Dag 764 – It’s a decision

One of the things that stand the most by me from the words of Bernard are the words ‘it’s a decision’. Actually everything, who we want to be, how we want to live, how we approach others and the world around us – it’s based on a decision. However what we have learned, is that it is based on ‘how we feel’ or not feel and what we think about something or someone. This goes so automatically and fast within ourself, that we are not really (or not at all) aware of the motivation behind our words and actions, behaviour and choises.

In the past, we have made many ‘decisions’ based on painful experiences and then we created thoughts and behaviour as a way to try and control our environment, to not experience this pain again and so actually, our unaware ‘decisions’ are very much based on a protection and defense mechanism. At some point later in life, if often comes forward that these ‘decisions’ are not practical anymore and actually working ‘against ourself’ as well as ‘against others’. Because these ‘decisions’ are once based on ‘exclusion’ from the one who did some harm to us, instead of bringing the pain back to self. This can be developped in many situations, from very small moments where we did not understand what was happening in a moment, within ourself and for example felt rejected, to the really emotional or physical abusive situations that do happen so much in this world that is based on inequality and misunderstandings.

So the protection and defense mechanism could be valid as ‘understandable’ and even necessarry in the past, however there comes a point in our lives where we are asked to be ready and willing to bring the pain back to self and take responsibility for ourself, in who and how we have created ourselves from all these moments in the past, in a way that is not best for all, but still only protecting and defending ‘our own good’ so to speak which goes hand in hand with attacking another who is questioning this ‘good’.

I was writing self-forgiveness in in a timeline of a mind-construct last week and came to a moment of decision where I saw that my behaviour, is unacceptable. It took me months to come to an understanding of myself in my behaviour, although I had seen already long before that something did not go well in certain moments.

It was in a moment in the working-environment that I am not satisfied about and that I experience as ‘unfair’ but that I can also not practically change and so, I was kind of ‘stuck’ in how to stand in this and behave. And this prevented me from seeing into myself as who I am in that moment and the will to change in this, because I found that ‘I had the right to do this’ in some way. And so it took me a deep introspection to come to the point of seeing that I was actually on a very subtile level, abusing a situation and (business)relationship in the vulnerability of the interdependency that we existing in within actually all relationships. I made a difference of how to be in different relatinships and so, I actually let the relationship determine ‘who I am’. I did not make a clear decision about ‘who I am’ in every relationship and allowed a small backdoor within myself in a (business)relationship where in another is more dependent on me (for money), to behave from a starting-point of ‘having certain rights’, where in other relationships where I am more dependent, I suppress these reactions within me.

Once I saw the point of abuse in it, through the extensive and structural writing and/of self-forgiveness within the lesson, I saw the solution: it’s a decision and I am the solution in who I am in that moment; it’s not possible to change the practical aspects in it and it is unacceptable to live out my dissatisfactions, so there is only one (practical) solution: ME and the decision to no longer accept and allow myself to live out this pattern of abuse, no matter how subtile and no matter ‘if I am right’ in a way.

From here I now need to practise and live this decision in reality, so I need to everytime decide to ‘act on my decision’, to make it a real and living decision that is visible in physical matter and what I find as well is that I need to come to this ‘decision’ in many different situations, moments and relationships, through seeing, realizing and understanding myself in each of it. (…) So I have an overall decision of the will to make the best of myself and come to a living of decisions of what is best for all in every moment and within this ‘will to change’ as a starting-point, I walk many moments towards a point of seeing myself, from where I decide to stop the abusive or ineffective pattern and thus change. This shows how extensive and detailed this process is to come to a point of practical, visible change in all aspects of our living.

Once I come to such point of insight, I find myself being more stable and solid, as now I have found a point that I can stand in and stand up from in those moments. There is often so much resistance experienced towards a point that needs introspection, however once through, it gives much more trust and satisfaction within and as self. To come to a decision that is best for all, I need to take off the layers of energy created around it and an effective way to do this is the application of self-forgiveness, so that I can come to a point of really seeing, realizing and understanding what I am doing in such moment and then, I am able to make the decision or actually in that moment of seeing myself, I have made the decision, to stop the abuse in this certain situation.

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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Dag 695 – The body-being-mind relationship – The influence of memories

memories

I was having a Kinesiology chat/session with Kim where I was asking for more context about an experience of ‘being ignored’ and in relation to the influence of my reactions (spiraling out) on my physical body. Here I will describe a small part of the chat that I would like to point out.

What came forward is a primary pattern where I react with confusion, anxiety, insecurity, submission and terrified in relation to people’s emotional patterns in general (so not just to specific emotional patterns).

What here came forward for the second time as being related, is a memory; though it is a memory that I do not recognize, but where I saw myself only keeping on looking into the relation to my parents. Then what came forward is that it would be related to a memory that I downloaded from one of my parents, meaning that it is not a memory of something that I have been part of in my life, but a memory from my parents that they did not have been (able to) work on to stabilize themselves within and so the memory kept playing a part of them and had been transfered to me (I can not yet describe here how this happens specificely – it has to do with the integration of the mind-systems within our physical bodies and how things are being transfered from parents to their children).

From what I understand now, is that with this downloaded memory underneath – where probably these emotions were experienced – I developped going into these emotions (confusion, anxiety, insecurity, submission and terrified) in relation to people’s emotional patterns in general. This is as far as how I see it and this is actually the primary point for me to work with.

This ‘download’ happened on the more deeper levels of my mind-body integration (on an unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical level) and so it influences how I experience myself and how I behave/act.

This is what I could very much relate to as how I describe here in our chat:

Ingrid  Schaefer: aha
Ingrid  Schaefer: that makes sense, also why I Always feel so ‘stuck’ without being able to see something related
Ingrid  Schaefer: my father is emotional a very closed person and it feels like I have more downloaded from him and my brother from my mother, if this is possible.
Ingrid  Schaefer: my chest is releasing now, this left side point
kim amourette: “my father is emotional a very closed person and it feels like I have more downloaded from him and my brother from my mother, if this is possible” – yes
 kim amourette: “that makes sense, also why I Always feel so ‘stuck’ without being able to see something related” – yes as well
Ingrid  Schaefer: cool

And this pattern influences why I react to what I describe as ‘being ignored’ by some male I have been close with and these reactions come actually on top of this initial reaction pattern where in I have not yet directed myself effectively, as this is just opening op and it is making the reaction pattern on this male’s behaviour worse.  The reaction pattern on this male’s behaviour, is actually a distraction of the primary pattern that I need to work with. What I do see in relation to the male’s behaviour is the following:

Ingrid  Schaefer: I can see it related to others emotional patterns in general. In relation to this memory, I need some more time, I will have to see some more in emotions within me related to my father, that I may have created as reaction to downloaded memories, a bit as ‘carrying the load’ for him – this is what I see myself as well doing in relation to this male
Ingrid  Schaefer: so I start doing the work when he is walking out, and also to try to ‘prevent him’ from emotional reacting and then walking out
kim amourette: cool yeah looks like you got the point

Then what came forward is that the primary pattern is effecting my sleep, where in I do not so much see this in ‘not well sleeping’ but more in ‘waking up tired’ and general fatique. (And for myself, I experinece this ‘being stuck’ within my chest/lung-heart area and large intestine).

These inner experiences and how I behave and act, as patterns that I have created over time, are for myself to walk through, to understand, forgive and change myself within, step by step and very specific. Because this is my responsibility, I created this, although the memory was not ‘from me’. In the rest of the chat we walked through more specific dimensions to start opening up this primary point.

What I want to bring forward here, is that this small example underlines for me how important it is to become aware of how my own mind functions and how the mind in general in functioning, how many dimensions are involved here and how this has an effect on my experiences, behaviour and physical body. And, if I do not have access to this information, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to really come to clarity and forgiveness within myself. Because I will keep looking in the ‘wrong’ direction and let myself distract with this.

I also will not be able to really forgive myself, because I do not really understand what I need to forgive and what makes me feeling ‘stuck’ for example and here I will keep on searching and searching for context and even creating new reactions and relationships in this, within my own mind and I will – on a certain level within me – keep on blaming other’s behaviour for how I experience myself and “so then in that point of blame also not considering that my reactions don’t necessarily have anything to do with his behaviour per se (in this specific situation with this male’s behaviour), as my reactions come from deeper levels”.

This is a small example of how I see how our Healthcare in general, needs to be expanded in so many levels. So that we all can receive the best possible support to learn to support ourselves. This is a vision for the future, where many things needs to be changed in the world to make this possible. However on a very small scale, within some individual processes, it is already happening and this is part of how it shall be walked, from the very small within and from here, influencing our relationships and slowly expanding towards the world around us. And this will take time and there is much to investigate.

To be continued.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

For related interviews to memories click here.

head-brain righthead brain grey

 

 


 

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


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http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

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Uil forgive

 

 

 

 

 

Dag 682 – The mind-body relationship – Some fears during the flu

flu-97679_640

I am having pretty bad flu symptoms at the moment that I write this. It’s been a while ago that I have had this. It started with some slight symptoms and I could move on with my activities. Then at work, I felt the pain going towards my jaw, at the place where within two months, a crown will be placed. It hurted and here, I started to react with fear. That the pain would become worse and that the crown needed to be placed earlier, things like that. Since then the symptoms of the flu got worse (not especially with this tooth – it is like it was ‘passing by’ this area and because it is a ‘weak’ place, it hurted there more ) and I really need to stay at home and take some time to recover. I will write out some self-forgiveness on thoughts/experiences coming up during these days, related to the symptoms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear come in within myself within thoughts about the place in my jaw where a crown is going to be placed, where before this, I had no thoughts of fear about having some slight ‘flu’-symptoms as a bit of a rough throat for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with myself during the days at home about wanting to use the time effectively but actually not being able to do anything constructive besides making some food and taking care for myself and the cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my house will become dirty with lots of hair from the cats and me not being able to clean up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will become ‘too much’ to clean up, where actually the cleaning up will be the same as before, only with some more hair now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to feel myself like this from now on, not being able to do anything constructively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the virus/bacteria to take over within me, which is actually the same as fearing my mind/the thoughts to take over within and as me, consisting as/related to memories within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not being able anymore to take care for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not being able to direct all things in my life as combining work, projects, house-tasks and self-care/animal-care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience towards the flu-symptoms,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like wasting time when I am not able to do anything constructively because of feeling physically not well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on towards thoughts and emotions and within this, hurting my body/letting this ‘eat’ on my physical body within the tissue and let it become irritated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards the flu-symptoms very slightly within myself so that I do not directly notice this, and within this irritate myself/my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I would not be sensitive to a flu because I haven’t had this for a long time and so, did not build up fear towards this, where I do see now that there is a fear existing within me when and as it is happening and it also can be existing within me through family-memories where having a cold or getting a flu is accepted as that one should not kiss each other on the cheek for example when one is having a cold, because of ‘a risk’ of transmitting the cold/flu towards each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would not get the cold or flu and not wanting to participate in and as the thoughts/believes of transmitting a virus just by kissing another on the cheek.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if the fear about my jaw has opened up towards the flu getting worse or that it would have got worse anyway.

I remember here having a chat with Sunette about me coughing after having some food, where she mainly advised me to slow down and not judge the coughing (I will write about this in a separate blog) and I noticed that this was the main point that caused the coughing/how I kept it continuing. I saw a related point with the flu-symptoms, that I was reacting to it, having difficulties with slowing down myself. So I see now that this is a point to consider in general: slowing down within myself and not judging what is physically happening but rather look at it and support myself within.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself reacting to physical symptoms and judging myself for this, to breathe and slow down within myself, meaning, looking at what is really existing within me in such a moment and where my thoughts are going to from here, forgive myself for the pattern within and related emotions coming up.

I commit myself to, when and as I see physical symptoms becoming worse in a moment, to stop and breathe and slow down, to lay down when and as necessary, to embrace myself and see what I am participating in within my mind and what the fear is and from here, forgive myself for what I think and believe and participate in.

I commit myself to investigate and write about the patterns that are coming up more prominent when and as I ‘become ill’ as here my mind shows me what I have not yet sorted out within myself with regards to my physical and physical activities that I am not being able to do in that moment.

I commit myself to, when and as I fear that the virus will take over, to stop and breathe and see what thoughts I participate in as a ‘virus that I allow to take over’ and instead, direct myself within, forgive myself for the fear and bring myself here in physical reality.

I commit myself to be carefull with viruses and bacteria, to support my immune-system where I can and to seek for medical support when and as needed and when not, to trust myself and take care of myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in thoughts about cleaning the house and fear of not being able to do so, to stop, breathe and look with common sense to the hair in the house that I will be able to clean up within an hour, as soon as I feel physically better.

I commit myself to look at a virus with common sense, meaning to not fear it but to also not go into an experience of superiority as in ‘I will not get the flu’ as this is actually also based on fear, as a fear of ‘being caught’ in a mind-pattern that is lived within the family/society and so, existing as a memory within myself.

I commit myself to work constructively with memories as fear as thoughts that I see existing within me in relation to physical symptoms and assumptions about a virus and other dis-eases by looking at the thoughts and related emotions and/or feelings and forgive myself for the energetic attachements within, to create space for/within myself to look at memories and information with common sense.

virus-163471_640

Multi-dimensional information about the evolution of viruses:

The Evolution of Viruses – Reptilians – Part 243

The Evolution of Viruses (Part 2) – Reptilians – Part 244

Fighting off Viruses – Reptilians – Part 245

The Virus and the Body – Reptilians – Part 246

Mind + Virus Versus Body – Reptilians – Part 247

*

The Evolution of the Common Cold – 2013 – Future of Consciousness – Part 44

Memories in Your Body – Quantum Systemization – Part 63

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
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Uil forgive