Dag 808 – Zero point

Back to writing! It is a month ago since my last blog which is not as long as it seems. I really start missing this moment with myself in the writing of a blog and sharing it with you who is reading. I find it different and more effective in the sense of grounding the self-commitment, than the introspection writings throughout the day on paper. As in ‘two or more in my name’; there is a witness to the life-commitment. Within the blog-writing I am satisfied with and as myself to express myself in what I stand for and as. This all because of me being part of a group of ‘journey to life – walkers’ 🙂 (which we actually are all as humanity) however here specificly with the application of the writing-tools find in Desteni I Process Lite as a free online-course. For all who are considering and / or hesitating to start a blog as a 7 years journey to life after doing this course; I can really recommend to start the writing.

I will continue on the subject of disappointment as I am not yet finished with this emotion. I find it very deep ingrained within me on many levels but all related to a particular area.

When looking back at my path with regards to relationships, the overall experience is….such a disappointment. Not about who I have met and walked with, but more in relation to the results, the endings, the non-continuation and so many start-overs.

I feel like I am at zero point within it all. Like nothing did make any sense of what I have walked in it, as it all lead to a death end, while I so much did my best to make it work. I know by consciousness that it is not about ‘a relationship with another’ mainly but more about the relationship with myself. Did this improve? Yes the relationship with myself did improve for sure.

Then what makes this experience of disappointment so deeply ingrained; what makes me feel such a failure in this area? I mean I can describe it more beautiful and see the lessons in it etc etc, however how I mainly experience myself in it all is not so beautiful. And this does not make it easier to open myself up for a potential new relationship / agreement and put myself out there. It feels like this sorrow and disappointment is all over my face and visible within my eyes; like a droopy. It feels like I have walked this same route a trillion times and perhaps it is a preprogramming existing throughout all my lives.

However, I am here in this one life, having the basics within myself and my life (housing, income, health, education) in a stable place and having the luck to be in a position to accomplish this. So, I everytime come back to the point that I will will myself to at least give it my all to become more satisfied with myself in this area and who knows, creating a satisfying sharing-ship (I just made up this word) that suits myself and another and so that is best for ourselves as life as a whole.

I notice that I am not living my best potential and that I actually have missed, again and again, my best potential in this one point. So I more see this area as a motivation to push myself beyond the mind. Making the strength out of a weakness where in this area I almost every day doubt if I will ever be able to make something more of myself. I more and more see how challenging it is to move myself beyond the mind-programming and how convenient and ‘natural’ it feels to stay within the comfort of what I already know.

I have had several times a ‘meeting’ with the bees (yes the insects) that stands out to me. First time was a few weeks ago when a swarm bees were flying above my garden. It gave a loud buzzing and they keep hanging around for quite some time. I just had read before an article that some swarms were being let out or something like that – I am not even sure if it was in my living-area – and to just let them be(e) as they were replacing themselves. A little while later I shared this with a befriended couple and we looked up the information about ‘meaning of meeting bees’ in your life. The thing that was clearly mentioned is the work effort they put in every day. On my way home after this meeting again…the swarm was passing over above my head. Very remarkable as it was days or even weeks later after the first time having the swarm above my garden. I looked it up again at home in another book – same thing mainly came forward, as putting in the work and effort.

Today in the garden I sat next to flowers with bees busy close to me and even sat on my legs now and then. Now within this all – what also did go through me is thoughts like ‘oh my, what if they come down in the garden and the cats are still out there (first time with the swarm above the garden) or today thoughts like ‘hmmm will it stick me when sitting on my leg’? But mainly I enjoyed them being around. And here, while taking a break of this blog with a coffee in the garden, again surrounded by these bees, what again comes to my awareness is to look at and integrate the work and effort. Like a bee being diligent.

I had reflected on this ‘work and effort’ earlier this week and actually came to see that I did Not really put in the work and effort to really Create a sharing-ship with a male-partner (I do bring in myself more in friendships with females and also males; that is why I mention it specific as male-partner here). It somehow looks like I do a lot for it but when looking back, I every time step in from a point of convenience and from there trying to bring in what I find important, which then mainly fails on long term. I am not yet making this last step, this push of ‘this is who I am and what I stand for’. And within this I create an experience of disappointment and difficulty.

When really looking at this point of work and effort, it is not difficult persé but more a constant and continues effort of self-expression that may feel unnatural. And I see this on many levels and area’s, that achieving something is not difficult persé, but more a matter of who is bringing in the time and effort to create that something that is seen as a possibility as best for life as a whole.

So yes, here I have failed to do this and this level of ‘failing’ (Dutch and English blog) is hidden inside myself; where it looks from a mind-perspective that I ‘tried everything’. I find it a very much veiled dimension of why things may ‘fail’ to take shape and sustain. The mind makes it look like ‘everything has been done already’ when actually nothing is accomplished in and as a sustainable and effective matter. Welcome to how the world is build up and exist today.

No surprise then that the bees are ‘threatened in their existence’. As the bees Do bring in this effort and they Do matter, however we as the human race tend to destroy it all from a starting-point of the mind, of superiority, of making money more important than Life.

Here the word Humbleness does make sense a lot. As something that we need to integrate as humans in and as ourselves and so in and as our way of living.

Back to myself – I can use the word humbleness to support myself to start from scratch in this zero-point. I need to admit that I have not yet developped the best approach with regards to finding and creating a sharing-ship with a male partner. What I find striking as well in Leila’s blog, how she describes how walking a change, does contain admitting that I had not yet done and walked what is best in this area and this may exist as a reason / resistance and standing in the way, of actually changing for real:

(…) ‘Don’t change, because if you change, you’re actually acknowledging that something’s wrong with you, that you’re less than, that you’re…bad!’ (…)

Let’s go to the application of self-forgiveness to open up and make room for the practical application of change; as a start of this change within and without.

Self-forgiveness being walked in the next blog.

The Consciousness of the Bees

Proces van zelfverandering:
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog

The Secret to Self-Realisation:


Proces van wereldverandering:

Uil forgive

Dag 583 – The mind-body relationship – Introduction

Desteni I Process Lite

Here I will start writing more in detail about the relationship between the mind and body as how I have walked this thus far and as a support for myself to start walking this more in detail. I have walked quite an extensive path with regards to physical conditions, especially located within the intestines and diagnosed as spastic colon. Within this I have supported myself with several specialised treatments and diagnoses, from alternative diagnoses to the regular investigations as for example an endosopie in the hospital. There were no remarkable signs in the endoscopie, except the cramping of the intestine as how is well-known as the condition of a spastic colon. I have done all these investigations to make sure there was nothing more serious going on that I would need to change my approach on, as for example alarming changes within the mucous membrane of the intestine that I could not support myself in. This was not so in fact, however I had already walked a path with an orthomoleculair therapist to strengthen the mucous membrane of the large intestine that was quite needed. Within walking this path with the support of several alternative medical treatments and diagnoses, as well as the regular medical check-ups, I have developped an awareness of my body within knowing when I have to ask for support and when I am able to support myself. This with the side-note that I have studied natural medicine for 6 years and from here, working in the area of the natural medicine/food-supplements for more then 10 years where in I have everything ‘by hand’ so to speak to support myself as much as I can.

I have come now to the point of needing to look more in detail how I created and how I create the internal irritations and how I disturb my own physical body within the relationship of myself, the mind and the body as how I have created this relationship in a way that is not best for myself and the body (and so not best for all), but more based on survival technics in/as the mind. In the mean time I always keep an eye on myself and my body and use the support of some natural treatments and diagnose-methods to keep on supporting myself to walk this path more in detail and to get these patterns out of my body, more to the surface so that I can face myself within and from here, support myself with the tools of writing and sounding of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

The writings will be in English, the vlogs I will continue doing in Dutch as how I started on the new YouTube-channel ‘mijn Lijf mijn Leven’ where until now, I mostly described some alternative treatments that are available in The Netherlands that I have experience with and I will expand on this in allignment with the blogs that I will write here more in detail about the mind-body relationship. I will keep on doing these vlogs in Dutch as I am well-known with what is available in The Netherlands and less with what is available in other countries. However the mind-body-relationship is not bound to the availability of the treatments and it is applyable for everyone who is willing to see into self and to support self and the body in relation to the mind. The treatments can be additional investigated within the allignment of what is available in the country that one lives in.

It will be a discovery or ‘uncovery’ for myself as well to walk the detail of the mind-body relationship within and as myself and also I do not know who I will be without being restricted in this limited relationship that I have created for and as myself. I will start and continue walking and my purpose is to take responsibility for and as myself in whatever I uncover within the mind-body relationship within and as myself, within the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrections, as this is the most humble and at the same time, the most powerfull application that I have seen and applied that is lasting and stable. To embrace myself in who I have become, to the betterment of the relationship with and as myself, my body and mind and from here, with others and the world around me, so that I can be and become a humble and considering human being who cares for and as life.

My deep appreciation for being here, for reading, sharing and walking together alone.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline


From Responding / Reacting to the Mind – to Response-ability / Direction in Reality: DAY 477


This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
Equal Life Foundation:
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Zelfeducatie free:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf: