Dag 787 – The experience of neutrality

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed all my relationship-experiences to be defined within/as the categories of either “positive/negative/neutral” all of which originate from the starting-point of “experience” as I “experience” positivity/negativity/neutrality – when in/as substance as equality and oneness, my standing With all as me is not based within experience or categorized within positivity/neutrality/negativity because I in fact Am all as me in equality and oneness, which is not an “experience” it’s a living/beingness standing. In this, I have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest my relationship-lines within/as energy as “experience” to/towards all as me as either “positive/negative/neutral”. Equal-to and One-with the World-System as Money’s relationship to/towards humanity – categorized within experiences / as living physical experiences of human beings with the “Positive” as those with the most Money/more than they require, “Neutral” as those of humanity that live comfortably with Money that have enough and “Negative” as those of humanity with little to no money at all.”

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?

I am noticing within myself how I am constantly trying to bring myself in a ‘state’ of neutral energy, that where I feel ‘comfortable’ in and safe and relaxed in a way. That experience that I ‘know’ as ‘everything will be alright’. And I am doing this automatically, so I am/was not really aware that I am/was doing this. I did notice how I was everytime again trying to move myself to this state and then relax for a moment, thinking and believing that this is where I ‘need to be’ but I was not aware of the fact that this ‘state’ is not ‘who I am’ or should be or where I should be. It is merely creating an experience of constant fear within me; fear of loosing this state of experience and reacting to all and everything that is interrupting this energetic state.

I recognize this as the ‘neutral’ energy state that Heaven’s Journey to Life has written blogs about in the beginning. A neutral state that we all create within our subconscious mind and related to family and how we grow up – well from what I understand of it in a simple way. So it is not the ‘neutral’ of ‘being here’ and not reacting, but actually an energetic state between the positive and negative that ‘seems’ like ‘this is me’. But this is really to question and merely something I move around subconsciously (and from what I now realize while reading the blog of Day 6 – related to how I grow up living comfortably with having enough money to live from – interesting).

I found this a very interesting realization, because it gives a tool for myself to stop the constant experience of fear. What I notice in this realization, is that I do not need to react to so many things in a subtile way and that I do not need to live in an experience of constant fear, if I stop trying to attain this neutral energetic state; then actually all these outer and inner stimuli, do not need to disturb me. Because I do not have to ‘loose’ anything or ‘try to go somewhere’ and this creates much more space to look into myself and into the stimuli and how to move myself within this all.

I notice here that I choose to use the word ‘move myself’ instead of ‘direct myself’ and that I experience resistance on the word ‘directing’ so that is something to investigate within/for myself.

This realization doesnot mean that everything is now solved (and also this does not mean that ‘I can live without money’ or something because we all in this world as how it exists today, need the money to create a life for ourselves and each other), altough this seems so for a moment when this realization takes place. I now have to actively apply myself according to this realization and remember myself for doing so and then moving through the more challenging moments.

In the next blog I will write some self-forgiveness on this and here already some self-forgiveness with a link to the blog of Day 6 in Heaven’s Journey to Life.

(…)

“And so – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the continuation of such relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity throughout my existence without change – because when/as I would change such relationships, I have come to believe that who I am will cease exist, not realising/seeing/understanding that the illusion of me as Energy will cease to exist – but who I am as substance/equality and oneness remains/is here and always has been here. But I have separated myself from me as substance/equality and oneness to such an extent, that I have come to believe that all I am is Energy/Experience, and so continued existing as this belief and continued my relationships of positivity/neutrality/negativity to/towards all that is me to ensure my continued survival as the Energy/Experience I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become.

(…)

From: Day 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality?Negativity?


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Dag 768 – How to walk through fear when I am still existing in fear?

quote fear

I am reading in the book ‘The History of Desteni‘ and I am at the beginning part where Bernard and others were working with the demon dimension and bringing in the demons and supporting them with the process of self-forgiveness. For more context I recommend to read the e-book, there is much material there that can clarify and support within the understanding of what Desteni entails and stand for and it reads like a ‘novel’.

Here the aspects that I would like to point out, is how Bernard mentioned that he would be sure that before he opened himself to support a demon, he would be sure that there was no fear existing within him and, to show the way of self-forgiveness, he needed to have forgiven himself on all points, otherwise the demon would directly mention the unforgiven point and then mention this and use this to not embrace the tool of self-forgiveness, because the effect of self-forgiveness was not absolute standing then so why should he embrace it.

The point of not having any fear existing within myself before really being able to stand as an example of self-support; that is something that I see reflected in my daily life. And this brings me also to the starting-point of what I am bringing forward and who I am within this and the result of this. I mean, if I exist in fear and at the same time I would like to support another with a mind-pattern that may bring up resistence to embrace, forgive and let go, then that what I am existing in and as, is resonating through within my words and presense and most surely picked up and used to only enlarge the resistance – that actually also contains a fear within, so the fear will be affirmed. 

Because what I am then actually showing within (the resonance of) my words, is that what I bring forward or that which I ‘expect to come out’ – within myself but mostly projected on another – with what I bring forward, should be feared – I mean why otherwise should I exist in fear in this moment of an attempt to support?

This makes it not so easy to walk through, because to build self-trust, I need to walk through my fears in real time at some point and how to do this if I have not yet build the self-trust that I can keep standing, because this is what I will build while walking?

So I will experience fear and I possibly will then activate resistance and fear in another. What I then have found through time, is that if my starting-point of bringing up something, is to create an outcome that is best for all, so I bring it up in a starting-point of integrity, I will eventually be able to direct it towards this and this is also something that is mostly picked up. So this I can keep as a starting-point within myself as well and keep on focussing on expanding my self-integrity, although I may still experience a fear within me to start walking a point in real time. So, the fear shall resonate and come forward and then from the starting-point of what is best for all involved, or ‘best for both’ or ‘best for myself’ in a self-honest way, I will be able to direct myself in that what is activated and keep standing in what is activated and eventually I will be able to express where I come from and what I mean and why I do something.

I exist in fear because I am somewhere within myself, holding on to a point of separation and so, fear of loss of that what I have separated myself from however, within self-honesty, I need to stop compromising myself and then step forward and ‘take the risk’ of loosing ‘that what I hold on to and fear loosing’. Mostly while walking through this in real time, it becomes more visible what I ‘fear to loose’ and where I hold on to a compromised point within myself and the self-trust is build when walked through – meaning understanding and so forgiving myself in this – an ‘old and compromising equation’ actually and then opened up to create a new base that is more stable and long-lasting and best for myself and / as others’ self involved, as a more substantiated foundation in and as life, so from here I am able to expand my self-integrity and grow in a way that brings forward a substantial effect as well, in and as this physical existance.

So far my realizations that also come forward while I am writing it down here, so also the writing of blogs in a self-supportive way is something I can very much recommend to start with. I will continue in time to come with self-forgiveness as well and see how to expand on the topic of what I mean with ‘my starting-point’.

7-year-journey-to-life


Proces van zelfverandering:
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https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 442 – A physical experience of pure fear

Full quantum mind self awareness step 3

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It was a busy week with facing myself in some points related to control and ending up with a few days where in I was aware of participating in fear. I felt I was putting some strain on my body but was not yet realy able to stop myself within the moment. So I walked through, solved the point and my body started relaxing again. However, the next day I became ill, a headache and nausea started coming up during the day and reached it’s top in the evening. Here – same as I have experienced before – an experience came up as ‘this is unbearable’, by which I knew okay, hold on, keep standing within and it will open up. So I did. Here it was up to me to keep standing and not stay ‘focussed’ on a ‘point opening up’ in case I would keep myself constricted in ‘consciousness focussing on a point’. So I moved on with the normal daily tasks (which was in the evening and contained things like prepairing for bed) and here in the points came up as physical experiences of the fear that I had manifested within my body. The headache had in the mean time spreaden from the neck-occupy-bones throughout my head, within my throat, up to the nose and sinusses. Here it started burning for a moment, I could breathe in it, and it fade away. It moved like this through my head, the throat and fade away, until it came up within my chest and I felt a real strong burning, itching sensation, which I experienced as fear, pure fear. And so I experienced and realised how this headache and nausea and pain in the head, throat, sinusses, came forward out of an experience of fear within my chest, where in the moment that it happened, I had missed this within my chest, I experienced fear and adrenaline and restlessness but I did not experience the physical respons for what it really was. So I ‘got this back’ later. I Could quite easily walk through because the sinusses are not aerea’s where in I have build up chronic discomfort so there was no new fear connected to this. (The chronic discomfort I have build up within my intestines and is for further investigation how the fear manifested and misformed the muscle-tissue and mucus in there). One point is staying for longer as a slight headache around the left occupy-bone, which I feal related to movements within the intestine; I have this more often, I understand it is related to ‘reacting to reactions’ and I start seeing how it is related to constant activation in/as the mind but I am not yet clear on this point and have to walk this in specifity.

I have never experienced this fear so very physically within my chest and it made me clear how penetrating this experience of fear in/as the mind is.  So an occasion triggers/activates the quantum mind (related to a memory where in we have had an experience of ‘loosing control’ in/as the mind) which gives this experience of fear where in the body goes for a moment into a physical shock, as an inbreathe and not breathing through; the physical body ‘stands still’ for a moment at the moment of this activation of the quantum mind, penetrating the physical flesh. Which in itself is a very scaring moment. Scaring as frightening as scaring as making a scarf in the physical flesh within this moment of penetration. And so because we are not in breath but in a moment of an experience of ‘loosing control’ in/as fear, we are not physically experiencing what is happening within and towards the physical body, as we are kept within our own minds in a moment of ‘scare’ or ‘fright’ (schrik in Dutch).

This brought me towards ‘fear for this fear’, as ‘how can I stop myself from this moment of fright as an occasion that triggers this, will take place’. Where in I remember Bernard who said to me, when I asked him what to do with fear, he said ‘it’s a thought’. So I have to become aware of the thoughts within that moment in/as the quantum mind which would actually trigger my own fear, as thoughts are all little judgements which are very scaring, for myself and/or another. And these thoughts are triggered within an outside occasion on which we normally project on and connect towards the whole experience of fear that we have, and so within this, we keep ourselves dependent on these outside occasions ‘waiting’ for this fear getting activated.

I have to walk it back until I see how I create the whole experience and physical consequense, so that I can prevent myself from going into this, after first facing and forgiving myself within this while walking it in real time, for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself while creating this experience again. And if I see how I create it, I will be able to stop, forgive, correct myself and eventually prevent myself from walking into the same pattern over and over again and within this, prevent the physical body to go into the physical pattern as well which harms the body at the same place over and over again. I can give my physical body the neccasary nutrients to recover itself, but it is up to me to stop and change my patterns that create the physical consequenses in the first place. And when I am already within physical consequence I have missed several points and thoughts that activates the quantum mind and lead to this consequence and so this enlarge the pattern of fear, as in/as the mind it feels like ‘I am not able to do anything about this, it is beyond my control’. Which is the control of the mind; and in/as the mind, I exist in/as control, where in I will not be able to support myself physically as I will keep looking for ‘mind-solutions’, which are actually solutions in/as control, in/as limitations of the mind existing in and as energy, controling the whole physical body. Within this, I am locked in by my own consciousness.

This is as far as I am able to describe it at the moment. I will keep on walking this until I am totally clear on it and able to prevent myself from creating physical consequenses within my own body. If and when I am able to prevent myself from physical harm in any given moment,  I am standing stable and being trustworthy, for myself and for others in/as life. I will not know how long this will take and if I am gonna make it at all; I am only able to move on within this process where in I see the physical progress within myself with my own physical body as a point of reference, until it’s done.

Thanks.

(Note –  I write here ‘occupy-bone’ instead of ‘occipital bone’ as a mistake in writing from myself – see comment below this blog – however I leave it in as it is funny indeed how I made ‘occupy’ from it where being occupied with the mind-backchat may lead to pain/pressure around the area of the occipital bones in the back of the head)

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Zelfeducatie free:
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Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 267 – Wie ben ik? personal economic background

Dag 266 – Wie ben ik?

I grew up in a middle-class environment.
There was always money enough to eat, and always ‘little money left at the end of the month’, but never lead to any serious money problems.

I have been supported for education by my parents and by government, as how this was arranged in those days. I studied 2 years on the school of Art (photography) and after these 2 years, I decided to stop and switch to an education of Natural Medicine, which is a HBO-level of education (one level below university).

Here the investigation of how the body works really started. And this has never stopped; I am still investigating this within using my own body as a reference.

During studytime I had to work for my own living; only education was payed for and I lived by myself. So I studied and worked at the same time for 6 years.

I still have this balance:
I work for money to live from in an area close to my education, at the Vitaminstore; a store with vitamins and other ‘health supporting products’ where is a lot of room for personal advise and communication. Within this job I have just enough money to live from with the support of some extra allowance from the government and the municipality for house and medical care, as it is arranged in The Netherlands at the moment for people who have minimum income.

At the same time I walk the Journey to Life with the people from Desteni, and as long as I am able to, I will pay for the education and support I receive within this, just as I pay for any other education that I receive. I really do not see why this is suddenly such a big issue as we simply all need money to live from in the world how it exist at the moment. Money in itself is not the problem, it is who we are related to money, that makes it a problem. And money will and has to be (part of) the way to solve the problem in totality in this world, because we are all related to money.

I have started 2 times my own business: one time a practise of natural medicine, one time a store with foodsupplements. And 2 times I was not able to stand in this so I stopped it. I found out that I was still not standing in what I want: to support other people in maintaining and/or reaching stability within the physical body.
I can only be a support for others if I am a living example in this by myself, and I was not, I was not able to be stable within my own physical body. And here I started the Desteni-I-Process. And the Whole World opened op.

The whole world of how we exist in inequality, related to money and survive. Me seperating myself from my neighbour, out of fear of being attacked in some way, in every way. And within this, me seperating myself from my own physical body, living in fear.

As as long as I live in fear, I am not living in and as the flesh of my body but instead of this, hiding within fear in/as the mind. So what is this, the mind, who is the mind, who am I as the mind, why am I as the mind not working together with myself as the physical body? Why am I as the mind not working together with my neighbour? Who am I as the mind not working together with myself as the physical body and with the neighbour as the physical body as myself? How is this related to the environment I live in, to the family I grew up in, to the whole world I live in? Who created the world and who creates the world? How is the mind related to money and within this, how am I related to money?

All these questions are related to how the world exist at the moment: total inequality and immense suffering. And if I donot investigate and change myself, than who is gonna change the world? The neighbour?

So, I started this process out of seeing for a long time in my own life: there is defenitely something wrong – altough it seems like everything is okay – and nobody is speaking about it. My own body as substance is reflecting to me, there is something wrong.

And the physical world as Earth as a Body as substance is a reflection of who I am/who we are, and there is defenitely something wrong – and actually it doesnot even seem okay anymore – but still almost no-body is really speaking about it. And if you Do speak about it and work together for a solution, you will be attacked. Now that is a strange thing, isn’t it?
Will I keep on living in fear of being attacked and in fear of loosing my comfort, or will I stand up and speak for myself and/as others who are not able to speak?

I am and keep on walking this Journey, to get myself stable within my own physical body, and eventually be an example for others to become stable within their physical body. Which starts with food, water, house and education for All.

What is best for All, is best for me, because All includes me.

Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

Somebody-help-me-understand-what-makes-me-starve-in-a-world-of-plenty

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
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Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/