It has been four months since my last blog in English in my ‘van Ziel naar Leven’ blog. In between was summer time with a lot of garden work and outside living and also opening up another dimension in a new Dutch blog more profession / discipline based. So all together I could not find the time process blogs.
I have been walking the Desteni I Process for eight-nine years with almost weekly a buddy chat. Due to circumstances and availability from the buddies, I have walked with four buddies, each specific in that time with their specific way of support. Can you imagine? Eight-nine years with a weekly support chat from an hour?! It is quite unique and we walk it here within the Desteni group, open for everyone who cares about life and committed to bring in one’s best self.
However, I have come to a new phase where my focus goes more and more towards a profession based sharing, within a Dutch blog online and practising in the physical. It is based on everything that I have learned within the area of Natural Medicine and mostly it’s physical support in this, where the years of the Desteni I Process as mind-being-body integration support is coming through as well. Which brought me to the decision to put my Desteni I Process courses and weekly buddy chats on hold. I was no longer walking the lessons effectively and no longer keeping up with the sponsorship conditions, not because I am not willing to walk through a pattern but because something else is opening up that asks more of my time. And continuing doing both, I found myself ending up with basicly doing none of them effectively. I have looked at this for some time, trying out to push myself more to make sure that it was not resistance based. So it’s a point of self-honesty really to make this decission.
Which I noticed – in the week after my ‘last chat’ for the time being – is quite a step! It is time for me to stand on my own two feet. However I am still walking my Desteni I Process within and as myself and within the group as well. ‘Process’ has become a way of living, a part of me, so it is what I walk and who I am and I am not doing this alone but together with every one who dedicates themselves to this process from birthing ourselves as life from the physical.
I am a bit nervous yet excited which always makes me feel a bit dizzy, uncomfortable within my physical body. The only way is to slowly but surely walking into it, applying, living and putting in the effort of action. Until it becomes ‘natural’ and I can ‘calm down’ in it. Until a new area becomes comfortable and another area can / may open up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand alone, to fear to ‘not make it’ and to fail.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I am not allowed to do this’, to kind of ‘step out’, step up and make time and prepare myself for a new chapter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will collapse without a weekly buddy support, simply because I am not allowed to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ‘drift away’ from the group and the contacts and the support when I do not have a weekly buddy support chat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be ‘outcasted’ now that I do no longer walk the SRA course with weekly buddy chats.
When and as the fear and nervousness comes up, I stop, I breathe and hold myself for a moment. I define how I emotional feel and speak it out loudly (for and as myself) where I then look for something that I am grateful for within this moment and what opens up, I define it and speak it out loudly (for and as myself) as a self-support.
I realize that I can ask for a buddy chat at any time as how we agreed on and I realize that I am here and walking alone yet together with my ‘family’ I mean the ‘Desteni family’ within other area’s that we connect.
I commit myself to keep walking with my ‘family’ as how it is before or in how it opens up, to write a regular process blog (testing out what time-frame works – see here for my next blog following up on this one), to set up a monthly Zoom meeting within the group, to enter Destonian chats when possible and within it all, to walk an ongoing process within and as myself and into a more profession based set up as a support way for others as well within my environment and reach, within and as a self-expression of what I stand for and see as valuable within the core of who we are and can be in and as our physical body, each with having to walk with and through our individual limitations yet with and into our unique potential, despite – or better said incluiding the limitations.
Check out the paths for suitable Buddy support.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: