maite suggested to keep an eye on how I placed the relationship between physical symptoms and walking process, to not put it as ‘walking process to solve physical problems/symptoms/complains’ but more focus on how the physical symptoms can function as a guide within who I am in relationship to myself and my physical body. Although this was also my starting-point towards this subject, I noticed that within one question, I mixed these two approaches a bit through each other where in I saw that unaware, I was still pushing the point of wanting to ‘solve my physical complains’ through walking process and actually, I want it NOW lol and this playing out each day again, waiting for this to happen.

One can imagine that this is giving pressure on myself and my physical body and within this, I noticed that I was waiting for myself to ‘succeed’ in this and if not, I would not yet allow to really stand for and share what I am walking in/as this process of self-realization, because as long as the physical complains are here and/or are coming back or even may come back, I did not really succeed and so, not allowed by myself to stand and share.

Here I do not take everything into consideration, I fear to do so because what if there are aspects and dimensions that make it impossible to completely ‘solve’ these physical complains during my life in/as the physical? Then I will never be able to ‘succeed’ so to speak. This is the problem with trying to reach a ‘good health’ as it is like a picture of a carriage with a donkey in front of it who is walking behind a carrot on a line, the carrot is holded right before it’s nose but as the donkey walks, the carrot goes foreward because it is carrying the carriage with the one who is holding the line and so, the donkey will not be able to eat the carrot. Or, walking in circles actually, the circles of consiousness. To clarify that animals are not walking behind a carrot but we as humans are doing so in/as the mind while sitting on the box of the carriage, holding the line with the carrot and this picture is a projection of our human mind as how we as humans are in/as the mind, directing life by how we are walking in circles and focus on the result that we project in/as the mind instead on focussing on who are are in/as life within the walking.

Here I notice that I fear to have to live with the physical complains from a spastic colon through all my live. And this fear I am projecting forward as an already created road for myself where in I keep myself prison in/as an experience of fear and so, in/as the mind. Which will enlarge the tension on the large intestine. In which I will enlarge the experience of not succeeding ever.

Theoretical it is not so difficult to grasp, however in the moment of finding myself within the uncomfortability of the spastic state and within this, an unability to release myself from the physical waste (poo), I am having the most difficulties with who I am in relation to myself and my physical body, It is also already an accumulated situation where in I was not aware yet of how I exactly build the tension in the days before, mixed with an accumulation build up throughout my whole life and foundated with some predisposition within the large intestine coming from the familiy-line. So it is quite an integrated and complex state that is physically manifested.

However, if I keep and place my focus on who I am within this process and physically manifested and integrated state, I empower myself to work with that part that I do have a direct influence on, namely who I am within and as myself, being and becoming aware of myself in participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions and from here, seeing how this is influencing myself and my physical body. Even that might be one step too far as this integrated relationship of mind-body-self is developed throughout time and so, several dimensions are active and/or already in an activated state at the same time through which it is still difficult to directly see how my mind-participation is of influence on this specific body-part. I do know that it is of influence but focussing on the finish is not of support for myself of that what I am able and need to walk in small steps in my daily life.

So here I find a sort of reset for walking process from what I have started to walk until now (which is about 3,5 -4 year). When we start walking process, we do not always know what we are stepping into and for me, I only saw and was clear that within the Desteni I Process I will be able to keep on walking with/as myself and others doing the same where in the mind-body relationship is considered. How exactly this will unfold will develop over time while walking and I notice it is more or less in the direction that I was already seeing at the start and at the same time, it is different than what I could comprehend and so much more encompassing as it is including everything. And this is what I did not have learned throughout my life, to include everything and everyone. This is what Life is doing, Life is including itself actually.

As long as I am excluding someone or something, within and/or without myself, I can be sure that I am not standing in oneness and equality in/as life. It is remarkable how something so ‘for the obvious’ can be so difficult to integrate within/as myself to really live and apply and it is even more remarkable how I and we as human beings have let it come this far, to this state of separation within and without.

There is no other solution than to walk it back and learn to understand, forgive and correct that what I have accepted and allowed, within and without myself and while doing so, stop the separation from myself as life. It is not only ‘me fixing my physical complains’ as it is an interconnected process that is including all and everything that exists. Which is starting at home, in my daily life. Where in it seems as if there are more important things to do than learning to communicate with the one’s living nearby. And so it is easy to let myself and my focus be distracted to ‘something bigger outside myself’ in which I unable myself to do anything. But I am able to something in my nearby environment and relationships. Everyday a bit. So that is where I start and move on. Actually I need to go even more inside, into the relationship with myself with and within my physical body as here, the whole universe is actually playing out, as so within so without. The without as a reflection from the within.

To be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

change your angleThe mind-body relationship – Timeline

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

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