Dag 804 – The importance of my starting-point

Continuing on Dag 803 – Redefining relationships with the support of interviews

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively define what I would like to live in a relationship-agreement and to somehow expect that I / we will find out along the way, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this, I automatically follow all the subconscious / unconscious (pre-)programs and only through ‘living them out’ learn to know how and where I am following ineffective programs within and as my mind and integrated within my physical body and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start with sex / physical intimacy and from here, trying to create a mutual supportive communication, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have turned around the entrance-point, as the physical intimacy should follow up on mutual support, intimacy, trust, freedom etc and so becoming a physical expression of all these qualities developed over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if not effectively building / developing a communication based on qualities like trust, intimacy, freedom, support, then eventually, the physical intimacy will stagnate, because one cannot lie in sex / physical intimacy as the body does not lie and so, at some point, the physical intimacy can no longer ‘save’ the relationship from an ineffective communication and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter the physical intimacy from a starting-point of fear, thinking and believing that “I / we will never be able to make it and so we better get out of it as much and as far as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will not be able to build / develop an effective relationship-agreement with another as a partner, based on mutual support, trust, freedom, intimacy etc as I do not see how all and everything will come together in this, meaning, a ‘liking’ of each other, our place in process and developed skills, our practical situation in this world, the will to create something more and so, I on forehand compromise myself in my potential and start somewhere in the middle, to at least then being able to create some of the physical intimacy that I see that should be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start in the middle and / or at the end and so already from the start, sabotage my own potential which then also reflect in the relationship and within another as well, both being limited in our expression and creation because of the limited starting-point in it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on an end-goal of ‘wanting a relationship with a partner with physical intimacy’ and so projecting a goal outside myself, instead of focusing on my expression and development along the way, such as sharing, self-trust and trust, freedom from a point of self-honesty, intimacy in small moments, mutual support etc and from here, walk day by day, week by week, until it’s done and if not done, as far as possible, because in the end what matters and has an effect on myself, my life and on others and their lives, is who I am in every moment of self-creation, in and as a self-agreement and from a starting-point of what is best for all as life and to be able to do this, I have to face and let go of a fear that I ‘will never make it’ and one thing is for sure, if I go on as how I am used to / have allowed myself to be programmed, I for sure ‘will not make it’ as the best of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let ‘fear of failure’ rule me (read ‘Failure in Relation to the Soul‘) so that it is not up to me ‘failing’ if the end-result is not how I perceived, because in fact, I did not ‘do my best’ from the beginning / within my starting-point / in who I am; although it looks as if I do the best I can, it is more a ‘trying to make it work’ with what I have started, from a self-dishonest / misaligned entrance point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience an emotion of for example missing or sadness, to think and believe that I did something wrong and so ‘not what is best’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the emotion shows a part of myself that I have separated myself from and so, I firstly need to bring the piece back to myself where from here, I am better able / enable myself to direct myself in a way that is best for myself / all selves (and where a real missing still can exist as well).

It are somehow all obvious points on a conscious level, yet at the same time, it is needed to self-forgive, redefine and bit by bit, living the correction, because the ‘obvious’ is turned around and ineffectively programmed and followed up by me on deeper levels, within and as myself.

To be continued.


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
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Dag 732 – 16. Shame and compromising

This blog is related to record 16: Shame and compromising

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame for the steps I have taken and compromised myself – as well as others – within where in I in that time, have used it as a justification that it is ‘normal’ to have this biological clock ticking and so, I allowed myself to continue following my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed about asking someone that I know from the past to donate, where in I am coming from an unclear starting-point and mixed up with self-interest to ‘have something from that someone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide my face in my hands because of shame, where in at the same time I can also laugh about it within seeing how far I can go beyond my real self-respect, in trying to fulfill my own purpose without checking all dimensions within myself and then turning this ‘shamelessness’ into some kind of ‘strength’ as in ‘not being afraid to ask for what I would like’, where in I see a dimension of wanting the attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go far for attention and when not doing so, feeling like something dies within me or even as if I die by experiencing myself as not being seen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as not been seen and for this, asking for attention in different kind of ways beyond my real self-respect and integrity and so within this, compromising myself and my integrity within, as and by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have manifested a physical experience as consequence of forwardly ‘fold myself in two’ within and as my own body, within compromising myself and going beyond my real self-respect and integrity, all for attention that feels so real in that period of time and from here, compromising my own stand within and as my physical body, in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own experience of real shame by compromising my own stand, my own real self-respect and integrity, by following my thoughts, feelings and emotions as a (biological integrated) program within and as myself and my physical body, instead of stepping back and really looking at all dimensions within and as myself that I do notice but not really want to listen to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to – as shown in the above self-forgiveness statements – deliberately ignore my own integrety and self-respect within trying to fulfill a preferenced picture within me, instead of firstly investigating all dimensions and from here, seeing how I can work with all domensions that I see within myself, making peace with it and seeing how to create the best possible situation for myself and others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out this ‘trying to fulfill a goal’ so that I at least could say to myself, ‘hey I have tried and I am not to blame if it does not work out’ where in I was playing it out with ‘hesitation’ and so what eventually manifested, was this hesitation within and as myself as the outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here see how I was playing it out only for the experience and to keep myself busy with it, as I did not know another effective way of ‘dealing’ with it and I was so distracted by it that I could not focus for a longer time on other dimensions, as somehow it felt like ‘I have to fulfill this goal first’ before I am able to focus on other dimensions within my life, as this felt as if I would ‘loose’ this one goal if and when I would ‘let it go’ as in focussing on other area’s, where in at that time, I was not aware of the application of self-forgiveness as the tool to really’ let go’ of something as in making peace with it through understanding the whole mechanism within and as myself as the mind playing out in and as this phytsical reality.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of shame, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I face something within myself where in I have compromised myself that I did not yet take responsibility for, so this is the moment to do so. I also realize that here, I can immediately take responsibility for the experience of shame as well within the self-support of self-forgiveness and that I do not need to stay in it, only as long as I need to forgive myself and understand myself in this specific compromising behaviour so that from here, I change myself and prevent myself from going into the compromising behaviour again.

I commit myself to face myself within a compromising pattern or behaviour and I commit myself to be self-honest and take responsibility for my part of self-interest that I participate in and have lived out and from here, move myself out of the real shame for compromising myself and/as others as well within the specific point that I face and from here I commit myself to prefent myself from going into this pattern again and instead, consider all dimensions that I see within myself and clearing my starting-point before taking action or living out a certain (biological/physical integrated) behaviour and clearing my starting-point.

When and as I see myself going into a state of ‘recklessness’ of ‘not being ashamed of what I say or do’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that here, I create an opposite experience within my mind as an excuse or justification to walk a certain compromising pattern or behaviour as a way to try to fulfill a specific goal, without firstly investigating all dimensions within me.

I commit myself to be careful with myself and others and firstly investigate my starting-point when and as I see something that I would like to fulfill and from here, move myself breath by breath and investigate what is coming up within me and what is living within others that are involved and what the practical possibilities are as well.

I commit myself to let go of certain goals to fulfil and instead, live my utmost potential as my purpose within my daily life and so step by step, breath by breaht, see what I can create, coming from a starting-point of self-respect and integrity and considering life as a whole, as what is best for all, in short-term and/or long-term, depending on the possibilities and context.

When and as I see myself experiencing a fear of loss, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I fear to loose some attention as idea to create energy that I hold within me. I also realize that the experience of fear of loss is very much layered and so I need to walk through this layer by layer through time, forgiving myself for all the specific experiences that are connected and related.

I commit myself to within the moment of fear of loss, see what I practically can walk, if I need to do some steps in this physical reality to walk through and if this is possible in that moment and situation, where in I consider others that are involved and check if the ‘walking through’ will support them as well, or that I need to go to writing and bring it back to myself in this way and only for myself so that I can live the correction after this.

I commit myself to layer by layer, walk through the physical manifestation of the experience of fear of loss and within this, stand up for and as myself, in self-respect and integrity and as well as support for others in self-respect and integrity, when and as possible.

The Secret to Self-Realization:

(…) You will do Self Forgiveness and Write Every day, but without SHAME – you will Not Change, and it will All be in VAIN. Even PAIN will not Change Humanity. It will Only Be SHAME. SHAME will be the First REAL Physical Feeling, and Once You Change – You Rebirth as Life, you will Learn to FEEL for Real and be Really Alive.
Those that are of the Illusion as CONsciousness, can Feel No Shame! The Only Shame they Know is the Shame the System use to Keep one Enslaved. Real Shame is a Physical Realisation that Will Remain WITH You, As You, ‘TILL YOU CHANGE!

The NICE thing about SHAME, is that it is a Real Time Indicator as to Where you Are in Your Process. NO Shame yet, NO Change yet.
But, do Not Stop Self Forgiveness. Realise, that initially – Self-Forgiveness is Removing the Layers of Self Deception and suddenly, Shame will be HERE – then the Journey to Change Start. Then the Outcome is Certain. You WILL be Reborn as Life. (…)

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Previous blog: 15. The insemination

Next blog: 17. A relationship ending (in the past)


Proces van zelfverandering:

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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive