Dag 247 – Expressie en de Darm – Shame and Change

Where did I experience Real Shame? After giving a comment, a few months ago, which was totally out of line. I did not see that this was out of line at the moment I gave the comment – if I would have seen it, I would not have given it. I actually was pretty much ‘convinced’ that it was the right thing to say. I had to be corrected in this by others, and in the evening of the day that the comment and correction took place, I suddenly saw it: shit, what have I done; who the fuck did I think I was. Real Shame which last 3 days. In the moment of Shame I changed per direct/directly/immediately and I took a stand to not do this again. And I did not. It is simple not anymore who I am.

This moment changed my entire attitude towards all people who are so called not active in proces in co-working with Desteni, on which I reacted before this event regular and with whom I had regular small conflicts in this and /or within myself; I was angry all the time. Also this conflicts did not come back after this change. I have become much more quiet, more silent inside within this one point and more humble towards the process we walk and towards people who are walking in a different stage in process.

Than was this answer that I gave so totally wrong? It was not really totally wrong, as it was totally given as knowledge and information. What happened in this is that I gave my knowledge what I saw within a writing, without taking in consideration where the person came from and within this without taking the person self in consideration. It was also an answer of which I was not able to walk this in detail with the person, if this would have been the question from the person. So in a short way said, I didnot take care of the person as a human, but I stated as knowledge and information what I saw in the writing and planted this on the plate of the person without taking care of the continuation of the steps within the process of the person. With the effect that others had to take care of this continuation.

As soon as I give an answer, I make myself respondible for what I have said and so also for answering the eventual questions (when neccesary with support from others which I need to direct) that are coming up within this within the other. Within this, I need to Consider on Forehand if I am able to do this. Am I not able to take responsibility for my words and for answering the questions – alone or with support – than it is an answer out of knowledge and information and in this case, I am bringing more damage als energetic reactions within the person than that I support within stopping and/or seeing into the energetic reactions in/as self.

Most striking in this was that I really did not see what I was doing, until that moment. So I did not see myself in and as knowledge and information. Next striking point within this is, that as soon as I saw it, I experienced the Shame, and within this I changed directly. This is how fast a real change can take place. Where there are points that I am for years, no decade years, am struggling with, and where in I do not change. I struggle, I make excuses, I justify, I try again, maybe on a different way, I postpone etc. And Shame? Not Really. If I feel Really in this, I feel nothing, as Maya is describing in one of her blogs. Not a nothing of silence, but a nothing of ‘flatten’  and indifference. Which is an experience that I carry with me for a long time. Within this the Real Shame took not place and so I am not Changing for Real. Let’s move on in this. With the peeling off the layers of Indifference  and with widen this point of Change to more areas and relationships within myself and within my life.

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Related blogs and vlog about Shame:

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/03/sudden-and-unexpected-physical-shame.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Are You Ashamed of Humanity?

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Dit is een vervolg in een serie blogs “Expressie en de Darm” beginnend bij Dag 232 – Expressie en de Darm – Ervaring van Onmacht

Waar heb ik Werkelijke Schaamte ervaren? Na het geven van een comment, een paar maanden geleden, welke totally out of line was. Ik had niet door dat dit zo was op het moment dat ik een comment gaf – als dat wel zo was geweest had ik het niet gegeven. Ik was er zelfs behoorlijk van ‘overtuigd’ dat het het juiste was om te zeggen. Ik moest hierin gecorrigeerd worden door anderen, en die avond van de dag van correctie drong het opeens tot me door: shit, wat heb ik gedaan; wie dacht ik wel niet dat ik was. Volledige schaamte die 3 dagen duurde. In dit moment van schaamte veranderde ik per direct tot een standpunt om dit niet nog eens zo te doen, in geen enkel moment. En dat heb ik ook niet meer gedaan. Het is simpel niet meer wie ik ben.

Dit moment heeft mijn hele houding ten opzichte van alle mensen veranderd die zogezegd niet actief het proces wandelen in samenwerking met Desteni, waar ik eerder op reageerde en waarin regelmatig conflict ontstond, in mezelf en/of met de ander; ik was de hele tijd boos. Ook deze conflicten zijn niet meer terug gekomen, en ik ben sindsdien veel rustiger geworden, stiller van binnen ten aanzien van dit ene punt en nederiger ten opzichte van het proces dat we wandelen en ten opzichte van een persoon in een ander stadium in dit proces.

Was het dan zo’n verkeerd antwoord wat ik gaf? Het was niet zozeer totaal verkeerd, als wel totaal in kennis en informatie gegeven. Wat hierin gebeurde is dat ik hierin mijn kennis gaf over wat ik in een schrijven zag, zonder in overweging te nemen waar de persoon vandaan kwam. Ook gaf ik een antwoord waarin ik niet in detail met de persoon zou kunnen wandelen als dat de vraag zou zijn geweest. Kort gezegd nam ik geen zorg voor de persoon zelf, maar deelde mede wat ik als kennis en informatie zag in het schrijven van een persoon en plantte dit even bij de persoon neer zonder zorg te dragen voor de verdere weg van de persoon hierin. Met tot gevolg dat anderen dit op moesten vangen.

Zodra ik een antwoord geef maak ik mezelf verantwoordelijk voor hetgeen ik gezegd heb en dus ook voor het antwoorden van eventuele vragen die hierin omhoog komen bij de ander. Hierin dien ik dus Van Tevoren in Overweging te nemen, of ik dit kan (indien nodig met ondersteuning van iemand anders waarin ik dit richting geef). Ben ik hier niet toe in staat – alleen of met support – dan is het een antwoord uit kennis en informatie, en breng ik meer schade toe als energetische reacties in de persoon dan dat ik iemand ondersteun in het stoppen en/of inzien van de energetische reacties.

Het meest opvallende vond ik dat ik werkelijk niet had gezien, tot dan toe, wat ik hierin deed. Ik zag mezelf dus niet in en als kennis en informatie. Het volgende opvallende is, dat zodra ik het zag, ik de Schaamte ervoer, en hierin per direct veranderde. Zo snel kan een werkelijke verandering dus plaatsvinden. Terwijl er punten zijn waar ik al jaren, of nee tientallen jaren mee loop te stoeien en waarin ik niet verander. Ik stoei en ik maak excuses en ik rechtvaardig en ik probeer het nog eens op een andere manier en ik stel uit, etc. En Schaamte? Niet Werkelijk. Als ik Werkelijk voel hierin, voel ik niets, zoals Maya ook in haar blog beschrijft. Geen niets van stilte, maar een niets van afvlakking en onverschilligheid. Een ervaring die ik al heel lang op de achtergrond bij me draag. Hierin is de Werkelijke Schaamte dus nog niet doorgedrongen en dus Verander ik niet Werkelijk. Let’s move on in this. Met het afpellen van lagen van Onverschilligheid en met het verbreiden van dit punt van Verandering tot meerdere gebieden en relaties in mezelf en in mijn leven.

Desteni Artists

Eqafe Store

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/

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Dag 204 – Walking as a Buddy – and the fear coming up within this

Assisting as a buddy in the dip-lite course. Where I walked against an ego-point within myself that I didnot see as ego. Where I failed in giving an advise by speaking out of knowledge and information, without being able myself to walk this with the person in specifity but not realizing this, believing that I did the right thing, that I wrote down the right comment. Within this I let others pick up the person after me giving the comment. Well it is not a bad thing that others assist me within this, but I could have prevented this by cross-referencing about the person that I was buddying as I saw from the beginning that I was not the right person to buddy this person, but believing that I must be able to do so. And so within this passing my own capabilities, which is dangerous and coming forward out of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on the writing of the person I was buddying, and within this reacting building up an ego-point which ended in giving a comment that was not immediately wrong but what was too much information given, not totally specified but concluded in a short way coming forward out of an overview that I have within knowledge and information within/as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself unable to get all the information in detail that is given within the interviews and blogwritings, that it is so much that I do not see myself as capable to read and grasp it all, and within this to doubt myself as being able to walk within specifity but only able to walk an overview in/as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself within the comment I gave to a person walking the dip-lite course, not seeing what I was doing at the moment I wrote the comment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in every moment that I have to slow down and realyy see into the situation what I can say and/or write and what not, that I cannot see just put down some information on someone if I am not 100% sure that the person is able to understand and work with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw the person, and so also myself, into depth without being sure if the person do have enough support to stand up in it and without being a 100% sure that I myself can walk with the person in detail as a support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to walk with a person in detail and to walk with myself in detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cross-referencing for fearing giving the wrong answer, and so take the risk that it is the wrong answer by just writing it down, which can have a huge influence on the person which I write the comment by,

so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in fear as more important than the life of another person which I am responsible for at the moment that I write down the comment, which is walking as a buddy in self-interest instead of walking as a buddy as a support what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not totally realize that I am 100 % responsible for every comment I write down, for every word I write and speak, but instead of this just write down what I assume is the best thing, forcing situations instead of leading it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force situations instead of leading it, where the forcing is coming forward out of the mind as consiousness, which is putting responsibility to others who have to correct what I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my responsibility to another person by walking, speaking and writing in/as consiousness instead of taking full responsibility for/as myself as consiousness and only speak what I live in totality, which is actually the point that the person in dip-lite asked for as I see now within this writing, which triggered this point within me as ego-point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I did the right thing by forcing the situation so that the person will move as I saw that there had to be a change somewhere, instead of cross-referencing the situation of the person with people who are available for this, to co-operatie within this and lead the situation into a situation that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk as an individual, to play alone, believing that I have to be able to do this, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can walk this process collectively and ask others, who have more stable experience in this, to support with aligning the process of the person who is walking dip-lite course and within this align my own process as walking a buddy within the dip-lite course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be thrown out as a buddy as not capable to buddy and assist other humans within their process in the dip-lite course and eventually in the dip-pro course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am already ready to be a buddy as I am trained to be a buddy within the support of others with natural medicine, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the overview in the natural medicine and in the mind-processes, but not yet walked the details by myself and always find myself uncapable and having too little understanding and information of walking the detail and specifity of the body and mind-processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know to how ever become capable to walk in detail the body and mind processes, as it is so much information to grasp that I believe that I will never grasp it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to grasp it all before I can walk as a buddy as/for myself and others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can walk as a buddy as far as I walked myself  and lived myself what I am speaking, as this is what I am able to walk with them as a living example, and that I can walk the detail what I walked myself in detail and for the rest leave the detail to others until I grasp it myself, and ask their support within this if I see I am not able to do it myself.

I commit myself to slow down within walking the process within myself, so that I can see more detail within my own mind/consiousness, which will support me to assist myself in stop participating within the mind-processes.

I commit myself to slow down in every comment I write to a person, and within this to be absolutely sure in what I write as the best thing, and if I am not, I ask for assistence to people who are placed in the possition to assist within this process.

I commit myself to cross-reference my comments if I am not 100% sure of what I am writing as I see that I not totally lived my own words.

I commit myself to only write what I see as that I am 100 % capable of to walk this as myself with the other person as a support. If I see that I cannot walk this process what I write and the eventually outcome of what I write, with the other person as a support, that I will not write this as this is than only writing out of knowledge and information. I realize that only if I am capable of walking my own words as a living example and to stand with the other person within the eventual outcome of my own words in totality, I am ready to write and speak these words as than I am speaking and writing as myself as what is best for all. If I have any doubt in this, I stop, I breathe, I cross-reference and/or give another comment that I can stand within as myself.

I commit myself to see in every comment I write if it is aligned with the material that is already given within the course to the person, and if I see that the person needs more supprt than is given within the course, I ask for assistence to the person who are placed in the position to assist with this.

I realize that I first walk my own process as walking my own mind, and if this is taking time, than it is so. As I see that I can only walk effectively as an example as a buddy for others as I walked the process myself first. This I combine with practising being a buddy within the dip-lite course with the assistence of Maya, Marlen, Lindsey and Robert if/when necessary which will support myself within my own process.

I commit myself to stop myself in walking as an individual within/as consciousness and to open up for walking collectively to support each other to stand up in/as life.

I commit myself to stop myself in/as fear to walk collectively as within fear I am only manipulating myself in/as consiousness to protect myself as a mindsystem in self-interest, which will not only have an affect on myself but also on other peoples life as the starting-point within this is self-interest, although it is coming forward out of fear. I realize I as fear as consiousness will keep myself in position as fear as consiousness as protection – which is not even a real protection – but a protection as an illusion in/as self-interest.

Whenever I see the fear coming up, I stop, I breathe. I am gentle with myself and see what I fear, so I can support myself with walking out of this fear as an illusion, as I realize this fear will not bring me safety at all but is coming up as an indication that I seperated myself within a point of self-interest as an illusion of protection, which is giving the fear of loosing this illusion of self-interest as protection.

I commit myself to slow down myself and stay with myself within this fear as seperation and not leave myself alone within this fear without considering what is going on, as I leave myself behind, I am seperating myself even more and create more fear within this. So I stay with myself, I breathe, I see what I fear, I see my desire and what I fear within this as the opposite (thanks Larry), and walk myself out of this fear, breathe by breathe untill it’s done, no matter how long it takes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave myself behind in fear in seperation of myself within myself, where I created the opposite of self-trust which is self-fear, and within this fearing myself as consiousness as the mind in seperation of myself as life and making myself inferior as myself as consiousness.

I commit myself to take myself serious as a mindsystem as consiousness, as I see, realize and understand that I created myself within this, and I have to take responsibility for what I created myself, otherwise the creation will suppress the creator in/as fear, which is not necessary as I am the creator in the first place. Within this I see that creator and creation are equal, and within this able to co-operate to stop the seperation between creator and creation as what is best for All as creater AND creation, as I see they are equal and become one if there is no longer a seperation between them as fear.

So within the fear, there is the key to stop the fear as seperation, to walk together, creator and creation, in supporting each other equally to become one as self as life.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com / http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life