Dag 750 – 29. Care as motivation

This blog is related to record 29: Care as motivation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘having a child’ and/or ‘being in a relationship’ must be ‘taken care of’ before I actually and really will be able to take care of myself in and as life and/as life as a whole, where in my self-interest – showing it’s face in ‘emotional experiences’ of ‘unfulfilled desires’ – is ‘leading me‘ or better said ‘controling me’ where in I also not take care in what is best for myself and so, I keep myself actually prisoned or controled within my own emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself locked in within the control of my emotional experiences of unfulfilled desires in which I believe that ‘I can not live without’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can not live without that what I desire, where I use this actually as a distraction within and as myself, in and as my own mind as a belief that I can not live without the control of my own mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions, as this then ‘feels like I die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I will die’ without having a connection within and as my mind where in I channel myself into certain desires, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this I project my own mind in the ‘state of death’ or ‘sleeping state’ that I exist in within this moment while participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions and following and believing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts, feelings and emotions in and as my mind within polarity that lead up to ‘a death end’ when the energy of polarity runs out, instead of looking at ‘living words’ that are best for all, including myself, that I can assist and support myself with and ‘breathe’ myself into life with, step by step, day by day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blanko and tired here without exactly seeing what and how I do ‘hold onto’ certain experiences related to ‘love and relationships’ and what this ‘gives’ to me.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of fear, related to a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the fear is an experience of the other side of the coin of the experience of love and that I may have gone into an experience of love, to not ‘feel’ the experience of fear or ‘uncertainty’ within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perhaps go into an experience of love to not feel the experience of fear or uncertainty within and as myself.

I commit myself to slow down and look carefully into the experience of fear within and as myself, within the realization that ‘fear of another’ is a thought in essence and so, there is a judgement as thought connected within and as myself, towards this ‘other’ as myself and so I also commit myself to realize that there is then most of time a self-judgement involved and so, I commit myself to keep on finding the thoughts as (self)-judgements and forgiving myself within, related to an experience of fear/love towards someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences in life as for example I do naturally like animals and so, this is a more easy motivation for me to ‘take care’, for myself and for life as a whole and that I still do experience quite some fear as resistance to ‘people’ which is because of how the mind consciousness systems are living out the inequality.

When and as I experience a fear as resistance coming up within me in interaction with another person, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am reacting to how an inequality is living out and that I ‘fear’ to keep standing and so, I somewhere judge myself in this fear and state of ineffectiveness or, I judge myself for the same thing that I do not yet see within and as myself.

I commit myself to embrace and forgive myself for my own inequalities in and as this fear as thoughts as judgements that comes up when and as an inequality is playing out and I commit myself to find and use a living word in which I make myself more effective and directed to what I see that is supporting me to stand up, to keep standing and stable in a way that is best for myself as well as for others involved, in the small moments of every day life.

Previous blog: 28. Learned a lot

This blog is connected to the last record of this serie of self-reflection on the years of my biological fertility. I have found it of great support for myself to walk it all through and share, to free myself from a certain ‘charge’ that I experienced to it all and while doing so, I could bring it back to experiences coming up within situations in current time and bring this into self-forgiveness as well.

Thank you for reading, listening and walking with.

I will continue with what is ahead and coming up within myself and my life to take care of, within and as myself, for myself and for life as a whole. It may only reach one or a few other beings at the moment, however I do understand that a ripple effect will take place that I/we may not yet see or be aware of, as every one who is taking responsibility is part of a one+one+one.


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

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Dag 746 – 25. Can a decision be wrong or right?

This blog is related to record 25: Can a decision be wrong or right?

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at decisions or actually ‘choices’ in the past as if it was ‘wrong or right’ where in I then again go into a polarity where in I see that the whole situation is actually not coming from a starting-point of consideration and care of all aspects within myself and so not ‘best for all participants’ so from here, I create a situation where in I need to make a decision that, whatever I ‘choose’ to do, it will have consequences in some way, because my starting-point was not aligned within and as self-care and care for life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘wrong and right’ outcome through already being separated within and as my starting-point when and as I am coming from a point of self-interest, in which I can only exist if and when I have separated myself from myself, from life, from self-care and from care for life as a whole, meaning, when I have separated myself from considering all aspects and participants before moving myself in a certain direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand with myself in where I am at a certain moment within my process and instead, start judging my choices and actions in the past as being ‘right or wrong’ and so, keeping myself within a state of judgement for longer than necessary, instead of immediately going into self-forgiveness and so taking responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist in, in and as the mind in a certain moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and keeping myself victimized, within judging my choices and decisions in the past, instead of using the consequences to face myself from a point of self-support and so, immediate and when I am able to, going into the living of self-forgiveness as an understanding of myself and where I come from and within doing so, I take responsibility for myself within the separation that I exist and existed in – separation in thoughts, words and deeds – and within this expansion of self-responsibility, I create a platform for myself to from now on do it different and with more and more consideration for myself in all aspects and for life as a whole in all aspects.

When and as I see myself going into searching for a ‘wrong or right’ for choices I have made in the past, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I here lengthen my own process as it does not make sense to create a polarity (in judging something as ‘wrong or right’) within myself from what I already existed in as a polarity.

I commit myself to find the point within myself that I did not consider myself in all aspects and life as a whole (or all participants) and where in I have influenced my starting-point into a state of separation as well and I commit myself to be self-honest within this, to face the dark aspects of self-interest, of fear, of protection and defence-mechanism that I have created as a way to try to control my environment and from here, to unconditionally forgive myself and embrace the shame and when I have been able to, to then unconditionally let it go so that I can move on within this new and expanded expression of responsibility within and as myself.

When and as I see myself searching for ‘what to do’ within a decision-making and then looking for what is ‘wrong or right’ in this, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am not totally clear within myself on where I stand or that I am not yet able to stand for what I see that is best for myself in all aspects.

I commit myself to embrace myself within the fear and control-mechanisms that I have created and to forgive myself unconditionally in what I see as a ‘weakness’ within me to from here, move through the experiences of fear and control in every day life, step by step, moment by moment and in every moment again, seeing what is best to do, to say or maybe to not do and say and I commit myself to support myself in this through receiving perspectives from others as well, as a support and cross-reference for myself in where I stand.

Previous blog: 24. Expecting another chance

Next blog: 26. A worst nightmare scenario


Proces van zelfverandering:
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De Kronieken van Jezus

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https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 731 – Self-honesty, self and relationships

self-honesty

Continuing on previous blog.

For more than 6 years now, I am actively walking a process where in it is a core-point for me to transcent the ‘dependency’ within partnership. Through my life, I have had several partners and a pattern existing within this of starting and stopping. I could not find a way to keep my individuality and at the same time, be/become intimate in my sharing with another. I was not able to stand alone within partnership.

Now, what then does this mean? To stand alone? I learned how to stand alone when being/living alone, without a partner but then within this there is a tendency to search for a partner and when there is a partner, I often lived in a fear of loss or, the partner was existing in this pattern. All because, so I found out, the starting-point was not clearly cross-referenced within both: no discussions about what both want and/or are able to within a partnership and how to create this and how to give and how to support and what means love etc. So the starting-point was basicely still based on preferences and convenience, without really being self-honest to myself and to another about who I am and what I stand for.

This coming forward out of a ‘fear of loss’, as well when the relationship started but also on forehand, like not believing that any man that I like and who likes me and within the practical possibilities, would be willing to live with me and at the same time taking responsibility for oneself. So it is like a compromising on forehand, like, okay better live with someone halfway than living alone all my life (where this ‘all my life’ is what is showing this disbelief and fear ‘that I will never find a partner who is willing to stand with me when and as I am standing within a starting-point of self-honesty’).

But, here under, is hiding my own convenience. Of not willing, mixed with a ‘not knowing how’ to support another and push the principles where in another is given the opportunity to live accordingly to principles that are best for both (and from here, best for all) and expand as well. Not knowing how because I have never done this before or never had an example and so, it is all new to learn and develop. But what I actually mostly see is a convenience within myself about not willing to change and do the hard and dirty work, of step by step walking through all the shit that is coming up and directing myself and the situation in this. And here in I see, I am existing in judgement.

From not standing within and as my self-honesty of what I am accepting and allowing within myself and from here, tolerating within a relationship, I am existing in judgement, which leads to a fear of loss. Because I placed this partnership in the place of my self-honesty and from here, the separation from and within myself is existing and so I make myself dependent on the partner and on the partnership and on the physical intimicy. Within this I am existing in judgement all the time, I am hiding, I keep distance and push the other away (in fear as judgement) as a reflection of how I am in disagreement with and as myself and fear/judge myself for this, as long as I am not self-honestly facing this.

For 6-7 years I am looking at the theory of what it means to stand alone and live in/as self, as in not ‘missing another’ (as a reflection of missing myself)  where in I now see that the word ‘self-honesty’ is giving so much more clarity in this, as this is what I can define for myself. This is an active process that I have walked and am still walking and this is what I recently found within myself (hidden deep within myself) where in I kept my ‘preference’ at first place and secondly I tried to align my self-honesty with this, where I had to turn this around and place my self-honesty first and foremost and from here, look at how to align my preferences to this, if and when possible in a practical and considering way. Thus this means that I have to make peace with the possibility (or call it ‘risk’) that I have to let go of some of my preferences if I find that I am not able to live with it, practical, physical and according to my integrity.

This is an example of how we trade places in and as the mind and how we place our preferences above our self-honesty and from here, we make ourselves dependent on these preferences that we need to fulfill with something or someone outside ourselves. It can be anything: money, sex, love, food, drugs, alcohol, gaming, traveling, shopping, sleeping, watching tv and all variations within this.

We know in theory that we do this, we all know it somehow, however really seeing it within ourselves and understanding how we have exactly created this, is a whole other story, even from the point where we make the decision to change this within ourselves. For this, we need to walk what we call ‘a process’ through time.

It is possible that we have integrated this self-dishonesty in our physical body; in this case walking out of it, means to walk a physical process, through physical manifested consequences within our own body, as for example in my case, the consequence of a spastic colon.

To be continued


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 721 – 9. Ignoring some signs within myself

This blog is related to record 9: Ignoring some signs within myself

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore some signs within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself space and time to look over all aspects that are involved within the situation of considering an abortion, out of fear that ‘if I don’t do it fast, I don’t do it at all’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ovestigate all aspects within myself and so, decided to ‘do it fast’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I am not allowed to give birth to a child without the father close to me within my life and using this as an excuse to not face and walk through my own experiences of resistance towards another that are actually parts of myself that I resist and fear to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the situation that has developped from a starting-point of self-dishonesty, as an excuse to not be self-honest in the current situation and instead, plan to ‘take out’ the whole situation from the beginning, as some sort of correction and blank slate to start over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘start over’ with a ‘blank slate’ and do this over and over again, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘a blank slate’ means forgiving myself and from here, living the correction and preventing myself from making the same mistake and this can be done in any situation in any moment, where in it can be forgiven and directed from that point on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to what another is saying to me that is ringing a bell but following my own point of fiew, without listening to myself and the ringing bell within and as myself and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to a part of myself that is seeing some uninvestigated points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face the hard part and to want things the easy way without facing and walking through my own experiences of resistance and fear and so switching back and forward, searching for ‘the easy way in’ and when it appears not to be easy, searching for ‘the easy way out’.

When and as I see myself searching for an easy way in, I stop and breathe.

I realize that there is no easy way in, not really at the moment because I have build up my mind in ‘difficulties’ and ‘problems’ so to speak that I will face again within and as myself. I realize that I have build up this system for myself within following a (pre)programming that is build in, to not see the simplicity of what it means to live in and as the physical without hidden agenda’s and thoughts and reactions coming up and so, I will face the thoughts, reactions and hidden agenda’s activated in certain situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to stand and keep standing within principle while facing difficulties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I am tired of facing difficulties’.

I commit myself to face my own difficulties, created in/as myself as my mind-patterns and within this, forgive myself for the build up reactions and thoughts and beyond this, look for the one point within that I did not stand in and as somewhere within my life, where in I started reacting to myself in and as self-judgement and from here, see how and with what words I can express myself in this one point and so stand up and stand by and keep standing, with and as myself, no matter what comes up, until it’s done.

When and as I see myself searching for an easy way out, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I have believed the easy way in and so, I did not see the reality of how the mind is build up and then when I see this, I am searching for an easy way out, through projecting my thoughts, believes and reactions on something or someone outside myself.

I commit myself to put a guard for my mouth and to first stop my reactions, to embrace myself firmly within and apply self-forgiveness, until I do understand and see the point that I would like to express and that I stand in and as, as within and as a principle that is best for myself and others involved and I commit myself to gather information that gives me more clarity on a situation so that I from here, can more clearly see what I am reacting in and as and what is actual happening as a point that needs to be directed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame within/as myself, if and when I do express something in reaction.

I commit myself to embrace the shame within myself as this indicates that I see a point within myself that I am ready to transent, as it can only be forgiven and transcended when and as a real shame is experienced, meaning when I really face what I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a belief in reaction.

When and as I see within myself a belief in a variation of ‘if I am not doing it fast, I will not do it at all’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I participate in a fear of myself forgiving into my mind and that I participate in a lack of self-trust in being able to direct myself in the best way possible and so, to prevent myself from the experience of being lead by fear, I tend to ‘take action directly’. I realize that I also fear to ‘loose’ that what I want and so, I want to take action directly, to try to prevent to loose my point of self-interest because ‘I already have manifested it’. So, I realize that I do not trust that: ‘what I want’ is equal and one as ‘best for all’ and that ‘what is best for all’ is equal and one as ‘what I want’.

I commit myself to keep on remembering within and as myself that the outcome that is best for me, is best for all and that the outcome that is best for all, is best for me and so, it will be best if and when I do investigate all dimensions before manifesting consequenses in physical reality that cannot be undone and I commit myself to keep on remembering within and as myself that an experience of fear or any experience, is not ‘what is best’ or ‘what is not best’, neither for myself or another, although it may feel so real, however the fear is merely creating a polarity within myself that is confusing and so, I commit myself to investigate all dimensions and gather all information that I am able to within a certain situation, before taking action, so that I can align myself within the best way possible; no matter how small and insignificant an event may seem; it all starts within the very small.

I commit myself to live the word patience as investigating all dimensions and gathering all information that I am able to and that I need, to bring forward the best possible approach within and as myself.

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Previous blog: 8. Feeling like ‘going of my path’

Next blog: 10. The fruit isn’t really gone


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Dag 705 – The body-being-mind relationship – Who am I ?

discobal

The question ‘who am I’ was being discussed within group-chats that I participate in and at first, this was a bit vague for me. Meaning, I could not really define who I am and this was actually an important basic-point all the time, like, I could rationally understand ‘who I am’ and perfectly give words to it that I have learned and seen as real and common sense over the last few years. However, this does not mean that I as ‘me’, am really understanding and realizing myself as who I am.

Last week I was at my weekly sport-lesson. Standing half in front of a mirrow, doing the excersises within a group on music, I like this kind of work-out. What I noticed were the self-judgements that were automatically coming up within myself. Small and fast thoughts about how I look – positive as well as negative – and within this, as soon as they come up, I feel and notice how I finally diminish myself and actually define myself within and as these judgements. So here, I define myself as ‘who I am’ within and as self-judgement, so in and as the mind. Which is not a very supportive way to exist.

Moving on with the lesson, a realization came up within and as myself: I know and am sure what I stand for, I stand for and as principled living. I have committed myself to this, I am walking this now for several years, I am sure that this is what I want, what I will do and what I stand for and as and I am sure that I will forgive and correct myself when and as I am not living accordingly to the principles that are considering myself as life as a whole.

I can be and am sure of this, because I have extensively studied and applied this, I have walked and am continues walking this as a process that is needed to move myself from consciousness to awareness (where my awareness is present in and as myself within principled living, considering life as a whole). And here, I realized that this will be my platform of ‘who I am’, it’s my integrity and/as the certainty within and as myself, of my commitment and effort to live within principles that are best for myself (as life) and within this, for and as life as a whole and change myself into this on all the levels that I have separated myself in, as separation from this awareness within and as myself.

While realizing this, the small ‘rembling’ self-judgements disappeared/went silent and I have moved beyond this point within myself. Every time that an uncertainty comes up within myself, I remember myself as who I am within principles living. When I see within myself that self-judgements from another dimension keep on going, I know that these are other patterns that I need to look at, to forgive and correct within myself. However these small, rambling, diminishing self-judgements that are going on and on in my and every one’s mind – you know, the ones where everything is judged within self, a look on my face, a posture, actually my physical appearance and how I express myself in every small detail and then comparing myself to another, as being so self-conscious of every movement within and as my mind without doing anything about it – these are not needed, these do not make any sense at all and are of no support for myself, in and as life.

Within this moment during the sport, my calves became warmer and the circulation towards the calves, became better. A slight pain that did come back within the top of my left calve the few days before, it went away. One step forward towards earthing myself, one step deeper within my own physical body and finding a reference-point for myself that I can use, that I can live as, when and as I see that I tend to go into diminishing myself with regards to my physical presence and actually, it is a reference-point for myself when and as I tend to go into diminishing myself with regards to any other aspect. Altough here there may be more self-reflection needed, this who I am within principled living is still a reference-point for myself, in any and every moment.

More points to come, as I do feel more area’s that are cold within my physical that I will move myself towards, when and as I realize myself more and more in who I really am within the potential that I can live by and as.

Would you like to learn more about what principled living entails and how we can all start with this, within and as ourselves? There are lot’s of articles, video’s and lessons to find, free on line. To learn and understand where we come from (see ‘articles’ and ‘video’s’) and with practical solutions of how to move forward (see ‘lessons’ and ‘free on line’). For some basic understanding with regards to the terms ‘consciousness and awareness’, see the 3 links in the written text here above.

waterdrop

The body-being-mind relationship – Timeline

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.