I was looking within myself this morning for what I am passionate about, what makes me move, wanting to get op in the morning? I have seen many times within me, that I project my passion on a relationship and then ‘needing’ the relationship to ‘live my passion’. In this I make myself dependent on the relationship and/or partner and I place a lot of pressure on the relationship and partner (and on myself) as well.
I have also found some area’s through my life, that really have my deep interest, like for example the natural medicine and animals. However this I have found, is still not the ‘core’ of what I find that really matters. I have found in this that I can not totally ‘go for it’ – like for example starting a natural medicine practice, which is something that I have tried as well, but that has not been coming from the ground. There is always something ‘missing’ as something that makes it ‘matter’ within myself.
Then we can of course say from a point of knowledge and information, that it is ‘me’ that is missing, that ‘I’ make it work or not. And that is so, but still it is undefined, as what is this ‘me’ that I want to bring in?
This morning I came to the insight that what matters for me and what I am passionate about, is ‘Principled Living’.
Principled living is what I have learned to define within the past 6-7 years, since I started to walk with Desteni and the Desteni I Process. And here everything comes together as ‘the missing pieces’. However, only by now, I dare to define that what I am passionate about: principled living. And I easily project this on relationships, because in relationships and especially within an intimate or partner-relationship, the need for principled living is clearly coming forward and here I see an ability within myself to bring this in.
In general and for a long time I experience a fear of voicing myself in standing for this principled living and a ‘fear of people’ in general and through this, more than I can see it as passion and motivation, the motivation comes up as a fear, for example when I wake up in the morning and it comes up as something that I experience as a pressure and demotivation to stand up and that makes me wanting to stay in bed and keep hiding. Which only enlarges the experience of demotivation so I did push and push every day to keep going, to not stay in bed too long and to not too much oversleep, to get my things done because I have also seen through my life that this is what I can move on with, that if I do stand up and start, I will find a motivation within me in some small aspects and if not, I will find it next day.
So the ‘spark’ we can say, this ‘spark of life’ within and as me actually kept showing it’s face, together with the common sense that I need to keep going and do my things and if not, things will only become worse and more difficult. But I could not say that I am ‘passionate’ – from which I see now that I have a certain ‘idea or picture’ about the word ‘passion’. When I look at it while writing, this ‘drive’ or ‘spark’ combined with common sense is already a core-element of ‘passion’ that I very much suppressed with fear within and as myself but that also has been here within me as long as I remember.
There is much to say about ‘fear’ as it has many aspects and I cannot say that ‘I just need to stop the fear’ as it doesnot work this way. The fear within and as myself, has been channeled in many ways and layers within my thoughts, words and deeds as ‘who I am’ and so it asks for a ‘walking back through layers’, to detach myself from it step by step so that eventually, I can make the decision that ‘I don’t need it anymore’. And then still it will come up, but now I can become the starting-point and direct myself through the fear and not so much ‘me being directed by fear’ without really seeing how and where this begins within myself.
So, a starting-point for myself as ‘what am I passinate about?’ is ‘Principled Living’. As I have seen that without principled living, no relatinship will stand the test of time and no project will keep standing in a way that is considering the life-integrity that is existing within each of us. So without principled living, there will be a constant fear for the abuse of ‘not being considered’ and this gives a lot of protection and defense-mechanism coming up, that will for example come through as a (obvious or subtile) form of manipulation, revenge, hiding, attacking, blame and what more.
Principled Living is described in a document; however the core of it is a way of living that is considering what is best for all life, without excluding anything or anyone, where each and all and everything is approached from a starting-point of equality and oneness, as this is the only way to ensure that nothing and no-one will be left behind. And here it already shows that this contains so many aspects to be looked at and how to do this, however if we are willing to be humble and to learn what ‘principled living’ entails, then what opens up is a possibility for change, because we, as the starting-point, are willing to learn how to change ourselves that eventually, will resonate into a change in the world, into a place that is best for all life, nothing and no-one excluded.
To be continued with self-forgiveness on the ‘fear of my passion’ that I describe here above.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: