Dag 744 – 23. Abusive relationships and dependency

This blog is related to record 23: Abusive relationships and dependency

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on another being that comes through me and/or that I come through and from here, creating consequences for myself as well as for possible others to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within dependency, create a consequence for my ability of decision making, that I can not make a decision in common sense anymore but only following up on a consequence in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this state of dependency by thinking, speaking and acting as if I am ‘independent’ which is actually a form of revenge within and as myself for not finding what I am looking for within my dependency in/as the mind on another being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am independent and making decisions, while I am actually depending on thoughts, emotions and feelings and following up on this within my decisions, thinking and believing that I make ‘my own decisions’ and not seeing that I am actually following a program in/as the mind consciousness system integrated within and as my physical body and my being following up on this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘be proud of my independency’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is more an isolation within and as my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dependent on another for my own well being in/as the mind, while my physical well being is even being compromised by my own behaviour and inner experiences to try to ‘not loose’ the one I feel dependent on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first stand by and with myself and then if I feel my reactions coming up in/as the mind, starting to doubt myself in what I at first decided.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start doubting myself in what I decided instead of taking responsibility for the reactions coming up within and as myself and stand equal to and with this and from here, see if I need anything to align as a dimension to consider as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my reactions determine how things will move forward, which they do if I do not take responsibility for it within and as myself so that I can move myself forward towards oneness and equality as what is best for myself as life as all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will loose something or someone instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only loose that what I have make myself dependent on in/as the mind as an inner relationship that is not best for myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another will not take care of the inner relationship which creates consequences that are determining the outcome in a negative way up until ‘loosing each other’ and so, I rather tend to stay in a dependent relationship, trying to fill the gaps that I think and believe that another may not be willing to stand in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to here not see how I loose myself within a dependency in/as the mind, projected on another being within a relationship by trying to fill in the gabs and so, the further I loose myself within ‘filling the gabs’ as what I perceive as ‘gabs’ within my own thinking, the further I loose the possibility to clearly communicate with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and find solutions for another, instead of asking another what he/she sees as a possible solution and find solutions for myself in my own experience in/as the mind in a moment of trying to fill a gab as finding a solution for another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within a relationship with another, tend to ‘step in’ or ‘step out’ when I see that another is not taking responsibility within a specific point and so, creating a dependency within and as myself that I then later on want to ‘break up’ and step back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hardly be able to breathe within dependency on another or within dependency from another to me and at the same time, being busy creating this dependency myself and so, sufficating myself in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to here become very tired and almost dizzy and fuzzy and clowdy and almost blank in what to forgive in this.

When and as I see myself going into trying to find a solution for another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I better ask what the other sees for him/herself as solution for that moment and then perhaps add a suggestion or not.

I commit myself to find a solution for myself in stopping and directing myself in a moment of reaction of trying to find a solution for another, by supporting myself to breathe, to step back within and as myself and to first define what I experience and forgive the experience as well.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of panic when and as I see that another is not taking responsibility in a specific point, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not need – or will not be able to take responsibility for another but rather, take responsibility for my own experience as being first and foremost a living example of standing with and as myself.

I commit myself to breathe, step back and ‘catch myself’ so to speak in an experience of panic coming up where I then can and will further define where the panic comes from and why it comes up in this moment, to embrace myself and stand with and as myself within this moment that I may not know what to do or where to go and this is then fine.

When and as I see myself stepping back too far, as a reaction of fear towards what I see as a missing of responsibility in a specific point in another, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have made myself dependent on the other that I react to in fear and then fear loosing the other when he/she is not taking responsibility within and as self, where I then fear to loose myself or that part of myself that I have made myself dependent in, onto another being.

I realize that I can only react ‘in fear towards what I see as the missing of responsibility in another’ if and when I did not take responsibility for myself in a specific point and so, I react because I am falling within this ‘missing’ of a part of myself.

I commit myself to keep standing within a reaction of fear, to not step forward or to not step back too far  but only stepping back within and as myself and from here, stand a moment within this position of not knowing what to do or where to go.

I commit myself to take on the challenge of stepping into the unknown of myself, while stopping to make myself dependent on another for my emotional well-being and at the same time, being aware and taking care of the inter-dependency that exist within relationships, as making sure that each participant is or will be considered equally in what each may need in that moment, which I can only clearly see when and as I stop reacting to a  fear of loosing something or someone, within and as myself and find that piece within and as myself that I missed and from here, bring it back to myself, in and as self-responsibility.

A process to be continued

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Previous blog: 22. Looking back without considering the mind

Next blog: 24. Expecting another chance


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 741 – Can I learn to empathize?

Certain people are ‘by nature’ more empathic than others. It can be so because of how one has grown up; it can be pre-programmed. This doesn’t automatically mean that one is doing ‘what is best for all’ as then again, one can be for example ‘over-empathizing’ and forget to take care of oneself.

However, what if you notice that you do not really be emphatic by nature and so, noticing that this has consequences for others and for self as well? What if you ‘don’t feel’ what it means to be empathic, if you do not ‘feel’ what others may need for example and so, easily walk over others without even noticing?

I can start with an example of myself in this. I can say that I am empathic by nature, I also am a female, who often have learned to develop some empathic qualities. However I have also noticed an aspect within myself where I easily and automatically, could let someone ‘drop down’ or ‘fall down’, within the thought/believe that some can or should take care of that aspect within themselves, without looking further within their nature for example and seeing if they may need some support in this.

Within this, I did not ‘feel’ that I ‘wanted to help’, coming from a starting-point that we each should take care of ‘our own business’, as how I have developped this within myself. What I did feel in this, is quilt, for not being helpful enough, for not giving enough, although no one really had said such things to me. It was more existing on a subtile level where I somehow saw that I could do more but I did not (want to) do this and did also not know how to take this on. With the consequence that I also found it more difficult to receive ‘help’ from others as I found that I did not deserve this (because I was not giving it eather).

So this gave a subtile conflict within myself on the background that was interfering within my social interaction and communication in many ways.

I have in real time walked a path to correct this; first with animals, where I for years, have taken care of quinea pigs and rabbits that became older and needed a lot of support where I had ‘to give it my all’ to get them through as long as possible. I also have walked a relationship with someone who needed a lot of support that I ‘did not feel like giving’ and that I actually ‘did not really want’. But, I did, because then I already understood what it means to start walking by principle. Understanding meaning that I understood the theory of this.

With the animals, I had to step out of an experience of feeling paralized and not being able to take action, also related to a limited amount of money to spend for physical support and from here, not knowing where to start when an animal became ill for example. I have walked many situations with these beings and it was amazing to do this. What was supporting me here, is that I did want to do it for the animals as I really and naturally ‘like’ the animals but I had to step over idea’s of ‘how much you spend and do for an animal like a rabbit or a quinea pig’. Strange idea’s, as if these little animals deserve less care than a bigger animal or a human being. But there was also a fear of ‘not having enough for myself’ in this as a point of self-interest existing within me.

Within the relationship, I learned to walk it because I could see the consequences of what would happen if I would not do the best I could and especially I learned how this would reflect back on me within myself, staying busy with doubts and questions about myself, where experiences of guilt were keeping me busy and eventually ending up within the need to ‘go back and correct myself’ and do it over again. We can also call this a ‘timeloop’. I mainly experienced this whole pattern as a ‘fear of loss’ within me and so, the ‘fear of loss’ did have been the motivation to push myself to do better and still does in many moments – to eventually and while doing so, come to a point of creation, free from this experience inside myself.

But, I did not do this because it felt natural or because I naturally wanted this. I did do this because I had learned – while walking this relationship – what it means to walk in principle and I saw I could do better. So I did not need to ‘feel’ it but could make the decision to walk it anyway, to support another (and so myself) where I can within my capacity and of course from a starting-point of common sense,  to not ‘help’ another with things that another need to learn for self but to support where another did not yet have developped an effective application and where I did not have developped this as well and so, ‘supporting another’ was/is the development in itself for myself as self-support.

This is the great thing about principled living, that in the end, the self-support is supporting another and supporting another, is supporting self.

Why am I writing this blog?

To bring forward that if and when we do understand what it means to walk by principle and when and as we have made the decision within ourself to stand by this and do and develop this every day again, that it is possible to learn for example what it means to live ‘empathy’, not because we ‘feel empathy inside ourselves’ and whatever this may mean, but from a starting-point of ‘giving as you would like to receive’ and ‘considering another’ from a starting-point of principled living within equality and oneness, where every living being deserves to be treated with support where needed and where self-honestly possible.

When I had walk through all of this (it took several years all together), I did came back to my self-will about what I want, within my life, within a relationship and with who I want to walk this, while testing what is practically possible and taking the time to see who I am willing to stand by and walk with as myself and who is willing to do the same with me. However I did have to let go of personal preferences for several years, to be able to stand up and keep standing within my utmost potential and the challenges that this gives every day.

So, empathy does not so much contain an experience or a feeling – although it can be a starting-point for those who do experience this naturally. Empathy can be practically learned and applied within a starting-point of principled living as what is best for all. These principles, they can be described, tested and cross-referenced within a self-agreement and from this agreement with and as self, it can be expanded towards an ‘agreement’ with others (family, friends, colleques, intimate relationships), as simply ‘rules’ that are considering all participants in a way that does not leave anyone behind without being heard or seen but at the same time, supporting each other to create a self-responsibility and self-dependency where needed, to be and become able to stand on our own two feet.

There is much more detail to write about this empathy. Here is a link where one can start walking this agreement within and as self, by first understanding the theory of how we actually function as a human being and also a link to a document where the basic-principles are described and commited to stand by. Without this support, I would not have been able to stabilize and grow as how I did so far and I am very much still learning and expanding in this, still with the support that is available within Desteni and that is practical and applyable in our every day live.


Proces van zelfverandering:

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 660 – Allow yourself to loose

loss-win-photo

I was having a chat yesterday with my buddy from the DIP Pro lessons. Here came forward a situation where I experienced and participated in a form of competition within myself. And the suggestion here to “when you are in a competitive situation where you want to win at all cost – allow yourself to loose. Try it, it’s liberating!”.

I recognized this and also how I did start allowing myself to ‘loose’ a few days ago and how afterwards, my body could go more into relaxation instead of going more into strain. But some days afterwards I also noticed the strain coming back.

This morning I saw myself participating in thoughts and from here, emotional experiences that were going to become overwhelming. Snoo the cat was around and had already supported me to stabilize within myself some hours before. Here I saw myself going again into overwhelming emotional experiences; she was sitting near to me and I knealed in front of her and looked into her eyes, really into her eyes while I let the experience come. What came up here within me were these words: ‘allow yourself to loose’; I felt the depth and meaning of it and here the emotional ‘pain’ passed by.

I saw how I am constantly participating in a mental competition of winning and loosing and trying to not fall into the loosing experience and I saw how I on a very deep level have defined relationships as the relationship-game where one will ‘win or loose’. Winning or loosing as a battle between the partners/man and woman, but also related to this the ‘fear of loss’ as a fear to ‘loose the relationship/partner’. This is how we in our mind, actually have being programmed and allowed ourselves to be programmed and program ourselves with regards to relationships and especially the intimate relationships, which is related to sex  and/or money. As a relationship game. There are several interesting blogs written about here.

So here I find myself busy with ‘fighting’ against an experience of loosing which in itself has nothing to do with the contents of the relationship itself and with the beings that are involved including myself. So the experience of winning and loosing – and this on different dimensions – is what is colouring my whole interpretation.

I see that allowing myself to loose is allowing myself to open up (and eventually let go) a character that I created as the winning team; well as the ‘trying to win-team’ or ‘avoiding the experience of loosing-team’ I would say.

To be continued with self-forgiveness.

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Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES:

“I commit myself to show that the Hidden Agreement between Characters to Perpetuate the Lie of the Illusion is “I’ll Support your Character if you Support my Character – therefore, we are Friends. And if you Don’t Support my Character we’ll be Enemies for Life, because you’re taking the Life from my Character by not Supporting it. I’ll rather Kill your Character First, before you Kill my Character.” It is the Survival of the Fittest Character for this Game of Life.”

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Proces van zelfverandering:
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www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

Dag 651 – Is human nature corrupt and if it is, how can we change this?

corruptie

Let’s have a look at the very small examples of corruption that takes place on a daily base within the aspect of corruption as briberay. We know the corruption world-wide that has to do with using money to get something done that the one with the (most) money wants, without considering if this is best for all that are involved in/as life. So corruption here can be described as an action of self-interest, within the interest of one or a very few.

How is it that we ourselves use corruption in our daily life? Isn’t it so that we are all familiar with corruption from a very young age? As for example a promise of a desert if we first eat our meal, or the promise of a candy if we co-operate with a task that needs to ben done. This is actually a form of bribary with a reward in it. It is not teaching us why it is best that the meal should be finished or why it is best that the task should be done and it has also no possibility within to see for the child itself, what the responsibility is within. It learns for example that ‘I will finish my meal for a nice desert’ or ‘I will co-operate so that I can have a candy’ which is a limited reward-system actually.

Here we see that corruption entails a ‘reward’ without considering the consequenses from doing this in a ‘corrupt’ way – corrupt meaning, not considering the responsibility that needs to be learned and lived, if we do want a result that is considering life as a whole and all that is involved.

Then what is here the solution? The solution is not so easy because these small examples of corruption (with the use of rewards involved) are often related to a lack of time to teach, to make mistakes, to co-operate, to make a nice meal from certain food or to investigate why a meal is not finished and find solutions for this, because many of us has to run to make money to survive, which can also be seen as a ‘reward’ within a – more or less – corrupted system. So we are all involved into this corrupted system related to some form of reward of ‘no money no life’ and this needs to be turned around to make this world a better place for all. Not to judge or ban each and every ‘reward’ in itself, but more to learn and see what a reward-system is actually build from, so that it can be used from a starting-point of common sense and in consideration of what it entails.

A way to start with this is to start recognizing this pattern within ourselves and then not go into self-judgements, but going into a self-forgiveness of participating in a corrupt system within and as ourselves. The fact that we participate within corruption in and as ourselves (or easily being tempted to participate) may sound cruel at first, but if we really see direct and with common sense, we all have to come to the conclusion that this world is build of relationships and relationships are formed by human beings and human beings, that are you and me.

So, saying that ‘we have nothing to do with how the world exist today’ is not grounded within common sense but more based on ignorance of how each of us is responsible for how this world exist today, most of us through a passive acceptance and allowance more than an active creating. We are all participating in it through money, electricity and water for example so we are part of it and we are inter-related within this physical existance on earth. From here we can see a bit further into human nature, and if we really do this within ourselves within self-honesty (so beyond the corruption as dishonesty as how the mind functions), we will see that how the world-system exists today, is a reflection of how we exist within ourselves, each one of us, in different aspects that all together ‘create’ the outside world, through relationships.

A solution to start with is to start within the very small, within ourselves and learn to see how we are using corruption to get what we want, to reach a certain goal without consideration of the whole and what is best, but more from limitations and hiding behind excuses as ‘having no time’ but also from a point of ‘really not knowing how to do it differently’ because we didnot learn this, we did not get the support that we all needed and need.

It’s time to teach and support ourselves to create relationships that are best for all and everything that is involved, as this includes ourselves. Meaning, that if we do something from a starting-point of self-interest, it eventually is also not best for ourselves but compromising ourselves in the way we compromise others. We are part of the relationship, we cannot exclude ourselves from this. The ones with a lot of money can still do so, that is where corruption is used on a large scale. However no one will have a narrow excape in the very end, although it might seem so for a while or even for a longer time. But corruption, it is actually done from a pretty limited view and it ignores how we are all inter-related and it’s definitely not getting the most potential up and rising within this world, within each human being and within and as life in general.

Corruption is used as a way of control or as a way to seemingly get out of the control; without seeing, realizing and understanding that within using the same ‘control-mechanism’ as corruption is that we want to get away from, we still limit and control ourselves within and as this very control-mechanim that we use and apply.

Only if something is actually strong and wise, control is used as a mechanism to suppress the strength and wisdom within, to suppress the expression of life actually. So realizing this, we can also start realizing that there must be something more within ourselves, within each one of us, if control is used on such a large scale.

There is  a very effective and structured way to open up these control-mechanisms first within ourselves, to understand and forgive ourselves within and from here, make room for correction, within ourselves/within the relationship with ourselves, from here within the relationship with those around us and so eventually spreading out, to the relationships that the world-system is build of.

It is not the whole picture ofcourse because the world-money system is very intriged and build as a closed system, so there are changes needed on a very large scale. However, one can start within self, simply because someone has to start and only each one of us can make this decision for oneself to do so.

Investigate this free online-course to stand up for /within oneself, within the recognizing of the potential that each human being (and life as a whole) can be. Which, if we will be able to (together) build a world from this utmost potential as what is best for All as Life, is the greatest Reward that one can imagine.

“There is Help, there is Support – if you Dare to Investigate. So, start with DIP LITE – it is Free, with a buddy to Help you to Break through some of the Points. But it will require Extensive Study. Whenever somebody claims they are Enlightened, know one thing: Enlightenment was part of the Script, Enlightenment isn’t Real. You cannot become Enlightened, from the perspective of some form of Consciousness – because, that will Separate you from your Responsibility as Life and you will Never be Self-Honest about what you really do.”

“Do Investigate, Test Self-Forgiveness, get to Understand Self-Honesty. Do Not Listen to your Thoughts, and your Feelings and your Emotions – they are your Guards of your Jail Cell. You are just in a Prison, ‘Pry Son’ – you are the Son of your own Design, you are the Creator, you are Playing God. But all of this Playing God, is all an Illusion of Self-Interest – where you Place your Interest before Life. That is Unacceptable.”

See also: Part 4Part 3Part 2Part 1
sleutelgat encryption
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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

 

Dag 414 – To be Right – Self-Corrective Application

https://i1.wp.com/www.impactopleidingen.nl/images/communicatie.jpg

Day 413 – To be Right

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself in a moment participating just before making a decision ‘to be right’ and so, about to decide that I, because of this perceiving to be right, can step in convincing another being of ‘my right’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I do not have ‘a right to convince another’, no matter if what I speak about is infact so.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself about to go stepping into the mind in and as a convincement, to stop, to breathe, and to within breath, take a moment to be silent within myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself observing this one moment of checking within myself if ‘this is the right thing to do’ before stepping in a convincement, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I am right before making a decision in and as the mind, and as long as I am ‘before’, it wil be easier to stop and direct myself, and this observing is already a sign that I am ‘about stepping in’, which is a sign that I need to slow down myself, breathe, and take a moment to see what is going on inside myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I am ‘feeling one and sure’ about stepping in a convincement, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I am already participating in and as a convincement in and as myself, in and as the mind, which I am about to force on another being without taking the whole situation, myself and the other in consideration, otherwise, I would not feel the ‘urge to convince’ another being. So I stop, I breathe, I keep the moment within myself for further investigation from all dimensions before pushing through a point.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself focussing on another being while observing a point that is not aligned, to stop, to breathe, and to first check within myself if I am aligned with and as myself, and within this, being able to communicate a point clear and stable. If not, I stop, I breathe, I commit myself to first investigate the point within myself and for this moment, letting go the point within another, where in I realize that if I am not aligned, I am not really able to communicate effectively but instead create energy within myself and the other and enlarge a friction inside self, others and within the situation.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in an experience of ‘not knowing how to make this point clear’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I make the point unclear by pushing and forcing and convincing in and as the mind, so I better take a breath, slow down, and see within the moment or afterwards how communicate the point effectively without being in reaction myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself disregarding little and large signs within myself of not taking everything into consideration by pushing through within a tendency of ‘wanting to be right’, I stop, I breathe, where in I realize that I participate in and as the female-ego as ‘being right’, which is mostly coming up when I am participating in fear of loosing control in communication, and so, I commit myself to investigate what the fear is that is hiding behind the female-ego coming up as wanting ‘to be right’.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in and as a fear of ‘being wrong’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that I must have participated in and as an convincement of ‘being right’, where in I create an experience of being wrong, and so, I need to slow down myself and investigate how to move on within this point.

I commit myself to, when and as I feel it as ‘unfair’ to stop reacting when and as I am in an experience of ‘being right’, to stop, to breathe, where in I realize that there are dimensions to investigate inside myself that gives an experience of  feeling unfair’ which I try to correct within this one moment by convincing another of my ‘being right’. And so, I commit myself to investigate the memories related to this ‘unfair feeling’ experience within myself, so that I can correct myself in and as writing and application of self-forgiveness and self-correction, instead of trying to force a correction within one moment in and as reality.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself giving up myself in and as reaction, to stop, to breathe, where in although it might ‘feel right’ to step in within this one moment, I need to use my common sense – which will ‘not feel right’ at this moment, but which is using common sense in and as the awareness that reacting is not a solution in anyway. And so I stop, I breathe, and instead of ‘forcing my will upon another’, I stand up in and as self-will, in and as a force within myself, to stop myself within reaction, to stop compromising myself (and another).

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into a reaction again in and as a convincement of ‘being right’, to take the point into writing, to investigate, self-forgive and see what dimension(s) I have missed and not yet effectively forgiven myself, where in again I correct myself, in writing and in daily living, every time again, and so moving slowly in and towards effectively living in and as self-correction, in and as breath.

I commit myself to investigate where I go into submission in and as identifying myself as ‘a female’, and so within this, create a ‘need to be right’ within and as myself as a female-ego, so that and where in I forgive and correct myself, step by step,  to be and become one and equal as life, free from limitations in and as the mind related to gender-mind-constructs.

*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and compromise myself within and as a limitation of identifying myself as a female, and from this on go into submission, where in I create a believe to ‘having the right to be right’, which is actually a revenge for all the moments of submission that I have experienced in and as myself in and as identification with ‘being a female’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into submission and use this as a starting point of manipulation, where from this position of submission it is not so easy to be seen and so I have ‘free space’ to subtile manipulate in and as the mind to ‘get what I want’ as the only way I know, not seeing, realising and understanding, that within this position of submission as a starting-point in/as a personality, I have given up myself and my life-force, fully, and so I am in submission towards my own mindmanipulation in and as the creation of energy, where in I cannot even see where this submission starts, because I have become this position, in and as the mind, where in I experience the compromise within my physical body every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my physical body every day by going into submission in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will only be listened to if and when I become angry somehow, because I have not seen an example of direct communication and direct listening between male and female while growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a feeling of love because there was no real communication, and so a ‘feeling of love’ was the only thing that I believed as ‘keeping the connection’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that a feeling of love is enough and that communication is not needed in the first place and/or can follow up/be developped from this ‘love’, while actually it’s the other way around, that communication is the first thing to start with, and only from that starting point one is able to establish a mutual understanding of self and/as the other, and from there, to learn to live ‘love’ practical in/as equality instead of feeling love in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a mutual feeling of love is the thing to build a realtionship on, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that the starting-point of walking in/towards equality is communication, and as long as the starting-point is a feeling of ‘love’, the starting-point is actually manipulated in/as a feeling in/as the mind, keeping each other at a distance in and as fear of manipulation, as how the ‘nature of love’ is in and as itself.

Self-investigation to be continued.

Source: http://www.tenantscreeningblog.com/

Agreements
Re-Defining Relationships

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 378 – Loneliness – 1

Word Web

I have made a wordweb around the words loneliness, alone and aloneness on paper and applied self-forgiveness on the ingredients and connections out loud.

Here I move on with self-forgiveness on my relationship of positive feelings with 1 person (as a partner and only as company)  to work with the polarity that exist in the experience in loneliness and the search for fulfillment in relationships.

Feelings with 1 person (when being in a partnerrelationship):

not feeling alone as lonely

feeling carried

feeling like I have succeeded

feeling part of society, like joining in

feeling accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feeling alone as lonely when being with 1 other person in and as a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel carried when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have succeeded when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like part of society, like joining in, when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel accepted when being with a partner.

Feelings when being with 1 other person (not in partnership but as company):

joy

more light, not so heavy, able to self-reflect with humour

able to laugh

not so lost in the mindstructures

excited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel joy when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more light as not so heavy and able to self-reflect with humour, when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as heavy as alone when being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience alone to heavy by connecting the word alone to the word heavy and within this, connect myself as being alone as heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and experience myself as being alone as heavy, and within this believing that nobody wants to be with me because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nobody wants to be with me for a longer time, because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every one who is with me for a longer time, becomes heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be able to laugh when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not so lost in the mind-structures when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excited when being with another person as company, in which I compromise myself as going ‘out of myself’ and within this, not being aware of what happens in my physical body in and as reactions which gives physical constrictions, and so within this, create a polarity of wanting to be with another human being and at the same time wanting to be alone, as not creating constrictions, where in I actually alone also create constrictions in and as the mind, in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create constrictions in and as reactions towards my own mind-patterns which I suppress in and as myself, to not feel all these reactions as rejections inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns, alone and when being in company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself in and as the mind, and to be surprised everytime I see someone else in what I interpreted as happily expressing in and as the mind in full convincement, in which I think, how is this possible, and then start creating energy myself in and as reaction on this, and so, do not like myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction, and in this way, keep myself busy with reactions all the time, in and as judgements, experiencing myself as unable to stop this, and so isolate myself in and as being alone, looking for a relationship in and as the mind and at the same time being without company, so that I do not react so much on what I see as interpretation outside myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction and so that I do not see who I have become in and as self-judgement, projected outside myself, in which I think, how is this possible, until I decide, it’s enough, no more compromises which harms life as myself as life and within this having only one option left, which is standing up, standing alone, in and as self-investigation of who I am, have become and can be.

*

When and as I see myself going into reaction on somebody outside myself, I stop, I breathe.

Actually I donot know why I react in that specific moment, I basicly see it as a pattern, just reacting because of the sake of creating energy.

I realize that I cannot be here with myself if I judge everything inside myself in and as reaction as projection on the outside world.

I commit myself to stop reacting in and as the mind on somebody outside myself, and breathe.

I commit myself to investigate what happens in the moment of reaction inside myself specificely, to investigate, see, self-forgive, write out, what it is that I react on and/as what I judge in this in and as a reaction about and as myself, as a judgement about myself.

I commit myself to stand equal as accepting myself as who I exist in and as the mind, no matter what it is that I see, so that I can stop, embrace, stand equal, self-forgive and actually correct myself into a living being in and as the physical, breath by breath.

I realize how I have walked from the staring-point of not wanting to stand alone, and that I am not able to reach the bottom as grounding myself, as long as I am constricted in relationships in and as the mind, in and as emotional reactions and suppression.

I realize that I connect myself in and as emotion towards other emotions of other people, when actually it is not my emotion and I am not emotional about it but becoming emotional in and as this connection, just because of feeding the emotions.

I realize that I am walking in and as the mind in constrictions as assumptions, and within this, constrict myself in and as relationships, in and as the mind, in which I react emotionally in and as judgements, and manifest this reactions physically in and as the large intestine, in and as control.

I commit myself to investigate the assumptions in relation to alone, loneliness, relationships, and push myself to see beyond the balance in this in and as the mind, in and as a believe in what I have learned in this world as ‘real’ without questioning and investigating this to the bottom.

I commit myself to investigate the assumpions about relationships and standing alone to the bottom, so that I can reach the ground and stand up from the bottom, in and as a starting-point of self-honesty.

Winged – Exploring Self Intimacy

….Then I look within me and I realise: That I had deserted me through the manifestation of that which is not real: Judgment – and here I see – that I had done what I had become: That which is not real and desertion: Judgment as that which is not real I had become because I believed the lie that judgment is real and desertion of self because I deserted me through believing that judgment is real – and then manifesting this judgment within me, manifesting this desertion within me –which had become me as my entire world – as my entire experience as the desert of desertion and the mirages of what is not real…

Here I see – I finally see – that this desert is me – I manifested this desert as me because I deserted me – here I see – I finally see – that I these mirages are me -I manifested these mirages because I believed that which is not real is real: Judgment…. (Winged)

(For interviews as support with regards to the experience of loneliness, click on the links in the writing above).

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

The evening before Roos died, I was participating in knowledge and information. And within this, I was not able to physically see what was going on and what was needed in that moment. I even believed that I was doing the right thing, altough I was not comfortable with and as myself that night. I believed ‘I had to put some lines’  and within this, put her back in her living space and decided to not check on her for one time. Several patterns came up in this, and I was gone, in and as the mind, going to bed. I felt a rush of adrenaline, I woke up 6 times. Oeps now I see, as I have noticed before, when there is coming up this adrenaline, I am doing something and/or want to do/want to say something in and as self-interest, in and as the mind. This time, I didnot even see this as a signal, I assigned it to a work-out lesson that I had that evening. I missed a lot; the mind was pretty much in control.

Afterwards there was no participation in guilt. I have participated in guilt many times, where actually I know that I am doing something in and as self-interest, but I decide to do it anyway with several reasons for it, and afterwards I experience guilt, in where the guilt gives somehow a better feeling again afterwards about doing this. The interviews of the Atlantean about guilt explain this very clearly. In this situations, when this happen, in the moment I am not really clear I am doing things in self-interest, but afterwards I see, oh yes of course, shit, that was not cool at all.

For the second time now since the starting of walking this process, I make a huge mistake within a believe that I was doing the right thing. So afterwards it’s like, wtf, where was I? How could I ever have done/have missed this? I was in knowledge and information. In knowledge and information, it was not such a bad solution to put her back in the space around her hutch, but it was a bad solution, because I look from the perspective of my own mind in and as memories, and place this on the moment in and as life here, and so I miss life here in the moment as myself.  I do not physically see what is going on, what is needed, I am not physically walking with the other being in and as myself, actually I am not here physically, but busy protecting myself in and as the mind in patterns that are triggered……participating in knowledge and information, trying to protect myself in and as these patterns. And so for this one specific moment, it was a bad solution, it was not best at all.

If I stop protecting myself in and as this patterns as memories, I have to see in these whole patterns, how I was in mistake in this my whole life, participating in and as control in the mind, and of course, the mind does not like this, and so, ‘throw up’ a huge protection mechanism, to try to survive in and as these patterns in and as a belief of having done and doing the right thing, and within this, harms life in general, from myself, from everything and everyone, and in this specific case the life of Roos. To become clear on this is the Gift of Life by Roos.

So, this whole pattern is opening up now. Because I can and do not will allow myself anymore to stay in this compromising patterns. It did manifest and manifests in very small things, and I somehow always put it back under the carpet, which was possible because it was so small, so ‘not seen’ and so ignored, by from my perspective, everyone around me where I grew up, and within this I gave the mind space to use this to ignore it myself in a way. Like half seeing it, working with it, and half allowing it as a backdoor. Because, if I decide to not accept and allow myself to compromise myself anymore, the consequence is that…..I stand alone.

And within this, the system and emotion of/as loneliness is showing it’s face.

*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself in and as knowledge and information in and as the mind, in and as memories or solutions from different situations, which I use now to put on this situation in and as knowledge and information, without seeing physically in and as this situation in and as this specific moment, as what is going on specifically in this moment in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a way to protect myself from being here, in and as the physical, in and as a eventual not knowing what to do and how to approach in and as the mind, which gives an experience of uncertainty and maybe even desperation in this, and so to stay out of this experience in and as myself, I use knowledge and information to direct myself, out of the experience in and as the mind and to direct the situation in and as the mind into my own approach of control, which leads to an ignorance of the specifity of life in and as the living moment, in and as breath.

When and as I see myself going into a memory as knowledge and information, to search for a solution to face a specific situation in and as this physical reality, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I am facing a situation that I donot know how to approach, and that I tend to reach to memories in and as the mind, to keep me out of this experience of ‘new’, of uncertainty, as never have done before.

I commit myself to allow myself to stay in and as a new situation in and as an experience of uncertainty, as only in and as this uncertainty, I will be able to find a new and living approach in and as a support of and as life, and within this, find the solution of life, in and as breath, in and as myself or eventual with the support of another being, to not give up on life anymore just because I don’t know how to do things but instead of this, stay here, breathing through the uncomfortability of the experience of uncertainty, seeing how to walk from here and taking time in and as this moment to be or become specific as aware of what is going on, and investigate and self-forgive in writing and/or out-loud the uncertainty and nervousness that is coming up in this approach inside myself, as I see, realize and understand that I keep myself locked in this pattern if I listen to the energetic experiences inside myself.

File:Uncertainty principle.gif

(Uncertainty Principle – Wikipedia)

Destonian Wiki

For Education and Support click on the links.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/