Dag 760 – What am I passionate about?

I was looking within myself this morning for what I am passionate about, what makes me move, wanting to get op in the morning? I have seen many times within me, that I project my passion on a relationship and then ‘needing’ the relationship to ‘live my passion’. In this I make myself dependent on the relationship and/or partner and I place a lot of pressure on the relationship and partner (and on myself) as well.

I have also found some area’s through my life, that really have my deep interest, like for example the natural medicine and animals. However this I have found, is still not the ‘core’ of what I find that really matters. I have found in this that I can not totally ‘go for it’ – like for example starting a natural medicine practice, which is something that I have tried as well, but that has not been coming from the ground. There is always something ‘missing’ as something that makes it ‘matter’ within myself.

Then we can of course say from a point of knowledge and information, that it is ‘me’ that is missing, that ‘I’ make it work or not. And that is so, but still it is undefined, as what is this ‘me’ that I want to bring in?

This morning I came to the insight that what matters for me and what I am passionate about, is ‘Principled Living’.

Principled living is what I have learned to define within the past 6-7 years, since I started to walk with Desteni and the Desteni I Process. And here everything comes together as ‘the missing pieces’. However, only by now, I dare to define that what I am passionate about: principled living. And I easily project this on relationships, because in relationships and especially within an intimate or  partner-relationship, the need for principled living is clearly coming forward and here I see an ability within myself to bring this in.

In general and for a long time I experience a fear of voicing myself in standing for this principled living and a ‘fear of people’ in general and through this, more than I can see it as passion and motivation, the motivation comes up as a fear, for example when I wake up in the morning and it comes up as something that I experience as a pressure and demotivation to stand up and that makes me wanting to stay in bed and keep hiding. Which only enlarges the experience of demotivation so I did push and push every day to keep going, to not stay in bed too long and to not too much oversleep, to get my things done because I have also seen through my life that this is what I can move on with, that if I do stand up and start, I will find a motivation within me in some small aspects and if not, I will find it next day.

So the ‘spark’ we can say, this ‘spark of life’ within and as me actually kept showing it’s face, together with the common sense that I need to keep going and do my things and if not, things will only become worse and more difficult. But I could not say that I am ‘passionate’ – from which I see now that I have a certain ‘idea or picture’ about the word ‘passion’. When I look at it while writing, this ‘drive’ or ‘spark’ combined with common sense is already a core-element of ‘passion’ that I very much suppressed with fear within and as myself but that also has been here within me as long as I remember.

There is much to say about ‘fear’ as it has many aspects and I cannot say that ‘I just need to stop the fear’ as it doesnot work this way. The fear within and as myself, has been channeled in many ways and layers within my thoughts, words and deeds as ‘who I am’ and so it asks for a ‘walking back through layers’,  to detach myself from it step by step so that eventually, I can make the decision that ‘I don’t need it anymore’. And then still it will come up, but now I can become the starting-point and direct myself through the fear and not so much ‘me being directed by fear’ without really seeing how and where this begins within myself.

So, a starting-point for myself as ‘what am I passinate about?’ is ‘Principled Living’. As I have seen that without principled living, no relatinship will stand the test of time and no project will keep standing in a way that is considering the life-integrity that is existing within each of us.  So without principled living, there will be a constant fear for the abuse of ‘not being considered’ and this gives a lot of protection and defense-mechanism coming up, that will for example come through as a (obvious or subtile) form of manipulation, revenge, hiding, attacking, blame and what more.

Principled Living is described in a document; however the core of it is a way of living that is considering what is best for all life, without excluding anything or anyone, where each and all and everything is approached from a starting-point of equality and oneness, as this is the only way to ensure that nothing and no-one will be left behind. And here it already shows that this contains so many aspects to be looked at and how to do this, however if we are willing to be humble and to learn what ‘principled living’ entails, then what opens up is a possibility for change, because we, as the starting-point, are willing to learn how to change ourselves that eventually, will resonate into a change in the world, into a place that is best for all life, nothing and no-one excluded.

