Dag 755 – Hidden expectations

I was reading the blog of Creation’s Journey to Life called ‘Relationship-Agreements and the Cutting Edge of Time’ that passed by on my facebook and after this, I could come to an insight on something that I am already longer looking at within myself.

The blog is about relationships and how we in this, come to the challenge of facing ourselves on a difficult point of what we expect within this relationship from another and that then is not going in a way we ‘had in mind’ as a picture, as something that is fulfilling our desires – within the blog this is explained as our masturbation secret life (read the blog for context).

It is easy to see this in situations from others and that that are directly related to sexual/physical intimicy and expectations within this. However, I was now looking within myself and asking myself, where am I doing this; where do I live within an expectation to fulfill my ‘masturbation secret life’? As I do not have pictures within myself while masturbating for example and only had a few in the past that I stopped participating in for many years.

Then in a moment I saw how I am living within an expectation of a relationship in general that eventually lead to ‘me having a good feeling’ or ‘me being comfortable’ or ‘me not experiencing any fear or conflict’ and that then actually will lead to….the possibility to fastly and easily come to a sexual/physical intimicy – and so it is actually and definitely related to the fulfilment of my ‘masturbation secret life’.

My expectation is thus not directly related to sexual/physical intimicy but more to how a communication and interaction should take place as for example ‘without any conflict’ and within the expectation that both should be able to directly and self-honestly look into patterns and programmings or tonations and reactions coming up, without projecting and blaming this onto/towards another. Haha wow, that is some expectation.

And the ‘best part’ of it, is that I used this as if I can expect this because in the end, ‘this is what is best for all’. This is a beautiful example of how I in/as the mind (and so many of us) have the tendency to use principles that are best for all, as an excuse to protect a point of self-interest and so, not standing within the principle of equality and oneness, which in this case means that I see where I and another; where we are within our process, so self-honestly see into what my and another’s location-point is and from here, stand equal and one within understanding and forgiveness, towards self and another within and as this location-point.

I did see consciously and within knowledge and information that this is not a realistic expectation, due to where we are in our process and I was in conflict with and within myself and in my relationship as well. It felt more or less like ‘being stuck’ within this conflictual inner expectations, that then are leading to experiences of desperation and wanting to give up.

My buddy had mentioned once, already months ago, that I should accept another/a parner at where he is (and so me also in where I am within walking a relationship-agreement), otherwise I would start resisting another/him (and so parts of myself). In that moment I knew that something of value is being said that I needed to integrate within/as myself, otherwise I would indeed going into a (suppressed/hidden) resistance towards another. However I could not really see where I was fueling this resistance within myself on a subtile level.

I now did see how I had challenged this point in my partner (not because I wanted ‘to challenge him’ but because I challenged myself to stand up in a point for myself, which then equally resulted in a challenging point for the ‘sparring-partner’) which had given reactions and I was ‘reacting to this reactions’ within myself.

After reading the above mentioned blog, I was able to define what had happened in this challenge and now also understood much better what a huge challenge it actually was and is to face and walk through. So because I now can define it as a general point that we all will face within a relationship, I am able to challenge myself to look into this for myself as well and here I find my own point of my ‘masturabtion secret life’. That of course, is already for so much longer existing within myself and bothering me and  I could not come into peace with it because, I did not firstly define it for what it is that I am dealing with.

This is now the moment of realization and from here it is the challenge to bring it into practical living. I use the word ‘challenge’ a lot here, which is quite cool as I also started to open up this word for myself as how I started to describe in a previous blog and I hear it coming back in interviews as well.

After walking this years of process of the writing and speaking of self-forgiveness, the beauty of it comes through in moments like this, where a whole point can open up in one moment, within a self-understanding and then understanding of others involved as well. The situation is then understood (and so forgiven) for/as myself as another and so I would say, I am ready to walk this point into a more effective way of living and interaction, for myself and others as well. Let’s see how I do from here!


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

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Proces van wereldverandering:
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Uil forgive

Dag 718 – 6. Decision in a split second

 This blog is related to record 6: Decision in a split second

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow two thoughts coming up within me in a split second as a self-interested ‘opportunity’ without fully investigating the consequenses that this could bring forward, for myself and another involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not involve another through sharing what is going on within my mind, where in my mind in a thought, I ‘use’ something of the other without the other even knowing about it and so, without giving the other an opportunity to bring in perspective and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow up on my thoughts and so, ‘using’ something of the other who is involved without fully informing about the starting-point I come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inform the other who is involved with limited information through which I know I have better chances that the other will ‘agree’ on what I want and so, having an excuse for myself that I ‘did inform’ the other and that the other ‘did approve it’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that leaving out information is disempowering another as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that by leaving out information and creating from a starting-point of secrecy and self-interest, I will disempower myself within the consequenses that I create, in the same way as I disempower another in that specific moment and because only I am fully informed with the information in my head that I keep partly a secret, I will be responsible for the consequenses that I create by following up my secret thoughts with actions and so I will have to walk through the created consequenses in physical reality, by myself alone as long as I keep it a ‘secret’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have split up myself within my own thoughts that come up in secret and that I believe and follow up on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to follow up on my thoughts because the thoughts produce feelings and emotions that make me ‘feel alive’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow up on thoughts within me about literally creating new physical life ‘by accident’ and from a starting-point of ‘fear and self-interest’, instead of considering myself and other participants as life itself and so, creating life from life by decision, in consideration of all and everything involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have disempowered and split up myself, by believing that I need to create new life in secrecy because otherwise I would not be able to create it at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already believe that I will fail and so, I create from a starting-point of ‘fear of failure‘ without seeing that in this way, I will indeed ‘fail’ as my starting point is split up and not one and equal as myself and so, not grounded and valid or real and so I will have to walk back and deconstruct what I have created in ‘fear of failure’, to be able to take responsibility for it and while doing so, bring myself towards oneness and equality and birth myself as life from the phisical while doing so, while ‘walking back’ and transforming the self-interest into what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when resistances that are coming up in relation towards another, that these are coming from my own mind as things that I have separated myself from and as and so, it are things that I need to investigate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as resistances are coming up within myself in ‘relation towards another’, to walk out and end the relationship, instead of investigating, understanding and stopping the resistance within myself and so, build a relationship with and as myself and from here, approach another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk out of relationship situations that have potential because I believe that the resistance that I experience is real and ‘not where I must be’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that actually the resistance is a place where I ‘should be’ as here my mind is showing me where I have separated myself in thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions and preferences that are ‘in the way’ of approaching a situation with common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘take what I want’ and then walk out within a relationship without seeing, realizing and understanding that I create my own failure in this way as I ‘take what I want’ from a starting-point of ‘fear of failure’, out of fear that I will not succeed to create what I really want and what is best for myself and others involved, and so I rather ‘take quickly what I want’ and walk out so that at least, I have something that I (think that I) want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I ‘know myself’ and so follow that what comes up in my mind as a thought, feeling or emotion that I translate as ‘that what I want’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not know myself in what is really best for myself and especially not how I can bring this into reality in a practical and considering way, where in this is actually what I eventually want: that what is best for myself (as life and so for others as life) and within this, it will be lasting.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of not being able to create what I want / would like, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have never created such thing from a starting-point of a practical and considerable approach of reality and so, I have no reference of me being able to walk this and I have no blue-print of how to walk this. I realize that I easily give up when I do not ‘succeed’ directly instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I need to walk a new path step by step, deconstructing the old and destructive patterns and rebuilding a new and solid approach in consideration of this physical reality from a staring point of principled living as what is best for myself in this physical life and what is best for all who are physically involved in what I would want.

I commit myself to support myself as a being stepping forward by applying principles that are best for myself on long-term and in consideration of all involved.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the flaws and programs that are coming up within me as a ‘quick solution’ to fulfill myself with experiences in/as the mind, as a safety catch as ‘better having something than nothing’ instead of step by step bringing forward my potential as a living being.

I commit myself to be patient with myself and others and live the word patience, ‘geduld’ day by day.

I commit myself to receive the support of others for and as myself / my beingness to stand up and I commit myself to be a point of support for others as beingness to stand up as well.

When and as I see myself participating in a tendency of giving up because I experience my feelings and emotions as too overwhelming as if I ‘cannot handle it’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am able to handle my own emotions because I allowed myself to create them as a reaction to what I have learned and believed and  I realize that I am not sticking to the principles of what is best for myself on long-term and so for others as well through which I already ‘fear’ my own creation as consequence, which brings up emotions.

I commit myself to lay out a foundation for myself within principles that I can apply and in which I can keep myself stable and at the same time, walk through my own experiences coming up, within the realization that as long as I keep myself grounded within principles (meaning, principles that are considering what is best for all involved, including myself), I am considering myself and others as life and so, I will eventually bring forward that what is best for all involved without creating harming consequenses.

I commit myself to, when and as I do not see a way to walk, to slow down and take the time to find a way in which I am able to keep myself stable and keep my integrity as well.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts as ‘taking what I want’ without completely informing others about this who are involved, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I come from a starting-point of fear of not being able to create what I want as what I really would like and see what is best and so, I need to reflect on and take responsibility for a pattern within myself that is not best for myself and others on long term.

I commit myself to slow down, to breathe and to take the time to forgive myself for my thoughts as fears and for believing them in relation to ‘taking what I want’ in a specific situation.

I commit myself to consider myself as a mind consciousness system in which I am weakening and compromising myself and from here, while seeing myself in these weakening / compromising patterns, finding ways to support myself as a being to stand up and direct myself towards a wholesome, healthy way of living.

Previous blog: 5. Menstruation cycle

Next blog: 7. The moment of truth

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Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 717 – 5. Menstruation cycle

This blog is related to record 5: Menstruation cycle

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to push myself to share this intimate details that were actually part of my secret mind during thet time that it took place that I am describing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed about what secretely happened within myself in thoughts, feelings and emotions with regards to my fertility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share this, also in the past, but not completely, as I always hold a small part for myself that I could ‘play with’ and fill in for myself without anyone knowing and so, without anyone being able to have influence on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a backdoor open for myself as a place where I can make ‘my own decisions’ with regards to fertility and having a child or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my investigation of my menstruation cycle as a tool to make small shifts within myself and ‘challenge the possibilities of nature so to speak, without being fully aware of my own direction and decisions in this as a guideline of what will happen or not with regards to fertility and having a child or not – in consideration ofcourse of the biological and physical abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mix up my influence by not really being aware of how I am directing myself and placing part of my responsibility ‘outside myself’ and at the same time, keeping a ‘secret mind’ as secret area where in I am very well aware of myself manipulating an outcome that only I am fully informed of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have unsafe intercourse where in I ‘wish’ that I can then become pregnant without the need to fully take responsibility for this decision and so, being able to decide to perhaps ‘become pregnant’ in a situation that is not stable and ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my female role and female body with the ability to become pregnant, as a way to slightly manipulate a male by informing the male about how I approach the menstraution cycle but not completely about what is going on within me with regards to my menstruation cycle and thoughts about pregnancy and so, use his ‘approval’ about what I did share, as a reason and justification to move on with what I have within my secret mind that I have not completely shared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate with leaving out some information that I have within myself in secret thoughts.

When and as I see myself leaving out some information that is actually vital and of importance, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am hiding something and so, that I fear ‘loosing’ this something if I share it, meaning, that I loose the possibility to ‘live this’ when and as another may not agree on it. I realize that within this, there as self-interest involved where in I am not open to cross-reference the possibility in a way to see if it is really best for all or that it may need some adaptation. I realize that within this, I ‘fear’ that I am not ‘listened to’ and that ‘what I want/would like’ may not be considered and so, I rather choose to keep it a secret and play it out in a way that it is already manifested in physical reality and so, I can not be crossed anymore. I realize that I think in such moment that ‘this self-interest is best for me’, where in I did not consider, investigate and cross-reference all outcomes and where in I actually did not consider myself as life in all outcomes but only ‘me’ in/as the mind in self-interest, in my limited version of my desires, simply because this is the only thing that I ‘know’ from and as myself.

I commit myself to take the time to investigate, consider and cross-reference all outcomes while walking something that I see as a possibility but where in I tend to keep information for myself and within this, consider myself as life in all outcomes.

I commit myself to forgive myself my wishes and desires that is existing within myself in a situation where in I am keeping information for myself and to take the time to embrace myself in this and let go what I see that is not best for myself and  so, not best for everyone who is involved and to move on with that what is giving an outcome where in life is considered, from/as myself and others who are involved in a situation.

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Previous blog: 4. Understanding the obsession

Next blog: 6. Decision in a split second


Proces van zelfverandering:
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Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 359 – Porn – What is the Question we should ask?

Living Income Quaranteed

In the discussion about the porn-scene, there is often spoken about the ‘line’ of what is abusive and what not. How rough the sex is, if the woman did agree on it, and within this if the woman was informed about what would happen before she agreed on it and if she had a possibility to stop if it was not what she expected and she could not handle it. So actually the questions that are asked within this, are all about what is allowed and what not Within the total allowance of Pornography.

The point in this is: aren’t we asking the wrong question? The question is manipulating the outcome as the answer.

We have to see beyond the balance of this ‘thin line’ of acceptances and allowances Within pornography. What should be questioned, is the existence of Pornography as a Whole. We are so ‘used to’ the existence of porn, that we do not even look anymore why it exist in the first place, what it is in this world that caused us to Watch Other People Having Sex, from soft ways to the most horrific ways we can imagine. Isn’t this The question in itself?

What causes us to watch porn as other people having sex? Because, the demand determines the product, so the question why porn exist is simple: because there is a demand so it is a way to make money. So, if you are watching porn:  you are contributing to and keeping in place the whole porn-industry in relation to money.  You really think the porn ‘stars’ would do this job if there was no money involved? Get real. Would you do this?

So this is the first thing to realise, porn is here because people are making money of it and we are all dependent on money to live,  and money is not equally distributed so we are all living in and as a survival mode. Sex as how it is used in the porn-scene is a way of surviving, to earn money. The porn-industry is making advantage of this. Within this, the point of ‘free choice’ in participating in the porn-industry is seen from a totally different perspective, which shows: there is No free choice in this, there is only need for survival.

Second thing is the act of sex in itself.

Why are we watching to other people having sex? Isn’t sex just a physical act, firstly implanted to reproduce, just as animals do, and secondly usefull as a support to become more physical, to enjoy physical touch and interaction, if and when it is applied in a way that is supportive to the physical body and where in people that are involved agree equally, without any manipulation applied, which means they should be totally aware of what they are doing. To be totally aware of what we are doing before we make the decision to have sex, we should be educated in this. And who in the world is Really educated in the principles of having sex in a pleasurely and respective way? Are you? Who did teach you this? The porn movie that you watched, which is produced to make money and where there is ‘free choise’ of how abusive one like to watch it?

The point is, we don’t know what we are doing while we are having sex. We actually have no idea. Most just start doing this because the whole world is making a lot of noise about this, combined with hormonal changes inside our body around the age of 14, which are activated and making us feeling restless. Within this, first thing we ‘learn’ in this world, is that we have to ‘do’ something with these activated hormones, and if we don’t, we are ‘missing out’ on something. This something means ‘sex’. We learn that we miss something if we do not have sex. So, in essence, we learn to have sex to make us ‘feel better’ than who we are without having sex. This in itself implies that sex is Used, so abused to ‘reach something’, which is a ‘better feeling’ about ourselves. This is called Self-interest.

Did we need sex when we were a young child? No. It is activated. I am not saying that we should not have sex. I am saying, that we have to really investigate what sex contains, that we have to be educated in this and educate the ones that come after us. That we are not ‘more or less’ when having sex or not having sex. There is no ‘free choise’ in this, we are all addicted to this search for ‘feeling better’ about ourselves.

And porn is made to feed this, and at the same time making money out of it, which makes the ones who make money out of it, ‘feel better’ or ‘more powerfull’, and within this using the ones who ‘choose’ to involve because they need the money to survive.

It is not ‘normal’ to watch other people having sex, just because we like it. If you could choose, would you choose to watch other people having sex or would you choose to do it yourself? Are you watching at movies that you know are really abusive if you would act this movie out in reality? So you choose to ‘watch this’ other people doing on a screan? Why are these people doing this? Because of your demand for it; you buy it, they get money for it. So actually, porn stars are acting out on all the hidden fantasies of human beings who are willing to pay money for it.

If we donot watch porn, but have imagines in our head during masturbation or having sex, this is exactly the same. It is all connected to each other in the same Mind Consiousness System. And we are all contributing to this. We ‘think’ it is harmless to make pictures in our head, but it is not. And this is what we should seriously be educated in. Only this education can make us see how we All are equally responsible for the large abuse that happen in this world, which is all related to the area of money and sex. And deep down, we know this, otherwise we would not hide it. We only don’t understand How it is related. If you deny, you are not self-honest and you want to move on only for and within your self-interest. Which is a serious problem.

If you see the common sense in this article and you find yourself addicted to for example watching porn-movies – also the so called ‘innocent’ ones – know that there is support to understand and stop this addiction. Know that honesty seeing into self in this, and saying, hey, I see I have a problem here, I only don’t know what to do about it, this is self-honest and it takes courage to do this and to do something about it.

There is a lot of free material available to start educating yourself. It is a lot, so just start and take on one by one. Allow yourself to free yourself from this addiction, as any addiction is only making us feel better for a very short time and it makes us feeling worse afterwards, and this feeling worse will enlarge. This is how addiction works, and we know it.

If you have the chance – meaning if you have acces to internet, which you have, otherwise you would not be able to read this article – educate yourself, and within this, stand up for a world that is free from all sorts of abuse, related to sex and money.

To all people who are just having ‘innocent’ pictures in the head of wanting to have sex with the lovely neighbour or handsome colleague, and for the rest having a ‘stable’ life with enough money to live from and for example a happy marriage and kids; also: educate yourself.  You, We, are the ones that are able in the first place to stand up. Exactly just because of being relative ‘stable’, it is possible to start with the self-support Right Now. Stand up for Life on Earth, stop the allowance of abuse related to money and sex and be a part of the solution. If we all do so, this world will be a total different place, as a place where we all are willing to live and contribute; if we all give as we would like to receive.

Investigate:

Porn Addicts Journey to Life:

http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/

Desteni Forum for support:

http://forum.desteni.org./

Free interviews:

What is Sex:

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-overview

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-introduction

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-seven

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-eight

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-9

Shocking Secrets of Masturbation:

https://eqafe.com/series/7-shocking-secrets-of-masturbation

The Metaphysical Sectrets of Imagination:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-introduction

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-self-image-and-imagination-part-1

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-self-image-and-imagination-practical-support-part-2

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-part-3

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-practical-support-part-4

The Soul of Money:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-infinity-secret-consciousness-as-the-light-and-the-dark

https://eqafe.com/p/the-heart-of-love

https://eqafe.com/p/the-inequality-of-resource-distribution-within-all-bodies-of-existence

https://eqafe.com/p/divide-and-conquer-the-majority-enslaved-by-the-minority

https://eqafe.com/p/the-interconnection-between-thoughts-energy-and-light

Parenting: Perfecting the Human Race:

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-2

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-3

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-4

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-5

Full what is sex introduction

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
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Proces van relatie naar agreement:
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Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/