Within a conversation and after a group-chat, I did become aware that I do not see how and that blame is a form of self-manipulation. I mean, I do understand forms of self-manipulation within and as myself and in theory, I understand that behind everything that we do that is not aligned with what is best, there is actually self-manipulation active, because if we would directly speak and live as what is best for all – so including ourselves – there is no manipulation of self and / as others existing or needed; we are then here, stable, in and as life.
But, to understand something in detail and within and as myself; this is a different story than seeing the truth as common sense in a theory or knowledge and information only. So, here I would like to have a deeper look at how blame, exist as self-manipulation as well. Because if I do not realize, see and understand this within and as myself, I will react in subtle ways to ‘blame’ and misunderstand it (and so I fear / judge it) as something that is ‘done towards another’ or ‘done towards me’ as a starting-point, when the starting-point in and as self-manipulation is bringing the blame back to self. Where I then can do something about it.
Let’s start with some self-forgiveness and see what opens up:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that blame directed towards me, is really connected to me, when actually it has nothing to do with me – other than what my reaction is towards the situation and projection in and as blame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when someone is blaming me for something, even when I cannot find myself anything doing ‘wrong’ but a small mistake that is behind it and within feeling guilty, I am making myself part of the dance of ‘being blamed’ and so ‘being hold responsible for’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and / as others for small mistakes and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of moving myself into some form of (self-)support, I follow the blame and circle myself back into and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself responsible for what another is blaming me for and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold another responsible for what I am blaming (hidden or not) another for and so I am still placing myself in a interconnected position.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be perfect so that another cannot blame me for anything and so that I do not need to blame myself for anything related to this and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be perfect so that I cannot be hold responsible for anything outside myself.
Here to mention that this is about perfection as trying to meet other’s standards, outside myself, which is not the same as walking in and towards self-perfection, where in I commit myself to be and become the best version of myself in and as self-honesty and current location-point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be misunderstood and so, to be ‘unforgiven’ and so ‘blamed’ for, where in I then in and as this fear, I am keeping myself in this entanglement, finding myself ‘trying to explain myself’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it almost impossible to make a move that may be misunderstood and so, I do a. not move or b. stay low / keep quiet or c. move in silence / invisible or d. over-explain myself and then if and when not understood, I tend to Not make the move and instead, move into and as my mind and start doubting myself, waiting for approval from the outside as a ‘green light’ to move.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to ‘missing information’ and becoming fanatic and pushing within what I do see, when actually I only would like to receive and understand the missing piece so that I can be clear and stable in what I do see, as a part and as a whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘blame the blame and / or blamer’ in subtle ways and within this, keep cycling in the point of blame within and as myself in doing exactly that what I blame and so locking myself in.
Then, what also opened up, is a message and video of Gian, referring to 2020 as the point of No return, meaning, the equal money or global basic income should be opening up to be placed in as a point of no return, in whether we are going to make it or not as humanity on this earth.
(message Gian: “I made this video 8 years ago, and it stated the year 2020 for a reason. There was discussions about EMS being implimented by then and if not we will be too late as humanity on this earth to change anything in the realms of how much consequences we will face on this earth, I made the video under the instruction of Bernard. What was also clear was that it might not be Equal Money System as we promote it but through someone else in a little different way, like UBI and Andrew Yang and what he is promoting. We now have the Amazon Rainforests burning at alarming rates and a sign of humanity not changing course at all, 2020 was assessed back then as being the point of no return if we do not turn in a way that if forward for life on this planet by 2020.”)
Well, this seems like a whole other point, however for me it touched to ‘zero point’ within myself, in the sense that I see, realize and understand the state of the world and humanity without making it anymore beautiful and I would like to make peace with this view. Not to ‘give up’ but to embrace it all, inside and outside, as it shows the deepest saddest thing as how far away we are all from ourselves in and as life, inside and outside and an important aspect of this is the ‘blame-game’, where almost everyone is pointing fingers in some way, mostly because the mechanisms in and as the mind, are not understood for what it is and so as how it exists within myself: blame is not seen as a form of self-manipulation and so not seen as something that is harming / manipulating self first and foremost – same inside same outside.
I do feel a bit nervous when writing this down, as in ‘am I allowed to name it as this as how it is?’. Which shows a form of self-manipulation as well. To shut myself down. To ‘fear’ myself away actually.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself away for the truth deeply within and without and so hiding until the point of no return.
Somehow we do believe that there is ‘always a way’ and that there is no such thing as ‘no return’. Here I have lived this in my personal life, in and as a misconception of love, where I / we did past the point of no return and no matter how I keep searching within myself, I do not see a way to ‘return to’ with one another and if and when there is a way, it would be complete self-responsibility in and as oneself as ‘the only way’. And even here it would not mean ‘a return’ to how it was but actually a return back to self.
So here, the solution that I do have an influence on at small scale, so within my reach, is to keep pushing myself to the point of self-responsibility for all that exists within me and if every one is eventually doing this – one plus one plus one – we exist in and as self-responsibility as a whole, in and as life, with no one left behind. And, to make this possible for everyone, we do need such thing as an UBI as some form of an equal money system, to give every one an equal opportunity to walk out of the survival mode, into and as life, in and as self-responsibility.
It also makes sense to me to what Cerise did point out within a picture of my face, looking at my facial expression (as some kind of supportive group-action-point that week), where she mentioned something as ‘not yet ready to embrace humanity as a whole’ which I do see related to this misunderstanding of blame as self-manipulation, within and without, as in still ‘blaming humanity’ in a way. Which of course I did understand in and as common sense as that I project something from myself ‘on humanity’; as if I am not part of it and I did ‘feel it showing in my face’ as well, so I found it quite striking and very observant from her, however as I mentioned, it only makes sense when seeing, realizing and understanding it inside and as myself in a way that I can open it up, embrace, forgive and change.
So far for today and I will see how this topic opens up more in time to come, into and as self-understanding.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: