Dag 776 – Self-trust and fuzzyness

When is self-trust coming? In the previous blog I wrote about building self-trust within the living of principles.  I mean here especially the living of it and having the certainty within and as myself that I will live by a certain principle.

This mean that I have tested out this principle in physical reality and that I have been stable in this in directing myself towards an outcome that is best for me as life, in and as this physical reality and so, it is best for life in and as this physical reality as a whole. Before I come to this point in area’s that I do not yet have developped a self-direction, I first will find myself for example going into the opposite ‘state’ or direction of what is best for myself and/as life and it is very well possible that I do not even really see that I am doing this because I am already doing it for so long. So this means that I have followed an ineffective mind-programming within and as myself.

But I do notice some ‘fuzzyness’ within myself where in I am not really here and present and I also can learn to see it within the outcome that may be different than what I had my focus on as the best way possible and as my potential and especially when this happens more than once or many times, then I know for myself that I am somewhere not living by a principle that is best for me as best for all. I am walking into a default consequence without even really seeing it as a manifested consequence.

This fuzzyness I find a difficult area, because I actually am not really seeing and aware of what I am living out here in reality or, I do not even see or have learned that it is not ‘what is best’, meaning that there is self-interest involved that I am holding on to without really seeing what I am doing or that I am doing this.

I will apply some self-forgiveness on this ‘fuzzyness’ inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sleepy and tired and not wanting to start the day because I am seeing up against what needs to be done that day and/or against a problem I need to find a solution for and develop a self-direction within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed within and as myself about myself and who I am in this fuzzy area in my life, thinking and believing that I did have more clarity and direction than I actually have, according to an outcome or situation playing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot do anything about it or that I will ‘never make it’ because I am in this fuzzy area and not really seeing clear what needs to be done, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I ‘feel scared’ about what I may find that needs to be done and what I may need to take responsibility for within and as myself and so, I rather keep myself in and as this fuzzy state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on forehand, create an idea about what ‘taking responsibility’ means or what needs to be done and making this idea bigger and more loaded in and as my mind, than the actual directiveness in and as myself consist of and so, I use this as a distraction and excuse of taking the lead and directiveness within and as myself in what will come forward as what needs to be done in a certain moment in the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to on forehand, have a scenario ready in and as my mind, build on thoughts of ‘what needs to be done and how this needs to be done’, instead of focussing on myself and breathing through the thoughts coming up (and when and as needed, writing out certain thought and emotional patterns to free myself from the energy within a default programming) and practising in and as myself to trust the breathing and me within and focus on what needs to be done physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so powerless and abused within and as myself and stored in my physical body, as if I/myself am ‘burried’ very deep within and having lost my voice and will to speak and express and move myself.

I do realize that this is a process where in I ask myself to change certain deep ingrained programmings that are probably uncomfortable to walk and so I commit myself to support myself unconditionally in what comes up, what mistakes I make, what default I may find and the amount of time and consequences that it has given or will give to from here, push myself to the best of my ability to find my will and voice to express myself and start practising my self-directive principle in daily living situations.

To be continued


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