Dag 763 – Self-forgiveness on the experience of worry

Continuing from Dag 762 – The word behind waiting with self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and get worried and to not want to face the fact as reality that there is actually something to ‘worry about’ because it is a problem and I do not want to face this because I fear my reaction to it when it happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘tiptoe around’ that what I actually see under the surface and to start worrying about when it comes up or when to opens it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fulfill a ‘need’ within me and so, not wanting to see the problem that may stand in the way of fulfilling this need and so, I create the ‘need’ to start worrying about it because I somewhere, somehow know that it will come to the surface and play out and ‘break up’ between me and that what I want to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fulfill that what I need within a way that seems ‘best for all’ where my starting-point is not yet clear, as long as I am dependent on what I want to fulfill and so, I create the opportunity to worry for myself within the certainty that one day, this what I worry about will take place and play out because under the surface, it is already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that what I see in common sense and under the surface, will not take place, will somehow magically disappear or be solved in a way that I perhaps may have missed, where at the same time and within common sense I would be ‘quite surprised’ if it will not take place because this physical realm and life in it’s essence, follows certain ‘laws’ or ways that cannot be denied and how the mind consciousness system is build up in this, can also not be denied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hope’ that ‘the life within’ is already stronger than what I see with common sense and am aware of and so actually I am hoping for a miracle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘worry’ about not knowing what to do or how to step in or not step in at the moment that happens what I worry about and so I am actually worrying about ‘myself not directing myself’ in what I see that may assist and support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry to keep waiting or worry to not keep waiting and move on in a direction that I actually don’t want but that I feel like I cannot change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about me not having the influence that is needed or to not acting on the potential that I see that is needed and that I can or may have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having influence, out of fear of not directing myself and acting on what I see that may be the best thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake in a ‘trial and error’ situation and to fear others as myself as well to get angry for this and at the same time, fearing others to get angry when what I do is not a mistake at all but triggering a reaction of resistance that is expressed towards me or even within me in and as myself as my own ‘backlash’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like moving through an invisible wall of a thick and densed cloud of resistance.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of worry, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am ‘waiting’ before that what I see that is under the surface, is coming up and that I at the same time, try to find ways to prefend it coming up, in a hope that it is not needed and that I do not need to go through the experience when and as it comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push the point that I see under the surface because I cannot stand within the experience of fear and worry for my own experiences when and as it comes to surface and so, I rather ‘have it now’ but at the same time, want to find a way that it doesn’t need to come up at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push and pull towards that what I see under the surface and doing this within an experience of fear, worry and hope and at the same time, seeing that it is best and needed to come to the surface because then it is visible and so it can be forgiven and solved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and to blame others for consequences that I need to go through, as well that I think and believe that ‘others created’, where in I see now that the blame in itself is giving an experience of sadness and then me fearing the experience of sadness that comes up within the consequence, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I created this experience firstly within myself by going into blame towards others and then trying to ‘prevent’ the consequence to play out by opening it up on forehand, while I still speak within a subtile energy of blame and so the blame resonates within my words and behaviour where in I am actually creating the experience that I fear, namely ‘to be blamed’ for the consequence that opens up (which then brings up the experience of sadness).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be blamed for what I see, when I bring up what I see and so I tend to not voice myself about what I see, from where I more and more go into ‘blaming others’ for what I see happening but what I am not speaking about.

I commit myself to first clear myself from aspects of (subtile or hidden) blame before I voice myself about what I see and I commit myself to take responsibility for the consequences that I create or have created when and as I speak or have spoken or may speak in blame, by going back to the drawing-board within and as myself and looking at what I fear to experience when a consequence may play out (as what is needed to make things visible at the surface from the deep waters within), by forgiving myself for my part in it and by possibly supporting another when and as needed and within my capacity and stability as what is best for the live in it all to open up or ‘germinate’, within myself as others as well.


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

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Dag 760 – What am I passionate about?

I was looking within myself this morning for what I am passionate about, what makes me move, wanting to get op in the morning? I have seen many times within me, that I project my passion on a relationship and then ‘needing’ the relationship to ‘live my passion’. In this I make myself dependent on the relationship and/or partner and I place a lot of pressure on the relationship and partner (and on myself) as well.

I have also found some area’s through my life, that really have my deep interest, like for example the natural medicine and animals. However this I have found, is still not the ‘core’ of what I find that really matters. I have found in this that I can not totally ‘go for it’ – like for example starting a natural medicine practice, which is something that I have tried as well, but that has not been coming from the ground. There is always something ‘missing’ as something that makes it ‘matter’ within myself.

Then we can of course say from a point of knowledge and information, that it is ‘me’ that is missing, that ‘I’ make it work or not. And that is so, but still it is undefined, as what is this ‘me’ that I want to bring in?

This morning I came to the insight that what matters for me and what I am passionate about, is ‘Principled Living’.

Principled living is what I have learned to define within the past 6-7 years, since I started to walk with Desteni and the Desteni I Process. And here everything comes together as ‘the missing pieces’. However, only by now, I dare to define that what I am passionate about: principled living. And I easily project this on relationships, because in relationships and especially within an intimate or  partner-relationship, the need for principled living is clearly coming forward and here I see an ability within myself to bring this in.

In general and for a long time I experience a fear of voicing myself in standing for this principled living and a ‘fear of people’ in general and through this, more than I can see it as passion and motivation, the motivation comes up as a fear, for example when I wake up in the morning and it comes up as something that I experience as a pressure and demotivation to stand up and that makes me wanting to stay in bed and keep hiding. Which only enlarges the experience of demotivation so I did push and push every day to keep going, to not stay in bed too long and to not too much oversleep, to get my things done because I have also seen through my life that this is what I can move on with, that if I do stand up and start, I will find a motivation within me in some small aspects and if not, I will find it next day.

So the ‘spark’ we can say, this ‘spark of life’ within and as me actually kept showing it’s face, together with the common sense that I need to keep going and do my things and if not, things will only become worse and more difficult. But I could not say that I am ‘passionate’ – from which I see now that I have a certain ‘idea or picture’ about the word ‘passion’. When I look at it while writing, this ‘drive’ or ‘spark’ combined with common sense is already a core-element of ‘passion’ that I very much suppressed with fear within and as myself but that also has been here within me as long as I remember.

There is much to say about ‘fear’ as it has many aspects and I cannot say that ‘I just need to stop the fear’ as it doesnot work this way. The fear within and as myself, has been channeled in many ways and layers within my thoughts, words and deeds as ‘who I am’ and so it asks for a ‘walking back through layers’,  to detach myself from it step by step so that eventually, I can make the decision that ‘I don’t need it anymore’. And then still it will come up, but now I can become the starting-point and direct myself through the fear and not so much ‘me being directed by fear’ without really seeing how and where this begins within myself.

So, a starting-point for myself as ‘what am I passinate about?’ is ‘Principled Living’. As I have seen that without principled living, no relatinship will stand the test of time and no project will keep standing in a way that is considering the life-integrity that is existing within each of us.  So without principled living, there will be a constant fear for the abuse of ‘not being considered’ and this gives a lot of protection and defense-mechanism coming up, that will for example come through as a (obvious or subtile) form of manipulation, revenge, hiding, attacking, blame and what more.

Principled Living is described in a document; however the core of it is a way of living that is considering what is best for all life, without excluding anything or anyone, where each and all and everything is approached from a starting-point of equality and oneness, as this is the only way to ensure that nothing and no-one will be left behind. And here it already shows that this contains so many aspects to be looked at and how to do this, however if we are willing to be humble and to learn what ‘principled living’ entails, then what opens up is a possibility for change, because we, as the starting-point, are willing to learn how to change ourselves that eventually, will resonate into a change in the world, into a place that is best for all life, nothing and no-one excluded.

To be continued with self-forgiveness on the ‘fear of my passion’ that I describe here above.


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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 759 – Fear and expectations

In this video I investigate for myself what is involved in situations where I feel like or perceive that something is expected and then a fear coming up to give an answer or even getting stuck in being able to give an answer at all, and from here looking at a possible solution to start with for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my experiences coming up, when and as I perceive or feel that within a question, there is already an expectation of what I should answer or not and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from myself that I am able to directly see and do what is best in this moment, where I actually and maybe, am existing in within awareness of what is happening for the first time and so, I first need to see and lay out what aspects are involved within myself and within the situation as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand alone within giving an answer in what I see that is best for myself and so for the situation as a whole, in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not standing and not doing what is best in a moment of answering on a question that may or may not have an expectation in it, out of fear to ‘stand alone’ and to not be understood and forgiven for my stand in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall, out of fear of not being understood and forgiven in a moment and so actually, create my own fear as in not understanding and forgiving myself for allowing myself to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it about ‘being understand and forgiven’ by another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only ‘expect from myself‘ to forgive myself and from here, bring myself towards a solution that is best for myself and life as a whole in the future to come, when and as a similar situation may arise.

When and as I see myself going into blame towards myself about falling in a moment, in relation to answering a question that may or may not have an expectation in it, I stop and breathe.

I realize that there are aspects and layers within myself that I did not yet have investigated and so, I ‘live them out’ to make it visible for myself.

I commit myself to expect from myself that I pick up myself everytime I (may) fall, that I am willing to introspect, forgive and correct myself in the aspects that are existing within me that are not yet in consideration of myself and life as a whole and from here, being an example for others who are willing to hear and see or not yet but in time to come, in the best possible way and within my ability.

When and as I feel in a moment that within a question, there is already an expectation coming through and me going into fear, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I can ask for some time to answer and that I do not need to answer ‘right now’.

I commit myself to take some time to calm myself down so that I will be better able to direct myself, my answer and so the situation as a whole in a more stable way and within consideration of what is best for myself ‘on long term’ and so for others on long term as well and if I am not able to do this, to not give an answer at all and voice myself in my inability to answer or respond in that moment.

A process to be continued

full_self-love-and-self-care-atlanteans-part-477

Self Love and Self care


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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

 

Dag 757 – Different aspects of gentleness

     

Continuing on the previous blog about gentleness with the application of self-forgiveness on different aspects that I see within myself in relation to the word ‘gentle’:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge it when someone is (in my experience) not gentle towards me and to judge it eather when I am not gentle to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to be gentle with me because I will listen anyway and even more when someone is gentle and so I find it ‘not needed’ to not be gentle with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I don’t deserve it to be treated rude instead of gentle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that how another is treating me is defining me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I define myself within my reactions on a ‘not gentle treatment/approach’ and I don’t like the experience of my reaction and so suppress it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘that I cannot accept this’ when someone is (in my experience) not gentle to me because I feel like ‘I cannot express myself’ in this and I don’t want to live in this suppressed state, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I first need to experience and within this, be able to see and define what it is that I suppress so that I can bring this back to myself in and as self-forgiveness as an opening in and as self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot express myself when another is ‘not gentle’ towards me, which is true in a way if and when I am in reaction towards this and within this suppress myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my ‘gentle’ is the same as another one’s ‘gentle’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not want to be gentle myself in certain moments but still do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually wish and want me to be more direct, where in I see that I can now redefine the word direct into a directiveness within and as myself and so, it does not need to be ‘too confronting’ but can still be gentle, though directive as clear within my direction, first within myself within the naming and forgiving of myself in the uncomfortable state that I tend to go into in and as fear for how others speak to me and from here I can be directive though gentle within a situation with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I don’t have the right’ to direct a situation and to suppress the possibility of directing myself and so I go into judgement as fear when and as I find that another is not gentle towards me, because I think and believe that I am not able or allowed to do anything about it and from this fear, I become angry myself and so stop being gentle, as well towards myself and my own body as towards another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually react to my own thinking that I ‘cannot or am not allowed to do anything about it’ and so I think I have the option of ‘taking it or leaving’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose my gentleness when I loose my direction / self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use gentleness as a protection-mechanism as of I am ‘innocent’ in a way because I am gentle and so within my gentleness, there is a hidden blame towards another who is ‘not gentle’ in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be superior by being gentle and to not show face of what I really experience inside myself, not even to myself actually so that I constantly suppress and miss myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a mask of gentleness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that all would be easier if everyone would be more gentle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to seduce the energy of the reactions within me with gentleness.

In general what I see is that we loose our ‘natural gentleness’ when and as we loose the direction within ourselves because we get lost in our emotions/feelings/reactions where even the most gentle character shows a different face. So gentleness would then be the self-expression of who I am in consideration of what is best for others/all involved, as then I am gentle with and as life as substance. So then it is more an application or expression of what is needed in the moment to bring about an outcome in alignment with and as life.

When and as another is, in my eyes and/or experience, not speaking in a gentle way towards/with me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I suppress my experiences as reaction in this moment from where I directly go into a defense-mechanism as that I ‘don’t want to be treated this way’.

I commit myself to first practise to stay more quiet and see within myself what comes up.

I commit myself to embrace what comes up in and as a reaction towards a (from my perspective) not gentle approach and to take time for and as myself to forgive myself and becoming stable again and so first learn and practise to be gentle with and as myself.

When and as I notice that I myself am not speaking in a gentle way (without an aware decision of doing so) , I stop myself from speaking for a moment and breathe.

I realize there is a reason within me for doing so as something that I have separated myself from that I need to investigate for myself.

I commit myself to breathe in, to breathe out and continue speaking in a more stable voice if possible and otherwise take a pause and continue later and I commit myself to take responsibility for my approach and way of speaking within self-forgiveness until I find the source of separation within/as myself (source as suppressed state or reaction or idea/belief that I have stored within myself somehow).

(So far for now as the computer keeps hanging all the time which makes it almost inpossible to write and move the mouse).

To be continued.

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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 753 – Opening up the word ‘challenge’

I have noticed within myself that I ‘do not like’ challenges; well, challenges that I see as challenges, for example in social context. The word challenge in itself I also do not like, I would prefer to skipp it from my vocabulaire lol which then indicates that I would like to skipp the challenges from ‘living them’. However this I find not to be best for myself (and others as well) because within challenges, I will be able to expand and, it is more that only in certain situations I would like to avoid the challenge where in other situations, I do not even notice something as a ‘challenge’. So, let’s see if I can ‘skipp’ or ‘delete’ some of the energetic charges that I have attached to this word and to the living of it and how I experience myself within a social challenge for example, instead of ‘skipping’ or ‘deleting’ the word itself. Then from here, I can see how to support myself within and as this word in a way that I am better able to embrace and live it without fear and resistance attached to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost feel like wanting to cry when and as confronted with a challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable within a challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resistance immediately when and as something is mentioned as a challenge, where in many cases I do what is needed no matter what and so, I do take on the challenges to push myself through the resistance and fear.

challenge

uitdaging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a negative association/picture coming up with the word ‘uitdaging’ as the Dutch word for ‘challenge’, where in I see it as if I am challenged through other kids to do something that I actually don’t want to do / ik word uitgedaagd door andere kinderen om iets te doen wat ik eigenlijk niet wil (Dutch); something on a school yard and then within a situation with a negative approach of each other, tending to ‘bothering’ and judging each other, instead of supporting each other to do something better or different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the word ‘judgement’ to the word ‘challenge’ and so, expecting that within a challenge, I will always be confronted with judgements and so, I do not like to be challenged as I do not like to be judged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the word ‘conflict’ to the word ‘challenge’ and so I do not like to take on a challenge as I do not like conflict to emerge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already approach the word ‘challenge’ within conflict and judgements within and as myself and so, also the challenge in itself I will then approach within conflict and judgements attached, which then will give an outcome of conflict and judgement because this is my starting-point determining the outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like ‘to be challenged’ but rather prefer to make my own challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word challenge or ‘to be challenged’ with something that I ‘have to do’, that I ‘must’ do, otherwise I would ‘loose’ and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word challenge within a polarity of winning or loosing.

What I do like in the Dutch word is the word ‘dagen’ which means ‘days’, but which also means that something starts to clear up / iets begint te dagen (Dutch).

So, here I can then see it more as coming ‘out’ (‘uit’ in Dutch) a specific programming in/as the mind where the physical reality starts to ‘clear up’ and so, more clarity, more of myself as my beingness can come forward and being lived.

I leave it up to here for now and will open it up more within myself in days to come.

To be continued


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

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De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 750 – 29. Care as motivation

This blog is related to record 29: Care as motivation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘having a child’ and/or ‘being in a relationship’ must be ‘taken care of’ before I actually and really will be able to take care of myself in and as life and/as life as a whole, where in my self-interest – showing it’s face in ‘emotional experiences’ of ‘unfulfilled desires’ – is ‘leading me‘ or better said ‘controling me’ where in I also not take care in what is best for myself and so, I keep myself actually prisoned or controled within my own emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself locked in within the control of my emotional experiences of unfulfilled desires in which I believe that ‘I can not live without’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can not live without that what I desire, where I use this actually as a distraction within and as myself, in and as my own mind as a belief that I can not live without the control of my own mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions, as this then ‘feels like I die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I will die’ without having a connection within and as my mind where in I channel myself into certain desires, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this I project my own mind in the ‘state of death’ or ‘sleeping state’ that I exist in within this moment while participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions and following and believing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts, feelings and emotions in and as my mind within polarity that lead up to ‘a death end’ when the energy of polarity runs out, instead of looking at ‘living words’ that are best for all, including myself, that I can assist and support myself with and ‘breathe’ myself into life with, step by step, day by day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blanko and tired here without exactly seeing what and how I do ‘hold onto’ certain experiences related to ‘love and relationships’ and what this ‘gives’ to me.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of fear, related to a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the fear is an experience of the other side of the coin of the experience of love and that I may have gone into an experience of love, to not ‘feel’ the experience of fear or ‘uncertainty’ within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perhaps go into an experience of love to not feel the experience of fear or uncertainty within and as myself.

I commit myself to slow down and look carefully into the experience of fear within and as myself, within the realization that ‘fear of another’ is a thought in essence and so, there is a judgement as thought connected within and as myself, towards this ‘other’ as myself and so I also commit myself to realize that there is then most of time a self-judgement involved and so, I commit myself to keep on finding the thoughts as (self)-judgements and forgiving myself within, related to an experience of fear/love towards someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences in life as for example I do naturally like animals and so, this is a more easy motivation for me to ‘take care’, for myself and for life as a whole and that I still do experience quite some fear as resistance to ‘people’ which is because of how the mind consciousness systems are living out the inequality.

When and as I experience a fear as resistance coming up within me in interaction with another person, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am reacting to how an inequality is living out and that I ‘fear’ to keep standing and so, I somewhere judge myself in this fear and state of ineffectiveness or, I judge myself for the same thing that I do not yet see within and as myself.

I commit myself to embrace and forgive myself for my own inequalities in and as this fear as thoughts as judgements that comes up when and as an inequality is playing out and I commit myself to find and use a living word in which I make myself more effective and directed to what I see that is supporting me to stand up, to keep standing and stable in a way that is best for myself as well as for others involved, in the small moments of every day life.

Previous blog: 28. Learned a lot

This blog is connected to the last record of this serie of self-reflection on the years of my biological fertility. I have found it of great support for myself to walk it all through and share, to free myself from a certain ‘charge’ that I experienced to it all and while doing so, I could bring it back to experiences coming up within situations in current time and bring this into self-forgiveness as well.

Thank you for reading, listening and walking with.

I will continue with what is ahead and coming up within myself and my life to take care of, within and as myself, for myself and for life as a whole. It may only reach one or a few other beings at the moment, however I do understand that a ripple effect will take place that I/we may not yet see or be aware of, as every one who is taking responsibility is part of a one+one+one.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 745 – 24. Expecting another chance

This blog is related to record 24: Expecting another chance

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect another chance and for this, not consider all dimensions as if it was only this moment, this one possibility that I have, to walk this opportunity that arised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually postpone an opportunity to give birth to life of a child, expecting that I would get another chance in a ‘better’ situation where I was better prepared, where this does not mean that I made the ‘wrong decision’ so to speak but more, that I better could have taken everything into consideration that I was able to at that moment and from here, making a well-considered decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on cycling in emotional experiences, related to a decision in the past and from here, wanting to ‘have another chance, to do it over’ so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is all a distraction from myself being here and creating my potential and effect that I can have for myself and others as well in this life, in and as care, from a starting-point of self-care and living this as an example and that this whole experience – it is not so much about the outcome in what I decided but more about what an impact it has had on my life that I can learn from and take with me, to prevent myself making the same ‘mistake’ again as a ‘missing’ of considering myself in all aspects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to by expecting another chance, not living my life and myself as if it is the one life and moment that I have, here and today and using what is here to support myself and others to learn to live as carefull human beings, no matter if we make mistakes or missing a chance: this one aspect is what I can live in every moment again and again, as a decision of who I am and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement and an expectation of another chance, as an excuse to not consider myself, here and now as a whole and so, to not give myself the opportunity to live and express myself in all aspects of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself tending to postpone something that I fear to step into or towards, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I need to support myself and walk closer with and as myself so that I do not feel so lost within an emotional experience of fear.

I commit myself to stand closer with and as myself, to stand for what I see as principled living within and to walk with me, as me, slowly but surely forward with the support of breathing, self-forgiveness and living words as tools that I always have with me, in every situation and I commit myself to look more closely within myself what I fear and how to embrace myself in this and at the same time, how to push myself to move with and as the fear and what I fear within.

When and as I see myself repeating myself within emotions about a decision that I made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am focussing too much on the result, where in I miss myself in who I am and what I have learned in this specific moment and decision making and consequence.

I commit myself to forgive what I see as emotional and feeling attachement towards a desired result and instead, see how I that what I desire, can bring back to myself in my current reality in who I am now and see how I can bring myself here in expression with the support of the living and embodiment of a word and so, bring the desire in and as energy in and as the mind – to bring this back to my physical body into a practical and possible self-expression that is best for myself, my body and from here, for this physical life as a whole.

Previous blog: 23. Abusive relationships and dependency

Next blog: 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive