Dag 742 – 21. Opportunity to change direction

This blog is related to record 21: Opportunity to change direction

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to change direction and to step into the unknown and within this, knowing that I have somehow ‘missed an opportunity’ for expansion within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not daring to change direction and stepping into a new area, where at the same time, I saw that it may have been too much expansion within the unknown without enough practical and grounded (self-)support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel thorn for so many years between seeing a potential and living a potential and within this, feeling myself as ‘less than’ who I perceive in and as the mind that I can be, without really seeing, realizing and understanding the extensive process that is existing between seeing and living my potential that is not easily stepped in and walked as something that is most challenging for myself and everyone else to really walk in and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think lite’ about the challenging process of stepping into the unknown and within this, letting go of the control of my own mind-programming as ‘that what I know’ and through this ‘thinking lite/light ;-)’, diminishing myself in who I am within walking what I am physically able to in that specific moment and so walk moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through the eyes of my own mind and within this, create a ‘matrix’ or ‘breeding ground’ for ‘feeling less than’ and ‘feeling better than’ others in/as myself within comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself through a separation of my physical stability as ability, within my emotional dependency as inability in/as the mind and so creating this emotional/mind dependency as self-inability in/as the physical and sabotaging and stopping my physical ability as potential to give birth to a child (and to give birth to myself as life as well).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and stop my own physical ability as potential to live, within listening to and living in and as my emotional dependency in/as the mind, instead of stopping my emotinal dependency in/as the mind and stepping into this physical doorway of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself physically and within and as self-expression from a starting-point of fear for the unknown, thinking and believing that I cannot make it, that I will fall into depression and fall apart and crash down if and when I would let go of this emotional dependency in/as the mind as the ‘one and only relationship’ that I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am right and make the right decision when and as I follow that what I know within my emotional dependency in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to hear another advise that is saying that I am allowed to reconsider my decision that I firstly made as a safe ground to walk on, although I do realize somewhere within that moment that I skipp a part of myself to invest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is a possibility to skipp a part of myself to invest and thinking and believing that I ‘do come away with this’ and that I ‘can escape’ somehow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a dream as a ‘consciousness sign’ as a confirmation of my decision in safe ground and to not listen to a practical, physical advise from a friend who is opening up a dimension within and as myself that I have not yet considered, simply because I experience too much fear to open it up and rather stick to consciousness as what know and so, what I believe that I can control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to let go of my limited consciousness system if and when it is not or no longer at my advantage and to want to keep it when and as I think that it is or can be at my advantage and so, separating myself within this conflict of not standing absolute in equality and oneness as what is best for myself as live as a whole, this as a way to avoid the difficult and unknown parts within and as myself to walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to walk around the difficult parts within and as myself, thinking and believing that ‘I do not know how to do this’ but actually to avoid unpleasant experiences within and as myself (that I for example have connected to ‘not knowing how to do this’).

When and as I see myself participating in a thought of ‘I do not know how to do this’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am avoiding an unpleasant experience within and as myself.

I commit myself to allow myself to experience the unpleasant and within this, using the tool of self-forgiveness and breathing, to walk through and see what opens up as possible solution and I commit myself to keep pushing and walking, no matter how slow it goes, no matter how tired I feel or really physically am; this can not be an indication to not push through but even more an indication that I need to keep pushing because ‘going back’, is not an option, where in I realize that this is part of the birthing process of birthing myself as life, in and as the physical, walking through all tge layers of consciousness and taking responsibility for how I have separated myself within all these systemized dimensions.

When and as I see that I ‘think lite’ of the challenging process of stepping into the unknown as no longer following consciousness programming and letting go of a control-mechanism, from myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the theory is easy but really walking it is a different story because in many layers, there are stored unpleasant experiences as moments of an experience of ‘loosing control’ as misunderstanding of what is happening and here I need to walk backwards through these experiences one by one, to be able to forgive as understand myself in this specific experience so that from here, I enable myself to change into a way that is supportive and best for myself and/as others that are involved as well.

I commit myself to keep on supporting myself within the constant and consistent application of breathing, writing and introspection within self-forgiveness as self-understanding and to do this with perseverance, to be able to stand and keep standing within the moment, without taking control in/as the mind and then seeing what opens up, no matter if I fail or fall or apparently not am moving myself and no matter how miserable I experience myself for a while or certain timeframe –  and so, I live and ground myself in and as the word perseverance.

When and as I see myself judging a control-mechanism, from myself or another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that judging in itself is a form of control as the only way that I have learned and seen in and as the mind to try to solve things, when actually the judging in itself keeps the door closed for possible and livable solutions.

I realize that the unpleasant experiences are actually coming from an idea as judgement of how things should be.

I commit myself to start with naming and forgiving the experience that comes up that I find unpleasant, in the moment that I see myself judging a control-mechanism and to name and forgive the idea as judgement within and as myself and I commit myself to first become stable within this and from here, see what needs to be directed within the situation itself that I then can open up without ‘being upset’ and ‘feeling controled’, because then I have already directed myself and so, no longer controling myself with an idea and unpleasant experience and I commit myself to keep on practising this self-stability because,

this in itself is already a change in direction within and as myself and all these little moments of apparently loosing control, are opportunities to change direction, within and as myself.

Previous blog: 20. Searching for the life within me

Next blog: 22. looking back without considering the mind

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Uil forgive

 

Dag 736 – 18. Using emotional manipulation

This blog is related to record 18: Using emotional manipulation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to affirm the love and trust of another to get what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the point of responsibility back to myself as if I am only responsible for what I step into, where in I miss the point of responsibility for what my words and actions have as effect on another, using this ‘responsibility that each one has for oneself’ as an excuse as in that ‘this is the responsibility of that other and then that one should have better taken care of oneself’ where in I see that this is a ‘spiritual approach’ where in each is here to learn a lesson or something, instead of working together and considering all as equal as oneself and from here, see how to create a best possible outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use one’s so called ‘love’ to fulfill my own desire, instead of supporting another to become more stable in a point of dependency and from here, stand equally together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step in and out someone’s life and starting with an ‘end-goal’ in trying to become pregnant, instead of firstly stand the test of time and see if both are willing and able to stand and walk together during a life time, as a stable platform to consider giving birth to a child and raising it within a starting-point of self-responsibility and so, creating the best possible situation to be an example for the child within and as self-responsibility as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signs within me that I am not willing to stand the test of time and instead, try to fulfill ‘as soon as possible’ an end-goal, knowing that if it doesnot happen soon, I will not be able and willing to first walk through the difficulties before considering an end-goal as becoming pregnant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I reflect back on it, actually am wondering how I could push this point as how I did, because the point of responsibility and common sense is so far to be searched in it and so, it is obviously that within this one point, I was far far away in an illusional resporduction-programminging in/as the mind.

Here I remember how a therapist in The Netherlands is stating that for ‘nature and the body’, the importance of existance and survival is gone after the fertility has stopped around the age of 44 and the hormonal status slowly starts changing (where he is using this as a frame-work to look at health-conditions in general and how to approach this), which I see reflected in my own mind as how I have lived this out, trying to fulfill this one goal, as if otherwise, it doesnot make sense to exist or something like that.

When and as I see myself participating in an inner experience of state as that ‘it doesnot make sense’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am participating in a survival-programming in/as the mind that is physical integrated within the hormonal-/reproduction-system and so, it seems very real as the only reason to exist, as well on a mental/emotional level as being lived out on a physical level.

I realize that this is a realistic view because it is physical integrated and manifested through time and genration after generation, however it is also a limited view from a starting-point of how we have always existed in/as the mind consciousness system controling this physical existence with our beingness channeled into this limitation.

I realize that this will take time to forgive/understand and change and that this will need some more generations to fully see through and get to the the bottom of, because it is totally integrated within our physical bodies and how we have developped ourselves within, however I (and we) can start now within/as myself to see through and get to the bottom of it by walking through my mind consiousness system programming, layer by layer and forgive and direct myself within to align with a more holistic approach that is considering life as a whole.

I commit myself to walk through my mind consiousness system programming, layer by layer and forgive and direct myself within, to align with a more holistic approach that is considering life as a whole and to from here, see what effect this will/can have on the physical body and on this physical existence as a whole, for myself in this life and for each other and generations to come, to open up and forgive my/our limitations in/as the accepted and allowed mind-programming and to from here, create a physical existence that actually does make sense, because when and as I/we do exist as life – meaning considering all living beings equal and one – life in itself and it’s expression, is the sense of it, as a practical, physical and living expression of what is best for all, no matter if one is bringing forward life in the form of a new born child or in many other options as a new born creation of our utmost potential as a human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to giving birth to a possible new born child than to a new born creation of my utmost potential within the practical possibilities that I have in this physical existence.

When and as I see myself comparing something that I live and eventually create or not live or create, to what another is living and creating, I stop and breathe.

I realize that by comparing myself in any way to another, I am actually already giving more value to that other than to myself in that moment and so there is something that I do not value within myself that I need to investigate for/within myself.

I commit myself to stop my participation in comparison and from here, see what made me do so and what I do not value within myself and I commit myself to understand and forgive that what I do not value within myself, to see if I can actually do better and so need to push and support myself more to bring myself here in expression or that I have a default idea about this something that I compare myself with but that is actually not realistic and from here, I can forgive and let go this idea and bring forward myself in a more aligned self-expression.

When and as I see myself or another, using emotional manipulation, I stop and breathe.

I realize that comparison is playing a role as when and as emotional manipulation is used, this means that there is a self-value missing and instead, the value is placed on something or someone outside self, which gives an experience and status of disempowerment with all kind of possible outflaws and consequenses.

I commit myself to find the point of responsibility that is missed within that moment, within myself and/as/or within another as myself and from here, see how to best support myself and/as/or another as myself, to understand this point of responsibility and so making it possible to within this (self-)understanding and/as (self-)forgiveness, stand up, equal and one within the responsibility that emerges in and as self.

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Previous blog: 17. A relationship ending (in the past)

Next blog: 19. Playing Russian roulette


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 731 – Self-honesty, self and relationships

self-honesty

Continuing on previous blog.

For more than 6 years now, I am actively walking a process where in it is a core-point for me to transcent the ‘dependency’ within partnership. Through my life, I have had several partners and a pattern existing within this of starting and stopping. I could not find a way to keep my individuality and at the same time, be/become intimate in my sharing with another. I was not able to stand alone within partnership.

Now, what then does this mean? To stand alone? I learned how to stand alone when being/living alone, without a partner but then within this there is a tendency to search for a partner and when there is a partner, I often lived in a fear of loss or, the partner was existing in this pattern. All because, so I found out, the starting-point was not clearly cross-referenced within both: no discussions about what both want and/or are able to within a partnership and how to create this and how to give and how to support and what means love etc. So the starting-point was basicely still based on preferences and convenience, without really being self-honest to myself and to another about who I am and what I stand for.

This coming forward out of a ‘fear of loss’, as well when the relationship started but also on forehand, like not believing that any man that I like and who likes me and within the practical possibilities, would be willing to live with me and at the same time taking responsibility for oneself. So it is like a compromising on forehand, like, okay better live with someone halfway than living alone all my life (where this ‘all my life’ is what is showing this disbelief and fear ‘that I will never find a partner who is willing to stand with me when and as I am standing within a starting-point of self-honesty’).

But, here under, is hiding my own convenience. Of not willing, mixed with a ‘not knowing how’ to support another and push the principles where in another is given the opportunity to live accordingly to principles that are best for both (and from here, best for all) and expand as well. Not knowing how because I have never done this before or never had an example and so, it is all new to learn and develop. But what I actually mostly see is a convenience within myself about not willing to change and do the hard and dirty work, of step by step walking through all the shit that is coming up and directing myself and the situation in this. And here in I see, I am existing in judgement.

From not standing within and as my self-honesty of what I am accepting and allowing within myself and from here, tolerating within a relationship, I am existing in judgement, which leads to a fear of loss. Because I placed this partnership in the place of my self-honesty and from here, the separation from and within myself is existing and so I make myself dependent on the partner and on the partnership and on the physical intimicy. Within this I am existing in judgement all the time, I am hiding, I keep distance and push the other away (in fear as judgement) as a reflection of how I am in disagreement with and as myself and fear/judge myself for this, as long as I am not self-honestly facing this.

For 6-7 years I am looking at the theory of what it means to stand alone and live in/as self, as in not ‘missing another’ (as a reflection of missing myself)  where in I now see that the word ‘self-honesty’ is giving so much more clarity in this, as this is what I can define for myself. This is an active process that I have walked and am still walking and this is what I recently found within myself (hidden deep within myself) where in I kept my ‘preference’ at first place and secondly I tried to align my self-honesty with this, where I had to turn this around and place my self-honesty first and foremost and from here, look at how to align my preferences to this, if and when possible in a practical and considering way. Thus this means that I have to make peace with the possibility (or call it ‘risk’) that I have to let go of some of my preferences if I find that I am not able to live with it, practical, physical and according to my integrity.

This is an example of how we trade places in and as the mind and how we place our preferences above our self-honesty and from here, we make ourselves dependent on these preferences that we need to fulfill with something or someone outside ourselves. It can be anything: money, sex, love, food, drugs, alcohol, gaming, traveling, shopping, sleeping, watching tv and all variations within this.

We know in theory that we do this, we all know it somehow, however really seeing it within ourselves and understanding how we have exactly created this, is a whole other story, even from the point where we make the decision to change this within ourselves. For this, we need to walk what we call ‘a process’ through time.

It is possible that we have integrated this self-dishonesty in our physical body; in this case walking out of it, means to walk a physical process, through physical manifested consequences within our own body, as for example in my case, the consequence of a spastic colon.

To be continued


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 724 – 12. Learning what consequence is

 

This blog is related to record 12: Learning what consequence is

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already had in mind somehow to do it all alone without firstly align and ground myself within a relationship where in we could both stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of already had in mind somewhere to do it all alone, this ‘plan of action’ was activated by some words of the male and so me using this words as some kind of ‘proof’ that this is what I have to do and can do, that this is somehow ‘okay’ to do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that this is actually me within my mind, manipulating words (of doubt) from another, towards using this for my self-interest within this ‘plan of action’ that I had hidden as a secret within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in a way, on the other by using his words as a reason and justification, as some sort of ‘sign’ that I now can start my ‘secret plan of action’ without considering the whole situation that I and the male are involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within myself within conflict because of taking action from a point of self-interest in a situation that was not grounded at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to an outcome as doing it all alone bacause not having a program ready of how to effectively build a relationship as how is best for both/best for all and from here, somehow thinking and believing that I will never able to do so and at the same time, knowing that it should be possible and that it is within my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now only see and learn what consequenses are for myself within relationships and how they end, however it took me many more years to really consider all and every aspect including the effect of my decisions on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here on think and believe that ‘I am responsible for myself and another is responsible for him/herself’ and so within this, not considering to take responsibility as well for others involved as much as it is within my awareness and when and as another is not yet be able to do so because of having les awareness in that moment, it is up to me to step in and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘it was his responsibility to step in with me’ which it is in the end, however missing out here on the consequense of my words and actions for another as well and not only for me.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of stepping forward and express what I see as consequence and responsibility within another’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it is also my responsibility to speak up, to step forward and support another to learn what consequence is, this within my ability and awareness in that certain moment.

I commit myself to bring my fear back to myself, to see and forgive what the fear as judgement is and from here, see how I can best step forward and speak or show some awareness in a way that another is able to understand.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought-pattern, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I create consequenses for myself within my physical body that are not needed or doing any good.

I commit myself to step by step, walk and forgive the layering of fear within me, to write it out, to name, understand and forgive myself until I am able to stand more clear and stable within myself with regards to relationships and patterns of fear of loss and standing alone.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to move forward within a certain point within a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have an effective program ready and so, I need to create a real and lasting solution from here on from within myself, which feel like ‘impossible’ because I have never done it before.

I commit myself to move myself into the unknown field, to step by step create a solution by using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, cross-referencing with others/support from others and considering the aspects that I can see within myself and so slowly, build the ground and stability within myself, within my life and within the relationship with another and with others in general.

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Previous blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

Next blog: 13. Trying to make it up

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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 723 – 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

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https://soundcloud.com/ingridwalking/11-not-wanting-to-repeat-a-pattern

(for some reason this soundcloud doesnot show up here)

This blog is related to record 11: Not wanting to repeat a pattern

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to take responsibility for myself and my emotional experiences within the relationship with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for how our relationship took place and within this, giving my self-directiveness away because within blaming, I empower another within my thoughts and so, I disempower myself to find a solution for myself to give direction to and as myself as within my belief, my mother is responsible for how I experience myself within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not agree with her approach and as mentioned, to not yet have taken responsibility for myself in this and from here, not be willing to ask for her support when and as I would give birth to a child where I knew that I would need her support anyhow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to not let the child come because I do not want to repeat the pattern and create the same relationship with my child as how I experienced the relationship with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as a reason for the decision to not keep the child that I was pregnant of however, when I listen now to this recording I see a dimension of spite in it, that I did not want to give birth to a child out of spite towards my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give birth to a child out of spite towards my mother, because of how our relationship did take place and me blaming her for this and giving my responsibility and my self-direction away and so not wanting to ‘give her anything’, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I mostly spite and hurt myself in this because of not allowing myself to give birth to a child as something that I wanted deeply within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a (surpressed and subtile) spitefull being towards specific people, this because of not taking responsibility for myself within every relationship that I am part of and so, not giving what I would like to receive to others and so, neither giving myself what I would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as life and so the new life within by killing it before it even has a chance to emerge and grow.

I do realize that in the state that I was in during that time, the decision to have an abortion was an act of responsibility within my ability, to prevent myself from repeating a patterns and transferring a pattern towards the child without being able to direct myself and to support the child, however there are ‘dark mind‘ dimensions involved of spite, blame and fear that are for me to take responsibility for as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by the child because of having too much consciousness as focus on the child as how I have experienced my mother’s consciousness towards/on me while growing up and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to loose the child/the love of the child and so already in the first stages of development, before it has even emerged as a living being, reject the child as well as a part of myself as this what I would have wanted for myself deep within as giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty within my uterus, without giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete without giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my experiences of emptyness and incompleteness within and as myself, within the separation that I have channeled myself within in thoughts, feelings and emotions, on a new born child/on not giving birth to a new born child, exactly as what I feared to do and as the pattern that I did not want to repeat when giving birth to a child.

When and as I see myself going into blame which I notice by tensing up within myself and becoming more ‘harsh’ and ‘strict’ within my words and tonality, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I blame another for something that I fear within myself underneath and that by blaming another, I already do that what I fear within giving away my self-directiveness through making another responsible for what I fear and how I would experience myself within.

I commit myself to look beyond the blame and see what I fear within myself. I commit myself to embrace this what I fear and investigate this further so that I can open it up in a more step by step and practical way, less harsh and strict or absolute but considering all dimensions and from here, find a new way to express myself in a more gentle though still firm and clear way.

When and as I see myself going into a spitefull way of thinking, behaving or communicating as for example attacking another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I fear that I am not able to give direction to myself within what I assume that another is going to say or do and so, I attack the other before it could even said or done so that I keep control over the situation, well in the perspective of where I look from in/as my mind.

I realize that within doing so, I disable myself to give direction to myself within a certain situation and so, I keep the fear alive and at the same time, I disable myself to express myself as well, creating the same situations over and over again because the fear is still here to be recognized and so, creating situations where in on forehand, I ‘silence‘ myself, from where I go speaking in a harsh and strict and absolute way so that at least I have expressed something, again out of fear of not being able/not receiving the time to express myself more gentle, considering though clear and firm. I realize that I do not give myself the time to express and give myself direction, out of this fear on forehand and creating situations within this.

I commit myself to stop immediately and so change in the moment, to breathe and give some time, firstly to listen to what another is saying or doing and from here, seeing what I would like to express or, if nothing clear is coming up yet, to remain silence but now from my own decision.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of not being able to direct myself in a certain situation or conversation which comes up as a small shock as reaction on something that I hear or see but not had expected, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it may be so that I need more time to investigate a point and so, within that certain moment, I may better do or say nothing at all or only some affirmation that I have heared or seen what is being expressed.

I commit myself to first go back to myself and embrace myself in what gives this little shock and calm myself down and find my stand and expression within and so within the moment, I better stay silence as a decision within and as myself to prevent myself from creating consequenses inside and outside that I would then later blame or spite myself for.

When and as I experience a fear of loss, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have have channeled a part of myself within a relationship in/as my mind as dependency on something outside myself that I have not yet clear sight on. I realize that I react on this experience of fear of loss because I fear to loose in that moment as how I have lived this experience many times before so I fear ‘to loose again’ (something or someone) which is visible in a ‘trying to not loose’ within a conversation or situation which then result in a form of attack of suptile spite or subtile blame. I realize that I do not have a solution for such moments as I have never lived this before beyond the fear of loss.

I commit myself to hold myself (on the) in-breath and breathe out and let the situation or conversation unfold and I commit myself to practise this in situations that are not so ‘personal’ as for example at work, to see what happen and to find my stand, my expression and words in this.

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Previous blog: 10. The fruit isn’t really gone

Next blog: 12. Learning what consequence is


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 682 – The mind-body relationship – Some fears during the flu

flu-97679_640

I am having pretty bad flu symptoms at the moment that I write this. It’s been a while ago that I have had this. It started with some slight symptoms and I could move on with my activities. Then at work, I felt the pain going towards my jaw, at the place where within two months, a crown will be placed. It hurted and here, I started to react with fear. That the pain would become worse and that the crown needed to be placed earlier, things like that. Since then the symptoms of the flu got worse (not especially with this tooth – it is like it was ‘passing by’ this area and because it is a ‘weak’ place, it hurted there more ) and I really need to stay at home and take some time to recover. I will write out some self-forgiveness on thoughts/experiences coming up during these days, related to the symptoms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear come in within myself within thoughts about the place in my jaw where a crown is going to be placed, where before this, I had no thoughts of fear about having some slight ‘flu’-symptoms as a bit of a rough throat for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with myself during the days at home about wanting to use the time effectively but actually not being able to do anything constructive besides making some food and taking care for myself and the cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my house will become dirty with lots of hair from the cats and me not being able to clean up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will become ‘too much’ to clean up, where actually the cleaning up will be the same as before, only with some more hair now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to feel myself like this from now on, not being able to do anything constructively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the virus/bacteria to take over within me, which is actually the same as fearing my mind/the thoughts to take over within and as me, consisting as/related to memories within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not being able anymore to take care for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not being able to direct all things in my life as combining work, projects, house-tasks and self-care/animal-care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience towards the flu-symptoms,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like wasting time when I am not able to do anything constructively because of feeling physically not well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on towards thoughts and emotions and within this, hurting my body/letting this ‘eat’ on my physical body within the tissue and let it become irritated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards the flu-symptoms very slightly within myself so that I do not directly notice this, and within this irritate myself/my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I would not be sensitive to a flu because I haven’t had this for a long time and so, did not build up fear towards this, where I do see now that there is a fear existing within me when and as it is happening and it also can be existing within me through family-memories where having a cold or getting a flu is accepted as that one should not kiss each other on the cheek for example when one is having a cold, because of ‘a risk’ of transmitting the cold/flu towards each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would not get the cold or flu and not wanting to participate in and as the thoughts/believes of transmitting a virus just by kissing another on the cheek.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if the fear about my jaw has opened up towards the flu getting worse or that it would have got worse anyway.

I remember here having a chat with Sunette about me coughing after having some food, where she mainly advised me to slow down and not judge the coughing (I will write about this in a separate blog) and I noticed that this was the main point that caused the coughing/how I kept it continuing. I saw a related point with the flu-symptoms, that I was reacting to it, having difficulties with slowing down myself. So I see now that this is a point to consider in general: slowing down within myself and not judging what is physically happening but rather look at it and support myself within.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself reacting to physical symptoms and judging myself for this, to breathe and slow down within myself, meaning, looking at what is really existing within me in such a moment and where my thoughts are going to from here, forgive myself for the pattern within and related emotions coming up.

I commit myself to, when and as I see physical symptoms becoming worse in a moment, to stop and breathe and slow down, to lay down when and as necessary, to embrace myself and see what I am participating in within my mind and what the fear is and from here, forgive myself for what I think and believe and participate in.

I commit myself to investigate and write about the patterns that are coming up more prominent when and as I ‘become ill’ as here my mind shows me what I have not yet sorted out within myself with regards to my physical and physical activities that I am not being able to do in that moment.

I commit myself to, when and as I fear that the virus will take over, to stop and breathe and see what thoughts I participate in as a ‘virus that I allow to take over’ and instead, direct myself within, forgive myself for the fear and bring myself here in physical reality.

I commit myself to be carefull with viruses and bacteria, to support my immune-system where I can and to seek for medical support when and as needed and when not, to trust myself and take care of myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in thoughts about cleaning the house and fear of not being able to do so, to stop, breathe and look with common sense to the hair in the house that I will be able to clean up within an hour, as soon as I feel physically better.

I commit myself to look at a virus with common sense, meaning to not fear it but to also not go into an experience of superiority as in ‘I will not get the flu’ as this is actually also based on fear, as a fear of ‘being caught’ in a mind-pattern that is lived within the family/society and so, existing as a memory within myself.

I commit myself to work constructively with memories as fear as thoughts that I see existing within me in relation to physical symptoms and assumptions about a virus and other dis-eases by looking at the thoughts and related emotions and/or feelings and forgive myself for the energetic attachements within, to create space for/within myself to look at memories and information with common sense.

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Multi-dimensional information about the evolution of viruses:

The Evolution of Viruses – Reptilians – Part 243

The Evolution of Viruses (Part 2) – Reptilians – Part 244

Fighting off Viruses – Reptilians – Part 245

The Virus and the Body – Reptilians – Part 246

Mind + Virus Versus Body – Reptilians – Part 247

*

The Evolution of the Common Cold – 2013 – Future of Consciousness – Part 44

Memories in Your Body – Quantum Systemization – Part 63

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

 

 

 

Dag 611 – Cat Punching – How can we see it as a wake up call?

cat without ear

#CatPunching is not an easy subject to discuss. With cat punching the abuse is so direct and clear, from a human against an animal that has no chance to get away from the physical, horrible pain of being punched on the head while being holded. Most of us humans are strongly reacting to this injustice. It has to stop.

Ofcourse it has to stop. Together with so much other abuse that takes places in this world. Abuse that we do not react to anymore. Which is quite strange actually. The hunger in many countries, the horrible conditions that animals are existing in for the meat-industry from which we buy daily in the supermarket, the wars, the killing in wars, child abuse, the destroyment of the earth; but also the small abusive moments that we accept and allow within our near relationships as manipulation, lying, gossiping, ignoring each other in the small needs and questions and so much more. It is uncountable, the abuse that we participate in on a daily base. And what most of us do not realize – because we have never been educated in this – is that within this emotional reacting inside ourselves,  activated by the pictures of the catpunching that we judge – here what happens is that we generate energy within our own mind and this generating energy is…….. a form of abuse in itself, towards our own physical body.

Everything is so integrated, suppressed and/or ignored in and as abuse towards this physical life that we do not even see what we are accepting and allowing within ourselves, within our own physical bodies and how this is interconnected to what happens outside here on earth. So we can say that we have a huge problem here in this world that needs to be changed, if we do want to stop this abuse FOR GOOD and all as for example the cat punching.

So in this light, we can see the catpunching as a wake up call. It is so direct and horrible that it is clear defined as abuse. But how does it come that the abuse in general exist on such a large scale in this world without us doing something about it? And if we do notice the abuse, then how is it possible that we are seeing ourselves as unable to stop the abuse in this world where from experiencing this emotion of disempowerment and injustice, we start reacting to it?

We need so many new or actually re-definitions of what we accept and allow and what not in this world. Because at the moment there is so much abuse existing – where we can describe abuse as ‘inequality’, meaning the reality of ‘having more than another who has bearly nothing’ and the believe that from having more, we ‘are of more value’ while such a large part of the population in this world, did not have a chance to make a difference with their lives because they are every day forced to fight for their lifes and for something to eat. With regards to the animals, they are not able to speak for themselves in a language that we as humen clearly understand and so again, because we do not hear them, we do not take care of them and because they do not have money, they cannot ‘buy’ their rights so to speak.

Did you ever had such a horrible picture coming up in your head when carrying a very vulnerable, small animal that is totally dependent on you and that can easily be breaked down and from here, there is this one second with a thought coming up – and from here quickly suppressed – that if you punch it there is nothing that the animal can do?

Isn’t it strange that this seconds/moments of thoughts and pictures are coming up within ourselves, even if in daily life we are a very carefull an gentle person? Where does this thought/picture come from? Why do we for example fear to be hitten, raped, robbed by another? Why are this pictures coming up? Because it happens in this world and we are grown up with stories, movies or even experiences where it did happen. However, we never go back to the source and ask ourselves WHY IT DOES HAPPEN AT ALL and why it is coming up in our head when we have never taken part in such situation.

We really have to go back to the source if we want to stop the abuse as inequality in this world. Of course the cat punching needs to stop. It is so obvious, one cannot ignore or deny this and there is no reason thinkable of why it should be allowed.

To stop the abuse on a large scale, we have to be willing to go back to the source and to see straight and direct into this source, because only if we see what the source is, we will be able to eventually change.

The source of abuse does exist from two major pilars that need to be investigated, forgiven and changed:

We as the human race

The moneysystem that we/the human race created and/or allowed to be created

And from here seeing the connection between these two pilars.

It’s cool to start to do something about an activity as cat punching and being motivated to stop this abusive behaviour. From here it is time to see further than our physical eyes will see at first and to take responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed in this world as abuse on a larger scale, within and without and from here – instead of abusing this physical existance ‘because we can’ – start taking responsibility as real care for this physical existence, including ourselves and our own physical body.

Why?

Because we can. Because it is the only solution. The human race is the only one wo can decide to make a real change in this world. If we are not willing to do so, we will destroy life and with doing so, we are destroying ourselves. So the cat punching is actually a horrible projection of how we as human beings, choose and/or have choosen to (accept and allow) abuse, within and without while we are often not aware of what we are doing and/or allowing as abuse and what is actually happening.

It’s up to each one of us to decide where we will stand.

We can keep on judging the abuse and/or blaming the ones who do so in a partcular situation, however judging or blaming is not making any difference, it is even enlarging the abusive behaviour because it is generating energy, as reaction within ourselves and as reaction within the abusers. Positive and negative energy are coming from the same source, it is nothing more but a polarity and for generating a positive or negative energy as experience in/as the mind within ourselves, we are ‘abusing’ our own physical bodies because we are using this physical substance to generate energy from which gives the positive or negative experience.  It is based on the same mechanism from where we are (ab)using the earth as the physical substance to ‘create’ money from.

One can say that this is an unbelievable scenario. But what if this is in fact the case and we have missed it all the time, only because we were holding onto our ‘believes’ and so not willing to really see and investigate the source?

What we tend to forget here, is that at one day, the physical substance is burned and consumed and there is nothing left. Unless we stop this abusive behaviour, within and without. This abusive behaviour within and without is what is really hurting ourselves and/as live in general from where we start reacting and judging in/as the mind. Because we do not really want to see and feel this pain that the abuse is bringing forward on a large scale and investigate how we all contribute(d) to this.

So first thing to do, is to stop judging, blaming and reacting and to start investigating the source from the abuse on earth, within and without and the possibilities to bring Equality for All Life Here.

I invite you to investigate:

Desteni I Process (individual process within – practical application inclusive a free Lite course)

Living Income Quaranteed (world process without – a proposal to investigate and contribute to)

History of Mankind (youtube – detailed background information beyond ‘belief’)

Eqafe (self-education in interviews, books and music)

Related articles:

410: Cat Punching Page Removed from Facebook… It Can’t Stop There:

(…) “What I find most interesting about this is, yes, of course, animal abuse is absolutely atrocious, and yes of course, it should in no way be glorified or accepted for that matter, and so such a page should be removed. But to me what is most interesting is that 20,000 people can rally together, and act as a group, using the collect will and force to inflict awareness and demand a change in relation toward a particular point, yet when it comes to things that happen daily, which includes animal abuse, in the Real World, our group efforts cease to exist.”(…)

Day 634 Cat Punching and a Cup-is-a-Cup:

(…) “Obviously, punishing the form is not the solution. Punching a cat is not the solution. It is no different than punching a cup. Punching the physical does nothing to change what has been informed. If we want to blame the system and punch parts of this physical world, nothing is being done to change  the limitations that created the frustration. The only way to correct is to reform what one is as information.”(…)

knuffelende katten
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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/