Dag 442 – A physical experience of pure fear

Full quantum mind self awareness step 3

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It was a busy week with facing myself in some points related to control and ending up with a few days where in I was aware of participating in fear. I felt I was putting some strain on my body but was not yet realy able to stop myself within the moment. So I walked through, solved the point and my body started relaxing again. However, the next day I became ill, a headache and nausea started coming up during the day and reached it’s top in the evening. Here – same as I have experienced before – an experience came up as ‘this is unbearable’, by which I knew okay, hold on, keep standing within and it will open up. So I did. Here it was up to me to keep standing and not stay ‘focussed’ on a ‘point opening up’ in case I would keep myself constricted in ‘consciousness focussing on a point’. So I moved on with the normal daily tasks (which was in the evening and contained things like prepairing for bed) and here in the points came up as physical experiences of the fear that I had manifested within my body. The headache had in the mean time spreaden from the neck-occupy-bones throughout my head, within my throat, up to the nose and sinusses. Here it started burning for a moment, I could breathe in it, and it fade away. It moved like this through my head, the throat and fade away, until it came up within my chest and I felt a real strong burning, itching sensation, which I experienced as fear, pure fear. And so I experienced and realised how this headache and nausea and pain in the head, throat, sinusses, came forward out of an experience of fear within my chest, where in the moment that it happened, I had missed this within my chest, I experienced fear and adrenaline and restlessness but I did not experience the physical respons for what it really was. So I ‘got this back’ later. I Could quite easily walk through because the sinusses are not aerea’s where in I have build up chronic discomfort so there was no new fear connected to this. (The chronic discomfort I have build up within my intestines and is for further investigation how the fear manifested and misformed the muscle-tissue and mucus in there). One point is staying for longer as a slight headache around the left occupy-bone, which I feal related to movements within the intestine; I have this more often, I understand it is related to ‘reacting to reactions’ and I start seeing how it is related to constant activation in/as the mind but I am not yet clear on this point and have to walk this in specifity.

I have never experienced this fear so very physically within my chest and it made me clear how penetrating this experience of fear in/as the mind is.  So an occasion triggers/activates the quantum mind (related to a memory where in we have had an experience of ‘loosing control’ in/as the mind) which gives this experience of fear where in the body goes for a moment into a physical shock, as an inbreathe and not breathing through; the physical body ‘stands still’ for a moment at the moment of this activation of the quantum mind, penetrating the physical flesh. Which in itself is a very scaring moment. Scaring as frightening as scaring as making a scarf in the physical flesh within this moment of penetration. And so because we are not in breath but in a moment of an experience of ‘loosing control’ in/as fear, we are not physically experiencing what is happening within and towards the physical body, as we are kept within our own minds in a moment of ‘scare’ or ‘fright’ (schrik in Dutch).

This brought me towards ‘fear for this fear’, as ‘how can I stop myself from this moment of fright as an occasion that triggers this, will take place’. Where in I remember Bernard who said to me, when I asked him what to do with fear, he said ‘it’s a thought’. So I have to become aware of the thoughts within that moment in/as the quantum mind which would actually trigger my own fear, as thoughts are all little judgements which are very scaring, for myself and/or another. And these thoughts are triggered within an outside occasion on which we normally project on and connect towards the whole experience of fear that we have, and so within this, we keep ourselves dependent on these outside occasions ‘waiting’ for this fear getting activated.

I have to walk it back until I see how I create the whole experience and physical consequense, so that I can prevent myself from going into this, after first facing and forgiving myself within this while walking it in real time, for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself while creating this experience again. And if I see how I create it, I will be able to stop, forgive, correct myself and eventually prevent myself from walking into the same pattern over and over again and within this, prevent the physical body to go into the physical pattern as well which harms the body at the same place over and over again. I can give my physical body the neccasary nutrients to recover itself, but it is up to me to stop and change my patterns that create the physical consequenses in the first place. And when I am already within physical consequence I have missed several points and thoughts that activates the quantum mind and lead to this consequence and so this enlarge the pattern of fear, as in/as the mind it feels like ‘I am not able to do anything about this, it is beyond my control’. Which is the control of the mind; and in/as the mind, I exist in/as control, where in I will not be able to support myself physically as I will keep looking for ‘mind-solutions’, which are actually solutions in/as control, in/as limitations of the mind existing in and as energy, controling the whole physical body. Within this, I am locked in by my own consciousness.

This is as far as I am able to describe it at the moment. I will keep on walking this until I am totally clear on it and able to prevent myself from creating physical consequenses within my own body. If and when I am able to prevent myself from physical harm in any given moment,  I am standing stable and being trustworthy, for myself and for others in/as life. I will not know how long this will take and if I am gonna make it at all; I am only able to move on within this process where in I see the physical progress within myself with my own physical body as a point of reference, until it’s done.

Thanks.

(Note –  I write here ‘occupy-bone’ instead of ‘occipital bone’ as a mistake in writing from myself – see comment below this blog – however I leave it in as it is funny indeed how I made ‘occupy’ from it where being occupied with the mind-backchat may lead to pain/pressure around the area of the occipital bones in the back of the head)

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Dag 379 – Sexual Desire

I see in myself how I keep myself believing in illusions, just to keep myself satisfied, out of a fear that I will become overwhelmed with desire. In this case, sexual desire, related to the fear of ‘staying alone my whole life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself believing in the illusion of already having met the perfect sexual partner, and having experienced the perfect sexual interaction, and for this, being satisfied, eventual for my whole life, just in case that I will stay alone for my whole life, which by the way, is that one calls a sign of having met your soulmate, where in you will be ready to stay alone the rest fo your life, even if the ‘soulmate’ is not ready to live with you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself in and as a believe of having already met the perfect sexual partner and have been physical intimate with him, to keep myself satisfied, not seeing, realizing and understanding that within and as this believe, I suppress myself in and as my own potential and will to physically share with a real partner and not one in a memory and within this, I suppress my potential and will to explore my physical sexuality equal as the physical, in and as a mutual physical support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within this suppression, I suppress and compromise my whole physical expression in and as myself, no matter if there is a partner or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to become overwhelmed by sexual desire and not having a physical partner to explore this with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel to stay alone my whole life and within this, having no chance to explore the physical intimicy with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place physical intimicy with a partner above self-intimicy in and as my own physical, standing alone with and as myself no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise life in and as myself, and within this, compromising the life of others as life in general, just because of fear of staying alone my whole life and not being able to be physical intimate with a male as a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would be able to be physical intimate without standing in and as myself as self-support, and within this, standing in and as an eventual support for the partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate sexuality from being self-intimate in and as my own physical, and so within this, make sexuality an energetic experience, separated from my own physicality in and as myself in self-intimicy, and so within this, create my own desire for fulfillment in and as this energetic experience of sexuality.

*

When and as I see myself going into a memory as believe in having already been physical intimate with the perfect sexual partner, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I supress as protect myself from an experience as believe inside myself of missing out on something in and as a sexual desire.

I commit myself to in the moment, investigate what it and why it is that in that specific moment, I want to protect myself for in and as a memory of sexual satisfaction, to see, self-forgive and self-correct the believe in the illusion that exists in me.

When and as I see myself going into an overwhelming sexual desire of being physical with a male as a partner, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I desire an energy in and as myself as fulfillment, and so, there is a seperation inside myself that I need to fulfill with energy.

I commit myself to investigate what seperation exist in me in and as the mind, in and as a believe of what should be, related to relationships and sexuality.

When and as I see myself going into fear of being alone my while life, I stop, I breathe.

I realize I go into future projection in and as the mind.

I realize I might participate in and as a startingpoint of being alone as loneliness in and as the mind, and so I need to investigate what startingpoint as assumption or believe I participate in, with regards to the illusions as desires of relationships and sexual fulfillment.

I realize that if I fear to stay alone for the rest of my life, it also means that I fear the opposite as to stay together and give up myself as I know myself in this in and as self-interest, and for fearing this, I decide to stay alone as lonely, so actually I might fear my own misinterpretations as protection mechanism as control in and as the mind, to keep me prison in and as isolation, in and as the mind.

I commit myself to investigate the starting point of being alone, interpretated as loneliness, in and as assumprion or believe I participate in with regards to the illusions as desires of relationships and sexual fulfillment, which I use as a protectionmechanism.

I commit myself to investigate what it specific is that I protect in and as self-interest, in and as a decision in and as the mind to stay alone as lonely.

I commit myself to everytime bring myself back to reality in and as the realization that I always stay alone in and as myself, no matter if there is a male as a physical partner, and to investigate what it is that I hold on to in and as a systemized fear, in and as a believe, assumption or misinterpretation, that makes me go into separation as illusion within this.

I commit myself to investigate the points where in I am not staying alone in and as self-support, and instead of this wanting to fulfill myself with energy in/as a relationship in and as the mind.

I commit myself to give myself time in this and be patience in this with and as myself, to give myself the chance to really stand up alone, in and as self-intimicy, and walk this point effectively in and as myself, as I realize that I never was able to make a real decision as starting-point in and as self-will to eventual start a partnership, because of not being clear in my stand in and as myself, and within this, creating many relationships and break-ups as distraction in and as the mind, which manifested physically in and as constriction.

I commit myself to be and become comfortable with and as myself as physical equal as sexual and apply this in and as physical masturbation, and within this, stop the eventual sexual desires as energetic experiences that may come up, to be and become here, in and as acceptance of my own physicality.

Related article in Dutch about physicality as sexuality:

Full life review my life of co dependency

Life Review – My life of Co-Dependency

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Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

Dag 378 – Loneliness-1

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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

The evening before Roos died, I was participating in knowledge and information. And within this, I was not able to physically see what was going on and what was needed in that moment. I even believed that I was doing the right thing, altough I was not comfortable with and as myself that night. I believed ‘I had to put some lines’  and within this, put her back in her living space and decided to not check on her for one time. Several patterns came up in this, and I was gone, in and as the mind, going to bed. I felt a rush of adrenaline, I woke up 6 times. Oeps now I see, as I have noticed before, when there is coming up this adrenaline, I am doing something and/or want to do/want to say something in and as self-interest, in and as the mind. This time, I didnot even see this as a signal, I assigned it to a work-out lesson that I had that evening. I missed a lot; the mind was pretty much in control.

Afterwards there was no participation in guilt. I have participated in guilt many times, where actually I know that I am doing something in and as self-interest, but I decide to do it anyway with several reasons for it, and afterwards I experience guilt, in where the guilt gives somehow a better feeling again afterwards about doing this. The interviews of the Atlantean about guilt explain this very clearly. In this situations, when this happen, in the moment I am not really clear I am doing things in self-interest, but afterwards I see, oh yes of course, shit, that was not cool at all.

For the second time now since the starting of walking this process, I make a huge mistake within a believe that I was doing the right thing. So afterwards it’s like, wtf, where was I? How could I ever have done/have missed this? I was in knowledge and information. In knowledge and information, it was not such a bad solution to put her back in the space around her hutch, but it was a bad solution, because I look from the perspective of my own mind in and as memories, and place this on the moment in and as life here, and so I miss life here in the moment as myself.  I do not physically see what is going on, what is needed, I am not physically walking with the other being in and as myself, actually I am not here physically, but busy protecting myself in and as the mind in patterns that are triggered……participating in knowledge and information, trying to protect myself in and as these patterns. And so for this one specific moment, it was a bad solution, it was not best at all.

If I stop protecting myself in and as this patterns as memories, I have to see in these whole patterns, how I was in mistake in this my whole life, participating in and as control in the mind, and of course, the mind does not like this, and so, ‘throw up’ a huge protection mechanism, to try to survive in and as these patterns in and as a belief of having done and doing the right thing, and within this, harms life in general, from myself, from everything and everyone, and in this specific case the life of Roos. To become clear on this is the Gift of Life by Roos.

So, this whole pattern is opening up now. Because I can and do not will allow myself anymore to stay in this compromising patterns. It did manifest and manifests in very small things, and I somehow always put it back under the carpet, which was possible because it was so small, so ‘not seen’ and so ignored, by from my perspective, everyone around me where I grew up, and within this I gave the mind space to use this to ignore it myself in a way. Like half seeing it, working with it, and half allowing it as a backdoor. Because, if I decide to not accept and allow myself to compromise myself anymore, the consequence is that…..I stand alone.

And within this, the system and emotion of/as loneliness is showing it’s face.

*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself in and as knowledge and information in and as the mind, in and as memories or solutions from different situations, which I use now to put on this situation in and as knowledge and information, without seeing physically in and as this situation in and as this specific moment, as what is going on specifically in this moment in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a way to protect myself from being here, in and as the physical, in and as a eventual not knowing what to do and how to approach in and as the mind, which gives an experience of uncertainty and maybe even desperation in this, and so to stay out of this experience in and as myself, I use knowledge and information to direct myself, out of the experience in and as the mind and to direct the situation in and as the mind into my own approach of control, which leads to an ignorance of the specifity of life in and as the living moment, in and as breath.

When and as I see myself going into a memory as knowledge and information, to search for a solution to face a specific situation in and as this physical reality, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I am facing a situation that I donot know how to approach, and that I tend to reach to memories in and as the mind, to keep me out of this experience of ‘new’, of uncertainty, as never have done before.

I commit myself to allow myself to stay in and as a new situation in and as an experience of uncertainty, as only in and as this uncertainty, I will be able to find a new and living approach in and as a support of and as life, and within this, find the solution of life, in and as breath, in and as myself or eventual with the support of another being, to not give up on life anymore just because I don’t know how to do things but instead of this, stay here, breathing through the uncomfortability of the experience of uncertainty, seeing how to walk from here and taking time in and as this moment to be or become specific as aware of what is going on, and investigate and self-forgive in writing and/or out-loud the uncertainty and nervousness that is coming up in this approach inside myself, as I see, realize and understand that I keep myself locked in this pattern if I listen to the energetic experiences inside myself.

File:Uncertainty principle.gif

(Uncertainty Principle – Wikipedia)

Destonian Wiki

For Education and Support click on the links.

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http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
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Dag 357 – Lead by the eggleaders – Self-forgiveness

The Bee

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Dag 356 – Lead by the eggleaders (ovaria)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself lead by the eggleaders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the eggleaders for about 10 years, feeling as I had/have to use this, that I had to give birth to a child, just because this is a possibility and just because out of fear of missing something if I would not step into this opportunity, and for this, being busy for over 10 years with the cycle of menstruation and ovulation and finding a man and finding other opportinities to ‘give birth to a child’, where at the same time, I do not want to step into the system as how it is set up in this world with a child; where at the same time I fear being swallowed by the constrictions of living in this system, and at the same time experiencing how I already am constricted in and as a system within me that I could not escape by giving birth but what would give me the push to stand up in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give birth to a child as seeing this as the only possibility to stand up in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt so inferior of not giving birth to a child while the whole world seems to turn around this one point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my whole world turn around this one point of giving birth to a child, where in I saw/see at the same time that it was this ‘birthing’ that I was looking for, and not especially the ‘taking care of a child’ within the system in society as it exists at the moment, and so I was/am always devided in this point, which took me more than 10 years to investigate and walk through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devide myself by the polarity in/as the mind, instead of living in/as the moment as what is here to be lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I had the chance to step into a relationship with opportunity to have a child, to not step in, as it felt/feels like this is not it, this is not what and how I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused by what I want and what self-will is, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I am not confused, I am just not wanting to step into and as the movement of self-will as a final decision as a commitment, as within this, there is no way back, no backdoor existing anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I want to have a backdoor existing in/as the mind, to leave all doors open, just ‘in case of’, just for ‘you never know’, so that I can always step back when it seems like I made the wrong decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have been scared for a post-natal depression when and if I would get pregnant because there was some in this desire to give birth to a child that was not self-honest, as it was always about ‘being pregnant and giving birth’ and never about walking with a child to guide in this society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving birth to a child would give me the strength to stand up, as within this there is no choise left.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel some regret of not having an oppoprtunity to in this life living a life of a family, living in nature, walking in partnership with a child, in a world that is carefull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that living my full potential is not existing in taking care of a child perse, but more using this as an excuse to not live everything I see in this world for a long time already and stand up in this to make other people aware of the need to change, as when having a child to ‘raise’, I would be occupied with taking care of this one human, which gives little space to play a part in the education of humanity as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I am not able to walk both, as there is no time for this with regards to my age and with regards to the situation the world is existing in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my lead away to men as there is a men needed for giving birth to a child, and because of the age-limit in this, feeling rushed and pushy towards men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen men as something I needed to give birth to a child, when at the same time seeing that I was not ready, not able to walk a partnership in and as a real support and so not ready to give birth to a child, but because of the feeling like ‘there is no time’ and ‘missing a chance’ and ‘needing to do this’, I have pushed it many times, and within this manipulated myself and the male by/in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and/as the male in/as the mind for having a partnership soon because of a time issue lead by the eggleaders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use giving birth to a child as a way to give birth to myself, which is exactly the thing that I was so sick of what I have been used for, and because I was aware of this, I could, despite all my attempts to find a solution to get pregnant, I did none of them push through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand certain in my awareness of not willing to give birth to a child when I am not standing in and as myself and within this abusing and limiting the child in it’s expression, and instead of this, I let myself distract by/in/as the mind, lead by the eggleaders, making myself feeling miserable and ineffective and within this creating a lot of confusing within myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself miserable and ineffective, manifested on a physical level, by letting myself distract by/in/as the mind, lead by the eggleaders in/as dissatisfaction of my daily reality, which I made uncomfortable by myself, participating in and as this distraction and within this, manipulating, constricting, confusing and breaking down myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself manipulate by the system of reproduction, instead of leading myself here in every moment, breath by breath, seeing what is best and based on self-will and walking/living this, instead of pushing and manipulating out of self-interest, lead by the eggleaders as the system of reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel able to make a choise in this and taking real responsibilityfor myself in giving birth to a child, as seen in this writing that I was not certain and I knew this, and so push situations to extremes in a way to try to ‘let a situation decide for me’ while I already had found out to a certain degree that every action has a consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still create consequenses while knowing that I cause this, and within this not taking full responsibility of and for myself in word and deed.

*

When and as I see myself participating in/as fear of standing up, speaking up and directing myself in this I stop, I breathe.

I realise that I experience fear because this is new, never done, and so not known as the mind, and so the mind is giving thoughts as fear as a way of control.

I realise that I experience fear when and as I exist in self-doubt and thus I am not absolute certain, and so I need to investigate what I am missing in this in and as myself.

I realise that this is what I will walk, that this is not age-determinded, as I have had the possibility to walk a different way and give birth to a child, which I have decided not to walk, as I was not certain to walk it as self-will as there were always self-dishonest facts involved, which I walked through, so now I am standing at the beginning of standing up in and as myself, which gives an experience of fear as fear of failure, that we all have to walk through.

I commit myself to walk with and as myself, breath by breath, to take on every day what needs to be done, to see into this in self-honesty and with common sense, to ask for support when needed, and first of all, to support myself in this, to breathe, to write, to forgive myself, to embrace myself in this, to correct myself and to push myself to walk and live the self-correction, starting in small things, every day, with and as myself, and if I fall into failure, I stand up, I forgive myself, I investigate what happened, I walk on, realising that failure is only a failure when I lay myself down in it in acceptance, and otherwise it as an opportunity to stand up in it and walk through, step by step, breath by breath.

I commit myself to practise breathing to become more effective in stopping and walking through energetic experiences in and as fear.

I commit myself to walk this process of birthing myself as life in the physical, to push myself in this and dedicate myself to do what is in my ability to make this world a place worth living for all living beings and within this for children to come.

When and as I see myself participating in uncertainty with regards to a making a decision, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I am distracted by something in and as the mind that I need to investigate.

I realize that there is fear related in this and so I investigate what the fear contains and what judgements are related in this.

I do not allow myself to let myself rushed by time in/as the mind to force and manipulate decisions in this, as this will create consequenses for myself and/as others.

I commit myself to investigate what keeps me from being certain and standing in and as a decision, to write it out, to apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, until I am certain to stand straight and walk the decision in and as self-will, as what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow down, to breathe, to walk in and as self-support.

The Butterfly

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Redefining Relationships

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Proces van relatie naar agreement:
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Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 356 – Lead by the eggleaders (ovaria)

EierstokkenIn Dutch language, the ovaria is called ‘eggleaders’ (eileiders). It leads the egg to the uterus. Well, it does not only lead the egg to the uterus, it leads the whole life of a woman, and indirectly of men. So the eggleaders lead humanity. It lead humanity to give birth to another ‘person’ and we direct our whole life – directly or indirectly – into this purpose, or we resist this purpose which is enlarging this same purpose in general. However, it is directed by this system of reproduction, which is still a system, and we are giving birth to ‘new life’ as a system, because we have become one and equal as our mind consciousness system and we pass this through into the ‘new life’, so the new life becomes equal and one as a ‘new’ mind consciousness system, and this we call ‘new life’. mmmmmmm……….

We do not know what it is to birth life, to birth ourselves as life in/as/through the physical. Many woman have problems around the area of the ovaria, related to menstruation. Menstruation is described as many things, from ‘a problem’ to ‘something sacred’. During my study of natural medicine I wrote my whole paper about the cycle of menstruation. lol we were looking for a translation of the word ‘timeloop’ into Dutch, and the word cycle was also mentioned, which I actually see as a ‘wide or large timeloop’. So, the menstruationcycle is actually keeping us in a timeloop of fertility which repeats over and over again. mmmmmmm……..

Marilyn Monroe: The Human Design – Menstruation

Then should we not give life anymore to new children? It is not precisely like that. I would say, we first have to support ourselves to become able to give life towards/as ourselves, and within this give life on earth, before we are ready to give life to another human being through our body. Because we have to guide this new human being, we have to educate and support this new human being, to be able to become as life itself, life as being responsible, responsible for self as life, for life as self. And if we all do that – first educate ourselves and then pass on this education to the next generation, after a few generations, life on earth will change into a life-worthy existance for every one and every thing.

So, if we did already have given birth to another human being before we as ourselves were as life, then what should we do? Do we have to judge and blame ourselves for this? No, sure not. This is what we already have done for a long time, although we are not really aware of it. We start the same process; we start walking this process of taking responsibility for ourselves in/as the mind and giving birth to life in/as ourselves through the physical. We write, we apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, and we change in and as the physical, as only when we change in and as the physical for real, this physical existence will start changing. With or without kids, the process is exactly the same, for every one.

We have given our authority to the eggleaders and made this a point of self-interest. Listen to the butterfly, listen to the bee. The butterflies allign reproduction to and as life, as what is best for all, for all butterflies, in co-operation with the earth. The bees work together with the plants and the earth, they take care of each other in a way that they will not take and take and take to survive. They give and receive equally. They live in and as their utmost potential, and if this is no longer possible in any way, than they decide to pull back, to stop reproduction, as living less than their utmost potential what sense does this make? We call them ‘lower species’. mmmmmmm……….

PENTAX Image

We as humanity are not so smart. Self-interest does not make us very smart and is very short-sighted, it makes people blind. Blind for the potential that is existing in humanity as life, If and when we are willing to work together with and take care of everything and everyone; human, nature, earth, plants, animals, as what is best for all. Giving and taking equally. At the moment, we are not even able to take care of our own species as humanity; we do Not take care, we only take, and take and take.

Where is my authority? Oh my god, it is “lying in” my eggleaders! And I gave it away to men in/as the mind, indirectly, not directing myself but in my perception and belief, ‘lying’ all day to myself, so actually and of course,  I gave it away to my mind (consciousness system), to lead me over the edge. I gave it away to lead me over the edge so that I do not need to take self-responsibility, for who I am as have become, for what I have done, for all the consequenses I have created and/or accepted and allowed to exist, within me and without me.

Only I can stop the limitations as the edge, existing in/as the mind consciousness system, to be and become the potential existing within me, in co-operation with all living species existing in and as earth. because in this, in earth, in the flesh, we are all Equal, so if I become One with and as the flesh, in and as the physical, I become equal to all that is existing, including myself. We are all made of clay.

Are you looking for your authority as self-direction?

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Self-forgivenesses will follow in the next blog.

Authority is That which Life Grants Each One Equally, the Authority as Life.
There is One Authority on Earth now, which Stands Above all, that Dictates, which is Death. Death is the Point where Life is Authorized or Not, and to Get Authorized as Life – you Must, before Death comes: Be the Physical Evidence as the Living Flesh, as the Living Word – that you Understand the Authority as Life, as Equal, as What is Best for All – or You Will Not Pass Death (Bernard Poolman).

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 297 – Expressie en de Darm – The Inner Test

I had a chat with my buddy from the dip-pro course yesterday; I said I was irritated and my intestines feel cramped and irritated, and he asked:  Irritated intestines. So what is the inner test?

The Inner Test. This makes the irritated intestine more tangible.

Slapen cliparts

Problem:

I still sleep too long, and in relation to sleep I have created and build up several, well many limitations for and about myself. One of them is fear of tiredness. Not just fear of the experience – which I experience physical, as it is not really physical in source but it manifested in a physical experience – but also fear that if I do not listen to this tiredness and push through, I will ‘break down’ something in the physical and do harm to the physical.

Which of course is vice versa, the information I turned around in/as the mind, as by over sleeping and generating energy within this and judging myself for this, I actually harm the body, as the participating in/as the mind is what is doing harm to the body and not the pushing through lol.

Solution:

To write out the related topics to sleep and the patterns and fears that I created around sleep; investigate them, forgive myself the patterns and correct myself in this where in I create the ability for myself to stand up in this patterns and fears related to sleep within the support of myself.

Reward:

Having no more sleep than 6 hours and within this having more time to write and do the other daily tasks in combination with the job outside the house, and within this being satsified with myself in pushing myself to do as much as possible and so to push myself slowly but surely to the utmost potential of what I am capable of, which is the real inner test.

*

Let’s make a general start:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the physical experience of being tired, where in all my muscles feel so heavy and powerless, where in my eyes just want to close, where in I experience my whole body as just wanting to lay down and go back to sleep, where in I experience myself as unable to stand up, to put aside the blankets, to experience the cold, to sit down on the side of the bed, to breathe, to drink some water, to stand up and go to the bathroom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning after 5.5 – 6 hours sleep, just before the alarm goes off, and not wanting to stand up, altough in that moment I do not feel tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start creating a thought after the alarm goes off, and from this thought see the moment where I make the decision to stand up immediately or to lay down for a while and wait again for the snooze-function of the alarm which is 10 minutes later, believing that I only will lay down 10 minutes, but every morning repeating this pattern from in between time of 20 minutes till 1 hour, and so within this spend up to 1 hour more in bed, after which I stand up, already irritated by myself that I did it again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every night make the resolve to stand up immediately when the alarm goes off next morning, and really feeling like ‘this time I am really doing it’, and next morning again make the decision to procrastinate the standing up and using the snooze function of the alarm, for a short or a longer time, but snoozing is snoozing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe – although I know I lie to myself –  that short snoozing like 10 or 20 minutes is okay, and only long snoozing is not okay, not using the common sense in this that there is no ‘in between’ in making a decision, and as long as I am standing in between, I allow myself to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as an addict every morning with regards to the decision of standing up immediately after the alarm goes off, in which I use excuses that are really no different of the excuses that a drug-or alcohol addict uses every time, every day with regards to the decision to stop drinking and/or doing drugs.

To be continued

De serie Expressie en de Darm begint bij Dag 232  – (inclusief Disclaimer)

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/

Dag 279 – Expressie en de Darm – The One Point of Responsibility that I missed – Totally

Desteni-I-Process/Lite

Last week I could start seeing how I have missed the whole point of self-responsibility applied within relationships, which started within the first relationship, with the mother. I knew this almost my whole life, I knew I missed an important thing, but I didnot see how and where. Within the missing of this one point in this one relationship, I created all my relationships within this one point, especially the so called love-relationships. And following up on this it affected – and still does – my whole life, where it functions as a sabotage-point on every area.

I could start seeing within the whole line of creations within this during my life. I could see just over the edge, but I did not dare to see full into it. It was and is overwhelming and I experience(d) a lot of regret. Walking from relationship to relationship, leaving behind situations that had really potential, looking for, looking for, looking for more? It seemed looking for more, but actually it was looking for myself. Thinking/believing that within the situation that I was, I could not find it, so I had to move on. And within this creating emotions as sadness and feelings as hope.

But also regret about the relationship with the mother, which I based on this one point, and within this missed everything else, including her. I missed her completely, and this is how I experience it. I missed here lol her as myself, and so i was not here. Within this seperation within myself I created so much likes and dislikes, which reflects back on me in the relationships I choose and walked.

This whole situation accumulated and build up in layers within my physical body. This whole week my body was tight up, I barely could turn my head. This combined with a physical treatment with the osteopath 2 weeks ago, who supported me to come lower within my body, to the pelvic flore, where he said: okay, there is a bucket, you are standing next to it, you can just look right into it, and this sadness within the bucket is stored on your bladder. And I said, yes, I notice this, I will work with this at home. And so I do. He also said, it is hard working for you isn’t it? Do what is neccesary, it is like a delivery.

Desteni-I-Process

I understand now the endless sadness that I always felt, which I used as energy generation, where the crying was some kind of reward in this bucket of not taking self-responsibility, which gave me a sense of ‘moving’ as a replacement of breathing. It is an endless line of not taking self-responsibility and always putting away the last point of taking things back to self. Which actually is the one point that is not applied in religions, where the last One point of self-responsibility is layed aside, to ‘God’, to The Mind as The One, instead of taking everything back to self and become One as Life within as/Self Responsibility. In this way, we/I will always miss the one point, which is: mySelf. I as Self as the Solution. So it is the endless sadness of missing….mySelf.

I as Self am the Solution and the Responsibility for the Relationships that exist within me and from this without me. I at the moment exist as relationships in/as the mind. If I as Self take Responsibility within this, I am/become Self Responsible, and from this starting point I change the relationships within me, and around me, and so on in the world.

So the One Point of Responsibility that I missed is Self Responsibility.

I have become a very ‘responsible’ person during my life, which is actually a Personality of Responsibility. Because, if I am not Self Responsible, than what does it mean to be responsible? It means that I am responding to the other, so to the other=the mind. Which is no self-expression but expression in/as reflection, so in/as reaction on the other(=the mind). I was missing the point of communication within the last 2 relationships I was in, which is actually missing communication with and as myself in self responsibility and from this starting point of missing, I started a relationship.

I have to start in this one relationship. Which is the relationship with myself; where my reactions on some one else shows the seperations inside myself. Within the experience of immens regret, I still experience lots of resistance – probably even? – and I still want to walk away. I have to walk through all the layers within the physical where the thoughts as reactions are build up in/as resistance. If I walk away, I cannot walk through.

Walking this, I started the serie “Expressie en de Darm” a while ago, written in Dutch. Where (main part of) the control is physically manifested within the muscles of the Darm=Large Intenstine, which I am no day free of so far. Just how I created it.

De serie Expressie en de Darm begint bij Dag 232  – (inclusief Disclaimer)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up everything without investigating the total influence of this on my life and on m’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know the total influence, and to not want to take responsibility for myself in totality and within this, creating consequences for myself and m.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and create the feeling that I have lost everything and I did it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hardly can breathe from facing myself within what I allowed and accepted myself to manifest in this one point of relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never knew what regret really means without using justifications to justify it to make it ‘less worse’, until now, and this is what people probably walk and experience in totality, maybe 10x worse or more, when they walk their life-review after dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so arrogant because of how I grew up with free will and money to buy some free will, where in I did not really see what it means to have a house or not have a house and to be dependent on someone for this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really see what m was speaking about with regards to the house that we lived in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the potential of m, but to not come through this one point within myself, where the only best option I saw was leaving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave so soon because I knew that if I would wait longer, I probably won’t do it anymore, and I wanted to move alone 1 more time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to screw up myself within wanting something 1 more time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to know what it is to stand alone, and for this, believing so many times that I needed to move to stand alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like everythings stops at the moment, with me here, facing  a reality that I am not sure I want to be in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the reality I live in now to the reality I lived in last year, and this comparing makes me blind for the possibilities within the reality I live in now, because I only experience lost of what I had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a throat that feels blown up from experiencing regret within facing ‘what have I done’, without ability to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a not knowing if I will ever come out of this, because I am not able to change the situation anymore, so the only option is chaning me, and that is that I have never done before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to bring myself within a situation that really no other option is possible before I start changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a situation that I wished, which is stopping everything so that I can start over without any distraction, and now that I am facing myself within this, scare the hell out of me and experiencing regret and doubts within questioning if this was really neccessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a lover behind in my mind as a safe place to hide in, instead of walking one on one and really release the sadness and sorrow from the body, so that I will be able to really live love as equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare the hell out of myself with who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in myself without even noticing, ‘well this is your own good, you did it yourself’, and within this blaming myself for what I have done and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for what I have done and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of indifference out of thinking that it doesn’t make sense anymore because I missed this one opportunity.

When and as I see myself going down in facing myself in reality, within experiences of regret, I stop, I breathe. I allow myself to cry to release the pain and emotions, and I write out what I need within this releasing.

I realise that i have to face myself and walk the consequenses, and I realize that I had to walk consequenses anyway, no matter what way I would have chosen; that is why it was such a difficult decision to make.

I commit myself to face myself completely, and to forgive myself for what I have created and manifested from this one point of not taking responsibility as self.

I commit myself to not allow myself to go into blaming anymore and so to not create a new layer of seperation within myself.

I commit myself to walk slowly and carefully within every decision that I have to make, and to investigate in totality what is really best, from a starting point of self-responsibility.

I commit myself to care for myself and others from the starting point of self-responsibility as what is best for all, instead of from the starting point of free choice in/as energy.

When and as I see myself going into a sense of indifference because I missed this one opportunity in the past, I stop, I breathe.

I realise that I can walk in self responsibility this time, and that now that I face myself, I am able to forgive myself and to change myself within the situation that I live in, instead of changing the situation. I realise that by comparing past and present, I am still generating energy in/as the mind by holding on to personal preferences, and keeping myself away from the possibility to change.

I realise that I now make a situation with a male in the past as ‘the one’, and when I was in that situation with that specific male, I did the same with another male in the past and/or with a not known possible male in the future. So basicly I am still laying aside self responsibility to ‘The One’, as I described as is applied in religions, and I do it with the religion of love/relationships.

I commit myself to stop and forgive the personal preferences and to walk with what and who is here in the present as what is supporting me to stand up within and as myself.

When and as I see myself going into the past and making this situation/relationship as ‘the one’, I stop, I breathe. I see in myself what it is that I do not want to take responsibility for within myself .

I realise that I make the situation/relationship in the past as ‘The One’ to shift of my self responsibility, and because this One in the past is the only excuse I have left, I hold on to this in/as the mind.

I realise that if I am not seeing into my fears and/as resistances for taking self responsibility, I am not able to change myself within this.

I commit myself to see into my fears and/as resistances that I experience related to taking self responsibility. I write about it, apply self forgiveness, self corrective statements and self commitment statements, which prepare me for real change in reality in and as myself.

I cannot change the past anymore, I can only forgive myself within the past, and correct and change myself in the present, so that in future I will not make the same mistakes.

DAY 8: How do we Create/Manifest ‘Who we Are’?

Parenting – Perfecting the Human race

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/