Dag 594 – The body-being-mind relationship – The need for specifity on a physical level

The-ColonAt the moment, my large intestine is very much cramped. I am investigating what thought-patterns and emotional reactions I find related to and within this, as I see these of influence on the vegetative nerve-system through which I put pressure and constrictions on and within the intestine. I am not yet clear on how and what specific influence is happening here and will keep on investigating this inside myself. What I at the moment want to write about is the food.

Already for a while, I notice that my food is pretty aligned with my body in general, but there are specific influences that I could not get sight on. So every day I notice some small triggers within my food and also a combination of food that is ‘too much’ to digest. Because my intestine had already become stronger through the last few years, my body could more or less handle this. Now, with changing the living situation (from living alone to living together) and I assume, with the mind more integrated within and as the physical and the start of walking the quantum mind / quantum physical, I am coming into a new layer within myself. The layer within my body, within my intestine that I always notice on the background, where in I am feeling so much tiredness. Tiredness of myself and my body within this constriction, deep within myself/my physical body that I notice within the condition of a spastic colon. Deep within myself, I am (mentally and physically manifested) in a state of control, spastic.

So, looking at the necessity of becoming more specific within the application of self-forgiveness on the thoughts, emotions (and feelings), I see that I also need to apply this with the food I take. I did not use a specific guideline in relation to this condition. I am eating pretty much as how it is mentioned within the blood-type diet (blood-type A) and also as how some tests with bio-resonance are showing, where in it seemed that my food was still ‘quite okay’. However, I notice that it is not. It is not specific enough ‘okay’. If I need to be very specific within taking on my mind-system, then I also need at the moment to be very specific with the food I take in because as mentioned in the previous blog, my body/intestine has become sensitive to thoughts and emotions and also to food.

For the last few weeks/months, I saw myself taking in the food in some kind of hurry and I noticed some enslavement involved that I did not want to investigate, meaning I did not want to take a more specific look towards/within the food I take. I have a collegue who is very specific with food and with the care-taking of her body. So, now my condition had become very bad, meaning a very much constricted large intestine and no longer being able to release myself from the waste in an acceptable way, I discussed this with her, as she had already mentioned before a food-approach that is coming from Australia and that is applied within the condition of IBS/Irritable Bowel Syndrome where in the results are quite well.

I investigate this aproach and make the decision to start following this/testing this out. It is not so much different as how I am already eating, it is only more specific and coming from a different approach that is specific related to this sensitive bowel condition. While reading the guidelines, I see confirmed what I already noticed within myself when taking in some food, however I did not understand how and why I should react to this specific food so I kept on taking it in. Here it becomes clear to me every time how important it is and how it is of much support – to have information as a kind of frame to place our own physical investigations within.

Because and as long as I am interfearing in/as the mind within myself, I am not (yet?) able to really see and understand what it is that I experience, I am missing the frame, the context as certainty and so, I am not able to apply it effectively only by myself alone. Here it is clear how it is of so much importance to have much more context with regards to our own health. Context that is already available, but only for a very small group who has money and access within this area of the ‘natural healthcare’. The general public health service is not giving this context, it is very limited at the moment and so, it is very difficult for most human beings to get grip and sight on the health of their own physical body. But this is another subject on itself.

So, I have a context and guideline now to follow and I will start very specific applying this guideline. As specific as I have not yet done before. Until I see now, as mentioned above: if the mind is specificly programmed (in and as the (allowance of) myself) and if my body is sensitive for these specifities, then from a point of common sense I can conclude that my body is also specificely sensitive to food. As confirmed with information and physical test-cases within different physical applications that are used in relation to several bowel conditions.

I notice that I experience fear within myself to do so, which I see related to seeing/walking paste my comfortzone as how I know myself within my own mind-consciousness system, into a new area of/within myself, where it is as if I as my whole mind-consciousness-system is putting it’s ‘heals in the sand’ which gives this very tied constriction within my physical body, from neck to tale, with cramping consequenses for the intestine. I experience a fear of failure: what if this more specific application will not be of support, what if it will not work out? The ‘what if’ fear that I participate very much in, in relation to this physical condition. And that is something to walk within the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘what if my large intestine is always cramped like this and what if I am not able to release myself anymore?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘what if the poo is not coming out’?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the situation will always be like in the worst moments/days and within this, I participate in fear instead of supporting myself effectively within these ‘worst’ days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the worst days will alway long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on continuing participating in ‘worst case scenario’s’ in relation to my physical condition because and when I do not see a long term solution in/as the mind, instead of supporting myself physically breath by breathe, moment by moment and focus on who I am within this condition, towards and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the small moments of support will not make a difference because I am already so long ‘busy’ with this condition that I expect a ‘miracle change’ in one day or nothing at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still expect one big moment of change and if this is not coming, I expect it to ‘not work out’, instead of learning to trust myself in every breath and walk it moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I do not see an immediate solution and total understanding of my physical condition, I think and believe that I will ‘never get there’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience panic within and as myself when and as I am not able to release myself effectively from the physical waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the result as ‘being free of crampings and having a comfortable release-pattern of the waste of my physical body’, instead of focussing on who I am in relation to myself within this physical condition.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought ‘what if my intestine is always cramped?’, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is not effective in and as support for myself and/as physical body and it doesnot make any sense as it only brings more pressure/constrictions in/as the mind, in and on myself. I commit myself to stop participating in the thought ‘what if my intestine is always cramped’. If and when I do not know what to do in such moment, I focus on my breathing and see how I can make it as comfortable as possible within that moment in a physical position where in I do not feel the pressure all the time and so, do not stress myself out but instead, focus on the relaxation position that I place myself in. If this is not an option because of being for example at work, I will support myself to  focus on stopping the participation in thoughts about the condition and slow down physically while I continue with my work.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought ‘what if I am not able to release myself anymore?’, I stop and breathe. I realize that it is unlikely that I wil not be able to release myself anymore and I realize that I have build a constriction over time and so, it takes time to walk through the consequence/walk it back to where it started. I commit myself to stop participating in the thought ‘what if I am not able to release myself anymore’ and to focus on my breathing until the experience of panic becomes less, which is most of time related to a specific point/place within my intestine where I stored some experiences that I experience/recall over and over again when the poo is pushing against these fibers/muscles that are constricted. I commit myself to keep on looking into specific thought-patterns and stored emotions that lead to this build up constriction through time and support myself to release myself from the related energy with sounding self-forgiveness.

I realize that I have placed so much guilt on myself because of this condition where in I lost sight on my own responsibility within this condition. I commit myself to stop participating in an experience of guilt related to my physical condition. I commit myself to investigate/release myself from the pressure of expectations within and as myself in relation to my physical condition and who I think that I am supposed to be/become.

When and as I see myself focussing on a result in and as being free of crampings and having a comfortable release of waste, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in a future-projection in polarity of the fear of ‘that I will never get there’ and so, create that I will never get there. I realize that I expect a miracle-solution in/as the mind in ‘one moment’ and if not so I believe I will never get there, instead of walking the solution physical, day by day, breathe by breathe where in I learn to focus on who I am in every breathe. I commit myself to stop focussing on a result of being free of cramping and having a comfortable release of waste and instead, focus on learning to release myself from the constricting thought-patterns and related emotions in/as the mind, by applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application on specific thoughts and patterns that are coming up through the day, related to my physical condition.

I realize that it is a lot of work and so, that it takes time to walk through, where in I realize that I experience the same ‘I will never get there’ as when I started to walk this process by walking the conscious and subconscious layers. I commit myself to keep on walking day by day, moment by moment in and as the realization that I did walk through the layers of the conscious/subconscious system into a more comfortable ‘living’ and so, I have seen and proven for and as myself that it is possible to stand up in equality towards and as my own mind-consciousness system if and when I walk in patience and take very small steps. Not as an end-result to focus on but as a support for and as myself to realize that it will not always be like how it is in the worst/tough moments.

I commit myself to support my physical body / my large intestine to calm down by taking only food specificely as how described that is allowed and not triggering the intestine unnecessary within the guideline of the FODMAP-diet as a physical tested support for the condition of IBS for the next 4-6 weeks as how is described. (One can google FODMAP to see what it contains – I use a Dutch PDF-document that I received).

I commit myself to start cleaning my large intestine with colon hydro-therapy as a physical support to release the physical waste as detoxes that I build up through the years within my intestine, as a support to calm down the vegetative nerve system and as a support for my intestine to find it’s rhythm and peristaltic movements again within the possibilities of my physical state and as a support for myself to release myself from the panic about toxicating myself because of this not optimum physical state of my intestine.

I commit myself to keep on writing and to push myself to do so as I notice that within the writing, I give myself direction and lead myself through this rough/tough physical state in which I release my intestine from the mental waste that I put on and in where in I realize that I need direction and so, I need myself to lead myself through.

irritable_bowel_syndromeThe mind-body relationship – Timeline

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Advertenties

Dag 411 – Speaking myself through the top of a headache and see further

female symbol

Some days ago I started to see how within the whole condition of my intestines there are related emotions towards an experience of inferiority of myself as a female towards males. It was still vague and very deep located in the body, and I was somehow aware of this always, but is was also always ‘there’ so to speak, so at the same time, I was not really aware of it that one of the dimensions of the tense in my intestine is related to this experience.

I spoke quite a lot of self-forgivenesses through the day and the point started to move, and I also felt it related to the liverfunction, as some kind of emotional suppression within myself which gives my liver a difficult time to do it’s job properly ( in energetic test-results it shows often that the liver need some support in the function of detoxification). However I felt I did not really move through. At night I had a chat with my buddy, and we discussed the point. She gave me some blogs of her where she had written out a similar point some time ago.

Today my period started and I woke up with a slight headache on the background; I have this more often right before and/or at the beginning of the period; even so had my mother, it was actually the only thing that she complained about from what I remember as a child, and when here periods stopped because of the menopause, she has very seldom headaches anymore. This specific headache is started within the muscles on top of my shoulder (muscules trapezius), goes to the occiput-bones, and is also connected to some points within my large intestine where cramps are located. From what I understood from a tradionional chinese medicin practiser and also feel within my own body, is that the points are all located on the liver-meridian.

If I moved slowly and focus on relaxing my shoulders and stopping the thinking every time, the headache was ‘bearable’, and I did my daily tasks in a slow way. I had a chat with Larry and I discussed some of this point with him, and still felt in this how I was not really able to move and express within this point, and actually felt myself sitting back within this experience of inferiority as a female towards a male (which is not an experience that I have particulair towards him, it is more general existing on the background within myself, which gives a sense of ‘control’ in the communication with a male).

So afterwards, I decided to read the blogs that my buddy send me. I read them out loud and in between I added self-forgiveness on the points I saw coming up within me, related to this point. Halfway the speaking of the blogs, the area in and around my intestines became warm, emotions came up, and I could speak myself through the top of the headache while speaking the self-forgiveness. I saw why it was not something that I could write myself easily, as it where points coming up that I had not really lived myself but more points that I was actually ‘holding myself back from’, as it are points that I had seen my mother participating in quite extremely, not so much in angryness as well in a direct giving up on herself on forehand, before even speaking to the male, in and as a starting point of ‘not being listened to’, and vice versa, my father was not an ‘angry’ person at all, but could have a particular stubborn way of expressing and/or actually not expressing. So most of these signs took more place in a ‘not expressing’ rather than in expressing through angryness and other emotional voiced words.

And for myself, I tried to keep myself away as much as possible from this ‘behaviour’ coming forward out of an experience of inferiority and ‘not being listened to’,  where in I do become angry when this experience is triggered, and so in reality keeping this meant that i tried to keep  myself away from a relationship with a male that really had a chance to succeed.