To be continued with self-forgiveness on the ‘fear of my passion’ that I describe here above.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

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Dag 750 – 29. Care as motivation

This blog is related to record 29: Care as motivation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘having a child’ and/or ‘being in a relationship’ must be ‘taken care of’ before I actually and really will be able to take care of myself in and as life and/as life as a whole, where in my self-interest – showing it’s face in ‘emotional experiences’ of ‘unfulfilled desires’ – is ‘leading me‘ or better said ‘controling me’ where in I also not take care in what is best for myself and so, I keep myself actually prisoned or controled within my own emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself locked in within the control of my emotional experiences of unfulfilled desires in which I believe that ‘I can not live without’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can not live without that what I desire, where I use this actually as a distraction within and as myself, in and as my own mind as a belief that I can not live without the control of my own mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions, as this then ‘feels like I die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I will die’ without having a connection within and as my mind where in I channel myself into certain desires, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this I project my own mind in the ‘state of death’ or ‘sleeping state’ that I exist in within this moment while participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions and following and believing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts, feelings and emotions in and as my mind within polarity that lead up to ‘a death end’ when the energy of polarity runs out, instead of looking at ‘living words’ that are best for all, including myself, that I can assist and support myself with and ‘breathe’ myself into life with, step by step, day by day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blanko and tired here without exactly seeing what and how I do ‘hold onto’ certain experiences related to ‘love and relationships’ and what this ‘gives’ to me.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of fear, related to a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the fear is an experience of the other side of the coin of the experience of love and that I may have gone into an experience of love, to not ‘feel’ the experience of fear or ‘uncertainty’ within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perhaps go into an experience of love to not feel the experience of fear or uncertainty within and as myself.

I commit myself to slow down and look carefully into the experience of fear within and as myself, within the realization that ‘fear of another’ is a thought in essence and so, there is a judgement as thought connected within and as myself, towards this ‘other’ as myself and so I also commit myself to realize that there is then most of time a self-judgement involved and so, I commit myself to keep on finding the thoughts as (self)-judgements and forgiving myself within, related to an experience of fear/love towards someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences in life as for example I do naturally like animals and so, this is a more easy motivation for me to ‘take care’, for myself and for life as a whole and that I still do experience quite some fear as resistance to ‘people’ which is because of how the mind consciousness systems are living out the inequality.

When and as I experience a fear as resistance coming up within me in interaction with another person, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am reacting to how an inequality is living out and that I ‘fear’ to keep standing and so, I somewhere judge myself in this fear and state of ineffectiveness or, I judge myself for the same thing that I do not yet see within and as myself.

I commit myself to embrace and forgive myself for my own inequalities in and as this fear as thoughts as judgements that comes up when and as an inequality is playing out and I commit myself to find and use a living word in which I make myself more effective and directed to what I see that is supporting me to stand up, to keep standing and stable in a way that is best for myself as well as for others involved, in the small moments of every day life.

Previous blog: 28. Learned a lot

This blog is connected to the last record of this serie of self-reflection on the years of my biological fertility. I have found it of great support for myself to walk it all through and share, to free myself from a certain ‘charge’ that I experienced to it all and while doing so, I could bring it back to experiences coming up within situations in current time and bring this into self-forgiveness as well.

Thank you for reading, listening and walking with.

I will continue with what is ahead and coming up within myself and my life to take care of, within and as myself, for myself and for life as a whole. It may only reach one or a few other beings at the moment, however I do understand that a ripple effect will take place that I/we may not yet see or be aware of, as every one who is taking responsibility is part of a one+one+one.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 590 – The mind-body relationship – Self-limitation

bloemknop-van-klaproos-425491

Since a few weeks I am looking into a decision to start a project at work where some coaching of a student is involved, this on request of a young student. It is new so it takes some time to investigate all the possibilities and official requirements. After considering and discussing the possibilities, I still tend to not step in, I have reasons for this and the reasons are subscribed within the conversations with colleques. However, the student does not agree with this stand and actually, when I look deep into myself, I also do not agree with myself on this stand. So I hesitate but still round it off in conversations, however within my head, it is not round off, no matter how much reasonable subscriptions I find within myself.

I recognize this pattern because I have written/am still writing a whole mind-construct about this pattern of ‘subscribing my decisions with reasons and justifications’ and walking the correction on paper and in real time (related to a different subject). So after the final conversation to round it off, I sink within myself and feel very shitty about the situation. The decision that I have made, is not best for everyone and so, also not best for me. It hurts. I hurt myself in this (and perhaps I have hurted another, however that is not to me to conclude). What I do know and experience is that I hurt myself. Not in an emotional way, but in a way of seeing that my decision and action is limiting myself in my expansion and from here, I can be sure it is of influence and limitation on another in their expansion.

To correct this, I have to make phonecalls, first to get some more information and second to discuss if I can reconsider my decision. Within this, I have to admit that I hesitate and that I was not sure about myself in/as my decision and I have to show this to the ones that I call. Here in is the risk that they do not ‘take me serious anymore’ because I hesitate too much, however then the door will yet close. This is not the case. The one who has to make some official arrangements is willing to re-open the case and after this, the situation will be fast arranged. He asks for my motivation, I describe this the best I can and he agrees with me. And that is that.

Here I go immediately to living the correction because I have walked the writing and self-forgiveness of this construct already extensively as I mentioned in writing out a whole mind-construct with the support of a buddy and I basicely/already see the mind-construct playing out within myself in/as the mind; I have taken the time to investigate and discussed the possibilities within this current situation, I have first established a stable situation at work during the last weeks and I have seen within myself that I am able to direct this situation and to (learn to) apply some coaching activities together with a collegue who is also willing to do so.

My physical experiences in this whole event are as follows:

When I finally ‘round off’ in a way where in I did not consider for everyone what is best, I started to sink more and more in my body towards an experience of paralysing. I notice that it is a state that I did not enter for quite some time, which is an indication for me that lately I am pretty much moving myself in agreement with myself in consideration of all members as what is best (which I can check within myself by seeing if I apply that which I am able to at my utmost potential for this moment/in the stage where I am). I directly notice again how limiting it is to not do so and how within not moving myself as what is best, is influencing myself in every area of my life. Because if I am not standing in and as this starting-point of considering all living beings involved and applying that what I am able to, then who am I to ask such a thing from another. And here, I will allow myself to hold back, because otherwise I would not live what I speak. I cannot speak/ask to do what is best/what one is able to and not do it myself. So basicely I bring down myself in every aspect of what I actually decide to stand for and as and within this, feeling unworthy to speak up.

From here I become emotional and easily ‘swept away’. I become depressed and feel the pressure of the emotions around the heart-area which influences the left-upper corner of the large intestine, in the area of the spleen and heart. (In the iridology there is a line that they call the ‘splean-heart line’ where in the relation between the spleen/digestion and heart is noticed as of influence on each other). A deep cry comes out of my chest-area and then it becomes more quite inside myself and I decide to place the correction in and as a living action.

After correcting myself in the living action and actually already after making this decision to do so, the depression and paralysing immediately start decreasing and after a while, I notice some warmth and better circulation around the heart-area in a way that I did not have before. This area always feels ‘harmed’ and constricted and now there is coming some warmth in it which feels physically great, as a release. I did not specificely know/see how it was related to this self-limitation of not doing what is best and how not doing what is best, actually is the self-limitation in Itself.

Why did I not do this immediately? Because of fear of not being able to direct the situation; out of fear to take the lead as responsibility for and as this situation and out of fear of it all ‘being too much’ for me together with other responsibilities and fear to physically collaps within this.

I noticed from the beginning that I am the ‘decisioning-factor’ in this, and that I hold and determine the outcome and the direction is my responsibility within the situation that I bring this new element into; I cannot allow to influence this ‘new element’ in a so to speak ‘negative’ way within and as the situation that I work in within the system. So, I have to stand in and as self-trust, meaning enough trust to direct the situation, otherwise it doesn’t make sense to make a decision purely based on knowledge and information ‘as what is best’, as this holds the risk of over-estimating myself which in the end, is not best for all involved but more a ‘risk’ to everyone involved, including myself and the working-area.

It seems such a small example which is of influence on one being and we easily ‘sweep away’ the importance of this influence with reasons and justifications in/as the mind. However, every one needs someone who is reaching out and making some arrangements possible, to learn and expand oneself in. It is not so easy these days to make a living in the system, to find a place to develop oneself. This is the main motivation for me to step in, because what I have seen is that if I am not doing this, this opportunity will close off, for both of us. That doesn’t mean that the life of another and/or myself is dependent on only my/this decision as we all have our own self-responsibility and ability to forgive and correct ourselves and make decisions again and other doors will open, however this one opportunity is here.

There is still a better warming circulation in the left-area which moves on to my left-shoulder and left-arm. The situation has to be directed from now after receiving a respons from the student.

Within this I have to mention that I have some physical support from a ‘remedy’ that is alligned with the current state of my body that is coming from a bio-resonance consult that (together with other symptoms) showed how the heart-area was affected in it’s circulation. This alligned remedy is bringing my body-functions into a state of rebalancing and movement where in it can recorrect itself, so my body in itself is of support at the moment. However I have to see, investigate, forgive, correct and change the mind-constructs in real time, to establish a correction that is lasting for and as myself, in and as my physical body.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

self-seed-4-new-earth-andrew

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/