Dag 777 – Future projections and what I find behind it

Here I am sitting behind my computer on writing day 777 and I do not have a subject to write about. I do see how my mind goes into future-projections almost automaticely and me following up on this and only when I bring myself here with clear words of common sense, like ‘hey, this has all nothing to do with what I am doing in this moment and where I am’. So let’s do some self-forgiveness on this fenomene of future-projections, as I see myself often going into this in several ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into future projections as scenario’s that may take place in the future, as well in positive scenario’s as in negative scenario’s, where in I see that I do it as a way to distract myself from where I am at the moment, in time and space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use future projections as a way to experience something inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself occupied within creating experiences inside myself, connected to future-projections that I make up in my mind, that may be realistic, however,  it doesnot make sense to use it different or more or other than as a practical guideline for myself and my life in what I would like to live and create and what is realistic and practical within this and for the rest, it only functions as a distraction in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use future projections to not admit that I am actually participating in a fear of that what I want or prefer to happen in the future, to not take place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feeling better than who I am and what I do in the moment, right now, by going into future projections that I would like to take place or happen in my life, as if where I am, who I am and what I do right now, is ‘not enough’ or not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never really be with my body and what happens within it because of going and being into all kind of scenario’s in and as my mind, related to the future or past, on long term or on short term, however, never really and fully being here in and as my physical body, as if this is not already enough to be with and as, as if the whole universum is not already taking place within and as all the organic functional processes in and as the universum of my physical body and myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and have separated myself from myself in and as my physical body and actually let my body do the constant working, without really seeing and understanding what and how my body do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel or have felt so much alone because I have separated myself from myself as life in and as my physical body and so, separated from the life in and as my physical body itself, by always wanting more and looking for more and somewhere else outside, in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak about projections, without really seeing, realizing and understanding how much I participate in future projections in and as myself.

When and as I see myself going into a future projection, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am going out of the moment and out of my body and shifting in and as the mind into a place where I assume that it may be better, in which I only make it impossible for myself to calm myself down or to be realistic with and as myself, because I do not see what it is that I shift away from and what makes me do so. I commit myself to take an inbreathe and stop, breathe out and bring myself here and look into and define what emotions I try to get away from and what I prefer to shift towards and from here, find a word that I can support myself with to live this ‘what I try to shift towards’ as an expression, right here and now, in and as myself as where I am at the moment in space, time and process.

In this way I will enable myself to make peace with myself in who I am and where I am in every moment of the process I walk and only in this way, enable myself to forgive and change myself into an expression in and as self-support and without the need to think or believe that ‘I miss out‘ on something ‘out there’ as where the mind is trying to distract me towards and away from myself.


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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

 

 

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Dag 775 – Building self-trust within the living of principles

Isn’t that what we are all looking for eventually? The certainty that we can trust ourself, no matter what happen? Having a self-direction on which we can rely in any given situation? This does not mean that we cannot ask for support when and as needed; this is also part of a self-direction, where we direct ourself towards an asking for assistance, as we do not need to see and ‘know’ everything alone by ourself.

I have noticed for myself that I am most certain when I know what to do and where to go and when and where to look and ask for support, if and when some unexpected issues are coming up. This is for example at work, where I am in an area that I am well educated in and within the activities, there are clear cadres of what needs to happen. Or I notice this for example when I am around with someone who has ‘the lead’ and who knows what to do and where to go and then most optimum if this someone is also taking the participants (and so me) into consideration.

I have noticed the opposite in myself in situations where I am without any cadre or subject to speak about, without anyone that I know, where I become all focussed on my own consciousness and how uncomfortable I experience myself within. So I have no ‘blue-print’ for such situation and also no ‘map’ as clear guidelines layed out.

And what to do then? Here I have noticed that it will be of support to at least, have developped some principled guidelines within me and having developped the ability to ‘fall back’ on myself within and as the awareness of myself in who I am and what I stand for.

What are principles?

Principles I would describe as ‘rules’ that are considering what is best for life as a whole – so the ‘life’ within as well as without. This is such a wide description, because we then first have to look and define what this life actually is and entails and how we exist as human beings within a mind-being-body trinity within and as ourself. Practically seen, it should be a rule that for example when we are with two, you and me, that I can bring in a rule that works for both of us with the focus on our being coming forward within and as our physical body, where in we actively align our mind with this self-expression.

What can be a practicle example: when you and me are going to share diner together in the evenings, and I have always diner at 1700 and you at 1900; first thing that comes up is to have diner at 1800 – that would be ‘fair’ and ‘in the middle’;  but what if you are only at home at 18.30, then this is practical not possible and I need to align to the hour of 1900 if and when we want to share diner. Then if my bloodsugar level is starting to give problems, meaning that my body needs food earlier to function well, then I can decide to eat a small meal at 1600 and then eat again at 1900 and I need some time to adapt myself and my body to this or, if I really find it difficult to physically adapt to this time, then we can decide to still eat separate.

This is a very simple and practical example and in reality, there is much to consider in all kind of situations. It is mostly working if both are willing to consider all aspects and to place ourself in another’s shoes so to speak but, what is vital in this, is to not feed that what we ‘prefer’ in and as energy in our thoughts, feelings and emotions and that we firstly look at a physical, practical outcome that supports the ‘physical life’, inside and outside ourself.

And this is where we all need to re-educate ourself, because we have been ‘educated’ to focus on ‘how we feel’ emotionally and on ‘what we think and what idea we have about something’; so we mainly have been educated to focus on ‘our own mind’.

Back to the topic of ‘building self-trust’ – within following our thoughts, emotions and feelings, we are not really building the self-trust but more, the ‘trust’ towards our mind in ‘how we feel’. And ‘how I feel’ is mostly different than ‘how you feel‘ and so it is difficult in this to come to an agreement that is supporting both our physical body and beingness-expression coming through in this. And, we also find that our emotions and feelings ‘fluctuate’, so I am not constant and trustable if I follow ‘how I feel’ in a certain moment, also because ‘how I feel’ is many times activated by an outside trigger-point and then a memory is being activated.

So, I need certain ‘guide-lines’ or rules that are based on what is best for myself in and as my physical body and that is taking into consideration how my mind-being-body relationship is set up and then how I need to direct myself in this towards an outcome that is substantial and long-lasting, for myself and/as others and/as this physical life as a whole.

This will then start making me trustable for myself as well as for others and in this, I will be able to build myself in and as self-trust; trusting myself as a living being in consideration of all living beings in and as the physical, starting within the very small within myself and in my direct environment.

Well, a lot to consider here and it is only possible to walk it as a process, breath by breath, day by day and every time expanding in awareness and understanding what principled living actually means in thought, word and deed.

Desteni I Process gives a practical guide-line in learning how we function and how to direct ourself within the mind-being-body relatonship and as example I place here My Declaration of Principle.

Embracing Self by Bernard Poolman


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 772 – Equality within principle

What is coming forward in this world is how ‘intelligent’ one is for example and how we within this, are feeling ‘better’ or ‘less’ than each other and all kind of gradations and related experiences within this. I was looking at the years now walking and working together with people from the group Desteni, that within living by principle and the application of the tools to support ourself to ‘honour’ the life within each living being and align ourself with this starting-point in thought, word and deed, there is an equality coming with and within this where in ‘intelligence’ is not important and not even so much visible; actually because every one is expressing oneself at best ability at this moment, pushing oneself to live by principle and honour the life within oneself and each other.

The same I have seen within for example an education that I have followed of natural medicine. This took six years and within this six years, I have slowly get to know all the students a little more, where I was more ‘in contact’ with a few and becoming ‘friends’ with them, however in weeks we spend together to practise the natural medicine for example, each of the same class, is coming more closer together and the differences or ‘likes and dislikes’ are slowly moving to the background and the appreciation and respect for each other walking this same path, is coming through, which is a uniting force.

We can ofcourse understand that everyone is made and part of the flesh – meaning we all have a physical body – and so in this we are equal and also every human being has a mind consciousness system so in this, we are all equal in this – common sense. However, in this walking by principle within a group, it becomes really visible how this equality is coming through within the interaction and expression of each one walking alone, yet together.

In this, the principle of ‘equality and oneness’ is becoming visible in what it means in the reality of this life on earth in each of our daily lives. It is like slowly starting to see ‘through’ all the veils of separation and comparison and differences within capacity and ‘intelligence’ and moving self towards this equality, that we all do know and understand in theory, but that has never before become a living reality here on earth.

What is possible in a small group of ‘students’ or ‘co-workers’ or ‘participants’ as I have described here, is possible in a large group as well – large as in ‘humanity as a whole’. But ofcourse, there are many challenges to find solutions for, because the separation that we all experience inside (within our participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings) we have created outside as well and manifested in a system that is based on separation and inequelity as well. So there is much that needs to be taken on and this will take time and some generations to implement. But this doesnot mean that it is impossible, altough it seems like there are ‘too many problems to overcome’.

The question in this for each of us is eventually: do we want to participate? Do we want to be part of the solution and stand and work together in this – coming from a starting-point of equality and oneness, in and as life and merely, are we willing to learn what this actually means and to ‘unlearn’ that what is not effective and supportive anymore for this life to come through in each of us?

Many on earth do not have the possibility and are too much busy with surviving and ‘getting some food on the table’ (where many do not have a table to put the food on), but those who have a computer and who are able to read this, mostly have the opportunity to start investigating who we are in thought, word and deed and how to change and align oneself in this to equality and oneness, to at least start to participate and doing our best to be part of the solution, firstly inside ourself.

Within the Desteni I Process it will become more clear what this process towards ‘Life’ means and what Equality and Oneness means and can mean in our daily life. It is a free course to start with.

Desteni I Process Lite

My Declaration of Principle


 


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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 730 – Pushing my self-honesty

self-honesty

“And also pushing your self-honesty, cause you may find that what you prefer and what you can live with, is not the same”

Continuing on opening up the inner conflict that I wrote about in the previous blog. Something existing in it that I did not get a clear sight on and so, this is part of the reason why I did not open it up before, not really, but only looking at it from a starting-point of not being willing to change.

I saw the conflict of what I can live with and what I prefer, however I did not place the word ‘prefer’ in this and was looking at it as a desire, which was not really describing it as I did not really experience it as a desire so I could not work with that.

From here I lived the situation in reality – this is what happens when and as I am not willing or able to let something go through writing and self-forgiveness –  where I started to live as ‘what I prefer’ in a certain point but noticed that I could not keep standing in this physically, it was exhausting me. I have learned to push beyond some limitations of ideas of tiredness and not being able to etc, so I pushed myself in this. However here I was using this application in trying to live what I prefer, until the point of conflict inside myself and reflecting outside in a relationship, where I from this point started to open up this point of inner conflict and found my self-honesty within.

This gives inner peace and self-satisfaction as a reference-point and so I have found something to expand myself in. Where I had a chat about this conflict playing out in my external reality in a ‘breaking up’ in a relationship and here, my buddy mentioned to “push your self-honesty, cause you may find that what you prefer and what you can live with, is not the same”.

This made sense and could land within me, as here I suddenly understood how I have to make peace with this fact of what I can live with that may not be the same as what I prefer to live with. So here, I am ready to bring this point into self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a point that I prefer to live with and within this, compromise myself in and as my self-honesty and from here, see my self-honesty disregarded and not recognized through others, through a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in my self-honesty in relation to a point that I prefer to live in and as with a partner but where in I see that I can not live with it like ‘how I would prefer’ as in this way it is exhausting me although I may want it so badly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sick of myself in this point of compromising myself in my self-honesty with regards to a preference of how to live a relationship, where from here I see it reflected that a partner is able to live it like that but in a point of inconsideration of other possibilities and more in a way of ‘wanting it the easy and nice way’, of wanting convenience from where I then feel inferior because I am physically not able to ‘live up with this way of convenience’ – on several dimensions – and actually it is also not what I want or prefer anymore but I do not want to loose this partner and I prefer to share something with him and if he is not willing to consider me in this, I will loose this point of what I prefer to share with him.

Here it doesnot mean that I then need to ‘break up’ with this partner but more that I need to stand up within and as my self-honesty and from here, opening this up with the partner and lay out what I am able to and what not and from here, give him the choice to walk with me in this or not and so, taking the risk to ‘loose this partner’ and so to loose this ‘sharing that I prefer most to do with him’.

This sharing is still possible, also from a starting-point of self-honesty as here it is more in consideration of my own physical and so of physical reality as a whole and for the other it would mean a consideration of another being in and as the physical and so of his own physical and physical reality, meaning seeing and moving beyond only our own preferences and start living what is best for all.

For this, one need to be ready to give up some created energetic experiences and behaviours and activities and so if one is not willing or ready, a break up will follow (or takes place in advance to prefent looking at a point of self-interest).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and being rejected because of bringing forward a point within self-honesty that another is perhaps not willing to consider or resisting to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself within and as my self-honesty and so reject myself in my self-honesty and from here, create this form and experience of rejection in my outside world in an intimate relationship as a reflection of the relationship with myself, inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start blaming the one who is rejecting me as a reflection of my inner rejection of my own self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear voicing myself in and as self-honesty where then the fear should come forward out of and existing as a point of judgement and rejection of my own self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘hate’ towards myself about this point of compromise within and as myself (where in it is practical to look at ‘hate’ as in ‘building up angryness’ in – what I find very clear – ‘points that I did not yet have taken responsibility for’ and from here, this accumulates in and as the experience of angryness into or towards the experience of hate – towards self actually but if we are not willing/able to bring it back to self, we will project the experience of ‘hate’ onto something or someone outside ourselves, like as in ‘I hate my partner when he does this or that’).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience real shame about how I have rejected and ignored my own self-honesty, within trying to live what and how I prefer, in and as an idea, in and as the mind that I have appaerently created within and as myself with regards to relationships.

Why do I write this in a blog of Wholesome Journeys under the category of ‘the influence of a spastic colon’?

Because I have manifested this pattern within and as my colon with spasms, as a way of physical expression that is compromised by a mind-pattern that I have integrated within and as my physical body. In this blog I write more about how my mind consciousness system is implemented in my physical body in a way that it influences my organs and organ-functions, which I can use now as a reference-point to face my own self-limitations and neglection of my self-honesty.

In next blog I will write more about the physical dimension of the pattern that I opened up here.


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

When and as I see myself going into ignorance of someone who is asking for my attention, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I step automatically into a pattern of ignorance, before I have even seen what it is that is asked for.

I realize that I cannot see what is asked for, if I ignore the one that is asking something and/or if I ignore what is asked.

I realize that I fear something within this moment, that I can investigate within myself, but that in this moment, I need to put my awareness to the being that is asking me something, without paying any attention to my own preference in relation towards the being that is asking for attention or to my own preference in relation to activities that I would like to do or not do.

I realize I turn my own attention around and within this, place it into self-interest related to preference within this, instead of placing my attention to the being, tp life, that is asking for it.

I commit myself to breathe, and within breath, turn myself to the being that is asking for attention, within the realization that the being may need something from me in that specific moment. I listen and see what it is that the being asks me, and if I don’t understand the question within, I just stay here and breathe, I eventual apply self-forgiveness on what is coming up inside myself. If I do understand the question within, I see within myself what it is that I can do, what is my potential, what is practical possible, what is my self-will and what is my self-interest, and what is it that I see as best for all.

When and as I see myself going into reaction about poo on the floor or other dirt that I need to clean up, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I fear to become overwhelmed by dirt, which is actually dirt as energy as energetic reaction in and as the mind, and within this, physically paralyze as not being able to clean it up.

I realize that I have programmed reactions towards poo or dirt that I can stop and investigate inside myself.

I realize that the mind is putting up patterns as ideas as sabotage as control, and that within this, I believe that I need something to protect in and as myself, which is not so, it is just energy that wants to stay alive in and as a compromise of life in and as the physical substance, as this is the only way that energy can exist because of it’s dependency on the physical, on substance.

So I realize that I compromise life when I listen to the call for protection in and as the mind.

I commit myself to approach the dirt as poo on the floor in common sense and see how I can prevent it in common sense without compromising as controling the expression of life within this, and for rest just clean it up.

i commit myself to clean up the energetic dirt in anda smyself as existing energetic reactions, by investigating, stopping, and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself, in any situation, going into preference in relation towards living beings, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that this is pre-programmed and based on energy, visible in appearance, looks, smell, noise, taste, feelings, ideas etc.

I realize that I become blind and compromise (myself as) life, when and as I follow my preference, and that this will lead to harm life within it, where life is equal, in and as the other as myself.

I realize that this is automated and so that it will take time to walk through this patterns ans stop and self-forgive the specific patterns of preference.

I realize that, with trusting on preference, I seperate myself, I ignore life, and so, in and as seperation, I isolate myself, and so create my own experience of loneliness.

I commit myself to stop and investigate preference when this is coming up inside myself, in relation towards a living being, and see within this what it is that I seperated myself from.

I commit myself to investigate the experience of loneliness further on and within this, go on listening to the Atlantean video’s about the system and experience of Loneliness, as a support.

When and as I see myself going into preference for activities to do, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I as the mind prefer specific activities to feed the energy in and as the mind, and feed the energy by creating resistance towards activities that the mind dislike, as for example cleaning up the house.

I commit myself to make each activity as comfortable as possible, which starts with my own approach of and awareness in the activity needs to be done.

I commit myself to investigate my own reactions towards specific activities, to see what it is that gives the resistance, so that I stand up equal to my own control and self-manipulation within the resistance, which harms life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm myself in and as life, by controling and manipulating myself in and as a preprogrammed and a developped programmed pattern of preference towards beings and activities, and within this do harm to another life as life in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have compromised and harmed my physical body in and as a believe in self-manipulation and self-control, in and as preference in and as the mind, wherein the harm towards my body makes me feel so tired and exhausted that I use this as an excuse to continue with the pattern in and as the mind, in and as preference, wherein I am no longer physical able to do the labour that I do not prefer as dislike in and as the mind, and so keep myself alive in and as preference in and as the mind, and wherein I even experience myself as unable to listen and give attention to someone thats askes for my attention and eventual needs my support, or just simply wants to express as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squeeze myself in and as my physical body and take my own breathe away, by living in and as the preference in and as the mind, just as how we squeeze and take the breath away of the Physical Life on Earth for the benefit of the preference in and as the mind consiousness system existing in each human being.

I commit myself to stand up in and as awareness to educate myself and humanity in how we function as a mind consciousness system in and as preference as self-interest, which is leading to the destruction of life on earth, which is something that we need to stop as soon as possible and change into support of Life in and as the physical in equality and oneness, which starts within ourselves.

I commit myself to move on with writing, investigation, self-forgiveness and self-correction, to see where and how I specificely harm my own physical body towards the state of exhaustion, related to the idea of preference in and as the mind, where in I realize that this is a way to walk during time, through unpleasant experiences of exhaustion where in I will tend to mislead myself in and as the mind, and so I need daily application of and as myself to support myself within this, where it is only in this daily application that I will be able to change, day by day, breath by breath, in and as small steps.

I commit myself to investigate within myself what is self-interest, what is preference, what is self-will and what is best for all, as as long as I do not have a clear perspective on and as myself in this, I am not able to be clear towards life in and as myself, but will start compensating the compromise I have made in myself at first hand existing in and as self-interest, and so mixing up self-will and self-interest and within this not seeing and so not acting as what is best for all life.

I realize that this is what Roos is standing for as Life, as she was always clear in and as herself as who she is and what she wants, without acting differently towards others in and as hiding something, and so she was even more clear when she became bold and walked around through the whole house, small and vulnerable, and at the same time being strong in and as herself as life. Not making compromises towards self as life.

The Gift of Life by Roos.

Full atlanteans the beginning

Atlanteans – The Beginning

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
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Zelfeducatie free:
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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

PENTAX Image

Day 374 – How Every Breathe Counts

In the beginning when Roos came to me with her mother (some one brought them to me), she was not my ‘favorite’. She reminded me of patterns that I react on in myself, Of course I took care of all the physical needs from the beginning and ‘liked’ her as an animal, but there was something that I kept distance in, I ‘let’ her in a way. Her mother was ‘my favorite’ and it always seemed that Roos took care of herself, that she did exactly what she wanted without ‘paying attention’ on her surroundings and that she didnot need so much attention, although she was very present herself. In the last year of her life, it came to my awareness that she also wanted to have some ‘extra attention’ as some support in her expression. So we started this, I made a flower remedy for her, as I do sometimes when an animal needs some assistance. And from that moment we walked together and it was really fun. She became old, and lost her hair, so I had walking a very little, half bald quinea pig in the house. She lost her ‘beauty’ as her pelt. I took her with me more often and after eating and treatment for her hair, she was sitting against me, and she liked it to sit like that, I think also because she had less hair, so some hands around her gave some warmth and protection. Within this, I started seeing her, and seeing her means really liking her expression. Sometimes I had reactions on her bald appearance, and sometimes I had reactions on her poo all through the house.

This point of preference is related to the evening before she died. Because I was looking into myself, would I have ignored Roy (the male quinea pig) the same for one moment if he would ask for my attention so prominent? Would I not check on him one more time before going to bed? As I see it, the answer is no. So, to my shame, I notice that preference has played a role in my behaviour of self-interest as ignorance the evening before Roos died.

Which leads to my behaviour of preference towards human beings, especially related to my mother, and my ignorance in this towards her callings for attention. My behaviour in preference towards ‘males’ which I see as more ‘relaxed’, and from which I want attention, and in this ignoring the attention from the female who was prominent around me (my mother) and or males who are showing this behaviour. Placing my trust in males who are not asking for attention, where I see this more ‘relaxed’ as more responsible, from which I see now, this is all just an appearance and interpretation, they have not yet taken responsibility, and putting my trust in them, has always lead to compromising myself as a betrayal of myself, ignoring myself in and as self-honesty. All because of getting away from ‘too much attention on me’ from the female in my life as my mother, to which I reacted so much that I did not see another option than ignoring and walking away, and within this, of course, wanting attention form another being.

And so, I reacted in and as these points towards Roos, the evening before she died:

Preference, which I was busy correcting with Roos, but did not yet stop completely.

Getting away and ignoring too much asking for attention from a female (or male with the same behaviour)

Reactions on her poo in the house that was thinner and more that evening

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let play preference a role in my behaviour as care-taker for Roos the quinea pig, the night before she died, and within this, made a decision in self-dishonesty to not look at her for one time before going to bed when she was lying quiet under the hay and to not listen to her persistant call for attention before she jumped into the hay and became quiet, and so ignoring life as myself as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop, ignore and walk away form persistant asking for attention, out of a pattern of ‘closing myself of’ when a female (or male) is asking too much attention in which I do not know what she (he)  wants from me, and instead of breathing, staying here, and really listening and seeing and within this finding out what is going on, I automatically walk out and close the doors, locking myself in, into my own space, and locking everyone else out, to not face this uncomfortable insecurity of not knowing what the other living being wants from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really listen to Roos right before she died, and within this, missing her gift of life towards me of giving me the opportunity to stop my patternal mind-behaviour and being here with her, receiving what she wants to express unconditionally in and as life, although I maybe do not understand her completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of not accepting this gift of life and failing in taking care of her in the last moments of Roos the quinea pig, to not feel worthy to accept the gift of life anyway, which must be build up in this way, in and as an experience of so much ignorance and fear of failure within this, that I feel like unworthy to accept the gift of life towards and as myself and within this, prefer to fail on forehand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer to fail on forehand out of fear of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to accept the gift of life by stopping the automatic energetic reactions in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to hear and understand what Roos wants in that moment of persistant asking for attention, and so rather lock off than opening up, not seeing, realising and understanding that just because of locking off, I will be unable to see what is here, and just because of reacting in and as this locking off, I keep myself locked in as encrypted in and as my own mindconstruct, just as it is constructed and set up as a system to keep me as a human being prison and in control, in and as the mind, to keep me away of standing up in and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the signs as encryprions of the mindsystem in what could have been a moment of awareness, sharing and real care-taking in and as life, and within this, looking away from my own potential in and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself afterwards for looking away from my own potential in and as life, and in this again, looking away from the gift of life that is still here, given by Roos with her life, as something that I can decide to accept in every moment of breath and so change myself within this breath by breath in and as self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is ‘too bad’ what I have done, and so feeling unworthy to decide to change, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of ‘too bad’ – in Dutch ‘te erg’, is an experience in and as enERGy which makes me feel like ‘te erg’ as ‘too bad’, and so keeping myself enslaved again in and as these enERGetic reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see males who are not asking for attention, as more relaxed as not asking for attention and translate this as more responsible, and so seeing ‘relaxed’ and ‘not asking for attention’ as responsible, in which I start wanting the attention of these appaerently relaxed beings, and within this walking out of my own self-responibility as a female in and as compromising myself to get from and give attantion towards males who are relaxed as not asking for attention, where in this case, I compromised the life of Roos as a female quinea pig who was asking very persistant and prominent for my attention by going into reaction in and as the mind and within this, missing out on the request of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept the attention I get from females and/or males who are asking for and also within this, giving me a lot of attention, but instead of this, out of a feeling of being uncomfortable and ‘not knowing what to do with it’, turning myself towards males who are not giving attention at all but walk out in and as self-interest, although their intention is ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust on intention – which is in and as the mind – instead of on practical daily interaction and physical proof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like all the poo on the floor, the night before she died, which I used as a reason for putting her in her own space with some wood before it for that evening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself get distracted by the poo on the floor that became more that evening and thinner, and reactions in myself on this as being dirty and not hygienic, and within this going into control in and as the mind and within this, not listening to Roos, asking for my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like getting overwhelmed when the house gets too dirty, and at the same time having difficulties with pushing myself to clean it all up, and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting overwhelmed by myself in and as the mind with no physical moove anymore as cleaning up the house, within and as an experience of it as ‘being too much’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the thoughts and reactions in and as the mind, is what is getting me really dirty and not some poo on the floor in the house which I can clean up afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable as it ‘being too much’ to clean up all the dirt in and as the mind, and so fear getting overwhelmed by it, and from that being unble to physically move, and so instead of stopping the dirt in and as the mind, in and as reactions, I suddenly start controling the dirt on the ground in the house, existing in and as fear that otherwise it will never stop and so become too much for me, which is a projection of experiences of myself in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my experiences in and as the mind, on the physical existance, and within this, controling life in and as self-expression in and as the physical.

*

So far for today.

I will walk the point of lonelyness / fulfillment and specialness / making relationships personal in blogs to come, as well as self-commitment statements.

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
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Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.net
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Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/