I will keep on investigating this point as this is only opening up, and share some more about it if and when a point comes up that I need to write out more specificly. So far this is a moment of witnessing for myself of how to speak myself through (the top of) a physical point with the speaking and reading out load of self-forgiveness which gives relieve of the physical pain/discomfort and support to let go the stored emotional energetic experience that gives the pain and discomfort. it is also a witnesssing of how blogs from others can assist and support in walking through points inside ourselves within sounding the self-forgiveness out loud for and within ourselves, even though the words might be slightly ‘personally different’ placed; the construct is basicly the same as a construct of the experience of female-inferiority against male-superiority which is widely lived, played out, constructed and build up within and as the mind-consciousness-system within and so in and as this world-system without.

Related blogs that I read out load:

Who I am in Relation to MEN as Patriarchs: DAY 130

Why Women Use Emotional Manipulation: DAY 131

Why Women become Submissive in Discussions with Males: DAY 132

Some self-forgiveness on the most prominent points coming up within and as my own memories related to this point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so powerless when and as I see my mother going into in what I perceive as a submissive attitude before she even started to speak about something with my father, and within this, starting to reject my mother in and as this behaviour, as I did not want to have something to do with what I saw and felt so powerless in, and so trying in and as rejecting, to keep myself away from this submission towards the male, in and as a belief that if I keep myself seperated from it, it could not really effect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel really compassion for my mother in and this behaviour as what I saw as so hopeless unable to express herself and stand up, which is a feeling that I did not allow myself to really feel and stand up in, because I myself did not know how to express myself and stand up, and so, I rejected her and within this, seperated myself from this experience of hopelessness and desperation in and as belief in the incapability of expressing self and standing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and so perceive myself as incapable of really directing myself in and as self-expression, while at the same time, I know and am aware of my capability to stand up in this, which gives and has given a friction and conflict within myself for so long, seperated in a vision of myself which is not compatible with how I am living myself within reality every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopelessly sad and suppressed when I see my father as what I perceive as ‘stuck within himself, not being able to express himself’, while I see as what I interpreted as the friction, stuckness and disempowerment on his face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck inside myself when and as I am not able to express myself looking at my father, which gives an experience of friction, stuckness and disempowerment within myself from which I believe I am not allowed to stand up in, because when I do stand up in this, I leave my father alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for the experience that I perceived within my father but actually was experiencing within myself, of feeling stuck, frictioned and disempowered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freeze inside whenever I hear the subtile manipulations and little nasty tonations and words between my parents which are build up inside and so find a way out, because of this incapability of open and frank self-expression with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply and endless sad because of an experience of being caught within this pattern between my parents, feeling unable to change anything within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanted so badly that my parents had a ‘happy and open’ marriage and if this was not possible, that they then better could have a divorce so that this pattern could be broken through and that I did no longer need to sit in between.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a divorce as the only option as solution for the problem to open up the situation in and as communication, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived myself the ‘solution of leaving a relationship’ as the only way that I saw to solve the problem as opening up the situation, experienceing myself as unable to stay and open up myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I am better of alone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself caught in between my parents where in it even looks like that I enlarge the pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I enlarge the pattern between my parents, and within this, make myself, in and as this believe, responsible for their incapability to communicate effectively together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and feel myself responsible for what I see as their incapability to communicate effectively with each other, but when I asked my mother sometimes about it, she denied everything and said she had no problems at all with it, while at the same, in the rare moments that my father expressed himself openly in his dissatisfaction and disappointment about things in his life, first thing that my mother said was ‘don’t be so negative’, and so, the communication was suppressed immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the communication with my mother by acting like ‘I am fine’ and by not really listening and or waving away her expression when she did express her dissatisfaction about little things in her life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to touch my fathers protectionmechanism as for me it feels like so much accumulation that it is almost imbearable and so, I should tiptoe around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I perceive as the imbearable load of what my father is suppressing inside himself as emotions and feelings and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself the imbearable load of what I am suppressing inside myself as emotions and feelings, instead of seeing, realising, and understanding how only the suppressing and accumulation makes it unbearable as being ‘too much’, while walking it through one by one, it becomes something that I am able to do and actually that everyone is/will be able to do if the tools of how to do this are provided.

*

Next day my shoulders and neck feel like ‘having more space’ to move around, the headache is still gone, and also the few hours of menstruationpain in the belly that I often have at start, did not come up this month. The tension and delay in the large intestine is still here although there is a layer on top opening up a bit, which is a point I will keep on investigating for and within myself, layer after layer.

After finishing this blog, a very intense cramping pain is coming up inside my intestine, so I lay down on the floor, push soft but constant on the pain-point, hold my legs against me to come deeper within my body and start investigating and applying self-forgiveness untill the cramp relieves, push through when the pain is unbearable, push and stay, push and stay, not giving up this time, because as Bernard says, when you cannot have it anymore, you have to push through, and so I do, it must be here, if there is a pain, there is something suppressed; until I see something of myself as who I am and within this, the cramping gives in, starts moving and releasing:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in a moment of revenge (from with I do not have a direct memory, I can only see the direction within the experience which is from a very young age) choose between my father and mother, and within this, play them out against each other in and as my mind,  where in I try to hold on to my father and push anway my mother, but my father is gone, he is not here and because I have already choosen, I cannot go back, and so I have to protect myself in and as this ‘choice between’, caught within polarity in and as the mind, welcome to the evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have made ‘the wrong choice’, where in I perceive, think and believe that I cannot go back, I don’t know how to go back, and so I keep on following this pattern my whole life, playing it out within relationships where in I every time again ‘choose’ for the male who is unavailable, ‘not here’ and leave the male who is staying next to me no matter what, where in I end up alone and within this creating an experience of eternal sadness – which I know now, is generating energy within myself – and for a long time blaming my mother for the whole set up within myself, because she is the only one that is still here and involved in it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret to not really see how my mother was always standing with me – with her ‘faults’ of course but she was here – because I turned away from her, looking for the one that was missing, believing that he must be somewhere, I felt ‘this love’ inside, I know ‘he loves me’, so where is he?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand where he is and why he is not coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for not finding him, for pushing him/my father away, and so she has to ‘pay for it’, and so I push her away, even so as I blamed her for doing this – an eye for an eye – within and as my perceive and believe that she ‘did this to me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand and believe that I did this to me, to my father and my mother in and as my mind; that I trapped myself within this fall, the fall of the mind in and as an eternal revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my breath away in and as a moment of scare within myself for myself as who I am in and as revenge, in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn to my father in an undefined moment with my mother that I felt threathened by her, but he is not here, I cannot find him and so I have nowhere to go but to go into my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that leaving brings a solution as safety, instead of seeing, realising and understanding, that within leaving, going into and as the mind, I make myself vulnerable for every manipulation in, as and of the mind and ‘loose my safety’ as being here, equal and one with and as the physical at the moment that I choose to leave where at the same time, from now on I need to ‘protect’ myself as who I am in and as this decision of leaving as what is not best for all, so I need to ‘keep on leaving’ to keep the pattern alive as protectionmechanism from seeing myself in the face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay in and as the experience of fear of lost, because I choose to leave and lost myself within this in and as the physical within this one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forgive my father on forehand for everything and to blame my mother on forehand for everything and within this, giving my self-directivess away, creating separation and conflict within and without myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep looking for love outside myself that I perceived I lost once while searching for my father ‘to protect me’, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that it was an experience inside myself, reflecting with and as my father, and so looking outside myself is only seperating myself in and as projection on another human being, even if it happens as a very young child with my father, the principle is the same.

I commit myself to forgive myself the layers upon layers that I created within myself after taking my breath away, and correct myself evenso in and as stopping the revenge in the moment when it comes up, perhaps suppressed in and as a physical pain, investigating and forgiving it specific, until and where in I, slowly but surely, stand up, equal to who I am as the mind, to enable myself to become equal to and one with and as life in and as the physical as what is best for all as life.

I commit myself to stop leaving, to stay here and sort out myself.

To be continued within myself as the pain is moving and opening up a little.

Thank you.

Veno – Self Forgiveness – Male Ego

Veno – Self Forgiveness – Female Ego

enjoying the day

Desteni-I-Process-Lite

——————————————————————————————————————–

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/