Dag 799 – Self-support on the experience of “being tired of everything”

kpnrijksmuseum.nl/slapendejongevrouw

There is something underneath within me for a long time; an experience of ‘being tired of everything’. I wanted to change it into ‘feeling tired’ but how I experience it is like ‘being tired’. Which I do see as not so favorable because my being is in this as ‘being tired’ and I have developed related physical symptoms so I see it actually becoming a ‘manifestation’.

It is getting less than it was years before, where I almost was consumed by this experience. However I still see, feel and experience it within me, almost as a ‘second skin’ but also as a memory; meaning it is always here and with me.

What I am most tired of and by is of my own physical struggles, cramps, pains, discomforts. Also seeing things that I would like to accomplish but that I then look up to like a mountain, because of the physical labour that needs to be done and especially my own experience of tiredness and discomfort within it or, a fear of this on forehand.

I do experience it within my organs and I have the information (for context read the blog) – via an individualized interview through the portal – that my mind consciousness energy is ‘traveling’ through my organs and not through the muscle energy highways as how is most common. My muscles feel indeed fine and from the perspective of my muscles, I can even look forward to the labour; I like the movements and effect on my muscles. When I look at my organs and especially my large intestine, I feel an incredible tiredness in it from myself and a giving up; like ‘I don’t have it in me anymore, I cannot find the strength within me to push through’.

I am sitting here on the first day of my menstruation, which is something that I am also tired of. I am 45 – almost 46 – and I find it enough.

I still do not know how to ‘relax’ within these organs, mostly my large intestine, ovaries and uterus but also bladder and I feel a sadness on my heart. My liver is still ‘motivated’ and like ‘pushing the others’ to keep going. There is an ongoing tension in it from my own mind consciousness energy as a pressure on my organs.

This is not okay and I would like to change this. I own it to my organs, I own it to myself and so to others as life as well, as I do have a reasonable ‘good life’ so to speak with opportunities that relatively very little people have at the moment here on earth. My organs did adapt to the way my mcs is set up within my physical body, however I find I let too much ‘on them’ to take care of, as if I am not fully here to support and direct myself. I know this is not a job done in a moment. I will open it up with self-forgiveness on the experiences within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on energy instead of on myself and let energy get the best of me within emotions and feelings letting direct myself on a subtle level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my organs do the work, ‘catch me’ in a way to signal me that I am slipping off too much, not catching myself soon enough in the small moments, subtle thoughts and allowing of the lingering in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to linger in the mind even when I notice that I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can give up, that it does make sense to give up, instead of supporting myself in that moment, to stop the lingering within my mind and slow down, to release the energy and look for a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘wrongly endowed’ by having this specific set up where my mind consciousness energy moves through my organs instead of my muscles, where in I know and even am aware, that it is a gift in disguise because of my early awareness of my emotions and the effect of it within me however, I still linger in a form of victimization in it that I see now as an excuse for myself to not take the next step in pushing myself towards self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking the next step towards self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘wrongly judged’ as how I firstly translated ‘wrongly endowed’ for myself; which is so in a way because of me not clearly expressing myself and not having been able to do so in the past, which indeed gives a misjudgement of myself, by myself and by others as well, following that what I express myself in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself in an incomplete way and for this, following up on myself in this incomplete, incompetent way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my incomplete and limited expression gives an incomplete presence of myself in who I potentially am able to be and by bringing it into reality in this way, my environment respons to this in the same incomplete way and so I ‘set up’ myself in a constricted and incomplete reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then manifest this constricted expression and reality into my organs and especially my large intestine who is constricting and wanting to hold on information that is not yet fully expressed as what is best for myself but that I wanted to release already and so, I am creating a conflict within and as myself, reflecting within my organs and visible for myself in my large intestine as an ongoing cramping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to completely and unlimited express myself as what is best for myself (and so in consideration of the effect being best for all).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot find the strength in myself to push through, that I do not have it in me anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in small moments and to not even want to start, at whatever, at very small physical tasks and movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to sit and rest but I do not rest in this, as I even more find ‘rest’ inside in a slow and consistent movement of doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘be tired’ as if I as my being am tired myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have channeled my being into this experience, into all the emotions and feelings to generate an energetic experience, thinking and believing that these experience are ‘making myself feeling alive’ and so loosing myself as life as ‘beingness’ within this, wherein I am not really lost or gone, but more channeled (by myself) within energy and so wasting or ‘burning the best of me’ so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘tired of myself’ in a way as a tiredness of what I am doing to myself and by myself on a daily base.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already want to give up on my self-commitment and experience a fear of ‘not committing’ and so, thinking and believing that I better not write the commitment, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is exactly the lack of expression, the incomplete expression within and as myself as a ‘loop’ where in I hold myself constricted, of not starting because of fearing that I will not commit to my own commitments and so instead ‘committing as a ‘holding on’ to a fear of failure.

As a start for myself for coming week:

When and as I see myself lingering in my mind and thinking about all the things that need to be done, I stop and breath. I realize that I generate energy in this as for example an experience of ‘giving up’ and so weakening my physical body and putting pressure on my organs because of the emotional energy that I generate within this on a subtle level and I realize that I accumulate the experience in all these small moments of lingering. I commit myself to ‘catch’ myself in the small moments of not wanting to pick up on things, to stop, to breathe for a moment and then moving myself in the small physical action that needs to be done and so move myself from action to action and within this, accumulate the physical action and satisfaction within and as myself.

A process of self-expression and physical action to be continued.

desteniartists.blogspots.com

Nice post from Kim about self-support in the small moments.

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive
Advertenties

Dag 796 – The effect of writing

Art by Andrew Gable

I have written a blog in Dag 794 – A moment of change where in I found out the following:

” So this means in this example, that what I am used to do and look at within myself is the following way: “Can I have a drink now and then at home alone, although I see that this is not best for myself eventually and so I ‘know’ in a way that somehow/somewhere I need to (and will) stop this/step out of this again? And then I ‘check’ within myself if I see myself able to stop/step out of it in the the future”. If the answer is “yes, I can stop/step out of this in the future when and as needed”, then I decide many times to still ‘do it’ and actually ‘go get my bliss’. Until ‘I am done’ with it or until I cannot have it anymore, and then I stop. And then I need to walk through the build up layers again of emotional/feeling release. So I am actually used to walk through points the long way and more or less even believed that I ‘have to do it like this’ in many occasions.”

In this blog I took an example of drinking a glass of wine at home; however I have seen myself doing this in different situations where an ‘energy-addiction’ is involved – meaning where I want to experience something before I am willing / able to stop it. This is so I see now, actually a form of self-manipulation and when others are involved – as for example within starting a relationship before being totally clear on the possibilities of it – then it automatically includes a manipulation towards another as well, although my intention is not to ‘manipulate’. But my starting-point contains this – maybe subtle – energetic self-manipulation and so, my starting-point will determine the outcome and so manipulation will take place in some form. And what I accept and allow within myself, I will accept and allow in another as well and so the reflection of this inner self-manipulation will show itself in the situation and / or within another and often in a larger degree, so that I will not miss it.

After writing the blog, I noticed that I now have seen this point, this tendency to firstly ‘follow the energy before stopping and pushing myself to the edge before I stop’ and so actually….I am not able to accept and allow myself to do this anymore. So now, when I do see a situation where in I am not 100% clear or sure, I am not able to accept and allow myself to ignore the ‘nagging presence’ in the background and move on with it anyway, in some way ‘hoping’ that it will solve itself miraculously, because I now have seen, realized and understand that it will not solve itself miraculously but the outcome / consequence will show exactly that what I have ignored at first in my starting-point.

This is an example of how the writing out of one practical example – if and when done from a starting-point of self-honesty and self-direction – will very much support with this one general point / tendency in many occasions in my life. This also shows how resistance or even rejection can be experienced with regards to the writing, because I ‘know’ on some level that the writing will be effective and reveal some ‘energy-addictions’ that I accept and allow to distract or actually, manipulate myself with and behind this I find a ‘fear of loss’ of this energy and the experience that it is giving. This experience of ‘fear of loss’ is showing itself as very real, because I made it real, by living it at first, by ‘building a life’ on ‘this belief’ so to speak and so the effect may give an experience of ‘collapsing’ and ‘walking through hell’, as in letting go of the illusions that I was holding on to. Illusions meaning, thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, hopes, dreams and what more, that all seem very ‘real’ in the mind but that is not grounded in a realistic, physical foundation.

So with the writing, I am able to quantify my process and walk it ‘faster’ in a way. I mean, I will walk through all the illusions anyway, also by first following my mind and then needing to let it go again, which is ‘the hard way’ as the letting go can be quite horrible to walk through. With the writing, I do have a tool to support myself, to start preventing myself from following the energy, from following that what is actually not best for myself in self-honesty and so, not best for all in self-honesty. Also here, there is a moment of letting go – as how I described in the blog as well – but it almost directly includes a moment of change, because I did not build up so much layers around it, I did not attach myself in all these layers (that I need to walk back and detach myself from and this ‘hurts’ emotionally) and so the way is much shorter and much more stable.

This is actually what we have done through our whole lives – building layer after layer, following the energy and ‘building a life’ on false beliefs in a way, despite our intentions being ‘good’ in it. One can imagine that walking back does take time, dedication and persistence, as these layers are integrated in our life and our physical bodies. We have become it in a way and we believe that ‘this is who I am’. And, we all did this, we have build relationships on this and so we actually have build a world (through relationships) on this foundation from and within a manipulative starting-point (energy). And this is very much visible in the world and how we exist today in totality. For more context read Relationship Dynamics

I will continue with some self-forgiveness on this point in a blog to come.

As a short feedback after writing the mentioned blog: There are no thoughts coming up anymore in relation to drinking this glass of wine when being at home. In the beginning it did come up now and then and with the support of this blog I was able to directly let it go and as I notice now, it is not a point anymore, it is not coming up as a possibility or desire or need and mostly not even as a thought anymore. That is great self-feedback and self-proof after walking layer after layer as a process through the years of what process actually entails.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 768 – How to walk through fear when I am still existing in fear?

quote fear

I am reading in the book ‘The History of Desteni‘ and I am at the beginning part where Bernard and others were working with the demon dimension and bringing in the demons and supporting them with the process of self-forgiveness. For more context I recommend to read the e-book, there is much material there that can clarify and support within the understanding of what Desteni entails and stand for and it reads like a ‘novel’.

Here the aspects that I would like to point out, is how Bernard mentioned that he would be sure that before he opened himself to support a demon, he would be sure that there was no fear existing within him and, to show the way of self-forgiveness, he needed to have forgiven himself on all points, otherwise the demon would directly mention the unforgiven point and then mention this and use this to not embrace the tool of self-forgiveness, because the effect of self-forgiveness was not absolute standing then so why should he embrace it.

The point of not having any fear existing within myself before really being able to stand as an example of self-support; that is something that I see reflected in my daily life. And this brings me also to the starting-point of what I am bringing forward and who I am within this and the result of this. I mean, if I exist in fear and at the same time I would like to support another with a mind-pattern that may bring up resistence to embrace, forgive and let go, then that what I am existing in and as, is resonating through within my words and presense and most surely picked up and used to only enlarge the resistance – that actually also contains a fear within, so the fear will be affirmed. 

Because what I am then actually showing within (the resonance of) my words, is that what I bring forward or that which I ‘expect to come out’ – within myself but mostly projected on another – with what I bring forward, should be feared – I mean why otherwise should I exist in fear in this moment of an attempt to support?

This makes it not so easy to walk through, because to build self-trust, I need to walk through my fears in real time at some point and how to do this if I have not yet build the self-trust that I can keep standing, because this is what I will build while walking?

So I will experience fear and I possibly will then activate resistance and fear in another. What I then have found through time, is that if my starting-point of bringing up something, is to create an outcome that is best for all, so I bring it up in a starting-point of integrity, I will eventually be able to direct it towards this and this is also something that is mostly picked up. So this I can keep as a starting-point within myself as well and keep on focussing on expanding my self-integrity, although I may still experience a fear within me to start walking a point in real time. So, the fear shall resonate and come forward and then from the starting-point of what is best for all involved, or ‘best for both’ or ‘best for myself’ in a self-honest way, I will be able to direct myself in that what is activated and keep standing in what is activated and eventually I will be able to express where I come from and what I mean and why I do something.

I exist in fear because I am somewhere within myself, holding on to a point of separation and so, fear of loss of that what I have separated myself from however, within self-honesty, I need to stop compromising myself and then step forward and ‘take the risk’ of loosing ‘that what I hold on to and fear loosing’. Mostly while walking through this in real time, it becomes more visible what I ‘fear to loose’ and where I hold on to a compromised point within myself and the self-trust is build when walked through – meaning understanding and so forgiving myself in this – an ‘old and compromising equation’ actually and then opened up to create a new base that is more stable and long-lasting and best for myself and / as others’ self involved, as a more substantiated foundation in and as life, so from here I am able to expand my self-integrity and grow in a way that brings forward a substantial effect as well, in and as this physical existance.

So far my realizations that also come forward while I am writing it down here, so also the writing of blogs in a self-supportive way is something I can very much recommend to start with. I will continue in time to come with self-forgiveness as well and see how to expand on the topic of what I mean with ‘my starting-point’.

7-year-journey-to-life


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 767 – Seeing beyond abandoned into myself

Dag 765 – Abandoned

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

In the two blogs before I have in the first blog written an introduction of looking at the word abandoned and in the second blog, opened up what experiences I found related to this within myself while bringing this into self-forgiveness, so actually enabling myself to let go the emotional attachements that I could see stored within me related to ‘abandoned’.

From here I will describe how I support myself to see and move beyond these emotional attachements and to practise to no longer ‘abandone myself from myself’ in this area.

I remember Bernard saying something like ‘eventually you will have a relationship with Desteni’ – especially for those who are looking for a relationship and bumping on the tools that are provided within Desteni and then having a tendency coming up to place the relationship with another above the relationship / agreement with self, like I tend to and perhaps many females but also males with me.

I have walked and am walking this process on many levels, from the beginning 6-7 years ago that I started my ‘Desteni I Process‘ and actually already before. On a consciousness level I knew from the beginning and before, that the self-agreement should be the first and foremost agreement and without this, no relationship / agreement with another will keep standing on long-term. However knowing this on a consciousness level and really living it in real life, between this, I have found so many dimensions to forgive and correct myself within as there is quite a lot that I have misaligned myself in on subtile levels, deep suppressed within me that I need to first uncover, then embrace, forgive, correct as ‘seeing another way’ and at the same time, a whole new area of redefining and bringing myself into a living application of no longer compromising myself, my relationships and another in and as life.

I still did not really understand what Bernard ment with his specific words although I saw the truth in it from the beginning. This is my strength in walking this process; that I see the truth as ‘what is real’ in the information that is provided as self-support and so I have opened myself for everything that is provided, altough I may not yet completely see, realize and understand what is ment with it; then from here, I bring it into myself, I keep it within myself and investigate what it means for me, until the moment that ‘the coin falls’ (mmmm in Dutch we say ‘het kwartje valt’) meaning, until the point that the information grounds and makes sense within and as me and then I have integrated it within myself and am I ready to start and practise ‘living’ the principle.

So the coin has fallen, het kwartje is gevallen (Dutch) after I had written these words to Sylvie – and up until this moment, I noticed that I felt almost quilty about standing within this relationship with Desteni no matter what, as if I did not leave room for others to come into my life. I did see in this moment of realization, that the decision for me to really see, realize and understand and then live, is that I will not accept and allow to develop an abusive way of living into my life; and Desteni is standing for oneness and equality in and as life, on all levels of existence and so, my relationship will be ‘with Desteni’ as this represents a relationship / agreement within and as self that is eventually best for all in and as life, aligned with our ‘beingness’ coming through within our physical bodies and aligning our mind to a way of self-support, instead of self-sabotaging.

It is the only long-lasting solution as it includes all life and so, a relationship with me, means that within the relationship, I will bring in the principles that I stand for and as and that I am practising myself as well, together with other people walking their journey to life. So actually it is an invitation to stand as the solution with and as self, each on the location-point of where one is in his or her process.

And wow is this challenging for me, because within this I will have to walk through a ‘fear of loss’ and this I find related to an experience of ‘being abandoned’; however I also see that it is the only way because only when standing (up) myself, a relationship that I am part of will stand the test of time.

So, now I can skip the ‘feeling guilty’ for my relationship with Desteni. Same as the words of Bernard that I remember as ‘it is nothing to be ashamed of to stand for what is best for all’. Strange how we have stored these experiences within self, in and as the mind, where we have ‘turned around’ and ‘turned against ourself’ that what is actually best for all, as even experiencing guilt or (false) shame when and as I / we stand for a long-lasting solution. There is one deep experience of shame that we should take into consideration as real and essential, which is the ‘real shame‘ of the abusive compromises that we have accepted and allowed on many levels, within and as ourself, within our relationships and in this world as a whole.

This is actually the correction as seeing and then moving beyond an experience of ‘abandoned’ that I have walked so far within and as myself. To see, realize and understand how I had misaligned and so ‘abandoned’ myself in a way, from standing as myself as the solution that is best for all, without using experiences of quilt and shame as a way to doubt myself and what I am standing for and why I am standing for this solution. As Gian said to me a while ago in another context: ‘trust yourself’. Also these words come up within me in many moments lately. The solution now is and will be, to in real life, live this correction moment by moment, word by word, breath by breath and to keep pushing myself to do so and to more and more move to this point of oneness and equality, in and as myself.

Through the years, I have brought myself into a position of self-trust in walking this, as I have proven to myself and I am openly walking this to check in for others, that the principles and tools provided by Desteni, are standing within and as a starting-point of equality and oneness and so it eventually will bring forward a result of equality and oneness, if and when applied towards and from this same point of integrity within and as self – while walking through all the layers of illusions and mistakes within and as self, day by day. So there is no need to feel quilty about ‘my relationship with Desteni’ or shame about ‘standing for a solution that is best for all’.

I will keep on using my physical body as a guideline to open up points within me and continue with investigating what parts I have ‘abandoned’ myself from and from myself, in and as my mind-being-body relationship.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 751 – It is too much to write it all out – is it?

Here I would like to share how I have walked through the experience of that it is ‘too much’ to let’s say, get more insight on how I participate in my thoughts, feelings and emotions and ‘how much work’ it is to deconstruct the limiting expressions within myself and then reconstruct it in a way that is considering and caring, as how I am in potential able to as a living being.

I do like the writing, as well of the lessons as of the blogs and at the same time, I do experience signs of resistance. So even if I ‘like it’ there is a resistance coming up that can show for example in becoming very tired suddenly, the moment that I am sitting in front of my computer with my lesson opened. Or ‘not knowing what to write about’ for a blog is also a common one; or what I do see coming up within me, are thoughts as ‘it is too simple, everybody knows this already, no one is interested in this’, things like that. I see that it is a part of a self-sabotage but I find this the most difficult one’s to walk through.

However, the writing, I also experience as ‘a lot’ and with every new lesson, I still see myself looking at ‘how long a lesson’ is or ‘how long a mind-construct will be’. (A mind-construct contains the ‘laying out in a structured way of writing’ of a certain pattern that we participate in and that is limiting for ourselves and so within the writing, we can see and learn to understand how we have build up a certain pattern and behaviour where in we take responsibility for it within the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrections).

At a certain moment I had to let this go as an ‘limiting experience’ with my first mind-construct. In the end, the mind-construct did become as long as 200-300 pages in a word-document and it took me three years to write it out and walk through in real time. During this process, I had to let go any hesitations with regards to the length of the writing and I just took it on, week by week writing a piece. I wrote a piece, needed to walk it through in real time and then could move on to the next piece. And so on. This all with the support of a buddy who is reading with me, so in a way, I am walking it by myself but I am not walking it ‘all alone’. Let’s say, there is a ‘witness’ which is an essential and very supportive part of this process.

I find it extremely supportive as within the deconstructing of the mind-patterns in such a structured way, I am able to see into layers that I do normally avoid. In general I am someone who is quite intro-spective through my days but however and of course, I will also avoid looking at certain behavioural patterns within myself. So that is also making clear why the resistance is coming up as such a strong ‘tiredness’ for example when I start writing on a timeline in a mind-construct, where this is pointing out that I am on the ‘right spot’ to open up a limiting pattern.

I did finish the mind-construct and I was so happy with it. This has learned me to not look at the amount of writing that needs to be done or may need to be done and create experiences related to it but instead, to just start writing. We do not know when and if we ‘finish’ it, as when are we finished? The more we go into the depth of ourselves, the more will open up in deeper layers to explore, for ourselves but also to learn to stand as a point of support for others. With the blog-writing it is the same, as we have this ‘7 years’ writing standing as a guide-line; this means 2555 days of writing / blogs. I am now at day 751 and am only writing one blog per week, due to others activities during the week. So, looking forward at ‘when I would be finished’, is not so supportive for myself. Because, I may or may not finish the amount of 2555 blogs in this physical life-time.

However, I did finish a 29 long blog-serie, related to 29 sound cloud records. And this I find supportive and stimulating to move on as well, as when I take it on one by one, I do finish small projects and during the way, I every time and within every blog, notice the self-support in it.

I had a teacher at the art-academy 25 years ago and when I came up with an idea, he several times said to me ‘okay, just start with it’ and here I learned to start what I have as idea to create and then along the way, it becomes visible what it will be. With the writing I see the same. Some projects get stuck and fade away, some projects I will finish but overall, I do keep on writing and walking this process from consciousness to awareness and then learning how to support myself with living words and bring myself back to life so to speak. This will happen ‘along the way’ so while doing and not only ‘at the finish’.

In many situations, I see that my mind is working with terms as ‘finish’ and within this, I am mostly projecting an experience of fear, as a ‘finishing of the energetic existance and experience’ that I have participated in for so long. It is simply all that I have known so far. But this does not mean that I as a living being, will ‘finish to exist’ when and as the energy runs out. However, this can only become visible…….. when and as the energy runs out. So it is a nice catch in itself. No proof on forehand but only a self-proof while walking and applying.

There are several courses and paths available as self-support, as well as many interviews to listen


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 748 – 27. Finding my stability

This blog is related to record 27: Finding my stability

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is a worst nightmare scenario to live without having been pregnant and without finding a relationship ‘on time’ to make this this happen and create a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that, because I have a desire or am ‘longing for’ something or experiencing an emotion of sadness of not having it, that I then actually ‘should have had it’ or that I ‘missed’ something, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I prefer/would like and what in self-honesty, is possible and best, is not always the same and so, I have a path to walk and bring the preferences and desires back to myself in a possible way of self-expression, where in I realize that there may and will be periods in it that are not nice, that are difficult and not how I would have wanted it, but that I need to move through breath by breath, holding on to myself within breath and move, and so I will come through by doing so until I will ‘feel better’ again and until I am able to look forward into new area’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need to ‘feel good’ every moment and so trying to ‘hold on” to this in/as my mind, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not realistic and not who I am and that it is okay to not feel good, to have difficult moments and periods, that I cannot control how things play out as it is not only me who is involved but always others as well and the world-system that we live in that is not best for all at the moment and so, it will be dificult, I will have to move through things that I ‘don’t want’ or would have wanted differently, also with regards as how I have build up systems within myself that will first come to the surface and give momenst and situations as reflections of a separated way of living, which are by nature ‘painful’ to walk through, because separation as inequality, created within energy in/as the mind, is painful in itself and so stored within my body.

When and as I see myself not feeling well and trying to ‘make myself feel better’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I can embrace how I feel at the moment, that the situation I am in, is a situation that I can always use to embrace what comes up in me and see how to stand with myself in it.

I realize that this sounds easy when one is ‘doing well’ and I have seen, realized and understand and still do, how difficult and challenging it is or can be, in moments of ‘not doing well’ as in that moment, it may seem as if my world falls apart, where in I need to realize that the only thing I can really be sure of that will be here, is me, am I, is myself and what I have noticed is that I do best with myself in difficult and very challenging moments, when I am clear on what I have walked and I realize that when there are self-judgements and unclarities coming up, that I have missed moments and points within myself that now come to the surface as separations that I need to forgive and correct within myself so that next time, I will do better, I will consider more and so that I will not create the same painful experiences again, not for myself and not for others as well.

I realize that we walk through our ‘worst nightmare scenario’s’ that we have created in our own mind and the more responsibility I take within this for myself inside, the lesser consequences I will create for myself and so for others as well so I better take responsibility within self-forgiveness for what I find within myself, as this will make it easier eventually, no matter ‘how bad and unforgivable’ it may seem in the moment.

I commit myself to keep on supporting myself (as others as well but first myself) to slow down, to really be and become carefull and considererate with myself, with others and with the life within myself and/as others and to keep on exploring and expanding in this as while walking through the layers, the corrections become more subtile and specific yet at the same time, the impact is or can be of huge influence.

I commit myself to push myself to forgive myself the seemingly ‘unforgivable’ as in the core, I will find there a thought that is stored as a ‘flawed believe’ that I then have used as a pattern to start protecting and defending myself to not feel the pain again, which is actually only causing more and more pain, until I really am able to embrace and forgive the core-point and consequences that I then be part of.

I commit myself to keep on considering how everything starts within the very small and that only from the small inside to the big outside, I will be able to change and influence who I am and so, what I will create and so I commit myself to stay consistent in forgiving and correcting the small and subtile within myself, no matter how ‘futile’ it may seem from within my mind.

Previous blog: 26. A worst case scenario

Next blog: 28. Learned a lot


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 741 – Can I learn to empathize?

Certain people are ‘by nature’ more empathic than others. It can be so because of how one has grown up; it can be pre-programmed. This doesn’t automatically mean that one is doing ‘what is best for all’ as then again, one can be for example ‘over-empathizing’ and forget to take care of oneself.

However, what if you notice that you do not really be emphatic by nature and so, noticing that this has consequences for others and for self as well? What if you ‘don’t feel’ what it means to be empathic, if you do not ‘feel’ what others may need for example and so, easily walk over others without even noticing?

I can start with an example of myself in this. I can say that I am empathic by nature, I also am a female, who often have learned to develop some empathic qualities. However I have also noticed an aspect within myself where I easily and automatically, could let someone ‘drop down’ or ‘fall down’, within the thought/believe that some can or should take care of that aspect within themselves, without looking further within their nature for example and seeing if they may need some support in this.

Within this, I did not ‘feel’ that I ‘wanted to help’, coming from a starting-point that we each should take care of ‘our own business’, as how I have developped this within myself. What I did feel in this, is quilt, for not being helpful enough, for not giving enough, although no one really had said such things to me. It was more existing on a subtile level where I somehow saw that I could do more but I did not (want to) do this and did also not know how to take this on. With the consequence that I also found it more difficult to receive ‘help’ from others as I found that I did not deserve this (because I was not giving it eather).

So this gave a subtile conflict within myself on the background that was interfering within my social interaction and communication in many ways.

I have in real time walked a path to correct this; first with animals, where I for years, have taken care of quinea pigs and rabbits that became older and needed a lot of support where I had ‘to give it my all’ to get them through as long as possible. I also have walked a relationship with someone who needed a lot of support that I ‘did not feel like giving’ and that I actually ‘did not really want’. But, I did, because then I already understood what it means to start walking by principle. Understanding meaning that I understood the theory of this.

With the animals, I had to step out of an experience of feeling paralized and not being able to take action, also related to a limited amount of money to spend for physical support and from here, not knowing where to start when an animal became ill for example. I have walked many situations with these beings and it was amazing to do this. What was supporting me here, is that I did want to do it for the animals as I really and naturally ‘like’ the animals but I had to step over idea’s of ‘how much you spend and do for an animal like a rabbit or a quinea pig’. Strange idea’s, as if these little animals deserve less care than a bigger animal or a human being. But there was also a fear of ‘not having enough for myself’ in this as a point of self-interest existing within me.

Within the relationship, I learned to walk it because I could see the consequences of what would happen if I would not do the best I could and especially I learned how this would reflect back on me within myself, staying busy with doubts and questions about myself, where experiences of guilt were keeping me busy and eventually ending up within the need to ‘go back and correct myself’ and do it over again. We can also call this a ‘timeloop’. I mainly experienced this whole pattern as a ‘fear of loss’ within me and so, the ‘fear of loss’ did have been the motivation to push myself to do better and still does in many moments – to eventually and while doing so, come to a point of creation, free from this experience inside myself.

But, I did not do this because it felt natural or because I naturally wanted this. I did do this because I had learned – while walking this relationship – what it means to walk in principle and I saw I could do better. So I did not need to ‘feel’ it but could make the decision to walk it anyway, to support another (and so myself) where I can within my capacity and of course from a starting-point of common sense,  to not ‘help’ another with things that another need to learn for self but to support where another did not yet have developped an effective application and where I did not have developped this as well and so, ‘supporting another’ was/is the development in itself for myself as self-support.

This is the great thing about principled living, that in the end, the self-support is supporting another and supporting another, is supporting self.

Why am I writing this blog?

To bring forward that if and when we do understand what it means to walk by principle and when and as we have made the decision within ourself to stand by this and do and develop this every day again, that it is possible to learn for example what it means to live ‘empathy’, not because we ‘feel empathy inside ourselves’ and whatever this may mean, but from a starting-point of ‘giving as you would like to receive’ and ‘considering another’ from a starting-point of principled living within equality and oneness, where every living being deserves to be treated with support where needed and where self-honestly possible.

When I had walk through all of this (it took several years all together), I did came back to my self-will about what I want, within my life, within a relationship and with who I want to walk this, while testing what is practically possible and taking the time to see who I am willing to stand by and walk with as myself and who is willing to do the same with me. However I did have to let go of personal preferences for several years, to be able to stand up and keep standing within my utmost potential and the challenges that this gives every day.

So, empathy does not so much contain an experience or a feeling – although it can be a starting-point for those who do experience this naturally. Empathy can be practically learned and applied within a starting-point of principled living as what is best for all. These principles, they can be described, tested and cross-referenced within a self-agreement and from this agreement with and as self, it can be expanded towards an ‘agreement’ with others (family, friends, colleques, intimate relationships), as simply ‘rules’ that are considering all participants in a way that does not leave anyone behind without being heard or seen but at the same time, supporting each other to create a self-responsibility and self-dependency where needed, to be and become able to stand on our own two feet.

There is much more detail to write about this empathy. Here is a link where one can start walking this agreement within and as self, by first understanding the theory of how we actually function as a human being and also a link to a document where the basic-principles are described and commited to stand by. Without this support, I would not have been able to stabilize and grow as how I did so far and I am very much still learning and expanding in this, still with the support that is available within Desteni and that is practical and applyable in our every day live.


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive