Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

 

Continuing from Dag 765 – Abandoned

Abandoned

After sitting with myself and the cats, speaking self-forgiveness on what is coming up within me while focussing on the area of my physical body around pelvic and lower belly area:

Ovaria’s; at the high of

Not feeling worthy as a woman without having children

Like failed

Not on a consiousness level but deep stored within me and even not knowing where it comes from, other then through generational lines and/or passed lives, from which I understand that what I live in this life is enough to take on, as in this life I live the same sort of patterns as probably in many lifes before and only by now I have the tools to step forward, to stand up in it for and as myself, with the application of self-forgiveness, self-correction and living words as the beginning of self-expression in this process.

An experience of ‘failure’ on a belief that I first took on as something that I needed to reach as how it is also placed in the world, as if the only way of living or passing life, is through giving birth through children instead, of birthing ourself as life from the physical in actively deciding within awareness who we are in thought, word and deed and living this decision as well. So ‘the world’ is mostly showing as if ‘building a family’ or giving birth to a child,  is the only way to ‘birth life’ and through trying to attempt this, I am missing myself as a real living being mostly and ‘missing the point’ completely in this state of survival.

Not having given myself the chance to really ‘choose’ or decide in this because of already taken on this belief and so follwing up on this, while at the same time noticing several hesitations in it, however still following up on this ‘automatic/programmed belief’. And within this, causing myself a lot of sadness and grief.

I stillcould feel this deep stored within me with still emotions attached (after a whole serie written about this that starts here). Feeling abandoned in this, feeling like ‘no man would stay with me if I am not carrying/have carried their child’. Abandoning myself within a self-created belief of failure.

Also, deep sadness for all the ‘homeless’ in this world including animals and the suffering from this. Homeless, also like abandoned.

Sitting with Snoo the cat from who I picked up (and confirmed without me sharing this, via someone who is picking up some signals from animals – this is not a ‘real communication with animals’, for some more information about this I would recommend the interviews that start here) that she would have liked to have little kittens but where is decided for her to get sterilized. Which in this situation (she lived as a cat from the street in Egypt and came via a shelterhouse to my house) and in this time where we live, is the best to do. However, these decisions are made without including the animals in it. Which I still felt sad about and I took responsibility for this experience of ‘guilt’ through apologizing as a human being, as asking forgiveness for humanity as a whole in who we are at the moment with regards to animals. This gave great release from the experience of guilt, within taking responsibility as a human being, for something that I did not directly do myself to her but the ‘species’ I belong to does within a world that we have all acccepted and allowed to exist within separation from life and so, I am responsible as well.

Additional self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my reproduction-system and ability to reproduce, related to the sex-system and love-system and within this, making myself myself inferior to ‘life’ as myself as life, within a separation of myself in an accepted and allowed belief in the self-created reality of the ‘love-system’ and the sex and reproduction that is connected within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to see and live myself as an individual and satisfied living being without ‘being related’ to a child and/or partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure if and when I do not succeed to maintain a pregnancy and/or intimate relationship, as if this are the only two ‘purposes’ in life to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on a deep level, tend to compromise myself for within my fertile years, an attempt in trying to get pregnant and during and after this, an attempt in trying to get or maintain a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the new and open area of giving myself and living a purpose within, as and for myself, that is not related to pregnancy/motherhood or a personal intimate relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it quite rediculous that I have accepted and allowed and accept and allow, so much distraction within and as myself by moving into and living out the love, sex and reproduction system, where in I at the same time see, realize and understand that within and embracing myself of who I am within this, I will be able to forgive, correct and change myself and the relationship with myself in this as a fundament for relationships with others and from here, ‘breathing life’ into myself and redefining love, sex and reproduction towards supportive area’s for myself and others as what is best for life as a whole, as an area to live, learn, grow and expand as individual and responsible living beings.

I notice that the left-bottom side of my large intestine is giving signals now of ‘pain’ or crampings, that is already here for minutes but that I at first did not bring into my awareness, so much am I used to this coming and going of these cramping pains and en emotion related to this that I have not yet defined and forgiven, however it releases a bit when now noticing and mentioning it.

Some words that come up: inferior, diminishing, unworthy, not allowed, accepted limitations, shut down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down and stop expanding myself after an attempt of fulfilling a pregnancy or relationship and so, making this area the ‘only way or possibility’ to expand within and as myself and here limiting myself in my individual grow and making myself dependent on the will and responsibility of another to grow and expand within a relationship and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my will to grow and expand, dependent on the will to grow and expand of (the presence of) a partner.

The overall word here: dependency

Which is something to bring back to myself as in self-dependency in and as the will to live and to stop the mind-dependency in and as the polarity of the energy-generation (as in for example the system of love, sex and reproduction).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in an experience of missing and distracting myself within this, where in I see, realize and understand how I create this experience within and as myself, through accepting and allowing a ‘building of relationships’ on the (unconscious) starting-point of the ‘love and sex-system’ and in the hope and expectation of the ability to transform this into an absolute unconditional relationship and sharing, where in the real missing is the missing of an absolute unconditional relationship with another human being, that I have channeled into the sharing of myself within the physical intimicy within ‘love and sex’ or ‘love as sex’ within a partner-relationship and so creating a dependency on each other on short-term, within and as the belief/fear and so judgement, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time’ in walking towards the individual starting-point of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and so judge, that ‘no one is willing to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge myself in my own will and ability to stand the test of time in walking towards an individual starting-point of self-responsibility without another human being as a partner and from here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge a partner for leaving me and so, taking away the ‘free will’ of another in making their own decision in what to walk and how to do this towards a point of self-responsibility, as I restrict this to ‘staying with me’ as the only or ‘best’ way and so, becoming ‘forcing’ in this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fail’ by going into reacting from a starting-point of ‘fear of loss’ and here, start ‘forcing another’ who is picking up and reacting to this ‘force’ and then ‘going away’ and so I am ‘loosing the connection’ that I initially feared to loose and that I now co-created myself in reality.

From here I then go into an experience of guilt and finding as if I ‘failed’ and that ‘it is my fault’ that another goes in which I enlarge the ‘fear of making mistakes’ within myself where in I then enlarge the pressure within myself and reflecting this towards others as well, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am able to do, is taking responsibility for myself in this as how I here, bring a reaction back to self and realizing that if my reaction is causing another to stay or go, that this has to do with what is already going on inside themself that I have triggered with my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost petrify myself within a fear of making a mistake and then causing another lo leave (me), up to the point where I cannot bear the pressure anymore of my own petrification and so, suddenly ‘lash out’ in a reaction with the result of that what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the rsult of my own reaction as if it is all my responsibility and within this, trying to take ‘responsibility for two’ out of a fear that another is not willing or yet able to do this by/for themself and so walking away whenever I may react or make a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ‘staying with me’ or ‘staying with you’ above ‘taking responsibility for and as ourself’ and so, walk from a turned around starting-point which in itself, is doomed to explode and ‘break up’ because the foundation to build on and from, is not yet stable and constant in and as what is best for a life in and as self-responsibility.

And here, an experience of ‘being abandoned’ is created as being abandoned from a (soul?)-connection that is still origined from or connected to a belief or idea within and as the love-/sex-system as ‘being together for always no matter what’ and a fear of standing alone, so actually being abandoned from a continuation of an energy-experience.

To be continued.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


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Dag 754 – To never accept and allow it again

I was listening to the life Review of Real Forgiveness versus Feel Good Forgiveness and while listening, also looking at a point within myself that I have been walking for years. In the interview is mentioned how the self-forgiveness is not neccessarily or eventually giving a ‘good feeling’ about something that has been taken responsibility for, as one still has to live with the fact what one has accepted and allowed and created as consequence.

In the days before, I was looking into the fact that I had brought myself into the situation that lead up to making the decision to have an abortion (I have made a serie records about it as well as written related blogs) and I found that there were still experiences coming up of a deep regret of not having the possibility to give birth to a child in this life. I felt myself going deeper into my body, into the area where the ovaria are located and here I could release again a deeper dimension of the experience of regret, related to the abortion, up to the point of finding myself in a stability within this, of living with this situation, this decision and experience. So, I did not ‘feel better’ with it and that is what I saw for years and years; that I still do not ‘feel good’ with this situation that I needed to make a decision in (keeping the child or not). But, I did come to a point of stability in it, deep within myself.

However, during the listening of the interview, there was mentioned that the gift of such things, is that we will never, ever accept and allow something like this again within ourselves and so for others as well. And here I was looking, then what is the point in this that I will not accept and allow again within myself?

I somehow was still, on a very subtile level, allowing myself to not stand absolute and take absolute responsibility for the creation of the situation that brings forward the need to make a decision of an abortion (or not). And here I noticed that an abortion in itself, does have an impact. It is a decision that one would rather not come to stand for; meaning, better prevent oneself to ever have to make such decision. I was still busy justifying how an abortion – if and when needed – does not have to be ‘such big deal’,  if one is certain and clear in it or, that one could have problems with it because one would rather had kept the child but circomstances were not certain enough to give birth to a child and so this friction is then giving the ‘problems’ or inner conflict.

I did miss the point that, the decision to an abortion, is a decision about life, about giving life or not. Once the life is settled within the body and starts growing, no matter on what stage, it is ‘in motion’ and one is very much experiencing this movement, this life-force. Well, that is, I realize now, how I have experienced it.

So from here, making a decision to let it grow or take it away, is not an easy decision, even if one is certain and sure about what way to walk. This is something that I never really understood, as it was only approached from a morality point of ‘being against abortion’ for example for religion reasons or ethical reasons. I now see where this ‘reasons’ and morality comes from: the fruit is a life-force that has started growing within a body and stopping this force, is also asking for a ‘forcing’ in a way, which is then a forcing ‘against life’ or ‘against this movement of life developping on a physical level’.

Here to be very clear that I am not labeling an abortion as ‘good or bad’, but more seeing it for what it is in essence.

If I look at the concept from this starting-point, it is something to be much more carefull with, also for myself. Because, me, forcing the stopping of this life growing within me, has brought me to a form stagnation of the life-ex[ression within and as myself. Because I did not see the totality and impact of what was happening within and as me and what I had brought myself into and because I created conflict within and as myself.

Let’s have a look at the situation in general, now from a point where I am 44 years:

I have not yet been in the position of creating a stable relationship and/or stability within and as myself where in I could say, yes, I and we are ready to take the responsibility for giving birth to a child. Only now I can say that I find myself stable enough to take this responsibility but, only within a relationship for a year that is not really stable at the moment and from which I say, this relationship needs about 6 years more to stabilize before I could call it a ‘stable foundation’ for a new life to grow into. So, for me, to have the stable foundation that I would self-honestly want to bring in for a child to grow up in, I would be about 50 years old. Only then, I could start with a pregnancy, which is obviously not possible from a physical/biological point of view. So, looking at my life, I can say that there had not been the ideal circomstances and possibility to get pregnant and give birth to a child in a responsible way.

I must have known and felt this already back then, without having the tools to change myself fast enough in this (fast enough meaning, before my fertile years are over) and so, what I started doing, was ‘forcing’ it a bit through creating situations where I was not really and 100% careful to prevent a pregnancy happen. So that I then had created a situation where in ‘I could not do different’ and would fulfill the pregnancy, simply because it was ‘already here’.

However, when this did happen – I created this situation for myself – my self-honesty and responsibility did kick in, in some way and I had placed myself in a situation of choosing between two ‘not ideal’ situations: an abortion or giving birth to a child within a situation that was not how I self-honestly, would want it to be. I have choosen the first: abortion. And this, is something that I underestimated the impact from.

I even saw now, when 44 and almost within a stage of the impossibility to become pregnant, how I again, in a very subtile way, did not take fully responsibility for the prevention of a pregnancy. Within this, I did see in what state I bring myself in for days, within creating this ‘uncertainty’ within myself (like ‘oh my, what if I am pregnant?’ and from here all the feelings and emotions generating) and then, what consequences it would have on my life but on the life of my partner as well, who I agreed with that we are not going to get any children (due to our living situation in general and my age). And only by now, after listening to this interview, I realized that I still did not fully take the responsibility for the fact that I do not have children during my life here in earth and that there was actually not really and not ever, a stable enough situation to become pregnant.

This is basicely the thing that I needed to take responsibility for, already when I was 27 and this ‘desire’ or wish came up. And who knows how things would have enfolded with this, from a starting-point of self-honesty, self-responsibility and with common sense. But by avoiding this, I created a lot of turmoil, regret and pain within myself and within others as well by accepting and allowing a pregnancy that I found I needed to break down, against my deep wish to keep the child.

So, from here, I will take the full responsibility to be aware and careful, also on a subtile level, with regards to the prevention of a pregnancy, no matter how small the chances are at my age and I will take the full responsibility for the process that I have walked with regards to giving birth to a child or not during this lifetime on earth, including the decision of an abortion. Within this I hope to bring this responsibility into the world as something that we all need to stand in and as: to only start with the responsibility of giving birth to a child and guiding it to grow up, if we are really and fully ready for this. This in itself, will bring a huge change in this world for our children to come and also as a solution for the over-population that may exist.

I am not saying this from a point of morality or judgement, as I see clearly how far I – and so many of us – are lost in this biological reproduction cycle. So I know as no other how hard it can be to stand up in this for, within and as oneself.

So, not to state that abortion is now something that we can not use when and as needed – as it can be a solution that is best in a certain moment and situation, it all depends on the context and all dimensions involved – but more as something to be much more careful with and really see it for what it is, without morality and judgement, but from a starting-point as what is best for all and from a starting-point of seeing the impact of stopping the life-force growing and developing.

In a way, I have ‘aborted’ myself as life way too much, in so many aspects deep within myself and this is waiting for myself to open up and this was already waiting for myself to open up way back, before I created this conflictual situation at the age of 27.

Let’s support each other in the challenging process to birth ourselves as life from the physical so that we eventually will be able to prevent so many conflictual situations as consequences, within and without ourselves.

Thanks for reading!


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Dag 746 – 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?

This blog is related to record 25: Can a decision be wrong or right?

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at decisions or actually ‘choices’ in the past as if it was ‘wrong or right’ where in I then again go into a polarity where in I see that the whole situation is actually not coming from a starting-point of consideration and care of all aspects within myself and so not ‘best for all participants’ so from here, I create a situation where in I need to make a decision that, whatever I ‘choose’ to do, it will have consequences in some way, because my starting-point was not aligned within and as self-care and care for life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘wrong and right’ outcome through already being separated within and as my starting-point when and as I am coming from a point of self-interest, in which I can only exist if and when I have separated myself from myself, from life, from self-care and from care for life as a whole, meaning, when I have separated myself from considering all aspects and participants before moving myself in a certain direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand with myself in where I am at a certain moment within my process and instead, start judging my choices and actions in the past as being ‘right or wrong’ and so, keeping myself within a state of judgement for longer than necessary, instead of immediately going into self-forgiveness and so taking responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist in, in and as the mind in a certain moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and keeping myself victimized, within judging my choices and decisions in the past, instead of using the consequences to face myself from a point of self-support and so, immediate and when I am able to, going into the living of self-forgiveness as an understanding of myself and where I come from and within doing so, I take responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist and existed in – separation in thoughts, words and deeds – and within this expansion of self-responsibility, I create a platform for myself to from now on do it different and with more and more consideration for myself in all aspects and for life as a whole in all aspects.

When and as I see myself going into searching for a ‘wrong or right’ for choices I have made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I here lengthen my own process as it does not make sense to create a polarity (in judging something as ‘wrong or right’) within myself from what I already existed in as a polarity.

I commit myself to find the point within myself that I did not consider myself in all aspects and life as a whole (or all participants) and where in I have influenced my starting-point into a state of separation as well and I commit myself to be self-honest within this, to face the dark aspects of self-interest, of fear, of protection and defence-mechanism that I have created as a way to try to control my environment and from here, to unconditionally forgive myself and embrace the shame and when I have been able to, to then unconditionally let it go so that I can move on within this new and expanded expression of responsibility within and as myself.

When and as I see myself searching for ‘what to do’ within a decision-making and then looking for what is ‘wrong or right’ in this, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not totally clear within myself on where I stand or that I am not yet able to stand for what I see that is best for myself in all aspects.

I commit myself to embrace myself within the fear and control-mechanisms that I have created and to forgive myself unconditionally in what I see as a ‘weakness’ within me to from here, move through the experiences of fear and control in every day life, step by step, moment by moment and in every moment again, seeing what is best to do, to say or maybe to not do and say and I commit myself to support myself in this through receiving perspectives from others as well, as a support and cross-reference for myself in where I stand.

Previous blog: 24. Expecting another chance

Next blog: 26. A worst nightmare scenario


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Dag 737 – Teeth, systems and self-responsibility

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Since a few months I have placed a brace in my mouth to correct my teeth. Last week I had the second check up and correction of this brace. This time I experienced more pain in some of my teeth, especially the few that they had placed a different line in between to move them, the few teeth that are more in front than others.

The same evening I was looking in the mirror and saw that some teeth already had moved. One opening that was created to create space, had been closed now and the tooth most in front was more pushed back and in between the others. Remarkable to see how fast this can go and also understandable that I feel pressure on my teeth in this.

I do not botter this ‘pain’ or pressure on my teeth so much, I rather see it as that something is happening and I do experience it as supportive, this pressure on my teeth. It is bringing my awareness more back to my mouth and this focus is bringing me more back to myself and what I need to align within/as myself.

Next morning I had some difficulties with my stool and with a cramping intestine, as I do have from time to time, and here I was laying down for a while and see what I am experiencing within myself, by gently pressing on the sensitive places. The most common experience here was ‘as if there was something done unto me’ and from here I experienced angryness.

Here I then applied some self-forgiveness on the experience and see if I have something more specific to bring back to myself. After a while I came to the realisation that actually no one ‘did something to me’ but that it was me who had done everything to myself, that I many times was ‘finding something to create some distraction’; I experienced self-blame and then again angryness about this self-blame.

As soon as I realized that it was all a ‘self-attack’ – and here I mean with realized, that I not only ‘knew this by theory’ but that I could see it within me – the pain on this teeth decreased and went away. After this I still feel the pain for a few days with eating for example, as the teeth have been moved with some pressure and this gives some kind of ‘blue’ feeling in this area for a few days.

This does not mean that I, by realizing that I attack myself and ‘do something to myself’, that I now am ‘done’ and that all tension and misalignments are solved, as I need to understand them one by one in how I have accepted and allowed myself to create these misalignments, so it is more a starting-point of self-honesty that I can walk from while taking responsibility within self-forgiveness and self-correction for the self-separating programmings within/as myself.

Here it is important to really see and realize this within and as myself, related to my own specific programmings. The theory has given the start to open this up, to work towards this self-insight, self-forgiveness and eventually self-correction and self-change; however when I do not yet have really understand this within myself and within my own specific situation and creation, it is still only theory and I will not be able to change anything within myself. My body is the perfect reference-point for this, because the discomfort and pain is only releasing when I really see and understand a point within and as myself.

This point brings me to a ‘proove for myself’ of the principle that we create our own inner discomforts and pains – and from here, I am more and more able and willing to take responsibility for my self and my own experiences and crations in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions and then again, integrated physically.

Note: here I am speaking about the created thoughts, emotions and feelings and not so much about the harmful physical circumstances that many grow up in, which is for me clear to work with because I have been fortunetely to grow up physically quite stable.

So I first then have seen that this theory and information is based on common sense and standing as a principle that is considering what is best for all, including myself, that is prooved by others and from here, I apply the given tools, to really see and understand this given information and principles integrated within myself. So that from here, I will be able to take responsibility for myself in thought, word and deed, step by step, day by day. 

The interesting thing in this process from consciousness to awareness that I now walk with the support of correcting my teeth, is that I can use this to align myself with some related pre-programmings and then from here, learn to direct myself within, to stand ‘my ground’ so to speak. So that I will be able to less and less, allow myself to be moved by the automatic and/or preprogrammings within/as myself. Because as long as I exist within these programmings, I am not considering what is best for myself and/as life as a whole, in/as this physical existence.

Here I have to come to understand how I created this within and as myself, as a survival of my own mind-consciousness-system and if I really understand and so, forgive myself; while doing so, I enable myself to start moving myself without being influenced by automatic thoughts, emotions and feelings coming up. So that I am and will be able to more and more make decisions that are trustable and best for all.

Some back-ground information on the mouth-point and the teeth by Veno:

4.) MOUTH point

The MOUTH point is the ‘holder’ of the pre-programmed life experience of yourself here on earth within the White Light gridline structure – referred to as your ‘blueprints’.

As you ‘come of age’ you lose your first set of teeth that had come out. The first fresh beautiful set of teeth that come out when you are a child I will refer to as your ‘Pure Teeth’. They are pure from the perspective that they are developed from within the pure life essence resonance foundation as who you really are and actually support who you really are. Yet, here come the designers of consciousness enslavement and control systems and implement a system within your entire physical body as you develop in the mother’s womb, which is actually transferred to you through the ‘sins of the fathers’ principle, that ‘push out’ your ‘Pure Teeth’ and replace it with ‘System Teeth’.

The ‘System Teeth’ carry the blueprints of your entire life experience here on earth, meaning that the blueprints as your ‘System Teeth’ carry your entire pre-programmed life within the White Light gridline structure. The moment your ‘Pure Teeth’ fall out and are replaced with your ‘System Teeth’ – your entire life, all the experiences of yourself here on earth, is programmed and infused within the White Light gridline structure on earth. Because your ‘System Teeth’ carry the blueprints of your pre-programmed life here on earth within the White Light gridline structure – the two lock in together and voila: You are ready to experience your manifested pre-programmed life here on earth.

Your entire life experience on earth has been pre-programmed humanity – and it’s all allocated in the blueprints of the teeth you currently have! Understand that the blueprints of the ‘System Teeth’ that are developed and come through when your ‘Pure Teeth’ fall out – is transferred from within the preprogrammed mind consciousness system already manifested and infused within you while you were busy being developed in the mother’s womb. And this is how the consciousness systems within you started manifesting into an actual becoming here on earth as you experience yourself: The consciousness systems manifested as you grow, physically and mentally in this world as indicated by the teething process. Therefore the teeth you now have is supporting consciousness systems as who and what you have become and accepted yourself to be – as you live and experience yourself within your pre-programmed life design.

(NOTE: I am not saying that you must pull all your teeth. In PART FOUR I will be giving all practical examples of how to support yourselves and the children to come in not having to be controlled and enslaved, but to take your own power and direct yourself as who you really are within which this part I have explained above will be placed into perspective for you. So pause on pulling the teeth.)

(Veno – Structoral Resonance point Part 2 Phase 1)

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:

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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 724 – 12. Learning what consequence is

 

This blog is related to record 12: Learning what consequence is

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already had in mind somehow to do it all alone without firstly align and ground myself within a relationship where in we could both stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of already had in mind somewhere to do it all alone, this ‘plan of action’ was activated by some words of the male and so me using this words as some kind of ‘proof’ that this is what I have to do and can do, that this is somehow ‘okay’ to do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that this is actually me within my mind, manipulating words (of doubt) from another, towards using this for my self-interest within this ‘plan of action’ that I had hidden as a secret within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in a way, on the other by using his words as a reason and justification, as some sort of ‘sign’ that I now can start my ‘secret plan of action’ without considering the whole situation that I and the male are involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within myself within conflict because of taking action from a point of self-interest in a situation that was not grounded at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to an outcome as doing it all alone bacause not having a program ready of how to effectively build a relationship as how is best for both/best for all and from here, somehow thinking and believing that I will never able to do so and at the same time, knowing that it should be possible and that it is within my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now only see and learn what consequenses are for myself within relationships and how they end, however it took me many more years to really consider all and every aspect including the effect of my decisions on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here on think and believe that ‘I am responsible for myself and another is responsible for him/herself’ and so within this, not considering to take responsibility as well for others involved as much as it is within my awareness and when and as another is not yet be able to do so because of having les awareness in that moment, it is up to me to step in and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘it was his responsibility to step in with me’ which it is in the end, however missing out here on the consequense of my words and actions for another as well and not only for me.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of stepping forward and express what I see as consequence and responsibility within another’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it is also my responsibility to speak up, to step forward and support another to learn what consequence is, this within my ability and awareness in that certain moment.

I commit myself to bring my fear back to myself, to see and forgive what the fear as judgement is and from here, see how I can best step forward and speak or show some awareness in a way that another is able to understand.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought-pattern, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I create consequenses for myself within my physical body that are not needed or doing any good.

I commit myself to step by step, walk and forgive the layering of fear within me, to write it out, to name, understand and forgive myself until I am able to stand more clear and stable within myself with regards to relationships and patterns of fear of loss and standing alone.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to move forward within a certain point within a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have an effective program ready and so, I need to create a real and lasting solution from here on from within myself, which feel like ‘impossible’ because I have never done it before.

I commit myself to move myself into the unknown field, to step by step create a solution by using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, cross-referencing with others/support from others and considering the aspects that I can see within myself and so slowly, build the ground and stability within myself, within my life and within the relationship with another and with others in general.

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Previous blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

Next blog: 13. Trying to make it up

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Proces van zelfverandering:

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De Kronieken van Jezus

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https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 714 – 3. Obsession

This blog is related to record 3: Obsession

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to become become pregnant without considering everything that it entails, what it entails to guide a child and walk with it through the system and thinking and believing that I would walk this when it is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play with the possibility to become pregnant and to ‘let it be decided’ through creating situations with a ‘risk’ as possibility to become pregnant instead of making a clear decision within and as myself of how to walk this and take direction and responsibility in this, for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through not taking responsibility for myself within my thoughts, feelings and emotions, let a ‘desire’ become an obsession in which I allow myself to ‘follow’ this obsession and bring it into reality through living and following up on my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of me living an obsession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see that I live an obsession because I do not want to let go of the desire and because I fear that my desire will not become a reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my desire will not become a reality and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge it if and when my desire will not become a reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like not being able to direct myself when and as I have to let go of my desire and so, use the desire as a direction of, within and as my life and so, making a living obsession of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I make it so much harder for myself to let go of the desire because I have used it as direction in/as my life and so, it feels like not having any direction if and when I am not living/following this desire and so, feeling like ‘I would die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I would die if and when I let go of my desire, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not living at all within following my desire but instead, following my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions that brings me further and further away from who I am, here as breath as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slowly let myself ‘die’ and loose my capacity of breathing and being here, by following my desire that I build up in thoughts, feelings and emotions and believing them to be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like not being able to think within and as my mind that I should ‘take this possibility’ that is laying within the years of fertility and if I would not, feel like I would miss out on something and through this, making an obsession of it and not being able anymore to see with common sense what my real possibilities are within the physical stae and situation that I live in.

When and as I see a desire coming up within myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that this desire can entail a possibility, however for this to become real, I have to consider and investigate all dimensions and participants (including myself) that are involved and only from here, see through time what direction does suite best for myself as a physical living being and from her, will suite other phyisical living beings in the best possible way because in essence, we are connected and one as life and one life considering life, will consider all life in essence and if we all learen to do the same, no one will be left behind. I commit myself to slow myself down and look at all the aspects that are involved and take time to do so, to investigate every aspect and participant that I see included within my ‘desire’ and here, forgive myself for emotional and feeling attachements and investigate where these are coming from, what believes I have ‘taken on as real’ in this that I also forgive as a thought existing within me and from here, find a word for myself that I can ‘breathe in’ and follow, redefine and live this as a guideline to live what is best for me, for the aspects involved and for possible other participants, representing ‘life as a whole’.

When and as I see myself participating in a desire that I project in the future, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am think and believe that what I desire and project, should be better than what I live here in the moment within my physical reality where in I actually think and believe that me following thoughts, feelings and emotions is better than me breathing here in my physical body and take on the tasks that are in front of me. I also realize that I ‘fear’ that I will not ever ‘reach’ that what I desire where in I actually judge if and when I would not ever ‘reach’ that what I desire. I commit myself to bring myself back here and to put a hold on me following a desire and forgive the judgements in not ‘reaching’ this, to breathe and pick up what needs to be done today and to create a timeline with that what I would like to create for myself within consideration of my physical situation, condition and abilities and I commit myself to make peace with the facts that are not within my physical reality or even possibilities and to focus on that what I see that I am able to live and create, step by step, day by day, one with me as what I stand for in principle and at the same time, being open for adaptations and changes in direction that may come forward as a best way to move on for myself and others in this life as this physical reality.

ooievaar10

Previous blog: 2. Loosing stability

Next blog: 4. Understanding the obsession


Proces van zelfverandering:
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www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 641 – Do you accept the challenge?

Responsibility

Responsibility

Every time I listen to a video or record that people walking with Desteni have recorded, I experience within and as myself a gratefulness and certainty in walking this process of self-forgiveness and change here as myself, together with others to eventually bring about a world that is best for all. Listening to the voices of people who are willing to see, to forgive, to change, to support, to push oneself to walk through difficulties as what is best for self and for all in/as life.

One can say that the speaking is perfect or actually not yet perfect, that one speaks so slow, or fast, or a bit incoherent, looking for words to express what one means, however when one listen to their words, it becomes clear that one is busy to learn and practise to speak within words from a starting-point of self-honesty, to not speak out in thoughts, emotions and feelings but in common sense within seeing what is best for all. The flaws in it, that is showing the process that one is walking. It takes time to practise to speak in equality and oneness within and as self. We are so used to speak out our thoughts and feelings and emotions or maybe we are not used to speak at all.

It makes me quiet to listen to all their voices, to hear the common sense within, to see the self-honesty that one is busy integrating or already has integrated, to know that they are here and walking together alone, taking responsibility for oneself and willing to do so and from here, bring about a world that is best for all.

Here I would suggest to not let oneself distract by a way of speaking that one is not used to listen to as this is only a distraction in/as the mind and by allowing this distraction within, one will miss the message of equality and oneness that is existing within the words in each video or record. There are many video’s with different voices and subjects and there are for sure several that one can start listening to, that speaks directly to yourself without you getting too much distracted.

The distractions will point out the separations in oneself and the resonants in this can be experienced as very uncomfortable, even to the extend that ‘one is not able to listen’. One will be able to listen to all of them once the message within is understood and once one has made the decision to stand within self as what is best for all and walk the process towards this. Until then, there will be video’s and records that one is able to listen to, dependent on the subject and recognizion of the person who is speaking and otherwise there will be thousands of blogs and articles to read and start with.

Here it is not about the name Desteni or about ‘being a member’ but it is about the message that each one is bringing forward while walking the process that is provided by a group of people that work and walk together within principles that are best for all life. It is not about specialty and it actually should be or become a group as large as humanity as a whole. But we did not learn this and someone has to start, and this will be the ones that are able to do so.

Learning to walk within principle as what is best for all live, gives a process to walk through our own mind – where we have separated ourselves extensively from ourselves, this through participation in our own mind in thoughts, emotions and feelings, pictures, ideas and believes and from here we have manifested this mind-participation into the physical and this physical reality. Only when we walk through the separation in/as the mind, we will be able to see and walk beyond, into physical equality and oneness. This to bring about a world that is best for all, where physical equality and oneness means really physical equality and oneness and where there is equality and oneness in/as the physical, this is best for all in/as this physical existense, because it is equal for every one in/as life.

To really understand what this entails, we have to understand how we are build up and programmed, how humanity and life is build up and programmed within systems that we have accepted and allowed to manifest within and without and from here, to understand how we have accepted and allowed to separate ourselves from life and from the physical. The result is very and clearly visible in this world that we all exist in and as today.

So to go back to the source of this creation, we have to go back to ourselves and take responsibility for who we are and have become within this programs and systems, within this separation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, pictures, ideas and believes, in and as our mind consciousness system. This is what walking with Desteni is about. Bringing everything back to self, as the source of this creation, take responsibility for everything that we have created in/as separation and from here, bring about a change that includes everyone and everything, as what is best for all life.

It may sound very ideal, however if one starts within the very small, within oneself, one’s relationships and daily life, it will become more visible why and how a change that is longterm and lasting, will be and become possible from the small to the big.

Who starts today and accepts the challenge?

#‎iamthechangeiwanttoseeintheworld‬

Desteni I Process – Courses

how-thoughts-create-physical-realityHow Thoughts Create Physical Reality

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive