Dag 746 – 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?

This blog is related to record 25: Can a decision be wrong or right?

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at decisions or actually ‘choices’ in the past as if it was ‘wrong or right’ where in I then again go into a polarity where in I see that the whole situation is actually not coming from a starting-point of consideration and care of all aspects within myself and so not ‘best for all participants’ so from here, I create a situation where in I need to make a decision that, whatever I ‘choose’ to do, it will have consequences in some way, because my starting-point was not aligned within and as self-care and care for life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘wrong and right’ outcome through already being separated within and as my starting-point when and as I am coming from a point of self-interest, in which I can only exist if and when I have separated myself from myself, from life, from self-care and from care for life as a whole, meaning, when I have separated myself from considering all aspects and participants before moving myself in a certain direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand with myself in where I am at a certain moment within my process and instead, start judging my choices and actions in the past as being ‘right or wrong’ and so, keeping myself within a state of judgement for longer than necessary, instead of immediately going into self-forgiveness and so taking responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist in, in and as the mind in a certain moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and keeping myself victimized, within judging my choices and decisions in the past, instead of using the consequences to face myself from a point of self-support and so, immediate and when I am able to, going into the living of self-forgiveness as an understanding of myself and where I come from and within doing so, I take responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist and existed in – separation in thoughts, words and deeds – and within this expansion of self-responsibility, I create a platform for myself to from now on do it different and with more and more consideration for myself in all aspects and for life as a whole in all aspects.

When and as I see myself going into searching for a ‘wrong or right’ for choices I have made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I here lengthen my own process as it does not make sense to create a polarity (in judging something as ‘wrong or right’) within myself from what I already existed in as a polarity.

I commit myself to find the point within myself that I did not consider myself in all aspects and life as a whole (or all participants) and where in I have influenced my starting-point into a state of separation as well and I commit myself to be self-honest within this, to face the dark aspects of self-interest, of fear, of protection and defence-mechanism that I have created as a way to try to control my environment and from here, to unconditionally forgive myself and embrace the shame and when I have been able to, to then unconditionally let it go so that I can move on within this new and expanded expression of responsibility within and as myself.

When and as I see myself searching for ‘what to do’ within a decision-making and then looking for what is ‘wrong or right’ in this, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not totally clear within myself on where I stand or that I am not yet able to stand for what I see that is best for myself in all aspects.

I commit myself to embrace myself within the fear and control-mechanisms that I have created and to forgive myself unconditionally in what I see as a ‘weakness’ within me to from here, move through the experiences of fear and control in every day life, step by step, moment by moment and in every moment again, seeing what is best to do, to say or maybe to not do and say and I commit myself to support myself in this through receiving perspectives from others as well, as a support and cross-reference for myself in where I stand.

Previous blog: 24. Expecting another chance

Next blog: 26. A worst nightmare scenario


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

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Dag 740 – 20. Searching for the life within me

This blog is related to record 20: Searching for the life within me

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a programming of giving birth to another life as a way to try to experience the ‘gift of life’ so to speak, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the gift of life is existing within me as a potential that I can ‘breathe life in’ through bringing me back to myself from the separation in and as my own consciousness, within the application of self-forgiveness and self-correction and the living of words in a way that is best for all, in and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within trying to give birth to another life, separate myself more from myself and the potential of ‘the gift of life’ within and as myself, because of more and more following thoughts, emotions and feelings related to the polarity of having or not having the possibility to become pregnant and so, making it dependent on something that is already separated from myself in and as my mind as a programming existing.

Here to mention that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with becoming pregnant or having this as something one would like to create, as long as it is coming from a starting-point of stability, responsibility and common sense and actually would be most cool if one is able to firstly walk some years into an understanding of what it means to be self-responsible, to learn and see the influence of thoughts, emotions and feelings within/as self and how to direct oneself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the potential of birthing myself as life from the physical, to make this dependent on giving birth to another life and so, making something outside myself responsible for myself as the potential as life within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself unhappy and emotional by making myself dependent on something or someone outside myself and more and more, loose sight of myself within my potential.

When and as I see myself becoming emotional and unhappy, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I make my potential to be here, to be in breathe and express myself, that I make this dependent on something or someone outside myself.

I commit myself to investigate why and how I make my self-expression dependent on something or someone else and to see what it is that I fear (to happen or loose) and from here, forgive myself accordingly and live the correction by practising my experession from a point of self-responsibility, as in being aware of the responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and emotions, words and deeds and expressing myself within and as this awareness.

Previous blog: 19. Playing Russian Roulette

Next blog: 21. Opportunity to change direction

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Facebook:
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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 728 – 15. The insemination

This blog is related to record 15: The insemination

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start an insemination process from a starting-point of desire to be/become pregnant and from here, being willing to throw myself into the deep, without really considering my hesitations of my willingness to really walk with a child growing up in this world as how it exists today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to look beyond my desire to be/become pregnant and just look so far, trying to fulfill the desire and from here, the desire to ‘throw myself into the deep’ so to speak, meaning to force myself into a situation that I then cannot step back from and so to force myself into facing the difficulties within/as myself that I am seemingly not willing to take on if and when not absolutely necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only take on the real challenges within and as myself if and when there is no other possibility left, as how the mind functions and as how we have set up this world up to a point of destruction before we – as humanity – are willing to face ourselves and take respnsibility for ourselves and our creation and from here, change the approach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it more difficult for myself by waiting for this last point to happen, instead of actively investigating that what I sense somewhere within me as a misalignment that I need to open up and take responsibility for by firstly looking at it within self-honesty and from here, using the application of self-forgiveness to face my own darkness and stand up within and stop blaming myself back into a state of powerlessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lazy to open up the points that I sense somewhere within me that I am not aligned with and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up the points that I sense somewhere within me, as fearing to loose the experience that this suppressed belief is giving me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fearing the loss of an experience within me to fearing to loose something or someone without me and within this, start and keep on projecting my experiences on this something or someone without me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thinks and believe that I can really loose something or someone, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only let go (means forgive) the energetic created experiences within myself that I have connected to something or someone without myself and from here, knowing that I give myself the opportunity to emerge from, within and as myself, standing more in equality and oneness with and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my motivation to ‘become alive’ that I somewhere sense deep within me, towards and into a desire to inseminate me with the seed of a male to be able to become pregnant and give birth to the life of a child as another being, to from here force myself to stand within the points that I see that I am not yet standing in and as, in and as the potential that I see/sense within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at ease in this week of insemination because of being able to stand within myself in peace within trying to fulfil that what I would like for myself and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be at ease and so reactive in other moments/weeks, to my partner as well as to others, when and as I feel like not being busy with trying to fulfill that what I would like for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fulfil myself with experiences of something or someone without myself as to ‘inseminate’ myself and my physical body with something external.

When and as I feel lazy or tired to start writing and opening up some dimensions within me that I do not yet have a sight on, I stop and breathe.

I realize that within the writing, I will get more sight on myself in this dimensions that will support me in moments to come to be/become less tired or lazy, as the mind needs physical energy to suppress or keep generating energy from points/energetic experiences within me.

I realize that I can write in short time-frames, as for example 15 minutes, to release some energy within the writing of self-forgiveness and if I postpone, points will go under again within some kind of suppression and through distraction, within and as myself.

I commit myself to write in a document to open up some dimensions that I sense within me and do not yet have sight on, for 15 minutes three times a week (extra upon the activities that I am taking on already).

When and as I see that I am not satisfied and at ease with myself in the interaction with another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not expressing myself or do not have expressed myself as how I would like to, coming out of a fear of experiencing myself very uncomfortable within a certain moment with all kind of subtile experiences coming up and from here, I start becoming ‘uneasy’ for myself and for another as well, as more reactive to what another is bringing forward.

I realize that this is a build up pattern through the years and so, it will take time to walk through the layers that I have created within me that prevent me from expressing myself and bring myself to a ‘living expression’ so to speak.

I commit myself to become more sensible to and for myself within moments of interaction with another and to see what comes up within me as a reaction that I name and forgive myself for (for example within this 15 minutes writing) and to see (if I am already able to) what I actually would like to express but not doing out of fear of not being understood or not being able to bring forward what I mean and from here, see how to support myself to do express some more of/as myself, rather from a point of self-movement than only as a respond with a (subtile or hidden) dimension of ‘reaction’ to what another is bringing forward.

When and as I notice a fear of loss within me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that there are many dimensions involved in ‘fear of loss’ projected on something or someone without me, that I need to walk through within writing and the application of self-forgiveness of all kind of experiences coming up to open it up for myself.

I commit myself to within the writing, take on layer by layer and experience by experience that I see coming up within me in certain moments where in I use the moments of reaction as a moment of introspection, meaning that I bring the experience back to myself and name and forgive myself for what I find, as well as forgiving myself for/when/as I go into reaction, to enable myself to eventually prevent this happening and from here, finding my self-direction and self-expression as a more supportive and constructive way to communicate, as well for myself as for another.

insemination

Previous blog: 14. Examples of ‘trying to make it up’

Next blog: 16. Shame and compromising


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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 723 – 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

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https://soundcloud.com/ingridwalking/11-not-wanting-to-repeat-a-pattern

(for some reason this soundcloud doesnot show up here)

This blog is related to record 11: Not wanting to repeat a pattern

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to take responsibility for myself and my emotional experiences within the relationship with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for how our relationship took place and within this, giving my self-directiveness away because within blaming, I empower another within my thoughts and so, I disempower myself to find a solution for myself to give direction to and as myself as within my belief, my mother is responsible for how I experience myself within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not agree with her approach and as mentioned, to not yet have taken responsibility for myself in this and from here, not be willing to ask for her support when and as I would give birth to a child where I knew that I would need her support anyhow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to not let the child come because I do not want to repeat the pattern and create the same relationship with my child as how I experienced the relationship with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as a reason for the decision to not keep the child that I was pregnant of however, when I listen now to this recording I see a dimension of spite in it, that I did not want to give birth to a child out of spite towards my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give birth to a child out of spite towards my mother, because of how our relationship did take place and me blaming her for this and giving my responsibility and my self-direction away and so not wanting to ‘give her anything’, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I mostly spite and hurt myself in this because of not allowing myself to give birth to a child as something that I wanted deeply within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a (surpressed and subtile) spitefull being towards specific people, this because of not taking responsibility for myself within every relationship that I am part of and so, not giving what I would like to receive to others and so, neither giving myself what I would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as life and so the new life within by killing it before it even has a chance to emerge and grow.

I do realize that in the state that I was in during that time, the decision to have an abortion was an act of responsibility within my ability, to prevent myself from repeating a patterns and transferring a pattern towards the child without being able to direct myself and to support the child, however there are ‘dark mind‘ dimensions involved of spite, blame and fear that are for me to take responsibility for as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by the child because of having too much consciousness as focus on the child as how I have experienced my mother’s consciousness towards/on me while growing up and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to loose the child/the love of the child and so already in the first stages of development, before it has even emerged as a living being, reject the child as well as a part of myself as this what I would have wanted for myself deep within as giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty within my uterus, without giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete without giving birth to this child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my experiences of emptyness and incompleteness within and as myself, within the separation that I have channeled myself within in thoughts, feelings and emotions, on a new born child/on not giving birth to a new born child, exactly as what I feared to do and as the pattern that I did not want to repeat when giving birth to a child.

When and as I see myself going into blame which I notice by tensing up within myself and becoming more ‘harsh’ and ‘strict’ within my words and tonality, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I blame another for something that I fear within myself underneath and that by blaming another, I already do that what I fear within giving away my self-directiveness through making another responsible for what I fear and how I would experience myself within.

I commit myself to look beyond the blame and see what I fear within myself. I commit myself to embrace this what I fear and investigate this further so that I can open it up in a more step by step and practical way, less harsh and strict or absolute but considering all dimensions and from here, find a new way to express myself in a more gentle though still firm and clear way.

When and as I see myself going into a spitefull way of thinking, behaving or communicating as for example attacking another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I fear that I am not able to give direction to myself within what I assume that another is going to say or do and so, I attack the other before it could even said or done so that I keep control over the situation, well in the perspective of where I look from in/as my mind.

I realize that within doing so, I disable myself to give direction to myself within a certain situation and so, I keep the fear alive and at the same time, I disable myself to express myself as well, creating the same situations over and over again because the fear is still here to be recognized and so, creating situations where in on forehand, I ‘silence‘ myself, from where I go speaking in a harsh and strict and absolute way so that at least I have expressed something, again out of fear of not being able/not receiving the time to express myself more gentle, considering though clear and firm. I realize that I do not give myself the time to express and give myself direction, out of this fear on forehand and creating situations within this.

I commit myself to stop immediately and so change in the moment, to breathe and give some time, firstly to listen to what another is saying or doing and from here, seeing what I would like to express or, if nothing clear is coming up yet, to remain silence but now from my own decision.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of not being able to direct myself in a certain situation or conversation which comes up as a small shock as reaction on something that I hear or see but not had expected, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it may be so that I need more time to investigate a point and so, within that certain moment, I may better do or say nothing at all or only some affirmation that I have heared or seen what is being expressed.

I commit myself to first go back to myself and embrace myself in what gives this little shock and calm myself down and find my stand and expression within and so within the moment, I better stay silence as a decision within and as myself to prevent myself from creating consequenses inside and outside that I would then later blame or spite myself for.

When and as I experience a fear of loss, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have have channeled a part of myself within a relationship in/as my mind as dependency on something outside myself that I have not yet clear sight on. I realize that I react on this experience of fear of loss because I fear to loose in that moment as how I have lived this experience many times before so I fear ‘to loose again’ (something or someone) which is visible in a ‘trying to not loose’ within a conversation or situation which then result in a form of attack of suptile spite or subtile blame. I realize that I do not have a solution for such moments as I have never lived this before beyond the fear of loss.

I commit myself to hold myself (on the) in-breath and breathe out and let the situation or conversation unfold and I commit myself to practise this in situations that are not so ‘personal’ as for example at work, to see what happen and to find my stand, my expression and words in this.

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Previous blog: 10. The fruit isn’t really gone

Next blog: 12. Learning what consequence is


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

 

Dag 722 – 10. The fruit isn’t really gone

This blog is related to record 10: The fruit isn’t really gone

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I cannot believe what I have done to myself’ by doing this curettage to take out the fruit from my uterus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do something that I did not really/deeply want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I was taking away a beginning of life out of my body and by not really realizing what I was doing, I gave my power, my self-directive power, so my ‘lifeforce’ so to speak, away to reasons, excuses and justifications in/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel myself more into my mind by giving away my selfdirective power as ‘this is what I want and who I am and what is best for me’ and so for life as a whole, by making decisions that are not considering all dimensions that I am aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore a glimpse of my awareness and within this, give away my strength and my ability to act according to what I am aware of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand my control, my ‘power’ to enforce a decision in/as the mind, to misunderstand and mix this up with ‘what I want’ and ‘what is best for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take control over myself in situations where in I feel like loosing control, meaning like loosing sight because things come forward that I have never walked before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the possibility of taking direction over myself and how I would like to develop a relationship with my child, different than how the relationship between me and my mother had developped and so, because I feared repeating this same pattern again, I could not allow myself to ‘loose control’ so to speak and continue with this pregnancy and so, the best thing that I saw for myself to do was taking control over this situation and stop that what I had initiated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first be content with this decision to stop what I had initiated and to later on, got stuck within this initiation of what I deeply wanted but without considering all dimensions, and after this, stopping what I had initiated because of again, not having considered all dimensions that now came forward within this initiation and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck within the control in/as my mind in moving forward and holding back at the same time, not being able to effectively move myself through this encryption in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to move through this encryption so to speak and take direction within and as myself within a situation that I have initiated.

When and as I see myself deeply wanting something, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I need to investigate all dimensions that I can see are involved so that I can move myself effectively within a direction to create what I deeply want, this in a way of considering all and everything that I can see that is involved.

I commit myself to no longer ignore what I deeply want/would like to create but instead, investigate all the dimensions that I see that are involved and opening up and from here, walk into this creation in a way that is best for all and everyrhing that I can see that is involved and to adapt along the way, when and as I see that this is needed.

I commit myself to allow myself to initiate that what I deeply want in a way of considering the life within, in what is or will be involved, including myself and my own capacity on a physical, mind and beingness level so that I am sure that I am able to stand and keep standing in that what I initiate.

When and as I see or experience myself as ‘being stuck’, within the experience itself or already reflected within and as my physical body in my large intestine, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my physical body, my large intestine is bringing this experience forward, however it doesnot mean that I ‘should stop’ what I have initiated because it can be bringing up old, related memories of fear that I have not yet walked through effectively and so, my mind consciousness system, integrated within my physical body, is bringing up it’s way of control as fear to ‘make myself stop’ as how I have programmed myself in the past. I realize that my mind doesnot say ‘that I should stop’ but it does more point out that I have to look at certain memories that are stored within my physical body.

I commit myself to relook at my initiation and if and when I see that I am sure in it, to look at the physical experience of ‘being stuck’ and see what equation I have created in the past that I need to forgive and change, this because this equation is no longer serving me in and as life  – as how it had served me in a way of ‘protection’ in/as the mind, which is actually a way of control but still, during that time, it served as protection  that is now no longer needed because I have developped more awareness, support and strength within and as myself.

I realize that a change in the outcome, will ask for a change in the equation, otherwise I become ‘stuck again’ within a polarity, within giving myself contradictory messages and so, I commit myself to forgive the old equation that have protected me in the past and from here, change it in a way that it serves myself as life in the outcome that is best for myself and others involved.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of ‘undefined’ fear that I can not really point out, I stop and breathe.

I realize that my mind is bringing forward an equation that it now fears to loose, as something that has served as ‘protection’ in the past and so, a part of myself that is channeled and participating in/as the mind, is trying to keep control and protecting itself in this point.

I commit myself to hold myself and to find the equation that is no longer serving me, to name the experience and to forgive myself and to ask for support when I do not really see what equation is coming up so that from here, I can move myself through this accumulated experiences from memories that I have recreated over and over again in the past and from here, change the equation towards principles that support the outcome that is best for all which means principles that support an outcome that is best for myself and others involved, working together in and as life.

Now, Understand that – the Creation of this Reality, in the Form that it now Exist, as Living Words / Living Pictures: took Billions of Years. In those years – the Creator Gods obviously Protected their Trademarks. That means, ‘the How’ they Programmed this. And they Encrypted it, not with 256-bit Encryption – but say with 256 Trillion-bit Encryption on Each Point. They left only One Point open that they couldn’t Encrypt – there was only ONE thing they couldn’t Encrypt, which was: Equality and Oneness as what is Best for all Life. Everything else – they Encrypted.

From: Day 300: The Encryption of Systems (Part One)

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Previous blog: 9. Ignoring some signs within myself

Next blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern


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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 720 – 8. Feeling like ‘going of my path’

This blog is related to record 8: Feeling like ‘going of my path’

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘going of my path’ if I would continue with the pregnancy, coming forward out of a ‘not knowing how’ and an experience of ‘not being able to’ keep standing on my own feet alone when I would continue with the pregnancy as what I did ‘forsee’ in this is me stepping in a relationship that I did not want to step in at that time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like compromising myself if and when I would step in that relationship while continuing with the pregnancy instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I not necessarily would compromise myself by stepping in but that it would depend on ‘who I am’ within and also, that I had already compromised myself from the beginning (by not taking everything into consideration as how I wrote out in a blog before) and so, each a decision would somehow/somewhere compromise a part of myself within physical reality as that part that I did not consider at first but that within this, I could and am able to take responsibility for myself in my initial decision and consequenses, through and as the living of self-forgiveness and while doing so, stop the compromising patterns within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have a ‘path’ that I need to follow without seeing, realizing and understanding that this so called ‘path’ is preprogrammed and determined to keep me in a program in/as the mind consciousness system, if and when I do not stand up and change myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot step in ‘my path’ as a preprogrammed design and so, break off every single thing that I see as ‘my path’ instead of seeing a preprogramming as a design support to show me where and how I have separated myself from myself as the directive principle of who I am, in every situation.

And so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a polarity experience with ‘my path’ of ‘not wanting to step in’ and at the same time, ‘not being allowed to step out’ and within this, keep myself at a point of not changing or expanding anything because of not being able to step in or start anything for myself with regards to relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my experience of depression and within this, having a fear of a post-natal depression if and when I will continue the pregnancy and within this, perceiving myself completely loosing my directive principle within this situation that ‘may happen in future’, if and when I decide to keep the child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that depression in itself is a form of victimization of myself and from here, a form of manipulation of my envirionment that does not go ‘how I want’ and so, I do not see, realize and understand how I make myself dependent on my environment and so, I am pulling myself back from ‘my environment’ as a temptation to keep a form of control in/as the mind as how I perceive who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make ‘who I am’ as my directive principle, dependent on my environment by thinking and believeing that ‘how I feel is who I am’ and so, try to control and manipulate my environment within an experience of depression and from here, decide to follow up this control within and as myself and so, control myself, my pregnancy, my unborn child and the father of the unborn child within a decision to have an abortion as the only way that I see to stand up within this situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even say sorry to the father of the unborn child and find it ‘my right’ to make the decision for myself without involving him but only ‘notifying’ him after that I have made ‘my decision’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the pregnancy as something that deep within myself I wanted and wanted to continue and let the child come and do everything possible to stand by and walk with, although the situation is not really what I wanted or actually ‘felt’ like it was not really what I wanted because of experiences of resistance towards the father of the unborn child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own experiences of resistance above life itself and give my experiences and so my mind consciousness system more value than myself and a child and a father and other family, in and as life, by not involving them within my decision making, not on forehand and not afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring myself into a situation where whatever decision I would make, it would have consequenses, this because of following up on two thoughts and making a decision in a split second, made without awareness, meaning, without considering all and everything involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on judging myself and so keep myself prison within thoughts, feelings and emotions, related to bringing myself and/as others into this position of victimization, instead of taking responsibility for myself by forgiving myself and from here, unconditionally letting it go to a point of not creating it again and considering the spark of life that is involved and existing, within and without.

Here to mention that I do see what ‘reasons’ has led to this decision as reasons that are not ‘my fault’ but that are more consequences of how I as a human have accepted and allowed myself to develop as a systematized being, passed from generation to generation without seeing a way to effectively direct myself, which is something that I will take responsibility for further in this series.

When and as I see myself tending to make a decision without involving the ones that are physically involved in a situation, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I try to follow a desire or wished outcome where in I do not consider all dimensions involved.

I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for participating in and believing the desire and wished outcome to be real or best and from here, discuss on forehand the possibilities with the ones that are involved within a situation so that the decision can be made within consideration of as much dimensions involved as possible within that moment.

When and as I see myself participating in a polarity related to a programming within myself, of oneway, not willing to step in and at the same time, feeling like not being able to step out, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I keep myself stuck and waiting in not making and walking a decision, related to wanting a ‘certain outcome’ instead of focussing on ‘who I am’ within ‘what I walk’, where I am not sure of the outcome in future, as an outcome in physical reality is depending on so many dimensions and also others that are involved and also because I may not yet see all dimensions as well.

I commit myself to focus on ‘who I am’ within ‘what I walk’ and within this, see what is best to do within each related moment again and to see what information I may need more to have a more clear sight.

I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for a fear coming up of loosing a certain outcome and within this, forgive myself for a fear (so judgement) of loosing an opportunity of how I perceive how I would experience myself in a certain situation and at the same time, investigate why I fear/judge myself for ‘loosing an opportunity to experience myself a certain way’ and forgive myself accordingly – within the realization that fear and judgement is actually consisting of a thought that is bringing forward certain feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of depression, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not standing in my directive principle but that I am depending ‘how I feel’ on my environment and others around me and that I am not satisfied with certain things within my life and so, within myself.

I commit myself to see what I want/would like from my environment and others around me that I make myself depending on and from here, see how I can bring this back to myself and search for the ‘quality’ or experience within, so that I can bring this quality/experience back to myself, forgive myself for the attached emotions and feelings, see if there is a thought/memory related and from here, redefine it into a living word that I can eventually live as a self-expression and sharing with others in maybe a different way than I initially had attached it towards within and as myself.

I commit myself to investigate what I am not satrisfied with within/as myself and from here, see how I can embrace, make peace with it, forgive and expand myself in this certain area, slowly and in small steps.

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Previous blog: 7. The moment of truth

Next blog: 8. Ignoring some signs within myself


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 716 – 4. Understanding the obsession

This blog is related to record 4: Understanding the obsession

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really see realize and understand how ‘a biological clock ticking’ consists of an obsession but more believe that it is real and that it is okay to live this out because it is part of myself (as a biological programming as a human in/as a female body but that I was not aware of during that time).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to live out a part of my biological programming without considering that this programming is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse my obsessive behaviour with the fact that the ‘biological clock’ – as a limited period of time where in reproduction is possible – is part of how the human physical body is functioning in it’s part of reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to become obsessive because of not taking responsibility for my thoughts, emotions and feelings that are related coming up to relationships and reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because of my thoughts, emotions and feelings coming up within me, related to relationships and reproduction, to actually ‘follow up’ these thoughts, emotions and feelings with actions without considering that what I am following up on in myself, is not really who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely scare myself and create panic within believing that I should have a child and for having a child, I need a relationship and if I cannot find a relationship, then I should look for other ways to have and raise a child of myself and so within this belief, not taking responsibility for this belief in itself and for who I am within and thus, creating and participating in, living in and as this obsession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make an obsession of myself and my life without really, seeing, realizingnand understanding what I am doing to myself as life and life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have seen the reproduction cycle clearly for what it is as a  practical and physical system of bringing forward life which brings a huge responsibility to educate and walk with this new life until it is able to stand in and as itself as a responsible, living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have approached the bringing forward of a new life without seeing the total responsibility in it but more have experienced it as ‘something that I would like to experience’ and so, from a starting-point of self-interest to feed myself from with experiences, which in itself is what an obsession is: longing for an experience with the purpose of wanting to experience the fulfillment of the experience itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the cycle of reprodution is what ‘life’ is about and what ‘life’ is, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that the reproduction system and the cycle that it is functioning in and as, is the system that brings forward new life but it is not ‘life’ itself.

When and as I see myself having a desire and see myself ‘longing for an experiemce, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have channeled a part of myself in this desire in and as the furure as something that I need to reach and ‘reach out for’ and because of channeling myself in this desire (in the future, because a desire is projected in the future), I am not completely here within and as myself and so, I am missing a part of myself where in I actually ‘desire’ this part of myself in a way to become whole with, or I am ‘longing for’ this part of myself to unite myself with and as and because it is channeled in a particular thought or experience, created as an projected idea in the future, I follow this desire.

I commit myself to forgive myself for misunderstanding my motivation for my ‘desire’ and the energetic experiences that I generate out of this projected idea as desire.

I commit myself to stop the ‘obsession of longing for an experience of wanting to experience the fulfillment of the experience itself. I commit myself to take responsibility for what I desire and to see what I have projected that is real as ‘me’ within this desire and bring myself back here.

I commit myself to support myself with bringing myself back here with the support of finding a word that I can live here as myself in the moment.

I commit myself to redefine the word desire and make it a word that contains a practical self-support.

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Previous blog: 3. Obsession

Next blog: 4. Menstruation cycle


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive