Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

 

Continuing from Dag 765 – Abandoned

Abandoned

After sitting with myself and the cats, speaking self-forgiveness on what is coming up within me while focussing on the area of my physical body around pelvic and lower belly area:

Ovaria’s; at the high of

Not feeling worthy as a woman without having children

Like failed

Not on a consiousness level but deep stored within me and even not knowing where it comes from, other then through generational lines and/or passed lives, from which I understand that what I live in this life is enough to take on, as in this life I live the same sort of patterns as probably in many lifes before and only by now I have the tools to step forward, to stand up in it for and as myself, with the application of self-forgiveness, self-correction and living words as the beginning of self-expression in this process.

An experience of ‘failure’ on a belief that I first took on as something that I needed to reach as how it is also placed in the world, as if the only way of living or passing life, is through giving birth through children instead, of birthing ourself as life from the physical in actively deciding within awareness who we are in thought, word and deed and living this decision as well. So ‘the world’ is mostly showing as if ‘building a family’ or giving birth to a child,  is the only way to ‘birth life’ and through trying to attempt this, I am missing myself as a real living being mostly and ‘missing the point’ completely in this state of survival.

Not having given myself the chance to really ‘choose’ or decide in this because of already taken on this belief and so follwing up on this, while at the same time noticing several hesitations in it, however still following up on this ‘automatic/programmed belief’. And within this, causing myself a lot of sadness and grief.

I stillcould feel this deep stored within me with still emotions attached (after a whole serie written about this that starts here). Feeling abandoned in this, feeling like ‘no man would stay with me if I am not carrying/have carried their child’. Abandoning myself within a self-created belief of failure.

Also, deep sadness for all the ‘homeless’ in this world including animals and the suffering from this. Homeless, also like abandoned.

Sitting with Snoo the cat from who I picked up (and confirmed without me sharing this, via someone who is picking up some signals from animals – this is not a ‘real communication with animals’, for some more information about this I would recommend the interviews that start here) that she would have liked to have little kittens but where is decided for her to get sterilized. Which in this situation (she lived as a cat from the street in Egypt and came via a shelterhouse to my house) and in this time where we live, is the best to do. However, these decisions are made without including the animals in it. Which I still felt sad about and I took responsibility for this experience of ‘guilt’ through apologizing as a human being, as asking forgiveness for humanity as a whole in who we are at the moment with regards to animals. This gave great release from the experience of guilt, within taking responsibility as a human being, for something that I did not directly do myself to her but the ‘species’ I belong to does within a world that we have all acccepted and allowed to exist within separation from life and so, I am responsible as well.

Additional self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my reproduction-system and ability to reproduce, related to the sex-system and love-system and within this, making myself myself inferior to ‘life’ as myself as life, within a separation of myself in an accepted and allowed belief in the self-created reality of the ‘love-system’ and the sex and reproduction that is connected within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to see and live myself as an individual and satisfied living being without ‘being related’ to a child and/or partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure if and when I do not succeed to maintain a pregnancy and/or intimate relationship, as if this are the only two ‘purposes’ in life to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on a deep level, tend to compromise myself for within my fertile years, an attempt in trying to get pregnant and during and after this, an attempt in trying to get or maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the new and open area of giving myself and living a purpose within, as and for myself, that is not related to pregnancy/motherhood or a personal intimate relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it quite rediculous that I have accepted and allowed and accept and allow, so much distraction within and as myself by moving into and living out the love, sex and reproduction system, where in I at the same time see, realize and understand that within and embracing myself of who I am within this, I will be able to forgive, correct and change myself and the relationship with myself in this as a fundament for relationships with others and from here, ‘breathing life’ into myself and redefining love, sex and reproduction towards supportive area’s for myself and others as what is best for life as a whole, as an area to live, learn, grow and expand as individual and responsible living beings.

I notice that the left-bottom side of my large intestine is giving signals now of ‘pain’ or crampings, that is already here for minutes but that I at first did not bring into my awareness, so much am I used to this coming and going of these cramping pains and en emotion related to this that I have not yet defined and forgiven, however it releases a bit when now noticing and mentioning it.

Some words that come up: inferior, diminishing, unworthy, not allowed, accepted limitations, shut down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down and stop expanding myself after an attempt of fulfilling a pregnancy or relationship and so, making this area the ‘only way or possibility’ to expand within and as myself and here limiting myself in my individual grow and making myself dependent on the will and responsibility of another to grow and expand within a relationship and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my will to grow and expand, dependent on the will to grow and expand of (the presence of) a partner.

The overall word here: dependency

Which is something to bring back to myself as in self-dependency in and as the will to live and to stop the mind-dependency in and as the polarity of the energy-generation (as in for example the system of love, sex and reproduction).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in an experience of missing and distracting myself within this, where in I see, realize and understand how I create this experience within and as myself, through accepting and allowing a ‘building of relationships’ on the (unconscious) starting-point of the ‘love and sex-system’ and in the hope and expectation of the ability to transform this into an absolute unconditional relationship and sharing, where in the real missing is the missing of an absolute unconditional relationship with another human being, that I have channeled into the sharing of myself within the physical intimicy within ‘love and sex’ or ‘love as sex’ within a partner-relationship and so creating a dependency on each other on short-term, within and as the belief/fear and so judgement, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time’ in walking towards the individual starting-point of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and so judge, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge myself in my own will and ability to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility without another human being as a partner and from here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge a partner for leaving me and so, taking away the ‘free will’ of another in making their own decision in what to walk and how to do this towards a point of self-responsibility, as I restrict this to ‘staying with me’ as the only or ‘best’ way and so, becoming ‘forcing’ in this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fail’ by going into reacting from a starting-point of ‘fear of loss’ and here, start ‘forcing another’ who is picking up and reacting to this ‘force’ and then ‘going away’ and so I am ‘loosing the connection’ that I initially feared to loose and that I now co-created myself in reality.

From here I then go into an experience of guilt and finding as if I ‘failed’ and that ‘it is my fault’ that another goes in which I enlarge the ‘fear of making mistakes’ within myself where in I then enlarge the pressure within myself and reflecting this towards others as well, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am able to do, is taking responsibility for myself in this as how I here, bring a reaction back to self and realizing that if my reaction is causing another to stay or go, that this has to do with what is already going on inside themself that I have triggered with my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost petrify myself within a fear of making a mistake and then causing another lo leave (me), up to the point where I cannot bear the pressure anymore of my own petrification and so, suddenly ‘lash out’ in a reaction with the result of that what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rsult of my own reaction as if it is all my responsibility and within this, trying to take ‘responsibility for two’ out of a fear that another is not willing or yet able to do this by/for themself and so walking away whenever I may react or make a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘staying with me’ or ‘staying with you’ above ‘taking responsibility for and as ourself’ and so, walk from a turned around starting-point which in itself, is doomed to explode and ‘break up’ because the foundation to build on and from, is not yet stable and constant in and as what is best for a life in and as self-responsibility.

And here, an experience of ‘being abandoned’ is created as being abandoned from a (soul?)-connection that is still origined from or connected to a belief or idea within and as the love-/sex-system as ‘being together for always no matter what’ and a fear of standing alone, so actually being abandoned from a continuation of an energy-experience.

To be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Advertenties

Dag 716 – 4. Understanding the obsession

This blog is related to record 4: Understanding the obsession

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really see realize and understand how ‘a biological clock ticking’ consists of an obsession but more believe that it is real and that it is okay to live this out because it is part of myself (as a biological programming as a human in/as a female body but that I was not aware of during that time).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to live out a part of my biological programming without considering that this programming is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse my obsessive behaviour with the fact that the ‘biological clock’ – as a limited period of time where in reproduction is possible – is part of how the human physical body is functioning in it’s part of reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to become obsessive because of not taking responsibility for my thoughts, emotions and feelings that are related coming up to relationships and reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because of my thoughts, emotions and feelings coming up within me, related to relationships and reproduction, to actually ‘follow up’ these thoughts, emotions and feelings with actions without considering that what I am following up on in myself, is not really who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely scare myself and create panic within believing that I should have a child and for having a child, I need a relationship and if I cannot find a relationship, then I should look for other ways to have and raise a child of myself and so within this belief, not taking responsibility for this belief in itself and for who I am within and thus, creating and participating in, living in and as this obsession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make an obsession of myself and my life without really, seeing, realizingnand understanding what I am doing to myself as life and life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have seen the reproduction cycle clearly for what it is as a  practical and physical system of bringing forward life which brings a huge responsibility to educate and walk with this new life until it is able to stand in and as itself as a responsible, living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have approached the bringing forward of a new life without seeing the total responsibility in it but more have experienced it as ‘something that I would like to experience’ and so, from a starting-point of self-interest to feed myself from with experiences, which in itself is what an obsession is: longing for an experience with the purpose of wanting to experience the fulfillment of the experience itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the cycle of reprodution is what ‘life’ is about and what ‘life’ is, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that the reproduction system and the cycle that it is functioning in and as, is the system that brings forward new life but it is not ‘life’ itself.

When and as I see myself having a desire and see myself ‘longing for an experiemce, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have channeled a part of myself in this desire in and as the furure as something that I need to reach and ‘reach out for’ and because of channeling myself in this desire (in the future, because a desire is projected in the future), I am not completely here within and as myself and so, I am missing a part of myself where in I actually ‘desire’ this part of myself in a way to become whole with, or I am ‘longing for’ this part of myself to unite myself with and as and because it is channeled in a particular thought or experience, created as an projected idea in the future, I follow this desire.

I commit myself to forgive myself for misunderstanding my motivation for my ‘desire’ and the energetic experiences that I generate out of this projected idea as desire.

I commit myself to stop the ‘obsession of longing for an experience of wanting to experience the fulfillment of the experience itself. I commit myself to take responsibility for what I desire and to see what I have projected that is real as ‘me’ within this desire and bring myself back here.

I commit myself to support myself with bringing myself back here with the support of finding a word that I can live here as myself in the moment.

I commit myself to redefine the word desire and make it a word that contains a practical self-support.

14522279_920576231380349_1391926206_o

Previous blog: 3. Obsession

Next blog: 4. Menstruation cycle


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

 

Dag 356 – Lead by the eggleaders (ovaria)

EierstokkenIn Dutch language, the ovaria is called ‘eggleaders’ (eileiders). It leads the egg to the uterus. Well, it does not only lead the egg to the uterus, it leads the whole life of a woman, and indirectly of men. So the eggleaders lead humanity. It lead humanity to give birth to another ‘person’ and we direct our whole life – directly or indirectly – into this purpose, or we resist this purpose which is enlarging this same purpose in general. However, it is directed by this system of reproduction, which is still a system, and we are giving birth to ‘new life’ as a system, because we have become one and equal as our mind consciousness system and we pass this through into the ‘new life’, so the new life becomes equal and one as a ‘new’ mind consciousness system, and this we call ‘new life’. mmmmmmm……….

We do not know what it is to birth life, to birth ourselves as life in/as/through the physical. Many woman have problems around the area of the ovaria, related to menstruation. Menstruation is described as many things, from ‘a problem’ to ‘something sacred’. During my study of natural medicine I wrote my whole paper about the cycle of menstruation. lol we were looking for a translation of the word ‘timeloop’ into Dutch, and the word cycle was also mentioned, which I actually see as a ‘wide or large timeloop’. So, the menstruationcycle is actually keeping us in a timeloop of fertility which repeats over and over again. mmmmmmm……..

Marilyn Monroe: The Human Design – Menstruation

Then should we not give life anymore to new children? It is not precisely like that. I would say, we first have to support ourselves to become able to give life towards/as ourselves, and within this give life on earth, before we are ready to give life to another human being through our body. Because we have to guide this new human being, we have to educate and support this new human being, to be able to become as life itself, life as being responsible, responsible for self as life, for life as self. And if we all do that – first educate ourselves and then pass on this education to the next generation, after a few generations, life on earth will change into a life-worthy existance for every one and every thing.

So, if we did already have given birth to another human being before we as ourselves were as life, then what should we do? Do we have to judge and blame ourselves for this? No, sure not. This is what we already have done for a long time, although we are not really aware of it. We start the same process; we start walking this process of taking responsibility for ourselves in/as the mind and giving birth to life in/as ourselves through the physical. We write, we apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, and we change in and as the physical, as only when we change in and as the physical for real, this physical existence will start changing. With or without kids, the process is exactly the same, for every one.

We have given our authority to the eggleaders and made this a point of self-interest. Listen to the butterfly, listen to the bee. The butterflies allign reproduction to and as life, as what is best for all, for all butterflies, in co-operation with the earth. The bees work together with the plants and the earth, they take care of each other in a way that they will not take and take and take to survive. They give and receive equally. They live in and as their utmost potential, and if this is no longer possible in any way, than they decide to pull back, to stop reproduction, as living less than their utmost potential what sense does this make? We call them ‘lower species’. mmmmmmm……….

PENTAX Image

We as humanity are not so smart. Self-interest does not make us very smart and is very short-sighted, it makes people blind. Blind for the potential that is existing in humanity as life, If and when we are willing to work together with and take care of everything and everyone; human, nature, earth, plants, animals, as what is best for all. Giving and taking equally. At the moment, we are not even able to take care of our own species as humanity; we do Not take care, we only take, and take and take.

Where is my authority? Oh my god, it is “lying in” my eggleaders! And I gave it away to men in/as the mind, indirectly, not directing myself but in my perception and belief, ‘lying’ all day to myself, so actually and of course,  I gave it away to my mind (consciousness system), to lead me over the edge. I gave it away to lead me over the edge so that I do not need to take self-responsibility, for who I am as have become, for what I have done, for all the consequenses I have created and/or accepted and allowed to exist, within me and without me.

Only I can stop the limitations as the edge, existing in/as the mind consciousness system, to be and become the potential existing within me, in co-operation with all living species existing in and as earth. because in this, in earth, in the flesh, we are all Equal, so if I become One with and as the flesh, in and as the physical, I become equal to all that is existing, including myself. We are all made of clay.

Are you looking for your authority as self-direction?

Start today, it’s free:

Desteni I Process Lite.

Self-forgivenesses will follow in the next blog.

Authority is That which Life Grants Each One Equally, the Authority as Life.
There is One Authority on Earth now, which Stands Above all, that Dictates, which is Death. Death is the Point where Life is Authorized or Not, and to Get Authorized as Life – you Must, before Death comes: Be the Physical Evidence as the Living Flesh, as the Living Word – that you Understand the Authority as Life, as Equal, as What is Best for All – or You Will Not Pass Death (Bernard Poolman).

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/