Dag 751 – It is too much to write it all out – is it?

Here I would like to share how I have walked through the experience of that it is ‘too much’ to let’s say, get more insight on how I participate in my thoughts, feelings and emotions and ‘how much work’ it is to deconstruct the limiting expressions within myself and then reconstruct it in a way that is considering and caring, as how I am in potential able to as a living being.

I do like the writing, as well of the lessons as of the blogs and at the same time, I do experience signs of resistance. So even if I ‘like it’ there is a resistance coming up that can show for example in becoming very tired suddenly, the moment that I am sitting in front of my computer with my lesson opened. Or ‘not knowing what to write about’ for a blog is also a common one; or what I do see coming up within me, are thoughts as ‘it is too simple, everybody knows this already, no one is interested in this’, things like that. I see that it is a part of a self-sabotage but I find this the most difficult one’s to walk through.

However, the writing, I also experience as ‘a lot’ and with every new lesson, I still see myself looking at ‘how long a lesson’ is or ‘how long a mind-construct will be’. (A mind-construct contains the ‘laying out in a structured way of writing’ of a certain pattern that we participate in and that is limiting for ourselves and so within the writing, we can see and learn to understand how we have build up a certain pattern and behaviour where in we take responsibility for it within the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrections).

At a certain moment I had to let this go as an ‘limiting experience’ with my first mind-construct. In the end, the mind-construct did become as long as 200-300 pages in a word-document and it took me three years to write it out and walk through in real time. During this process, I had to let go any hesitations with regards to the length of the writing and I just took it on, week by week writing a piece. I wrote a piece, needed to walk it through in real time and then could move on to the next piece. And so on. This all with the support of a buddy who is reading with me, so in a way, I am walking it by myself but I am not walking it ‘all alone’. Let’s say, there is a ‘witness’ which is an essential and very supportive part of this process.

I find it extremely supportive as within the deconstructing of the mind-patterns in such a structured way, I am able to see into layers that I do normally avoid. In general I am someone who is quite intro-spective through my days but however and of course, I will also avoid looking at certain behavioural patterns within myself. So that is also making clear why the resistance is coming up as such a strong ‘tiredness’ for example when I start writing on a timeline in a mind-construct, where this is pointing out that I am on the ‘right spot’ to open up a limiting pattern.

I did finish the mind-construct and I was so happy with it. This has learned me to not look at the amount of writing that needs to be done or may need to be done and create experiences related to it but instead, to just start writing. We do not know when and if we ‘finish’ it, as when are we finished? The more we go into the depth of ourselves, the more will open up in deeper layers to explore, for ourselves but also to learn to stand as a point of support for others. With the blog-writing it is the same, as we have this ‘7 years’ writing standing as a guide-line; this means 2555 days of writing / blogs. I am now at day 751 and am only writing one blog per week, due to others activities during the week. So, looking forward at ‘when I would be finished’, is not so supportive for myself. Because, I may or may not finish the amount of 2555 blogs in this physical life-time.

However, I did finish a 29 long blog-serie, related to 29 sound cloud records. And this I find supportive and stimulating to move on as well, as when I take it on one by one, I do finish small projects and during the way, I every time and within every blog, notice the self-support in it.

I had a teacher at the art-academy 25 years ago and when I came up with an idea, he several times said to me ‘okay, just start with it’ and here I learned to start what I have as idea to create and then along the way, it becomes visible what it will be. With the writing I see the same. Some projects get stuck and fade away, some projects I will finish but overall, I do keep on writing and walking this process from consciousness to awareness and then learning how to support myself with living words and bring myself back to life so to speak. This will happen ‘along the way’ so while doing and not only ‘at the finish’.

In many situations, I see that my mind is working with terms as ‘finish’ and within this, I am mostly projecting an experience of fear, as a ‘finishing of the energetic existance and experience’ that I have participated in for so long. It is simply all that I have known so far. But this does not mean that I as a living being, will ‘finish to exist’ when and as the energy runs out. However, this can only become visible…….. when and as the energy runs out. So it is a nice catch in itself. No proof on forehand but only a self-proof while walking and applying.

There are several courses and paths available as self-support, as well as many interviews to listen

Proces van zelfverandering:
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog

The Secret to Self-Realisation:


Proces van wereldverandering:

Uil forgive


Dag 436 – What is HIT? – training at the gym


This year the grouplesson HIT started at the gym in the place that I live in The Netherlands. HIT means High Intensity Training. When I google it, I see HIIT, with two I’s, where there is the ‘Interval’ added. Well seemingly the let the interval out here in the gym lol; well actually the training is done with some interval.

Here the group-lesson is a little mixed with how the lessons were given before, so it is given on music with some warming up on the rithm of the music, and during time they more and more let out the jumping parts as most of the group-participants (including myself) didnot like the jumping that much. So it is a combination of the low impact aerobic-lessons as how they were given in the past, combined with more high-intensity muscle training where – as the instructor tells us – it is meant that we go a little bit further where the muscles ‘normally’ feel like stopping (without forcing and injuring the muscles ofcourse) and this is applied within interval (so training, short stop, training again etc). the physical exercises are here and there expanded with some light weights and/or other attributes to intensify the training.

I really enjoy this grouplessons given on music and the building of the muscle is supportive for the body to strengthen and relax at the same time; strengthening of the physical muscles and relaxing from the tension build up in/as the mind which gives muscle tension in the body. I like the tonus of the body which is reached with some light muscle training especially because I do not have so much weight and this tonus gives a little bit more ‘body’. I physically experience it as if the muscles are more ‘into place’ into the function of the muscle and I am more present within my body. During my life I have always joined sports within groups and teams and I still like to do this together with others, while in other aereas I enjoy doing things alone. However, during vacations I do some trainings alone where I really have to push myself for this, I really prefer this doing in a group.


With the support of this relatively ‘light’ training I have been able to strengthen my shouldermuscles, which were pretty much injured around the tendons due to overburden in the past. The muscle-tissue was very much diminished within the shoulders because I was not aware of how to physically support myself within this injury of the tendons and so actually it became worse and worse. Until I went to a good fysiotherapist who had also a gym, and he coached me from the very beginning in how to built up the muscle-tissue again, how far I could go, how much pain I could have and when it was too much, as within this injury every movement hurted all the time and I had no idea anymore what I could do and what not. I started this training about 7 years ago and slowly it went better and I became able to join in group-lessons again.

I say again, because I actually also hurted myself within the aerobic-lessons in the past. I was pretty fanatic in this, joined at least 2-3 times a week and also had a physical job which I could not take a break of because of the payments. I am speaking about almost 20 years ago now in the years where I worked, studied, was going out, had a more busy social life and was also doing trainings. The problem with an injury at the tendons is that in the beginning it only becomes painful afterwards the exertion and it’s not that intens, it’s more a little nagging pain. If I would have back then supported myself physically as how I know and do now it would not have become that bad as it did, as I would have kept the muscle tissue build up and kept strength during the revalidation. But I ignored this pain for too long and I was not really aware of the ability of the coaching of a physiotherapist, so it took a long time to recover. I am still not the strongest person as I am still busy with the origin of the injury, which is ofcourse not only simply an overburden but has mind-patterns within and behind it which affect the physical body intensively when they are not directed effectively.

I stept out of the physical job, find new jobs where eventually I worked behind the computer, which I also left as I could not do the computerwork all day. Well, I work in a store now where there is only some additional computerwork and I am back again behind the laptop during hometime where I work more than I could have imagined during that days of the injury as is visible within the writings. I always keep an eye on the balance and pain-symptoms but know much better what I can do and where I need to stop and within this I am busy investigating the deep-physical tension in/as the mindstructures that influences my physical body.

Personal Sports Club

Back to the gym during these days.

Some points that I find during the lessons to apply self-forgiveness on:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to irritate myself when there is put on some music that is very very old and not aligned with the trainings as they said in the beginning that HIT-lessons are not supposed to do on music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to irritate myself that this not aligning with the music is taken on as ‘a rule’ while the instructor is able to direct this point and integrate and combine this with ones own experience of grouplessons on music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to irritate myself with my own rules in/as the mind about how exercises should be aligned with the ritm of the music and about what good music is and what not and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my irritation as not being satisfied within my preference in/as the mind on the instructor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my physical performance being influenced by irritation in/as the mind about music and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself activate and de-activate myself in/as the mind by the music that is played or not played.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “it could be so much more fun and supportive if this training is aligned with the music”.

When and as I see myself going into irritation about the music I stop and breathe. I realize that I influence myself in/as the mind by my reactions on the music and that the music in itself has no power to influence me and/or my performance where in I determine the influence by my own reations as judgements as thoughts in/as the mind. I realize I can make a suggestion but for the rest it is up to the instructor of how to direct the lesson where in I am able to direct myself within myself in stopping my reactions and staying in breath while doing the exercises.  I commit myself to, when and as some reactions some up inside myself, to stop, to apply a short self-forgiveness inside myself and to breathe through, where in I flag-point what is coming up as a thought to investigate further within myself later on at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need the music as support for training and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot use the music as a support for the training because this should mean that I am stimulating myself in/as the mind with music, where in I realize that I can use and enjoy the music as a support while staying in/as breath during the exercises and let the music go through myself without reaction on it whether I like it or not, where in I use my own breath as the support that I need to do the exercises most effectively within my physical potential at that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I had some more muscle and strength where in I realize that wishing to be different is pulling myself down in/as the mind in/as memories and comparison with others and/or with myself in the past. I commit myself to, when and as I go into wishing in/as the mind, to stop, to breath and to stay in/as/with myself as who I am at the moment and support myself in what I am physically capable of during these days and apply self-forgiveness on the separation that exist within myself in/as comparison with others and/or myself in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could train more, where in I realize that I have to be realistic due to time and money and physical condition where in I cannot do limitless and everything at the same time so I stay with the balance that I have and walk in patience with/as myself, where in I realize that I can apply some simple, physical exercises at home if I really want to do more in the time that I have and if I am not doing this it is up to me to investigate the point of lazyness and importance of physical appearance (which I do not go into for this blog).


So a short list of what I did and do to support myself to strengthen the muscles and my physical body as a whole:

Training with a physiotherapist who has experience with the specific injury and is able to give a scedule with clear instructions of possibilities and limitations.

Keep on applying light but strenghtening and supportive muscle training.

Rescedule my daily activities in alternation of activity and relaxation for the injured muscles and the physical body as a whole.

Investigating my own physical possibilities and not overburden myself/my body and within this finding and keeping a balance between working in the system to make a living and walking the process of self-realization.

Support myself and body with food and supplements to support, strengthen and bring into a physical balance the muscles, tendons and the body as a whole including organs which are involved.

Walking related mind-patterns within writing and speaking of self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements.

Patience with and acceptance of myself within letting go of past images of how I physically was and at the same time working with the physical potential that is here.


Where in I should mention that I am in the position to do this effectively due to working times and working area and support that I have within this  – I work in a health-store for 10 years now in a small company which have given me a lot of freedom and support to walk this way although the loans are not that high for every one involved but enough to sustain; where in of course I equally put myself in there during working times in/as (self)-responsibility – where during the time 20 years back when I walked into the injury I did not have this position and information to support myself effectively.

It is not that easy anymore in the Netherlands to place yourself in a stable financial position during these days and more and more people are losing jobs.

To give everyone the ability to full physical support and self-investigation, investigate the proposal of LIG that is available on internet as a practical solution for the inequality that exist in this world and is getting worse every day.

LIGLiving Income Quaranteed


Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
Equal Life Foundation:
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
Zelfeducatie free:
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf: