Dag 820 – Redefining the word ‘strong’

At the moment I am writing and preparing in different places, also in Dutch and so my ‘process blog-writing’ here goes slow. This does not mean that I ‘stopped’ the process-writing or process in general or that I am struggling with something; it merely means that I want to do many things – practical and on the internet besides work as well – and that I am dividing my time between it all. Also,when I do not write a blog, I still walk my process every day as ‘process’ for me has become a part of my daily life.

This having said, I would like to write a bit about the word ‘strong’ or strength!

Bernard, as well as the dimensions through the portal, mentioned that ‘I am a strong woman’ (‘you need to accept this’ said B). I did see the ‘truth’ in this, I ‘feel’ and notice this inside myself, however at the same time I could not find a suitable definition for it and this then made me being hold up with the ‘old’ definition of ‘strong’ as if I am or should be strong, like ‘not being weak’ and ‘having a ‘strong body’ or ‘standing strong within a point’ and things like that and at the same time, not wanting to make an ‘ego-point’ out of it.

I do have a little issue with muscle strength. I see this related to how my mind is set up within my physical body – I have written a blog about this – and so I see my muscle strength as a bit less than average – besides this I see it also related to my posture. (note I do function well and am able to put in a lot physical effort, however within training etc I see how I take on less weight than could be ‘expected’ with my age and condition). Recently, I did see it coming up as an emotional point, where with a specific muscle-testing, one asked me ‘to hold as strong as possible’ and this was not really a lot lol, meaning that the one testing could easily pull through my hold. I then suppressed the emotion – I did not want to show I was touched by it and I also did not see it as ‘so important’, with the result that I did become ‘untestable’ lol and I firstly needed to express the emotion. I also saw myself lately – last few months – giving a lot of effort to strengthen my muscles in the gym. I did feel some result, however little and slow. I see more dimensions related to this, however I do keep it to the definition of the word strong for this blog.

Last friday we had a chat on destonians.com with Garbriëlle looking into redefining some words. Here she came forward with a definition of ‘Strong’ meaning: ‘I can trust my self-honesty’.

I found this such striking redefinition that really resonates with me and then looking back, I can relate it to what Bernard probably did see 7 years ago with saying ‘you are a strong woman’- meaning ‘you can trust your self-honesty‘ – especially because he also mentioned that ‘I see what is real’ as my strength. (Many times, only years later his words do fall into place; actually when I am ready to understand and integrate it within myself).

This gives me a definition to move on with: Strong as ‘I can trust my self-honesty’. As this is also something that I was looking at lately, how I ‘know’ in a way when I do see something REAL although I may not yet being able to express myself according to what I see or although some reactions may come up. So that is then the next step: how to express myself according to my self-honesty, to what I see, within my strength as trusting my self-honesty.

It is also a definition that works in any given moment. No matter how ‘weak’ I physically may feel in a moment, no matter what my condition is (which is fine overall, I just point out all possible situations) – I can trust my self-honesty and so ‘be strong’. I like that, it is awesome. I can stand with it in any time and given situation and at the same time I can not make an ego-point of it because I will notice this not being self-honest and so I cannot trust it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my muscle strength defines my inner strength, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘strong’ means that I can trust my self-honesty and that this then may reflect in my physical appearance as in my stand and muscle-tone, aligned with the individual potential of my physical condition and constitution as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move in polarity from strong to weak to strong to weak etc, instead of standing strong within the core of my being in every moment and any given situation, within the ability of trusting my self-honesty and within the ability of expressing myself accordingly.

Remembering a song shared on facebook last week (by Ida via Leila): Soft to be strong – a lot going on around the word Strong!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be strong within and as my physical body without trusting myself, in and as my self-honesty, in every moment and given situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question and doubt myself in my self-honesty and / or to not live up to my self-honesty through distractions within desire and fear, through emotional turmoil and so weakening myself instead of making myself stronger within trusting my self-honesty and (practise) expressing myself accordingly in and as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I feel ‘weak’ in some way, to stop, breathe and see within myself where I am not trusting my self-honesty, to embrace and forgive myself within the related fear as self-dishonesty that I see, within and as softness yet firmness and from here, practise to express myself, aligned with my self-honesty in that moment and given situation – may it be sounding a self-forgiveness, may it be words into the world, may it be silence for that moment.

To be continued and walked in the physical. Thanks!


Proces van zelfverandering:
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www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 771 – Timing

What I find often within myself is how I tend to want to speak about something as soon as possible, as if I have to do it now, otherwise it is too late. This is then still fear-based in some dimensions and in this I will miss some dimensions within myself to consider, which will have a consequence, for myself but for others as well.

I also find, if I am not really sure about the consequence outflow of my words, where I see that this that I can not see, may have a harmfull outflow, that I better give myself and the situation some more time to unfold. This is ofcourse only possible for situations where a conversation can take place later, as there are and will be situations where a decision needs to be made in a certain time-frame or even ‘right now’.  But this is not what I mean here with my tendency to want to speak about something right now or as soon as possible’.

I actually fear an outcome here in one way or another or, I fear a confrontation, where I then want to have it done as soon as possible, to free myself from the uncomfortable experience of uncertainty and anxiety or nervousness within myself. However when I come forward with aconfrontation from this starting-point of fear, I will afterwards, have a longer and ‘lingering’ outflow of unconfortability, where in I am rewalking the situation over and over again in my mind, trying to make peace with myself in the fact that I did not give myself more time to consider every visible aspect or, to wait (if and when possible) if I see that I do not have enough information about the effect of my words or decision. So it is then a ‘waiting’ for more data / information , to have a more considered timing for a converstation to take place in a way that is causing the less possible friction or turbulating effect.

Timing

I find it not so easy to find the timing but I do see that this is related to my own anxiety and uncomfortability when having to confront myself in a certain situation. So it is also possible that I delay to bring something forward, in trying to prevent friction and conflict and then from here, it is possible that it comes out in a moment because the delaying has given an accumulation of the nervousness and anxiety within myself. And when I started with a bad timing, I make it more difficult for myself to then bring it back in timing / alignment with myself again, as I am sort of running away from admitting to myself that I from the start, did not consider every aspect and did not consider or apply the best timing that I already had seen as possible but that I found myself unable to apply.

It may be so that the outcome of it in general may be the same, because what is triggered inside, is already inside and it needs to come out anyway somehow. However at least for myself (and so probably also for others involved), it will prevent a lot of turmoil and uncertainty and experiences of guilt and regret and ‘reliving’ of the situation in my mind, over and over again, to find out if and where I could have done different.

It is so much of a learning process and I find ‘timing’ one of the most challenging points – not so much in my actions but mostly in the timing of my words – where I actually find it challenging to on forehand, become calm and stable and certain in what I want and who I am, as what I see that is standing within the principle of ‘best for all’ as best for myself on longterm. It actually has to do with self-trust; to trust myself in walking breath by breath and not ‘walking ahead’ in my mind and then ‘wanting to get it done’.

What I see is that within this ‘rushing’, I try to get away from taking responsibility for myself within self-honesty, so I try to avoid my own self-honesty and the possible outflow, where in what I see in self-honesty, may not be aligned with what I prefer and if that is so, then I need to let go that what I prefer because on long-term, my self-honesty is what I will keep standing in and as, as what is best for myself as life. And this self-honesty is also ‘layered’ I would say, as if in each layer that I  walk through, there is a point of honesty that I may need to reconsider and go to the core of myself in what it really is that I can do as best for myself on long-term and to find out what is coming forward out of myself in my comfort-zone and what is really and truly my utmost potential in this specific moment or situation and how I am going to walk this.

To be continued

Desteni I Process


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive