Dag 719 – 7. The moment of truth

This blog is related to record 7: The moment of truth

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push away the support that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional when I listen to the record and see how gentle the support is offered even in a situation that is not optimum or what the other want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how it is for the other to not have any say in the the situation of having the child let to be born or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions for myself from a point of survival in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider ‘myself and the child’ but not the male involved, coming forward out of a situation that is not grounded and build in trust and stability but more used as a way to fulfill a part of my self-interest and even within this, use ‘how it would be for the child’ as an excuse to not really consider myself deep within, same as how I am really not considering another as self deep within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first set something into motion as that I want deep within, without considering everything and everyone involved and see how ‘that what I want/would like’, how I will be able to slowly build this in consideration of everything that is involved but instead, when I have is set in motion and created into physical reality, see the consequenses of what I have created and from here, pull back, not being willing or knowing how to to push through and walk into reality with what I have set in motion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to support myself in a constructive way within the physical consequenses that I have set in motion and from here, pull back as the only way that I see as solution that I am able to live and so go from ‘willing’ to ‘not willing’ anymore to move on with what I have set in motion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself, others and life itself by first setting something into motion, create a spark of life into physical reality and then pull back, when and as I see everything that is involved that I have not considered on forehand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sort of ‘amputate’ a part of myself within myself as not continuing with ‘that what I really want’, within and as the belief ‘that I cannot do that’, where in I actually and simply have not considered all and everything that is involved on forehand and so, I may be able to ‘do that’ if and when I start considering myself as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need to ‘amputate everything’ because my starting-point was not in consideration of myself as a whole as what is best for all, myself included and instead of then continue walking with what I have created already and change this into a situation in a best possible way, thinking and believing that I need to ‘stop it all’, to ‘delete it all’ and ‘make it away’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use resistances that I experience as an excuse to ‘make things away’ and disappear and within this, disappear within myself, in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use resistances that I experience – in a way where I ‘push away that what triggers experiences of resistance within me’ – as an excuse to ‘make things away’ and disappear, instead of bringing the experience of resistance back to myself, investigate the origin and forgive myself for separating myself from the origin within and as myself.

When and as I see myself participating in a tendency to ‘amputate’ or stop or ‘make away’ something that I started that I then see later is not best for all, I stop and breathe.

I realize that we create a lot from a starting-point that is not yet best for all, in consideration of ourselves and life as a whole, because we have programmed and been programmed in a way of self-interest and it takes time to walk this back, to forgive and change ourselves in this and where in the physical consequenses that we create, shows us where we are not aligned with ourselves as life as a whole, with our ‘integrity’ as life. I realize that this doesnot mean that i need to ‘amputate’ everything and that part of myself but that it actually means that I need to embrace, understand and forgive myself for that part of/as myself.

I commit myself to embrace, understand and forgive myself for something that I create and set in motion that appears to not have been created from a starting-point of myself in my integrity as life as a whole, in consideration of others as life involved and I commit myself to from here, see how I can change this consequense as creation in a way that is now supporting life and considering the life and/as myself as a whole – meaning considering all aspects within me that I see related and moving within.

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘push away that what triggers experiences of resistance within me’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the resistance that I experience is showing me a part of myself that I have separated myself from in a moment of ‘loosing control’ somewhere in my life and so, it is showing me ‘where I need to be’; so pushing it away is not a solution. I realize that an experience of resistance in/as the mind, is more a distraction as a temptation of myself in programming, to not see beyond this programming so it is ‘a program protecting itself’. I realize that this program is not really me, but within the program, I have channeled a part of me, of myself as a being and so, I need to bring myself back here towards and within a starting-point of self-direction.

I commit myself to support myself to find, name and forgive the thought as control-mechanism within and as myself myself and to name and forgive myself for participating in the activated energies as related feelings and emotions coming up.

I commit myself to use my body as a point of support and cross-reference for this process while laying down and gently pushing on places within my body that are constricted and that are coming forward – where in my body brings up that what I have missed from/within myself – and here sounding self-forgiveness on thoughts and emotions that come up, without trying to ‘relate to it’ immediately, as I have seen that ‘the sense in it’ will come forward sooner or later, while or after I am supporting my body to release the stored energy.

I commit myself to support my body to support me, through every day taking some time to focus on only breathing within and as my physical body and to continue doing so, no matter if I will be distracted very fast or if it will be long or short, I will do it again and again.

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Previous blog: 6. Decision in a split second

Next blog: 8. Feeling like ‘going of my path’


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Dag 186 – Atlascorrection – aligning the physical

Yesterday I went for a treatment to Breda. It is called Atlascorrection. It is a treatment of correcting the first cervical vertebra, called the atlas. This vertebra is a little bit more broad than alle the other vertebras laying under it. In 99% of the human the atlas is not laying straight. Meaning, it has two small points which fit exactly in two little holes, but it is not laying in this holes. This has an effect on the whole spine, the hips and pelvis and on the legs, and on different organ- functions because through the hole in the middle of the atlas there are a lot of nerve-paths that do not have enough space if the atlas is laying wry/on one side.

The atlas is having this wry position because of manipulations during birth, other manipulations during life or manipulations because of defensemechanism which triggered a reflective movement within the upper muscles of the neck later in life. Interesting is that it also can be that this atlas is not laying on the right place from birth and that if it is corrected within the woman, there are children born with who it is laying on the right place. They connect it within this with something in the DNA. And after asking some more the woman who treat me says that there is ‘a theory’ that it is programmed like this – the atlas laying wry – by the Annunaki? I am not familiar with the terms they use and which theory is behind this race within other information than through the portal within desteni.

Before going to SA I decided to go to a treatment like this because of different physical complaints that can be related to dysbalance within the atlas and because of my hips that are twisted and getting worse. I saw this treatment, read something about this atlas not straight from birth, and my first impression was, this has something to do with the programming of the mind.

Well I went there, and although it is a woman who is working with terms of Light in her other treatments, she was very straight, clear and practical in her way of speaking and acting and of course only speaking about this atlascorrection because that is what I was coming for. She explained that they give a deep massage to the muscles around the atlas, the muscles can relax and within this the atlas go to the right place, within the small holes, by itself. No manipulation of the vertebras. She also checked first how the atlas is standing and showed me how it was not standing straight with different physical signs that she cross-referenced with each other. Yes it was not straight and yes, this I noticed already for a long time.

The massage is giving with a small machine which goes deep into the muscles, and it hurts! Especially when the muscle is very tight because of the incorrect stand of the atlas, trying to correct the body within this. By me, it always hurts on this place, this is one of the reasons why I knew I had to go there for a treatment. The treatment is short, a few minutes, and she is holding the head with her other arm which gives support in the painfull massage. After the massage she checked again with me and the turning of the head was alligned, the legs where laying in the right possition, I am standing directly more straight and stable in my legs and in more aware in my pelvic, standing more straight on earth. I was a little overwhelmed because of the pain, which afterwards is actually gone besides some sensitivity left of the treated area. My experience is that it is finally standing straight, and not only the spine, but something within my whole body which I was correcting all the time but not able to do so. But of course doing all the things possible to find a balance. I also noticed when I was outside again traveling home, that it seems like I am looking more to the right side, which is actually straight ahead, but because before I looked more to the left, it seems now like I am looking a little to the right. it’s like I suddenly see and want to see the right side.

There can be reactions and corrections within the body for up to a year because the body has to correct itself within this new standing, which can be supported with other treatments, and ofcourse by applying self-forgiveness and self-corrections to align the mind with the physical within this process. Most of time it is a permanent correction of the atlas, as it lays on the right position it stays there.

Let’s see how it goes.

Next day I was listening to the interview of The Consciousness of the Butterfly 1. The Butterfly is speaking about DNA. About how the body was within the sound-symbols within the DNA not meant to cooperate in its full potential, to devellop physical communication in the most potential,  but that it is programmed with the purpose to generate the most energy possible for consciousness to survive. This is exactly how it is with the atlas not standing straight and what I noticed within myself related to this: I was generating energy all the time by trying to correct myself in/as the physical in all possible ways and creating frustrations/sadness and more by experiencing not being able to do so. The investigations about this atlascorrection show that correction of the position of the atlas corrects something – the sound-symbols? – within the DNA as some children that are born (not all) by woman from who the atlas is corrected, are born with a straight position of the atlas.

It is not really clear to me if the the atlas is already wry when the baby is coming out of the womb, or that it is manifested later in life. The influence of the program as consciousness, as what they here call a defense mechanism which triggers a reflective movement,  is part of this position of the atlas, and as far as I can see it is depending on different factors, from mother, child, pregnancy, DNA  and devellopment and eventual accidents during lifetime on earth, in which way it manifests and where it starts.

It is a treatment that I can really recommend as a support to align yourself within the physical, where in the physical and mind can function together, supporting each other as Equals, as Life.

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